Marble
by Kinghammer Publishing
Summary: Ever wonder what it's like to be part of an elite team of earth guardians all the while taking care of a little brother with magical powers? I'm Marble and this is my story.
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

You may know about The Crystal Gems, guardians of earth. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and their proverbial little brother Steven. But do you know them well enough to her the story of the other unlikely gem?

Meet Marble:

Weapon: Axe

Personality: Funny, witty, crazy, and like Amethyst, carefree

Sex: Like all gems, genderless. But she uses She/Her pronouns.

Appearance: She has purple skin like Amethyst but with a body type like Garnet. She has purple hair. Her outfit is a basic black sleeveless top with shorts that go down to her knees.

Abilities: Super Strength and Shapeshifting.

Bio: Not much to say about Marble, except that she's a devoted member of the Crystal Gems. Now don't let her size fool you, because unlike Garnet she's not a fusion but a naturally big gem. Where she came from is still unknown to this very day, she doesn't like to talk about it.

She mostly hangs out with Amethyst because they both share similar traits like they're both fun loving and carefree, they can both shapeshift, and like to partake in human activities. But Marble is protective of Amethyst's well being sometimes, mostly when she loses her temper, disputes with Pearl, or when she cracks her gem.

* * *

 **Here's what to expect from this story:**

 **Episodes rewritten with my OC**

 **Some episodes may be skipped**

 **The whole story will be told in my OC's point of view**


	2. Year 1 - Gem Glow

**Year 1: Gem Glow**

Ah... the Delmarva Peninsula. Or as we like to call it, "Beach City". Looks like good vacation spot. Unless you're a Crystal Gem like me.

Name's Marble. I'm sort of the muscle of this team. You see, we gems were put on this planet to protect it and its inhabitants. Our leader, Rose Quartz always believed that beauty and good was found in everything, no matter how gross. But not all of us can see as well as her...

(Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet, and I are fighting a horde of Centipeetles.)

Steven: Hey, guys! you won't believe this!

Which leads us to this little bundle of joy named Steven. Son of Rose, his species is a tie between gem and human. But he knows his way around earth like any kid.

(Steven is suddenly attacked by a Centipeetle.)

(Centipeetle roars, Steven screams.)

Amethyst: *uses whip to yank Centipeetle off Steven* 'Sup, Steven? *grunts*

That's Amethyst, she's the wild card of the gang. She's more carefree and loose than the others.

(Gems fight off centipeetles.)

Steven: Awesome! What are these things?

Pearl: *lifts up Centipeetle, groans* Ugh! Sorry, Steven. We'll get these Centipeetles out of your room. We think they were trying to get into the temple.

Now Pearl is the brains of the outfit, she knows everything about us gems, with moves like a ballerina. She's as graceful as she is a stick in the mud.

Steven: Aw. You don't have to get rid of them. They're really cool.

(The Centipeetle that Pearl is holding spits acid onto the floor. Steven and Pearl look down into the new hole.)

Me: You were saying? (I use my axe and poofs a centipeetle) Hm. No gems on 'em.

Garnet: That means there must be a mother somewhere nearby.

(A Centipeetle sneaks up from beside her as she quickly punches it causing it to poof.)

And Garnet's the strong and silent type. She's known to act without analyzing the situation. She's mellow but fierce, and not one to lose her cool.

Pearl: We should probably find it before anyone gets hurt.

Steven: *excitedly* Oh! Oh! Can I come?! Can I?! can I?!

Pearl: Steven, until you learn to control the powers in your gem, *snaps Centipeetle's neck* we'll take care of protecting humanity, okay?

Steven: Aw, man. *notices a Centipeetle raiding the fridge* Hey! Get out of there! Go on! Shoo! Shoo! Aw! they got into everything! Not cool! *Garnet punches and poofs it as he notices that the fridge is full of Cookie Cats* No way. I-it can't be! Wha-where did you get these?! I thought they stopped making them!

Pearl: Well, we heard that, too, and since they're your favorite…

Amethyst: We went out and stole a bunch.

Marble: "Steal" is such a strong word. I prefer the term, permanently borrowing. *fist bumps with Amethyst*

Pearl: *grunts at Amethyst and Marble angrily* I went back and paid for them.

Garnet: The whole thing was my idea. *retracts gauntlets back to her gems*

Amethyst: It was everyone's idea.

Garnet: Not really.

Pearl: All that matters is that Steven is happy.

Steven: OOHHHH!

Me: And he's gonna sing...

Steven: [sings]

 **He's a frozen treat with an all new taste!**

 **'cause he came to this planet from outer space!**

 **A refugee of an interstellar war!**

 **But now he's at your local grocery store!**

 **Cookie Cat!**

 **He's a pet for your tummy!**

 **Cookie Cat!**

 **He's super duper yummy!**

 **Cookie Cat!**

 **He left his family behind!**

 **Cookie Caaaaaat!**

Now available at Gurgins off Rt. 109! (We burst out in laughter and applause)

Me: *sighs* Kids...

Steven: I can't believe you did this. I'm gonna save these forever! Right after I eat this one. Hello, old friend. *bites into one* Oh, so good! *Steven's gem begins to glow* I like to eat the ears first.

Me: Well I'll be.

Amethyst: Uh, Steven...

Steven: Wha? My gem!

Amethyst: Quick, try and summon your weapon!

Steven: I don't know how! (panicking) Ah, its fading! How do I make it come back?!

Pearl: Calm down, Steven. Breathe, don't force it.

Amethyst: Yeah, and try not to poop yourself either. *I nudge Amythyst*

Garnet: Please, don't. *Steven's gem stopped glowing and we shared a sigh*

Steven: Ah, I was really close that time! Can one of you just explain how to summon a weapon?

Pearl: (singsong voice) Oh, I'll go first!

So for the next few hours little Steven was explained how the gems summon their weapons. But none of their methods feel right to him. Later, I was lounging outside the temple, when I heard the little guy calling me in frustration.

Steven: Maaaaarble!

Me: Why so glum, chum?

Steven: How do you summon your weapon?

Me: Hmm. Well, I think way I can explain is that I can summon my weapon with my thoughts, connects with my emotions. Whenever I feel angry, or when I see my friends hurt, or If I feel like It's necessary, I can summon my weapon like that! *my gem glows and brings out my axe*

Steven: AARRGH! Why is it so hard for me to summon my weapon! Pearl says I should work hard, Amythyst says I should do nothing, Garnet says I should gather power or something, and you say I should use my mind!?

Me: Hey calm down little guy! I'm not saying you should do all of that stuff.

Steven: I dont?...

Me: No. Every gem has a different way of summoning their weapon. You just need to find yours.

The kid thought for a minute. Then he got an idea.

Steven: That's it! Thanks Marble!

Me: No problem buddy.

Minutes later we were all at the kitchen.

Steven: I think my best bet is to recreate what happened the last time my gem glowed. So... *points* Garnet and Amethyst were here. Pearl was next to the fridge. Marble you were standing over there next to the fridge. Hmm. Amethyst, I think your arms were crossed?

Amethyst: Okay, your majesty. *crosses arms*

Steven: And Pearl, your foot was like this. *moves it at the angle it was*

Pearl: I don't think it works this way, Steven.

Steven: And Garnet, uh... *moves her face upward* Yeah. (takes his Cookie Cat out of the freezer) Then I took a bite of this Cookie Cat. Oh, wait! I sang the song first.

Me: Mind if I help you with the lyrics?

Steven: No, no, I got this. Uh, he's a frozen treat, all new taste, interstellar war, now available at Ghurven's. Aww, it was funnier last time. (sigh) Maybe I'm not a real Crystal Gem.

Me: Are you nuts! You were meant for this team!

Amethyst: And you're fun to have around, even if your gem is useless. (Pearl glares angrily at Amethyst) I... mean, you're one of us, Steven. We're not the Crystal Gems without you! (Garnet nods)

Steven: Yeah, even if I don't have powers, I've still got... Cookie Cat! (takes a bite) Mmm, so good. (Steven's gem glows then summons a shield, collective gasp)

Pearl: (amazed) Steven, it's a shield!

Steven: Whoa, what?! I get a shield?! Oooh... yeah! (accidentally launches shield)

Me: Hit the deck! (I hide behind the counter as the shield ricochets around the room, breaking the TV; Amethyst bursts out laughing)

Steven: Huh? Cookie Cat! I summon my weapon by eating ice cream!

Pearl: (picks up wrapper) What's in these things?

Me: Better question is can I have some?

(The house rumbles.)

Steven: What was that?

Centipeetles started to crawl up the temple with one of them bigger than the others. It could only mean one thing.

Garnet: It's the Mother! *leaps towards it*

Me: I should've known! *I summon my axe*

Pearl: Stay in the house, Steven!

Steven: No, wait, I'm coming too! *goes back to grab several Cookie Cats and the freezer*

We stood face to face with the acid spewing mother of all centipeetles. We dodged its attacks and took cover behind a broken hand statue. But it didn't hold down the goop for long. Just then Steven appeared with cookie cats in his hand, still thinking he can summon his weapon with ice cream!

Steven: Cookie Cat Crystal combo powers, activate! *eats a cookie cat and nothing happens* Uh-oh. Aaaah! *retreats further back*

Pearl: We need to save Steven!

Amethyst: Can we save ourselves first?!

Steven: Goodbye, my friends. *eats several Cookie Cats and nothing happens* Why isn't it working? *retreats once more*

Garnet: Steven! *holds back Mother's pincers*

Steven: *sees destroyed freezer, gasps* No... Oh, no no no!... *slowly* Cookie Cat, he's a pet for your tummy. Cookie Cat, he's super duper yummy! *picks up freezer, more aggressively* Cookie Cat, he left his family behind! Cookie Caaat! *chucks freezer at Mother which shocks her, causing her to screech in pain* Now available... nowhere.

Me: That oughta do it.

Amethyst: Yes!

Garnet: Gems, weapons!

The gems and I then bursted out the melted rock with our weapons out. We charged at the beast ready to attack, and then... BOOM! Another monster gem safely bubbled. As for little Steven, guess he knew that eating cookie cats wasn't the best way summoning your weapon.

Steven: Farewell, sweet Cookie Cats. I'll always remember the time we spent together. *stomach rumbles* Shh, hush now.

Amethyst: Are you crying?

Steven: *shouts* Only a little!

Amethyst: Well, I guess your powers don't come from ice cream

Me: Buck up, champ. I'm sure you'll get the hang of it.

Pearl: Indeed, I'm sure some day you'll figure out how to activate your gem.

Garnet: Yes, in your own Steven-y way.

Steven: I'm okay guys. I just- *stomach rumbles* Ugh, I think I ate too many Cookie Cats.

(Gems laugh, Steven laughs anxiously, then retches.)

And there you have it folks. The story of the little kid who could, but couldn't. Steven may not know how to summon his shield, but he's still a valued member to our team. And one day, find his own little way of making his gem shine.

But that my friends is an incredibly different story for an incredibly different time.


	3. Year 1 - Laser Light Cannon

**Year 1: Laser Light Cannon**

It started out as a simple evening, but the events that happened was... well let's start this out slow. Steven, Amethyst, and I were running toward the counter of Beach Citywalk Fries.

Me: Hey fryman! Don't close yet! Steven would like to place an order.

Steven: Yeah! Give me the bits!

Mr. Fryman: *flips sign* Steven! We're closed.

Steven: *disappointed* Aww, what?

Amethyst: *hits counter* Give em' the bits! *chants while continuously hitting the counter* The bits, the bits... (Steven and I join in)

Me, Steven, and Amethyst: *chanting* The BITS! The BITS! The BITS! *banging on counter*

Mr. Fryman: Okay, okay! Take it easy on the counter, will ya?

Steven & Amethyst: Yes! (they high-five each other while I wrap them in my arms)

Mr. Fryman: I can give you actual fries if you want.

Steven: Just the bits, please. *takes bag* Thanks. *walking away with Amethyst and me* Ah, sunset, my favorite time of day. When the sun goes down, and the second sun gets bigger and bigger in the sky. (Amethyst bursts out laughing)

Me: Wait a minute. Since when does the earth have two- *notices the red eye* Oh no!

Amethyst: What's THAT doing here?

Steven: What is it? *Amethyst picks him up and runs* Ah, my bits! *Steven drops his bits* *I run after them*

(At the beach)

Garnet: This is bad.

Pearl: *peering through a telescope* Look at the SIZE of it, I had no idea these things were SO BIG!

Amethyst: (running towards them) Garnet! Pearl!

Me: Did you see...

Pearl: We saw. Some of us are trying to protect humanity. Where were you?

Amethyst: *puts Steven down* ...Eating fry bits. *Pearl sighs*

Steven: Oh, can I see? *peers* Woah. It's a giant eyeball! Awesome!

Pearl: NOT awesome! It's a Red Eye!

Steven: A Red Eye?! It's going to infect us all!

Garnet: That's pink eye, Steven. *Amethyst laughs*

Pearl: It's going to crash into Beach City and crush us, along with a bunch of oblivious, innocent people! We have to stop it.

Me: Question is how?

Garnet: *Adjusts visor* The only thing powerful enough to destroy it is a Light Cannon that belonged to Rose Quartz.

Steven: My mom?

Me: Yeah. Ol' Rose was always one to be prepared.

Amethyst: If Rose were here, this would be so easy.

Pearl: I know, but she's not, and the cannon is missing. We'll have to find another solution.

Steven: If it belonged to my mom, I bet my dad knows where it is. He can help us save the day! Huh? Eh?

Pearl: *Sugarcoats her opinion about Greg* Greg is... nice, Steven, but I doubt Rose would entrust someone like him with such a powerful weapon.

Amethyst: Your dad is kind of a mess, Steven. *puts hand on Steven's shoulder*

Pearl: AMETHYST!

Amethyst: I'm just sayin', even if she did leave it with him, he probably broke it, or lost it, or dropped it in the ocean by now.

Garnet: True.

Me: Now hold on guys. Greg has been married to Rose before Steven came to the world. He's smart enough to not lose his wife's possesions.

Amethyst: You're just saying that because you like his music...

Me: Shut up! *blushes*

Steven: She's right! I'm sure he's just keeping it somewhere safe. I'll go ask him.

Garnet: We can handle this, Steven. *to Amethyst* Ready? *tosses her at the Red Eye*

Me: You can do it Amethyst! Straight to the sun! (to no effect, Ametyhst hits the eye and falls into the ocean) Or not...

Steven: Uh, I'm gonna go.

Pearl: *half-heartedly* ...Okay, good luck.

As Steven went to find the cannon, we tried to hold off the giant eye. But as it got closer and closer to earth, none of our efforts seem to stop it. Mostly because we were just throwing Amethyst at it countless times...

Amethyst: *washes up back on shore* Throw me again, I think I'm cracking it. *notices Steven* Is that... ?

Just in time, there was Steven and Greg with Rose's cannon. Good timing too, 'cause our red eye problem was starting to worsen...

Steven: Hey, guys!

Pearl: *gasps* He really had it!

Amethyst: *jumping in front of Garnet , Pearl and Me* We're SAVED! (The Red Eye's gravity begins to pull everything towards it, causing rumbling and destruction, even at Beach Citywalk Fries)

Fryman: Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy! (A sign rips off of the building.)

Me: We're running out of time!

Garnet: We have to use it now.

Pearl: I don't know how it works, it was Rose's!

Me: Steven! You have her gem! Surely you know how it works!

Amethyst: Way ahead of ya! *lifts Steven and rubs him against the cannon* Ah, come on!

Me: Maybe you need to rub it harder. Let me! *I grab Steven and rubbed him against the cannon faster*

Garnet: Stop that.

Pearl: It's no use.

Amethyst: Fine, forget it. Throw me again.

Me: Fat load of good that's gonna do now!

(The gravitational pull intensifies and pulls the van and cannon.)

Greg: *unhooks cord from cannon* I got this. *gets pulled* Ugh, wait, nope, maybe I don't! *tries to stop van*

Steven: *to cannon* Please work, unlock, activate, go, please! Everyone's counting on you, you can't just be useless! I know you can help.

Greg: It's okay, Steven. We'll figure out something else, something even better.

Steven: R-r-r-right, if every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs. *cannon begins to activate*

Pearl: It's working!

(The cannon unlocks and falls. There is a collective gasp. Steven attempts to lift it and we came to help.)

Pearl: Steven!

Amethyst: This is it!

Garnet: BRACE YOURSELVES!

Me: If we don't make it, I just want you gems to know that it's been an honor fighting alongside ya!

Pearl: Thanks Mar- (The cannon shoots a rose shaped blast that destroys the Red Eye, causing it to explode and shrapnel to fall, destroying parts of the city boardwalk.)

Amethyst: Steven, we just saved most of Beach City!

Steven: (to Fryman) Sorry about that!

Fryman: What?

Pearl: How did you get it to work?

Steven: I just said that thing that Dad always says.

Pearl: That thing about pork rinds?

Garnet: Hot dogs.

Greg: *tears up* Rose... (the tide suddenly comes in, washes van towards the beach but still surrounded by water, we all laugh until the tide starts to wash it away) My van!

Steven: It's okay Dad, if every pork chop were perfect—

Greg: I LIVE in there! *rushes towards van*

Me: Well, that's different.

Steven: Wait up! *goes towards van*

Greg: Oh geez, wait, wait, wait!

Me: We better go help him.

And so wraps up another story of the daily lives of Beach City. Rose Quartz was quite the woman wasn't she? I could tell you more about her, but that my friends is an incredibly different story, for an incredibly different time.


	4. Year 1 - Cheeseburger Backpack

**Year 1: Cheeseburger Backpack**

Another day, another mission, another big mess. But of course when you're in an elite team of earth guardians, know what to expect. But none of us expected how Steven acted on our latest mission...

Steven: *enters house* Huh?

Garnet: *covered in feathers* Hello, Steven.

Pearl: Amethyst, we do not need that! It's not going to fit in the fridge!

Amethyst: What? I got this.

(She slowly slides a tray out of the fridge, spilling the milk and dropping the bagels, and puts in the giant egg.)

Amethyst: Look, it fits! *slams refrigerator door* (A crack is heard from the inside.) Oh, man. We can make a big omelet, or a quiche, or big sunny side ups!

Me: Or scrambled. My favorite!

Pearl: *makes a face* *to Steven* We fought a giant bird. We're only here for a second, we've got to go back out.

Steven: What? *holds package* Why?

Pearl: *shows Steven the statue* We have to place this Moon Goddess Statue on the top of the Lunar Sea Spire before midnight. Without it, the whole place will fall apart! Oh, Steven, you should have seen the spire in its heyday. *projects hologram of the Sea Spire* It was an oasis for Gems on Earth. It's abandoned now, but we can still save it with this statue!

Steven: Wha? *eyes turn into star shaped* That's perfect!

Me: And why is that perfect?

Steven: Because I can help carry it for you in this! *takes backpack out of package and makes sound effects*

Pearl: A hamburger?

Me: I think it's a cheeseburger.

Steven: Wrong again! It's a novelty backpack, shaped like a cheeseburger! Aww, I blew it. *puts it on shoulder* I was just going to wear it one day, and you guys would be like "Dang, Steven, that's so cool." But this is obviously important Gem business.

Me: How is a cheeseburger shaped backpack important buisness?

Pearl: She's has a point Steven, you should let us take care of it.

Steven: What? I'm a Gem! *lifts up shirt and points to gemstone*

Pearl: But you've still got a lot to learn.

Amethyst: So, let him come! *waves hands* It'll be educational.

Pearl: Hmm... alright. *hands statue to Steven* You can carry it in your hamburger.

Me: Cheeseburger!

Pearl: Whatever.

Steven: Hmm. *opens backpack* Check this out! Everything's a pocket! Even the cheese is a pocket! I could fit a lot more stuff in here. Give me a minute. I'll pack extra supplies. *Steven goes to fridge and puts doughnuts in his backpack, then he goes to his closet and puts two sweaters, an inflatable raft, and a kite. After that, he goes to his room and steps on a stuffed animal; he gasps, then laughs* Mr. Queasy! *shakes the plush doll and laughs* You're definitely gonna come in handy! *removes first aid kit and stuffs it in*

Pearl: Steven, let's go!

Steven: Coming! (walks down stairs)

Pearl: Woah, Steven, did you bring your whole room?

Amethyst: Back that thang up.

Garnet: Let's warp. (blue light flashes from the pad but it doesn't cover Steven's stomach)

Amethyst: Suck it in, Steven! *Steven inhales, pulling his stomach in*

Pearl: Do you remember how to do this? *Steven starts floating and laughing and his head falls out* Keep your head in. *pulls his head in* Come on.

We warped to the sea spire, just as it was starting to fall apart.

Pearl: It wasn't like this a hundred years ago.

Garnet: I'm sensing structural instability.

Steven: Oh, yeah. *crack forms around him* That's never good.

Pearl: Gah, Steven! *the piece begins to fall*

Steven: What? *Pearl jumps up and saves Steven*

Pearl: Alright, hold on. We're taking Steven back! *hugs Steven*

(Steven leaps off her and takes Mr. Queasy out of his backpack.)

Steven: Oh, Mr. Queasy! *laughs*

Pearl: Steven! This place is your heritage. I want you to stay and help, but you really got to take this seriously! Can you do that, Steven?

Steven: You got it, dude! *sticks tongue out*

Me: Gonna be a long mission.

Pearl: Yesss...

Garnet: Enough. we have to move. *the Gems and run up the cliff when Garnet comes to a stop*

Amethyst: What's the hold-up? We can clear this easily.

Garnet: No. The magic that sustains the whirlpool creates a vortex that will pull us below. *Garnet throws a rock to show an example*

Me: Did I mention I have a fear of deathly heights...

Pearl: So we can't jump?

Steven: Oh, wait! *pulls out sweaters from backpack*

Amethyst: What are those for?

Steven: They were for keeping warm, *ties them together* but check it out. *Steven whips one end through the window and catches the other end. Steven takes a deep breath and jumps*

Amethyst: Steven!

Pearl: Wait! *Steven gets pulled down by the vortex*

Amethyst: He's getting sucked down!

Gems: Steven!

Steven: Cheeseburger! *manages to land unharmed*

Me: And he sticks it!

Amethyst: Steven! Way to go! C'mon, guys! (She summons her whip, grabs Me, Pearl,and Garnet, and whips it through the window.) Steven style! (Amethyst climbs up and brings the rest into the Sea Spire.)

Me: Woo-hoo!

Pearl: Don't ever do that again!

Steven: Sorry!

We proceeded into the shattering spire, but we ran into a slight pest problem.

Pearl: Oh, Steven, once the statue's in place, it'll restore all of this to its former glory *sees creatures crawling on the statue's shoulders*— aaah! *summons her spear and slices statue in half*

Steven: What was that goober?

Pearl: Crystal Shrimp.

Amethyst: You guys, we got a problem! *Steven, Pearl and I run up the stairs to Garnet and Amethyst*

Pearl: *looks at all the crystal shrimp and gasps* It's an infestation. And we have to pass through there to get to the top.

Steven: *leans towards one of the crystal shrimp* Can't you just squish 'em?

Pearl: *pulls Steven away* Don't touch that, their shards are deadly! *puts Steven down* We need to clear a path. *projects hologram Amethyst* Amethyst, if you go around to the side and disturb them with a spin attack... *projects Garnet on the ceiling* Marble, you hold them off at the center... *projects me at the center* And Garnet, if you move to the ceiling and strike this exact spot... *projects an X* then I can advance with my... *projects herself*

Steven: Bagel sandwich! (Steven takes two bagel sandwiches out of his backpack, then throws them on each side of the room. The shrimp proceed to follow one of the sandwiches and start to eat them, leaving a clear path for the Gems)

Me: Or we could do that.

Garnet: Brilliant.

Amethyst: Oh hey, what do you know.

Pearl: Uh, uhh, how did you know that would work?

Steven: Well, if I were a shrimp, that's what I would do. (the Gems and I walk through the now clear path)

Me: I'm not following you... (we begin to climb the stairs)

Pearl: I just want everyone to know: my plan would have also worked.

Me: If you ask me, we would've been shrimp food back there if we followed your plan.

Amythyst: Burn!

Pearl: Oh, shut it!

Garnet: Watch out! *the wall to the left of them cracks, and forms a small, rushing river that drops below*

Amethyst: What are we gonna do? *the Gems and I look at Steven*

Steven: What? Me?

Garnet: What have you got?

Me: *chanting* Cheeseburger Backpack! Cheeseburger Backpack! Cheeseburger Backpack!

Amethyst: *joins in* Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! *Steven nervously reaches into his backpack* Pearl, c'mon.

Pearl: Oh, alright... *we all chanted* Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! *Steven smiles and pulls out a yellow raft*

Steven: A raft! (Steven pulls the raft's handle and it inflates; Amethyst and Garnet gasp.)

Pearl: Steven, that's so sensible! (Steven places the raft in the water. It quickly floats away, and goes over the side of the Spire)

Me: You don't by any chance packed a spare raft, did ya?

Steven: No. (all Gems, excluding Garnet, moan. Garnet kicks a pillar and one end lands on the other side of the river, forming a bridge)

Garnet: Good idea anyway, Steven. *the Gems cross the bridge to the other side and begin to walk up another staircase*

Amethyst: Yeah, they can't all be winners.

We continued through the sea spire, until we finally made it to the Moon Goddess Pedestal. But to our dismay, we found out that Steven forgot about it!

Steven: (feels around for the statue but is unable to find it) Uhh, I, uh, ah, uhh...

Amethyst: What's the hold-up?

Steven: *with a terrified look on his face* I don't have it. *the Gems gasp*

Pearl: What?!

Steven: I must have left it on the bed! *the Gems look at the moon*

Pearl: There's... there's no time...

Steven: Wait! *reaches into his backpack* I have an idea! *pulls out Mr. Queasy*

Me: Were doomed...

Amethyst: Could that work? *Pearl and Amethyst look at Garnet, who shrugs*

The boy placed his toy on the pedestal. Then the moon started to shine down upon Mr. Queasy, and it may sound like it actually work but it didn't...

(Mr. Queasy explodes and the Gems scream. The Spire begins to shake, and a bunch of cracks form in the ground. The waterfall starts to close in on the Spire.)

Garnet: Everyone, keep steady! (Amethyst falls into Garnet)

Steven: No, no, no, no, no!

(The cracks separate and the Gems are pushed apart. Each piece sinks and an ocean is all that is left. The Gems swim to the surface.)

Steven: This is all my fault. I broke it.

Pearl: No, Steven, the Spire was falling apart when we got here. You handled everything well under pressure. You did great!

Amethyst: Yeah, two out of four of your ideas worked. That's fifty percent.

Steven: Yeah. I guess you're right. They can't all be winners. *the raft then pops up to the surface, and the Gems stare in amazement* Wooo! *the Gems get in the raft*

Me: Except for maybe that one! Let's hear it!

Amethyst, Pearl, and Me: Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack! Cheeseburger backpack!

Garnet: It's a three-hour paddle home.

Steven: *reaches into his backpack and gets a bagel* Anyone want a wet bagel?

And that's the story of Steven and his cheesburger backpack. Say what ya want, but that thing saved our butts today. And that kid proved he had the guts to handle an extreme gem mission. And as he progresses, he proves he can take on even bigger advarsaries.

But that my friends, is an incredibly different story, for an incredibly different time.


	5. Year 1 - Together Breakfast

**Year 1: Together Breakfast**

Steven is not like any other gem. Despite being the offspring of a legendary crystal gem warrior, he still has the enthusiasm of any young boy. Creative too, especially at breakfast.

(Steven is shown with a plate of waffles covered in syrup, popcorn, and whipped cream with a strawberry on top)

Steven: Done! *sighs* That thing's too good for me to eat alone. It's a... "Together Breakfast".

(Garnet warps in, scroll in hand) Ah, Garnet, perfect! Check it out! It's not exactly healthy, but it's in a stack, so I guess you could say, it's a balanced breakfast? *pulls a smile and strains it* You know, like I made us all breakfast. I thought we could eat together. Like... like best buds!

Garnet: I can't stay. There's business to attend to inside the temple. *opens the Temple Gate*

Steven: Aw, business? Like what?

Garnet: I have to burn this. *opens a scroll with mystic symbols*

Steven: Cool! *takes a picture with his smartphone*

Garnet: *takes the phone* I have to burn this, too. *leaves, door closes behind her*

Steven: No, my apps! *runs to door, lifts shirt and presses gem against door* Door... open door! Aw, you never work when I need it.

(Me and Amethyst burst through the door in the form of two policemen with water guns)

Amethyst: *in a fake voice* Uh, Dumb Police!

Me: You have the right to remain dumb! *we shoot at Steven's breakfast*

Steven: (He looks in shock to where the water is going and jumps in front of the water blast.) *in slow motion* Nooooo!

Amethyst: *we laugh as we morph our heads back to normal* Oh man, we totally got you! You should've seen the look on your face!

Me: Yeah, you were like *speaks in slow motion* Noooooo! *Amethyst and I laugh*

Oh, did I forget to mention I can shapeshift like my buddy Amethyst? Well, now you see why I hang out with her so much.

Steven: Oh, I knew it was you guys.

Amethyst: Pfft, how?

Steven: *changing shirts* Because that's a water gun. And I'm not dumb.

Amethyst: You've got something on your shirt. *Steven looks down, Amethyst hits him with a blast of water and laughs* Duuumb!

Me: *laughs* Nice one! *I low five Amethyst*

*Pearl exits the temple through Amethyst's door with a sword, and she and I shift back to normal*

Amethyst: Hey, that's my door!

Pearl: *holding sword* Oh, Amethyst, there you are. Care to explain what one of my swords was doing in your room?

Amethyst: Having a sword party.

Pearl: Oh please, you took it!

Amethyst: I did not!

Pearl: It's fine. It's in the past, I forgive you. *Amethyst groans* Also, I cleaned up your awful, awful mess. You're welcome.

Amethyst: You did WHAT?! I have a system! *runs into temple*

Steven: Amethyst, wait!

Pearl: What's the matter, Steven?

Steven: I wanted us all to have breakfast together. So I made together breakfast. *points to breakfast*

Me: Breakfast?! Don't mind if I do! *Steven holds away the waffles*

Steven: No! We're supposed to eat it together! *sighs* But everyone keeps leaving.

Pearl: *opens temple door* Ah, that's nice. *sinks into the water*

Steven: Oh no, not you too! I can't let this become together brunch!

Me: No problem! *I try to dig in, but Steven pushed me away*

Steven: Marble! (He runs towards the door and I try to chase after him. He jams the door with his arm and then slips inside Pearl's Room)

Me: You can run, but you can't hide Universe!

Luckily, I know my way around the other gems' rooms through secret holes I made in the temple. Can't tell ya where, wouldn't be much of a secret if I did.

Meanwhile, Steven was still determine to make this a "together breakfast". He toured through Pearl's room and almost drowned, next was Amethyst's room, and she was as interested at eating the breakfast as I am.

Steven: No! *pulls away* It's for everyone to eat together. That's the essence of together breakfast.

Amethyst: Oh... Gimme, gimme!

Me: Not so fast! *I slide down through one of my holes into Amethyst's room, where I pounced her* It's mine you understand! Mine! All mine!

We both chased after Steven down the corridor, fighting to see which one us can have the first bite of those waffles. We ran him down a twisted corridor that turned him upside down.

Amethyst: You can't outrun me; we both have short legs! *I trip her over*

Me: And I have longer legs! *I contine to chase Steven with Amythyst right behind me*

Steven went back right side up, and that's when I snag the waffles away from him!

Me: Breakfast grab! *I take the plate of his hands, but Amethyst used her whip to tie up my and tripped me. The breakfast was sliding through the rest of the corridor*

Steven: Noooo! *He ran after it and caught it, but found himself sliding down into my room and landing on my bed*

Oh, how to describe my room sweet room? Well, it's a bit like any human's room. Pictures on the wall, bouncy bed, training dummies, a place to hang all my other weaponry and explosives... Oh wait, you don't have your own weapon and explosives collecton? Pity.

Steven: *looks around* Where am I?

Me: You're in my house now, son! (I slide down and bounced Steven off, sending him flying. I jumped and nabbed the breakfast from him again) Sweetness! (Amethyst used her whip again and tied my hands away of the plate, which fell into Steven's hands again. And not a single popcorn kernel was spilled) Get back here!

Steven dashed to the only door in my room. But when he opened it, the place was a huge gap with floating platforms. That breakfast was as good as mine!

Amethyst and Me: *in unison* Steven! I'm hungry!

Steven: *jumps on the platforms* Just... Hold... On! An exit, woo! *jumps towards final platform, causing the breakfast to fall apart and Steven catches all of it in order* Skills!

Amethyst: *we jump after him* Get back here!

Steven: You guys are completely missing the point of this! *jumps and clings onto crystal heart vein*

Me: Oh, I get the point alright. Breakfast was meant to be eaten!

Amethyst: Hey, wait a second!

Me: What? Why'd we stop?

Pearl: (enters from other side) Steven, there you are!

Steven: Pearl, sweet. Three out of four.

Pearl: (noticing what he's clinging to) Oh, oh! Steven, be careful!

Steven: Why? Wha? *stares up at crystal heart* Whoa...

Me: Yep. That's a crystal heart...

Pearl: You really shouldn't be in here, this is the Crystal Heart. Oh! It's connected to the most dangerous areas of the temple! Hold on tight, and don't look down.

Steven: *looks down, gasps, slips down* Aaah! *slides through a bright room with pink clouds; music briefly changes to a more serene track* Oh hey, this isn't so bad. *slides into darker room; previous music resumes* Ah, nevermind! (Steven slides down to a stop just above Garnet who is about to burn the scroll in the lava well; Garnet takes out his phone, snaps it in half, and drops it into lava* Aw... *slides down* (Garnet takes out the scroll and begins to burn it within a bubble; Amethyst, Pearl, and I drop down from above)

Me: *whispering* There you are you little scamp.

Pearl: *whipering* Steven, we're getting you out of here.

Amethyst: *whispering* Come on.

Steven: *yelling* Oh, this is great! We're all togethe- *I cover Steven's mouth*

Me: Keep quiet If you wanna live...

Steven: *oblivious* We can finally eat! I mean, we don't have any forks, but we can use our hands! I'm not gonna judge.

Me: Great! *grabs the plate*

Garnet: *distracted but still trying to contain spirit* Steven, go!

Steven: Okay, want to meet in the kitchen? (Garnet becomes too distracted and Smoke Monster escapes and expands)

Me: No one's gettin' my breakfast! Hold this. *I give the plate back to Steven and the gems and I summon our weapons*

Garnet: It's trying to escape! Force it back! (We fight the spirit, doing damage to it while Steven backs away. Once harmed too much, the spirit makes a dash for Steven, and hits the breakfast, possessing it and knocking Steven down)

Gems: Steven!

Steven: Ugh... *breakfast shakes* Together breakfast? (breakfast transforms into a massive monster of its ingredients)

Me: That's not good!

Pearl: It's taken refuge in organic matter! *monster hits Pearl and sticks her to the wall with a mix of whipped cream and syrup*

Garnet: Now it has all the power of a breakfast; we have to destroy it.

Me: Leave this to me ladies! *I try to eat the possesed breakfast, but it shot me with syrup and covered my mouth with a strawberry* Mmmrph!

Pearl: *surrounded by whipped cream* Aah! It's horrible!

Steven: I didn't want this! I just wanted to eat together like, like best buds!

Garnet: Steven, you've got to get away.

Steven: But my breakfast! (the monster launches a giant waffle at both Garnet and Amethyst which smashes them against a wall)

Steven: That's... enough! I... don't care if you... are the most important meal of the day! *pushing the monster from the bottom, into the lava well* I made you to bring us together... not to tear us apart! (Steven pushes monster all the way into lava, destroying it. We escape from its mass and gather around the well)

Me: Goodbye, my sweet...

Steven: I'm sorry guys, I guess I dream too big.

[Montage of Gems recreating Steven's original breakfast, but twice the size of his]

Steven: It looks great! It's even more together and even more breakfast!

(Steven and Gems, excluding me, stare at it with great concern and unwillingness to eat it.)

Steven: I don't think I can eat this.

Amethyst: Let's order a pizza. *Steven and Pearl agree*

Garnet: It did try to kill us.

*Star iris out, and iris back in to show me eating the together breakfast*

Me: More for me. *winks*

[end]


	6. Year 1 - Bubble Buddies

**Year 1: Bubble Buddies**

Beach City, a peaceful little town by the... well the beach. But don't let that description fool 'ya. Strange things are always happening, just today there were few earthquakes shakin' up the place. But things are going to be a bit different, 'cause Steven was about to meet a new friend.

Amethyst: (Steven's bike crashes on the sand near the Gems as Steven picks it up.) Hey look! Steven's got a bike! Where ya going, Steven?

Steven: Just out for a ride.

Pearl: In the sand?

Steven: Yup!

Me: Don't fall and skin a knee!

Pearl: Don't encourage him Marble.

Steven: *parks his bike* Some smooth ride... *looks at Connie, who isn't paying attention* five speeds, *looks at her again, and back at the bike* hand brakes, *looks back at Connie, then the bike* electric blue finish with a tiger bell! *rings bell, Connie flips the page of her book, still ignoring Steven* I bet there are a lot of kids who'd love to ride this bi- (Steven tries to ride his bike with the stand still up.) Wooah! (He falls on his bike and looks at it, and at Connie, then throws his helmet away running away, embarrassed.) Wahhh!

Pearl: Who were you talking to?

Steven: Huh?

Garnet: That girl.

Steven: You saw? *Steven starts to blush* She's just a girl I know, except she doesn't know me. We've never talked.

Amethyst: *gasp* You like her! *smushes his face*

Steven: Uhh... I like everyone...

Pearl: *gasps* Let's set up a play-date! I'll write up an invitation and work out a schedule. Ohh! We'll have to find out her favorite kind of tea...

Me: Uh, I don't it's that kind of like Pearl. *I wiggle my eyebrows*

Steven: No No! She's just a friend, really...*continues to blush*

Me: Riiiight...

Garnet: Just talk to her.

Steven: Okay. But you guys can't watch this time! It'll mess up my funky flow.

Pearl & Amethyst: Funky flow?

Garnet: We won't watch. *adjusts visor*

Steven: Alright! *runs to the fridge to take out a glowing bracelet*

Amethyst: What's that?

Steven: *runs outside* Nothing! *another tremor occured*

Pearl: Marble, you keep an eye on those two.

Me: I dunno P, no one likes a third wheel.

Pearl: I'm not asking you to interfere, I'm asking to make sure there safe. Also, I want to know more about this "girl" Steven's with. I don't want them getting into trouble.

Me: Maybe you're right, Pearl. Perhaps I may teach him how to talk to girls in the process. Besides, how much trouble can those crazy kids get into?... *cut to me outside* Well... *camera zooms out to see Steven and Connie in a bubble like shield* This is different.

Steven: Marble? What are you doing here.

Me: Pearl wanted me to make sure you two don't get into trouble.

Steven: But no one likes a third wheel!

Me: That's what I said. *I lean on the bubble* But, then I saw how you were talking to that girl *points at Connie* and I figured you could use some advice. Speaking of which, *I turn to Connie* name's Marble. What's yours kid?

Connie: *adjusts her glasses* Connie. Connie Maheshwaran.

Me: Nice to meet ya. Now, mind if ya tell me what's the problem.

Steven: Well, I was talking to Connie, then there was roar so loud a rock fell and poof! This bubble appeared!

Connie: How did this happen?

Steven: I'm magic, well... half magic, on my mom's side.

Connie: You did this?

Me: Oh yeah! He's like a magical guardian in training. You should've seen him last week, he turned his finger into cat! *Steven blushes* I could go on like this for hours, but first. *I summon my axe* Let's get you two out of this nasty bubble, shall we!

I took a swing at the shield, Steven and Connie stood apart so they won't get hurt. But the bubble wasn't popped.

Me: (I scratch my head in confusion, and I took multple swings at it, but nothing happened) Maybe, I should try a different approach...

I ran back to a temple for a second, and brought back some weapons from my room. A spear (not like Pearl's in case your wondering), a sword, a chainsaw, a jackhammer, a sledgehammer. There was a mini montage of me using 'em all on the bubble, but I still didn't get anything, not even a dent!

Me: *panting* I gotta hand it to 'ya Universe. You make one sturdy bubble... But I'm one sturdy gem! *cut to a few seconds later where I form explosives around the bubble.

Connie: Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Me: Relax kid, I've seen this stuff in cartoons. As soon as this baby goes off, you pop right out, and I'll be ready to catch ya!

Steven: Maybe we should get the gems here?

Me: Nah, If anything we should get Amethyst here. Because she's gonna wanna see this!

I pushed down the detonator then... BOOM! The bubble was sent flying high into the sky, and no one inside was harmed. The kids were then falling down to earth and hopefully into my arms. With me little knowing the bubble was still unscathed...

Me: *I held out my arms* Come to mama! *The bubble then landed on my head, painfully smashing it, Connie and Steven rolled down onto the sand while I stood there with a froze look on my face*

Connie: Is she alright?

Steven: Yeah, she's been through worse. She's kind of a loose cannon, like Amethyst but with Garnet's body.

Connie: Yeah, I think we should as the others for help.

Steven: Good idea! I know just who to ask! Marble, roll us to the Big Donut!

Me: I'd like to use one of my life lines please...*I pass out*

And so a few minutes later after I regain conciousness. I rolled Steven and his girl to a donut resturant in the middle of town. Where I met more of Steven's human friends.

(Sadie is attempting to break the bubble with a hammer)

Lars: BWAHAHAH! Way to go Steven! Is this your magic love bubble or something? Did you make it because you're in looove? *presses his face against the bubble*

Me: I know right! Name's Marble. *Lars shook my hand*

Lars: Lars, charmed I'm sure.

Steven: Yeah, were basically BFFS. (No sooner after greeting me, he went back to teasing Steven)

Me: Yeah, I can see that.

Sadie: Lars, quit being a jerk and help!

Lars: What? I'm helping Steven on his date.

Sadie: You're embarrassing him!

Lars: No, I'm not!

Sadie: Yes, you are! (Lars and Sadie's argument becomes inaudible in the background)

Me: They make a great couple, don't they?

Steven: Yeah, they're crazy about each other.

Sadie: *running inside* I'm gonna go try something else!

Steven: Anyway, this place has the best doughnuts! I come here, like, everyday!

Connie: My parents don't let me eat doughnuts. They have trans fats.

Steven: Wha-a-a-a-a-a-a-at?!

Me: Oh, you gotta try their donuts. The jelly filleds are to die for! *Lars starts making kissy faces again*

Steven: Well, it's still a cool place to hang out.

Sadie: (comes running out of the Big Donut with a stool) AHHH! *hits bubble with chair breaking the stool*

Me: Forget it sister. That thing is axe proof, spear proof, chainsaw proof, hammer proof, jackhammer proof, and dynamite proof! There is no way you can't pop this bubble.

Steven: I may have an idea.

(At the Beach City Pier)

Connie: *looking around Pier* Whoa, a troller! And a little skip-jack!

Me: You sure know your boats, kid.

Connie: That's what happens when you hang out at the beach and don't swim and don't have friends. *awkward pause* Y-you look at boats...

Me: Ooooh...kay?

Steven: Heh, uh, *notices Onion* Oh hey, Onion, Onion!

Meet Onion, the silent little sailor. Not much to say about him. Except, creep to the E.

(Onion waves at us)

Steven: We need a Harpoon Gun!

Connie: *alarmed* What?

Steven: To pop the bubble.

Connie: Can't we just go back to your house?

Steven: It's okay, I'm a Gem. Onion, we need a harpoon gun! *slowly* HAR-POON-GUUUN!

(Onion eats popcorn obliviously, so Steven breathes on the bubble, creating fog where he attempts to illustrate a harpoon gun.)

Steven: *drawing* Haar-pooon-guuun... (Onion continues eating obliviously.) Ugh! *facepalms*

Me: *I went up to Onion* Allow me to translate for my friends here. Do you know where I can find a harpoon gun? *Onion points at a boat with a harpoon gun* Thank you! *I run to the boat, where I begin to aim the gun at Steven's bubble* Okay, try not to scream this time. *I shoot the harpoon but it deflects and hits a boat, sinking it* I was not the cause of that... *I walked away from the boat*

(At Funland)

Connie: "Funland"?

Steven: Yeah! Tons of horrible accidents happen here everyday! There's gotta be something to break this bubble.

Connie: Umm...

Steven: We just gotta find the right ride. *spots a roller coaster* Yeah, the kiddie coaster! Alright, we just roll down this ramp as the carts are coming at us, and the crash will break us free!

Connie: What happens after the bubble pops?

Steven: We'll be free!

(Awkward pause.)

Me: She means after you're free?

Steven: I'm not sure... but at least we'll be free. (Awkward pause)

Me: Yeah, I'm gonna sit this one out.

I walk away from the funland. Just then the monster roared shaking the entire park.

Me: Wow, that was even louder that time! At least the kids are alright. I mean there trapped in an indestructible bubble! Can't get much worse than that can it? *I then see the Steven and Connie's bubble fly through the sky and into the ocean* I spoke too soon didn't I?

The kids were underwater for what seemed like hours, luckily they can still breathe inside that bubble because it was air tight. But by the time I came back with the rest of the gems, Steven and Connie were finally free and they took care of the monster.

All Gems: Steven!

Pearl: *accusingly* Steven, what's going on?! What did you do?!

Connie: He was incredible!

Steven: Really? You mean it? *she nods* Here's your bracelet...again.

Connie: Thanks. *laughs* (Garnet picks up and bubbles away the fallen gem)

Amethyst: *grabs Steven* So, are you going to introduce us? *Steven blushes*

Me: Connie, Gems. Gems, Connie.

Pearl: *to Connie* Steven was so excited to meet you. Right Steven? *Steven nods and laughs nervously*

Garnet: *picks up Pearl and Amethyst* Hey. Don't mess with his funky flow. *walks off with them*

Connie: Funky... flow?

Steven: Uhh... *laughing nervously, groaning*

And so you've met Connie, Steven's little friend. She's ordinary to the human eye. But as she gets to know us, she proves that she can be as extraordinary as Steven. As for her folks... well, that's an incredibly different story for an incredibly different time.


	7. Year 1 - Serious Steven

**Year 1: Serious Steven**

Two weeks ago, what started as a fun day at Funland. Turned to a huge disaster! I could go on about what happened that day, but we have go on with today's story. We were all on the warp pad, on our way to Steven's very first serious mission.

Garnet: Pay attention Steven, this is going to be your first serious mission. You need to be ready.

Steven: *warping upside down* *excitedly* Yes! I'm ready, I'm so ready!

Pearl: Steven come on, you're gonna make yourself sick. (turns him upright, but gets hit in the eye by Steven's ukulele) Why did you bring that?

Steven: *anxiously* I don't know! I was excited, and i-it's mine, and I like it! *Ukulele floats away, Steven swims after it* Huh?

Pearl: Steven, get back here, you could get seriously- (Gems warp into battlefield, Steven warps several feet into the air and several yards away- ...Hurt! *sees him fall, covering him in strawberry juice; Steven groans) Steven! Are you-

Me: Don't worry, he's fine. The strawberries broke his fall.

Steven: *covered in strawberry juice* Yeah, I-I'm fine! I'm good; I'm just gooey. *licks himself, and butterflies swarm up to him* Aah! They're in my eyes! *runs frantically yelling* *I grabbed him and gentily blew the butterflies off him*

Garnet: They're just butterflies Steven.

Steven: *laughs* Well, they looked a lot bigger when they were on my eyeballs.

Amethyst: *laughs* Steven you're a riot!

Pearl: I'm suddenly having second thoughts about bringing Steven on this one.

Garnet: Shh...Just look at him. *Steven strikes pose*

Me: How can 'ya say no to a face like that?

Garnet: Now let's go recover the gemstone. (Gems and Steven begin walking through the field, littered with swords stuck in the ground)

Pearl: *observing the field* Unbelievable, this was once a Gem battle field, now it's wild strawberries as far as the eye can see! Oh, that's what I love about the Earth!

Me: Me too! Especially what the earth's got to offer. *I use one of the swords to pick and eat a few strawbrries* Though, there are a few things that keep me wonderin'. Like, why do they call these strawberries if there not even made of straw.

Pearl: I don't know what worry about more. Bringing Steven to this mission, or bringing you.

We proceeded into the pyramid temple. Where our mission was to recover a gemstone.

Steven: *enters temple* Woah! *yelling* Steven's the best! *echoes back* Why thank you, temple.

Me: May I try? *yelling* Pearl's an idiot!

Echo: You're an idiot!

Amethyst: You're both doofs.

Steven: *runs over to floating Pyramid in the center* Hey, what's this thing? It's like a cool floaty triangle thing.

Pearl: Whatever it is, you probably shouldn't touch it. (Steven tips it upside down, the temple begins to shake, gems rush over) Steven! What have we told you about touching magical things?

Steven: Definitely, always, never do it! (We all begin to float up and then fall straight down a hole, leading to an inner chamber, gems land gracefully, Steven, on his stomach, and me, on top of Garnet. The hole is covered and torches light up all around us) Whoa...

Me: Your hair's soft like a pillow.

Garnet: Get off me. *I do so*

Amethyst: Looks like we're gonna have to split up.

Pearl: Right. Steven and I will stay right here where it seems to be safe, while you guys go and solve the mystery of this place.

Steven: Wait, I want to help solve the mystery!

Amethyst: Yeah, c'mon guys, let's solve the mystery. *picks Steven up*

Steven: Yeah, mystery solvers!

Pearl: *takes Steven* No, no no no-no-no, you two are a disaster waiting to happen.

Garnet: Steven goes with me.

Steven: Really? Awesome!

Garnet: Very well. But remember, this is a serious mission.

Steven: *still being held by Pearl* Understood. Serious Steven! Pearl, can you put me down?

Steven: I need to be standing or else it doesn't work. Serious Steven: Activate!

Pearl: But this could be the teacups all over again.

Me: He'll be fine Pearl. Besides, he's got Garnet.

And so we split up through the big pyramid, me with Pearl, and Amethyst. And little Steven with big Garnet. We both had our share of perilous trials. Smashing spikes, through raging fires, and spinning blades. But little Steven managed to pull through. But he was still haunted by his past. You see, it all started two weeks ago where we were at funland...

(Gems, Steven and I prepare to ride The Teacups ride in Beach City Funland, operated by Mr. Smiley)

Garnet: *light tone* Get ready Steven. This is gonna be intense.

Steven: I'm ready!

Me: I dare ya not to barf, Am!

Amethyst: *yawns* Oh yeah! Well first to barf, treats the winner to snacks.

Me: It's on!

(On ride, Pearl is holding a tea pot, I was holding on and Amethyst sleeping in one cup)

Pearl: I misunderstood the point of this ride.

On the other cup was Steven and Garnet. But as the ride started, it was too much for the poor boy to take. About to barf he jumped off the ride and landed on Mr. Smiley, causing massive destruction! All of us went flying off as the ride went super fast! Smiley tried to keep in his trademark smile, even though he was furious at Steven for all the damage he caused.

Mr. Smiley: *laughs* Steven! You are banned from all the rides, forever!

And that's the whole story, that faithful accident still haunted the kid to this very day. By the time we'd all gathered back at the main chamber, Steven was losing it.

Pearl: Garnet, there you are! The doors and rooms here make no sense, they all bring you here!

Amethyst: *running out of a door groaning* Get me out of here! *runs into another*

Pearl: There are sixteen doors, and we entered from the northeast and went through three consecutive rooms in a straight line... (Amethyst returns, a bear trap on her head, which she removes, and runs through another) ...but arrived back here out the southern most door, which could only mean... well I don't know what it means! I— *Amethyst slides in, frozen in a block of ice* This is a death trap! *tries to break Amethyst free with spear*

Me: If I knew if it was gonna be this hard to find a gemstone, I shoudln't have stayed home!

Steven: W-What do we do?

Garnet: We go back in. Again, and again, and again, and again.

Me: No way! You ain't sendin' me back in there! Never! I'm gettin outta here! *I run through one of the doors and return burnt to a crisp* *coughs*

Steven: Me neither!

Pearl: *concerned* Steven. (Amethyst and I exchanged concerned looks)

Garnet: It's okay.

Steven: No, no it's not! You were all right about me. I wanted to do this so bad, but now I feel like I'm gonna throw up. This is just like the teacups!

Me: But at least none of us are barfing this time. *gags* No wait... *I went to the back of Amethyst and puked*

Pearl: Oh Steven, I-I didn't really mean that.

Steven: Wait! Ah! Wait you guys, what if this is just like the teacups? That's why we're getting so lost. That's why I'm feeling so sick. All the rooms are spinning us around so we end up here!

Me: *I wiped the vomit from my face* Not exactly following you there. (Garnet punches through the center of the room, breaking the floor and revealing a hidden lower room filled with spinning upside down pyramids, orbiting around a central floating obelisk embedded with a gem)

Steven: (being caught by Garnet, while I'm on her back) Woah!

Me: And here comes the vomit again...*I cover my puke filled mouth*

Pearl: This is unbelievable! *projects hologram of rooms* This gem powered mechanism! It's manipulating the rooms above. Every room we entered spun us until we came back to the central chamber! It's just like the teacups ride at Funland!

Garnet: Steven already figured that out!

Pearl:*embarrassed* Oh... *hides hologram*

Me: Yeah, but there's only one question... WHERE'S THE GEMSTONE?! (I see it) Oh, wait, there it is!

Steven: *notices gem, gasps* Garnet, I need to get off the ride now.

Garnet: *she nods at Steven* Serious Steven: Go! *throws Steven*

(Steven lands on the obelisk, and tugs at the gemstone in the center causing it to glow and then eject. Once the power source is removed, the Pyramid's energy becomes absorbed back into the gemstone causing the Temple to explode, creating a massive crater. The Gems emerge from the surrounding bushes.)

Me: Stop the world I'd like to get off... *I pass out*

Pearl: Steven? Steven?! Where is he?

Amethyst: Ahh, he's over here.

Steven: *still holding gem, covered in strawberry juice once more* The gem...

Pearl: *bubbles gem* Ah, I'd say you handled that adventure very well. *bubbles gem away*

Amethyst: Yeah, nice job "Serious Steven".

Garnet: I prefer regular Steven.

Amethyst: *carries me* Come on, Marbs. Ya big baby.

Me: Hey, I survived a Gem-tomic explosion, didn't I?

Amethyst: Yeah, but you also barfed a lot.

Me: Shut up...

Garnet: What matters is, we're all safe. *hands over ukulele*

Steven: Hey, my ukulele! *tunes then sings* Ooh that's the end of another day, it was mighty serious, so I'd have to say: The Crystal Gems looked really cool, when they made the temple explo— *butterflies swarm him* -ooodde! Aah! They're in my eyes again! *runs around frantically*

Me: Way to go, Serious Steven. *gags* *Iris out*


	8. Year 1 - Tiger Millionare

**Year 1: Tiger Millionare**

When it comes to being on a team of earth guardians, there's nobody I rather hang out than Amethyst. What can I say, we have so much in common. We're both mischevous, reckless, and always disreguarding the ways of modern society. In short, we're good friends.

(The Gems warp into the Crystal Temple, Pearl scolds me and Amethyst for our recklessness)

Pearl: How could you two possibly think punching a blood polyp was a good idea? Look at all the gunk you got on me! *flicks away a small piece of gunk on her arm*

Me: But it does wonders for my hair. *I slather the goo on my hair*

Pearl: But look at Steven! *points at Steven*

Steven: *whole body expect face is covered in gunk* It's not so bad once you get used to it.

Amethyst: See? He likes it.

Pearl: He certainly won't like it when it hardens.

Steven: (starts to get worried) Uhh, what? Umm, I'm gonna go wash. *begins to waddle away*

Pearl: He shouldn't have been so close in the first place.

Amethyst: How were we supposed to know they pop?

Pearl: You're always putting us in danger with your little outbursts! *Amethyst puts her fingers in her ears*

Me: Hey, you can't expect Amethyst to act like a Crystal Gem. Because she IS a Crystal Gem.

Pearl: Oh shut it! You're in just as much trouble as she is. (Pearl sees Amethyst making faces) (To Amethyst) Ugh, you are just... so... CHILDISH!

Amethyst: Yeah, yeah. And don't forget: Reckless, vulgar, "loud mouth". And that's just what makes me so awesome! RIGHT, GARNET? (yells)

Garnet: (Shifts visor) Amethyst, you are a Crystal Gem. You need to act like it.

Amethyst: (looks hurt) Fine. *walks into her room*

Pearl: (finally smiles) I think we really got through to her! *Garnet groans worryingly* Right, Garnet? *both leaves house, all ignoring Steven*

I sigh and went over to Amethyst's door.

Amethyst: What do you want, oh hey Marble.

Me: Guess we both got into trouble today, eh? *Amethyst sighs* Look, I know what you've been through, and I just want you to know that I'm there for you.

Amethyst: Thanks Marbs.

Me: No problem. Now come on, let's get ready... *we both smiled*

(That night)

(Steven is asleep in a hardened shell of gunk. Temple Door opens, waking Steven)

Me: (whispering) Alright, remember what I taught you. You're a vicious preadator, you feed on their hatred, and you're hungry. Make it look ugly.

Amethyst: (whispering) You got it, boss!

(falls over and shatters the shell, freeing him)

Steven: *on ground* Amethyst? Marble?

In an abandoned warehouse, everything was set for a big wrestling match. The audience was cheering with anticipation. Amethyst, transformed into her wrestling persona introduced by the M.C, aka Mr Smiley.

Mr. Smiley: *announcing* For those of you befuddled by the events of athleticism, you are about to see: the Purple Puma, rrrah, is the single most hated wrestler in Beach City Underground's...HIS-TO-RYYY! *crowd boos*

Steven: What? *Amethyst eggs on crowd*

Me: That's my girl!

Mr. Smiley: Alright ladies and gentlemen, let's introduce his opponent, or should I say: Victim. *laughs* The Loch Ness Bloggster!

Ronaldo: (dressed as Loch Ness Bloggster) I'm, uh, going to end your reign of terror! Aah! *runs at her, who simply gets knocked down with a block*

Mr. Smiley: *laughs* Well, now, now that was quick. *crowd boos* Yeah, yeah, I don't like it either but hey, what do you do? *Puma throws Ronaldo at crowd*

(Outside the warehouse)

Me: You did great in there kid! (Amethyst bursts through back doors, roars happily and then shapeshifts back to normal)

Amethyst: Yeah, it wasn't bad. Though that weakling didn't put up much of a fight.

Steven: Amethyst! *attempts to put her in a head lock, only for Amethyst to flip him on his back*

Me: What the- Steven?

Amethyst: *shocked, looks around* What are you doing here?

Steven: Are you a secret wrestler?

Amethyst: Yeah.

Steven: (To me) And you're her manager?

Me: Yep.

Steven: *gasps* But HOW? But WHEN? But WHY?

Amethyst: *looks at him* Come here. Lemme explain something to you. *puts arm around him* In the ring, nobody can tell me what to do! And if they try, I hit 'em in the face with a chair! (shouts)

Steven: But If Marble's your manager, doesn't she tell you what to do?

Me: In a context sort of way, yes.

Steven: *looks at Amethyst's arm* And people... like that?

Amethyst: "Like it"? They LOVE it! Aha, well, they hate it, but it's all part of the fun you know? E-everyone here, gets that. Urggh! You don't know what it's like having Pearl and Garnet on your back all the time!

Steven: Are you kidding me? *impersonates Pearl* Oh Steven, I told you before not to take peanut butter on missions. *impersonates Garnet* I'm not going to say anything, but I expect you to understand that was wrong. *Amethyst and I laugh* Let me be a wrestler with you, I'm so stifled!

Amethyst: (thinks about it) Well, I haven't won the tag team belt yet. But you can't tell Pearl and Garnet.

Steven: Deal!

(The next morning)

Steven: (Steven slicks back his hair with Margarine, wears suspenders and places a small whisker mask on, thus becoming the wrestler Tiger Millionaire.) Are you READY? Presenting: Tiger Millionaire! Rich feline industrialist from Jungle Island, once the single child of the wealthy Tiger Family, he clawed out his own destiny making money in the coconut mines.

Amethyst: (interrupts his imagination) Wow, you just came up with all that?

Steven: Well yeah, what's your backstory?

Amethyst: Pumas are cool.

Steven: Uhh... we'll workshop that later.

(That night)

Mr. Smiley: Two local heroes in the ring tonight, they build hospitals for the sick, and they build muscles that look slick! Give it up for... Concrete Heat and Chunk Truck!; Facing off against the Purple Puma and our newest, mewest competitor: Tiger Millionaire! *Crowd boos*

Lars: That little guy's gonna get creamed.

Sadie: From here *chews popcorn* he kinda looks like Steven.

Lars: Pfft! Yeah, right.

Amethyst: (Steven prepares to step into the ring, but she blocks him) Steven, wait! I'm just using you to get the tag team belt; I'll do all the actual fighting.

Steven: Do I still get to wear the costume?

Amethyst: I don't care!

Steven: Okay! (Gives Amethyst a thumbs up and Purple Puma roars and charges at Chunk Trunk.)

Mr. Smiley: Oh! Devastating move by Puma!

Steven: Uh?- Purple! Purple Puma! Look out! (Concrete Heat places a traffic cone on Purple Puma's head)

Mr. Smiley: What a gross usage of safety equipment, and your tax dollars.

Steven: That's not fair!

Mr. Smiley: It may not seem fair, but hey, anything goes in wrestling.

Steven: It DOES?!

Mr. Smiley: Oh YES it does!

Steven: (to self) Looks like this Tiger's gotta turn cheetah! (to Chunk Truck) Hey Chunk Truck! I'll give you a million jungle bucks to throw the match!

Mr. Smiley: What's this? It looks like Tiger Millionaire is offering a bribe!

Chunk Truck: Why? We could fill a thousand potholes with— (Chunk Truck gets hit by Tiger Millionaire's briefcase) Ahuh!

Lars: Oh snap! Did you see that? (swats away Sadie's popcorn making her glare at him rudely; Purple Puma knocks out Chunk Truck)

Mr. Smiley: Oh! I mean just wow!

Amethyst: Way to go Tiger! *holds Tiger Millionaire's hand as he blushes*

And so every night the two have won every match. Purple Puma would smash the opponents, while Tiger Millonare tried his best to cheat his way to the top. Little did we know that Garnet and Pearl were starting to figure out what were up to late at night.

Mr. Smiley: (sweats) Record breaking heat tonight folks! Could it be? Tiger Millionaire has bought out our soda stand. Maybe he'll share with his thirsty fans...oh! (Steven drops soda all over the ground) Now there's no sodas for anybody. Wha— and now he's putting on galoshes? (Steven stomps in the puddle) Wow folks, this is really hard to watch.

Lars: Aahahahaha! Classic! Tiger! Hey Tiger! Would you sign this? It'd be so rad!

Steven: You couldn't AFFORD it! (Steven knocks Lars' soda on the ground, but lars looks crushed and blushes in embarrassment)

Mr. Smiley: Woah... Never thought I'd live to see the day when a contender turned down his own fan. (Lars throws Tiger Millionaire's tie on the ground)

Steven: I thought we were just having fun!

Mr. Smiley: Tiger Millionaire, you're the cruelest creature on the planet. (The crowd jeers and boos at him)

Amethyst: Hey Tiger! Are ya ready to win our final match?

Steven: (in his underwear looking at his Tiger Mask sadly) Amethyst... Am I the cruelest creature on the planet?

Amethyst: (chuckles) Oh Steven, those are just words people use to describe how they feel about you. (Steven grows sadder, I nudge Amethyst)

Me: Listen kid. Don't let anyone make you feel like garbage.

Steven: (To Amethyst) Is that how you feel?

Amethyst: I only feel how I wanna feel. (walks off with a mad expression, I walk with her)

Me: I don't know If we can let Steven in tonight's match.

Amethyst: Why not? He's been doing great for the last few days.

Me: But look at 'em! He's already getting emotionally body slammed out there! Besides, what if he gets literally body slammed?

Amethyst: We already agreed that I'm doing most of the fighting.

Me: But...*Amethyst walks away* You know, my delecate inner sense of the common variety warns me about the dire concequences of tonight's actions.

(That night)

Mr. Smiley: Ladies and gentlemen, fans of wrestling, Welcome to the tag team championship! In the ring tonight: They stomped their way through the tournament and into out hearts, give it up y'all! Give it up! For Dashing Danny Doober and Handsome Hank Hackleschmidt! Only one thing would make these men look better folks: it's the tag team belt! But! Standing in their way are the ruthless kings of the jungle, they'll eat your kids and fire your parents! Ooh! Yes, it can only be: the Purple Puma and Tiiiger Millionaire! (severe booing from crowd)

Random Man: Don't you dare hurt those men, you monsters!

Sadie: Man, people are really hating on Tiger M.

Lars: He's awful because he hurt me specifically. *holds up "TIGER IS A JERK!" sign*

(The match is about to begin then suddenly the lights turn on and Pearl and Garnet jump down from above)

Steven: Pearl? Ah... Garnet?

Amethyst: What are you doing?

Pearl: What are WE doing? What is THIS? (Shouts) *holds up Steven's promotional flyer*

Steven: I thought we could use some promotion. (Purple Puma looks angrily at him.)

Me: And that's my cue... (I try to sneak off, but I stepped on some popcorn and the sound gave me away. Garnet and Pearl look at me) Um, I can explain...*I point at Lars* He's the manager!

Mr. Smiley: Looks like we have some new opponents!

Pearl: No you don't! This match (Turns to crowd) is cancelled!

Steven: What? Why?

Pearl: "Why"? I can't believe you've been sneaking off to this...this circus of violence! (to Amethyst) And you! (whispers) Using your Gem-powers on humans?!

Amethyst: It's not enough that you're on my case all the time, you have to ruin this for me too? (starts to get furious)

Pearl: We're not here to fight. (Crowd cheers "Fight!")

Garnet: Steven, Amethyst.

Amethyst: What?

Garnet: Go back to the temple.

Amethyst: I don't wanna! *shoves Garnet and everyone gasps*

Garnet: Don't do this. *summons gauntlet and is locked in a short fight with Amethyst*

Me: I can't just stand here and watch this... One popcorn please!

Steven: (Amethyst squeezes Garnet.) Guys! Stop! (Garnet decks Amethyst into the ground, the microphone rolls over to Steven)

Steven: *into microphone* Wait! I want to tell you Purple Puma's backstory. He was the wildest cat in the jungle, so wild, the other cats couldn't take it. So she, I mean he, went to look for somewhere he fit in, somewhere with other people who felt misunderstood.

Sadie: That really sounds like Steven. (Lars shushes Sadie.)

Steven: That's why we're all here. To be wild and free, and body slam each other, and wear cool costumes, and make up nicknames and uh... so can't we just have this? Can't we just wrestle? (Garnet takes microphone)

Garnet: No. (everyone gasps) Because we are the... Notorious O-order of... Wrestling... Haters.

Pearl: That's right! Um...we wanna stop all wrestling everywhere! Are you going to let us destroy all wrestling? (laughs nervously) Hee-huh?

Lars: You gotta save wrestling! Come on! Tiger! Puma! Tiger! Puma! (He holds up his renewed sign that says "TIGER IS NOT A JERK" and stands on the chair to get the crowd to chant for Tiger and Puma.)

(Crowd starts chanting "Tiger! Puma!")

Steven: We'll stop you!

Mr. Smiley: What a stunning turn around! (Steven pretends to defeat Pearl.) The Jungle Duo are fighting back! (Amethyst and Steven pretend to defeat Garnet.) And they've taken down Captain Square, but wait wait, it's the... it's the Good Looking Gang with a ladder! Are they planning to steal the belt? No! Oh, they're actually helping Tiger up! (Mr. Smiley's words fade into the background)

Amethyst: (kneels beside Garnet, who is laying on the floor) Sorry for... uh... Sorry.

Garnet: Same here.

Mr. Smiley: Tiger Millionaire has claimed the Tag Team Belts! Tiger and Puma have won the championship! And saved wrestling!

Sadie: Lars, I'm really confused. (claps slowly)

Lars: I love you, Tiger Millionaire. (sheds tear)

(later, In Amethyst's room)

Amethyst: Hey, sorry for getting you involved in this.

Me: I didn't remember getting involved.

Amethyst: *sighs* You were right Marbs, I should've let Steven into this gig. I was being stubborn and..

Me: Hey, don't beat yourself up. You're still a champion to me.

Amethyst: Thanks. *we both lay down on the ground* So now what?

Me: Wanna watch tv?

Amethyst: As long as it isn't wrestling.

[End]


	9. Year 1 - Steven's Lion

**Year 1: Steven's Lion**

(In the desert)

Steven: (A sandstone column collapses and forms a pile of sand. The Gems and I begin to climb over the pile.) W-Water. Water. So thirsty. For water. *climbs on his hands and knees*

Pearl: It'll be safer if you stand up and walk.

Steven: You don't... understand. *crawls* This... Is how... You're supposed to act... in the desert.

Me: I like him, he's silly.

Steven: *Sweaty Steven stands up and groans* Is this the thing? The place?

Garnet: Yes, Steven. The power in the structures have turned aimless.

Pearl: It's building columns with no roofs, stairs that go nowhere! This is out of control!

Amethyst: Then I guess we better... *jumps over Steven and down the hill*... roll on over there. Heh.

Pearl: That was a bit unnecessary.

Amethyst: *mocking Pearl* Nan nani ni nun-nani nan. *I giggle*

Pearl: Excuse me?

Me: Oh, Amethyst. *roaring sound comes out of nowhere*

Steven: What was that?

Me: Excuse me. I skipped breakfast.

Garnet: I don't think that was you.

Amethyst: Let's go!

Garnet: It'll be best if you stay here, Steven

Pearl: We'll be quick.

Steven: What if something eats me?!

Me: Relax kid. This is a barren wasteland, there's nothing that can possibly harm you in any gruesome fashion. But just in case, give us a holler.

Steven: Okay.

And so we went deeper into the desert to investigate, we soon found the Desert Glass which is known to rebuild the enviroment you see before you if it touches the sand. But we had bigger things to worry about, for it seems that Steven has made a new friend...

Pearl: *alarmed, Gems summon weapons* Steven! What is that? What are you doing?!

Steven: Uh, Stop! It's okay, look, he's totally tame.

Pearl: *weapon still drawn* That's impossible.

Steven: He's right! I-I taught him to say "I love you." *moves Lion's lips* "I love you."

Amethyst: That's so sweet! I-I love you too. (Pearl puts away her weapon)

Me: Kissup.

Pearl: Get your hands out of that thing's mouth, Steven. We have to get the Desert Glass out of the desert. *glares at Amethyst*

Amethyst: I got it.

Garnet: Let's go, Steven.

Steven: Okay, give me a sec. Hey Lion, I gotta go. I had a lot of fun, I feel like you really get me. *Lion stares blankly* Shh, this is already too hard for the both of us. *joins up with others*

Pearl: Amethyst, that pillow needs to be contained.

Amethyst: Yeah, yeah, I know what to do with it.

(back at the Beach House)

(Steven, Amethyst and I nap under a pillow fort topped by the Desert Glass)

Me: This is what you had planned? (Amethyst snorts) Hmm... makes sense. (a scratching sound is heard at the door) Steven, either ticks are burrowing in my skull, or I hear something scratching on the door.

Steven: Yeah, I hear it too.

Amethyst: *half asleep, puts her hand over his mouth* All I hear is your mouths.

Steven: I thought Gems don't need sleep.

Amethyst: We don't... feels good though.

Me: Sure does...*the scratching sound is heard again*

Steven: *grumbles* Razzle, razzlerrr. Probably some kid trying to sell me lava insurance. Hold your britches! *opens door, Lion appears, gasps* Lion, oh my gosh! This is such a surprise! You came all this way to see little old me? (Lion attempts to get through the door.) Woah, you're fresh. You can't go in there, Amethyst is pretend sleeping. But whatevs, we're together again. Now we can do everything best friends do. Right, Marble?

Me: Ah no! Your Lion, your problem. (gets back in the house)

Steven: Oh, well, your loss.

So Steven and his Lion spent the whole day together. And they've really grew close to each other, well at least Steven grew close to lion. He tries to show it to everybody, but the lion keeps disappearing making everyone think it was just Steven's imagination.

(Steven walks to his house, disappointed, but sees Lion scratching at the door of the house)

Steven: Huh? *gasps* Hey, hey Lion! You left me at the pizza place, I looked like a fool! I had to eat a whole pizza by myself!

(Lion breaks through the door and jumps inside)

Steven: Lion, Lion no! Lion? (Lion emits a magic roar at the fort, knocking us back)

Me: I'm up! I'm up!

Amethyst: *yawns* Keep it down Steven. *falls back asleep*

Me: Steven! Control your lion!

Steven: I'm trying! But I- *runs and picks up Desert Glass* Is this what you wanted? This pillow? I've been trying to play with you, and feed you, 'cause I thought we were best friends. Did all of that mean nothing to you? *Lion jumps up near Steven, who runs out of the house* Fine, I don't care! If you want it, you can have it!

Me: No! I wouldn't do that! *Steven throws pillow on the beach* Oh darn...

(The beach begins to shake and the Desert Glass begins to erect several sand structures all around, Garnet and Pearl appear)

Pearl: Steven! The Desert Glass, it's rebuilding its castle. *Amethyst and I appear* Why didn't you bubble it earlier, Amethyst?!

Amethyst: Welcome to shrug city P. *shrugs*

Pearl: *To Steven* Don't move, we're coming!

Steven: Okay! *Sandstorm surrounds him*

Me: I'll get him! (I run to save Steven, but wall forms, and I ran into it) Nevermind...

Garnet: *punches wall unsuccessfully* This wall's not moving!

Pearl: We gotta get through before things get any- (Amethyst is launched in the air via an erected column)

It seemed hopeless, Steven and Lion were trapped in that giant sandstorm. And we couldn't get em out, just then Steven popped out of the storm riding on Lion with the desert glass in his hand. The sculptures immedeately dissipated as they landed.

(Lion lands roughly and Steven is flung forward with the glass; we emerge from the sand and Steven chuckles nervously)

Pearl: *about to bubble Desert Glass* We should've done this in the first place.

Amethyst: In my defense, I forgot.

Steven: *to Lion* So I guess, this is goodbye. We had some good times, but I'm sure you have other magical stuff, to smash with other magical boys. *moving Lion's lips* "I love you Steven. I want to stay with you forever!" *gasp* Really? Guys, you hear that?

Me: All I heard was your voice while you were moving Lion's lips.

Pearl: Are we really going to let him keep that?

Garnet: We kept Amethyst and Marble.

Pearl: Oh! *laughs hysterically* "Kept Amethyst and Marble"! Oh Garnet, that's priceless!

Me: *I scowl at Pearl* So funny I forgot to laugh...

Steven: Yay, Lion! *makes Lion wink* Wink!

So now Lion's part of the team and well, it's still a mystery how he works. But one thing's for sure, things will never be the same.


	10. Year 1 - Giant Woman

**Year 1: Giant Woman**

When it comes to getting along and working with others, Amethyst and Pearl are not a very good pair. With the two of them being complete opposites, there always fighting. But they were gonna have to shape up for today's mission.

Outside the temple, I was watching a checkers game between Pearl and Amethyst. Steven was sitting on a life guard chair packing water balloons.

Amethyst: *concentrates on her next move, then grabs one of Pearl's pieces* Ha, take that!

Pearl: Wow, Amethyst, I'm impressed. *gets hit by a water balloon thrown by Steven*

Steven: Now it's your move, Pearl.

Pearl: Steven, are the water balloons really necessary?

Steven: Yeah, this way the moves really matter.

Pearl: But it's checkers! Every single move matters.

Amethyst: *twirls her wet hair around a finger* It sounds like someone's being a sore loser.

Pearl: *holding anger* I'm not a sore loser, *defeats Amethyst in one move* because I just won the game.

Amethyst: Wha—?

Me: Ohhh! And a stunning victory for Pearl! This ain't looking to good for Amethyst, folks! That loss may haunt her for the rest of her career!

Amethyst: Here it comes... *holds arms out, Steven pelts her with all water balloons* Ah, feels good to lose.

Me: You sure are taking loosing well. *I hand her a towel*

Pearl: Ahem! I certainly hope that's not the same attitude you have during battle.

Amethyst: Ugh, you're no fun anymore. This is why we never form Opal.

Pearl: We don't form Opal because you're difficult and a mess.

Amethyst: We don't form Opal because you're uptight and—

Steven: *jumps in between them* Guys! Guys! What is Opal?

Amethyst: Oh it's the two of us, mashed together.

Pearl: *scoffs* Is water just hydrogen and oxygen "mashed" together? *The three of us just looked at Pearl clueless* Look here, Steven. *manipulates the sand to demonstrate* When we synchronize our forms, we can combine into a powerful fusion gem named Opal.

Amethyst: *stomps sand* Except I don't dance like that.

Pearl: Amethyst?!

Steven: Wow, that's so cool! But tell me more about Opal!

Amethyst: Well, Steven, she's an ultra powerful, stone cold Betty...

Me: Like me.

Amethyst: And she's like, kinda tall...

Me: Also me.

Steven: So basically, like you?

Me: Yes, but as a fusion.

Steven: But aren't you a fusion?

Me: No! I was just born with these curves. (Pearl gives me a blank expression on her face and continued)

Pearl: What Amethyst is attempting to say is, Opal is an amalgam of our combined magical and physical attributes fused into a single entity.

Steven: Wow, can you do it right now? Come on, form Opal! (Amethyst scoffs)

Pearl: We only form Opal when it's absolutely necessary. *light emits from the house*

Steven: Garnet's back! (We enter the house to greet Garnet) Ooh! Ooh! Did you bring me anything? *Garnet presents a rock* Whoa, a rock! Thanks, Garnet.

Me: A rock?

Pearl: So, was your mission a success?

Garnet: I have located the Geode beetles of Heaven and Earth. We should split up to retrieve them.

Amethyst: Well I'm going with not Pearl. (Steven is biting his rock)

Pearl: Well that's perfect because I don't want to go with grammatically incorrect people anyway.

Steven: Is her talking about me?

Garnet: You three go together, I go alone.

Pearl & Amethyst: What? Why?

Garnet: The Earth Beetle's at the bottom of the boiling lava lake, and only I can swim in lava. *summons goggles* You'll find the Heaven Beetle at the top of the Sky Spire. It's safer.

Amethyst: You mean boring-er.

Pearl: You mean more boring.

Amethyst: So you agree with me.

Pearl: *looks at Amethyst annoyed* Ugh! Come on, you two, lets go.

Garnet: Are you gonna join them?

Me: Well, someone's gotta keep the peace of this here argument. *I join them on the warp pad*

Garnet: (to Steven) Steven, be sure to keep the harmony.

Steven: No problem. *gets on Warp Pad* Today's going to be all about HAR-MON— *warps*

[At the sky spire]

Steven: —NY...! *falls* Oomph! Woah... is this where the Heaven Beetle lives?

Pearl: Apparently.

Amethyst: All the way at the top.

Me: Well, let's get started.

Steven: So, when you fuse, do you turn into a giant giant woman, or just a regular-sized giant woman? *Amethyst groans* Does one of you control the right arm and the other control the left arm?

Me: It's more complicated than that son.

Pearl: Come on, Steven. (Pearl and Amethyst walk away.)

Steven: Wait, these are extremely important questions. *catches up, and we arrive at the base of long stairway) Phew, there sure are a lot of stairs, how about you form Opal and give me a piggy back ride?

Pearl & Amethyst: No.

Steven: What about if you eat a hotdog? Whose stomach does it go into? Or do you share the same stomach? *laughs* That would be gross.

Me: Well, Amethyst would have the stomach. But since Pearl's not a fan of eating...

(A rustling in a bush causes us to summon their weapons, a goat jumps out eating a thicket.)

Steven: *gasp* Look out! It's a magical goat guardian! Quick, you have to form Opal! It's the only way to defeat it! *pretends to cower* Hurry before it kills us all! *peeks up at them*

Pearl: *walks up to goat* Ugh, Steven, we only fuse for deadly situations, does this look like a deadly situation? *points at goat, goat bites her hand* Ow! Hey, bad mountain goat! *goat bleats, and Amethyst laughs so hard she falls over*

Steven: Darn it. Aw, I'm never going to get to see Opal.

Me: Look Steven, there's more to fusion then you think. You gotta choose a dance style and above all have a close bond with your partner, other wise it won't work. And by the looks of it, we won't see Opal anytime soon. (Steven sighs)

But the kid was determined to see Pearl and Amethyst fuse. So much he made a song about it, in which he sang during our trek.

Steven:

 ** _All I wanna do is see you turn into a giant woman, a giant woman,_**

 ** _all I wanna be is someone who gets to see a giant woman._**

 ** _All I wanna do is help you turn into a giant woman, a giant woman,_**

 ** _all I wanna be is someone who gets to see a giant woman._**

 ** _Oh, I know it'll be great,_**

 ** _and I just can't wait_**

 ** _to see the person you are together._**

 ** _If you give it a chance,_**

 ** _you could do a huge dance_**

 ** _because you are a giant woman._**

 ** _You might even like being together,_**

 ** _and if you don't, it won't be forever,_**

 ** _but if it were me, I'd really wanna be a giant woman, a giant woman._**

 ** _All I wanna do is see you turn into a giant woman._**

(We eventually reach a broken pass leading to the Heaven Beetle's temple with several broken pieces of floating land connecting them, the goat jumps the pieces to the temple)

Steven: Wait up Steven Jr.! *tries to jump*

Pearl: *stops him* Wait, Steven! I'm not sure you can make those jumps.

Steven: Oh, you should fuse into Opal, and then lay across the rocks like a bridge!

Pearl: We don't need Opal to get across.

Steven: *begs* Can you do it anyway? Ple-e-ease? It would be easier, wouldn't it?

Amethyst: Not as easy as this! *picks Steven up, throws him on a floating platform and then jumps to him*

Steven: Oh wow, Amethyst, that was a really good idea.

Amethyst: Hah, I know, I'm full of 'em. *Pearl reacts worriedly*

Me: Say, I wonder if Pearls can fly?

Pearl: Don't even think abo-*I pick her up* OH! (I threw Pearl over to Steven and Amethyst like a javelin, she uses her spear to land safely, I jump over to them) Don't you ever do that again!

Amethyst: *whispers* Please do.

(We eventually managed to make it to the top of the spire)

Steven: *panting* I can't feel my legs anymore. *looks up* Hey, look at that! *runs over to smaller temple* It's a tiny temple!

Pearl: It's just where Garnet said it would be. The Heaven Beetle should be inside.

Steven: *peers inside and laughs* Check it out, it's even got a little beetle bedroom, and little beetle bongos, and a little beetle baby book.

Me: (I peer inside it) All that, and no beetle in sight.

Pearl: *peers inside* But where's the beetle? It's supposed to be here. The heaven beetle wouldn't leave, would it? Oh, it could be anywhere!

Amethyst: *chuckles* Maybe you should freak out some more, Pearl; that's really gonna help us find it.

Pearl: *angered* I can't believe your attitude, Amethyst. And now you're just slouching over here doing nothing.

Me: Hey, she's got us this far didn't she?

Amethyst: Yeah, it's not my fault the beetle isn't there. Why do you have to make things worse by squawking at me?! *Steven Jr. begins to bleat*

Pearl: I don't squawk!

Amethyst: Yeah, you're squawking at me and commenting on my posture!

Pearl: THIS is squawking! SQUAWK, SQUAWK!

Steven: *runs over* Hey, cut it out! You're scaring Steven Jr.! (Just then a giant bird creature emerges from under the small lake the tiny temple resided upon and eats Steven Jr. whole; Steven gasps* My son...

Me: Great! Don't know this can get any worse. (The giant bird grabs me with its talons) Oh, that's how! (Pearl summons her spear and throws it at the monster, which it swallows, forcing the gems to retreat into a small room in the spire)

Amethyst: In here guys!

Pearl: It swallowed my spear!

Steven: Guys this is great! Now's the perfect time for you two to form Opal!

Me: Let me go 'ya feathery freak! (I kicked the bird monster which causes it to let go of and I landed right in Pearl's arms) Did you miss me? (She lets go of me, and I fall)

So with that, they begin their fusion sequence. But as I mention before, these two are complete opposites. Pearl danced gracefully like a ballerina, while Amethyst would dance like if she was at a rave. By there the dance has failed.

Amethyst: So you wanna try that again? With less hitting me in the face this time?

Pearl: Well, it would have worked if your movements weren't so erratic and formless.

Amethyst: So it's all my fault? Ho ho, you totally weren't even trying to sync with my dancing. You should know how I dance by now!

Me: Well, I thought Amethyst's dancing was very expressive.

Amethyst: SEE?! *Pearl pushes Amethyst*

Steven: (stops both of them) Stop! Come on, guys, please stop fighting. If you can't get along with each other, I might never get to see your awesome fusion powers. (bird squawks) And I might get eaten by a giant bird! (Just then, the giant bird breaks through the roof and swallows Steven whole, then I get snatched up again)

Pearl, Amethyst, & Me: Steven!

Steven found himself in the belly of the beast. He found the heaven beetle, but he couldn't find a way out. But he was soon freed from the monster thanks to... you guessed it. Pearl and Amethyst's fusion!

(Opal grabs Steven and Steven Jr. from the bird as I cower in her other two arms, destroying the bird's main form. Opal lands on the water while holding Steven, Steven Jr., whom she puts down, and me) Opal?

Opal: Stay low. (puts me down next to Steven) And watch over him. (Opal summons both a whip and spear and combines them into a large bow, drawing back an energy arrow which hits the flock and destroys all of them, bubbling them. Opal turns back to us and offers her hand.)

Steven: *nervous* Uh... do you... know who we are?

Me: Well, who do you think it is?

Opal: *chuckles, turns me to her, sings* All you wanna do, is see me turn into—

Steven: *gasps* A giant woman!

Me: Steven, say hello to Opal.

(Opal, Steven, and I return on the warp pad, Garnet has already returned and is drying her hair)

Me: I see you had a busy day.

Garnet: The Heaven Beetle.

Opal: *gasp* I don't have it. *Opal transforms back into Amethyst and Pearl*

Pearl: Amethyst, you got distracted!

Amethyst: Hey, you were the one getting carried away with all those fancy backflips!

Me: And, we're back...

Steven: Wait a sec! *takes out Heaven Beetle* I've got the beetle!

Garnet: Good job, Steven. *takes beetle, places it in a cage with the Earth Beetle, and bubbles it* I also see you helped your teammates fuse. *Amethyst and Pearl stare in surprise at each other*

Steven: And all I had to do was get eaten by a bird.

Me: I was snatched up by that same bird.

Garnet: Nice work. You'll be great at fusing one day.

Steven: Yeah... Wait! I can do that too?!

Me: You sure can. But that's a incredibly different story for an incredibly different time. *winks*


	11. Year 1 - So Many Birthdays

**Year 1: So Many Birthdays**

We were in Amethyst's room walking through many piles of messes.

Pearl: *to Amethyst* How can you live like this?

Amethyst: It was fine 'til you guys started whining.

Pearl: Whining?! The whole temple reeks!

Steven: I found it!

Pearl: *holds nose* What matter of magical alloy is this? *Steven unwraps tinfoil, gas plumes out*

Garnet: It's a burrito.

Amethyst: *takes burrito* It's the Tuna Burrito from Aqua-Mexican!

Steven: That place closed like five years ago! (Amethyst takes a bite, Steven flinches in disgust, Pearl looks on in horror)

Me: Hey guys! Look what I found! It's an old picture of us and Rose! (The picture was us gems and Rose in old timey clothes, in a boat, with Garnet at the front, punching a shark)

Steven: Is that really you guys with mom?

Pearl: It sure is Steven!

Steven: Really?

Garnet: The hard part was getting the shark to pose.

Steven: Why is everyone dressed like old timey people?

Pearl: They are old timey people.

Steven: *realizes* Wait, but that would mean... how OLD are you guys?

Me: Didn't your mother tell you that it's rude to ask about a gem's age? But we lived long before you were born.

Pearl: Much longer than any human.

Steven: Does that mean you'll live forever?!

Pearl: No, no. We don't age, but we can still get hurt and die. *Amethyst keels over with sickened look on her face from burrito and moans* ...but not from food poisoning.

Steven: I just can't believe you guys are like a bazillion years old! How do you find a cake big enough for all those candles?

Me: Cake?

Steven: Yeah, for your birthday.

Me: Birthday?

Garnet: We don't really celebrate birthdays.

Steven: *heavy gasp* Why not?!

Garnet: *shrugs* It's not our way.

Steven: Well I can't just ignore this travesty of unjustice.

Me: That's injustice, Steven.

Steven: It doesn't matter! Gems, I pledge that you will have your birthdays, with all the candy, cake and ice cream you've been denied.

Me: I think I'm beginning to like where this is going. *Amethyst vomits*

So the first thing we did was set up a birthday party for Amethyst. There was a picnic, balloons, not much guests, but there was huge where Amethyst sat with a royal cape.

Steven: *places "birthday crown" on Amethyst* And the birthday queen is, Amethyst! I hope you like it, Dad made me this outfit and it brings me special birthday luck every year.

Me: So, you might say it's your...*snickers* birthday suit? *Amethyst and I laugh*

Steven: *begins to sing* It might as well be your birthday, so why don't we have a party? Even if your age isn't real and your body's an illusion. *notices Lion playing with a birthday hat, stops singing* Hey!, I-it goes like this. *puts hat on Lion's head, Lion tries to take it off* Lion, you're killing me.

Me: When do we get to the cake?

Pearl: *holding a balloon* Um, Steven? I know you put a lot of effort into... putting faces on things. But could it be that we're just a tad mature for this ritual?

Amethyst: *Amethyst pokes Pearl's nose* Boop.

Pearl: GAH! *I burst out laughing as she chases Amethyst* You will remove that this instant!

Steven: Wait! Here. *offers Amethyst a bat with a ribbon on it*

Amethyst: Awww, *takes bat* I'll use it all the time! *motions to hit Pearl with bat*

Steven: NO! It's for the piñata. *holds piñata for Amethyst to hit* The Piñata is an artifact from ancient Aqua-Mexico. *Amethyst swings with blind fold wildly, almost hitting him* Aah, aah, aaah! *gives the Piñata to me*

Me: I got it Am! Give it your best shot girl! (Amethyst hits me in the head) Ow... (Amethyst hits me several times) Ow! No! A Little- DOH! Just-OH! (I fall down, Garnet holds the pinata)

Amethyst: *swings blindly and hitting Garnet each time* Am I *swing* getting *swing* close? *hits Garnet's cheek*

Garnet: Higher. *Amethyst peeks, jumps and knocks it far into the Ocean*

Amethyst: *throws the bat aside* Ha, what next Steven?

Steven: Well, you were supposed to get delicious candy when you broke it open.

Amethyst: *gasp* Wait, you had candy and you didn't just GIVE it to us?

Steven: There will be more sweet treats at Pearl's party, I promise.

Me: P-P-P-Pearl... Remember when you said we could still get hurt or die. I wish we didn't...

Luckily, Pearl's party was less painful. This time Steven wanted to add a little entertainment.

(Steven brings them to a cliff overlooking Beach City, with a similar setup. Steven dressed in a clown costume and Pearl with the birthday outfit.)

Steven: Happy Birthday! Honk. *honks nose*

Amethyst: Steven! That is a brave look.

Steven: No, it's funny.

Pearl: How?

Steven: *tries to explain but stops* Oh geez, I'm breaking character. Wait wait wait. I wrote some jokes!-*takes out pages of his jokes* "Why did Pearl throw butter out the window?"...

Steven: ...To see a butter fly!

Pearl: *hurt* I never did that. Steven, are you telling LIES?

Me: No that's joke, Pearl.

Steven: Oh, I know! Pearl, do you like pie?

Pearl:*nods* I do like pie.

Steven: *gets pie out of basket* Well then you're in luck, I baked you a pie. *sarcastically* I sure hope nothing happens to it!~

Pearl: Yes, me too.

Steven: *intentionally trips* Who- whoops!

Pearl: *catches him* Woah, Steven, I've got you. Be careful, you almost fell right on that- *Steven shoves the pie in his face * Ah!

Steven: *covered in pie* See Pearl? It's funny! *laughs, Pearl hides nervously behind Garnet*

Garnet: *Pearl whispers to Garnet* Pearl says she's all partied out and she's ready to go home.

Me: The problem with Pearls nowadays is that they don't understand jo- *I slip on the pie tin and fell off the cliff* OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Amethyst: Now that's funny! (Amethyst laughed while Pearl worried for my well being)

Now it was my turn for my birthday, and considering all the bruises it's gotten me so far. I felt unsure where mine as heading.

(We were in my room with me wearing the crown and cape)

Steven: * plays music* What's a birthday party without games! Limbo! *Steven shimmied under a stick held by other sticks* How low can you go!

Amethyst: Let me try! *Amethyst shimmied even lower than Steven*

Steven: Way to go Amethyst! *claps*

Amethyst: Beat that, Marble.

Me: Is that a challenge? Set the bar lower my good man! *Steven did so*

Pearl: Um, I don't think that's gonna be good for her back.

Me: Relax P, we Marbles are naturally flexible. *I shimmied down as low as I can until there was a crick in my back and the music stopped* OH! My back! *I fell down*

Pearl: I tried to warn her...

Steven: Steven: This isn't going at all like it should. I've got to pull out the ultimate birthday.

Last but not least there was Garnet's party. In which Steven pulls off his "ultimate birthday". Which was miniature jeeps and kazoos in a race he simpily calls...

Steven: Kazoo Racers! *holding kazoo* You get in a car, you play a kazoo *blows kazoo*, what more could you want? *holds 3 more kazoos* Dad used to do this for me every year.

Pearl: *anxious, whispers to Garnet* I think this is why aging makes humans DIE!

Garnet: Steven, thank you for the birthday parties, but I don't think we'll need anymore.

Steven: Why not?

Garnet: Our age is only an illusion and Pearl's pretty sure this ritual is more for human children. *takes crown off*

Pearl: *remorsefully* Nothing against children.

Steven: Children? Everyone gets to have birthdays; seriously, give it a try. You're never too old.

Garnet: We're just too big.

Steven: You're not too big. Y-you just get in. *attempts to get in small car* And then, uh...

Amethyst: *shapeshifted into a baby, in small war jeep* I can fit! Which way to the baby war? *driving* EAT TREAD, DIRT BAGS! *Amethyst ran over my foot*

Me: OW! That tears it! So far i've threw my back, got beaten with a bat, and slid down a cliff. I'm starting to see why gems don't have birthdays! Sorry kid, I'm with them on this one!

Steven: What if birthdays are just for little kids? What if even I'm too old?

Amethyst: *drives next to him* No way! You TOTALLY fit! *picks him up and attempts to shove him in* Oh, my bad, you are too old. *drives off and laughs*

Pearl: Are you okay?

Steven: I just need to think. *gets up but car is stuck to his behind* Kazoo Racers suddenly seems undignified. *walks off*

We'd all felt pretty bad for Steven, the kid wanted us to experience how fun birthdays are. But he's got some growing up go do, and he did. Problem is he grew up too fast...

Pearl: *cleaning up decorations* You know, Steven was right, this is fun.

Amethyst: You don't have to keep wearing that stuff.

Garnet: *still wearing B-day outfit* It makes me feel... important.

Just then Lion came in with an aging Steven, he had a grey beard but no hair on his head, wrinkly skin, and was holding his last breath.

Pearl: Steven! *shocked* What's wrong with him?

Amethyst: He's okay; he's just really, really, really, really old.

Me: But how is that possible?

Pearl: *tearing up* Gems can't die from aging, but he's half human.

Amethyst: Can't we fix him?

Steven: *struggling* My birthday suit, might help. *Garnet takes off the birthday suit and Steven wears it*

Amethyst: Good as new. *exhales* Right...?

Steven: Thanks guys, but I guess this suit's all out of birthday magic. We had a good run, huh? *ages again*

Me: Liver spots... he's getting worse.

Garnet: More birthdays! NOW. *grabs the three of us*

Amethyst: Check it out B-Day Boy. (Amethyst transformed into a small car, and Garnet is riding her) I'm a tiny car!

Garnet: Beep beep. (Amethyst transforms back)

Steven: *struggling* Kids, stuff... *gem ages him further*

Amethyst: *transforms into a piñata* Ooh, piñata time!

Me: Good idea! (I hold a bat, ready to swing) *Steven's gem ages him even further* Bad idea!

Garnet: It's not working. Marble!

Me: Got it! (I bring out a limbo pole) Everybody limbo! (I shimmied under, and my back cracked again) Here we go... *I fall down*

Amethyst: Pearl! Get over here.

Pearl: I can't!

Amethyst: For STEVEN! *picks up Pearl in clown costume with a pie and in front of Steven*

Pearl: *tearing up* Oh, look, I have what, um, what appears to be a delicious pie. I sincerely hope nothing happens to- *cries* Oh Steven! *shoves pie in face, sobs in pie*

Amethyst: Are you trying to kill him faster?! (Pearl starts crying, then runs to Amethyst and hugs her, but accidentally strangles her because of her sadness) Pearl! *tries to break free*

Amethyst, Pearl, and Me: Garnet?! *we rush over to stop her*

Pearl: Wait a minute what are you doing?!

Amethyst: Garnet stop!

Garnet: *puts him down* I thought... violence... would be the answer.

Me: You thought violence would bring Steven back!?

Garnet: I panicked.

Pearl: You panicked?! (the three of us inaudibly and angrily yell at Garnet as Steven voices out his opinion, not noticing himself turning young)

Steven: *weak* Would you guys, just please *gem activates, turning him back into an adult* Control yourselves?! *gems stop and pay attention* Ugh, oh no. *transforms into a teen* Oh, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled. *blushes* But I can't stand to see you *ages into adult again* freaking out like this!

Me: What is happening?

Garnet: Steven, you're changing!

Pearl: Your age is fluctuating... I think your gem is reacting to your state of mind.

Amethyst: Steven! Stop-feeling-old!

Steven: *transforms into teen* But I wasted your time...*transforms into old man* We all had such little ti-ime...*depressed*

All Gems: STEVEN!

Pearl: You have to feel like yourself! Sweet and considerate and only occasionally obnoxious!

Steven: *transforms into teen* You really think I'm all those things?

Garnet: Yes!

Amethyst: Why else would you throw us all those parties?

Me: Beacuse you want us to have a special day.

Steven: Oh my gosh, you're right... *transforms back, to his old self* I am pretty great.

Pearl: Oh Steven! *Pearl and Amethyst rush to hug him* Steven!

Me: Well sorta back to normal...

Garnet: We'll work on the rest, later. *Steven pulls up his shirt to reveal he still has full grown legs; he laughs and bounces his legs up and down*


	12. Year 1 - Beach Party

**Year 1: Beach Party**

For you humans, a beach can be very relaxing spot. But for us gems...

(The Crystal Gems gets blown away by a giant pufferfish, making Amethyst and Steven fall on the sand, while Garnet, Pearl and I on our feet.)

Well, If you watch this show often enough you'd get the gist.

Amethyst: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Steven: Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa! (lands on the sand on a boogie board)

Pearl: Are you okay, Steven?

Steven: *on a boogie board* I've seen better days.

Amethyst: *innocently* Pearl, I got a boo-boo.

Pearl: Oh, walk it off!

Garnet: Here it comes! *Watermelon Tourmaline, resembling a pufferfish, rises out of the ocean and blows a strong wind* You all distract it! (Garnet jumps into the air)

Pearl: *to Steven, Amethyst, and me* Let's show this thing what we're made of, guys!

Amethyst: What do you think we've been doing for the past hour? *Pearl throws her spear at the pufferfish but the pufferfish blows it back to them*

Pearl: Duck! *Pearl ducks as it flies towards Amethyst*

Amethyst: *looks around* Man, I don't see any duc— *she sees the spear and ducks, a bit of her hair sliced off* Quack!

Me: (I catch the spear in my hands and threw it back at Pearl) Think fast!

Steven: Steven's turn! *he throws the boogie board and it gets stuck to the one of the pufferfish's spikes* Yep, it's got spikes.

Amethyst: It's okay, *puts her arm on his shoulder* Here comes Garnet! *Garnet drops down over the pufferfish*

Steven: Smash that puff! (Garnet tries to smash it, but the pufferfish's blowing power stops her. She then goes flying through the sky and crashes on a building on the boardwalk.) Aw, man! We blew it!

Me: Pun intended.

Amethyst: Ugh, whatever! *She runs up to the pufferfish, shapeshifts into a baseball bat, I hold it and I swing at the pufferfish far into the ocean*

Me: Home run!

Pearl: Amethyst! Smacking it really far away doesn't solve anything! We needed to destroy it. Now it's just gonna come back later.

Me: *scoffs* We took care of it, didn't we?

Amethyst: Yeah, so we'll deal with it later.

Pearl: Ugh!

Steven: Let's get Garnet. She landed by the boardwalk. (The rest of the Gems walk to the boardwalk)

[At Fish Stew Pizza]

Kofi: (Garnet is calmly laying on the wrecked sign of Fish Stew Pizza while Kiki and Kofi Pizza look up at her.) Would you answer me?! You've wrecked my sign, and now you're just sitting up there! Are we engaged in a secret staring contest?! *the other gems arrive*

Steven: Garnet! Are you okay? *Garnet hops down*

Garnet: I'm fine.

Kiki: Hi, Steven.

Amethyst: *laughing* This place is wrecked! Gimme one down low! *puts her hand up for high-five, but Pearl shoves her hand down*

Pearl: No accolades for you, Amethyst! *to Garnet* She and Marble knocked the pufferfish back out into the ocean!

Amethyst: Narc!

Garnet: Don't bring me into this.

Pearl: You're the one who took her side, you little-

Garnet: Hey! Don't make me split you three apart!

Amethyst: Well, she started it. Narc.

Garnet: Let's regroup at the temple. *We jump into the sky*

As we left, Steven was trying to patch things up with the Pizza family for Garnet smashing their resturant sign. But he only managed to get him and us banned from his resturant.

[In Steven's Kitchen]

(The gems are all gathered around the kitchen counter)

Amethyst: Why don't we just, like, let it roam free?

Garnet: That's not an option. *Steven walks up to them*

Amethyst: Hey, Steven!

Steven: I've got bad news, everyone. You've all been banned from Fish Stew Pizza.

Me: And that's bad news how?

Amethyst: That pizza wasn't even good.

Steven: Aren't you guys upset about this?

Garnet: Not at all.

Steven: But these are our neighbors!

Garnet: There's nothing we can do about that now.

Pearl: Now we have to figure out a way to take care of that pufferfish.

Steven: What's the point of saving people if they're just gonna ban you from their pizza shops?

Me: There's more to this job than privileges you know.

Garnet: We don't do it for thanks.

Steven: Yeah, see! That's so nice of you, the Pizzas don't even know! If they got to spend some time with you they'd see how fun,*Amethyst is shown* and smart, *Pearl is shown* and funny, *I am shown* and mysterious you are! *Garnet is shown*

Garnet: Heh, mysterious.

Steven: Hmm... *gasp* I know! I'll throw a little party on the beach in front of the temple! Just us and the Pizzas.

Amethyst: I don't know, Steven. I mean...

Steven: Don't worry! I'll take care of everything!

[Outside Crystal Temple]

Steven: (Steven is cooking hot dogs, hamburgers and chicken patties on a barbecue grill.) Man, this is gonna be so good. *sniffs food and giggles*

Amethyst: Hey, Steven.

Steven: Hey!

Me: How's it coming?

Pearl: Got everything ready for your little party?

Steven: Yeah, and there's one more thing. *hands them a magazine reading "Foine Summer Special" and Garnet grabs it*

Steven: I was thinking you guys could change your outfits.

Pearl: What's wrong with what we have on now?

Steven: Nothing. I just thought it would be nice to go kinda casual.

Me: Is "Foine" even a word?

Nanefua: Is this the right address? *Pizza family walks onto the beach*

Jenny: I've never seen this side of the beach before.

Steven: Oh man, they're here! Hurry up and change. *walks to the Pizza family* Over here everyone! Hi!

Jenny & Kiki: Hey, Steven!

Nanefua: Hello.

Steven: How are you all doing today?

Kofi: The shop is closed today, because it's broken. *Other Pizzas look around nervously. Kiki cringes*

Steven: *sweating* Oh, uh, that sounds, uh...

Nanefua: Hey! Do I smell hot dogs? Show me where the hot dogs are.

Garnet: We are the Crystal Gems! Garnet! *changes into a two-piece swimsuit with a dark red top, with a pink outline and a slanted black skirt with a red stripe that stops slightly above her knees*

Amethyst: Amethyst! *changes into a sleeveless, dark violet tank top, denim shorts, and a pale green fanny pack. Her hair is tied as a ponytail*

Pearl: Pearl! *changes into a flowing, sky-blue sundress extending to her knees with a white shawl around her shoulders*

Me: Marble! *I change into a simple black bikini*

Steven: And Steven! But you already knew my name...

Nanefua: Oh, you're all so talented.

Kofi: So, you are a circus act.

Pearl: Circus act?

Steven: *nervously* Hey, let's eat!

(Amethyst lifts burger off table and loudly takes a large bite.)

Kiki: Everything came out great!

Steven: Thanks, Kiki.

Nanefua: Aren't you girls hungry? You've barely touched your food.

Garnet: We don't need to eat.

Me: That makes two of us. *I grab a hot dog and eat it* That's Garnet and Pearl in case you folks are wondering.

Kofi: So, you all live in that tiny house up on that hill?

Garnet: *waves sparkling hand* We inhabit the inner sanctums, only accessible by magical, multidimensional doors.

Me: Well, that's one way of explaining it.

Jenny: And why does this place look like it's falling apart?

Pearl: Well, the temple has been here for thousands of years—

Kofi: Oh! I see how it is, when something breaks around here, you just leave it alone. JUST LIKE THE SIGN AT MY SHOP!

Steven: Um... who wants to play volleyball?

Steven: (draws a line in the sand for the volleyball court) Okay, everyone, the court is all set. Now to get into our teams.

Pearl: But, Steven, won't our abilities give us an unfair advantage?

Steven: That's why I'm picking the teams. Amethyst and Jenny! Pearl and Kiki! Garnet and Kofi! And last, but not least, yours truly and Nanefua!

Nanefua: I haven't played in ages but I bet I could whoop all your butts.

Steven: That's the spirit.

Kofi: What about the big purple thing over there? (Points to me working on my tan)

Me: I'll be the referee.

Steven: You guys ready? Let's play!

Amethyst: Oh-ho! Hope you're ready to lose, Pearl.

Pearl: There is no way I'd lose to someone like you!

Amethyst: Here we come! *Amethyst hits the ball*

Kiki: Uh...hah! *Kiki hits the ball up*

Pearl: Nice one, Kiki!

Kiki: Aaand.. pow! (Amethyst and Jenny miss the ball)

Steven: Amethyst! No kicking!

Amethyst: What kind of game is this?

Pearl: Nicely done, Kiki! *Pearl and Kiki high five, Kiki laughs*

Steven: Try and stick to the rules, Amethyst!

Nanefua: Try harder, Jenny!

Kiki: Here it comes! *Hits the ball* *Jenny pulls on the net, making it wobble* Come on, Jenny! Ref!

Jenny: What? I'm not doing anything.

Amethyst: My move! *Amethyst shapeshifts into a tennis racket*

Jenny: Aw, yes!

Pearl: That was uncalled for, Amethyst! Marble, aren't you going to say anything? *Pearl sees me sleeping* Guess not...

Jenny: You afraid of getting a little sand in your hair, Kiki?

Kiki: No, just trying to keep tidy.

Pearl: There's nothing wrong with trying to keep tidy.

Nanefua: So exciting!

Steven: Yeah!

Kofi: Our turn.

Garnet: I'm ready.

Jenny: I got this one.

Kofi: Jennifer! You touch that ball, you're grounded!

Jenny: Whoa! Daddy, you cheatin'!

Kofi: HA-HA-HA! The look on your face! Hahaha!

Garnet: This is going to be easy.

Nanefua: It'd be nice if they stuck to the basics.

Amethyst: Take this, Garnet! Yeeeee-ha! *Amethyst hits the ball high up in the air*

Garnet: Haaaghh! Ah! *Garnet hits the ball*

Jenny: (The ball is coming full speed at Amethyst and Jenny.) We should probably move, huh?

Amethyst: Yeah... we should. *Both Amethyst and Jenny move away, and when the ball hits the ground, the sand turns into glass*

Kofi: Hahaha! You're all running like wild chickens! Hahahaha!

Amethyst & Jenny: Woaaaaah!

Nanefua: Did you know that when sand is super heated it turns into glass?

Steven: I did not know that. *I snore*

Amethyst: (Amethyst takes the glass heated by the ball and throws it into the ocean, grunting) Let's play!

(Jenny slides in the sand, grunting. Amethyst kicks the ball)

Pearl: Amethyst! (Kiki hits the ball, grunting.) Aah... (Pearl summons five Holo-Pearls.) *with Holo-Pearls* Over here, Amethyst! Over here!

(Garnet and Amethyst each hit the ball.)

Kofi: Kofi time! *Kofi hits the ball*

Jenny: Jenny time!

Kofi: You can't use the car for a month! *Jenny screams*

Jenny: Daddy!

Amethyst: Why you cheating so much?

Garnet: You cheated first.

Amethyst: Says one half of the team who's one penalty away from being kicked out of the game.

Pearl: You should consider yourself lucky.

Kiki: yeah, you and Jenny barely got anything.

Garnet: They still cheated.

Jenny: That is not true. *Gems, Kiki, Kofi, and Jenny continue to argue in the background*

Nanefua: This is getting out of hand.

Steven: *sigh* I'll run and get the ball. *Suddenly a strong gust of wind blows* Hey, why is it getting so... WINDY!? Ah, no! It's back! Pufferfish monster's back!

Me: *wakes up* Hmm? (sees the monster) What the?!

Nanefua: What's all the—

Steven: Nanefua! Marble! Ruuuunnn!

(I grab Nanefua while the Gems, Kiki, Kofi, and Jenny still arguing)

Amethyst: We should win 'cause we're the best.

Kiki: Y'all cheated!

Garnet: You are lying.

Pearl: Cheaters!

Kofi: Everyone is grounded here!

Steven: Garrneeeet!

Garnet: Steven! Oh, no! Gems! Protect the Pizzas! *The gems grab the Pizzas and jump away to safety*

I jumped in and battled the giant pufferfish alongside the other gems. And It looked like we were finished, until Steven and Nanefua enter the scene.

Nanefua: Oh! Oh! Over here!

Steven: No! Over here! Come on! *Nanefua, Steven and I run in circles distracting the monster*

Pearl: Oh my gosh! Steven!

Kiki: What are they doing?

Steven: Everybody! Get ready!

Kofi: Mom, you are crazy!

Garnet: Not crazy... brave.

Jenny: Gunga! Careful with your back!

Steven: Amethyst! Turn yourself into a ball!

Amethyst: Okay! *shapeshifts into a ball*

Nanefua: Jenny! Roll Amethyst to the net and then hold on!

Jenny: Sure thing! (rolls Amethyst to the net)

Nanefua: Pearl! Head over to Jenny and Amethyst!

Pearl: Yes, ma'am! *jumps over to the net*

Nanefua: Hit Amethyst into the air as hard as you can!

Pearl: *Cracks knuckles* With pleasure. *Pearl hits Amethyst high into the air*

Nanefua: Kofi! Kiki! Get over to the net!

Steven: Garnet, spike the beach!

Garnet: I understand! *Garnet equips her gauntlets and grabs Amethyst*

Amethyst: Be gentle.

Garnet: I'll try! (Garnet hits Amethyst. Amethyst grunts as she gradually sets aflame. Amethyst lands on the sand, creating a huge spike of glass.)

Nanefua: Here comes the tricky part!

Steven: I'm ready!

Nanefua: Everyone take the net to the other side of the court!

Steven: Okay, everyone, pull the net into its face! (We all push the net onto the monster's face, which pushes it to the glass)

Nanefua: It's not enough!

Steven: Don't worry, here comes Garnet! (Garnet punches the monster into the spiky glass. A cloud of sand covers the screen)

Kofi: Thanks for your hospitality. *Nanefua lightly punches his stomach*

Nanefua: And?

Kofi: And, for saving my family, you are all officially un-banned from my shop.

Steven: Aw, thank you so much, Kofi!

Kofi: Don't push your luck, boy!

Steven: We really appreciate it, right, guys?

Garnet: Okay, yes, thanks.

Steven: Aaaand?

Pearl: What were we banned from again? (Steven laughs nervously)

[End]


	13. Year 1 - Coach Steven

**Year 1: Coach Steven**

What happened today may be too tough for you to handle. It's been tough for me too. It all started last night while we were on a misson at the communication hub.

Steven: (looks up) Whoa! What magical place of mysteries is this?

Amethyst: Well— (Pearl quickly interrupts.)

Pearl: Oh, I'm so glad you asked! This was once a communication hub for Gem-kind. But lately, it's begun transmitting bursts of electromagnetic interference!

Steven: Whazzat mean?

Garnet: It's hurting television. *puts hands on hips*

Steven: No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o! I'll save you, television! Hi-yah! *Steven tries to damage one of the pillars*

Me: That's not gonna work.

Amethyst: *lifts Steven* She's right, we need a Steven at least... (She shapeshifts into a stronger looking Steven with a deeper voice.) THIS strong for this job!

Steven: *gasps* It's all the me I could be!

Me: Step aside ladies, I'm cuttin' her down! (I use my axe to cut down one of the pillars, while Amethyst, who was still a muscular Steven punches them down. But neither did the job)

Pearl: Girls... (Amethyst shape shifts back to normal) we could be here all day taking out of these pillars individually.

Me: Maybe because Amethyst's plan isn't working, but me... *I make my axe bigger, causing me to fall*

Amethyst: Ugh, I hate it when you're right. You get this look on your face... *Amethyst looks at Pearl's face* Yeah, that's the one.

Pearl: What we need is a well thought out plan- (gem starts to project a hologram, but Garnet interrupts.)

Garnet: No. What we need is Sugilite.

Me: Cigarette? How can you think of smoking at time like this?

Garnet: Not cigarette. *Close-up to Garnet's lips* Sugilite. *My eyes widen in fear*

Me: *terrified* Ah! No! That won't be necessary!

Garnet: Yes it is. Amethyst, fuse with me.

Amethyst & Pearl: WHAAAT?! (Amethyst begins to scream in excitement and Pearl looks confused/angry.)

Me: Oh no...

Amethyst: Yeah! Let's mash it up! Bigger, badder, better! Ohohohohoho! (twirls around)

Steven: Hold your horses! Are... you guys going to become a Gem Fusion? (Amethyst replies excitedly with a scream; both Amethyst and Steven scream in excitement.)

Me: Please don't go through with this! Your fusion almost killed me!

Pearl: She has a point Garnet. You and Amethyst can be a little... eheh...unstable when your personalities combine.

Me: Exactly! Esecially, Amethyst's half! *To Amethyst* You're not you when you're Sugilite.

Amethyst: Why are you suddenly taking Pearl's side?

Me: Because I worry about you! That fusion is more destructive than the two of you combined. In fact it IS the two of you combined!

Pearl: She's right! We need to be careful! Fuse with me, instead.

Garnet: *holds Pearl's shoulder* We don't need to be careful. We just need to be huge.

Amethyst: Oh, yeah! Let's wreck this joint! (gets into position)

Garnet: Synchronize. (Garnet and Amethyst's fusion dance begins.)

Steven: *Pearl covers Steven's eyes* Wha? Whu- Pearl... Come on! I wanna see! (Garnet and Amethyst fusion dance continues, fusing together and forming Sugilite)

Sugilite: Hahahahaha! (laughs, and cracks knuckles) I forgot how GREAT it feels to be me!

Steven: That's Sugilite?

Sugilite: You got it, baby. Hey, Steven. Wanna see something cool?

Me: No!

Steven: Yes!

(Sugilite fuses Garnet's gauntlets and Amethyst's whip, forming her flail)

Sugililte: You like that, little man?

Steven: Are you gonna smash stuff with your wrecking-ball-thingy?

Sugilite: That's the plan! Where should I start?

Steven: Do that one! (Sugilite proceeds to smash the pillar. I stood behind Pearl, haunted by my past)

Pearl: Steven, I think we should go.

Steven: No way! This is awesome! (Sugilite smashes more pillars, causing debris to fall everywhere.)

Pearl: Watch it! (kicks a rock, breaking it into half; A small rock hits Steven in the face) Steven!

Me: Hey! Leave the kid a- (A slightly bigger rock smashes on my face and I fall unconcious)

Pearl: Marble! (To Sugilite) Ugh, you're just too much!

Sugilite: Maybe you're just too LITTLE!

While I was unconcious, I was flooded with my first encounter with Sugilite. It was fuzzy, but every last second was killing me. By the time I woke up, I was back at the temple on the couch.

Pearl: Oh good, you're awake.

Me: Did I miss anything?

Pearl: Not much, Steven wanted to be strong like Sugilite.

Me: *rubs head* Oh, please don't mention her to me...

Pearl: I know it was rough to go through that experience Marble. I was there too...

I flashed back to before Steven was born, we were at a festival that faithful night...

(The audience was getting restless)

Announcer: Folks, were sad to inform you that our gorilla light show performance is cancelled. Due to the band who had an unfortunate accident on the way to the show. *The audience jeered*

Me: Oh come on! I paid good money for these seats! (Amethyst gets an idea, she whispers to Garnet and she nodded and they went over back stage)

Pearl: Where are you two going? *the two left, ignoring Pearl*

Me: Ah, forget them. I'm going to get some more popcorn.

I walked over to the concession stand, then out came a burst of light. That's when I saw Sugilite on the stage.

Sugilite: You guys wanna see a real show? *the audience cheered*

The fusion picked up a few cars and started to juggle them.

Pearl: Amethyst! You put those cars down and unfuse immedeately!

Sugilite: Since when do I have to listen to you! (Throws a car at Pearl and dodges it. The car crashes in the audience and the people started to run away) Don't leave! Show's just begun! (She summons her flail and starts swinging it around. I ran up to her, hopefully to talk some sense into her)

Me: Amethyst stop! You are hurting these people!

Sugilite: Don't blame me beacuse they don't like my act.

Me: They don't like your act beacuse it's killing them!

Sugilite: Maybe, this will work better with a voulunteer from the audience.

Sugilite grabs me and places me on the string of her flail like a tightrope act. All the fusion could do was laugh. I was terrified of what happened to me that day..

Me: *I clench my fist* If it was up to me. I could teach Steven how to really be strong...

Pearl: I know exactly how you feel... *she walks up to the window*

Me: Oh great, just what I need. A song...

Why do you have to look up to her

Aside from in a literal sense?

Don't you know that a power that big

Comes with a bigger expense?

And can't you see that she's out of control

And overzealous?

I'm telling you for your own good,

And not because I'm-

I can show you how to be strong...

In the real way.

And I know that we can be strong

In the real way.

And I want to inspire you

I want to be your rock

And when I talk

It lights a fire in you

Steven: (turns up the volume on the stereo) Who's ready to get buff?! I don't want to see your gut- I want to see your guts! (Steven looks back at Pearl, who walks back into the house)

I can show you how to be strong...

In the real way

And I know that we can be strong

In the real way

[Steven and Pearl]

And I want to inspire you

I want to be your rock

And when I talk

It lights a fire in you

I want to inspire you

I want to be your rock

And when I talk

It lights a fire in you

(After the song, everyone is tired from working out.)

Sadie: Hey, Steven. Maybe um... you can work out a bit, too?

Steven: Huh? I have been.

Lars: We've been working out. you've just been singing some dumb song.

Greg: But you're doing a great job pumping us up!

Steven: Thanks! But I need to get strong too. I'm switching to four-wheel drive! *puts on four tires and runs around*

The very next day, Steven was heading down to the beach for another workout. I was sitting on the couch, recovering from the Sugilite episode.

Steven: *groans in pain* Be there in a sec! *Steven proceeds to go down the stairs* So sore from getting ripped...

Pearl: I don't understand. Amethyst and Garnet still aren't back yet. I tried to warp back and check on them, but the Warp Pad's down!

(The house starts to crumble and debris falls)

Greg and Lars: What?

Sadie: Are you seeing this too?! (The house starts to crumble and debris falls)

Pearl: (ducks) Wha!

Steven: Wha—

Me: She's back...

(Everyone runs away from Sugilite)

Sugilite: *roars* I'M...BORED!

Steven: It's Sugilite!

Pearl: Y-you're back!

Sugilite: YOU LEFT ME BEHIND! (points to Pearl)

Pearl: We just thought you didn't need any help. Now why don't you separate, and we can all sit down and relax?

Sugilite: No! *kicks Pearl*

Steven: Pearl!

Pearl: Listen to me! You've been fused for too long! You're losing yourselves!

Sugilite: I AM MYSELF! AND I'M SICK OF BEING SPLIT UP! So you better get use to me, baby. AND GET THIS JUNK OFF MY BEACH *Sugilite steps on the gym thus destroying it*

Steven: *struggles to Pearl* Why is she wrecking Dad's gym? Why is she attacking you?!

Pearl: *Pearl lifts Steven up and tosses him away into the sand* Steven, get out of here!

Steven: I...can't...move... (moans in pain)

(Pearl summons her spear.)

Sugilite: WHAT! YOU WANNA FIGHT?!

Pearl: You'll thank me LATER! (jumps toward Sugilite, but she hits Pearl away.)

Greg: Come on, kid! (to Steven)

Steven: Dad, no! Pearl! (Pearl knocks off Sugilite's visor and Steven and Greg gasp)

Sugilite: YOU THINK YOU'RE SOMETHING? YOU! *hits Pearl towards the sky* AIN'T! *smashes Pearl into the ground* NOTHING! *injures Pearl*

(Sugilite attempts to crush Pearl with her flail, but misses. This makes Steven and Greg fly away, landing on the ground hardly)

Steven: My muscles!

Pearl: Steven! *kneels and cries* I'm sorry... Steven, Garnet, Amethyst, Marble... *sniffs* I wasn't strong enough, to protect you. I'm not strong enough to do anything...

Me: Hey! *all eyes were one me* Quit picking on Pearl! It's me you want!

Sugilite: Well, if it isn't the other party pooper. Been a long time, hasn't it?

Me: I've been afraid of you for too long. Now, I'm here end this you purple space monkey! *Sugilite scowled at me*

Sugilite: You shouldn't be hard to squish!

The fusion summoned her flail to smash me, but I climbed up and summoned my axe. But once I got to her arm, she smacked me away. Pearl could just watch as I try to defeat Sugilite.

Pearl: Marble...

Steven (speaking through megaphone): Come on, Pearl! Don't give up! I know you can take her down!

Pearl: I can't...

Steven: Yes, you can! Come on! You always knew what to do! You gotta to show her what you showed me! That you're strong, Pearl! Strong in the REAL WAY!

(As I attacked, Sugilite grabbed me)

Sugilite: Who's the monkey now? *Sugilite notices Pearl getting up* WHAT? YOU WANT SOME MORE?!

Pearl: ANY TIME! You're no match for me! Not even CLOSE! (Sugilite punches the ground, but misses)

Me: You got a little something in you're eye.

Sugilite: What..*I punched the fusion in one of her eyes* AAARGH! (Pearl runs up to the lighthouse)

Steven: GOO!

Sugilite: Get back here! (Pearl leaps off the cliff.) Ha! Nice try.

(Sugilite starts swinging her flail only to fall after Pearl throws her spear at her footing. Sugilite then crashes to the ground)

Sugilite: Is that all you GOT? You think that's enough to beat— (her flail lands on her head, separating her into Garnet and Amethyst.)

Pearl: (runs over to them) Amethyst! Garnet! Are you okay!?

Garnet: Yeah... Sugilite just overworked our bodies. It's... a little painful.

Amethyst: I've got a monster headache. (Pearl hugs them, and the sound of bones being cracked is heard; Garnet and Amethyst both moan in pain*

Pearl: Whoops. *I walk up to her*

Me: Thanks for having my back Pearl.

Pearl: No problem.

Steven: Pearl, you did it!

Pearl: Thanks. You make a good coach.

Garnet: Pearl, we should've listened...You were right.

Pearl: Yeah. I was right.

Steven: Go, Pearl!

Pearl: Come on! I feel GREAT! Who's up for a MISSION? Or... *nags*

Amethyst: How long is she goin' to keep this up?

Garnet: We deserve it. Take it like a Gem.

Me: I rather not...

Lars: Uh...What the heck just happened?

Steven: DROP AND GIVE ME 20!


	14. Year 1 - Monster Buddies

**Year 1: Monster Buddies**

(We warped back to the temple after a monster takedown at the Ice Cavern)

Pearl: What were thinking bubbling Steven to the burning room?

Garnet: He's safe, isn't he?

Pearl: But what if he-

Me: Cool your jets, bobblehead. The kid's fine. What's the worst he could do in there? *we hear Steven scream*

Pearl: You were saying?

(We ran into the burning room only too see Steven and an acid spewing Centipeetle)

Pearl: STEVEN! Get away from that thing!

Amethyst: Whoa, dude! (Garnet attempts to punch it, her gauntlet sparkles, the Centipeetle cornered.)

Steven: Wait! It's not... *Garnet attempts to punch it*

Pearl: This was a terrible idea! And he's even managed to pop a bubble, and let out that awful... thing! *the Centipeetle backs away from Garnet* If that thing hurt you, so help me I'll...

Steven: No! It didn't do anything! *surprises Pearl a bit* *runs in front of Centipeetle* Garnet, don't hurt it! I accidentally let it out of its bubble, but it didn't even try to hurt me. It's not like the other monsters, it's just scared and confused. Please Garnet. I'm begging you. (There's a dramatic pause while Steven makes a desperate face.)

(Amethyst jumps down from above.)

Garnet: I can't say no to that face.

Pearl: Excuse me?! You can't be serious!

Me: She has a point you know. Besides, having a pet is huge responsibi- *the centipeetle bites my arm* AAAAAAH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF! (I ran around screaming in pain, shaking the thing off me)

Garnet: I think you should try and tame it, Steven.

Steven: Garnet, thank you so-o-o much. *hugs her*

Amethyst: (laughs) Shut down by the G-squad! A-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Pearl: Well, let's at least take some precaution.

(Outside the temple, the centipeetle was chained to a rock. The gems and Lion were standing and watchinge Steven, I had a bandage on my arm where the thing bit me)

Garnet: Alright, Steven. Let's see if you can get it to calm down. *Centipeetle is chained to a rock*

Steven: Um, it still seems a little scared. *Centipeetle breaks a chain and Gems and Lion each do a fighting pose*

Steven: Maybe you guys could put your weapons away and watch from the house?

Pearl: Absolutely not!

Garnet: *deactivates gauntlets* Steven can handle it.

Pearl: Garnet!?

Garnet: Pearl. *walks away*

Amethyst: Oh! Hmm, hmm! You just got Garneted! Aha!

Me: You guys go on ahead. I better stay here in case that bug needs some extermination.

Pearl: But what about your arm?

Me: I'm sure that lightning can't strike twice.

Pearl: I'm not sure how lightning fits in to this. But alright... *walks away*

Steven: Okay, friend. It's just me now. *Centipeetle breaks free of chains* Calmy-calm, calm. Just like before. Just relax and let your hair down. *Centipeetle becomes calmer* You wanna come over here? Don't worry, it won't be like before. How about we try something else? Hmmmm. Oh, what's this? *pulls bag of chips out of coat* Chiiips! You like Chiiips? You wanna Chiiips? You wanna chiipps? Yeah? Yeah? *takes chip out of bag* Awwww, look at this chip! Yum, yum, yum! *eats chip* Mmm, tasty, tasty. Try it! (Centipeetle walks towards Steven.) That's it! Smells good, right? (Centipeetle takes chip out of Steven's hand and eats it.) I don't know how you eat with an eyeball in your mouth, but I'm glad you like it. *gets up and leads Centipeetle with chip* Mmm, mmm! (A chip blows out of his hand and into Centipeetle's mouth.) Hahahahaha, woohoo! *throws handful of chips in air and laughs* Hey, come on! (Centipeetle comes over and starts eating chips.) You love chips, and I love chips! Hahahaha! Yeah!

Me: Well, I'll be. You've finally trained the little devil. Let me try. *I take a chip and the centipeetle bit my hand* AAAAH! NOT AGAIN! GET IT OFF! *Steven tries to pulls the centipeetle off of my arm*

Steven: No! Marble is our friend! *grabs another chip* Here you go little- (A seagull sees the chips in Steven's hand and bites his finger, causing Steven to drop the bag.) Aaah! Shoo, get! Those aren't for you! (Centipeetle gets angry at seagull.) What are you doing? (Centipeetle shoots acid at the seagull causing it to fly away.) You... saved me.

Me: *offscreen* Yeah that's great. *camera pans to me with a stick of dynamite in may hand* Would you like another treat...

Pearl:...but we have to go back for the shooting star! *Me, Steven, and Centipeetle come in*

Steven: Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst!

Pearl: Woah, why isn't that thing on its rock?

Pearl: *to me* And what happened to you hand?

Me: It hurts to know that your right Pearl...

Steven: I trained her up! Look! Squawk! (Centipeetle shoots acid at beam.) Squawk! (Centipeetle shoots acid at Garnet, but it misses her.) Squawk!

Pearl: Steven, you can't just... *acid lands on picture of Pearl, contorting it to make her look grumpy*

Me: Okay that was a good shot.

Amethyst: Hahahaha! That was awesome-

Steven: Squakk! *acid knocks Amethyst's sandwich from her hand*

Amethyst: No-o-o-o-o! Mi torta! *grieves over her sandwich*

Pearl: Steven, this is unacceptable!

Steven: Oh, come on Pearl. *pets the Centipeetle* She can help us on like missions and stuff.

Pearl: Oh, no! Out of the question!

Steven: Awww.

Pearl: Well we can't return to the Ice Cavern now. We have to deal with Steven and his... situation.

Amethyst: Well I dunno how we're getting through that cavern without causing a cave-in anyway.

Garnet: Hmmm. That's how. *looks at Centipeetle; her saliva makes sizzling noises while burning another hole into the wooden floor*

[Trans. Int. Ice Cavern]

Pearl: I just don't know if this will work...

Steven: Squawk! *Centipeetle creates hole through wall* Alright, centipeetle! *throws chips as reward*

Pearl: Shooting Star, here we come...

So on our way to thr Shooting Star, the centipeetle founded many passages. The process got us into the shooting star room.

All: Woah.

Steven: Cool! *the Gems walk up to a small pool*

Pearl: There it is! The Shooting Star! An ancient elemental, so hot, and so volatile, it can only be contained in ice. Bare skin cannot endure its intensity!

Me: Or yours to be specific.

Steven: What do you do with the Shooting Star?

Amethyst: Uhh, you shoot it.

Pearl: Garnet, you'll have to use your gauntlets so as not to hurt your hands. *Garnet summons gauntlets and Centipeetle gets scared*

Steven: No, no, no! Not now! *Steven rushes over and Garnet stops*

Garnet: Something's wrong.

Me: Eh, mind if you put those things away before...*Centipeetle gets really scared and shoots acid all over the ceiling. All of the stalactites then fall from the ceiling* That.

Steven: Woah! *all of the gems duck*

Pearl: Steven! *summons spear* I knew this would happen! *Pearl charges and then hits the Centipeetle against the wall*

Steven: Aaah! Pearl, stop! It was an accident! *accidentally pulls Centipeetle's hair* Sorry for pulling...

Garnet: Steven! *kicks Centipeetle*

Steven: No-o-o-o! *tears begin*

(The Centipeetle runs toward Steven but then is blocked by Amethyst and Pearl. Amethyst whips her and accidentally sends the Gems flying into the wall. The Centipeetle then almost attacks them.)

Steven: Stop! You don't need to fight! This isn't you! You're not a monster anymore! You're more than that. We have so many memories now! Remember the chip times? (Steven walks towards her.) And how you saved me from that vicious seagull? And how we became best friends? *pulls her in for a hug* You have to remember! This all happened today! (Acid falls onto Steven's jacket and the Centipeetle calms down.)

(A giant stalactite falls in Steven's way, so the Centipeetle pushes him out of the way to save him.)

Steven: No-o-o-o! (Garnet catches him; The Centipeetle is crushed and only her Gem remains) No-o-o! *the Gem rolls over to him* You saved me.

Garnet: Steven... You did a good job trying to tame the Centipeetle. Your mother would be so proud.

Steven: She would?

Me: What are you talking about? Rose would never try to protect these little terrors!

Garnet: Yes, she would. But she was never able to heal them.

Steven: Never? But if she couldn't do it...

Pearl: Who knows? Maybe when you have better control of your powers, you might help them in ways even your mother couldn't.

Garnet: Even this one.

Steven: I'll keep it safe. *Steven bubbles the Gem*

Me: Did he just did what I think he did?

Amethyst: Whoa!

Pearl: Steven! You can bubble Gems!

Steven: Wow. Wait for me, Centipeetle. I promise I'll heal you up someday. *bubbles her to the Burning Room* Ooh! Wait! *reaches for something in jacket*

Me: Well, I think what happened today in an unforgettable experience.

Pearl: Don't tell me you actually miss that thing.

Me: Heck no! I'm just stating that I'm literally scarred with the memory. *shows wounded arm* But still, I can't shake off that feeling that we will meet that centipeetle again.

Pearl: I doubt it. He still hasn't controlled his healing powers yet.

Garnet: Never doubt the power of Steven.

Amethyst: Oh snap!

[End]


	15. Year 1 - An Indirect Kiss

**Year 1: An Indirect Kiss**

I was hanging out with Steven today, figured the boy needed someone to comfort him after what happened to him.

(Me and a gloomy Steven were riding on Lion up a hill, following Connie for a picnic)

Connie: Steven, hurry up! (prepares the blanket for the picnic; Steven falls off from Lion's back) Are you okay?

Steven: I'm fine.

Me: *whispers* He's not fine.

Connie: *gets a sandwich from picnic basket* Are you sure you're okay?

Steven: *sad face* Yeah. *eats the sandwich*

Connie: Okay, uh... So, um... Is this fence new? *points to the fence*

Steven: Uh, it's a long story.

Connie: Is it a magic story?!

Me: Yes.

Steven: Mmm-maybe?

Connie: Well, what happened? Tell me, please.

Steven: Okay, okay. But it's not a happy story.

Me: It's been a traumatic expericence for him. Allow me to recollect the events. *Clears throat*

[Flashback - A while ago]

Me: (Narrates) It all started in this very spot, I was spending time with Steven and Amethyst. Amethyst, being a mischevous little scamp, was horsing around by the cliff.

Steven: Amethyst, be careful!

Amethyst: *laughs* Steven, why are you getting so worked up? *Makes a mock-lovestruck face* Why~~ Do you care about me or something?

Steven: *crying* Yes...

Me: I wouldn't worry, kid. Gems like her are known to bounce back.

Amethyst: Yeah, dude. I'll be- *pretends to fall backwards* woah, woah!

Steven: Amethyst, stop you're gonna fall!

Amethyst: *singsong* Ooh... Steven! *giggles* I'm gonna fa-all! (Steven chases Amethyst.)

Steven: Amethyst, you're gonna get hurt!

Amethyst: *stops at the end of the cliff* Steven, please, You heard Marbs. I'm a Gem warrior, I'm not gonna fall-

(Ironically, Amethyst falls off the cliff.)

Amethyst: Ugh, this is so embarrassing. *crashes into rock* I'm ok!

[Flashback cut - Cuts to Me, Steven, and Connie]

Me: Ironically, Amethyst did fall and got hurt. So we ran to her aid as fast as we could.

[Flashback continues - To Steven, and Amethyst]

Steven: You sure you're ok?

Amethyst: Yes, Steven, I'm fine. Except for this! (Removes part of hair to show her eye)

Me: Right here girls! (I arrive with Garnet and Pearl)

Pearl: (gasps) Amethyst!

Amethyst: Great.

Pearl: Show me your gem! (Tries to reach Amethyst but she slaps her hand.)

Amethyst: Fresh! (Garnet raises Amethyst's arm and pulls her shirt to reveal cracked gem; Amethyst blushes and looks away)

Me: Oh dear...

Pearl: Amethyst! Your gem is cracked!

Amethyst: Rude! *covers her gem* Ah- It's not a big deal! Plus, now I have this cool googly eye. (Steven laughs.)

Pearl: How did this even happen?

Steven: She fell off the cliff by the lighthouse.

Amethyst: Did not!

Pearl: Of course... How could I have been so blind? We need to put a fence up there, so this will never happen again!

[Flashback cut - Cuts to Me, Steven, and Connie]

Me: And that's why we have a fence. So-

Steven: The end. *chomps a sandwich*

Me: But I'm not done the story.

Steven: Nope. That's the whole story.

Connie: Wait, what happened to Amethyst?

Steven: Uhhh...

Connie: C'mon! Tell me the rest!

Steven: I don't wanna.

Connie: Steven? *Steven looks away* Steven... *Steven starts shaking and murmuring* Steven! *Steven shakes faster and groans louder*

Me: It will be okey dokey Steven. Don't keep it all in...

Steven: Okay, okay... But only if you let me try on your glasses.

Connie: Only if you give me the rest of your juice.

Steven: Okay, but it's mostly backwash.

Connie: Good enough. (Steven and Connie swap items and Steven puts on glasses)

Steven: How do I look?

Connie: *squinting her eyes* I have no idea.

Steven: Well... Um... So... We were all worried about Amethyst.

(Flashback continues)

Steven: *in flashback* So, what's the problem? Amethyst falls on stuff all the time.

Pearl: It'd be fine if it was just her body, but her gem is damaged.

Steven: So, what do you do to fix it?

Pearl: Before...*sighs* ...we had Rose.

Garnet: Steven, your mother had healing tears that flowed from her gem. She felt real love for those around her. She felt real sorrow when they were hurt. You have the Rose Quartz gem now. I know that power is in you, too.

Me: Passed down from generation to generation. And you're the only generation we got so, it's up to you kid.

Steven: Amethyst, show me your gem!

Amethyst: Yeah, all right. (shows her gem)

Steven: *whispering* The power to heal. (scene shows Steven being wrapped by a vine and then leaping out in a burst of roses.) *straining* It's not working. I guess I'm just too tough to cry.

Pearl: Just today, you were crying about snakes.

Steven: They don't have any arms!

Me: So what do we do now?

Garnet: We have no choice. We need to take Amethyst to Rose's Healing Spring.

Amethyst: *scoffs* Guys I'm fine, I'm not gonna get any wor-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r... r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r... *pop* Hcaeb eht no gniod uoy era tahw syug yeh. (Hey guys! What are you doing on the beach?)

Me: See. She's fine... *passes out*

[Soon we arrive at Rose's Garden]

Pearl: And in the center of the garden-Rose's Fountain, overflowing with your mother's healing, lacrimal essence!

Garnet: I don't see it.

Pearl: Wha... *gasps*

Me: Whoa...

Amethyst: Emoh gniog m'I ,hgu. (Ugh, I'm going home.)

Me: No you ain't. We're taking care of this right now!

Steven: You can understand her?

Me: I speak backwards fluently.

Pearl: Now, now! Let's keep it together! Our memories of Rose can't be tainted by some overgrown brambles! *chuckles* Look at them. They're a mess without her guidance. Directionless, pathetic, clinging things. It's going to be okay, Garnet.

Garnet: *shrugs* Sure.

Pearl: Y-you really think so?

Steven: Healing tears! *straining*

Pearl: Hmm *In sing-song voice* Maybe there's a path over here! *Garnet and Pearl leave*

Amethyst: Yeh! t'nac ydob ruoy fi... nwo sti no yrc... attog uoy... yrc ti ekam! (Hey! If your body can't cry on it's own, you gotta make it cry)

Me: She says If your body can't cry on it's own, you got to make it cry.

Steven: How? *Amethyst takes her hand and slaps it across her face and imitates crying* Pain can make one cry. (Amethyst shakes her head in agreement)

Steven: Where is pain? (Steven looks at the brambles, puts his hand over his eyes, and has his index finger pointing towards a bramble needle. They then advance towards him. Amethyst gasps and jumps out to save Steven just in time)

Pearl: Amethyst, no more roughhousing, you'll exacerbate your crack!

Amethyst: Wonk uoy os tsuj nevetS llik annog era dna efil ot gnimoc era seniv eht! (The vines are coming to life and are gonna kill Steven just so you know.)

Me: She says the vines were coming to life and were going to kill Steven.

(Amethyst attempts to walk forward and instead reverses herself and walks into a rock; Pearl gasps)

Steven: Aw, right in the gem! *crack enlarges*

Amethyst: *coughing* Doog m'I, gnihtyna ro yrrow t'nod. ( Don't worry or anything, I'm good.)

(Amethyst's body glitches causing her head to switch with her foot.)

Me: Definitely not good.

Pearl: Ohh! Oh! Keep calm. What we need to do is to get you into the fountain immediately, if we can ever find a way through all this mess! (Garnet in the background is pulling out a rock from brambles while Pearl is talking.)

Garnet: Shh. (Garnet punches the rock she pulled free and creates a pathway to Rose's Fountain.) I needed that. This way.

Me: She doesn't find a path, she makes a path.

Pearl: *chuckles* We could've probably gotten in without hurdling a giant rock into Rose's most precious sanctuary! But if you're okay with it, I'm fine, too! *chuckles*

Me: At this rate, I'm not sure who's gonna break first.

Garnet: This isn't right. (Steven and I peer to see the fountain)

Garnet: The fountain isn't running.

Pearl: What? W-what's wrong with it?

Garnet: I'm not sure.

Me: Well, it has been a while since it was flowing.

Steven: Is that Mom? Oh, oh, I'm getting emotional! I think it's happening! Uh, I'm really feeling it! *Straining*

[Flashback cut—cuts to Steven and Connie]

Steven: Ahh! Headache!

Connie: So give back my glasses and finish the story! (Steven gives Connie her glasses back)

[Flashback cuts back to Steven and the Crystal Gems]

Steven: *inhales deeply* Ah, come on! I had it!

Pearl: *sighs* Steven, it's fine. Just— just stay here and watch Amethyst. We'll find out what's wrong with the fountain.

Steven: No, no. Wait! I can still do it! (Amethyst's gemstone crack enlarges and makes Amethyst fall into pieces that are connected by a small lines of skin, Garnet hisses, then she and Pearl start to leave but Steven chases after them) Wait, wait! It might still happen! Guys? (Amethyst then rams into Steven.) Ahh!

Amethyst: Pleh elttil, hu? (Steven and I look at what she is shaking her head to, to see her body trying to round up itself)

Steven: I can't understand you! I don't understand anything! Why is everyone acting so strange? Why can't I- (Steven looks at the statue of his mother.)

Me: Steven, calm-

Steven: Why can't I cry?! *echoing* Why can't I cry?

[Flash back cut—cuts to Steven and Connie]

Steven: (Connie sniffling) Are you okay?

Me: The story's just making her emotional. isn't that right?

Connie: *nods head "yes"* Keep going.

[Flash back cuts back to Me, Steven, and Amethyst]

Amethyst: Ay lliw pu rheec- Huh? *Steven gasps*

(Brambles come out of the statue of Rose and get caught on Amethyst's foot and one of her hands and squeezes them tight. Steven runs in the opposite direction and gets blocked of by advancing bushes)

Me: I got ya little buddy! (I summon my axe and chopped a few brambles. But they keep regenerating)

Steven: Ahh! (Steven runs in the opposite direction and gets blocked of by advancing bushes) Ahh! Amethyst, where's your gem? (Amethyst uses her other hand to point where it is to see bushes advancing in her gems direction)

Me: I can't hold 'em off for much longer! (I hold on to the rest of Amethyst's body)

Steven: (pants while trying to run faster) Ahh! *Grunts* (Steven throws himself, Amethyst and me into the center of the fountain where the bushes could not reach; Amethyst's gem cracks even more)

Steven: Amethyst, I'm sorry! I can't do anything right. Now I'm going to lose you, and it's all my fault.

Me: No it isn't kid. You got good intentions, but we just can't seem to find a solution. (Amethyst glitches again.)

Amethyst: (slowed down) Ha ha, you care about me. *Steven hugs Amethyst*

Steven: Please let me be a magic healer. (Crying, a tear hits Amethyst's gem and he gasps. Amethyst's gem stays cracked.) Oh, come on! (With a rumble, Rose's fountain activates and washes over us, growing roses on the bushes, making all the brambles disappear, and flowers clear away the brambles above them. Steven looks up to the top of the water and thinks he sees his mother reaching down to him. Steven swam upwards and gasped for air)

Me: Man, I forgot how good this feels. (Amethyst bumps into Steven, healed)

Amethyst: Look at this guy, saving my life and junk. *Steven and Amethyst both laugh*

Pearl: Oh, thank goodness.

Steven: Did you see what I did? It was magic! *Steven swims forward* My tears brought the fountain back to life and saved Amethyst! *Garnet and Pearl look at each other*

Pearl: I'm pretty sure me and Garnet unplugging a clogged chamber brought the fountain back to life.

Garnet: We saved Amethyst.

Steven: You don't think my crying was a little related to that?

Pearl: Oh Steven, you don't have healing tears. You'll never have any real magic powers, and we don't want anything more to do with you. (Steven looks at Pearl horrified)

[Flash back cut—cuts to Connie Steven and Me]

Connie: She didn't really say that?

Me: Of course not! Didn't remember what she actually said though, but it definitely wasn't that.

Steven: But that's what it felt like.

Connie: Is that why you've been so down? *Steven shrugs his shoulders* Oh. You can have your juice back.

Steven: Nah, that's okay. *sniffles and then sighs* Everyone expects me to be like my mom. What if I never get those powers?

Connie: Then you'll be like me. That's not so bad.

Steven: But if I don't have powers, then I can't hang out with Amethyst or Garnet or Pearl, and I-I can't go on missions! *grips pants tight, but Connie puts her hand on Steven's*

Connie: You don't need any powers to be here with me. *the wind whistles, Connie drinks some of the juice, then leans forward attempting to kiss Steven, but suddenly stops) Ow. Ugh.

Steven: What's wrong?

Me: Got a headache?

Connie: No... I think- *sighs* there's just—something wrong with my glasses. (her point of view adjusts from blurry sight to a clear image) My... My eyes. I-I-I can see!

Steven: What?

Me: It's a miracle!

Steven: Did I heal your eyes? But how? (we stare at juice box Steven gave to Connie, Connie drops it) *gasps* The juice box! I don't have healing tears, I have healing spit!

Me: I knew you had it in ya! It wasn't tears, but you know it could've been worse.

Steven: How?

Me: You could've gotten healing snot!

Connie: What am I going to tell my parents? What am I going to tell my optometrist?!

Steven: I don't even know! Oh thank you Connie! *Steven hugs Connie* Lion, Marble, let's go tell the other Gems, they're never going to believe this! (Steven, Lion and I rush down the hill leaving Connie alone. She takes her glasses and pops out the lenses and puts them on)

[End]


	16. Year 1 - Mirror Gem

**Year 1: Mirror Gem**

32 years ago, long before Steven was born. I remember seeing someone who could control water. She grew kind to me as we spent time together, but all of that changed during the gem war. She was trapped inside a mirror ever since. I lost her forever, or so I thought...

(I was walking over to the Big Donut, when I happen to see Steven running with a mirror in his hand)

Me: Fancy meeting you here Steven.

Steven: Happy summer vacation Marble! School's out!

Me: But you don't even go to school Steven.

Steven: Not anymore! *turns around and runs off* Happy summer vacation, Beach City! *I notice the mirror in his hand*

Me: [thoughts] _Why does that mirror look familiar?..._ (Steven bumps into Lars)

Sadie and Lars: *setting up tables* Hey!

Lars: (Steven slams into Lars.) Er, watch where you're going, you little f... (Glances at Sadie) Ssssteven!

Steven: Sorry! I'm just so excited for summer. Are you excited for summer? I'm so excited for summer!

Sadie: *Laughs* Uh, I think I'm as excited as I can get about setting up extra seating for the summer rush. But Lars has big plans.

Lars: You bet I do! All those out-of-town summer babes traveling away from home without their boyfriends, if you know what I mean. (brief pause)

Steven: Nope.

Lars: Maybe I'll get a few numbers. Maybe I'll even... call one.

Sadie: Ha! Well, yeah, maybe I'll meet a new friend.

Steven: That's a great idea - A special new friend to have fun on the beach with in the summer. Maybe if I keep using the mirror to guide me, I'll walk backwards into my own beach-summer-fun buddy! *Starts walking backwards*

Lars: Next time you see me, I'll be on the arm of a hot woman's! *I follow Steven* Hey beautiful. *I ignore him*

Steven: *Laughs* Wo, Wo, Wo, Wo! Wo, Wo, Wo, Wo! Wo, Wo, Hee-Hee! *Imitating Michael Jackson and moonwalks*

Me: Steven?

Steven: Hey Marble.

Me: Where did you get that mirror?

Steven: Oh this? *shows mirror* Pearl gave it to me. She said something about it showing me knowledge about gems.

Me: What else did she say?

Steven: I don't know. I wasn't paying attention.

Me: Boy, you haven't been to school much haven't you? *We hear Mayor Dewey's van*

Mayor Dewey's Van: May-or Dew-ey.

Mirror: Er, watch where you're going, you little...

Steven: Huh? (The truck is coming towards Steven.)

Mayor Dewey's Van: May-or Dew-ey.

Steven: No-o-o-o-o!

Me: STEVEN LOOK OUT! *I push Steven out of the way* *van stops*

Mayor Dewey: *Leans out of the truck* Car wash kid, what are you and your friend doing?!

Steven: I don't know. Why were you driving down the boardwalk?

Mayor Dewey: I'm the mayor—I'm not going to _walk_ anywhere. Now, go get run over somewhere else. I'm late for a speech. *Begins to drive again*

Mayor Dewey's Van: May-or Dew-ey. May-or Dew-ey.

Me: Why do we keep re-electing this guy?

Mirror: *Whirs* *laughs*

Steven: You work! This is so cool! What's it like being a mirror?

Mirror: *Whirs* You work!

Steven: So you can repeat stuff?

Mirror: *Chuckling* Yeah!

Mayor Dewey: Hello, Beach City, my friends! It's great to be here to celebrate the coming season. A warm summer breeze wafts through the air.

Steven: *Inhales deeply* PBHT! *fart noise*

(The crowd snickers.)

Mayor Dewey: We all look forward to the sounds of the summer season...

Mirror: PBHT!

Mayor Dewey: ...the smells of the busy boardwalk...

Mirror: PBHT! *I snicker*

Mayor Dewey: ...The hot, wet ocean wind...

Mirror: PBHT!

Mayor Dewey: ...The time to take that pressure that's built up all year and just let it out.

Mirror: PBHT! *Crowd laughs*

Me: *I lie down on the sand laughing* BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's awesome! You're awesome!

Mirror: You're awesome!

Steven: Wow, you picked that up fast.

[Timeskip to night time]

Me: Well Steven, It's been great. But I gotta get going, Pearl worries if I'm out all day.

Steven: Okay, bye Marble.

Mirror: You're awesome!

Even if i did know what's going on with that mirror, It's been a long time since then. I can't be expected to remember. But eventually, Steven did it for me. (Inside the temple, Amethyst and I were laughing)

Amethyst: Do it again Marble! Do it again!

Me: Okay, okay. *clears throat* Just look at your mayor! You know he's ready and willing for the hot wafting summer air! PBHT! *We laugh harder*

Amethyst: Hot wafting summer air indeed! *Steven comes in*

Steven: Guys! Wait 'till you see...

Amethyst: Yo! Ste-man!

Me: Man of the hour.

Pearl: Hello, Steven.

Garnet: Howdy. Bang.

Amethyst: Want to see something hi-larious? *Moves M.C. Bear Bear towards the pile from earlier, now stacked neatly. Pearl thrusts her spear through it, Amethyst and I laugh*

Pearl: You don't understand. Symmetrical means both sides have to be the same! *Angry grunting* Oh, gosh! *Puts M.C. Bear-Bear into a pile of other stabbed stuff*

Steven: M.C. Bear-Bear! Okay, that's great. Anyway, I fixed the mirror!

Pearl: Excellent work, Steven!

Steven: You didn't tell me it's like a person. *The Gems all look shocked*

Pearl: Wait. What?

Me: What do you mean like a person?

Steven: Say "hey." ...Lil' buddy... Uh... excuse us. *Turns around* Come on. You want to come out, don't you? You have so much to say and funny noises to share from across the ages. Are we not beach-summer-fun buddies?

Mirror: *Whirs* PBHT!

Steven: *Laughs* Just couldn't help yourself, huh?

Mirror: *whirs* Just for - you - (Lars appears in the mirror) Ssssteven! *repeatedly laughs*

Me: Guys, did you know about this?

Pearl: No. It shouldn't be able to do that. I-it should just be following orders...

Amethyst: Garnet, do something.

Garnet: Steven. *walks towards him*

Mirror: *Laughs, but stops* Noooo!

Garnet: You should just give us back the mirror. It will be safer where we can watch it.

Amethyst: Yeah, let's bubble it!

Mirror: Noooo! *Echoing repeatedly* Noooo!

Steven: Wha...

Garnet: Steven. Don't make me have to take it from you.

Steven: *Gasps* It doesn't want to go with you. Don't you hear it screaming?

Garnet: Steven, it's just a mirror, a tool. It can't want anything. *Garnet reaches her hand towards the mirror*

Mirror: *Echoing repeatedly* Noooo!

Me: I don't understand. What's going on..

Steven: *growls* It wants to be with me! (He slaps Garnet's hand away, which hits her in the face and knocks her glasses off. Amethyst gasps extremely surprised and then Garnet stares at Steven extremely angry.)

Steven: *runs out of the house* Aah-aah! I'm sorry!

Me: Steven! Wait! *I run after him*

Garnet: *Puts glasses back on* That little boy is in big trouble.

Pearl: Garnet, wait! I'm sure he didn't understand what he was doing!

[Outside the Beach House]

Garnet: Fan out. (We split up to find Steven. I find the kid and ran after him)

Me: Steven, Stop!

Steven: Get away from me! You don't understand!

Me: You're right, I don't. But you can trust me! Remember the fun we had? PBHT! *I hit a rock which Steven hid behind*

Moments later, I was awaken by a glow of a gem, like if someone was reforming. I open my eyes I saw a familiar face looking right at me.

Me: Gah! Who... *I took a good look the gem* Lapis?

Lapis: Marble...

I was looking at Lapis Lazuli, the gem who shared her feelings with me long before I met the gems. How could I forget someone who meant so much to me...

Steven: You know her?

Me: I-It's been a while...

Lapis: Are you really Crystal Gems?

Steven: Yeah!

Lapis Lazuli: But you set me free. *To me* And you were there for me.

Steven: But— Wha...

Garnet: Steven!

Pearl: Good job Marble! You found him!

Me: Uh, I can explain!

Lapis: No need...

Steven: *runs in front of them* Wait!

Lapis Lazuli: You... *Steven gasps* You three knew I was in there... *raises a huge water-arm out of the ocean* and you didn't do anything. Did you even wonder who I used to be?! (Lapis slams the water-arm onto the Crystal Gems, trapping Garnet underneath it.)

Pearl: Steven, run! (Amethyst and Pearl skid in opposite directions)

Steven: What are you doing?

Lapis: I'm Lapis Lazuli, and you can't keep me trapped here anymore!

Steven: Huh?

Lapis Lazuli: They're not going to let us leave.

Steven: Leave?

Lapis Lazuli: *parts the ocean in half to make a path* Steven, Marble, come with me.

Steven: Where?

Lapis Lazuli: Home.

Steven: B-b-but... B-but I... Uh...

Lapis Lazuli: Fine. *to me* I'll just take you! (grabs me)

Me: Hey! (Lapis makes the path made in the parted water disappear as Garnet punches the water arm away)

And with that, she took off with me in her hands. Where, I'm not sure. Why? Well, that's a question to be answered next time...


	17. Year 1 - Ocean Gem

**Year 1: Ocean Gem**

It's been hours since the events that happened last night. Pearl gave Steven a peculiar mirror that can play back voices. But the mirror was trying to communicate like if there was something or someone calling out for help.

It was then that I realized that there was someone inside that mirror, an old friend of mine. But she wasn't welcome with the other gems who knew she was trapped inside. And now she trails off with me in her clutches, luckily she'll won't do anything to harm me. But will she be as easy to Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl as she is to me and Steven? Let's see...

(Lapis has taken me to a top of a tower made of water)

Me: Nice place you got here... *I look around* So, don't see much people huh?

Lapis: Not ever since I was in that mirror.

Me: Well, that doesn't mean you shun them like they shunned you.

Lapis: Why not? They don't understand me. Not like you.

Me: But, why me?

Lapis: Because you knew what happened to me. You knew my pain. You and... *senses something* Steven. (Lapis summons a water hand that brings Steven to the top)

Steven: *his body is encased in a bubble and he gasps for air* Lapis? Marble?

Lapis: What are you doing here, Steven?

Steven: What? I - No! What are you doing here? This thing, the ocean, this is CRAZY!

Me: Lapis! Let him go!

Steven: Can't we work this out? We Gems should be friends. Whoa! *Lapis pulls the bubble that he's in forward*

Lapis: Don't you know anything, Steven? Your friends, they don't really care about other Gems. All they care about is the Earth. But I never believed in this place...

Steven: But why did you keep Marble?

Lapis: Because she cares about me!

Steven: (Steven is released from the bubble.) Wha... ?

Me: It's kind of a long story.

Lapis: I just want to go home... *I put her hand on her shoulder*

Me: I know. That's why were here, Lapis. They just want to help you.

Steven: You took the ocean away, and the ocean is an important part of my home.

Lapis: I'm only using the ocean because my gem is cracked. If I just stretch it far enough... *sighs* This is never going to work. (We look at Lapis' cracked gem)

Me: Look, I know it's hard for you find your way home. And beleive me, I too wish to return to a simpler time. But, the many years I've spent on this earth. I've come to realize that all beings should deserve our aid just as any human.

Lapis: What are you trying to say?

Me: I'm saying, let us help you... (It was silent for a moment then Steven had an Idea)

Steven: *gasps* I can fix your gem. I have healing powers.

Lapis: Wait, you have healing powers?

Steven: I know, right?

Lapis: Oh, what should I...

Steven: Oh, uh, sorry. This might be a little weird.

Lapis: What? (Steven licks his hand)

Me: Hold still. *slurps* *licks hand* *determined grunt* *slaps spit-covered hand onto Lapis' back*

Lapis: (turns to us) Thank you, Steven!

Steven: No prob, bob. *wipes his spitty hand onto his pants*

Lapis: ...It's Lapis.

Steven: Yeah.

Lapis: Okay. Bye.

Me: Lapis, wait!

Lapis: Hmm?

Me: Stay with us. You'll be safe on earth.

Lapis: I can't. I need to get home.

Me: When will I see you again?

Lapis: Never... *she flies into the galaxy*

Steven: Oh! *gasping*

(Lapis' Tower begins to collapse. Steven and I fall, I hold on to him. Connie and Lion emerge from a portal.)

Connie: Grab my hand! *Stretches out her hand for Steven's until they meet* Gotcha! (Steven, Connie, and Lion teleport back)

Greg: Steven! (Water falls on the group.)

[The next morning, on the beach]

Mayor Dewey: *Cries, still pouring water onto the sand* ...huh? (The Ocean begins flooding back in)

Lars: Yes! Babe city, here we come- (Sadie shoves Lars into the water) Whoa!

(Greg's bubbled van emerges from the water, Steven unbubbles it.)

Amethyst: That's how you do it! *As the van lands, we laugh, but Greg's van falls apart even more*

Pearl: *Looks at a distressed Greg, holding the broken steering wheel and chuckles* Well, what's that thing you always say about the pork chops and the hot dogs?

Connie: Look! *Mayor Dewey runs forward and embraces Steven, the crowd follows, cheering and laughing; Connie witnesses this and laughs*

Amethyst: Mm. *Hugs Lion*

Me: Make some room! *I join in*

Garnet: So, Lapis made it off planet.

Me: Yeah, she just couldn't stay for a while. You know if you get to know her she's not much of a bad gem.

Pearl: Yes, but... What does this mean for us?

Garnet: We wait and see. *The crowd continued cheering*

Steven: (high fives Sour Cream while on Lars' shoulders) See you, Lapis... Wherever you are.

Me: I'm sure she'll be alright. She's free... (Iris-out closes in on a single twinkling star)


	18. Year 1 - Secret Team

**Year 1: Secret Team**

Not much has been happening since the whole Lapis episode. Greg broke his ankle and Steven was stuck caring for him, and Pearl was so excited to go into space she and Steven almost got lost in it. Me, however. I couldn't get Lapis out of my mind, she's been through so much since she's been trapped in that mirror.

Steven and I were hanging out in Amethyst's room. Steven was climbing a mountain of junk, attempting to do a high dive.

Steven: Cannonball! *jumps into the water* Amethyst, Marble, did you see? I think that was my best one!

Me: Hm, I won't give it a ten. I do believe it's lacking something. What do think?

Amethyst: Eh. You need to put more "ball" in your "cannon".

Steven: *Looks down* Is that gonna hurt?

Amethyst: Not if you do it like... this! (Amethyst shape-shifts into a ball and jumps into the water causing a huge splash.)

Steven: *Laughs* That was awesome!

Me: *offscreen* My turn! (shows me on top of a trash pile, using an ironing board as a diving board)

Amethyst: Do it, Marbs!

Me: *Takes a deep breath* She's planning a double-twisting interrupted forward-flying 2-and-a-half with a combo tuck and pike. Level of difficulty: Impossible... (I jumped off the board, spinning way high. Then dove way down in a perfect form, then made a big splash. Steven and Amethyst applauded)

Steven: Amazing!

Amethyst: You nailed it!

Me: Thank you. Thank you.

Steven: I wanna dive as cool as you!

Me: Now hold on, Steven. This move is only for experts. Let's start off with something simple. Try diving into...*looks around* that puddle?

Steven: What about this one?

Amethyst: Whoa, Steven! Wait!

Steven: *Sticks head in and sees Garnet in The Burning Room* Unh!

Amethyst: *Pulls Steven's head out of the puddle* Only Garnet is allowed in there. Let's do something less dangerous. *looks around* Why don't you jump off that? *points to a junk pile*

Steven: Whoa. How do you even stack your stuff that high?

Amethyst: It's a talent. *Steven climbs to the top and looks down at puddle he's about to jump in* Do it!

Steven: Amethyst, I hope you're ready! 'Cause here I go-o-o-o— *hits tire* unh! Aaaaah! (lands in the puddle but resurfaces in Pearl's room) huh? Am I in Pearl's Room?

Amethyst: *Pops up next to us* Ha! that was crazy! Huh? *sees Pearl with a pink bubble full of gem shards* What is she doing with a Rose Quartz bubble?

Steven: My mom bubbled that?

Me: Oh, this is gold.

Amethyst: Garnet's gonna be so ma— *sinks mouth under water and begins moving* *muffled*! (Steven chuckles, breathes deeply, and sinks mouth under water and follows me and Amethyst)

Pearl: *Inspecting Rose Quartz bubble* Ah. Hmm. hmm? Mm-hmm. Mm...

Amethyst & Me: *sneaks up behind Pearl* *shouts* BUSTED!

Pearl: *startled* What are you doing in here?!

Amethyst: *mockingly* What are you doing in here?!

Pearl: *blushing* I... just wanted to see how the shards are reacting to Rose's bubble. And it's none of your business.

Me: Isn't that Garnet's buisness?

Steven: Oooooohhhh! (Pearl grabs Amethyst by the tanktop)

Pearl: Don't tell her!

Amethyst: How are you gonna *grabs Pearl's hand* stop me? *Pulls Pearl's hand off her tanktop* *Pearl kicks her in the face* Ugh! *bites Pearl's foot*

Me: Well this got ugly fast.

Pearl: Aggh! Ame-thyst!

Steven: *Runs in between them and separates them* Guys, stop fighting!

Pearl: Heathen! *Amethyst Hisses*

Steven: *Takes the Rose Quartz bubble from Pearl* Here. Let's just put it back...

Pearl: Steven, be careful with that!

Amethyst: Yeah, give it to me!

Me: No, I got it!

(Pearl, Amethyst, and I reach for the bubble at the same time, popping it from both sides)

All: *Gasp*

Steven: *Stares at the now unbubbled and glowing shards in his hands* Uh...

(The shards transform into several dis-embodied limbs)

Steven: Ahh! Ahh! Aaaah! (The arms fall down the waterfall, and scatter throughout the Crystal Temple)

Me: Well... That worked out nicely...

Steven: *Whispers* - We got to get Garnet.

Amethyst: No! No way! We just freed a bunch of mindless gem chunks, okay?! They're going to crawl who knows where, all over the temple. *Pearl is hyperventilating* And when Garnet finds out, we're dead!

Pearl: *calms down slightly* She's not going to find out... We're going to catch them— All of them.

Amethyst: You're right. Every single one— Back in a bubble and back in the basement!

Me: Like nothing ever happened.

Steven: And then we tell Garnet?

Me, Pearl, and Amethyst: NO!

Pearl: *Places a hand on Steven's shoulder* This has to stay a secret. Okay?

Steven: Our secret... Together? *gasps* If we've got a secret, we've got to do this right, which means we got to come up with a name for our secret-keeping team — Something cool, like... the Secret Team!

Pearl: *Exchanges glances with Amethyst* Uh...

Me: It'll have to do for now. But if any of you blow our cover, I'll deny I ever knew you!

Steven: And a secret team needs membership cards that we can show off to other people! *Pulls three coupons out of pocket*

Pearl: *Reading her card* Fish Stew Pizza?

Amethyst: Eh, what's a "VIP(IZZA)"?

Steven: Well, if you collect enough of them, you can get a free pizza. But now, they're the official card of... the Secret Team!

Pearl: Gre-ea-at, Steven. Come on. We're doing this.

Amethyst: *Nods* Hm!

Me: *Nods* Hm!

Steven: Secret Team, move out!

The four of us fanned out in each of our rooms collecting the shards with out Garnet being the wiser. By the time we collected the shards in the Burning Room, our mission was accomplished.

[Back in Pearl's Room]

Pearl: Okay. *Holds out a hand with shards in it along with Amethyst and Steven*

Amethyst: That looks like all of them.

Steven: Yeah! Secret Team!

Pearl: Hmm. Are you sure we didn't miss any?

Amethyst: Who cares?! We totally nailed this.

Steven: Yeah!

Pearl: *Clears throat* If you're sure this is all of them, then we just need to seal it in a Rose Quartz bubble.

Amethyst: Steven, this is all you! Think you can handle it? *Drops her shards in his hands*

Steven: Yeah. I can do it.

Me: Of course he can. He's part of the Secret Club.

Steven: Secret Team.

Pearl: Ah, yes. Secret Team. *Hands him her shards*

Amethyst: Yeah, that thing. (Steven bubbles the shards)

[Trans. into burning room]

(Steven sticks his head in the puddle in Amethyst's room, planning to put the new bubble in the Burning Room. He sees Garnet in the room and gasps and Garnet turns her head slightly.)

[Trans. int of Amethyst's room]

Steven: *Gasps* G-Garnet!

Amethyst: Did she see you?

Steven: I don't think so.

Pearl: Then what are you waiting for?

Me: Let's try this again... in and out... Got it? *Steven nods* (Amethyst and Pearl put Steven back in the puddle to the burning room; Steven places the bubble back in the room and exits the puddle)

Pearl: Mission accomplished. Congratulations, us.

Amethyst: Aww, yes. We're off the hook.

Steven: All right! So, what's next?

Amethyst: Nothing's "next." The mission is over.

Pearl: Now everything goes back to normal and we never speak of this again.

Me: Speak of what again?

Pearl: Exactly.

Steven: But what about... Secret Team?

We all went back to our normal routines like the whole thing never happened. But Steven wanted to continue being in the Secret Team. Later, the boy summoned us and we met up in Pearl's room.

Steven: I know you must be wondering why I brought you all here. It's 'cause I'm gettin' the team back together! So, here's the gig. *pulls a picture out of pocket and hands to Pearl* I left my special hat at the Big Donut.

Pearl: I've never seen you wear this.

Steven: But now it's closed for the day. So the mission is, we break in and get it back. And, bam! The Secret Team is back on top!

Me: Um, maybe you didn't hear us. Secret Team is over.

Pearl: Secret Team? What's that?! *Chuckles nervously*

Steven: Aw, come on! We had so much fun together! Getting along, sneaking around—

Pearl: *Grabs Steven by the shoulders* Steven, that was not about fun. *Crosses arms* That was about fixing our terrible mistake.

Amethyst: Eh, your terrible mistake. You shouldn't have had that bubble in the first place.

Pearl: It never would have popped if you and Marble hadn't invaded my personal space!

Me: Hey, leave me out of this.

Steven: Aw, come on. Team, team!

Amethyst: Fine, you can have all the personal space you want, 'cause I never want to be on a team with you again! *Rips V. coupon in half and drops it; Steven gasps*

Pearl: Good! I don't want to be on a team with you, either! *Rips V. coupon and drops it*

Amethyst: Fine!

Pearl: Fine! *grits teeth*

Me: Sorry kid. (we all jumped off into our rooms, leaving Steven)

Poor kid was desperate to bring Secret Team back together. Didn't know he was just doing this just so he can get Pearl and Amethyst to be friends again, not that they were ever were friends to begin with, but he called in a favor from a certain friend...

[Back in Pearl's room]

Pearl: *gasps* Garnet! *retracts weapon*

(Garnet drops Amethyst, Steven, and me in front of Pearl)

Amethyst: What's the deal?

Pearl: *Runs to Steven* Steven!

Steven: What's this all about, Garnet?

Garnet: I know all about the gem shards!

Pearl: Uh... *Exchanges glances with Amethyst*

Me: Shards? What shards?

Steven: *Stands up* It— It was me! I'm the one who popped the bubble! All by myself.

Pearl: Steven... *Stands up* I can't believe you!

Me: The shards were like this when we got here! I don't even know this kid!

Amethyst: Pearl did it!

Garnet: *sighs* If no one has anything else to say, and everyone else is innocent...

Me: It was an escort gone horribly wrong! Ninjas!

Amethyst: Pearl did it!

Garnet: I'm going to have to punish you, Steven.

Steven: No! Not punishment! *Sighs dramatically*

Garnet: Come with me, Steven! (A black hand shoots out of the water and grabs Garnet, pulling her under the water with it; Amethyst gasps as the black hand reappears in one of the other fountains with Garnet still in its hand)

Amethyst: Garnet! (Amethyst, Pearl, and I summon our weapons and charge at the hand, which goes back under the water)

Steven: Oh, no! We must have missed a shard! (The black hand punches Amethyst)

Amethyst: Unh!

Me: A BIG shard!

Amethyst: *Tries to run back to the hand but another one comes out of the water and stops her* Unh!

Steven: *Gasps* Amethyst!

Amethyst: *Dodging attacks from the hand* Wah! *Summons weapon, wraps whip around the middle finger of the hand, and is pulled into the hands grip* *Grunting* Huh?

Me: I'm right behind ya! *The hand grabs me*

Steven: Marble!

Pearl: Amethyst, shape-shift! Get small or... something!

Amethyst: I can't! I'm freaking out! You do it!

Pearl: I can't concentra- *The hand releases Pearl, who spins in midair, then the hand clamps down tightly on her again* Aah! Unh! This is all my fault! I never should have had that bubble!

Amethyst: It wouldn't have popped if it wasn't for me!

Steven: We should've told Garnet! We should've told her right away! I knew Secret Team was wrong! I just— I wanted to see you guys acting like friends! *Garnet rises out of the water he gasps* Garnet? (The black hands releases us, but they reveal to be Garnet's hands as she shape-shifts them back to normal)

Pearl: What?

Amethyst: Huh?

Me: What they said?

Garnet: So, you two can't get along unless you think I'm going to kill you.

Me: Wait. If this was all just to get Pearl and Amethyst to work together, why did ya get me involved in this?

Garnet: You didn't know because you were caught in the middle. Besides, I want them fall for my ruse.

Me: Well, you could've just ask.

Garnet: I didn't want ruin the surprise.

Me: No one tells me anything.

Garnet: *crouches down in front of Steven* Steven, I know you wanted to help them. You wanted to protect them, even from me. They made you feel like you had to take their side. But there are no sides, because we're all on the same team — The Crystal Gems! (rips V. coupon and drops it, we do the same to our coupons)

Steven: You know what? Between the four of us... We could've had a free pizza.


	19. Year 1 - Fusion Cuisine

**Year 1: Fusion Cuisine**

[Trans. int. Beach House]

Me: She said WHAT!?

Steven: *Pacing in front of the Crystal Gems and me* How am I supposed to choose just one of you to bring to dinner? You're all so... cool!

Pearl: Why does it have to be dinner? We get all the energy we need from our gems, and while our human constructs are capable of eating, I find it very uncomfortable.

Amethyst: I love eating! *Chuckles* Feels weird. *pulls out chips from bag then munches on them, and Garnet brushes the crumbs off her sleeve*

Steven: Okay, okay, okay. Let's focus.

Me: Okay mind if you get me all caught up with the situation here?

Steven: Well, Connie said she can't come over to my house anymore until her parents meet up with my parents in a nice dinner at the clam shack. The problem is that I'm having a hard time choosing which one of you should be the mom. Okay, okay, okay. Let's focus. Which of you would make the best and most nuclear mom? Garnet, you keep us safe by scaring off the bad guys, just like a mom would. (Garnet says nothing.) But you're not the best conversationalist. Amethyst, you would be a super fun mom! (Amethyst is still Munching on the chips, while picking her nose and drooling) Can moms be gross?

Amethyst: Why not? *Pulls a strand of mucus out of her nose*

Steven: Pearl! You're always worried about me, you teach me lots of stuff, you're approachable, and you're, like, totally not gross. (Amethyst is still munching and her nose is still running)

Pearl: Uh...*nauseous look*

Steven: ...But you can't eat dinner. *I wave my hand rapidly*

Me: Oh! Oh! Me! Me!

Steven: Yes, Marble?

Me: The answer to your mom problem is staring you right at the face. (I smile and point to my face. Steven pondered for a second and then gets an idea)

Steven: Why didn't I think of this before? It's so obvious! You can all come to dinner—all three of you, fused into one! *Snaps finger*

Pearl: What?!

Amethyst: Whoa!

Greg: What?

Me: WHAT!?

Pearl: Steven, you know we only fuse in deadly situations!

Steven: It'd be like—like I'm actually bringing my whole family!

Me: Steven! When I said the answer is staring you in the face, I meant you should take ME!

Garnet: Fusion is serious magic, not a trick for dinner parties.

Steven: I know. Then I guess this is it. I'll never get to see Connie again. Oh, Connie! I'll never know a star that shines as bright as you. *Crying*

Garnet: *Sighs* We have no choice.

Me: Well, what about me? No way I'm getting up in this.

Steven: *Stops crying* Hmmm...

(later that night, at the restaurant)

Dr. Maheswaran: (Slow piano music is playing as Mr. Maheswaran groans) We've been waiting for nearly 20 minutes.

[Rumbling and gulls are crying]

Mr. Maheswaran: Uh... Oh.

Steven: *on Alexandrite's shoulder* Hi, Connie! Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Maheswaran! (Alexandrite lowers Me, Greg, and Steven)

Greg: Thanks...honeybun...?

Alexandrite: You're welcome... Greg.

Greg: I'm Greg Universe. And this massive drink of water is my wife, Alexandrite.

Alexandrite: *Awkwardly* Hi-i-i-i-i-i.

Me: (I'm wearing a pink tank top with red shorts and a pony tail. Looking annoyed) I'm his darling daughter Marble...

Dr. Maheswaran: Why is your name Marble? And what is wrong with your skin?

Me: If you live in a dysfunctional family like mine, it's better not to ask questions.

[Time Skip—later during dinner]

(Later, Alexandrite is munching on 6 breadsticks)

Mr. Maheswaran: I hope this place has unlimited breadsticks.

Dr. Maheswaran: Don't be rude.

Alexandrite: *Munching continues* Bleh. *Sticks tongue out, showing chewed up breadsticks*

Greg: *Chuckles nervously* Isn't my wife a riot? *Chuckles nervously, then lightly elbow bumps me*

Me: Oh yeah! Good one mom!

Dr. Maheswaran: So, tell me—how did you two meet?

Greg: Huh? How did we meet? Well, we, um-

Steven: *Standing up from his seat* They met on a roller coaster! *Connie mouths 'what'* She was too tall to ride! *Connie shakes her head in disapproval*

Greg: Uh... *chuckles nervously, then laughs nervously* I remember it like it was yesterday. Right, honey? *Places hand on her leg and laughs nervously* Eh... *Whispers* sorry.

Alexandrite: *Slams Greg's face onto table* Have some more breadsticks... dear.

Mr. Maheswaran: Uh *coughs* what is it that you two do for a living, Mr. and Mrs. Universe?

Greg: Well, you see, I own a local car wash, and my sweet, dear wife here-

Steven: My mom works on an apple farm! (Connie sighs and slams head onto table)

Dr. Maheswaran: What did we say about heads on the table? (Connie raises her head slightly)

Me: My mom and dad don't see each other often. But dad tells us lots of stories about mom's work.

Steven: She uses all her arms to pick apples out of huge trees. *Chuckles nervously*

Greg: Well, you know what they say—an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Alexandrite: Yes, I hate doctors.

Dr. Maheswaran: Well, I'm a doctor.

Connie: Steven, help me find the restroom!

After Steven and Connie had a little chat in the Clam Shack, came the really hard part of our plan...the dinner.

Connie: So, Steven was telling me that on his mom's apple farm, they're bioengineering a gala-fuji hybrid. (Waiter places food on the table.)

Me: Geshundheit.

Steven: Yes, that's definitely true.

Connie: Isn't that right, Mrs. Universe?

Alexandrite: *Picks up popcorn shrimp and sniffs* Ugh! *One hand smooshes the shrimp against her face* What are you doing? *Another hand slaps her in the face* I'm hungry! *A second mouth appears below her face* I don't think so. Cut it out, you two. *Starts fighting herself and grunting* Grrrrr-ugh! *Uppercuts self and chomps on a hand*

Steven: Stop! You don't have to eat it! (Alexandrite moaning and her face begins to crack; the Maheswarans all gasp as Alexandrite unfuses)

Me*Nervously* Hey Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl! Nice to see you here...

Pearl: Steven! *Crawls towards him* Ohh. Thank you so much. You don't know how horrified I was when that dreck nearly fell into our mouths. Eating food is so disgusting! You chew it into nasty mush, swallow that goop, and it comes out of you? What a completely horrid experience!

Amethyst: Uh, speak for yourself. Ha! I love it when mush passes through my body.

Garnet: It doesn't matter what you two think. We're doing this for Steven! *summons gauntlets and hits them both on the head*

Mr. Maheswaran: What is going on here? Who are they?!

Me: I can explain... *Points to Steven* It was Steven's idea!

Dr. Maheswaran: I knew I should have trusted my bad feelings about this new friend of yours, but I never thought I wouldn't be able to trust my own daughter. *Connie runs off*

Steven: Connie! *runs after her*

Me: I'll go after them... (runs off to find the kids, but came right back seconds later) They're gone.

[Trans. Int. bus]

Steven: Where's this bus taking us?

Connie: Wherever we end up. We'll find a way to survive. I've been reading about sustainable living.

Steven: Maybe it'll take us to a real apple farm!

Connie: What's up with you and apples today? *thumping is heard*

Steven and Connie: Huh? (They look out the window and see that Alexandrite is running after the bus)

Alexandrite: Steve-e-e-n! *A second mouth appears below her face*

Steven and Connie: Aaaaaah!

Alexandrite: *Picks up the bus* You two, come out of that bus this instant!

Steven: Aah! Okay! J-just put the bus down first.

[back at The Crab Shack]

Dr. Maheswaran: I don't even know where to begin with you, young la-

Pearl: What were you thinking, running off with Connie like that? You could have gotten yourselves hurt!

Garnet: Or gotten mangled in traffic.

Amethyst: Or thrown in prison.

Me: Or gotten kidnapped and held for ransom.

Pearl: Steven, you are in very big trouble, and we have no choice but to punish you.

Steven: But...

Garnet: No dinner for 1,000 years.

Steven: 1,000? *sad expression*

Pearl: We would never starve you, but you will lose your TV privileges... for 1,000 years.

Steven: No! The midseason pre-finale of "Under the Knife"! How can you do this to me?! *cries slightly*

Greg: *Disapproving look* Because we love you, Steven. (Steven groans)

Me: You know, none of this would've happened if you'd just taken me.

Gems: Marble!

Me: Just saying.

Dr. Maheswaran: Wow. That was a masterful use of the "because we love you" shutdown. I'm quite partial to the "It's for your own good" myself.

Mr. Maheswaran: That "1,000 years of no dinner" bit *chuckles* was pretty funny. *Laughs*

Garnet: All comedy is derived from fear.

Mr. Maheswaran: *Laughs* You are too much.

Dr. Maheswaran: I did not know what to make of the two of—excuse me—four of you, but I see that you are responsible parents—uh, caregivers? Guardians.

Connie: So, I can still hang out with Steven?

Dr. Maheswaran: Sure.

Steven: Alright! *laughs and hugs Connie* *Mr Maheswaran grunts and separates Steven and Connie*

[End]


	20. Year 1 - Warp Tour

**Year 1: Warp Tour**

[At a Flower Meadow]

Me: That has to be the easiest mission we've ever done ladies.

Pearl: I can't believe that went so well!

Amethyst: That was kinda great when you hit it with your spear and it went, like, "bing-bong!" *makes explosion sounds*

Pearl: *blushes* And the way you were circling around it almost looked like strategy.

Amethyst: *laughs and blushes* Well, you know, I can do that stuff, too.

Pearl: And Marble, you never told us you can change the size of your axe!

Me: There's a lot you don't know about me. (Garnet emerges from a meadow bubbling and warping a gemstone, Steven follows with a runny nose and eyes.)

Steven: Wait up! *out of breath* Sorry I couldn't help much, I think the flowers are making me— *sneezes on Garnet's hip*

Steven: Sorry, Garnet.

Garnet: I'll live.

Me: Looks like our friend's come down with a cold.

Pearl: No, It's just a common allergy. Steven, you're supposed to sneeze into your antecubital fossa.

Steven: My what?

Me: Your elbow, Steven. (Steven looks at his elbow as they warp out.)

Steven: *gasping* Ah-ahh!

Amethyst: Do it at Pearl! *points at Pearl*

Pearl: Steven, your fossa!

Me: Your elbow!

Steven: Ah-CHOO! (Steven is propelled upward and his head sticks out of the warp stream.)

Pearl: Oh!

Steven: Waah! Wha? *breathing heavily* Whoa. (Steven floats partially out of the warp stream and is able to see Warp Space. He then sees another warp stream carrying a small object.)

Steven: Huh? Waah!

Pearl: *pulling Steven back into the stream* Careful! It's dangerous to stick your head out of the stream!

Garnet: There's not much air, and it's very cold. *flicks frozen snot off Steven's nostrils*

Steven: You guys, I saw something out there!

Pearl: What?

Steven: Something warping!

Me: Something other than us warping? Surely you jest.

Pearl: Is your vision blurry from the pollen?

Steven: I can see perfectly, *squints* Pearl. I know there's something out there!

Garnet: There's nothing out there, Steven. There hasn't been anything else for a long, long time.

Steven couldn't stop thinking about what he saw on the way home. What was on that other warp, better question is who. All night he kept himself awake, staring at that warp. Figuring that figure would show its face here.

[The next morning]

(Steven is asleep, leaning against the front door, water gun in hand.)

Pearl: *sing-song* Steven~ *poking Steven* We've got a surprise for you... (Startled, Steven squirts Pearl)

Steven: Oh, Pearl.

Garnet: *standing next to Pearl, holding a tray of cookies* Now you're not getting any cookies.

Amethyst: Cookies?! I'll take 'em! *Garnet whistles as Amethyst and I grab the tray of cookies and munches them*

Garnet: Slow down, you two.

Me: Got milk?

Steven: I'm sorry, Pearl. I just, I guess I didn't...

Garnet: Didn't sleep. (She has a finger on her chin pensively.)

Steven: *yawns* Maybe.

Pearl: Oh, Steven! *wipes water out of eye* This isn't about the thing you think you saw outside the warp stream yesterday, is it?

Steven: But it was real! Something was warping somewhere in the warp!

Pearl: *puts both hands on Steven's cheeks* Listen. Nothing on Earth can use the warps but us. Do you understand? (Steven looks away.) Steven, nod in agreement if you understand. Nod in agreement—

Garnet: I'm confident Pearl is right. *both look at Garnet* But if it'll make you feel better, we can just go check. (Steven removes Pearl's hands off of his cheeks and nods, smiling gratefully.)

(Steven warps the gems back to the meadow.)

Garnet: Nothing unusual.

Steven: Ah-ahh - Ahh-choo!

Garnet: Bless you. (Steven warps the gems and me to the geode.)

Pearl: Nothing here, either. And the geode is holding nicely.

Me: Gotta hand it to Greg. That's some sturdy tape. (Steven warps the gems to the Sky Spire.) And I've see Steven Jr's been busy. (Steven Jr. is seen nearby with kids.)

Amethyst: (to Steven) *laughs* This makes you a grandpa!

Garnet: *rubs Steven's head gently* Congratulations.

Steven: Hey! We're getting off task here!

Pearl: We've looked all over! There's nothing out here to find!

Steven: *mumbles and rolls eyes* But you're wrong..

Pearl: Excuse me?!

Steven: *looks at Pearl* I-I mean...

Pearl: Nothing on Earth can use these warps but us!

Steven: Well, what if it came from space?

Pearl: I-... don't appreciate your tone.

Me: Now hold on you two. Save the argument for the last stop on our tour...

(Steven warps with the gems and me to the Galaxy Warp.)

Pearl: *walks towards to the Homeworld warp* These are the warps that once connected us to other planets. If something tried to come from space, it would be through here. But wait! This warp pad is broken, marked inactive by the very depressed cartoon breakfast sticker you placed here yourself!

Amethyst: *walks up to Steven* Look, Pearl's right, like usual. Ugh! You get used to it.

Garnet: *places hand on Steven's head, Steven grabs it and looks up at her* We're safe.

Steven: *looks at Homeworld warp* Well, I guess so. (Steven places his hand beside the Crying Breakfast Friends sticker, unhappy. all, except Steven, sigh in relief.)

Amethyst: Oh, man! Finally! That took all day.

Me: You said it Am. How many times must we go on that warp before someone gets airsick?

Garnet: It was important to make Steven feel secure.

Pearl: Yes, Steven feels much better now. (Steven gets angrier as they speak.)

Steven: I'm a little tired...

Me: Come on, little guy. Let's get you-

Steven: (He gets up and faces the Gems.) ...of you guys telling me how I feel! I know I saw something outside the stream!

Pearl: And I know you didn't!

(Pearl and Steven argue.)

Amethyst: Uh, this is new. I kind of like it.

Pearl: *rolling her eyes* Steven, you just don't know what you're talking about.

Steven: It sounds like... maybe _you don't know what I'm talking about!_

Me: Burn! *Pearl gives me a sour look* Too soon?

Pearl: *frustrated* Ugh!

Garnet: *getting in between them* Okay, Steven, that's enough. Let it go.

So we went back home with a stubborn Steven on our hands. He was still determined that he saw something on that warp. And somebody out there, and I'm afraid you can't guess, might happen to agree with Pearl and us. There can't be someone else using that warp. Well there can, and there is, because Steven was right...

(Flask Robonoid crashes through ceiling.)

Steven: *gasps* *laughing* You were the thing in the warp stream! *looking at the hole in the ceiling* You did come from space! *gasps* You're trying to get to the warp pad, aren't ya? (The robot tries to get around Steven.) Amethyst, come back! (The robonoid knocks him back and lands on his chest.) Oof! I knew it! I did see something! Guys! I was right! (The robonoid tries to shoot Steven with a green goo.) Waah! Guys! Come on! Check this out! (It continues to attack him.) Ow! Unh! (Steven grabs one of its legs and throws it at the warp pad.) Aah! Sorry! Huh?

(The robonoid, now cracked, fixes the crack it made in the warp pad with its goo, then activates it.)

Steven: Oh, no, you don't! (Steven and I leap onto the robot.) Garnet! Amethyst! Marble! Pe-e-e-arl! (The warp activates.) Where are you going?! Huh? (More of robots appear.) Y-you're coming from all over? (They all start to push Steven.) Ow! Hey! Stop it! Whoa! (Steven's head is forced out of the stream, he looks out and sees a dozen other warp streams carrying robonoids.) Unh! Huh? *trying to force his way back in* I won't let you- (Steven is forced out of the stream and floats away, still clutching a robonoid.) *gasping for breath, then shivering* I was right. *chuckles weakly* And now I'm gonna die... a tired, frozen little... sad sack. *hears warp stream activating* Huh?

(Garnet grabs Steven as he floats, Steven shivers then gasps for air while holding on to Garnet.)

Garnet: Take deep breaths. *picking up the robot* So, this is what you saw.

Steven: *tearfully* I don't care about that!

Garnet: I do. *wipes a tear from her eye* I should've listened to you. *smiling* You're a Crystal Gem, too. (Steven grins at Garnet gratefully.)

Pearl: Steven, *catching up to them in the warp stream* are you okay?! Amethyst heard the Warp Pad activate, and Garnet followed you, then you were floating outside the stream and- *looks at the robot* Uh... What is that?

Steven: You don't know?

Amethyst: Whoooah, that thing's far out.

Me: Can I keep it?

Steven: It's some kind of space robot. There were tons of them! And it looked like they were all going to the same place. (As Steven and Gems arrive at the Galaxy Warp, the robonoid drops on the ground and walks up towards the Homeworld warp. All robonoids are shooting goo on the Homeworld warp)

Pearl: What are they doing to the Homeworld warp?!

Amethyst: There's a million of them! (The robonoids back off as the Homeworld warp appears good as new.) They fixed it?!

Steven: *looks at Amethyst* What does that mean? (Pearl cuts between Garnet and Amethyst.)

Pearl: *gasps* I... don't know! (The Homeworld warp activates, all gasp.)

Me: Something, or someone's coming! (Garnet grabs the Gems and hides behind one tall rock. An unidentified gem arrives, looks around, and gently stomps on the Homeworld warp.)

?: Hmm.

Pearl: *whispering* Who is that?

Garnet: *whispering* No idea.

?: *opening a screen* Log date: 312. This is Peridot, performing Earth hub maintenance check. (A robonoid crawls up on to her shoulder.)

Steven: Peridot. Her name is Peridot! (Pearl and Amethyst cover his mouth.)

Peridot: Warp repair a success. All 79 flask robonoids deployed and accounted for. Preparing to locate and manually reactivate Kindergar— (gasps as the damaged robonoid tries to crawl up her leg, then lies down and rolls back and forth.)

Peridot: Now to access the domestic warp. (She walks down the stairs.) Huh? *picks up the Crying Breakfast Friends sticker* Huh. *looks around* This site may have been compromised. *walks back on the Homeworld warp and places a green bleeping stone as she warps*

Me: Well, were screwed...

Pearl: *fearful* They're coming back! I can't do this! *covers her face with hands* Not again!

Amethyst: We're dead! We are so dead!

Steven: Was that another gem? Where did she come from? What was she trying to do? (Garnet starts to walk up towards the Homeworld warp.) Huh?

Garnet: It doesn't matter. *summons giant gauntlets*

Steven and Amethyst: Whoah... (Everyone stares at Garnet as she smashes the Homeworld warp.)

Garnet: *grunting* She's not coming back!

Oh, she'll be back alright. And I have a feeling that next time, she won't be alone...


	21. Year 1 - Alone Together

**Year 1: Alone Together**

Today, Steven was having a lession in fusion. And as you folks know, in fusion it's important to have a close bond with your partner to make a perfect combination. And today we were introduced to Steven's first fusion.

[Trans. Int. Steven's Kitchen]

Steven: *carrying a towel around his neck* I don't get it, I thought I almost had it.

Pearl: *walks in and leans against the island counter* Nobody expects you to be able to perform fusion right away, Steven.

Amethyst: *trots in and hops on top of the counter* Yeah! It's really hard, even for us.

Garnet: *enters and leans against the cabinets* Not for me.

Me: Easy for you to say...

Pearl: We'll keep working on the dance for now, and who knows, in a few years... *pauses and put finger on chin* I wonder, though, if Steven's body is capable of fusion. Fusion merges the physical forms of gems, but Steven is half-human. He's organic.

Steven: *pops in* Organic?

Me: It means you can't fuse, Steven.

Amethyst: Aw, come on! It's Steven! *in a funny voice* Who knows what's gonna happen? *laughs heartily*

Garnet: *walks forward and stands next to Steven* Well, I think Steven can do it. *looks over at Steven*

(Steven looks back up at Garnet with a worried expression. Steven walks away)

Pearl: Alright everyone, from the top.

Me: You guys go on without me. I'm going out for a power walk. *goes outside*

So I went out for a stroll around the beach, I stopped when I heard music playing.

Me: *thoughts* Sounds like someone's havin' a party. Without me?

I went over to source to the music then I saw something glowing, I figured this party had a light show so rushed over and saw something that interested me.

Me: *looks around and sees nothing* Man this party's dead. *Sees a mysterious and yet familiar figure struggling to get up* Except for her. *I walk up to her* Hey lady, are you- (The fusion throws their hands up in the air laughing and begins to run around the beach. Stevonnie trips and falls behind a rock. They quickly pop up looking determined.)

?: I have to show everybody. *Runs off*

Me: Oooh...kay? Weird.

[Meanwhile]

(Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst stare at the fusion with surprised looks on their faces.)

?: Pretty cool, right?

Pearl: He fused? With his friend Connie?

Amethyst: *laughs* *leans over* Pearl, look at Garnet.

(Garnet has her hands clasped together and a huge grin on her face.)

Pearl: (She examines the fusion) This is unprecedented. A Gem fusing with a human being? It's impossible! Or at the very least inappropriate.

Amethyst: *while laughing* Wow! You two look great together! How does it feel Steven? Connie? ... Stevonnie?

Stevonnie: It feels amazing!

Pearl: *uncomfortable* Yes. Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourselves, but you two should un-fuse this instant.

Stevonnie: Wait. What? *straightens up, serious* Pearl. You were so worried Steven wouldn't be able to do this. Aren't you proud of him?

Pearl: Of.. course I am! I - *looks at Garnet with a worried look on her face* - Garnet, help me out here.

Garnet: Stevonnie. *walks up to Stevonnie; Amethyst and Pearl back away* Listen to me. *cups Stevonnie's face in hand* You are not two people. And you are not one person. You... are an experience! Make sure you're a good experience. Now... Go!... Have!... Fun! *grins*

Much later Stevonnie was enjoying the night as a beautiful fusion. And with that I met up with that little mystery once again.

Me: Enjoying ourselves are we? *Stevonnie looks up and sees me*

Stevonnie: Oh, hey Marble.

Me: You know me?

Stevonnie: Yeah, I've always knew you.

Me: Wow. My own number one fan. I'm flattered!

Stevonnie: No, it's me. Ste- *Stomach growls*

Me: Say no more. Let me treat you to the finest dining establishment in town.

[Trans. Int. Big Donut]

(Sadie and Lars are in the middle of a conversation. They are huddled together. Both of them are leaning on the counter. Lars is smiling; Sadie is not.)

Sadie: No -

Lars: - Sure!

Sadie: Lars -

Lars: - I don't - I don't think that's -

Sadie: - Seriously -

Lars: - Okay! -

Sadie: - He's very nice.

(Door chimes. Stevonnie and I walk into the shop, Stevonnie's hair was still wet from swimming in the ocean. Sadie and Lars both stare at Stevonnie with wide eyes. Stevonnie walks up to the counter.)

Lars: *blushing and stammering* Ha- ha- how can I - help... me?

(Sadie and Lars blush. Lars sweats a little. Stevonnie flips their hair and squeezes some water out of it.)

Stevonnie: Two doughnuts. Please.

(Sadie and Lars are still staring. Sadie's mouth is slightly open. Lars reaches into the case with a round and slightly deformed head and drops a bag of two doughnuts on the counter with tiny fingers/hands. Stevonnie moves even closer to the counter, holding some Dollar Bills and Coins. Lars nervously stares at Stevonnie, unsure of what to do.)

Stevonnie: What do I owe you?

Lars: Uh- ah- uhhhh-

(Sadie is still blushing and slams her hands onto the counter. Stevonnie and Lars both look at her in surprise.)

Sadie: Oh nothing! *looks away and gently pushes Stevonnie's hand aside* It's on the house.

Me: *grabs bag* Free donuts? *To Stevonnie* You're alright with me, girl. (We walk off. Stevonnie pauses at the door)

Stevonnie: But just so you know - *looks back at Lars and Sadie over her shoulder* - that isn't a very sound business practice.

(Sadie and Lars stare at Stevonnie, stunned. Both are wide-eyed with their mouths wide open. The door chimes and closes behind Stevonnie. The 'OPEN' sign swings into place and obscures Sadie and Lars' faces.)

[Trans. Int. The Boardwalk]

(Stevonnie is walking, reaching into the doughnut bag.)

Stevonnie: Sweet, two doughnuts! One for me and one... for... uh-

Me: Me?

Stevonnie: Uhm yeah, I guess so... *Gives me a donut* (Stevonnie focuses on the two donuts, one in her hands and one in my hands. We sit down on a wooden bench) Are you okay? *blinks* We can stop if you... (Stevonnie touches her donut with mine) No. No. (Stevonnie looks to the side.) Don't worry.

(Stevonnie takes another bite and looks off into middle distance. Sour Cream walks into frame. Stevonnie feels someone's presence and looks up in surprise)

Me: Sup, Sour Cream.

Sour Cream: Hey Marble. Who's your friend?

Me: Hm. (To Stevonnie) You know, I didn't really catch your name.

Stevonnie: Ste...vonnie. Stevonnie.

Me: Hm, weird name. So what's the deal, Cream?

Sour Cream: Rave tonight.*hands Stevonnie a flier*

Stevonnie: *reads flier* Like, a dance?

Sour Cream: *blushing* Yeah, at the warehouse. I'm DJ-ing, and a bunch of my friends from the internet are gonna be there. There's gonna be free... glow sticks...

Me: What do ya' say Stevonnie? Felling lucky?

Stevonnie: Yes! I'll definitely be there! Yes. Thanks!

(Stevonnie and I exit stage right.)

Sour Cream: *flustered* Cool.

Stevonnie and I then made our way to the abandoned warehouse where the rave was in full swing. Little did I know that there was a surprise waiting for me in there...

(Stevonnie and I are still hanging out by the entrance)

Me: First rave?

Stevonnie: Yeah.

Me: Stick with me kid. I pretty much own the action here. (Stevonnie puts on a brave face and steps forward. Members of the crowd pause as Stevonnie passes them. Stevonnie walks up to Jenny and Buck and begins to dance. Jenny and Buck stop dancing and back away, but Stevonnie doesn't notice and continues to dance fantastically.) Way to work it girl! (I dance as well)

Sour Cream: *watches Stevonnie dancing* I'm amazing... *adds a sweet descant to the beat*

(Stevonnie has an inadvertent dance solo. Stevonnie twirls, knee-slides, and flips their hair. Sparkles seem to appear with every move they make. After launching themselves and twisting in the air, Stevonnie lands with satisfied sigh. Stevonnie stands up and notices everybody in the room staring. I continue to dance, the crowd notices me and I stop)

Me: What? Who killed the music?

The poor girl was scared and confused, her dancing may be cool but it just made her stand out from the other teens. This was starting frighten Stevonnie.

Me: *I walk up to her* Hey kid. You alright. *A teen pushes me out of the way*

Kevin: Step aside lady. (Kevin sizes Stevonnie up.) Hey, baby.

Stevonnie: Huh?

Kevin: *leans in and offers Stevonnie his hand* Get ready. *slides around Stevonnie* it's Kevin Time. *smirks*

Kevin started dancing in a way so uncomfortable, Stevonnie felt more and more unsure.

(Stevonnie runs off of the dance floor and, bent over, leans against a wall to catch their breath. I run up to her.)

Me: Stevonnie? Stevonnie are you okay?

Stevonnie: *pants* I don't understand what's wrong. You have fun dancing but this dance isn't fun. You're supposed to like this. Why- don't we like this? (Stevonnie sighs and stands up.) *sad* I wish you were here. *anxiously crosses arms and slumps against the wall* If we were together, it would be okay. But we are together, and it's not. *voice quivers* I'm alone. *closes eyes*

Me: You're not alone...*Stevonnie looks up to me* You got me. (Stevonnie smiles for a second, then Kevin pushes me out of his way)

Kevin: Yeah, that's cute. (To Stevonnie) Now where were we?

Stevonnie: How can you do that to her?!

Kevin: She's not important, not like us. Now, why'd you leave me on the dance floor?

Stevonnie: *nervous* I don't - *pushes Kevin's hands away, becomes stern* I don't want to dance anymore.

Kevin: What are you talking about? *brushes fingers through his bangs* We're the best thing that's ever happened to this place. Come back out with me.

Stevonnie: *defiant* Why should I?

Kevin: *patronizing tone* Because we're angels walking among garbage people. We're perfect for each other.

Me: *I stand up* Garbage!? Who you callin'- *Kevin kicks me*

Stevonnie: *angry* How can you say that!? You don't even know us!

Kevin: Oh, whoa. I'm just looking for a dance! *accusatory* Don't get crazy.

Stevonnie: No one is crazy. I just don't like feeling alone here!

Kevin: If you're so lonely, then dance with me!

Stevonnie: Ugh! Fine. *glaring* You wanna dance? Let's go.

I struggle to get up while Stevonnie and Kevin were at the dance floor. The girl was dancing furiously, kicking and punching the air while grunting forcefully.

Me: That's it, Mr. Angel! I'm sick and tired of you treatin' us ladies like that! And If you think I'm gonna lay down and let you prance around with my friend you are- (Stevonnie's gem begins to glow. Stevonnie disappears and Steven and Connie fall to the ground, stunned) Um... (The crowd notices the commotion. Kevin, still blue in the face, is taken aback. Jenny, Buck, and the rest of the party goers gasp at the sudden dissolution of Stevonnie.)

Kevin: *holds up both hands* It's two kids! I'm out. *exits*

Me: Well...

Steven: *sits up* We're back...

Steven and Connie started laughing and danced around as the party continued. I was still speechless about the fact that I've just discovered Steven and Connie's fusion. Well, I have nothing to say...

I'll just leave this for an incredibly different story, for an Incredibly different time...


	22. Year 1 - On the Run

**Year 1 - On The Run**

Ever since that faithful day we met Peridot, we've been more alert than ever. The gems and I were on patrol for Peri's pet robonoids so they won't try to fix anymore warps and she won't try to get away. Though after that, someone was planning to get away, away from a haunted past...

[Whirring from Warp Pad]

Steven: *runs over the table, towards the warp pad* You're back! *notices the marble-robots in the Gems' hands* Hey, it's those things from the Galaxy Warp. Why'd you bring them home?

Pearl: We can't have them reactivating and fixing the Homeworld Warp.

Amethyst: Hey Steven, check this out! *pops the robonoid in her hand, sending blue liquid everywhere* Kabloosh!

Me: *giggles* It looks like toothpaste!

Pearl: *wet with goo* Amethyst, please! This is serious! We need to understand these things, not squash them. If Homeworld Gems are trying to return to Earth... *panicked* THEY HAVE TO BE STOPPED!

Garnet: Pearl, calm down. We're still cut off. The Earth is safe.

Steven: Safe from what? What do the Homeworld Gems want to do?

Pearl: Steven, a very long time ago, Gems tried to do something... very bad. It was something that would have damaged the Earth. Some Gems, like your mother, Garnet, and myself, felt that this was unfair to the life that already existed here, and so we swore to never let the Earth be used for their... purposes. Even if it meant- (Amethyst glares and angrily smashes another robonoid underneath her foot.) *groans* Even if it meant we could never go home.

Garnet: We chose Earth.

Me: And we stood here ever since.

Steven: Wait a sec, so that means... we're just like the No Home Boys!

Pearl: The wha-?

Steven: The No Home Boys! It's a book series about these boys who have no home. So they travel around the country, living in boxcars, and riding river rafts, solving mysteries! They had a successful run, until the disastrous graphic novel adaptation. But my favorite story is this classic one where the no home boys are chased across the countryside by a mysterious pursuer, which turns out to be the very fear resting within themselves.

Pearl: Steven, we are not like the no home boys. We are literally standing in your home right now.

Me: I'll fix that! (I hold out a detonator, Garnet snatches it away from me)

Garnet: No you won't!

Steven: Aw, I wish I was a no home boy. No past, no future, just the open road!

Me: You know, I wouldn't mind a get away from those sticks in the mud.

Amethyst: Yeah, sounds like fun. Let's do it.

Steven: Really?!

Amethyst: Yeah. Let's run!

And so it was just the three of us, hikin' the rails, cuttin' the cord, hittin' the road. Leaving all of our worries behind us. And might I say it was exhilerating exploring the world, and pursuing our dreams.

That evening, while we were relaxing in a bustling train.

Steven: *inhales deeply, about to eat food* (The raccoon attacks him, takes his food, and hops off the train again.) Aah! Aah! The raccoon is back! (pants as the raccoon eats Steven's food and runs away)

Me: You know you could've just brought your backpack.

Steven: But wouldn't fit in my bindle. (I sigh) Hmm... nothing I can do about it now. *climbs onto a hay stack* Maybe I can just sleep this hunger off. Just like the no home boys. *looks at the hay stack above him* You know, I feel like I've been misled about hay. It always looks so soft in those illustrations, but it's actually really scratchy. (The train bumps and a hay stack falls on top of him.) Amethyst, I want to go home now. (He watches as Amethyst sits in front of the doorway of the train, ignoring him.) Amethyst? *Steven sits next to her* I'm done pretending to be a no home boy.

Amethyst: Not me.

Me: I'm good.

Steven: I'm sure Garnet and Pearl are worried sick about us. Wondering when we're coming home.

Me: I'm sure there fine. They probably didn't know we were missing.

Amethyst: Yeah, and besides... That's not my home.

Steven: But— Oh, that's right. You're from Homeworld.

Amethyst: *angrily* That's not my home either!

Steven: Then where are you from?

Me: Umm, that's a delicate topic. I'm not sure that you want to-

Amethyst: You really want to know? (Steven nods)

Me: I do not like where this is going.

Soon, we reach a desolate rocky canyon, bleak and grey and full of used gem drills. This is what we gems call a Kindergarten. Sure, you humans think that kindergartens are just schools that toddlers go to. But round here, we do things differently.

Amethyst: Here we are! *chuckles* Welcome to the Kindergarten! What do you think?

Steven: Uh... It's great!

Amethyst: Sure is!

Me: Well , it's been great strollin' down memory lane but we really gotta get back to the temple! (I push the two away, but Amethyst stops me)

Amethyst: Come on Marbs, we just got here.

Me: And there's no way I'm staying! *Amethyst chuckles while she grabs both me and Steven's arms*

Amethyst: You big baby!

[In the Kindergarten]

Steven: What is this place?

Amethyst: It's kinda where I'm from.

Steven: But I thought Gems were from space?

Amethyst: Pearl and Garnet are, but Marble and I were made here on Earth, *smiles* like you! *looks at me* Right buddy!

Me: I choose not to talk about it...

Amethyst: *gasps* Check it out! *runs to a giant rock* *laughing* Oh, man. I missed this guy. Aww! It's my climbing rock.

Steven: *to the climbing rock* Uh, hello!

Amethyst: *points to slightly smaller rock* And over there— That's the sitting rock. *points to offscreen rocks* And that was the one rock that I kicked into two rocks! *climbs the climbing rock and sits atop it*

Steven: Uh, how long did you live here?

Amethyst: For a while, I guess, um, at least until I met your mom and the others. *flops off of rock, then runs further into the Kindergarten*

Steven: *notices Injector* Woah! What is that thing?

Amethyst: Eh, it's just some old Gem junk, from a long time ago. It's probably busted by now. *walks to the right while Steven looks worriedly at the machines* *chuckles* *motions to a hole in the side of the cliff* Hey, guys. Look. Here's the hole I came out of!

Steven: Hang on. What?

Amethyst: It's my hole. *chuckles and slides into the entrance of the hole* Look— It's me-si-i-i-i-i-ized. *slides into the hole and sits* *sighs* Still got that good hole smell.

Steven: You came out of this hole?

Amethyst: This is where I was made, dude. One day just... *makes pop sound* ... Right outta this hole.

Steven: *glances up at holes higher up on the cliffside* So, what about the other holes?

Me: There will be no more questions, we have reached the end of our tour! Please make your way to the available exits and please be sure to stop by our gift shop! *I grab Steven and walk away*

Steven: But weren't you made here Marble?

Me: Amethyst and I came from different Kindergartens, Steven.

Steven: But why do you wanna leave?

Me: Let's just say I get a bad vibe from this place and leave it at that!

Amethyst: Come on, Marble! Don't be a Pearl! (A warp pad whirs, Pearl appears) Speak of the devil...

Pearl: There you are.

Amethyst: Great. *exits hole* Here comes the fun police.

Me: Oh good, there's a warp pad. How did you find us anyway?

Pearl: Garnet said you'd be here, but I didn't want to believe it. What were you two thinking bringing Steven to a *whispers* Kindergarten!?

Me: Hey! I didn't wanna come here in the first place! I was dragged to this adventure, by my own sense of adventure, but it was her idea of getting us here!

Steven: Pearl? Was Amethyst and Marble really made here?

Me: *Offscreen* Seperate kindergartens!

Pearl: How much did you tell them?

Amethyst: What? You mean about the bad thing? How this bad place is where bad Gems came to grow more bad Gems? Is that what you're talking about?

Me: Please no...

Steven: They grew other Gems here?!

Pearl: Amethyst! He's not ready!

Amethyst: Oh, but don't worry, Steven. Everything's just fine now.

Me: You wouldn't!

Amethyst: It all worked out. We won!

Pearl: Stop.

Amethyst: And we shut this place down...

Me: Please!

Amethyst: ...so the Earth would be safe from parasites like me!

Me: Amethyst, stop! You're scaring him!

Pearl: Steven, I'm sorry. I never wanted you to see this horrible place.

Amethyst: Then why don't you just leave!? (She summons her weapon, wrapping the whip around Pearl and tosses her against an Injector.)

Me: And this just got real...

Amethyst: Admit it. *swings whip towards Pearl, who dodges, causing the whip to slice through the leg of the machine* I'm just an embarrassment to you!

Steven: Amethyst! *is picked up by her* Wait! (Amethyst throws him and I run to his assistance)

Pearl: *summons her weapon* I don't want to fight you.

Amethyst: I wouldn't want to fight me neither! *spin-dashes towards Pearl, who dodges and blasts energy-spheres from her spear at her. Amethyst jumps into the air, smashing her whip downwards. Pearl steps on it and slices part of it off with her spear.)

Steven: *running towards them* You guys, stop it!

Amethyst: Stay out of this! *tosses her whip at Steven, which wraps around his legs and causes him to fall*

As I grabbed Steven and unwrapped Amethyst's whip from his legs. I'd just stood there and watch as the two gems, battling each other.

Pearl: Amethyst, stop this! You can't beat me.

Amethyst: I... don't... CARE! *summons two whips and wraps the ends of both around Pearl's spear and I get out of the way* I'm not gonna let you stand there and remind me of everything I hate about myself! (Amethyst sends violet beams of energy down the whips, which cause a huge explosion that slams Pearl against the Injector. Pearl lays on the ground.) I never asked for it to be this way. *tears fall down her face* I never asked to be made!

Me: Amethyst... (walks toward Amethyst)

Amethyst: Stay away from me!

Steven: *stands in front of Pearl, holding his arms out with tears on his eyes* Amethyst, please, no more! I know you're upset, but I can't bear to watch you two hurt each other. (They all gasp upon hearing a creaking and rattling, and look up to see the Injector about to collapse on all three of them. Steven summons his bubble, which only manages to cover me, Pearl, and him)

Me: Amethyst! Wait! (Amethyst begins to run and there's a crashing noise as the machine finally smashes down, assuming that it fell onto Amethyst.)

Steven: *makes bubble disappear* Ame-thy-st! (Steven and I run towards where we last saw her) Where are you?!

Me: Over there! *Steven and I push aside rubble to clear the entrance of Amethyst's hole)

Steven: *grunts* Amethyst!

Amethyst: *curled up deep in her hole* Go away. I'm bad, and you shouldn't be around me.

Me: Don't be ridiculous! You're my friend!

Amethyst: But we didn't even met when I... *sighs* I'm sorry for bringing you here.

Steven: *with his head peeping out of the hole* Pearl, get in here. You got to help us.

Pearl: But-

Steven: You have to talk to her.

Pearl: *slides in next to Amethyst* Amethyst... Amethyst, I had no idea you've been upset about this.

Amethyst: What?! You had no idea!? *motions to the hole* This is, like, my entire existence! You want to pretend that none of this ever happened! You think I'm just a big mistake!

Pearl: *gasps* No, no. Amethyst, you're not the mistake. You're just the byproduct of a... *blushes* big mistake. No, that's not- I... I just never thought of this as you. None of this is your fault. You didn't build this place. I-I'm sorry, Amethyst. I hope you can forgive me. You're the one good thing that came out of this mess. I always thought you were proud of that.

Me: I have something to say too... *I slide behind Pearl* The reason I became your best friend is because we share more than just traits. We both have things we deeply regret, and we both know we can't run from the past. But, we have each other, through disaster after disaster. *Pearl extends her hand towards her*

(The three of us exit the hole. Amethyst looks at Pearl hesitantly for a few seconds before enveloping Pearl in a crushing hug. Pearl is taken aback, but returns the hug. Then It was my turn to hug Amethyst.)

Steven: Crystal Gems forever! Now let's go home, so Steven can sleep in a bed. (They warp out.)

[Ominous metal clanging noises are heard and Kindergarten darkens]

[END]


	23. Year 1 - Marble Madness

**Year 1 - Marble Madness (Not Our Marble!)**

It was just another day at the beach, still no sign of Peridot's robots anywhere. If only we knew exactly what that space nerd's planning. But we didn't have time to answer that question, because just then a giant robonoid appeared from the ocean and we springed into action!

Garnet: AMETHYST! PEARL! MARBLE! *blocks the robonoid from advancing*

Me, Pearl, and Amethyst: *the three came down from above*

Me: CANNONBALL! *Slams into the robot* (Steven activates his bubble to shield him and Connie)

Steven: You okay?

Connie: *amazed* I love hanging out at your place!

Steven: Pearl, do you think this was-

Pearl: One of Peridot's Machines? Yes I think so, only... we've never seen one this big before.

Amethyst: Or this gooey! *Me and Amethyst were head to toe covered in goo*

Me: (coughs) I think some of it got in my mouth. Is it poisonous?

Pearl: She's right, Amethyst; we need to be careful. We don't know what this stuff is.

Me: Sounds like someone could use a goop hug! (Amethyst snickers and we both get a mischievous look on our faces)

Amethyst: *spreads arms out wide and both of us start chasing Pearl* Come on! (Pearl freaks out and runs away, as I play along and laugh) COME HERE, PEARL! *We chase Pearl off-screen* I love you, Pearl!

Me: Gimme some love!

Connie: Peridot. Is that the Gem you told me about? The one that's trying to come to Earth?

Steven: Yeah. We stopped her before but, I guess she can still shoot stuff here from space. (Steven walks over to Garnet.) So... what do you think it was here to do?

Garnet: We destroyed it- *picks up a piece of the broken robot* that's all that matters. *tosses it aside*

Steven: *nods* Hm!

Amethyst & Me: Goop hug! (unsuspectedly hugs Garnet, distributing the goo; Pearl approaches covered in goo and looking bashful, then Garnet pulls her in so they can have a "goop hug".)

We've spotted another robonoid down at Mask Island, we still couldn't figure out what is it trying to do.

[At Mask Island]

(The Gems and I warp to Mask Island as the Robonoid wanders around.)

Pearl: Is it... looking for a warp?

Me: Beats me.

Garnet: We have to stop it! (All Gems destroy the robot.)

Steven: *covered in goo* Yeesh - What are these things trying to do?

Pearl: We're not... really... that sure...

Garnet: It's not trying to do anything now. *Steven moans*

We then struggled to smash on at the desert. That's when Steven came in with a crazy idea.

Pearl: Stop! - coming! - here! - you! - stupid! - balls! *sitting on top of the robot, stabbing it with her spear with each word*

Amethyst: Yeah! Let it out! Get crazy! *tries to pull it back with her whip wrapped around it* Hua! *robonoid tugs forward*

Me: *I was pushing the robot back* You know, If it wasn't for the fact that these things are from Homeworld, I would've kept one of these for a pet.

Pearl: What makes you think that THIS would be a good idea for a pet?!

Me: Well for one, they're cute.

Amethyst: Doesn't look cute to me!

Me: Well sure, not in this size. But smaller-

Steven: *flails arms* Guys, guys, guys! Stop! (We pause and look at Steven) How many more of these things are you gonna have to fight?

Pearl: *stressed* We don't know! They just keep COMING and COMING and we don't even know what they ARE! - We don't know anything!

Steven: That's okay - I don't know anything all the time; it's like my whole life. But I have you guys to tell me about tell me about Gem stuff, Connie can explain what familiars are, and, Dad tells me weird dad stuff.

Pearl: But nobody knows what these things are here to do.

Steven: Well - it probably does. *points at the robot*

Pearl: What?

Steven: We could follow it and see where it goes.

Me: Great idea! We could- WHAT?!

Amethyst: Are you NUTS?!

Pearl: Who knows what could go wrong?

Garnet: We can't keep fighting these things forever. Well, we can but I don't want to. Let's do it Steven's way.

Me: Are we seriously doing this?

Steven: Yeah! Let's follow the funky flow. *waves his arms around*

Me: We're not going to make it out of this alive, are we?

Amethyst: Nope. (All Gems hop onto the Plug Robonoid.)

Steven: Alright big guy - MUSH! *pats the robot, and it moves forward*

Gems: Woaaah... Uggh...

Steven: Uh-heh-heh. Woohoo!

And so we rid on that bot and trekked onto a warp pad and we appeared in the Kindergarten.

Garnet: Kindergarten...

Pearl: Oh, why here? This site has been damaged enough by the Gems that were incubated here 6,000 years ago!

Me: Okay, all in favor of leaving this ride, raise your hand! (Pearl, Amethyst, and I raised our hands)

Steven: Wait! We don't even know what it's doing here? Can't we just... see where it wants to go?

Pearl: Garnet?

Garnet: Hmm... Steven's way.

Me: Oh boy... (The robonoid jumps down to ground level and continues walking.)

All: Whoa!

Pearl: What does it want here?

Steven: Maybe it just wants to see where Amethyst was made.

Me: I think we already established that.

Amethyst: *looks at Steven* I'm kinda with Pearl on this one.

Steven: Aw, come on, can't you feel this guy's funky flow? He's a funk master. *pats robot*

Pearl: I can't believe we're doing this. (suddenly, the robot stops.)

Steven: Why'd you stop, li'l buddy?

Garnet: Something's happening. (Garnet grabs Steven as the Gems and I jump off. The robot opens a pyramid-shaped hole in the ground and changes shape to accommodate it.)

Steven: *pupils turn star shaped* Yesss! (The Plug Robonoid begins to descend into the ground.) See? I knew we'd find something cool... Let's go! (Steven jumps into the hole and lands on the Plug Robonoid. The other Gems follow.) Hey guys! Going down? ... Are you okay?

Pearl: *staring at wires lining the walls* What is all this?

The elevator stops in some kind of control room with a control panel. We looked under the platform, and see the bottom half turned into a robonoid, which activates it and reveals Peridot's mug on a holographic screen.

Peridot: Established Gem Projection Link with control room. Plug Robonoid has successfully landed on Planet Earth and entered Prime Kindergarten Control Room in Facet Five. Will proceed to perform status check of Kindergarten. We hid ourselves to avoid getting spotted.

Amethyst: *whispers* It's Peridot.

Pearl: *gasps* *whispers* Is she trying to re-activate the Kindergarten? Doesn't she know it'll destroy all life on Earth?!

Steven: Why don't we ask her?

Garnet: Shh - Steven, we're facing an enemy we don't know with technology we don't understand. This isn't the time to be asking questions.

Steven: Really sounds like it is...

Garnet: Ok - here's the plan: We can't let her see us, so we wait for an opening. When she's distracted, we destroy the power source on the far wall. Marble, you watch over Steven!

Me: Got it! Question: Where's Steven? (We see Steven running up to Peridot, with me in pursuit.)

Crystal Gems: *whisper shouts* Ste-e-e-e-eve-e-e-e-en!

Peridot: Now accounting for all operational Injectors. Checking for aberrations in perimeter. (Two spots on the floor begin to glow white, and two large green hand constructs emerge from them. The hands activate a pair of panels on the ceiling which causes cylinders to eject from the ceiling.) Ugh, this Gem Tech is simply archaic.

Steven: I don't know, I think it looks pretty cool. (Peridot abruptly cancels all she was doing and the monitor turns to face Steven.) Hi! I'm Steven.

Peridot: There appears to be an infestation of "Stevens" in the Kindergarten.

Steven: Daw, I'm not so bad once you get to know me!

Peridot: And how many more Stevens are present in this area?

Steven: Oh - just me.

Peridot: Nee-ah, that's a relief. So tell me - Have Stevens replaced humans as the dominant species on earth?

Steven: Oh no - there's lots of humans, there's my dad, Connie, Lars and Sadie, the mailman, Onion... I think... lots of people.

Peridot: Hmm...

Steven: Now I get to ask a question, what are you doing?

Peridot: Hm, just picking up where we left off. (Peridot's monitor faces away from Steven. Peridot raises a hand above Steven and forms a fist, then attempts to crush him. Garnet catches the fist and throws it.)

Peridot: A Gem!

Me: Correction! (Amethyst, Pearl, and I jump up) Gems!

Peridot: A Marble? Imposible! I thought you were all wiped out! And why are there gems here in the first place? The Red Eye didn't report the presence of any Gems on this planet!

Pearl: *blushing* That's because we destroyed it.

Peridot: You what? But the records say that Gems were wiped out on earth... wait a minute... you're the ones that have been destroying my Plug Robonoids... are you the reason the Homeworld Warp is down again? THIS is your bizarre icon? *shows them the Crying Breakfast Friends sticker and groans in anger* Why do you keep destroying my THINGS?!

Me: Geez, what are you four?

Pearl: We are the Crystal Gems! We're still alive, and we're still the guardians of this planet and all its living creatures!

Peridot: The Crystal Gems?

Me: Yeah! And you're about to get a taste! (All Gems abruptly jump and attack Peridot's giant hovering hand constructs.)

Amethyst: Destroy! (Amethyst uses her whip to grab a hand and throw it at the power source, breaking it.)

Peridot: I'm reporting this! (Peridot's Screen Transmission disappears.)

Amethyst: Is it over?

Me: Something tells me, It ain't... (We walk over to Steven and stare at him.)

Steven: Okay... I-I might have gone a little too far this time.

Garnet: Well, Steven you weren't completely wrong. We learned something new because from your decisions.

Steven: Alright!

Garnet: But yeah, this was a pretty bad idea.

Me: Whadya think I've been tellin' you this whole time!

Steven: Aw man...

[End]


	24. Year 1 - The Message

**Year 1 - The Message**

It was a pleasant night in Beach City. I was sleeping in my room, breaking from Peridot and her goons. I was dreaming of poor Lapis, still flying through space, finding a way home. But my fantasies were interrupted by an earsplitting noise that shook the entire temple! I ran out of bed to see what's the mater.

Me: *enters* WHAT IN THE NAME OF SILICON VALLEY IS THAT CACOPHONY?!

Pearl: It's not us! It's the Wailing Stone!

Amethyst: Make it stop!

Pearl: It just activated on its own!

Amethyst: It won't shut up! (Amethyst whines and Garnet momentarily stops the noise, but it soon continues)

Pearl: Stand back! *bubbles Wailing Stone and the noise stops* Ha, it worked, now we can get back to... (The bubble grows large and pops, the noise comes back.)

Everyone: Ah...! (Steven sticks his arm through the hole and the noise stops, but open his mouth and the noise continues.)

Me: Oh god! It's even worse! (covers Steven's mouth, but the noise comes out of me) AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! (Garnet removes Steven, shoves a couch cushion through the hole and places the rest around the stone and sits Steven on top of it.)

Garnet: I don't understand; that thing has laid dormant since we found it.

Pearl: I haven't heard a Wailing Stone activate since we used them for the rebellion, and I've never heard it sound like that!

Me: *pants* Isn't the Wailing Stone used to send messages to other gems?

Garnet: Maybe, someone is trying to send us a message.

Pearl: But who? We've rounded up all the Wailing Stones on Earth, and we're not sending this message to ourselves. Unless... Amethyst?! Is this a prank?!

Amethyst: No way! I want it to stop! I don't like it!

Garnet: If it's not coming from Earth, then a Gem must be sending this message from space.

Me: Okay, so the solution is simple: create a simple and more quiet translation.

Steven: Why? Is that what some Gems sound like?

Pearl: No, no, we should be hearing a voice. Maybe this signal is too advanced for the Wailing Stone to process. That would explain the distorted audio.

Steven: Audio... my daddy-o knows audio!

Amethyst: Uh... you mean Greg.

Steven: Yeah!

Pearl: I don't know...

Garnet: Don't whine, let's try it.

Me: What choice do we have?

Greg: I can't believe it! You need help with sound stuff? You've come to the right guy! Ah ha! The Lubitz Cardioid Condenser 680! It's got warm tone without too much top end.

Me: It looks like a mallet for a Whack-A-Mole game.

Greg: I know, isn't it awesome?! (Greg removes the couch cushions from the stone, causing us to cover our ears, and plugs in his device.) Now I'm going to add some reverb and some low octave effects, I'm also adding some fuzz 'cause who couldn't use more fuzz? Now if I directly input the Wailing Stone and put it through a flanger we might get what you're looking for.

Pearl: Flangers aside do you really think a signal like this is compatible with your analog devices?

Steven: Don't worry dad. *auto tunes voice* It'll work!

Greg: Well, here goes nothing. [Old noise intensifies even more]

Amethyst: This is even worse!

Me: Turn it off!

Greg: I'm sorry!

Steven: Dad, you can do it, you're the audio daddy-o!

Greg: Yeah! *tries to configure noise*

Amethyst: Uh.

Steven: It sounds like... music.

Me: Music?

Greg: Yeah, that's real nice. [Noise changes into a more musical tone] Yes, yes. Woo hoo!

Pearl: But, it's not supposed to be music. It's supposed to be a message.

Me: Maybe the music is the message. [Noise changes into a more musical tone]

Pearl: Impossible.

Greg: Okay, hold on I got this. [Noise starts to change] It's changing!

Steven: It almost sounds like a voice.

Greg: Almost got it! [Engine shorts out and noise stops] Oh great.

Pearl: What's happening, where's the signal?

Greg: Uh, looks like the van battery couldn't handle all this.

Pearl: I had a feeling this wouldn't work. There's just no way that Greg's equipment can interface with our ancient Gem technology.

Steven: Ah... come on Pearl, you can't be ready to give up yet.

Greg: Look, we just got to keep trying. Sure we don't have the latest and greatest Gem tech, but- (Garnet removes the device, then puts back the couch cushions and noise stops.)

Garnet: It's okay Greg, you tried. Back to the temple. We'll figure something else out. *jumps off screen*

Pearl: What a waste of time. *jumps off screen*

Amethyst: See you later... Gregory. *jumps off screen*

Me: At least you tried. *jumps off screen*

Steven: Ah, come on y'all! *tries to jump off screen but fails*

Greg's methods of translating may have failed, but he was determined to help the gems even though he doesn't understand our advanced technology. And because of that, he and his boy had one last trick up his sleeve.

(Back at the Beach House)

Greg: (starts talking without facing the Gems.) I just want to help, have some faith in-

Amethyst: We're over here.

Greg: I know my audio equipment seems like a pile of Earth junk to y'all but-

Garnet: Greg, It's okay.

Greg: No it's not! You guys don't give up on anything, except for me. Come on... it's not like I can make it any worse!

Me: Well, your sound stuff could explode, sendin' parts of your RV and possibly us splattered all over the-

Greg: Marble!

Me: Just sayin'.

(Back at Greg's van.)

Me: Alright, the engine's up and ready.

Pearl: Okay, go for it Garnet. (Garnet holds jumper cables and generates her own electrical current.) Okay Amethyst, try it now.

Amethyst: I've never started a car with a key before. *turns key and starts car* Ha, that's way easier!

Pearl: The battery is ready to go.

Steven: The Wailing Stone is ready.

Greg: Ready with the video cord, Steven?

Steven: Ready. (Steven plugs the cord into the TV; a sound starts and the video is fuzzy.)

Pearl: Is that it?

Greg: Just a second.

Steven: I hear something.

Greg: Come on! (The video then becomes clearer to reveal Lapis.)

Lapis: Steven!

Me: Well, I'll be darned to homeworld! It worked!

Steven: Lapis?

Greg: I did it!

Pearl: I can't believe my flipping eyes!

Garnet: Everyone, listen up!

Lapis: I hope you're able to hear this. There's a Gem looking for you, she even knew your name. She even knows about Marble! I don't know how! I didn't tell her, I swear! She's on her way to Earth, and she's not alone. Steven, Homeworld is not the way it used to be. Everything here is so advanced! I can't even understand it. There's no way anything on Earth can stand up to it. Please, don't put up a fight, It'll only lead to devastation-[Video cuts off]

Me: Well... that was informative.

Pearl: It's Peridot; she must be talking about Peridot.

Amethyst: She's coming for us!

Steven: Lapis, she sounds so unhappy...

Me: Well of course she's unhappy! She must've gotten captured!

Pearl: I really cannot believe this is happening! This is not happening!

Amethyst: This is seriously bad news! What are we going to do?!

Garnet: Whew!

All: Huh?

Garnet: We did it.

Pearl: What?

Garnet: We got the message.

Amethyst: But-

Garnet: It's got! (offers her hand to Greg, and he takes it) Thank you Greg. We would not have received this message without your help. (Greg starts to tear up.)

Greg: You... you're welcome.

Steven: My dad is... *auto tunes his voice to sound robotic* the best!

Greg: Oh my gosh, Steven's a robot! Help, I can't relate to my robot son!

Steven: *robotic voice* My mind is the internet, I know every continuity mistake ever made on television. (Greg and Steven laugh)

Me: So were all agreed that were screwed, right?

[End]


	25. Year 1 - Political Power

**Year 1 - Political Power**

Now that we know that Peridot's comin' for us. We know that we must stop her any way we can, starting by getting rid of her robots.

(Pearl sets down machine and slightly examines it.)

Pearl: *to self* Hmm, this spot should be safe. *to Amethyst* Amethyst, do you have the robonoid? *Amethyst kicks the robonoid to Pearl as Garnet follows her*

Amethyst: Yeah, don't worry about it.

Pearl: Amethyst, I just repaired that. (the robonoid gets up, but Amethyst steps on it)

Amethyst: Yeah yeah, it's fine.

Pearl: Ugh! Okay, we have everything we need for the experiment and Steven *looks at Temple* is home fast *looks down and sees Steven* asle-e-eep?!

Steven: *waves* Hey guys.

Me: DAH! Steven! What are you doing up this late?!

Steven: What? I don't want to miss... whatever this is. What is this?

Amethyst: *to Steven* Pearl got lonely, so she made herself a robot friend.

Pearl: *annoyed* It's not a robot friend, it's a-

Me: Robo-NOID friend.

Pearl: Will you two cut that out! This is serious! (clears her throat) Anyways, it's a robot disruptor. It should produce a localized energy blast so when Peridot shows up to... *thinking of an excuse* ... meet with us, we'll have something that can knock out all her robonoids. (Pearl drops robonoid in front of the machine and proudly holds the remote* Now stand back everyone! (Pearl presses a button and the machine activates and sends out a very powerful signal that knocks the gems and me off our feet and shuts off all electricity in Beach City.)

Everyone: UGH! *gets blown by the shock wave*

Steven: We did it!

Me: Did what, exactly? (The robonoid gets up unaffected.)

Amethyst: Ugh. *falls back down*

Steven: Well, you knocked out all the lights in town.

Pearl: *a little embarrassed* Steven, that was not the point of the- *sighs* Alright, that was a start! Now I'm going to need to take some parts out of the washing machine. Steven, you might have to wear the same shirt for a while.

Steven: No problem! (takes off his shirt to reveal a second shirt underneath.)

Me: Do you always wear two shirts?

The very next day, the power was still out all over town and It was starting to make everyone fill up with worry. Our dim-witted Mayor Dewey went over to Steven's to talk about this concern.

Steven: (There is a knock at the door) Huh? (He opens it, revealing Mayor Dewey) Mayor Dewey?

Mayor Dewey: Hello there young Universe. Any of your sisters home?

Steven: My... sisters?

Mayor Dewey: Your caretakers! You know...the tall one, the purple one, the hot one. (I dashed over on cue)

Me: You rang?

Mayor Dewey: Are you the purple one, or the tall one?

Me: I'm the whole package baby. *slicks hair*

Mayor Dewey: *sighs* Look, the power is out and I've been mayor long enough to know they had something to do with it.

Steven: *confused* My sisters?

Mayor Dewey: Is there anyone else I can talk to about this?

Steven: *turns towards the inside of the house* Pearl!

Pearl: *from inside the house* Coming! (Mayor Dewey blushes while fixing his collar.) Oh, can I help you?

Mayor Dewey: *dumbfounded* Yes. *comes to senses* Oh hi! *business-like* Beach city is currently experiencing a wide spread power outage-

Pearl: Oh, don't worry about that, the power should be back on as early as tonight or as late as... never.

Mayor Dewey: Never coming back?!

Pearl: Yes?

Mayor Dewey: No, no, no! It has to come back! The people of Beach City can't handle a situation like this; they need their electronic distractions so they won't know that this town is a magnet for disaster!

Pearl: Oh, don't be dramatic. I saw humans get on fine without power for millennia. You used to hunt and gather, ha ha, what happened to that?

Me: It's called "evolution", Pearl. They came a long way.

Mayor Dewey: Your sister is right! You don't understand! Sure, things seem calm now in the light of day, but when the sun goes down *serious voice* so does the town!

Steven: He's right. Mayor Dewey, this is our responsibility, we'll help you clean up this mess.

Garnet: *from inside the house* No we won't!

Me: Don't worry, Mr. Dewey. You can trust on me and Steven to cover you.

Mayor Dewey: I'm not asking you to cover for me. I'm asking you to keep the town calm.

Me: *Pats Dewey's head* Whatever keeps you up at night, pal. *keeps rubbing his head* Wow your head is smooth.

[Trans. Mayor Dewey's van driving down the boardwalk]

Mayor Dewey: All right, we gotta go do damage control now or the boardies are going to get restless.

Steven: Boardies?

Mayor Dewey: Hello, youth resident of Beach City.

Sadie: Is everything all right?

Lars: You mean besides the power knocking out the freezer, *throws a box of melted ice cream* ugh, and melting all this ice cream?

Steven: *shocked* What?! Ice cream!? (Lars sits on boxes of melted ice cream.)

Lars: It's a real pain in the- (Lars sits on the boxes of melted ice cream, and gets some on his pants.) Wahh! Ugh...

Me: *laughs* Ha! He ice creamed his pants. *Lars blushed in embarassment*

Sadie: I'd offer you some but it's pretty soupy.

Steven: You do?

Mayor Dewey: Of course! The power will be back and the freezers will be working by sundown. No need to cry over frozen milk. Here. (He hands Sadie a glow stick and election button.) I'll catch you kids on the side that flips.

Me: I find it annoying how you relate to people.

Mayor Dewey: You take care now.

Steven: See ya later.

Sadie: Thanks for the glow stick.

[Back in the Mayor's van]

Steven: So everything is going to be okay?

Mayor Dewey: What? No.

Me: What do you mean no?

Steven: You lied to them?!

Mayor Dewey: Look boys, it's not lying when you're the mayor - it's politics.

Steven: It is?

Me: It's true. I mean, look at Donald Trump.

Mayor Dewey: Exactly. Let me tell you something, when you work for the government, you can't control what happens in the world, but you can control how people feel about.

Me: Election campaigns in a nutshell.

Mayor Dewey: That's the real weight I carry, making the good people of Beach City feel better, safer, more secure.

Steven: But-

Mayor Dewey: What's my other option? Let the people panic and riot? That didn't work out so well for Ocean Town.

Me: Ocean town?

Steven: I've never head of Ocean Town.

Mayor Dewey: Exactly! That's why you've got to give the people something to believe in. When they see my giant head on this car rolling down the boardwalk they think: "Here comes help!". Well, some people think: "Here comes that exterminator guy." But then they realize its me - their mayor! Have you seen that exterminator truck with a head on it? He's totally copying me.

Steven: Uh...

Mayor Dewey: *gives me and Steven brown paper bags filled with election buttons and glow sticks* Here, take these. (Mayor Dewey parks the van in front of a large group of people arguing, clears his throat and speak into the megaphone) Attention, my good citizens. As you may or may not be aware of, there is a power outage affecting all of Beach City Area proper.

Nanefua: *sarcastically* Oh, really?

Mayor Dewey: This problem is just a temporary one - not a big worry at all. Things could be worse - we could be in Ocean Town. (Some uneasy glances and hushed laughs ripple through the crowd.)

Mr. Fryman: *jokingly* Too soon!

Mayor Dewey: Anyway, the power will be back on by sundown so in the meantime, just enjoy this beautiful, peaceful day outside. The power will be back on before you know it, I promise. (The crowd murmurs in approval.)

Nanefua: I trust this man!

Mayor Dewey: *whispers to Steven and me* Okay, make sure everyone gets a button and a glow stick. *faces the crowd while waving and grinning nervously*

Steven: *walks to the Pizza family and gives them buttons and glow sticks* Have a glow stick. Here you go. Here. *walks towards Greg*

Greg: Oh, hey, Schtoo-ball. You get some sort of secret government internship I need to know about?

Me: We're not authorized to say.

Steven: *laughs nervously* Here. *hands Greg a button and a glow stick*

Greg: Apparently you can't have too many 'Mayor Dewey' buttons. Sounds like I'm not gonna be needing this glow stick though. *returns glow stick to Steven* See ya later, buddy!

Steven: *dismayed* But... Dad! *softly* No-o-o-o...

[back at the Crystal Temple]

That night, Steven paused his patrol with Dewey. While me and the gems talk strategy.

Amethyst: So what if she shows up with more? I say we just mash 'em all!

Me: I admire your "shoot first, ask questions later" attitude, Amethyst. But were dealing with Homeworld here.

Garnet: She's right. It's not just the robonoids. According to Lapis, she's going to have backup.

Pearl: Who knows what she's going to have? We won't stand a chance against their weapons. But, if we can just knock them out...

Garnet: It's not about the robonoids, Pearl! She's coming with other gems! (Steven is shocked at Garnet's statement.)

Amethyst: Says who?! Who cares?! What does Lapis even know?! (Steven climbs the steps.)

Garnet: Calm down, Amethyst!

Amethyst: You calm downnnnn... (She spots Steven) Uhhh, hey! (Pearl turns to face Steven as Amethyst walks up to him) Look who it is! I-I-i-it's Steven! *laughs before putting her arm around Steven's shoulders* Our best friend, Steven! What are you doing here, buddy?

Steven: *slowly* I live here. Is everything okay?

Pearl: *nervously* Of course.

Garnet: In fact, we were just about to play... cards.

Pearl: Yes! Cards.

Amethyst: Wanna play "War"? (Pearl growls in warning) I mean "Peace?"

Steven: Yeah! But... how are we gonna play cards in the dark?

Garnet: We can light a fire in the fireplace.

Pearl: Yes! Like Early Man.

Amethyst: *ruffles Steven's hair* C'mon, "Early Man."

As we enter back inside, Steven walks over to the balcony and holding a Mayor Dewey button towards the setting sun. And the mayor's statement buzzes around Steven's head: "When the sun goes down, so does..."

Steven: The town... (I paused and walked towards him, we both nodded, knowing what must be done)

[Camera shows the Big Donut, the Ferris wheel, and the arcade, before panning towards a discontent crowd]

Steven: (runs toward the crowd) Oh my gosh!

Peedee Fryman: *angry* How come there's still no power?

Jenny Pizza: You said it would be on by sundown!

Mayor Dewey: *nervously* Everyone just calm down. I'm sure if we just talk rationally, we can come to an agreement.

Nanefua: No agreement! You promised us!

Mr. Fryman: Without power, I can't take care of my family! *gestures to Peedee* Well, this one's fine *points to Ronaldo* but this one can't take care of himself.

Mayor Dewey: I'm sure the power will be on tomorrow... I think... Maybe.

Nanefua: Stop pulling our legs! You lied to us and you are lying again! (The crowd roars in agreement.)

Mayor Dewey: Please! Consider things in Beach City! *button hits him* Ow! (The crowd starts to throw Mayor Dewey's buttons and glow sticks at him.) *climbs into van and rolls down window* If you'd all just calm down -

Nanefua: Tip the truck!

Me: Oh, no! (Mr. Smiley, Mr. Fryman and Peedee Fryman rush forward and begin to push the van as Buck Dewey stands by helplessly watching. I walked over to the van and grabbed Dewey's megaphone) QUIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEET! (The crowd is immediately silenced.) The boy wants to speak.

Steven: Thank you. *climbs on top of the tipped over van* Now, the power might not be back on tonight. It might not even be back on for even a year! (The crowd lets out cries of shock and dismay.) But I know that you're all going to be okay because I know each and every one of you. *looks at the Pizza family* You're smart, *looks at the Fryman family* you're tough, *looks at Lars, Sadie and Greg* and you're resourceful. And you all care about each other more than you care about microwave dinners or video games or being able to see in the dark. I know it'll hurt your businesses... I know it'll hurt your lives... But are we really going to hurt each other? (The crowd murmurs amongst themselves.) Of course not! We'll face the night together and we'll survive because we are the light of Beach City! (The crowd cheers in approval.)

Me: Spoken like a true mayor, little buddy.

Mayor Dewey: *climbs out of van* Yes! Thank you, Steven. I couldn't have said it better.

Me: Your right, you couldn't.

Nanefua: Don't try to worm your way out of this!

Mayor Dewey: No, no!

Steven: It's okay! It's okay! Mayor Dewey was hiding things from you but he did it because he didn't want you to worry! *Mayor Dewey nods in agreement* He was just sheltering you from the truth because he... *enlightenment and understanding dawn on him* He loves you. (The crowd nods and whispers in approval before cheering for Mayor Dewey. Steven shakes his head before bounding off)

[Trans. Int. Beach House]

(Garnet is sitting on the sofa with Amethyst lounging beside her and Pearl is working on her machine in front of the coffee table)

Me: Hey guys.

Pearl: Marble? Where have you been?

Me: With him. *Steven walks in*

Pearl: Oh, hey, Steven. *looks back at her machine and murmurs to herself* If I could just concentrate the -

Steven: Um... Do you guys wanna talk?

Pearl: *nervously disconnects a piece from her machine* And why would we need to do that?

Amethyst: Hey, Steven. You still owe us a game of cards.

Garnet: *picks up several cards* Yeah, get in on this.

Steven: N-no. I don't wanna play cards. I wanna talk about Peridot.

Pearl: Oh, well, yes. Everything is fine.

Steven: No it's not! I know it's not. I know you just don't want me to be scared but just tell us the truth! (The Gems all silently stare at Steven for a moment.)

Garnet: *looks down* Peridot is coming. *sets cards on the table* And we don't know who or what she'll be coming with. She's a modern gem with modern gem technology that's bound to overpower us. (Steven listens with shock.) Steven, the truth is: we're scared.

Me: Scared?! We're terrified! Madre de dios she'll shatter us all!

Garnet: Marble.

Me: Sorry.

Steven: We've been scared before, right? None of us know what's going to happen, but... that's okay. We can figure things out - together. (The Gems all nod silently in agreement. The power in the house suddenly turns on and it shows that the entire Beach City is getting its power back as well.)

Me: Well, what do you know? The power's back on! We're gonna be just fine...*Star iris on me* I hope...*Iris out*


	26. Year 1 - The Return (Part 1)

**Year 1 - The Return (Part 1)**

Well, it's finally happening. Peridot's ship was pointin' straight at us, and no doubt she'll have an army with her like Lapis said. One thing's for sure, our day of reckoning has come...

[At the Beach]

Pearl: The Light Cannons should be ready.

Steven: Guys! Did you see that thing in the sky?

Me: Well it ain't just a regular giant space hand!

Pearl: It's a ship. We have to assume it's Peridot.

Garnet: Lapis told us she'll be coming. With advanced weapons and reinforcements.

Greg: It's happening...

Steven: I wanna see. *looks into telescope and sees the green hand* Woah.

Me: Excuse me but uh, I'm afraid I can't be with ya for this battle. You see, I have booked an appointment... WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE! *I make a run for it but Pearl stops me*

Pearl: No Marble! We have to stop this!

Me: Do we have to?

Garnet: We made a vow to protect this planet!

Amethyt: And besides Marbs, it won't be that bad.

Me: Won't be so bad?! We're talking about Homeworld Gems! We don't stand a chance!

Pearl: *puts her hand on my shoulder* But we have to try. For earth.

Garnet: For Rose.

Amethyst: For Lapis.*I take a deep breath*

Me: For Lapis...

Garnet: Ready the light cannons. (The Quartizine Trio appear from under the deck. Amethyst pushes the fourth Laser Light Cannon into position.) Steven, light them up.

Steven: *talks into walkie-talkie* If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs. (Cannons shoot beams into sky at the spaceship. The warship opens itself and blocks the crossed beam with the palm area.)

Garnet: No effect.

Greg: What now?

Garnet: *lifts the telescope and looks into it* We'll have to take them head on. The whole town might be in danger.

Steven: *gets phone and taps on Mayor Dewey's name* I better make a call. Time for some... political favors.

While Steven was busy getting everyone in town to evacuate. We did all we could to stop Peridot's arrival. But when Steven wanted to help, we couldn't risk him getting hurt, so you can tell it was hard to break it to him.

Steven: Hey! That's a great idea, Dad. You should leave with the rest of the- *spies his cheeseburger backpack* is that my luggage?

Greg and Pearl: Uuuhh...

Me: This is awkard...

Steven: What's awkward? (Three of us look at Amethyst, who turns away defensively.)

Amethyst: Hey, I'm not good with this stuff!

Garnet: Steven, I know you don't think we trust you. I know more often than not we treat you like a human child. But the truth is, we rely on you. (hands him a megaphone) Your voice inspires us, binds us, reminds us why we promised to protect the planet. You must now be that voice, for them. [Camera switches to Beach City's boardwalk, all of the citizens in chaos]

Fryman: Peedee, come on!

Peedee: But are we coming back!?

Fryman: Ronaldo, help me with your brother! [Camera switches back]

Garnet: If anything happens, you need to be there to protect them. Like your mother once did. It's your destiny.

Steven: I won't disappoint you!

Garnet: I know. (They drive off, leaving the sad Crystal Gems.)

Me: *sniffs* He's a good kid.

Garnet: We did everything we could. Alright, pull it together!

As Steven and his dad drove off outta harms way, Greg fears that Peridot won't be as friendly as his boy thought. And because of that, he blurted out one small secret about Rose. You see folks, Rose rebelled because someone from beyond earth was doing something awful to this planet. A lotta lives were lost during the battle to protect earth. Greg went on about this until Steven decided to do what he can to save the earth like his mother did. He rode off on his lion back to Beach City, that was bathed in an evil green glow.

(Opal has been called upon to try to attack the spaceship with her arrows and stands by me and Garnet.)

Garnet: Fire! (Opal fires a barrage of arrows at the ship to no effect. Steven dismounts Lion)

Steven: Stay here! If something happens, Dad'll need a new son! (Garnet and Opal watch as the ship increases speed in its descent.)

Garnet: At least Steven is safe...

Me: Yeah, especially when he's safely long gone from this horrid sight...

Steven: Hey guys!

Me: Hey, Steven- *Does a double take* GUH?! (The surprise of seeing Steven at the beach causes Opal to separate into Pearl and Amethyst. The recoil forces them to the ground.)

Amethyst: You came back!

Pearl: What are you doing?! Get out of here!

Steven: But-

Garnet: It's too late! Just stay behind us! (The ship lands)

Steven: Ah... (A ball appears from the palm of the hand. It opens, revealing Peridot, Lapis, and a rather bulky gem)

Peridot: That's them, all right. They're the ones who keep breaking my machines.

?: This is it?

Peridot: Jasper! They keep interfering with my work!

Jasper: *sighs and steps forward* Looks like another waste of my time... Hey, get over here! (She drags Lapis Lazuli out from behind her. Lapis breaks free of Jasper's grip at the sight of Steven)

Steven: Lapis...

Jasper: This is their base?

Lapis: Yes...

Garnet: You need to leave immediately!

Amethyst: Yeah, step off!

Pearl: This is not a Gem-controlled planet! (The three Homeworld Gems jump onto the beach.)

Jasper: And neither of you saw Rose Quartz? Oh, what a shame. I'd hoped to meet her. I was looking forward to beating her into the ground!

Me: How barbaric!

Steven: Euegh...

Jasper: But this is all that's left of her army? Some lost, defective Pearl, a puny overcooked runt, and this shameless display? *glances at Steven* What is that?

Peridot: It calls itself the Steven.

Lapis: He's just a human! He isn't a threat at all! He's not one of them!

Jasper: I know what a human is. You don't need me for this. (starts to walk away) Just blast them with the ship.

Peridot: Ugh, fine. (The ship lifts up, the pointer finger takes aim. Peridot draws a wide circle on her screen and taps the middle. It begins to charge power.)

Garnet: Steven! Get out of here!

Steven: No!

Garnet: I won't let you risk your life!

Steven: But this is my home! And you're all my family! (Steven's gemstone begins to shine.)

Peridot: Firing. (A beam fires out of the ship.)

Steven: I- I'm a Crystal Gem too!

Me: STEVEN NO! (He jumps in front of them. Rose's shield forms, stopping the blast. Jasper turns around in shock.)

Jasper: That shield! That symbol! (The shield falls, and Steven collapses.) You! You have the power of Rose Quartz!

Peridot: Now do you believe I needed an escort?

Jasper: Fire a barrage! Widespread! (Peridot swipes a finger right across her monitor. Garnet pushes Steven out of the way. The ship cuts a line across the beach, causing an explosion with me, Pearl, and Amethyst getting caught in it.) Rose, why do you look like that? Why are you so weak?

Lapis: Don't hurt him!

Jasper: You knew about this!

Lapis: It wasn't relevant to the mission!

Jasper: Forget about the mission!

Peridot: What!?

Jasper: Yellow Diamond needs to see this... thing.

Steven: Uh... (Garnet jumps at Jasper.)

Jasper: Good. (Jasper summons her weapon and the two clash blows, creating a powerful draft that pushes back both Garnet and Steven.)

Garnet: *recovering from the knock back and running towards Jasper* Steven, run!

Me: Garnet! NO!

Jasper: *pulls out another weapon* Priming Gem Destabilizer.

Before Garnet had a chance to attack, she was destablized right in the chest. Poofing her, leaving two gemstones in laying in the sand, and all of us horrified.

Jasper: *to Steven* I was there, you know. At the first war for this garbage planet. I fought against your armies. I respected your tactics. But this... ? *lifting Steven by his shirt* This is sick!

Me: Put him down! *Jasper sees me*

Jasper: So it is true. There is a Marble on this planet. And yet, such a waste for an elite gem warrior to protect this pathetic display.

Me: Well this pathetic display's about to kick your sorry hides back to Homeworld! *Jasper smirks*

Jasper: Yellow Diamond will be pleased to have you back... (Pearl, Amethyst, and I charge at Jasper.) I don't get what you're planning, Rose. But look! Your base is taken. Your armies are ruined! You have failed! (Jasper headbutts Steven in the eye, knocking him out.)

In short I did not think this through...


	27. Year 1 - Jailbreak (Part 2)

**Year 1 - Jailbreak (Part 2)**

Me: Ohh... What... What happened? Steven... Pearl... A-Amethyst... (I remember what happened to Garnet as a brief image of Ruby and Sapphire's gems are shown falling to the ground.) GARNET! Huh?

I awoke several hours later, stuck to a wall with my arms and feet covered by green orbs. I stuggle to get free, but Jasper entered.

Jasper: Good. You're awake.

Me: You!

Jasper: I never thought I find you. After you abandoned us!

Me: I had a reason to! What you were doing was wrong!

Jasper: Well, now that I've got rid of your friends maybe now you'll come to your senses and join us!

Me: I will never join you! I was made on this earth to protect it from the likes of you!

Jasper: You don't get it, do you? You're an elite gem warrior. You were only made on that pitiful planet for one purpose: to serve the diamonds!

Me: Never! *struggles to break free*

Peridot: I told you she wouldn't co-operate!

Jasper: We'll see about that. *she and Peridot walk away*

I knew I had to break free and save my Gems. Using my tongue, I reach for my gem and summoned my weapon. I held it with my teeth and swung at the orbs that held me. After that, I was able to break free. Now, I'll have to do is to find Steven and the others, without Japser and Peridot seeing me.

Me: (I dash through the hallways, with my axe in my hand) Steven! (I continue to look for the other prisoners) Amethyst! (sees through a bunch of empty cells) Pearl! What's left of Garnet? (I see Lapis inside a cell) Lapis! (I run to her)

Lapis: Marble!

Me: Don't worry! I'll get you out!

Lapis: Please, stop! I don't deserve to be free!

Me: Don't be ridiculous! You're supposed to be free!

Lapis: No! You don't understand! I led them here! I made this happen! *the ship starts to tremble*

Me: Something tells me Steven and the Gems have it under control.

Lapis: Just go...

Me: Not without yo-*the alien ship tipped over causing me to slide down the hallways* UUUUUUUUU! (Garnet enters the control bridge.)

Pearl, Amethyst, and Steven: Garnet! *She catches me as I fell* Marble!

Me: So... What did I miss?

Garnet: This ship is going down!

Steven: What about Lapis?

Garnet: There's no time!

Me: Are you sure?

As Lapis continues to depress in her cell. The ship was forced to make crash landing & an explosion right by the temple. Luckily, we were protected by Steven's bubble.

Garnet: Nice one.

Steven: *to Garnet* Oh my gosh! I can't believe you're a fusion all the time!

Me: What? You told him about Ruby and Sapphire?!

Pearl: Oh no! We were going to introduce you. Garnet, your plan!

Garnet: We were waiting for Steven's birthday.

Steven: We can still do it! I'll just pretend I didn't know!

Me: Nah, surprise ruined. But there's still a chance to tell ya about how they met.

Steven: Tell me!

Garnet: On your birthday, Steven. (A hand reaches up through the rubble. Jasper emerges from the burning wreckage of the ship.)

Jasper: Ugh! Auh... *falls to her knees* Don't think you've won. You only beat me 'cause you're a fusion! If I had someone to fuse with I'd— (Rubble shifts.) Huh?

Lapis: Ugh!

Me: Lapis! You're alive! (Lapis falls to her hands and knees and attempts to flee, but Jasper grabs her leg.)

Jasper: Come here, brat! Aw, don't fly off so soon.

Steven: Lapis! (Steven tries to run over to Lapis, but Pearl and Amethyst stop him.)

Jasper: Lapis, listen, fuse with me!

Lapis: What?!

Jasper: How long did they keep you trapped here on this miserable hunk of rock?

Me: 32 years to be exact.

Jasper: Shut up!

Me: Shutting up...

Jasper: These Gems, they're traitors to their Homeworld. They kept you prisoner. They used you. This is your chance to take revenge! Come on, just say yes.

Steven: Lapis, don't do it! (after hesitating, Lapis offers her hand to Jasper and she takes it.) NO-O-O-O-O-O!

Jasper and Lapis danced then transformed into a frightening combination. It had four arms for legs, green skin with darker green stripes, it had four eyes and had Jasper's gem on it's nose. With a sharp toothed grin and an evil cackle, she summoned a water hand to crush us! It looked like the end for the Crystal Gems, until...

?: Huh? (Another arm emerges from the ocean and takes the fusion's other arm, also becoming a shackle.) What? (Water chains appear and wrap around the fusion's torso and neck.) Ughh! (The water starts dragging the fusion into the ocean.)

? (Jasper's voice): What are you doing?

? (Lapis' voice): I'm done being everyone's prisoner. Now you're my prisoner! (Two more water-arms grab the fusion's back legs.) And I'm never letting you go!

?: Ugh! Agh! Ugh ah! (The arms pull the fusion into the water until only her face is visible. The fusion's face briefly splits into Lapis's and Jasper's.)

Steven: Lapis!

? (Lapis' voice): Let's stay on this miserable planet... together! (The fusion disappears into the ocean.)

Me: And just like that... she was out of their lives... (I went down on my knees, speechless)

Garnet: Yikes. They are really bad for each other.

Me: I just can't belive she's gone. After all I've been through to help her. I can't lose her again. (I buried my face in my hands and began to sob, Garnet place her hand on her shoulder)

Garnet: She did what she had to do. *I look up to Garnet and the Gems*

Me: But, what about... and she's.. and...

Garnet: Whatever happens next, we'll be ready. And so will you. *I smile*

Me: Thanks guys...

And that's what's been happenin' to me so far. Crazy stuff, huh? But don't think it's over yet, folks. 'Cause it's about to get even crazier...

* * *

 **That's all of Season 1 wrapped up. Wanna see more? Stay tuned for Year 2!**

 **Coming not so soon...**


	28. Year 2 - Joy Ride

**Year 2: Joy Ride**

You can say things weren't the same after last night. In case you folks forgot, let me get you all up to speed.

It all started when Steven saw saw a mysterious gem going through the warp, turns out it was a Homeworld gem named Peridot, who was trying to fix the Homeworld warp to gather the others to take over the we defeated her little robonoid friends, but then we heard a message from Lapis, the gem who was trpped in a mirror who Steven freed, saying the Peridot is coming and getting rid of us gems once and for all. Then there was a scary lookin' gem from Homeworld named Jasper, who managed to poof Garnet, and captured all of us. We managed to break out and get back to earth. But then Jasper convinced Lapis to fuse with her, turning into a terrifing gem. The last thing I saw was the fusion banishing herself in to the ocean never to be seen again!

A lot of exposition, I know. If you think this is crazy you should the incredibly shocking and mind-blowing events that happened after that! This is the rest of our story...

[On the Beach]

(Crystal Gems are seen clearing up the debris from the Gem Warship.)

Steven: (picks up a small piece of debris.) Do we really have to get every piece?

Amethyst: (grunts and digs up large piece of debris.) Yes! (Garnet pick up a huge piece of debris.)

Garnet: (to Steven) Yes, having a wrecked ship lying around is too dangerous. We've got to take care of it... all of it.

Me: A tough job, but someone's gotta do it. (Picks up a big piece)

Pearl: And we need to start looking for Peridot's escape pod too, assuming she even made it to Earth. (Pearl drops a pile of the debris she gathered.)

Me: I hope she did. 'Cause when get my hands on that triangle head, I'll slice her head off like a piece of pie!

Garnet: Don't get excited yet, there is still the matter of finding her. But for now, There's a lot of work ahead of us. (Steven drops the piece he previously picked up into a bag.)

Steven: On it.

I went with Steven to pick up more debris. Moments later I happen to see three of my human friends, Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream.

Jenny: Steven, Steven!

Steven: (snaps out of it) Huh?

Buck Dewey: Yo!

Me: Jenny! Buckminster! ! *I high five the three* How's things?

Jenny: Welcome back to earth.

Steven: What? Who told you?!

Buck Dewey: You looked a million miles away, man.

Steven: Oh, heh heh. Sorry, I was zoning out.

Buck Dewey: We were about to go chill in the parking lot and freak out some squares.

Me: I'm in! *Throws away shovel*

Jenny: *to Steven* You should come too.

Steven: Oh, but I— I don't have anything against squares. I like all basic shapes.

Buck Dewey: *chuckles* Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. You got that much-needed counterpart to our cynical world view. You have to come.

Sour Cream: It's good energy flow.

Steven: Sorry, guys, but I got a lot of important gem work to do. Maybe later.

Jenny: Aww.

Sour Cream: Bummer.

Buck Dewey: Well, we'll catch you later, then.

Me: Yeah, I better stay here to clean up this beach. *I whisper to them* Meet me by the temple tonight. (Buck Dewey, Jenny, and Sour Cream nodded and walk away.)

[Time Skip—nighttime]

Steven: (Lies on his bed) Ugh, the calluses on my hands have calluses. A working man's burden is truly a heavy one. *rolls over and sighs* (A thump comes from window.) Huh? (He stares out of window until a piece of pizza hits the window.) Huh, pizza rain, but no pizza clouds. (Another piece of pizza hits window and Steven sees Me, Buck Dewey, and Sour Cream.)

Me: Sup, playa.

Steven: Wha—? (Steven walks out front door and approaches us) What are you guys doing here? And why are you making it pizza rain?

Buck Dewey: I only wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rain.

Steven: *brief pause* Is that a reference to something?

Buck Dewey: C'mon. It's time to hang out.

Steven: We can't hang out at night! Night is for dreaming.

Me: Steven, baby. You're a shooting star! *Points at the star on Steven's shirt* And stars like you own the night. And besides, after that whole Peridot episode, what you need is a break. So me and the gang are havin' a night out. You in?

Buck Dewey: Yeah, man. Aren't you done working for the day?

Steven: Yeah... Okay, let's hang out!

Me: Awesome! And remember, this will be our little secret. Dig?

Steven: I've been digging all day!

Me: That's my boy!

Sour Cream: But first, we have to deliver the rest of this pizza to Mr. Smiley.

One delivery later, we were crusin' through the night in Jenny's delivery car.

Jenny: Whoo! Wind in your face, that's what I'm talking about!

Buck Dewey: Breathe deep, Steven. This is the smell of freedom.

Steven: *inhales* Freedom smells like pepperoni.

Jenny: *laughs* That's just the car.

Me: That, and this box of pizza I got. *munches on a slice* My complements to the chef by the way.

Jenny: Thanks.

Sour Cream: You know what food definitely doesn't smell like freedom? Fish!

Steven: Why fish?

Jenny: Uh oh, here we go.

Sour Cream: I just don't get what's wrong with wanting to be a DJ, but my step-dad was all on my case again today saying— *makes mumbling noises* —eugh. I'm just like, "I don't want to be a fisherman. Everyone knows you can't rave in a raincoat, step-dad!"

Me: Wait, you actually understand that mumbling.

Sour Cream: Yeah. Not that hard to translate, it's in the family.

Me: Respect.

Buck Dewey: At least he only bugs you about one thing. My dad's gotta say something about everything I do, 'cause I'm the mayor's son. And I'm like, you can't tell me what to do, I'm the mayor's... wait.

Me: Been there, amigo. I mean, that guy thinks he's so important even though he has no idea how a mayor works. He just rides around in a van that blares his name. MAYOR DEWEY! MAYOR DEWEY! MAYOR DEWEY! I tell ya, If i was runnin' this town, I'd do it right!

Jenny: *laughs* Puh-lease, you're all walking in cake with that talk. You guys don't even know what bad is until you have a sister. Look, I don't know why I have to spell it out that I'm the evil twin and she's the good one! "Don't ask me to help you with your homework, I'm at some metal concert."

Steven: Family stuff is tricky. (The cool kids nod in agreement.) A few months back, my dad and the Gems grounded me from TV.

Me: You think it ain't bad. But try no TV for a thousand years.

Buck Dewey: That's the worst.

Sour Cream: Bummer.

Jenny: No way!

Steven: And then I found out that the Gems are alien rebels, and there are other Gems out there that want us dead because they think we're traitors. And they tried to take me hostage because they think I'm my mom. And maybe I kinda am? *sighs* I wish I could talk to Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl about it, but I think they kinda blame me for my mom not being around. (There is silence.)

Jenny: *turns off radio* That's heavy.

Steven: I guess.

Me: If you think that's heavy, you should see what hapened to me.

Buck Dewey: But you always seem so upbeat. (lifts his glasses, revealing his eyes) You and your friend are real champs, Steven Universe.

Sour Cream: Yeah, I'd turn to fishing in a heartbeat if it meant not dealing with thaa-a-a-a- THAT! *points at something as the car screeches to a halt.) Look at that!

Jenny: What?! What did I hit?! What is it?!

Sour Cream: Glowing. (something is glowing green in a field) We gotta check it out.

Buck Dewey: I'm down.

Jenny: Alright, hold on.

We followed the trail of the mysterious glow until we found the source in a big hole. And to Me and Steven's surprise, it was...

Steven: Peridot's escape pod. *inhales* Okay, everybody step back. This is a gem machine and could be extremely dangerous.

Sour Cream: Check it out.

Steven: What are you doing?!

Sour Cream: *throws rock onto pod* Boom! (the Cool Kids walk toward the escape pod)

Steven: Whoa, stop! Peridot might still be in there.

Buck Dewey: Peri- what?

Jenny: This biz is empty.

Buck Dewey: *laughs* It looks so busted.

Me: Okay guys, enough fun. You don't even know what it does.

Jenny: Well, It's not really doing anything.

Steven: It's not just the pod. This means Peridot is just out there somewhere, trying to hurt the earth!

Buck Dewey: Not cool, Earth forever! *kicks the pod*

Sour Cream: Here come the rocks! *dumps rocks on pod*

Jenny: Steven, come take a selfie with me and this thing.

Steven: No, Jenny, I'm serious.

Jenny: So am I. Sour Cream, what about you?

Sour Cream: Sure, I'm down with whatever.

Jenny: Buck?

Buck Dewey: Nah, I like to just experience the moment for what it is sometimes. Plus the lighting is weird.

Jenny: Ugh, okay. Marble?

Me: Hm... Oh, what the heck!

Jenny: Steven. Last call. I got funny stickers.

One selfie montage later...

Jenny: Ahh, these are so good!

Me: You said it! I look good!

Steven: How do I look?

Jenny: You look great, look, stay right there, I'm going to take one more- *gasps* Steven, get in there.

Me: Yeah, Steven, you should- WHAT?!

Jenny: Just for a second, one picture.

Me: I don't know...

Sour Cream: Come on! It's already broken, it's not like it's gonna harm anyone. (The cool kids laugh as Steven climbs in the pod.)

Jenny: Okay, ready! 3, 2... (Jenny takes pictures of him in the pod as Steven activates it.)

Sour Cream: Dude!

Jenny: Oh my gosh, Steven! Wha-a-a-a-a-a? This is so cool!

Me: Holy cow! It still works! Steven! Are you okay!

Steven: *starts walking in pod* Who-o-o-oa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a.

Jenny: Steven, how are you doing that?

Steven: *rustling in the pod until he stops it; he gasps* I think it listens to what my hands do. I really shouldn't be playing with this. I have to take this back to the Temple immediately.

Jenny: No way, you just got it working!

Buck Dewey: C'mon, aren't you your own mom?

Me: Something like that.

Sour Cream: Yeah, you gotta do some donuts in that thing!

Buck Dewey: At least a dozen, baker's dozen.

Me: Mmm.. Bakers dozen...

Jenny: Seriously, Steven, you've been under a lot of pressure. Don't you think you deserve to have a little fun?

Steven smiled, and for the rest of the night we toyed with Peridot's pod. Racing, riding, dancing, etc. The fun could last forever, too bad it didn't.

Jenny: You really got the hang of that thing, huh?

Steven: *laughs* Yeah, it always hooks to the left. I should really get it back to the gems though. (Cool Kids say no in unison.) ... Right after I jump that haystack!

The Cool Kids and Me: Yeah, do it! Go, Steven! Yeah, whoo! *laugh*

Steven: *jumps haystack* I'm okay! *giggles* It's not actually so bad if you give it a little... (punches top of pod, which closes up.) Aah!

Me: Uh oh.

Steven: Guys? (Green transparent liquid like the one the robonoids use fills the pod. Steven holds his breath, thinking he won't be able to breathe inside the liquid. Shortly afterwards, Steven exhales and discovers he can breathe inside the liquid. The pod shoots lasers everywhere and also sends out a flare. The kids run everywhere and scream.)

Me: Don't worry! I got this! (I summon my axe, but the pod squirts goo at me)

Jenny: Steven! What's going on?

Steven: Guys! Can you hear me? (The Crystal Gems arrive.)

Pearl: I knew it! That flare led us right to the escape pod!

Amethyst: What's going on here?!

The Cool Kids: Help! Over here!

Steven: Garnet! Amethyst! Pearl!

Pearl: We'll save you, humans! *throws her spear through the pod* I can't believe it. Peridot's still inside.

Garnet: She's probably weak from the landing. Don't hold back!

Amethyst: Got it! (Pearl throws another spear through the pod. Amethyst grabs it with her whip.)

The Cool Kids: Wait! No!

Steven: Whoa!

Me: What are you guys doing?! Stop!

Pearl: Stand back, human! We'll protect you.

Me: *I look at my goo covered self* They must not notice me because I'm such a mess! This is my chance to leave before I get in trouble... *walks away*

Garnet: You got a lotta nerve taking refuge here. Of all places! *grabs whip and starts pulling the pod down*

Steven: Garnet?

Garnet: But I don't know where you get off attacking defenseless humans in your dead-beat escape pod. *continues to pull it down*

Steven: Garnet! It's me, Steven, can you hear me? Garnet!

Garnet: And if you think you're safe here, well, I got news for you. You lost! Now! *readies her gauntlets and prepares to punch the pod*

Steven: Garnet, Garnet, Garnet!

Garnet: Stay off my planet! *throws fist at pod*

Jenny: *steps in front of Garnet's gauntlet* Stop! *Garnet stops herself, her fist inches away from Jenny's face* Steven's in there. (Garnet sees Steven and breaks escape pod open.)

Amethyst and Pearl: Steven!

Amethyst: What were you doing?

Pearl: You found Peridot's escape pod and didn't come get us immediately!?

Amethyst: Dude, we almost wrecked you.

Garnet: Steven, this is unacceptable. I'm very disappointed in you. *Notices me* You too Marble.

Me: Marble? Who is this Marble you speak of? *The goo slicks off me* How 'ya doin?

Jenny: Hey, cut them some slack!

Buck Dewey: It's not his fault!

Sour Cream: Just let him be a DJ!

Pearl: Wha—?

Me: Uh, that may not be the best expression for this situation, Sour Cream.

Sour Cream: We just wanted Steven to have some fun. I don't know what's going on with aliens trying to abduct him, and him being his own mom. But it sounds like he's got a lot on his mind.

Jenny: I'm sure whatever you're having him do is important, but everyone needs a break once in a while.

Buck Dewey: He's just a kid.

Me: Yeah, and believe me, he wanted to get you after we found the escape pod.

Pearl: *sighs* Maybe we have been a little hard on him.

Amethyst: He did just break us out of space jail.

Me: Garnet? Something you want to say?

Garnet: *with a stern expression* Steven, *smiles* you're ungrounded from TV. (Steven, who is astonished, smiles, goes up to Garnet and hugs her. This leads to another selfie montage, which ends the episode, with Sour Cream saying: "I'm invincible!" as he throws another rock at the wrecked escape pod.)

[END]


	29. Year 2 - Reformed

**Year 2: Reformed**

(In the Beach House)

Me: (I was up in Steven's bed flicking channels on his TV) Weird. Lame. Seen it. Not funny. Seen it. (I clicked on a certain channel and was allured. Just then Steven entered)

Steven: Hey Marble.

Me: Steven! (I clicked to a different channel) Uh, I was just finding the sports channel...

Amethyst: (Seen browsing the refrigerator, holding a big pile of food and things on her right arm.) Hey Steven! Is there any more engine oil? *turns to Steven* I need it for this sandwich.

Steven: I think that's for cars...

Amethyst: Well, *kicks the fridge's door shut* is there any more of it?

Steven: Dad's probably got some outside. Oh! But uh... you've gotta take this online quiz! *pulls out his phone* "Which Crying Breakfast Friend Are You?"

Amethyst: That show's really weird. *sits on a stool and puts all the stuff she's carrying on the breakfast bar* Who wants to watch a cartoon about people crying?

Steven: *with watery eyes and a broken voice* I do.

Me: Awkward.

Amethyst: *rolls her eyes* Okay, okay! Uh, what's the first question?

Steven: *reading from his phone* Do you ever act without thinking?

Me: (I lay down on Steven's bed) Pass.

Amethyst: Nope. *squeezes a mustard bottle until it explodes, covering the pile of food on mustard* Never.

Steven: *still reading* Are you afraid of taking risks and trying new things?

Me: Pass.

Amethyst: *eats the whole pile of food in one bite, with her mouth full* Terrified! *cleans the mustard on her face with her tongue*

Steven: *seemingly upset* Are you two taking this seriously?

Amethyst: *rolls her eyes and rests her head on her hand* Of course we are.

Me: Pass.

Steven: *happily* Okay. *taps the 'yes' button his phone's screen, which reads 'Are you taking this seriously?'* Are you insecure about your relationships (Amethyst suddenly looks troubled.) and how you are perceived by other people?

Amethyst: *unsteadily* No... yes? Eh... What's the right answer?

Steven: There is no right answer. You're just supposed to answer honestly.

Amethyst: Eh, I'm bored. *crosses her arms behind her back*

Me: *yawns* I wonder what else is on.. *clicks through channels* (Amethyst walks to the Temple Gate and activates it while Steven follows her.)

Steven: Oh wait, I have loads more probing personal questions to ask. (The temple opens Amethyst's Room and Garnet looks back.)

Amethyst: *seemingly upset* Garnet, wha— (Amethyst and Steven walk through the door.)

Me: Wait! Don't start the episode without me! (I catch up to them)

Amethyst: What are you doing in my room? (The door closes.)

Garnet: I saw a corrupted gem. *points upward toward a large gaping hole* I followed it through the tunnel it dug in the rock.

Amethyst: *looking off doubtfully with her arms crossed* Yeah right.

Steven: *curious* Where did it come from?

Garnet: It's similar to Pearl's description of the creature she saw slinking through the temple.

Steven: *shocked and excited* You saw The Slinker!?

Amethyst: I thought we agreed there was no Slinker, and we weren't going to call it *air quotes* "The Slinker".

Garnet: *arms crossed* Yes we did, *uncrosses arms* but now it's undeniable the creature exists, and that Steven's name stuck.

Steven: *proudly holds up his fist* Yes!

Amethyst: *defensively steps forward* No-o-o! *walks behind Garnet* Look, why don't you just let me look for it?

Garnet: *starts to walk past Amethyst* Because you won't. (Steven, Amethyst and I hurry after Garnet, then she lifts up a hunk of Amethyst junk, revealing another large tunnel)

Steven: *curiously holds his hand up to his cheek* How long's this thing been in here?

Amethyst: *excitedly squeals and picks up a gas mask* Ha ha, look, guys! *wears the mask* I'm a pachyderm! *Steven and I laugh* *takes off mask* Oh! *pulls out a skull from the mask* And there's a prize inside! (Steven covers mouth and gasps)

Me: And you just killed the joke...

Garnet: *holds a finger to her mouth* Sshhhh, keep quiet. (Amethyst rolls her eyes and groans while Steven nods obediently.)

Me: Yes, ma'am. (The four of us move to another section of the room as Garnet puts Amethyst junk down and continues walking)

Steven: *puts his hand on his cheek in admiration* Oh Garnet, stern but practical, just like spilled milk.

Amethyst: *visibly annoyed* You're still not on about that dumb cartoon are you?

Steven: *in sudden remembrance* Oh right, the quiz! *pulls out his phone and starts walking toward Amethyst* Do you get defensive when people ask you questions about the feelings you prefer to keep hidden?

Amethyst: *eyes widen and quickly turns around squinting her eyes* DON'T get all psych-o-logical on me, Ste-ven.

Steven: *backs up in surprise* Uhhh... sorry?

Me: Perhaps it's better if you don't bring up- (The loud hissing is heard again.) Were not alone, are we?

Steven Amethyst: Huh?

Garnet: There! (She tosses away the junk she was holding and takes a large leap forward, then proceeds to fire her gauntlets in the direction of the hissing. Her gauntlets fly into a pile of junk and explode on contact; she reaches the junk, smiling but then frowns in disappointment.)

Me: Whoa! I didn't know they can do that!

Amethyst: *runs over to Garnet* WHOA MAMA! *looks up excitedly at Garnet* Did ya get it!?

Garnet: *looks at Amethyst* No. *holds up her wrists as her gauntlets reappear*

Me: Disappointment.

Amethyst: *looks disappointed, then jumps into the hole and starts looking for something* Aw man, I think my favorite round thing was in there.

Garnet: *sigh* I'll get you a new round thing.

Amethyst: Ugh, this is my stuff you're messing with! *kicks something over*

Me: Hey G, I got a feeling I'm gonna regret asking this but, why are we calling this case "The Slinker"? (The Slinker pulls Amethyst into the pile and strangles her.) Yep. Saw that coming... (suddenly a cloud of smoke appears and Amethyst's gem is left) But not that.

Steven: *sees Amethyst's gem and gasps* Amethyst got 'poofed!'

Garnet: Slinker! (Garnet looks around a bit, and Steven walks up behind her looking sad.)

Steven: *whimpers and holds up Amethyst's gem* Garnet?

Garnet: *turns around* Steven, remember, our bodies are only an illusion.

Me: It makes ya ponder. And then, boom. Mind blown.

Garnet: Amethyst will be fine.

Steven: B-but Pearl took two whole weeks to come back, and I already miss Amethyst so much!

Me: Reformation is a long process, Steven. Our mirage bodies takes much needed time to form back after- (Amethyst's gem starts glowing and floats into the air.) Oh, nevermind. That didn't take long at all. (Steven looks happy as Amethyst reforms with legs for arms)

Steven: Amethyst's back! Amethyst's back! *hugs her*

Amethyst: *pushes Steven aside* Ugh. *looks at her foot-hands and gets confused* Huh?

Me: Amethyst, you look... different.

Steven: Looks like you... grew a few feet since the last time I saw you, nyuck-nyuck-nyuck!

Garnet: That was fast. Even for you.

Amethyst: Eh, it's no big deal. *stands upside-down on her arm-legs* I didn't wanna keep my biggest fans waiting! (Steven laughs until Amethyst puts her foot on his head, then pushes it away looking mildly grossed out and continues laughing.)

Garnet: Hmm.

Amethyst: Ok ok. We got a Slinker to slink! *cartwheels away; Steven attempts cartwheel, but fails halfway through*

Me: wait up!

Amethyst: Hmm... Where would I go if I were a monster... *walks to a large hole in the wall* Hey! Over here!

Me: Good girl! You picked up the trail!

[Int. The Hole]

(Steven, Amethyst and I are walking together in the hole.)

Steven: I didn't even know you could come back this different!

Amethyst: *annoyed* Thanks, Steven.

Me: So, complements aside. Why did you think that this is a good form?

Amethyst: *walks ahead off-screen* 'Cause I like walking!

Steven: Wow... I want four legs too!

Garnet: No, you don't. [Amethyst continues walking as Garnet continues speaking] Amethyst rushed her regeneration; she should've taken her time.

Steven: *off-screen* Like Pearl? (Amethyst stops walking, offended. Cut back to Garnet and Steven, who stop walking.)

Garnet: Yes, Pearl put a bit more... thought into how she came back.

Me: And thinking before acting is not Amethyst's strong suit.

Amethyst: *off-screen for a second* Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! *now onscreen* You know I can hear you! *lifts up hair which reveals her oversized ear*

Me: I can see that!

Amethyst: I'm sorry I'm not like Pearl with her fancy form, and her clean room with no monsters in it! (The Slinker crashes through the hole and makes another hole while Amethyst 'poofs', Garnet and Steven and I try to block it.)

Me: Amethyst! (Steven, Garnet and I look through the hole.)

Steven: Amethyst? (Garnet jumps down holding Steven and me, the three of us then see the gem.) Amethyst's gem! *runs towards it* She got 'poofed' again! (Garnet walks behind Steven.)

Garnet: This is a good opportunity for her, now she can make a better form. *Amethyst's gem glows*

Steven: *gasps* She's coming back!

Garnet: *covering her shades* Hmm. (Amethyst's gem continues glowing and the light takes a body-like form. She then looks like Pearl with a bigger and longer hairdo.)

Amethyst: You're right, *snickers* this is much better!

Me: How?

Steven: *giggles, points* She's doing Pearl! *Garnet facepalms and sighs*

[Ext. Hole, Amethyst's Room, The Slinker disappears in the background, Garnet walks forward, then Amethyst and Steven catch up.]

Amethyst: Hey Garnet, what do you think of my new look, Garnet? I'm more like Pearl now! Isn't it wonderful? Ha! I feel... *mimics Pearl's twirl and hits Steven, Garnet and me* practically perfect!

Garnet: We need to focus on listening for the creature.

Amethyst: Oh, but I can't focus, all these rocks are different sizes, we'll have to organize them by shape and color. Didn't anyone tell nature how I want it to look? *Steven And I giggle*

Garnet: *continues walking* Don't encourage her.

Me: I'm not. I have no idea what's going on and under this smile I am freaking out.

Amethyst: But I need encouragement, Garnet! I need everyone's constant approval, I need to loquaciously converse so I can show off... *annoyed* how smart I am.

Steven: Uh, you can converse with me. Let's finish that quiz! Do you need to plan ahead before you act?

Amethyst: Oh, thoroughly!

Steven: Do you obsess over little details?

Amethyst: Completely entirely!

Steven: Oh wow, you're so method.

Me: Are you kiddin' me?! This is not the Amethyst I know!

Steven: (ignoring me) Next time, can you come back as me?

Garnet: *stops walking, turns around halfway* Marble's right. This is not a good choice for your form.

Me: Well, I'm not saying that she made a bad choice. It's just that she's not acting like herself...

Amethyst: Lighten up, Garnet. Can't you take a joke?

Garnet: It's not funny, you made yourself ridiculous.

Amethyst: *shouts* Ridiculous?!

Garnet: Keep your voice down; the creature. (I look behind me and see the Slinker)

Me: *craven* Sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa...

Amethyst: *growls, lowered voice* You wanted me to be more like Pearl, *shouts* and now I am!

Garnet: *intense whispering tone* Pearl would've taken a regeneration seriously!

Amethyst: What do you care, anyway? My form is my business!

Me: Sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa-sa...

Garnet: It's my business when it affects the strength of the team!

Amethyst: So what, I'm not strong enough?

Me: SLINKER! (The Slinker wraps around Amethyst and pulls her away, Garnet and Steven follow.)

Amethyst: *shouting* Are you saying I'm weak?! (The Slinker takes her in and her gem flies and lands in Steven's hands.)

Steven: *whimpers, takes the gem* Is it weird I'm getting numb to this?

Me: Nope. Whatever's going on next, I'm sure It can't get worse... (Amethyst's gem glows and floats into the air, the light making a body figure. It then lands, and is turning into a wave, Steven goes near Garnet and clings to her. Garnet puts her gauntlet on Steven's back. Amethyst regenerates into a bulky-like figure with unkempt hair.) Then again...

Amethyst: Okay, you know, I wasn't feeling this at first. But I think I might be... coming around! Ha! Yo Steven, my seams straight?

Steven: Does that new form... hurt you? *looks more scared than worried*

Amethyst: *looking upset* No. *changes to happy* Hey, Garnet, how'd you like to mix up with this? *laughs* Just a little something I put together, you know.

Garnet: This form isn't sustainable, Amethyst.

Amethyst: *worried look* But... *sighs, blushes, shouting tone* You're the one who said I needed to be stronger! Marble! You're with me on this right?!

Me: Yeah, digging the new look. But, don't you think you could've made it more... even?

Amethyst: No, because that would've taken me longer, and I would've let the Slinker get away! (Hissing is heard again, we all look around)

Me: Speak of the devil.

Amethyst: (puts down her fist) Okay, if it's my monster then I'll deal with it! (She runs toward a pile of rocks, punches it out of her way, debris falls as Steven, Garnet and I follow her.)

Me: Man, what an arm!

Steven: Amethyst!

As we continued through Amethyst's room we finally had the slinker cornered. Amethyst decided to fight the beast herself, she pinned the corrupted gem against the wall and struggles to poof it the way it poofed her.

Garnet: *off-screen* Let it go!

Amethyst: No! You wanted me to be stronger; I'm doing it! I'm being what you want!

Garnet: I don't want this! *Amethyst's fist deforms*

Me: That's not good.

Amethyst: *pushes the Slinker against the wall* Well, what do you want? Just tell me and I'll do that!

Garnet: I can't tell you, Amethyst! You have to figure this out for yourself! *Amethyst screams*

Steven: She can't! She doesn't want to think about herself! *Garnet turns around*

Amethyst: What? (The Slinker eats her, causing her to 'poof', Garnet punches The Slinker, her gem flies and Steven catches it again.)

Me: Eat this! (I summon my axe and threw it towards the Slinker, then it poofed) Score one for the girls back home!

[Trans Int. Beach House, with Steven holding the gem in his hand]

Pearl: (Steven is holding Amethyst's gem in his hands lying on his stomach with the blanket on top of him, while I rest on Steven's bed] I knew that thing was real! When Amethyst gets back, we have to go find it! *walks over to Steven* How long has it been?

Steven: 4 hours...

Pearl: 4 hours?! She's never taken so long!

Me: And two weeks ain't long enough?

Pearl: What do you think she's doing in there?

Garnet: *with her arms crossed* I'm not sure, I was too hard on her.

Steven: *sighs, then Amethyst's gem glows* Oh, oh, she's back! (Amethyst's gem floats in mid-air and the light makes a body figure.)

Me: Oh boy, If she messes this one up, I'm outta here.

Steven: All right, everyone be supportive. (Amethyst's gem continues glowing and Amethyst is back with a new outfit. She lands on the table and stretches.)

Amethyst: What?

Me: Well, whadaya know. She's actually normal.

Steven: *disappointed* Aw, you barely changed.

Pearl: Steven!

Garnet: It's perfect.

Amethyst: Eh, whatev. It's just what feels right.

Garnet: That's why it's perfect.

Pearl: It is a marked improvement! You finally fixed that shoulder strap that's always bugged me!

Steven: *gives her a hug* Welcome back!

Pearl: *gives her a hug, too* Well done, Amethyst!

Amethyst: *blushing* Knock it off! *Garnet hugs her too* We gotta go find the Slinker!

Me: I don't think he'll be much of a problem now.

Amethyst: What do you mean?

Steven: Not important. Hug time.

Amethyst: Ugh, this is so dumb.

Me: Great to see you didn't change.

[Star-shaped iris closes on Amethyst, who cutely smiles and sighs in satisfaction, ending the episode.]


	30. Year 2 - Keeping it Together

**Year 2: Keeping It Together**

Me: So what's the situation, G?

Garnet: We need to track down Peridot. We found her pod. We know she's out there somewhere. She came to Earth with a job to do and odds are, she's still gonna try to do it. That's why I've gathered you here. (Steven, Pearl, Garnet, Amethyst, and I are then shown folding Steven's t-shirts.)

Steven: I thought it was so you can help me fold all this laundry!

Garnet: That too. The chore wheel idea you had fell apart fast.

Me: It was good at first, until someone rigged the wheel...

Amethyst: Wasn't me. (Steven's fridge has a chore wheel that has Pearl's name on top of every segment, with every other name crossed out)

Pearl: I just really enjoy doing all of those things.

Garnet: It's better if we do them together.

Amethyst: Humans should just stop wearing clothes; it'd be a lot funnier.

Me: I don't find people walking around in the nude..*snickers* Oh, who am I kidding, it's hilarious!

Steven: Well, I'm a civil-i-fied part human, thank you very much. Clothing is a must. Hm... this is a lot. I bet this folding would go faster if Ruby and Sapphire were here!

Garnet: I'm sure they'd be glad to see you Steven. But I am not unfusing for laundry.

Steven: Aw.

Pearl: Garnet, you don't think Peridot would come looking for us, do you?

Me: If she does, I'd say bring her on! I'd like to be the first one to make a tennis racket out of her triangle head!

Garnet: We weren't her priority. She was sent here to do something in the Kindergarten.

Pearl: Do you think she's still going to try to reactivate it?

Garnet: Mmm... If she gets it back up and running, the injectors will turn back on.

Steven: Injectors? What're those?

Me: Dont'cha remember? There the things that make gems.

Pearl: It's not just that, Marble. If Peridot reactivates them, *projecting a hologram from her gemstone* they'll pick up right where they left off, planting Gems in the crust of the Earth, where they'll incubate and suck the life right out of the ground. We can't let Peridot restart Gem production here. If we do, the entire planet will become...

Garnet: (Garnet finishes Pearl's sentence) Janked.

Amethyst: Garnet, that mouth! (laughs)

Garnet: Don't worry, we'll stop her. C'mon, Crystal Gems.

Pearl: Coming!

Amethyst: As long as we don't have to fold anything.

Garnet: Steven.

Amethyst: C'mon, that means you too, right? (Steven gasps excitedly and runs to the warp pad, donning a determined look on his face)

Garnet: You're a civilified part-gem too after all. (ruffles Steven's hair)

Pearl: Garnet, are you sure we should bring Steven? This might be dangerous.

Garnet: Peridot's got nothing we can't handle.

Me: *snickers* Janked. (we all warp)

[In the Kindergarten]

Pearl: *projects flashlight from gem* Well, nothing looks activated. In fact, i-it doesn't look like anything's budged since the last time we were here.

Garnet: You're right. But just because Peridot hasn't been here yet, it doesn't mean she won't come.

Steven: Hm.

Garnet: Let's do a thorough check of the perimeter.

Steven: Mm-hmm.

Garnet: That way, we can monitor any future entry.

Steven: Hmm.

Garnet: Marble, you go with Steven.

Me: Right. (Steven and I wander around, inspecting the Kindergarten.) Now, Steven. When we see Peridot, let me do the talking. And the punching, and the chopping off of her limb enhancers.

Peridot: Log date 6 5 2. (Peridot rises from an elevator.) *fiddles with touchscreen* This is Peridot, updating status. Still stuck on this miserable planet... The fusion experiments are developing properly. A few have even emerged early. *shrieks, seeing Steven and me*

Me: So...(I summon my axe) How are things? (Peridot looks around.)

Peridot: *whispering* Are... the other ones... with you...?

Me: If you are asking if they are with us presently, no. (Steven shakes his head) But if you're asking if they are in the area, yes. (Steven nods) But then again, there is a likely chance that they are in the same area as us. (Steven shrugs as he nods)

Peridot: So, they are here?

Me: Yes.

Peridot: *dissipates touchscreen* Of course! Why not... *facepalms*

Garnet: *distantly* Peridot!

Pearl: There she is! (The Crystal Gems begin to pursue Peridot as she flees)

Amethyst: Nowhere to go!

Pearl: You're cornered! (The Crystal Gems chase Peridot to a wall. Peridot scales the wall, walking up it.)

Steven: Hey! We can't do that!

Pearl: Neither can she! *hurls spear*

Peridot: *ducks, then looks back, grinning* Ha! Missed! (Pearl's spear hits an Injector, dissipates. Peridot shrieks, trying to flee, but the Injector collapses and hits Peridot on the way down. The Injector hits the ground harshly.)

Steven: Do you think she's hurt? (Peridot emerges from the rubble and flees.)

Amethyst: *laughs* Nope! *tethers Peridot with whip, but Peridot generates an electrical current, electrifying the whip with the tip of her finger.) *drops whip* Whoa! Hot whip! *growls*

Peridot: *running* You Crystal Clods! Go ahead! Wreck this place! See if I care! I already got what I needed!

Pearl: Get back here! (Peridot's fingers turn into helicopter-blades, lifting her from the ground as she laughs maniacally, smiling)

Me: Come down and fight, coward!

Amethyst: I'm gonna bop her good!

Pearl: I'll help! (Pearl and Amethyst pursue Peridot off-screen.)

Steven: Hurry, Garnet! (Steven and I are seen running but Garnet is holding Steven by the back of his shirt, and holds me by the arm)

Me: What? Why are we running?

Garnet: If Peridot's mission was to reactivate the Kindergarten, the injectors would be on. Look [Camera pans to injectors] They're not.

Steven: Oh! Oh...

Garnet: Let's see what she was actually doing. *lifts up the collapsed Injector* Down here.

Steven: Oh. Oh! You're brains and brawn! The whole package!

Me: Ahem! *Steven turns to me*

Steven: Next to you, Marble.

Me: Don't feel too bad, Garnet. Second place isn't all that bad.

Steven: But still, how is it that you're so strong and smart? Is it 'cause you're a fusion?

Garnet: I have to keep some of my secrets.

Steven: Aw, please? I wanna know! (Garnet chuckles, then, she, Steven, and I slide down into the Kindergarten Prime Control Room.) Is the strong part of you Ruby and the wise part of you Sapphire?

Garnet: It's all of both. When two gems combine, it creates something greater than the sum of their parts. That's why I'm so great.

Me: Pfft! This coming from a fusion. I however, am one whole part. Strong, agile... *slides into a dirt pillar*

Garnet: Though not very cunning.

Me: Touche... (We look at the control room.)

Steven: I don't know how but... this place is even creepier than the last time we were here.

Garnet: Yes. There's something going on.

Steven: The power's not on. What was Peridot doing?

Garnet: It looks like she pulled these out of the walls. Something's strange. (A noise comes out from a dirt pillar. Garnet comes close to it.)

Me: What was that?

Steven: Garnet? (runs to Garnet, Then the dirt pillar shakes.) Is there... something in there?

Me: I'm not afraid if that's what you're thinking...(A Creature falls from the ceiling, causing Steven and I to shriek) Is that foot... attached to a wrist?

Steven: Whoa. (More same kind of creature falls. I back away with my axe in my hand) What are they? *the hand-foot creature Garnet's holding approaches Steven's face, but Garnet poofs the creature and grabs it* What is it? It looks like... two gems shards, stuck together. (Garnet grunts disgusted, throws away the shard) Is that what all these things are? Gems... stuck together? (Dirt pillar cracks.) What was that? (Dirt pillar explodes, revealing a Cluster Gem.)

As the corruted monster forms and slowly approaches us, Garnet and I were trrified as we share a fear of these abominations, but for different reasons. I was scared of them beacuse they were just body parts attached to each other and it freaked me out, while Garnet is horrified of them because those abominations were... **FORCED FUSIONS!**

Steven: Garnet. Marble. Uh, guys. What do we do? (gets grabbed by a cluster gem) AH! Please, talk to me! Ah! (He summons shield and starts fending off the corrupted Gems. I back up against Garnet)

Garnet: Ugh! *her glasses are knocked off; then she cries, shocked* These were Crystal Gems, shattered into pieces. They were buried together.

Steven: Why aren't you moving?

Garnet: They were forced together... They were forced to fuse! This is wrong! Uh, uh, I'm sorry. (Garnet starts to unfuse.)

Steven: *afraid* NO! No, Garnet, you're coming undone! Garnet! Garnet! *pushes another hand away with his shield* Garneeet! Please, what's the matter?! Marble! Help me! *I stood there as horrified as Garnet*

Me: I...

Steven: Garnet, please! *Garnet unfuses further* This isn't like you! (Upon hearing Steven's last words, Garnet regains control and starts to fuse back as she pushes the cluster away powerfully, defeats it and then bubbles it* We did it! *Garnet falls silent* Garnet?

The fusion just stood there breaking apart at the sight the conjoined shards. I wouldn't blame her, those things had a haunting hold on me as well...

Garnet/Ruby: So this is what Homeworld thinks of fusion!

Garnet/Sapphire: We couldn't have known they would do this...

Garnet/Ruby: This is where they've been. All the ones we couldn't find. They've been here the whole time!

Garnet/Sapphire: Rose couldn't have known.

Garnet/Ruby: This is punishment for the rebellion!

Garnet/Sapphire: *sobbing* It's not our fault!

Garnet: (She sends Gem Shards into the Burning Room, then turns to him.) St-Steven...

Amethyst: Yo. (She enters the control room with Pearl.) We're back.

Pearl: Garnet, we lost Peridot. Her fingers were too fast for us. *two hands fused climb up on Amethyst* Um... *Pearl grabs them* What are these things?

Garnet: Put them down!

Steven: Uh!

Pearl: Wha... *throws the hands away*

Garnet: We need to poof and bubble all of them. We can't let any escape. (Garnet poofs the hands and the screen turns black. Then the temple appears and Steven warps onto the hand on which there is a washer and a clothes dryer with a basket of laundry. He notices Garnet is leaning against the hand's thumb and me sitting by the washer.)

Steven: Oh. Hey, guys. How's it going?

Garnet: Still damp.

Steven: *looks at the dryer* Oh. Right. The clothes. There are towels in there. Do we even have plumbing up here? How do you get the washer and dryer to work?

Garnet: *waving her left hand* Magic. (Steven laughs but Garnet starts frowning and he looks sad.)

Steven: Are you... alright?

Me: Sorry you had to see that.

Steven: Oh it's okay.

Garnet: It's not okay.

Steven: ...Why?

Garnet: What Homeworld did, taking the shards and parts of fallen gems and combining them; those gems weren't asked permission. Fusion is a choice- those gems weren't given a choice. It isn't right; it isn't fusion!

Me: *sighs* Guess I'm not as made of stone as I thought.

Steven: It's okay, Marble. (The dryer beeps, Steven looks at Garnet as he takes the clothes out of it.) What's it like, being a fusion?

Garnet: You fused.

Me: As we previously established.

Steven: I mean, like, all the time. Do you forget who you used to be?

Garnet: You forget you were ever alone. *smiles for a split second* You know, when you fuse, you don't feel like two people, you feel like one being. And your old names might as well be names for your left arm, and your right.

Steven: When you split up, is it like you disappear?

Garnet: I embody my- I mean, Ruby and Sapphire's love. I'll always exist in them, even if I split apart. But the strength of that love keeps me together, *smiling* so I can stay Garnet for a very long time.

Steven: *smiling widely* That's why you're so great.

Me: But here's the thing: I'm not a fusion. Don't have anybody to always have my back. No one to make me whole. No one to keep me together. I'm just one being. Alone... *Steven puts his hand on my shoulder*

Steven: No one said you had to be alone. (I look at him and smiled. Then, a white and baby blue sock flies out of the basket and Steven gasps.) Oh no! (Garnet grabs the sock before it flies away.)

Garnet: Don't wanna break up a pair.

Steven: Yeah. (He hands a white and light pink, similar-looking sock to Garnet who folds them together.) They belong together. (Garnet puts the sock pair in the basket)

[END]


	31. Year 2 - Chille Tid

**Year 2: Chille Tid**

As you may recall, Jasper fused with Lapis and banished themselves to the bottom of the ocean. And we stopped at nothing to find them. Though it could help to take a small break...

[Amethyst, Pearl, and I are sitting in a life raft in the middle of the ocean, wearing life jackets. Amethyst is holding Steven, also wearing a life jacket, by the ankles under the water]

Pearl: *looking over the edge of the life raft, visible bags under her eyes* Guh! This isn't getting us anywhere.

Amethyst: *sleepily* What's the matter, Pierogi? You tired?

Pearl: *annoyed* I don't get tired, I get results.

(Steven is looking from side to side underwater. He begins to gargle and reaches for his neck as he begins to run out of air. Wiggling his legs, he attempts to signal to Amethyst that he needs to be pulled up.)

Amethyst: *speaking slowly with visible bags under her eyes* Was the sign for "pull me up" one wiggle or two?

Me: I think it was one.

Pearl: Amethyst, stay focused! (Amethyst lets go of Steven's legs in order to shrug at Pearl's response while Pearl is searching the water using her gem as a flashlight* For all we know, Lapis and Jasper's fusion could be right under our noses! (gasps as Steven floats to the surface of the water with the aid of his life jacket. He gasps for air and spits out a fish, then grabs it midair and tosses it back.)

Steven: This is why we wear life jackets.

Pearl: Ah! Are—are you alright?! (Garnet emerges from the water, picking up Steven and climbing into the life raft)

Me: Anything yet, Garnet?

Garnet: *sighs* Nothing. (tosses Steven on the floor of the raft, then Steven flops around in the raft with his eyes out of focus, imitating a fish out of water.)

Me: Ugh! We're getting nowhere! Somewhere down there, part of that monster's aching to get loose! We gotta find her!

Pearl: But it feels like we've been searching for light years!

Amethyst: Uh, light years measure light... *pokes Steven's stomach, causing him to spit out another fish* not years.

Pearl: *throws hands up in air in exasperation* Guh! *attempts to lean on the side of the raft* And I'm sick of these... life diapers!

Me: *laugh* Life diapers.

Steven: Safety is no punchline, Pearl. (He gets up and grabs a life jacket to give to Garnet.)

Garnet: Safety is our job. We must find Jasper and Lapis. As it stands, their fusion is a ticking time bomb. (She throws the life jacket Steven gave to her over the edge of the raft and makes her own appear.)

Steven: *worried* Is... Lapis gonna be okay?

Garnet: She had control when she used her power to drag their fusion into the ocean. But, a fusion like theirs is unstable, bound together by anger and mistrust. If that bond snaps, their anger will take over, and destroy.

Me: I don't like the sound of that.

Steven: *looking at the water, in a tired, slurred voice* Don't worry, Lapis, we won't let you sleep with the fishes... *yawns*

Garnet: We're gonna have to keep looking. But first, let's bring Steven home.

Steven: *asleep on the floor of the raft, then sputters as he wakes up* Huh, wha—? *stands up, one eye slightly closed in grogginess, drooling slightly* No, I'm— I'm— I'm fine! Let's— let's go fishing! *walks over to the edge of the raft, sleepily mumbling* First one to catch something wins... *falls over the edge*

Garnet: *catches Steven before he falls into the water* I win.

[At the Beach House]

(We walk inside)

Pearl: We should be out there, searching! Not in here, not searching!

Steven: *quoting himself* "Sleep is a curse, and yet a curse I need to live." -Steven Universe.

Me: I don't follow.

Garnet: Steven isn't like us. He needs rest.

Steven: Don't you guys need rest too? You look exhausted.

[Close up on the trio. Garnet's face is lined with creases. Amethyst is drooling slightly, her face squashed down. Pearl is squinting, her hair disheveled.]

Garnet: *voice strained by her stiff face* We look awesome. [pan to me sleeping on the ground]

Me: *snores* No more for me thanks, I'm driving...

Steven: *walks over to the couch* Look, you can't really knock sleep until you try it. *picks up pillows* And maybe we can throw a little fun into the mix, with- *throws the pillows on the floor* a slumber party!

Pearl: *eye twitching, disgusted* Fun?

Steven: Yeah! All of us together, peacefully dozing off. *lies on the pillows* It'll be like there isn't a vengeful fusion boiling the ocean with hatred. Marble knows what I'm talking about. Right, Marble. *I wake up*

Me: Uh? What are we talking about?

Garnet: *walks over to Pearl and Amethyst, putting her hands on their shoulders* Steven's right. You should stay here and relax. But I'm going. *straining with her teeth clenched* Because I'm always relaxed.

Me: Doesn't look that way.

Pearl: He's right, Garnet. You couldn't possibly search the ocean by yourself! At the very least, let me— uh, let us, help you! *pumps fist in the air* We're a team!

Garnet: No, right now you're a party. A slumber party. *walking backwards toward the warp pad, facing the other Gems* Steven, put these gems to bed. Don't stay up too late. There's snacks in the fridge. Bye.*warps*

[In Steven's room]

Steven: Now, before we get our slumber party started, *picks up a tray of three different stuffed toys* would any of you care for a slumber companion? [On the tray there's a brown bear, looking away, a light brown tuft of hair on its head; a green cat with a blue scarf around its neck and lighter green cheeks, eyes shut in the shape of an X and a wide smile; and a yellow creature slumped over, hair spiked up, its arms stretched in front of it.]

Amethyst: *arm stretched in rejection* I'm good. (She flops over onto her stomach and begins snoring, her cheeks covered in anime-esque blush lines)

Me: She looks so cute when she's sleeping.

Steven: *nods and makes noises of approval, staring at Amethyst* *looks to Pearl* Pearl?

Pearl: *raises hand in rejection* I'll pass on the slumber pals.

Me: Hey Steven, hope 'ya don't mind but I'm sleepin' in your bed.

Steven: No problem. *walks away with tray* Sleep it up, then!

Pearl: *sitting with legs crossed to one side* Oh! Right. (She switches to sit cross-legged, eyes half closed.) Is... this right?

Steven: No, you should lay down.

Pearl: I get it now. (She switches to lie down on her front, pulls up a pillow to put beneath her head. Her eyes are half open.) Am I doing it?

Steven: [Camera pans as he walks up to Pearl] Well, that's way better than before. *sits near Pearl* But close your eyes all the way.

Pearl: *closes eyes* Okay. *nods her head on the pillow* Alright. *nods again* I'm sleeping now. I'm sleeping.

Steven: You can't talk while you sleep.

Pearl: *opens eyes and looks at Steven* How is this even supposed to work?!

Steven: It's easy! *flops onto his stomach with an audible thump* You just lie down, get nice and comfy, *puts arms under head* Don't move... *speaking slower* And don't think about a-a-a-a-anything... *falls asleep*

Pearl: *sighs* I don't know why humans even need to sleep.

Me: Don't worry, Pearl. We don't have to sleep in a slumber party.

Pearl: We don't?

Me: Nah, there's tons of cool things we can do.

Pearl: Like what? *I hit Pearl with a pillow* Ack! Why would you do that!?

Me: It's a pillow fight! Slumber party tradition! Now, you hit me. *I give a pillow to Pearl and tries to hit me with it*

Pearl: Like this? *softly hits me*

Me: Yeah, but a little harder. Like this! *I hit Pearl with a pillow*

Pearl: Aren't you afraid you're gonna hurt someone?

Me: Relax, P. They're just soft pillows, it's not like were using our weapons. Because THIS is the only weapon I need! (I got ready to hit Pearl again, but just then Steven woke up. Pearl lies down next to him, with her face close to his.)

Pearl: Are you okay? (Steven stands up, startled and confused. He leans against the window.)

Me: Whoa, you all right, little guy?

Steven: Oh, man. I fell asleep and had this weird dream. *touches his face* I opened the door, and Lapis was there, and—

Pearl: Well that doesn't make any sense. *closes eyes and points matter-of-factly* Lapis is fused with Jasper at the bottom of the ocean.

Steven: *stares at Pearl* ... You've never had a dream before, huh?

Pearl: Uh... I don't think so.

Steven: Well, Pearl, *slumps to the floor* dreams don't always make sense. When you dream, the thoughts in your head get all mixed up into a weird movie. And they're really hard to explain, which is why they're boring to listen to. Like *sigh* this one time, I had a dream, where, like, these things... were being sold at the Big Donut, right? But the front door of the Big Donut shop led to the back of my dad's van? (As Steven talks about the dream, Amethyst wakes up and looks around.) So, I go into the van, and... Lion is driving, for some reason, but, he's driving really well. *talks slower* And, and then I say to him, I, I says... Lion. *yawns* Lion, how did you learn to drive you, a, v-v-van? Y-you can't even, you, you can't.. bring... me... my... *falls asleep*

And so, Steven dozed off to dreamand once again. But as he dreamed, he literally couldn't get Lapis out of his head. I could tell you what the dream was about, but this is being told in my POV.

Steven: *wakes up* Lapis! (Notices me and Amethyst giggling) Amethyst? Hey, what are you guys laughing at?

Me: Shh! Pearl's dreaming!

(Amethyst laughs and points up. Pearl is asleep and projecting her dream from her gem. In the dream, she is laughing and holding onto Rose as the two ride a large slice of pizza like a surfboard. The childlike drawing of the sun and a crescent moon are in the background, smiling. The sound from the dream sounds like an old phonograph.)

Pearl: *laughing* Ah, hahahaha ha! Oh, Rose, this is wonderful! I'm just having so much fun spending time with you, Rose! *blushes* Forget about Greg! *looks upwards, stars in her eyes* Let's go travel the galaxy!

Rose: *in a deep voice* Pearl, thank you so much *turns showing Greg's face on Rose's body* —for fixing my van! (Pearl screams in horror. Greg gags as a slice of pizza slides out of his mouth. The dream stops and Pearl wakes up exacerbated and disgusted. She sits up, gagging, Amethyst still giggling.)

Me: Ahhahahahahaha! Oh man! That was better than television! You should dream more often!

Steven: Pearl!

Pearl: *looks at Steven* Uh... yes, Steven?

Steven: I had... another dream about Lapis.

Pearl: Oh, that's okay! Dreams aren't real! They're just "mixed up movies"!

Steven: But I-I think I was talking to her.

Me: *stops laughing* Wait. You talked to her?

Pearl: Wait. How do you know?

Steven: I don't, but... I could just feel it. She was yelling, and... she was really freaked out.

Pearl: What did she say? Is she still in control?

Steven: I... I don't know.

Pearl: Steven, you could be using your dreams to connect with her mentally.

Amethyst: Can you do it again? Maybe Lapis can just tell you where they are.

Steven: I guess we have to go back to sleep! *lies down* Quick! Pearl, tell us about your dream so I can fall asleep!

Pearl: M-my dream?!

Me: Yeah! Details! Details!

Amethyst: Come on, Pearl! It's for the greater good! Heh hah!

Pearl: Ugh! If I must... *closes eyes and breathes in* So, in my dream, I was... wha? (Steven snores. Amethyst and I laugh.)

Me: Wow, must be that boring!

Amethyst: He been sleep.

Time ticks by as Steven continued to communicate with Lapis in his dreams. During his time he found out that Lapis wasn't holding up since she and Jasper fused. The rest was a blur. Once Steven woke he was terrified of what he saw.

Steven: *wakes up* Lapis! *panting, hugs Pearl*

Pearl: Steven, it's okay, we're here.

Amethyst: Did you see her?

Me: What did she tell you?

Steven: Yeah, she's still fused, and she's still in control, but I don't know for how long, and— (Garnet enters.)

Garnet: This... is a weird party.

Steven: Garnet! *runs up to her and hugs her legs*

Garnet: Steven, you're still awake!

Steven: *speaking fast, frantically* Amethyst was on a skateboard, and then Dogcopter meowed at me and was just not interested in what I had to say at all, *looks away and mutters* and I might have some issues I need to work out, but - Lapis! She's out there and she's still—

Garnet: *shushes Steven, then puts a hand on his shoulder as she speaks* I know you're worried, but there's nothing we can do right now. *picks up Steven and drops him near the other Gems* So let's take it easy. *cracks knuckles* I'll show you how it's done. *falls face down on the sleeping bag*

Pearl: That's pretty convincing.

Me: Is she dead?

(The star closes in on the scene while Garnet snores.)

Me: Nope.

[END]


	32. Year 2 - Cry For Help

**Year 2: Cry For Help**

It was a pretty slow day for us. Steven, Amethyst, and I were watching TV up in Steven's room, watching his favorite show "Crying Breakfast Friends". My favorite show, it is not.

(In the cartoon, two ice cream scoops fall on the ground, which Crying Pear and Sad Spoon start crying about. A piece of bacon arrives and starts crying as well.)

Amethyst: I don't get this cartoon, man. Why don't they just eat that ice cream off the floor? They don't have to cry about it.

Steven: If they didn't cry, it wouldn't be called "Crying Breakfast Friends". (The TV's signal starts glitching.) Aw, not again. It was doing this yesterday too.

Me: Even the TV has taste.

Amethyst: Hang on, I got it. (She gets up and go to the TV set, then kicks it softly a few times, but it doesn't change anything.) How about now? (The TV set suddenly starts vibrating.)

Steven: *surprised* It's never done that before. (A glitched video of Peridot saying gibberish appears)

Peridot: This is Peridot transmitting on all frequencies from abandoned crystal system colony planet Earth, to Yellow Diamond.

Me: Boring! What else is on? *I click through channels but Peridot was on each one*

Peridot: My mission has been compromised, my escort and informant *raises two fingers to indicate number* are gone and I am now stranded! *sounding desperate* Please send help! *the video repeats* This is Peridot transmitting on all frequencies from... (All the Crystal Gems are now looking at the TV, and Steven is calling someone.)

Steven: Okay, thanks. *hangs up* Connie says it's on her TV too.

Pearl: But where could Peridot be broadcasting a signal that strong?

Me: I may have an idea...

[At the Communication Hub]

(Lion comes out of a portal with Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and me on his back. He immediately drops down once they've arrived, and Steven pops out of his mane.)

Steven: *comes out of Lion's dimension gasping for air* Lion, are you okay? *pets him on the head*

Garnet: It's as I feared. (The Communication Hub is glowing and shooting a beam of light towards the sky.)

Pearl: I don't know, but it looks like Peridot somehow repaired the Communication Hub. Well, at least some of it.

Steven: So... we just gotta wreck it up again, right? *to Amethyst* You guys should form Sugilite- (I cover his mouth)

Me: Ahh, bup-bup-bup-bup-bup! Not this time, kid!

Amethyst: *smiling widely, to Garnet* What do you say? (Pearl looks scared in the background.) Shall we mash it up?

Garnet: No.

Me: Oh, good.

Amethyst: But, don't we need to be huge like last time?

Garnet: Last time was a disaster. Last time we fused, Sugilite went berserk. It's because of her that we can't even warp here anymore. takes off her visor* I can be brash, you can be reckless. And we can both get carried away.

Me: Thank you, Garnet.

Garnet: So, for the time being, (She puts her visor back on and Amethyst's reflection can be seen in them.) Sugilite is benched. What we need now is to be careful. *Steven gasps* It's you and me, Pearl. Let's fuse. (Pearl looks astonished as she begins to tear up.) Don't cry, Pearl. (Pearl tries to not cry and quivers as she strongly breathes in through her nose.) Come on, let's do this.

Pearl: I'm right behind you. *sniffling*

Me: Yes! *To Steven* You're in for a show, now!

Steven: *running towards them* Woo-hoo! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! Fusion! *sits to the left of Lion*

Garnet: *her gemstones glow* Ready.

Pearl: *grunts as she stretches* Hang on, it's been such a long time...! *Pearl's gemstone glows* (They begin to dance. Garnet throws Pearl into the air, and she spins midair before spread eagle falling back down into Garnet's arms and they fuse as a flash of orange light begins to emanate from Garnet's prior position.)

?: Goo-o-o-o-od evening, everybody! (Pearl and Garnet's fusion lashes the pillar of light, which turns into a falling curtain and small lightning dragonflies.) *struts over to Lion, Steven, and Amethyst and does a twirl* This is the lovely Sardonyx! Coming to you a-live from the soon-to-be-former Communication Hub! How are y'all doin' tonight?

Amethyst: *sarcastically* Great...

Steven: *gasps* Giant woman!

Me: WOOO! SARDONYX! I'M YOU BIGGEST FAN!

Sardonyx: I know you are sweetie. *brings two hands down in front of Steven* Oh my stars! (Steven jumps into her hands as she lifts him up to her face.) If it isn't Steven Universe! We finally meet. So, what do you think? (She spins her torso a full 360 degrees with her other pair of hands touching her hair.) Was I worth the wait? *looks confused, followed by ecstatic* What am I saying? Of course I was! *laughs* (Steven then stands up in her hands.)

Steven: *starry eyes* Wow, you're so articulated!

Sardonyx: Well, aren't you the sweetest little charmer! *brings other pair of hands to Steven and starts squeezing him lightly* I could literally squish you right now! It would not be hard.

Steven: *laughing as he's being squished* No... *laughs* ha-ha!

Sardonyx: *brings us closer to her face* Sorry, I'm just so excited to be here. You see, I haven't exactly been myself lately. *starts laughing and puts Steven and me further away from her face)

Steven: (He and I start laughing with her, then looks down to Amethyst and points to Sardonyx.) Fusion joke!

Amethyst: Ugh. *head plops into her crossed arms and groans*

Me: Oh, come on! You gotta admit that was clever!

Sardonyx: *puts Steven and me down next to Amethyst and Lion* And jokes aren't the only thing I got. Sardonyx then summons Pearl's spear, and taps her shoulder, pretending to be distracted.) Hm? *throws the spear into the air* Oh! (She then summons Garnet's gauntlets, and inwardly dual-punches the spear just as it's falling to form a war hammer. She then catches it.)

Steven: Are you gonna smash stuff with your war hammer?

Me: Steven, my lad. Sardonyx is not one to smash.

Sardonyx: Indeed, 'smash' is the word that one would use to describe what... someone else might do. *referencing to Sugilite* *Amethyst scowls* Now... *jumps up and readies a hit* The proper words used to describe yours truly are... *hits a column of the Hub and it slides through and lands on the other side* Specific! *swings again and hits more columns* Intelligent! Accurate! Faultless! *jumps past the moon* Elegant. (More pieces are knocked away as she continues listing.) Controlled! Surgical! Graceful! *jumps up and prepares final hit at top of the tower* Aaandd... Powerful! *stops just before hitting* But yes, occasionally, I am known... to smash. *lightly taps top of tower with her hammer* (The piece falls through, and the tower stops transmitting light. She lands in front of Steven, Lion, and Amethyst. She spins her hammer away from her, which disappears in a cloud of lightning dragonflies. Lion tries to catch them in his mouth.)

Me: Can I have your autograph? *I hold out a picture of Sardonyx and a pen*

Sardonyx: Sure thing, honey! *signs her name on the picture* Now, just remember everybody. If you ever have need of the lovely Sardonyx, let Pearl and Garnet know, I'll be there in a flash. (she squats down in front of Steven, Lion, and Amethyst.) Literally. (Sardonyx then poofs into light dragonflies and Garnet and Pearl replace her, in their dance position. The two look at each other and start giggling and spinning together.)

Garnet: Wooo!

Steven: Wooo! (Steven goes over to Garnet and Pearl for a group hug.) You guys were amazing!

Me: Did they put on a show or what?!

Pearl: *blushing* We were? Oh, well that's good!

Garnet: We were awesome! (Amethyst crouches down, seemingly disappointed.)

Pearl: Why don't we do that more often?

Me: That's a good question... Why DON'T you do that more often? (Amethyst continues to look disappointed)

I was always been a fan of the amazing, talented, Sardonyx. Amethsyt however did not think so. Pearl also had a hoot being Sardonyx, and yet she wishes she had a chance to do it again. Well, you know what they say: be careful what you wish for.

[Trans. to Steven's room]

Sad Spoon: Why, Pear? Why did you lie to me?

Crying Pear: I didn't mean to- *crying* hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Steven: Aw, Pear. I'd forgive her. Wouldn't you? (Garnet shrugged. Amethyst and I were walking out her room) Oh, hey, Amethyst! *waves hand to Amethyst* You're missing Crying Breakfast Friends!

Me: You say that like it's a bad thing.

Steven: But it's a really good one so far!

Garnet: Not really.

Steven: Don't worry. I'm recording it for later. (The TV starts to glitch again.) It's the signal again!

Garnet: Peridot! (Pearl comes in through the front door.) Pearl! The signal is back!

Pearl: Again?

Garnet: We need to get back out there!

Me: *gasps* Another Sardonyx show!

Pearl: Right. Steven, where's Lion? Amethyst, get your head out of the fridge!

Garnet: Let's go, guys. (Amethyst closes the fridge.)

[Back at Communication Hub]

Garnet: I hope you're ready.

Pearl: *raises her arm* You know I am.(Pearl and Garnet fuse into Sardonyx again.)

Sardonyx: What's this? An encore performance? *leans in to Steven, Amethyst and me* Just couldn't get enough of me, could you? *laughs* What are we waiting for? Let the show begin! *jumps into the air*

I watched in awe as Sardonyx smashes up the hub once again. I didn't miss a single second of that awesome performance. Little did I know, that Amethyst liked it better if she was at the wheel of Garnet's fusion.

Amethyst: (sighs)

 _ **Maybe you're better off with her**_

 _ **I think she's better for you**_

 _ **I forgot how great it felt to be us**_

 _ **Guess I got carried away**_

 _ **I had to use you to make me feel strong**_

 _ **But I don't care about that now**_

 _ **I see a tower built out of my mistakes**_

 _ **And it all comes crashing down**_

 _ **Is there something I can doo-oo?**_

 _ **Is there something I can doo-oo-oo?**_

 _ **Is there something I can doo-oo?**_

 _ **Can I make it up to you?**_

Me: Oh that was GREAT! Wasn't it great, Am? *Amethyst didn't speak to me* Hm. *To Steven* What's biting her?

Later at night by the Communication Hub...

Me: (Lion comes in with only Steven, Amethyst and me riding him.) So remind me why are we here?

Steven: Peridot's been back here twice. So the odds are good she'll come back again, right? Bam! *slams his fist into his palm* That's when we'll get her!

Amethyst: Yeah, bam! *makes same motion as Steven*

Steven: Garnet will be so impressed!

Amethyst: And then she'll think I'm cool again!

Me: This doesn't have anything to do with Sardonyx, does it?

Steven: Just think of it this way, Marble. You'll make Amethyst happy.

Me: Well, if this means helping my friend... (Steven and Amethyst are hiding behind some rocks. Steven sticks a telescope in the hole in his rock and looks around.)

Steven: Nothing, more nothing... *seems to spot Peridot on the horizon* Ah! There she is! (Zooming in reveals that Steven merely saw a cactus resembling Peridot) ...No, wait, that's just a weird cactus.

(Time goes by. Steven is sitting next to Amethyst and moving his fingers together, but not touching them together. While I was behind them sleeping)

Amethyst: I don't think she's coming. (sees Steven) Uh, what are you doing?

Steven: *switches to Steven's point of view* If you make your eyes blurry, it looks like there's a little magic sausage in between your fingers.

Amethyst: (tries it) This is stupid. It doesn't even work.

Steven: Try this! (He moves Amethyst's hair so it isn't covering her eye.)

Amethyst: Hey, don't mess with my- *sees the 'sausage'* Ooohh...

Steven: *laughs* Well, even if we didn't catch Peridot, at least I taught you a great way to pass the time! (Switches to Steven's point of view again. A little light shoots across the ground, Steven gasps.)

Amethyst: What!?

Steven: I think I saw something! Marble! Wake up! *he shakes me until I awake*

Me: Mrrph! Wha? What's going on?

Steven: It's Peridot's escape pod! She... fixed it somehow?

Me: What! Lemme take a look at that! *I look through the telescope to see Peridot's escape pod floating around the hub*

Amethyst: But I thought we had it!

Steven: Did she steal it from the temple?

Me: How did she even get into the temple? (The escape pod starts using tractor beams to put the pillars back in place.)

Steven: Woah, she's lifting the pillar guys, and she's fixing the hub. ('Peridot' gets off at the top of the hub.) What's she doing up there?

Me: Who cares? I finally get to put the hurt on that space nacho! *I charge at 'Peridot' but Steven stops me*

Steven: Marble, wait! Enhance! *zooms in with the telescope* H-hey, for some reason, Peridot kinda looks like... *Pearl turns around* ... Pearl?

Me: Pearl? *sees through the telescope*

Amethyst: What? *moves Steven from the telescope* Lemme see! (Pearl is seen in the telescope.) Oh no.

Me: That scoundrel must've kidnapped her and forced her to rebuild the hub!

Steven: Something tells me, Peridot doesn't have anything to do with this...

Me: Well, if not her. Who?... (We exchanged looks)

[back at the Beach House]

(Steven, Amethyst and I are staring at the TV, even though it's not on.)

Steven: Why would Pearl rebuild the hub? Maybe she's trying to study how it works?

Amethyst: No, I don't think that's it.

Me: Are you sure Peridot didn't forced her to rebuild it?

Steven: I'm certain. Maybe she's trying to get us more channels?

Me: Let's test it. (Steven turns on the TV, but the screen is filled with static like before. Then, as if on cue, Pearl walks up behind us.)

Pearl: *gasps, pretending to be surprised* Oh, this is no good!

Steven: *nervous and awkward* What's wrong?

Pearl: *bad acting* It's Peridot. She must've fixed the Communication Hub again! (Garnet walks up as Steven and Amethyst exchange worried glances.) Garnet, it's the hub again.

Me: *To Steven* Either she's up to somethin', or she really needs to work on her acting.

Garnet: She's evading my future vision. No matter how many times I try, I can't see us finding Peridot. *smacks lips* Come on, team. (Pearl follows Garnet, and Steven, Amethyst and I look at each other.)

[back at the Communication Hub]

Pearl: I can't believe Peridot is giving us so much trouble! But it hardly matters, right Garnet? We can disable this tower as many times as we need to, together! *awkwardly* Okay? Okay. I'm ready. Are you ready?

Amethyst: I know what she's doing.

Steven: You do? (Pearl and Garnet are about to fuse.)

Me: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!

Amethyst: STOP!

Pearl: *gasps* I-Is something the matter, you two?

Amethyst: You- you shouldn't...

Steven: Pearl... we saw you. *looks away*

Pearl: What?

Steven: You need to tell Garnet it was you!

Me: What my friends are trying to say is: *points to Pearl* YOU rebuilt the communication hub!

Garnet: I don't understand.

Pearl: I'm sorry... I-It's just... so much fun being Sardonyx with you. (Garnet drops Pearl.)

Me: So that's why you did it? So you can be Sardonyx?! This goes against the one thing vital to fusion!

Garnet: That's why I couldn't see us finding Peridot.

Pearl: Wait! Let me explain!

Garnet: You've been fixing the hub! *walks towards Pearl, who backs away*

Pearl: It really was Peridot! T-The first time...

Garnet: You tricked me!

Pearl: No! No, no, no, no! We just needed a reason to fuse! I just wanted to share a few more victories with you!

Garnet: Those weren't victories!

Amethyst: Wait, Garnet! You know, we're so much weaker than you! Fusing with you is like our one chance to feel... stronger!

Garnet: Don't defend her! Peridot is out there somewhere and Pearl's been distracting us with... nothing!

Pearl: Garnet...

Garnet: That's enough! *points her finger at Pearl* Amethyst, fuse with me!

Amethyst: But-!

Garnet: *clenches her fist* Let's just get this over with.

Me: Are you sure? Because I don't think that-

Garnet: QUIET! (her words echo around the area)

Amethyst: Don't take it personally, bud. This'll only take a few seconds...

And with that, Garnet fuses with Amethyst. And with one blow, destroyed the entire hub. Pearl just stood there as the guilt crushes her like a Sugilite crushes anything that stood in her way. Back at the temple, as Garnet warped back, she couldn't say a single word to Pearl. I wouldn't blame her, after what she did, I didn't want to speak with her either.

(Pearl walks into the Beach house, and Garnet warps in. The two walk by each other without making eye contact.)

Amethyst: Man, it sure would be nice if things worked out the way they do in cartoons.

Steven: Yeah. It would. (He points the remote at the screen and turns off the TV, and the episode.)

[End]


	33. Year 2 - Keystone Motel

**Year 2: Keystone Motel**

(I was sitting on the couch looking at the autographed picture of Sardonyx. Just then Pearl warps in and flinched when I talked to her)

Me: And where have you been?

Pearl: Uh, looking for Peridot! For a few days straight... (I give Pearl a dirty look) Steven, Marble, I know I might have... disappointed... all of you. I know Garnet is very upset with me..

Me: She ain't the only one!

Pearl: But, I'm going to prove to her that she can trust me again! (Garnet walks in through Steven's door.) Oh! Garnet! I was just looking for Peridot! She's bound to be somewhere, right? Any new ideas? (Garnet says nothing, and walks past her. Pearl looks to the floor.) I'm sorry... (Garnet stops walking)

Me: Gonna take a lot more than an apology to take back what you did! If I'm a fan of Sardonyx, I'm a fan of fusion. And you have let your fan down!

Pearl: I know. But things are going to be different. I promise. (Greg's voice is heard from outside the front door.)

Greg: Who wants to go on a *Greg walks in the door, paper in hand* road trip?! (The Gems and I turn to look at him, all holding unhappy expressions.) Umm... Is this a bad time?

Garnet: *walks to Greg* No. Please continue.

Greg: Well I gotta drive over to the next state: Keystone.

Pearl: You mean the Keystone state?

Greg: Right, the state named Keystone. I met a guy on an internet message board who's selling car wash brushes for real cheap! I just gotta meet him in Keystone and pick em' up!

Steven: I don't like those brushes, they feel weird on your fur. (I look at him funny) What?

Greg: Well, do you like motels?

Steven: Probably!

Greg: Think you'd like to stay at a motel with your favorite dad?

Steven: I don't know if you're my favorite...

Greg: What? Huh... oh, you kidder! Come here! (Steven jumps into Greg's arms.)

Steven: I can't wait to get room service!

Greg: You're thinking of a hotel, we're going to a motel. It'll have a pool, and free ice, and it's right next to the best diner in the world!

Me: I'm in. Anything to get away from her. (I glanced at Pearl, who nevously smiled)

Garnet: I'm coming too.

Pearl: What?

Steven: *gasps* Even better!

Greg: *whispering* Hey, Garnet, I know I'm talking this place up, but... it ain't exactly the Ritz.

Garnet: *smiling* I'll be the judge of that.

Greg: Well in that case... road trip!

Steven: ROAD TRIP!

Me: ROAD TRIP!

Garnet: *nods head* Road trip.

Pearl: Wonderful! I'll make sure Amethyst knows that- (sighs as Garnet walks past her out the door.) Fine! *with a strained smile* Well... goodbye!

Steven: This is going to be fun! Right, Dad?

Night fell as we drove to the Keystone Motel. I knew I should come along, because I really need to take my mind off the whole Sardonyx episode...

[Int. Keystone Motel]

Greg: Another great thing about motels, *opens room door* you can drive right up to your door! (Steven gasps in awe as they look at an ordinary motel room.)

Steven: I'm gonna swim in the pool, order a movie, get free ice! It's gonna be great! *jumps on the bed*

Greg: Not before we check for bed bugs, it isn't! (Garnet enters, carrying their bags, groaning.) Good news! We're bugless! *his cell phone lights up* Oh! That's my cue. Hey, do you mind holding down the fort until I get back? (Garnet sits, hands on her knees twitching. She gives a thumbs up with her left hand.) Great. I'm going to see a man about a tunnel brush... An internet man... If I'm not back in an hour, call the police.

Steven: Ohhkay!

Me: Got it! (Greg closes the door.)

Steven: Bounce with me girls! *jumps on bed* (notices Garnet and I are not bouncing) O-or we could look at brochures. (takes a brochure and looks at it) Oh, Keystone Caverns...

Me: Are you gonna be okay?

Garnet: *groans, appearing very tense* Yeah, I'll be fine...*pants, speaking to herself* No I won't! I don't feel like forgiving Pearl! *shakes tensely* You don't understand, we must. *grabs her shoulders* If you're not going to listen then you can just- go! (Garnet de-fuses into Ruby & Sapphire, who scream as they fall to the floor.)

Me: Oh boy...

Sapphire: *sitting, facing away from Ruby* We must move past this, Ruby.

Ruby: She lied to us so we'd form Sardonyx! She tricked us; don't you feel used?!

Steven: *stars in his eyes* Ruby! Sapphire! I, uh-

Sapphire: You're choosing to take it personally.

Ruby: *shouting, jumping to her feet* It's fusion, Sapphire! What's more personal to us than fusion!?

Sapphire: I know, you're still upset. (Steven and I are watching, feeling uncomfortable]

Ruby: Oh, so it's just me?

Sapphire: Of course not. *turns to face Ruby, expressionless, monotone* Can't you see I'm completely engulfed with rage?

Me: Hard to tell with you...

Ruby: Well, it doesn't feel like it, either. *starts tapping her foot impatiently*

Sapphire: The sooner we forgive Pearl, *starts to levitate* the better it will be for us all. *floats onto the bed*

Ruby: *yelling* You're... not... as above this as you... think you... are! *grunts angrily, her head steaming*

Sapphire: Yes, I am. (Ruby paces around the room and gets even angrier.) You can't stay angry with her forever.

Ruby: *turns and points at her* Wanna bet? (Smoke starts rising from the carpet.)

Sapphire: Ruby, the carpet. (Ruby looks down and sees the carpet burning.)

Ruby: You... I can't even... Argh! (Ruby runs out of the room, slamming the door shut.)

Me: At least you in to forgive Pearl. She took advantage of you fusion's fusion! I don't know how you can- *Sapphire stays silent* Oh, I'm going to the pool.

Steven: Right behind you! (Steven walks outside in his bathing suit, towel in hand, and walks towards the pool, where he sees Ruby pacing around angrily.) *nervously* Hey, Ruby! You wanna swim in the pool?

Ruby: It's fusion, Steven! *resumes pacing* It's like Sapphire doesn't even care! *talking quieter* And we're supposed to be the bigger Gem about this. *throws her hands up in the air, shouting* We're ALLLLLLWAYS the bigger Gem! Well not this time! Not—about—this!

Me: *in the pool* Uh...Not everyone's a bigger Gem. Except possibly me.

Ruby: Not everything needs to be about you, Marble!

Steven: Come on, w-why don't you come cool down in the pool? Hup! *cannonballs into the pool, splashing Ruby in the process*

Ruby: I don't need to "cool down".

Steven: Come on, Ruby! The water's niiice!

Ruby: *hesitates* Why does she always act like I'm being ridiculous? *walks to the bottom of the pool and continues pacing* Just because she wants to pretend like she doesn't have feelings? Oh yeah! I don't have any feelings... (Her words are muffled by water.)

Steven: Uhh, Ruby? ... You made a warm spot! (The water around him starts to bubble.) Aah! A hot spot! Boiling! (He turns red, quickly climbs out of the pool and starts panting.)

Me: Say. I didn't know this was a hot-tub.*Starts burning up* It's not... *jumps out of the pool* YEEEEOWWWWCH! (Runs into the room, which was completely frozen. I stopped and stood stiff like a statue)

Steven: *shivers* Sapphire?

Sapphire: Hello, Steven. Hello, Marble.

Me: *Frozen* Gkkkt...

Steven: A-Are you... d-d-doin' ok?

Sapphire: I'm... fine. (Frost forms on the wall behind her as she speaks.)

Steven: Okay... *jumps on bed* Wanna watch TV together?

Sapphire: Sure.

Steven: *turns on TV* Huh... t-the channels are all the wrong numbers... Hey... can you use your future powers to predict what channel I'd love the most?

Sapphire: Hmm... 43. But there's not much on. (Steven switches to the channel, and covers himself in blankets, as the frost behind Sapphire grows.)

Steven: Hey, S-Sapphire?

Sapphire: Even if I do, Ruby won't listen.

Steven: Huh?

Sapphire: You're going to say I should talk to Ruby, but it won't help.

Me: *shivers* Fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu-fu... She knows what happens next.

Steven: B-But that's just it; she seems really upset.

Sapphire: That doesn't matter. We can't stay mad at Pearl forever, and she can't stay mad at me forever, and then she'll come back and see that I'm right.

Steven: *shivering, ice forming on his face* A-A-Are you s-s-sure?

Sapphire: I can see the path of fate as it stretches toward the horizon. Ruby can't avoid the inevitable. She's just letting her emotions get out of hand.

Steven: N-N-Not you though?

Sapphire: No. (More of Sapphire's bed freezes.)

Me: Uh hello? Marble-sicle over here!

Steven: I'm... going to the bathroom. *gets up and walks into bathroom*

Sapphire: Also inevitable.

Steven: *through the closed door* Uhh... Sapphire? The toilet's frozen...

Sapphire: Such is fate.

Steven: *annoyed* Am I fated to pee outside in the grass too?

Sapphire: And carry Marble, outside to thaw out. *Steven carries me outside and shuts the door*

(Later, I was sitting by the pool with a blanket wrapped around me.)

Steven: *grumbling* Keystone state... (The headlights on Greg's van shine on Steven and Me, and the van parks.)

Me: This is not how I picture this road trip...

Greg: Hey, Stu-ball, Marbs, I brought dinner! *holds up pizza box*

Steven: Hey Dad, how'd it go?

Greg: Well, he wasn't an axe-murderer, so that was good. What are you doing outside in your bathing suit? Why does Marble look like she's got a cold? *I sneeze* And where's Garnet? (Greg looks in the room, and sees Sapphire sitting on the bed.)

Sapphire: He's not gonna like that it's square... (Greg quickly closes the door and goes back outside.)

Greg: Oh boy... Where's the other one?

Steven: She's pacing around in what used to be the pool. (Ruby is seen still pacing around the bottom of the pool, which is now steaming with no water.)

Greg: Yeah... *sits down in the back of the van* Something pretty serious must be going on if it made Garnet split up. But hey! We can still have a good time! (Greg opens the pizza box, revealing it to be a square pizza.)

Steven: Square pizza?! What's wrong with this crazy state?!

Greg: Son, there will come a time in your life when you learn to accept all pizza. *his eyes shine*

Steven: Why can't Ruby and Sapphire just... make up?

Greg: Sometimes people that love each other can hurt each other's feelings, without meaning to. We should just give them some space.

Steven: But I think they'd work it out if they'd just talk to each other!

Greg: Everything will be better in the morning. We'll all go to the best diner in the world, where we'll eat the best breakfast in the world!

Me: G-G-Good idea. F-F-F-Food solves everything. *sneezes*

Steven: You think that'll help?

Me: With my cold?

Steven: No, with Ruby and Sapphire.

Greg: *nudges Steven* Nothing like a little breakfast to bring people together!

Steven: You really are my favorite dad.

Greg: I knew this pizza would put me over the top...

The very next day we went to have brekfast at "The Best Diner In The World" or so it's title says. When the waitress served our meals, things did not go well with Ruby and Sapphire as Steven hoped.

Greg: What's the matter? Not hungry? *Ruby looks up at him*

Steven: Gems don't need to eat, Dad.

Greg: Eh... Well Garnet likes to eat sometimes.

Ruby: Argh! Well Garnet's not here! (She throws herself against the booth seat and crosses her arms, wiggling a foot impatiently. I munch on a piece of bacon)

Me: *To Ruby* So, you gonna eat that?

Greg: *nervously* Mmm... Oh boy, this really is "The Best Diner in the World"! (Ruby starts to shake the table, looking furious.)

Ruby: Oh?! (She punches the table, then continues shaking it.) Hah, I'm kinda surprised you felt anything at all, to be honest!

Sapphire: I didn't need to feel; I saw.

Ruby: E-e-everything is just so... *shakes table more violently* CRYSTAL. CLEAR. TO. YOU. ISN'T IT?! (Steven and Greg frantically lift their food from the table.)

Me: Awkward...

Sapphire: *leans over table to Steven and Greg* This will pass. She'll eventually just burn herself out.

Ruby: THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK! *summons her gauntlet* I AM AN ETERNAL FLAME, BABY! (Ruby smashes the table, causing everything to fall.)

Me: And we just got banned from a diner...

Ruby: *arguing with Sapphire* You don't know me!

Sapphire: How could I possibly not know you, we always fuse— (While the two continue to argue, Steven gasps as he sees one of the breakfasts turned into a frown.)

Ruby: Look at you! Awww-haw-haw.

Me: See what you're squabbling caused? *goes after Steven* (I follow Steven as Ruby and Sapphire look at each other and follow us outside.)

Ruby and Sapphire: Steven!

Me: Well, look what the Quartz dragged in. You two really messed up this road trip for me with your bickering! So far I've been burned, frozen half to death and caught a cold *sneezes*, and look at this bill for damages to the diner! *shows bill to Ruby and Sapphire* In all my years of being a gem, I have never seen you two fight even once! You two are supposed to be a fusion! WHY CAN'T YOU ACT LIKE ONE?!

Ruby: Marble, I-

Steven: I was so happy when Garnet said she was gonna come on this trip with me and Dad! (Ruby and Sapphire look at each other, worried looks on their faces.) Home's been awful! Here's been awful! I thought you wanted to have a fun time but, everyone's been acting awful too! It-It just came with us! I don't understand! (He looks at the ground.) Is it- is it me?

Me: This was supposed to be fun road trip for me and the kid! But you two had to go unfuse and argue, turning this whole day into one big HEADACHE! So good day to ya! *I walk off*

Ruby: No! Come back! It's all us!

Sapphire: But we made them feel... like it was their fault. *lifts a hand up to her face* I keep looking into the future, when all of this has already been solved... As if it doesn't matter how you feel in the present... *starts to cry* No wonder you think I don't care!

Ruby: Sapphire... No, no no no no no no no! This is all my fault! I-I didn't want to look for a solution, I-I just wanted to be mad! Y-You're right! You're always right! I was being stupid!

Sapphire: I don't think you're stupid!

Ruby: I'm... sorry... (Ruby brushes Sapphire's hair to the side, revealing only one crying blue eye.)

Sapphire: You honestly think I'm not upset about what happened? I was just... *Ruby wipes her tears away* trying to do the right thing...

Ruby: I know... (Sapphire sighs and holds Ruby's hand against her cheek.) *smiling* You know what's nice about being split up?

Sapphire: What? *looks concerned*

Ruby: I get to look at you. (Ruby grins, and Sapphire starts to laugh, pushing her away.)

Sapphire: Be serious!

Ruby: *hugs her* There's my Laughy Sapphy! *laughs mischievously*

Sapphire: *blushing* Shh! You're embarrassing me in front of Steven!

Me: Let him look. *Ruby and Sapphire turn to me*

Ruby: Marble! You're back.

Me: I never left. Now come here! (I grab them and lift them in my arms)

Ruby: Whoop! (they both laugh)

Me: Hey, hey, careful you don't fuse with me. (Sapphire laughs hysterically and levitates out of my arms and Ruby jumps off. The two continue laughing and playfully wrestling each other)

Greg: Well, I paid for breakfast... And the damage to the booth... Anywho, I think I'm all vacationed out. Ready to call it a day? (Steven takes a breath as if he's going to say something, but is cut off by Ruby and Sapphire fusing.)

Garnet: *smiling and adjusting her shades* Not before we get our free ice.

Steven: *starry eyed* Garnet!

And so, we returned home. After a long day at the motel, it wasn't long enough for the whole debacle that started it all to end. But long enough for Garnet to cool down.

Steven: We-e-e're ho-o-ome! (Steven, Greg and I enter, holding a bag of ice, and we see Pearl talking to Amethyst. Pearl looks sad, and Amethyst's hand is on her knee.)

Pearl: I just don't know why I keep- (Amethyst quickly takes her hand off of Pearl's leg and waves to Steven and Greg.) Oh! Uh- You look like you all had fun!

Steven: Yeah! It all worked out! (Garnet is seen standing behind us.)

Pearl: Garnet, how are you?

Garnet: *holds hand up* Not now. *walks away*

Pearl: She's speaking to me again... Kind of.

Me: Well, it's a start.

Greg: That really was a great trip.

Steven: *gasps* Can we go back?

Greg: Maybe one day... But, not to that diner! [Scene starts to close and pauses on Greg's face] Oh boy...

[End]


	34. Year 2 - Historical Friction

**Year 2: Historical Friction**

It's been a week since Pearl took advantage of her and Garnet's fusion and tried to get her to forgive her. I've tried to get my mind off it by going on a road trip with Steven, but it ended up with me and the boy stuck in a middle of fusion dispute. One day I was strolling through beach city, till I ran across little Steven hangin' out with a thespian wannabe.

[At the Beach City Stage]

Steven: Jamie, Jamie, Jamie! Where's everyone else?

Jamie: Uh, you're the only one that showed up. You and her. *Points to me entering the stage*

Me: Sup, playa?

Steven: Hey, Marble. We're holding auditions for a play, you in?

Me: Depends. What play are we talkin' about?

Jamie: "The Tale of William Dewey" *Hands copies of the script to me and Steven*

Me: William Dewey? You mean that nimrod who runs this town?

Jamie: Yes! This is my first production, so it needs to be exciting! It needs to be classic! It needs to be fully funded by Mayor Dewey. And it is... because he wrote it. (Steven opens the script; the first page reads: "By Mayor Dewey".)

Me: Well, this is gonna suck.

Bill Dewey: *walks onto the stage* On the contrary. This is the story of how Beach City was founded nearly two hundred years ago by my great-great-great-great-grandfather, William Dewey. It's a truly important historical tale with a lot of sentimental and political importance to me.

Jamie: Well, we're just about to get started, uh... Would you like to sit in on the rehearsal, Mayor?

Bill Dewey: Don't mind if I do! *sits on one of the on-stage chairs* Oh, pardon me.

Jamie: OK, Steven, since you're the only one who showed up, you'll be playing the lead role of William Dewey.

Steven: Nailed the audition!

Me: Um, excuse me! I've looked over the script and noticed there's a lack of female roles in this play.

Bill Dewey: Don't take it personally. I just didn't think there was enough room in the budget.*I frown*

Jamie: Okay. Now, as for the other roles I guess I'll have to play... all of them. (clears his throat, then starts narrating) "The ship is out at sea. The sun beats down on the crew while they stand on deck. Suddenly, the tall, ruggedly handsome man standing in front of them speaks: (As William Dewey) "Crew, I'm so glad you could be part of this journey with me as we search for a new land to build a distinguished, new city in!"

(As First Mate Buddy: ) "Oh, Captain William Dewey, you are such a good captain! Never has a voyage been so super good!"

(William Dewey: ) "Good point, First Mate Buddy! (the crew laughs) Woo-hoo for fun!"

[The scene changes, now showing three crew members looking worried]

(First Mate Buddy: ) "Oh no! Is that a wild squall approaching us? Surely this can't be good!"

(William Dewey: ) "Be calm, my crew! I'll just save us with my heroic, supernatural ability!"

Steven: *reading from the script* "And then William Dewey grows to a fifty-foot giant, and carries the boat safely to shore. The crew thinks he's so good at being captain that they elected him to be the first mayor of Beach City. The end."

Me: Wow...

Steven: I know, it's-

Me: This.. is garbage! Who wrote this?

Jamie: Well, William Dewey is a really, ah... "good" character, but maybe we could bring out another side of William Dewey? See his struggles?

Bill Dewey: The great William Dewey didn't struggle! He was good at everything on the first try! Just like me when I wrote this play! Not a single word needs to be changed! *I smack him with the script*

Me: Bad mayor! You should never try to mess up history!

Bill Dewey: Hey! Watch you frequency, lady! If you think you can do better, go right ahead!

Me: Oh, I will. For a price.

Bill Dewey: A price?

Me: Instead of a female role, I'd like to...Direct!

Bill Dewey: No deal!

Me: Okay, don't come crying to me when you're booed outta town!

Bill Dewey: Oh... Alright! You're lucky I'm desperate!

Me: *I fist pump* Yuss! *I put on a beret and hold a megaphone* Boys! You got yourself a play!

Bill Dewey: But don't forget who's funding this! (After a short pause, he gets up from his seat.) Nice hustle, gentlemen, keep it up! *leaves*

Steven: *saluting him* Aye-aye!

Jamie: This is gonna be a disaster...

Steven: What!?

Jamie: Even if you friend's taking over the play, it's a terrible story. William Dewey is totally unbelievable!

Steven: 'Cause he grows fifty feet?

Jamie: No! He's got no character!

Steven: But the script kept saying he was really good!

Jamie: Exactly! How can a guy have no faults? To be human is to be flawed. A real hero must struggle!

Steven: *clearly touched, tears in his eyes* That's so beautiful!... And also totally not represented in Mayor Dewey's script.

Me: If flaws are what you're looking for, I got a whole list of Dewey's imperfectons. *brings out a long list and reads it* He's bald, egotisitcal, doesn't know anything about politics...*continues reading*

Jamie: *sighs* My first play, and probably my last...

Steven needed some help with the play by finding something accurate about William Dewey. So he calls in a favor...

Me: Okay, here's the script. (Hands Pearl the script, and she starts reading it)

Pearl: Hmm... *reading the script* This isn't just boring. *Closes the script* It's historically inaccurate! Who wrote this?

Steven: Mayor Dewey.

Pearl: *laughs* He wasn't even there! But I was.

Steven: You were there?

Me: Doy! We've been on earth for years!

Steven: Wait! What really happened?

Pearl: Well, for starters, "ruggedly handsome" seems rather generous.

[Trans. Beach City Stage]

Jamie: *takes the script, reads it, then clenches it* You guys... This is so real! It's like it was written by someone who lived it!

Steven: It was! And I dunno if you can tell, but I wrote the jokes!

Jamie: I can tell. It's so gritty, so passionate, so...

Steven: *interrupts Jamie* Historically accurate?

Jamie: And the drama?! ... This is the play we should be doing.

Steven: Let's do it then! Let's put on this version of the play.

Jamie: But how? We'd need new costumes, new props, we have no time! And Mayor Dewey'll have our heads!

Me: Leave all that to me. Besides, what Dewey doesn't know won't kill him.

Steven: And Jamie! You said it yourself: A real hero struggles.

Jamie: By Jiminy, you're right! This show will go on tomorrow night! With you as Captain William Dewey, and I as the remaining roles.

Steven: All of them!?

Jamie: *inhales, then pumps his fist* All of them! (Steven and Jamie high-five.)

Steven and Jamie: Boom! Ah! Acting!

Me: Um, excuse me. *Steven and Jamie look at me* I'd like to suggest one last edit. *Jamie lends me his ear and I whisper and idea to him*

Jamie: I can do that.

Me: *Shouts through megaphone* OKAY PEOPLE! LET'S GET TO WORK!

[The next evening, behind the stage]

Steven: I hope Mayor Dewey isn't mad about the changes...

Me: Oh, he'll be furious! But the crowd's gonna love it, so win win. *Jamie laughs nervously*

Steven: Are you nervous?

Jamie: Of course. This could either make or break my career...

Steven: You could lose your job at the post office?

Jamie: This could either make or break my hobby. (Both of them laugh nervously, clearly sweating.)

Me: Okay! I'll be in the audience with Pearl. Make us proud, kid!

[Trans. front of the stage]

(Spotlights shine on the curtains.)

Me: Boardies and gentle-boardies, tonight, I am thrilled to present to you: The Tale of William Dewey! Directed by: me!

(Applause from the audience. Audience member yells out "Yeah, Beach City rules!" and is shushed.)

Jamie: ('As First Mate Buddy') Oh Captain, my Captain, how long until the soft lips of our sailing ship kiss the rugged beard of new lands?

Steven: ('As William Dewey') I know we've been journeying for many months, but surely we'll run into something soon. The ocean can't be that big.

Pearl: *from the audience* There he is! Hi, Steven! You're so talented! (Steven waves at Pearl.)

Me: Cool it, Pearl. You're embarrasing me!

Steven: Back home, they called me Dewey the Dunce! Said I couldn't find land even if I was standing on it! (The audience laughs.)

Bill Dewey: What the- ? (I nudge him)

Steven: And I'm starting to fear that they were right...

Jamie: What light through yon stage left breaks?

Steven: Oh, what now?

Bill Dewey: What!? This wasn't in the script! This wasn't in the budget either! *takes out a calculator and starts tapping on it*

Jamie: *Is hoisted onto the stage by a rope* ('As Pearl') Greetings! I am Pearl! *Has a party hat tied around his face to look like Pearl's nose* And I come to you as a messenger of the brilliant Rose Quartz! *Throws rose petals into the air* We ask that you turn your ship around! The land you're headed for is no walk in the park for your species.

Steven: Nonsense! I won't take orders from the likes of you!

Jamie: Hmm! *Bends down* Well then! *Stands up again, now wearing sunglasses and a box on his head that's painted black in the front to look like Garnet* ('As Garnet') You should turn around, 'lest you fall into the sea! And you know... humans aren't... *Close-up* very good... *Close-up on his lips* swimmers. *Holds up a mop with a purple gem taped to it as a substitute for Amethyst* ('As Amethyst') They ain't! *Holds up a mannequin painted purple and black* ('As Me') So you better skedaddle!

Steven: I'll just return home like the failure dunce I am... *Tips over the sail and mast of the prop ship* Ah! I can't even turn a sail right! Why must I always struggle!? (The audience laughs once more.)

Buck Dewey: *sitting next to his father* Wow, dad... What a loser. (Mayor Dewey slides down his chair, sweating and with his arms crossed. The curtains are raised once more, revealing Steven still as William Dewey and Jamie as First Mate Buddy again in the prop ship. They are balancing on one leg and tipping from side to side, making it seem like there's a storm.)

Jamie: Oh, Captain, my Captain! We've drifted miles from our course! These waves are nothing like I've ever seen before!

Steven: Nonsense! This is only a drizzle! (Jamie pours a bucket of water over Steven.) O-o-okay, maybe a light summer storm. (A monstrous roar is heard.)

Jamie: What's that portside!? ... *clears his throat* Lever.

Steven: Oh! (pulls a lever in the prop ship with his foot and a large cardboard tentacle appears from the floor of the stage; the audience gasps. Jamie leaps from the ship, grabbing onto the tentacle)

Jamie: Captain! It's got me!

Steven: First Mate Buddy!

Jamie: Whatever you do, don't give up your search! You're the bravest man I know because you try, even though you fail so, so much!

Steven: Buddy! Nooo! *Pretends to cry* (The tentacle is lowered once more, leaving Jamie on the floor behind a cardboard wave. He then crawls out of sight on his hands and knees.) *Takes off his hat* Oh, Buddy! A stale biscuit 'til the end! (The silhouette of a monster appears behind Steven, roaring. The tentacle that Jamie grabbed on to and another one on the left are raised from the floor once more.) Now my boat will sink into the depths. Dewey, the Disastrous Dunce... What's this? (Noise is heard from somewhere behind/below the stage. Another silhouette appears next to the monster, resembling a Gem Fusion. The two silhouettes begin to fight, punching sound effects can be heard.) Holy anchovies! The quadruple noogie! A move that's only been spoken of in legends! (Both the monster and the tentacles disappear out of sight, as the giant woman seems to have defeated it. The remaining silhouette then approaches the stage, becoming larger and larger.) Ah! It heads this way! Oh, please, goddess of noogies, don't hurt me. (A giant cardboard hand is lowered towards the floor of the stage as the background changes and the cardboard waves disappear. Where there was a background of ocean before, it is now a sunny beach.) Whoa! I've made it! Land! Sweet, solid land! (He leaves the prop ship and falls to his knees on the stage; begins to kiss the floorboards, but then makes a disgusted noise, gets up and holds his hand to his heart.) Thank you, giant woman.

Jamie: (Voicing the giant woman) You may not want to stay, this land is dangerous.

Steven: No! I will stay! For I am William Dewey, and I don't give up in the face of failure! *with the bad accent used earlier* That's what-a makes-a me gre-e-eat-a!

Me: I told him not to go with the accent...

Jamie: (Voicing the giant woman) Very well then. But I can't promise you I won't interfere again. (The giant cardboard hand is lowered again; Steven (as William Dewey) gives it a high-five, and it is raised back up as the silhouette disappears.)

Steven: I shall name this new land in honor of my dead first mate, Buddy.

Jamie: *Rolls onto the stage on a wave decoration with wheels as First Mate Buddy* I'm alive!

Steven: Okay, Beach City it is!

(A banner appears behind Steven and Jamie, reading "Dewey for Mayor" as a jingle plays. The audience claps and cheers, and smiles at Mayor Dewey, who's still sweating and looking nervous. I ran up to the stage and took a bow as they applauded)

Bill Dewey: ... What? (He notices that the audience is applauding him; smiles.)

Buck Dewey: Nice to know great-grandpa was a real person with flaws. Gutsy move, Dad. (The audience starts chanting "May-or Dew-ey" repeatedly, while backstage, Kristina smiles at Jamie proudly, and he smiles back)

Me: How do ya like that? I was was in charge of this play and he gets all the credit!

(Later, after the stage has been cleared)

Me: All right, everyone! Great work out there! (Jamie wearing the sunglasses from his Garnet costume, was signing autographs.)

Jamie: One for you... And one for you.

Bill Dewey: *runs onto the stage* Excuse me. If I could have a moment with the talent? (Nanefua, who has just gotten an autograph from Jamie, slaps his behind as she leaves.) Jamie! *Puts his hand on Jamie's shoulder and laughs* Oh, yeah! Fantastic work! I love the message: Vote Mayor Dewey! How about I offer you another role? Lead Director of Beach City Community Theater. You could put on more plays, as long as the budget allows it! (Close-up of Jamie, fire in the background and in his eyes as he makes an odd, excited noise.)

Jamie: *straightens up and pulls himself together* Thank you, sir. *I clear my throat*

Bill Dewey: And of course, thank you, Marble for arranging this masterpiece!

Me: And?

Bill Dewey: *grumbled* And you made a better director than me...

Me: And?

Bill Dewey: That is all.

Steven: A lot of the credit should go to Pearl! You could say she was an "inside source".

Pearl: I am a gem of many talents. A dedication to fact is just one of them.

Bill Dewey: *to Pearl, blushing* Thank you, for preserving my legacy.

Pearl: Oh, what's 200 years between friends? *pats Mayor Dewey's head*

Bill Dewey: We-e-ell, I must be off then to bask in the adulation of my constituents. *leaves*

Me: Ahhh. I did a good job.

Pearl: You? You barely did anything.

Me: Exactly! It's a director's job to do nothing. *I sit on a director's chair*

Pearl: You know... I don't remember there being a campaign slogan at the end of that story.

Steven: Art doesn't always need a reason, Pearl. Sometimes, you just gotta make the audience happy! That's why you always end on a joke! (A silence falls over the group)

*beat*

Me: Anybody got anything to end on? No? Okay, that's a wrap!

(the star closes in on Steven's face as the episode ends.)

[END]


	35. Year 2 - Friend Ship

**Year 2: Friend Ship**

[Open Int. the Galaxy Warp]

Peridot: (Peridot is carrying pieces of a broken Warp Pad.) Stupid broken warp... first, the Communication Hub, ugh... now this is busted again... *forms her touchscreen* These Crystal Gems are a menace... (One of the warp pads activates, revealing Steven, the Crystal Gems, and me, startling Peridot.)

Me: Guess who?!

Pearl: *hears me and points at Peridot* Oh, aha! Look! I was right! My plan worked perfectly!

Steven: *waves* Good mornin'!

Peridot: What!? How did you know I was here?

Steven: We found a secret way to track you, and we'll never tell you how, even if you ask nicely. (He sticks out his tongue out and pulls eyelid down.)

Garnet: Peridot! We're here to—

Pearl: *pointing* And you'll never get away with this!

Me: Uh... what Garnet was gonna say! Plus a witty comeback!

Peridot: Don't you Gems have anything better to do than annoy me!?

Amethyst: Nope, we're gonna—

Pearl: Prepare to be annoyed!

Peridot: *groans* I don't have time for this! (Peridot's fingers rearrange into a blaster, from which a small energy ball begins to form.) This planet has an expiration date, and I'm not gonna stick around to find out when! (Peridot fires the energy shot, but the force of the blast knocks Peridot over. The shot misses its target, but hits a nearby pillar, causing it to fall over.)

Pearl: Wha—!? (Steven activates his shield, protecting the group from the falling debris. Pearl turns around and glares at Peridot, who is still on the ground.)

Peridot: *looks at her blaster, then back at Pearl* Uh... (laughs nervously as Pearl charges at Peridot with her spear.)

Pearl: That's it! I'm taking her out!

Garnet: Pearl, wait! (Peridot fires a lime-colored beam which surrounds Pearl in a green circular shape, immobilizing her entirely. Peridot then begins to swing her around.)

Peridot: Ha! Sorry, but you're going the wrong way! (Peridot throws Pearl back, where she collides with Steven and thus causes his shield to disappear. Garnet holds the debris with her gauntlets.)

Garnet: *to Amethyst* Get her! (Amethyst charges at Peridot, using her spin dash attack. Peridot jumps out of the way, causing Amethyst to crash into the pile of rubble that Peridot was moving earlier. Amethyst's head pops out of the pile, and she shakes off the dust, growling. Peridot tauntingly scuttles away on her fingers.)

Peridot: Hahahaha, you missed. (I pounce on Peridot and pinned her to the ground) GAH! Get off me!

Me: Not until you say uncle! (Peridot uses her fingers to zap me in the eye, letting go of her) OW!

Steven: (Pearl is on top of Steven.) Pearl!

Pearl: Huh? (Steven nudges Pearl off of him and chases after Peridot. Peridot hops on one of the warps, only to find that it doesn't work.)

Peridot: AGH! Doesn't anything work on this cruddy planet!?

Steven: I do! (Steven forms his shield again, and tosses it at Peridot like a frisbee.)

Peridot: Huh? (The shield hits her in the head.) OW!

Garnet: *tosses a large piece of the pillar* Amethyst, catch! (Amethyst grabs the pillar with her whip, and hurls it at Peridot.)

Amethyst: Destroy! (The pillar smashes into the warp, completely destroying it, and the force of the impact launches Peridot into the air.)

Peridot: Waaaah!

Pearl: *chasing after Peridot, with arms outstretched* I got her, I got her, I got her!

Me: No, no, let me! Let me! (Garnet removes her gauntlets and begins to move backwards to try and catch Peridot. Pearl and Garnet collide into each other, with Garnet squashing me, while Peridot manages to avoid landing on them through use of her helicopter fingers. I try to reach her under the pile) Get back here!

Garnet: Get off me! (Peridot flies away as we get up.)

Pearl: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! (Pearl goes to help Garnet up, but she gets up on her own and grimaces. Pearl recoils back.)

Peridot: Wow. This is just sad. I almost feel sorry for you. (Peridot returns Steven's expression before warping away. Furious, I throw my axe at her, but I missed as she dissapears. We all stare in silence for a moment.)

Steven: *waving* Have a great weekend! (We look incredulously at Steven.)

Steven: I mean, I hope... her weekend is... not so great?

[Back at the Beach House]

(Steven and the Gems warp in, all looking noticeably distraught.)

Pearl: Okay, I realize that was a bit of a fiasco.

Me: *country accent* 'Ya darn tootin' it was miss daisy! Reckon if you'd just let me have 'er, we would've warped home proudly with another gem for the burnin' room!

Pearl: Well, there's a silver lining to this! (Pearl walks off the Warp Pad and towards Peridot's escape pod, which is hooked up to the Warp Pad.) Now we know for sure that we can track her every movement! Whenever she uses the warp system, her escape pod will instantly detect exactly where she is. It's only a matter of time until we catch her, and when we do, we'll be able to close this chapter and finally move on! *turning to Garnet* Right? (Garnet remains quiet as Pearl waits for a response, noticeably apprehensive. Steven, Amethyst, and I appear tense. The silence lasts for some time.)

Me: Well, this is awkward...

Amethyst: *sighs heavily* Look, isn't there something that maybe the two of you might need to talk about? (The escape pod suddenly activates, and the touchscreen activates. Pearl puts her hand onto it, causing her eyes to display static.)

Pearl: It's Peridot. She's using the warps right now. (Pearl projects a globe from her gem, a marker displayed around northern South America.) Look! This is where she is. We got her for sure this time. (Pearl starts walking towards the Warp Pad). If she thinks she's got the upper hand, then she's got another thing coming. And that's us! (Garnet follows Pearl to the warp, still seemingly tense.)

Steven: Well... at least Pearl's optimistic.

Me: That ain't optimism, it's desperation.

Amethyst: Marb's right. She can hand Peridot over on a silver platter, but it won't make up for the stunt she pulled to get Garnet to fuse with her. (Amethyst and I walk to the warp, while Steven stands there, in contemplation.)

Garnet: Steven! Let's go.

Moments later we warped to an abandoned ship deep in an uninhabited jungle. Pearl suspects that Peridot will be here, planning her next move. But will that be enough for her to make amends to Garnet? Let's see...

Steven: Woah...

Me: Is this...

Pearl: Ha! She's desperate. Look at this! She's cornered herself in there!

Garnet: Mmm.

Pearl: We've got her just where we want her.

Steven: What is—?

Pearl: *excitedly* Excellent question, Steven! What we see before us is an ancient interplanetary Gem vessel. (Pearl projects a depiction of the ships approaching and landing on Earth from her gem.) Homeworld Gems used these ships to travel across the cosmos and land here on Earth before the warp pads were built. But these ships landed here so long ago that there's no way they can be functional. Peridot's running out of options!

Garnet: Pearl! We can't waste time, let's focus on the task at—

Pearl: *running ahead* Ah, yes! The task at hand! No more dawdling, let's go get Peridot! (Steven and Amethyst look at each other apprehensively)

Me: You heard her! Let's go! (we head into the ship, where Pearl takes the lead. The inside of the ship is revealed to be full of plant life, showing its age. The group approaches the ship's control panel.) Wow, this place could use a little tidying.

Steven: It's more like a greenhouse than a spaceship.

Amethyst: Looks like Earth won this battle. (Suddenly, the Gem projector on the control panel activates. The group stops in their tracks, as the projector reveals Peridot's face.)

Peridot: *laughing* You Gems really are as dull as dirt!

Me: When are you going to-

Pearl: You're the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck! (Peridot stays silent for a moment. Pearl's voice vaguely echoes in the background.)

Peridot: ... What? Can you speak louder? Some of these communicators are gunked up.

Me: Hmm... (I see a microphone, brush the plants off of it, and I speak into it) testing. Testing. 1, 2, 3. Okay, can you hear me?

Peridot: Yes, I can hear you.

Me: Great. *takes deep breath and yelled* GET DOWN HERE AND FIGHT ME! (the loud noise rattled Peridot)

Peridot: Argh! Obnoxious little... (Steven takes the micrphone and speaks)

Steven: *clears throat* Pearl says, 'You're the dull one if you think you can fly this wreck!'

(Peridot stays silent again. Steven's voice now vaguely echoes in the background.)

Peridot: *laughs* Fly!? I'm not using this vessel to fly! I'm using it to trap you! (The entryway to the ship suddenly closes behind them.) Isn't this nice... no more Crystal Gems running around, messing with my plans, destroying my things... looks like I've got you just where I want you. How does it feel to be so easily outsmarted, you clods!?

Pearl: No...!

Amethyst: *speaking into microphone* Hey, uh, this is Amethyst, I don't appreciate being called a clod, you clo— *I snatch the microphone from her*

Me: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, I'M GONNA MAKE A PIE OUTTA YOUR HEAD AND USE THE REST OF YOUR BODY AS A TENNIS RACKET!

Peridot: Enough talk! Prepare yourselves for annihilation! Hi-yah! (Peridot presses something off-screen, causing the ship to groan slightly before stopping. The group looks around in worry, but nothing appears activated.) ... Hyah! (Annoyed, Peridot presses another button, activating the ship's laser defense systems, which were covered in moss. The laser shooters extend towards Steven and the Gems.) Aha! It works! Yes...! (Lasers fire at the Gems.) Die, die, die, die, die, die, die! (Steven, the Gems and I run around, trying to avoid the lasers. Steven manages to avoid them and forms his shield, forming an umbrella over him.)

Steven: Hey guys, over here! (We retreat under Steven's shield, while Garnet manages to spot a way out of the room.)

Garnet: This way! (We head towards the hallway, the shield protecting them from the lasers, which bounce off harmlessly. The group manages to make it to safety, only for Steven's shield to disappear and for Steven to collapse in exhaustion.)

Amethyst: You're on fire, Steven!

Steven: *sighs* That's three shields in one day! Not too sha— (Suddenly, spikes appear all around the hallway, almost hitting Steven. The Gems manage to dodge them.)

Garnet: Move! (Pearl, Garnet and I run ahead while Amethyst carries Steven. Peridot's voice can be heard in the background.)

Peridot: SPIKES! How do you like my spikes!? (The group reaches the end of the hallway, encountering what appears to be Peridot.)

Pearl: PERIDOT! *charges*

Garnet: Pearl, don't just... ! *growls in frustration as Pearl slashes at Peridot with her spear, only to find that it is merely a hologram. The hologram separates upon the hit, but reforms afterwards.)

Peridot: Heheheh, you idiot. (Pearl, overcome with anger, repeatedly slices at the hologram. Garnet facepalms, and the group walks up to Pearl. Eventually tired out, Pearl gives up her effort, panting heavily.)

Garnet: Pearl, stop. That isn't helping.

Pearl: But I have to do something! I can't believe I walked us right into Peridot's trap. This is all my... (The Peridot hologram suddenly disappears as the ship begins to shake furiously.) ... fault? (The floor collapses into a funnel beneath the group, causing them all to fall. Steven falls past Amethyst, who forms two whips; one of them grabs Steven and me, while the other grabs a loose twig on the roof of the ship.)

Amethyst: I got you guys!

Steven: Thanks Amethyst! *gasps* Garnet and Pearl! Are you guys okay? (Steven, hanging from the whip by his waist, looks down to see Garnet and Pearl at the bottom of the drop in a small chamber.)

Garnet: We're fine! (Suddenly, the floor closes up above Garnet and Pearl, trapping them within the chamber.)

Amethyst: ... Crud... (Amethyst, retracting her whips and carrying Steven, slides down the walls and to the floor that had closed up. Amethyst and Steven see a television-like screen that shows Garnet and Pearl in the chamber. The two are frantically attacking the walls. Above the screen are three gears that are not moving.)

Steven: We gotta get 'em out! (Garnet continues punching at the walls with her gauntlets, while Pearl slashes at the walls with her spear.) Guys, what should we-!? (Pearl starts talking, with Steven, Amethyst, and I listening in through the screen's audio feed.)

Me: Shhh... look.

Pearl: Garnet... I'm sorry!

Amethyst: *to Steven* Wait a sec.

Pearl: Things weren't supposed to turn out this way.

Garnet: *punches the wall one more time* We'll get out of here somehow.

Pearl: *sighs* That's not what I mean... I really wanted to catch Peridot to make up for what I did... (Garnet removes her gauntlets.) I wanted to prove to you that... that everything could go back to normal...

Garnet: Catching Peridot won't make things go back to normal. This isn't about Peridot.

Amethyst: Hey! They're actually talking!

Steven: Now they can finally work things out! (Suddenly the gears start to activate and turn, causing the walls of the chamber that Garnet and Pearl are in to close in on them.)

Amethyst: Not if they get crushed!

Me: Hold on! I wanna see where this goes... (Garnet and Pearl start pushing on the walls, though this does not appear to do anything.)

Pearl: *panting* Please! Tell me! How can I make you forgive me!?

Garnet: You can't! You lied to me! You need to learn that there are consequences to your actions!

Pearl: I'm sorry! I... I couldn't help myself! (Garnet kicks the wall on Pearl's side, in an attempt to slow the walls down.)

Garnet: I don't want to hear your excuses!

Pearl: But it's true! No matter how hard I try to be strong like you... I'm just a Pearl. I'm useless on my own. *starts to cry* I need someone to tell me what to do. (The walls suddenly stop moving. Amethyst pulls on her whip to bind two of the gears together, preventing them from turning. Steven pulls on Amethyst to provide support. I continue to sit and watch the screen)

Me: Wow, didn't know Pearl felt that way...

Pearl: *holding her arms* ... When we fuse, I can feel what it's like to be you. Confident and secure, and complete. You're perfect. You're the perfect relationship; you're always together- I just... I wanted to be a part of that.

Garnet: You're wrong! I'm not as strong as you think! I fell apart over this. Ruby and Sapphire were in turmoil over how you deceived me. I came undone...

Amethyst: Woah, that really happened?

Steven: Hmm. (Steven nods affirmatively.)

Me: Shh!

Garnet: It's not easy being in control. I have weaknesses too. But I choose not to let them consume me. I struggle to stay strong because I know the impact I have on everyone. Please understand, Pearl. You have an impact too. There are times when I look up to you for strength. You are your own gem. You control your destiny. Not me, not Rose, not Steven. But you must choose to be strong, so we can move forward. So I can trust you again.

Pearl: ... I understand. I can't give up anymore!

Garnet: Good! (At this moment, Amethyst's whip snaps and Steven and Amethyst fall backwards. The whip disappears and the gears begin to move again, causing the walls to close in on the trapped two)

Me: This is crushing stuff! Pardon the expression.

Garnet: Pearl, there's only one way out of this!

Pearl: Only if you're okay with it. (Garnet nods affirmatively.)

It all seemed lost for us. Two of our best gems were going to become pancakes. Until our little soap opera had a twist ending, thanks to a certain special guest star...

(The floor suddenly breaks open, as Sardonyx jumps out of the hole, using her war hammer as a drill. She immediately then unfuses into Garnet and Pearl. The two look at each other for a moment.)

[Trans. Int. Ancient Gem Colony Ship control bridge]

Peridot: (Peridot is seen pushing various buttons. There are three projectors, two of which appear to show nothing but static, and the remaining one showing a map of the ship, though it flickers into static for moments at a time.) Urrgh, stupid button here, I don't know what anything is AGGGH! *raises her fists in frustration* Blast this old Gem tech! Where'd they go? Why isn't anything working!? (The wall behind her blasts open, through which Steven and the Gems enter)

Me: Miss us?

Peridot: Ahhh!

Garnet: Surrender, Peridot! You have nowhere to run!

Steven: The Crystal Gems are gonna get yo-o-o-ou!

Peridot: You really think this is the end!? (Peridot forms her blaster and aims it at the Gems.) Hahahaha... this, this is only the beginning... of my escape! (Peridot points the blaster away from the Gems and at the ceiling. Peridot fires an energy blast at the ceiling and forms a large hole in the roof of the ship. Steven and the Gems are startled by the impact. Peridot begins laughing as she flies away with her helicopter fingers, towards the hole.) Well, I'd love to stick around and watch another one of your pathetic attempts to capture me, but I guess I'm just too smart for the likes of you lumpy, clumpy, clods! (Peridot starts to laugh again, but is suddenly weighed down by Steven, who has grabbed on to Peridot's foot.)

Steven: I caught a Peridot!

Peridot: Hey! Get your touch-stumps off me, you Steven! (Peridot tries to shake Steven off, and in retaliation, Steven bites Peridot's foot.) Hey! (Amethyst jumps up and grabs Steven)

Amethyst: Yeah, Steven! (Amethyst is in turn grabbed by Pearl)

Pearl: Don't let her go! (I grab Pearl)

Me: Way ahead of ya! (I pull down Peridot)

Garnet: Need a hand? (Garnet grabs me by the waist and helps me pull Peridot down)

Peridot: Raagh! (Peridot starts flicking Steven in the face.) Let go of me, you, you... persistent... little... whatever exactly you are!

Garnet: Peridot, your flight's... been cancelled!

Me: Nice one, Gar!

Peridot: No-o-o...! (Peridot clicks on her foot with one of her fingers, outlining it with a lime greenish glow. It suddenly detaches from the rest of her body, causing us to fall. Peridot, now freed, flees. Smoke appears to come out of the hole where Peridot's foot used to be.) *groans* You'll pay for this, Crystal Gems. I'll get you back, just you waaaaait! (Steven and the gems look on, dazed. Pearl stands up and looks up towards the sky, with a determined expression. Steven gets up and walks beside her.)

Steven: Pearl... ?

Pearl: It's okay, Steven. Next time... (Pearl holds up Peridot's foot.) ... we'll get the rest of her. Right, Garnet?

Garnet: It's a good step forward.

Steven: *laughing* Foot joke! (Steven, Garnet, and Pearl all start laughing. Amethyst looks on, still sitting on the ground.)

Amethyst: *sighs heavily, falls back with a smile* Finally.

We may not managed to get Peridot today, but the bond between Pearl and Garnet was finally fixed. One can't help but wonder, where does that space nerd go from here? Now that she has nowhere else to go? No other connections to Homeworld? Completely stranded on earth? One thing's for sure, the next time we cross paths with her, things are gonna be a lot different.

But that my friends is an incredibly different story, for an incredibly different time...


	36. Year 2 - Catch and Release

**Year 2: Catch and Release**

Peridot. What do we know about her so far? Let's see... She's a homeworld gem with technology that surpasses ours, and she has a consitent goal of destroying us and the entire world. That's all the sides of her we know so far, but what if I told you that there was a different side of her? One that has never been seen before? This is the story our boy, Steven, who found out.

[Open Int. Steven's Bathroom, night]

Me: *knocks at the door* Hey, Universe! You done in there?

Steven: Almost! (Inside the bathroom, Steven applies toothpaste to a toothbrush, wipes his face with a towel, cotton swabs his ear, and sits on the toilet. Then he lifts up his banana pajamas shirt, polishes his gem until his face is reflected in it, and does a thumbs-up.) Done! *walks out the bathroom* All yours, Marbs!

Me: Finally! (I walk in as Steven runs to bed. I approach the mirror and combed my hair, then I looked at my gem and did some poses) Oh yeah, still got it. *I exit the bathroom and I yawn* Hey, Steven. You ever considered- *camera zooms out to see Steven's not in bed* Steven? *Looks around* Steven? Oh boy...

Turns out, Peridot has kidnapped Steven and took him to the Galaxy Warp. Don't ask me why, 'cause I don't got a clue. But It gave us the opportunity to eliminate that green triangle head once and for all.

(The Crystal Gems warp in.)

Me: Steven!

Peridot: U-u-u-u-u-ugh. *runs away from Steven*

Pearl: There they are!

Steven: Guys!

Pearl: (runs up to hug Steven) What happened?!

Amethyst: Ahh, you're okay!

Garnet: Peridot!

Peridot: Why can't you just leave me alone?!

Garnet: *cracks knuckles with gauntlets* Gems, move!

Peridot: Kyaah! (Peridot shoots three blasts at the Crystal Gems in quick succession. The Crystal Gems dodge and continue running towards Peridot, who is spinning her left fingers like a propeller to fly away, but Amethyst catches Peridot with her whip.) Ha! *shoots electricity down through the whip*

Garnet: (She grabs the whip with her right hand in a gauntlet and stops the green electricity, then shoots reddish electric shocks up the whip, shocking Peridot.) Not this time! *jerks whip downwards, crashing Peridot to the ground*

Peridot: WoaaAAAAAAAAAAH! *Steven gasps, and appears concerned* Wait, wait, you- you need me! (I grab Peridot by the leg and threw her across the warp) Daaaah! (She crashes on a pillar and we surround her) I'm the only one who knows about the- (As Peridot turns towards Pearl, Garnet grabs her and poofs her. Peridot's limb enhancers fall to the ground.)

Me: Gruesome, aint it?

Pearl: What on Earth?

Amethyst: Ugh, sick, there's bits of her all over.

Garnet: Nope, she's right here. *bubbles Peridot's gem and sends it off* And now she's in the temple.

Pearl: So these weren't actually part of her body?

Amethyst: *scoops up the pieces and drops them all into the ocean and tries to make it look like an accident* Uh, whoops.

Steven: Garnet, she was trying to tell us something... and I don't think I'm the only one who thinks that.

Garnet: Those were just the desperate lies of a Gem who's been caught. You don't need to worry about her anymore.

Pearl: Come on, Steven. Oh, I'm so glad this is finally over.

Me: I only have one question, Gems. How 'ya like me now, Peridot?

[Int. Steven's Room]

Me: *I'm holding one of Peridot's limb enhancers* We have come from homeworld. Prepare to meet your doom!

Amethyst: What, it's been long enough that we can joke about it, right?

Steven: It's only been, like, an hour.

Amethyst: So- ew, what are you doing with her foot?

Steven: *To me* What are you doing with her hand?

Me: You answer first.

Steven: *brief pause* Think it's lucky?

Amethyst: Not for Peridot! *laughs* Well, glad to have you back.

Steven: Um, Amethyst?

Amethyst: Yeah?

Steven: Uh, do you think-? No, it's okay. Never mind.

Amethyst: Okay, weirdo. If you need anything, I'll be in my room, eating garbage.

Me: And I'll be in my room, playing with this hand. (We both leave)

What we didn't know was that Steven wanted to know what Peridot's saying. So he went to the burning room for some answers. Let's say it didn't go as well as he hoped...

(The gems and I were gathered at the kitchen. I was trying to fix Peridot's hand)

Pearl: Why do you still carry around that thing, Marble?

Me: Because, Pearl. I'm a tad curious how Peridot shoots lasers out of this thing. And now that she's gone, I'm figurin' she doesn't need this anymore. And... *I stuck the last finger in* There! Now for a test shot!

Pearl: Not in the house!

Me: No worries, P. I'll just shoot at something useless. *points the hand at a smaller version of Peridot* Like that strange figure that looks exactly like Peridot. (We were all surprised one second later)

Steven: Wait!

Peridot: Look! Over there! Another planet to betray! (Garnet summons her gauntlets, Amethyst eats the whole pizza box in one gulp.) Retreat! (Peridot runs to the front door, but Pearl and Garnet block her path.)

Pearl: Oh, no you don't!

Peridot: Eep! (Peridot scampers up the stairs, where Amethyst is waiting on Steven's bed.)

Amethyst: He-ey.

Peridot: Ahh! *jumps back down toward the floor, but I catch her*

Me: Daww. She's so cuuuute! Can I make a tennis racket out of her?

Peridot: AAH! (pushes herself out of my arms and runs straight into the bathroom) *off-screen* You may have won the war, but the battle isn't over, Crystal Clods! *laughs*

Pearl: Should we tell her that's the bathroom?

Amethyst: Eh.

Me: *Knocks door* Come on, Peri! I promise we won't hurt you... *whispers to Garnet* Ready the gauntlets...

Amethyst: (jiggles the door handle) It's locked.

Garnet: Peridot, open the door! (The toilet flushes.)

Amethyst: Uh, if you're trying to flush yourself down the toilet, it won't work. (Peridot is seen swirling in the toilet.)

Pearl: How did she get out? We bubbled her!

Amethyst: Maybe we needed a bigger bubble.

Garnet: My bubbles are fine.

Steven: ...I did it. (Screen cuts to Me, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl looking shocked.)

Me: WHAT!?

Pearl: Steven! Why would you do such a thing!?

Steven: Because she knows something! Something that's made her scared!

Amethyst: Duh. Homegirl knows we're gonna beat her into a green pancake.

Steven: No, not 'cause of us. 'Cause of something called 'the Cluster'.

Me: Cluster?

Garnet: That's new.

Pearl: What else did she tell you?

Steven: That's all I got.

Peridot: That's right, you dirt bombs! You don't even know what's coming *notices her reflection in the mirror* Oh.

Garnet: I'm tired of playing these games. If we can't fight her, then fine. We'll talk. Peridot!

Me: Good idea, Garnet. Lure her into a false sense of security, then BAM! I hit her with a-

Garnet: No! No more fighting! We'll just have a civil conversation.

Peridot: As if I'd negotiate with you, filthy war machine!

Garnet: *summons gauntlets* Okay, let's kick her butt.

Steven: Wait!

Peridot: Yeah! Destroy me again, and have fun trying to talk to me when I'm in a bubble!

Pearl: I really hate to say it, but unfortunately if she has information, she's more valuable to us like... this.

Garnet: This is going to be tricky.

Peridot: *faintly, through the door* H-h-hot hot hot!

Steven: You have to turn the knob the other way for cold!

We decided keep Peridot in order to get info on that "Cluster" Steven said she was talking about. But I just don't think I can keep myself from chopping her triangle head off.

[Trans. the kitchen]

Steven: Wait, so we're just gonna let her live in my bathroom?

Pearl: Well, yes. What other option do we have? Keep her outside on a leash? *laughs* Ha ha... Hmm...

Steven: But, I need to use the bathroom!

Pearl: Right now?

Steven: Yeah, kinda.

Amethyst: Just go in the ocean, bro. Pssssh. Like a feeyush.

Steven: What's with you guys and making me pee outside!? (goes outside)

Me: So what's the plan? We just keep her in the bathroom until we find a use for her?

Pearl: Steven said she knows something about a "Cluster". We're not sure if it's a threat or not. But she may have vital information.

Me: But let's be real here. This is Peridot we're talking about! The same jerk who imprisoned us in space! I say we just toss her out to sea!

Garnet: Peridot knows something we don't. If it's really important to her, it's important to us. We must not harm her. Understand?

Me; *sighs* Fine. But I'll keep my eye on her in case she tries something funny.

[The next Morning]

Pearl: But even if we do get her to come out of the bathroom...

Amethyst: She's never gonna talk to us.

Me: They have a point.

Pearl: We have her in our custody at least, even if the circumstances are less than optimal. How important do you think this Cluster is?

Garnet: If it has anything to do with the experiments she was conducting in the Kindergarten, then very. (I notice Steven walking to the bathroom)

Me: And where are you going?

Steven: Bathroom.

Me: Not without protection! *I walk up to him* Besides I need to freshen up. *I gesture to my face* This doesn't just happen on it's own. (Steven knocks on the bathroom door.)

Steven: Peridot, can I come in? I need to get ready for the day.

Peridot: No.

Steven: I have something for you. (Peridot cracks the door open to see Steven holding her foot; she grabs it and shuts the door, then slowly opens the door again and Steven walks in.)

Peridot: What a great souvenir of that other time you assaulted me.

Steven: Oh, right, sorry. I can take it back.

Peridot: No, it's too late! You... wouldn't happen to have the rest?

Steven: Uh, sorry, we lost them. *pauses* Well, we kinda threw 'em away.

Me: I held on to your hand, though! *the hand shoots a laser through the door*

Peridot: Augh! *She and Steven ducked*

Me: *I look through the burnt hole* Well, look at that! It does work!

Pereidot: Give that back!

Me: Sorry! Finders keepers!

Steven: *points to the toothbrush on the floor* Can you pass me that?

Peridot: *holding Steven's toothbrush* Is this a weapon?

Steven: Only for cavities.

Peridot: Hmm. *tosses the toothbrush to Steven*

Steven: Thanks! (starts brushing his teeth)

Peridot: *looks around the sink area* Is that a weapon?

Steven: No, that's Marble's comb.

Me: Speaking of, can you pass me that? *Peridot gives the comb to me* Thanks.

Peridot: Is that a weapon? (referring to the towel)

Steven: Hmm? Oh, well, I guess if you get it wet and roll it up. *Peridot yelps and flinches* Look, I know you're scared, but I'm not going to hurt you. And whatever's going on, whatever the Cluster is, I wanna help.

Peridot: What about your Marble? *Points to me outside the bathroom combing my hair*

Steven: Oh, I wouldn't worry about her. As soon as she sees that you're on our side, she'll come around.

Peridot: Who says I'm on your side? I doubt you can help me, but I... appreciate the offer.

Steven:*points to toilet* Now do you mind moving? I have to use that.

(The star-shaped iris focuses on Peridot.)

Peridot: For what?

(The iris closes.)

[END]


	37. Year 2 - When It Rains

**Year 2: When It Rains**

Garnet: *angrily knocking on the bathroom door* Open the door, Peridot! If this Cluster is putting us in danger, you need to tell us what it is so we can stop it.

Peridot: NO! I hate you. I'm not telling you anything about the Cluster.

Amethyst: *leans on Pearl's back* Oh, come on! Is it like a big...hunk of...granola?

Peridot: What's... granola?

Me: I think it's a little more complicated than that, Amethyst.

Pearl: Now Peridot, I'm sure we can reach some sort of agreement. Perhaps a trade is in order?

Peridot: Oh, sure, why don't you just give me back my leg enhancements and my arm attachments with my screen and my log and all my information?! Oh wait, YOU DESTROYED THEM! So no, I DON'T THINK WE CAN REACH SOME SORT OF AGREEMENT! Unless you are willing to give back one of my attatchments your Marble is hanging on to.

Me: Not on your life, Dot! I just got the hang of this thing! *Shoots a laser from the hand*

Pearl: What did I tell you about handling that thing in the house!? (Flushing is heard.)

Steven: Okay Peridot, you can turn around now. (Steven comes out of the bathroom and clears his throat) Sorry for interrupting your interrogation.

Garnet: Don't worry about it, Steven.

Me: We weren't making any progress anyway.

Pearl: I swear, Peridot is gonna crack any second now!

Peridot: I'll never crack for the likes of you, you... CRYSTAL CLODS! *laughs*

Pearl: *growls* I'VE GOT YOUR CLODS RIGHT HERE, YOU LITTLE-

Garnet: Hold on Pearl. If she's not going to be of any help, let's investigate this thing on our own.

Steven: I'll come with you!

Garnet: Sorry Steven, we're gonna need you to stay here and keep an eye on our... *adjusts her visor* guest.

Steven: Really?!

Me: I might as well stay with 'em too. In case our guest does anything funny.

Pearl: I doubt that she will try anything, she's harmless without her limb enhancers.

Peridot: *muffled* I'M NOT HARMLESS!

Pearl: Oh, hush up!

Garnet: Oh! Steven, there's one more thing I have to mention.

Steven: What is it?

Garnet: *forms a heart shape near her chest with her hands* I love you. Bye!

Amethyst: See ya later! (Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl depart through the warp pad.)

Steven: *blushes and waves* Hmm~

Later that evening, rain began to fall on the temple. I was simply relaxing on the couch while Steven was making soup. Once thunder roared, it was only a matter of time before our little episode began.

(Thunder strikes. Peridot kicks the bathroom door open and runs out, accidentally hitting a wall.)

Peridot: It's happening!

Steven: What?!

Peridot: (runs to Steven) THE CLUSTER!

Steven: Really?!

Peridot: What else could be making that horrible- *thunder* AHHHHH! It's pounding on the Earth from the inside! This is it, this is THE END OF THE WORLD! *cries and whimpers*

Me: *giggles* Oh, you are a silly little Dot. Yes you are!

Steven: Oh, that's just thunder!

Peridot: What?

Steven: Yeah, everything is fine, it's just thunder. It happens when it rains.

Peridot: Uh... huh?

Steven: You don't know about rain?

Peridot: ... I don't know anything without my screen.

Me: You don't go out much, do you?

Steven: I-It's okay. Here, pretend this soup is the ocean. When the sun warms it up, water evaporates into clouds, like this steam. *opens the cooking pot, releasing steam from inside* But when the clouds get really heavy, it rains.

Peridot: So, scalding liquid pours down from the sky?

Steven: No, no i-it's just water, it can't hurt you. Here, *turns off stove* why don't I just show you?

Me: You go on ahead. I tend not to do anything during a rainy day. (Steven runs outside and into the rain.)

Steven: Woo-hoo!

Peridot: *Watches Steven from the doorway* Steven, wait! Umm uhhmmm?..

Steven: COME ON! *laughs* Look, I'm okay, it's just water! This is just something that happens on Earth! Isn't it cool?! *laughs and falls into mud* WOOOAAAHHH! BWAH! *stands up, still laughing* YEAH! WHOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO! (Peridot reaches her hand out into rain, but pulls back when hit by a rain drop)

Steven: YEAH YOU DID IT! What do you think? Isn't it cool? *laughs*

Peridot: Cool... (Soon, the two were back inside, Steven was drying off)

Steven: That was fun. Huh?

Peridot: It was... something. Hmmm, ehhh... hmmm. Steven?

Steven: Hm?

Peridot: I'm going to say something. *takes a deep breath* Thank you.

Steven: Uhh, what for?

Peridot: For explaining this "rain" business to me. *Smiles*

Steven: Oh, no problem. *giggles*

Peridot: Yes, you're a much more intelligent creature than I initially thought.

Steven: Um, that's... good?

Peridot: Yes, much more useful than those... clods. STEVEN! I've made up my mind.

Steven: About what exactly?

Peridot: I've decided to share some... information with you!

Steven: Aww, I know you use my tooth brush.

Peridot: N-no. Well yes, but it's about the Cluster. *I zipped in*

Me: I'm listening. *Peridot flinches when she sees me behind her*

Peridot: Dah! Um, Steven. Can we talk somewhere more private?

Steven: Don't worry, Peri. You can trust her.

Peridot: Are you sure?... *She looks up to me and sees that I have a crazed look on my face*

Steven: Peridot, you have to tell the rest of the Crystal Gems, they need to know this.

Peridot: No! I don't want to talk to them! You're the only ones I need! I can show you now, but I have nothing! (her eyes form a sad expression slowly) My arm attachments, my fingers, my screen, my log, it's all gone!

Steven: But Marble has your arm attatchment! Maybe she can give us your log.

Me: What log?

Peridot: The one for the Cluster!

Me: Oh, that log. Yeah, I had to make some room for my apps while I was fixing this thing, so I deleted it.

Peridot: Arrgh! No problem, all of my logs up to dat still exist, backed up in Facet Five of the prime Kindergarten!

Steven: You want us to take you to the Kindergarten? I don't know, uh...

Peridot: Steven, don't you want to know about the Cluster?

Steven: Hmm...

Steven: You want us to take you to the Kindergarten? I don't know, uh...

Peridot: Steven, don't you want to know about the Cluster?

Steven: Hmm... Okay. We can go to the Kindergarten.

Peridot: Ahh, Y-Y-Y-YES!

Steven: Bu-u-t-

Peridot: No... a catch. Fine! What are your demands?

Steven: You're gonna to have to hold my hand the whole time. *Steven giggles*

(Steven, Peridot, and I warp to the kindergarten)

Steven: Welp, here we are.

Peridot: Okay, great! Let's go. (Steven and Peridot fall off the edge of the platform and scream.)

Steven: This place just gets worse every time I come here.

Me: *I fell off the edge as well* That makes two of us...

Peridot: I know. It's been so poorly managed. It must have been in way better shape when you first emerged.

Steven: Emerged?

Peridot: Yeah, you're some kind of quartz, right? *The two stop walking* You must have been made here.

Steven: Uh... I came from my mom and dad.

Peridot: Are those some kind of rocks? Or another planet?

Steven: *chuckles* Nope. My dad is from Earth, but my mom's a Gem. *Shows Peridot his Gem*

Peridot: You're some sort of... hybrid? How is that possible?

Steven: The answer to that is a story I like to call, "The Ballad of Rose and Greg".

Peridot: I don't care. Let's just hurry to the control room. *The three of us start walking again*

Steven: You sure this is safe? The last time we were here, there were a bunch of fusion monsters.

Me: Don't remind me...*shudders*

Peridot: Yes, I was checking their progress.

Steven: What's the deal with those things?

[At the Prime Kindergarten Control Room]

Peridot: When it became clear that the Earth was no longer a viable colony, Homeworld decided to use it for something else—a series of experiments. A gem geo-weapon.

Me: A weapon, huh?

Steven: Oh, did you help?

Peridot: Negative. I wasn't lucky enough to be around for that. *points to herself* But I read over a few hundred years of reports. *chuckles*

Steven: This is where you need to be, right?

Peridot: Yes. I'm going to have to remove this panel and do a bit of work to restore power to this room, so... can I have my hand back now?

Steven: Okay, but stay where we can see you. (The panel beeps, Peridot grunts and strains but cannot lift it.)

Peridot: It's over... I can't show you anything. Let's go back.

Steven: Mind if I try?

Peridot: Go ahead, knock yourself out. *looks away, and Steven pulls away the panel with ease.) Whoa!

Steven: There you go!

Peridot: Alright. (She begins rummaging around in the controls behind the panel.) This over here... (The Control Room regains power.) It's not perfect, but it'll do for now. (Steven drops the panel and Peridot groans as she can't reach the gem pedestal.) Come on!

Steven: What's up, 'dot?

Peridot: I can't quite reach the- (Steven picks up Peridot and puts her on his shoulders.)

Steven: It's okay to ask for help, you know.

Peridot: I had it. (Peridot presses a button and the height of the structure reduces. She then clears her throat, places her hand on the structure in the center. The structure begins to glow and a plethora of Gem Shards are shown on the room's screens.) These are the early attempts at artificial fusion.

Me: Artificial fusion? So that's what you call those abominations.

Steven: *looks around* That's a lot of Gem Shards...

Peridot: We were growing them here at this very site, but these were just prototypes for the final product.

(The screen projects a globe, a marker displayed around the east coast of North America.)

Peridot: A singular, giant, artificial fusion, comprised of millions of Gem Shards. The Cluster.

Me: Millions? As in millions of shards are under the earth right now?

Peridot: *closes eyes and raises hand in rejection* Oh, no, when it forms, it'll be much, much bigger than the Earth. Right now, it lies dormant, incubating in the Earth's core, but when it emerges and takes its physical form, it will destroy the planet. (The Earth is shown to grow large and pop, the Cluster forming its physical form. Steven stares at it with great concern.) The prototypes are already emerging. The Cluster is next. If we can't get off this planet, we've got to stop the Cluster. *clenches fist and Steven starts sweating*

Steven: What is it?

Peridot: *grabs Steven's shoulders and grins* It's you, Steven! (Steven, Peridot and I go out of the control room to the Kindergarten.) Now that you're both filled in, we can get to work!

Steven: Uhh, how are we supposed to help?

Peridot: Well, you have all the information that we need about Earth and it's erratic behavior. Put that together with my expansive knowledge of the cluster and we just might be able to stop it!

Steven: No Peridot, I don't think you get it! Just because I know how clouds work doesn't mean I know how to stop a giant mutant in the center of the earth! Besides, the only reason that I know anything about clouds and rain is because my dad told me.

Peridot: What are you talking about?

Steven: I used to be really scared of thunderstorms, just like you. Then Dad explained how rain and all that stuff works, then I wasn't scared of rain anymore.

Peridot: Well I'm sure you have other knowledge about how this planet works.

Steven: If we want to stop this Cluster thing, we'll need help from the Crystal Gems.

Peridot: I said I don't need them! Let's just warp me back to the bathroom or whatever you call it and we'll take care of this. If it looks really bad, then we can just ask this "Dad" for help, right? (a screeching roar is heard) Yikes! What was that?

Steven: Oh no! Gem mutants!

Me: Oh god! *I summon my axe* Steven, protect Peridot! I'll try to hold them off! (Steven makes a bubble shield around himself and Peridot as the Gem mutants screech.) Stay back! I'm well armed!

Peridot: Do something!

Steven: I am doing something!

Peridot: Something useful!

Steven: Uh... Let's run!

Me: Way ahead of you! *I start running with the two*

Peridot: Over here!

Steven: No, the other way!

Peridot: No, not there!

All Three: AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Steven: Let's run into this corner! (they do, but...) Oh no!

Peridot: We're cornered!

All Three: AAAAAHH! *A Gem monster pounces on Steven's bubble*

Peridot: Marble! Why can't you fight them?!

Me: *A gem monster surrounds me* Uh, I have a certain uncomfortability around mutants...

Peridot: *To Steven* How about you? Can't you destroy it?

Steven: No, this is all I can do on my own! *Gem monster pushes down on the bubble*

Peridot: Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh... That's it, we are finished!

Garnet: *off-screen* Hang on, Steven!

Steven: It's the Gems!

Me: About time, too! (Pearl stabs the monsters as Amethyst smashes them and Garnet attacks the Gem mutant in front of Steven and Peridot.)

Steven: *determined* Peridot, there's no way we can stop this thing in the Earth on our own. We need the help of the Crystal Gems.

Pearl: *worried* Steven! Are you boys alright?

Peridot: Move aside, Steven. *Pushes Steven aside*

Amethyst: Peridot?

Pearl: What are you three doing here?

Garnet: Steven, I thought I told you to keep an eye on her.

Steven: I know, but-

Me: I tried to help, but the mutants, they were-

Peridot: *reluctant* They did what they were told. *Peridot gazes at Steven, then back at the Crystal Gems* Alright, listen up you clo- argh - Crystal Gems! I've made up my mind. I have something to tell you about the Cluster.

[END]


	38. Year 2 - Back to the Barn

**Year 2: Back to the Barn**

[Open Int. Beach House]

Peridot: Ahem, ahem. As it seems I have no other options, I have conceded to reveal some important information to you Crystal Gems.

(Peridot snaps her fingers, cuing Steven to shuffle in. He is wearing a box, with a crudely drawn picture of Earth on it. Peridot, using a flyswatter as a pointer, smacks the box.)

Peridot: This-!

Steven: *teeters in surprise* Woah!

Peridot: ...is the Earth. At the very center of the planet's core lies... the Cluster! Rotate. (Steven complies, turning the box to show a representation of the Earth's core and the Cluster inside. Peridot points at the scribbles at the center of the circle) This is the Cluster. A massive, artificial fusion composed of millions of Gem shards. It has laid dormant for thousands of years within this planet's crust. When this Gem activates and takes its form, the result will be catastrophic. Now! (hits the box again; then Steven turns back to the Earth picture and bobs up and down. Eventually, a green, snake-like puppet bursts through the side of the box while Steven makes growling noises as we all gasp.)

Steven: BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Peridot: What is that!?

Steven: *opening the puppet's mouth as if it is speaking* It's the Cluster. (Peridot swats the puppet with the flyswatter.)

Peridot: It does not look like that. But it is real, and it can activate at any moment!

Steven: *hushed tone* Bwaaaah.

Amethyst: *sarcastically* What a cluster.

Garnet: That abomination must be stopped.

Pearl: But how? We'll need to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth; it'll have to- (Peridot suddenly swats at Pearl.)

Peridot: Hey! I wasn't finished speaking! What we need is to build some sort of machine to take us to the center of the Earth. (Pearl starts glaring at Peridot. Amethyst looks at her, smiling, but Pearl glares back, causing her to stop.) It'll need to withstand up to 360 gigapascals of pressure and temperatures of 9800 degrees.

Pearl: Well, we mustn't waste time. We need to start finding parts for this machine immediately.

Peridot: Yes. Obviously. We'll start by dismantling all devices inside this dwelling.

Steven: Wha? (Peridot runs to the kitchen and grabs the microwave.)

Peridot: This primitive radiation concentrator should come in handy! (Peridot detaches the microwave from the cupboards and throws on the counter, then grabs a corded phone.) This primitive vibration transmitter could possibly serve a function! (Peridot smashes the dials on the table, splitting it in half. She then runs up to Steven's room and grabs the television.) There's a remote chance something useful could be inside this primitive image cube! (Peridot smashes the TV on the floor.)

Steven: Wait! I have a better idea that doesn't involve destroying the house!

Me: *I chop the living room table in half* So, we're not destroying the house?

We decided to begin work on the Cluster down at the old barn. It was old-fashioned, but it had all we need to begin production.

Pearl: All right. What we have here in the barn should be adequate enough for us to get started. First, I recommend we organize the component types and assemble a rough blueprint based off what we have available. *Steven spins on a swivel chair with a smile on his face as Pearl looks at chalkboard* Oh... sorry, Steven, it's a lovely drawing but it won't look like this. (Steven stops spinning, now frowning as Peridot picks up a piece of chalk, examines it and gives it back to Pearl.)

Peridot: Hmm. Good, yes, this is adequate. Thank you. You can go now.

Pearl: *exchanges glances with Steven* Uh, what?

Peridot: Hm? Um, that will be all? (Peridot claps her hands in command. Pearl continues to stand there, looking incredulously at Peridot, who whispers to Steven) How do you get her to leave?

Pearl: Excuse me, I am not leaving.

Steven: Yeah! She's gotta stay here to help us build the drill thing, right?

Peridot: *laughing slightly* No, no. You're confused. A pearl can't build a thing like this.

Me: What do you mean?

Peridot: Pearls aren't for this! They're for standing around, and looking nice, and holding your stuff for you... right?

Me: Well, you're right about one thing; she does look kind of-

Pearl: That's enough! If we're going to work together, you're going to have to listen to me.

Peridot: Listen to you? *laughs, then talks to Steven* Did you teach her to talk like this? (Pearl looks at Peridot angrily.)

Me: Okay, rewind. Exactly what smack are you saying about Pearl?

Peridot: I don't know what you mean by "smack", but she's a pearl. She's a made-to-order servant just like the hundreds of other pearls being flaunted around back on Homeworld.

Me: Made-to-order servant? Guess that explains the chore wheel.

Steven: Wait... there's hundreds of pearls!?

Pearl: *blushes* Well, yes, bu-

Peridot: *holding Pearl's sash* And she looks like a fancy one, too.

Steven: *whispering* Hundreds of pearls...

Me: So let me get this straight: you say that pearls back in Homeworld are meant to take orders?

Peridot: Precisely. (I fantasize a lot of Pearl clones tending to my every need)

Fantasy Pearl #1: Would you like another donut my Marble?

Fantasy Pearl #2:*massaging my feet* May I continue to massage you perfectly toned feet my Marble?

Fantasy Pearl #3: Your hair is so lushious my Marble.

Me: Pearls, please. This is quite enough. Just go back to saying how awesome I am.

Pearl Clones: Yes, my Marble! Marble! Marble! Marble! Marble!... *Pearl snaps me out of my fantasy*

Pearl: Marble!

Me: *shakes head* Huh? What were we talking about?

Peridot: So, who do you belong to anyway?

Pearl: NOBODY! *snatches the sash out of Peridot's hands*

Peridot: Then... what are you for? (Pearl recoils back.) Well, you can belong to me for now. Ha! A peridot with a pearl, what would they say back home?

Pearl: Now listen here, you tiny twerp! In case you've forgotten, you're on our turf now! And I didn't fight a thousand-year war for this planet's independence to take orders from the likes of you!

Peridot: Excuse me? I am a natural technician and a certified Kindergartener. I was made for this! You were made to take orders, not to give them!

Steven: Woah, woah, hang on guys! Now, we can all agree that you are both good at building things, so can't you just try listening to each other?

Pearl and Peridot: NO!

Pearl: I'm as good at building things as you. Better, even!

Me: If I can suggest something, maybe you can settle who's the better builder with a contest.

Peridot: Like what? Name one thing this useless pearl engineer better! Go on!

Me: Hmm...

Steven: *whispering* Robots.

Pearl and Peridot: Hmm?

Steven: *still whispering* You should build robots.

Me: Not now Steven, I'm thinking... *snaps fingers* Robots!

Steven: Yeah! Giant robots! I see a race. A giant robo-race! With prizes! Giant robo-prizes!

Pearl: You mean like a competition?

Steven: Yeah! To see who's better at building stuff!

Peridot: What are these robots you speak of?

Steven: They're like those funky marble guys you were sending! Only bigger, and you can ride them! *imitates robot noises*

Peridot: Hah, building one of these robots will be easy!

Pearl: Well, I can build one faster!

Peridot: That's what you think! (Pearl and Peridot run into the barn, starting to work on their respective robots)

Me: Should we tell them that this is just throwing us off task from building the drill and stop the Cluster?

Steven: I wanna see giant robots!

Me: *rubs Steven's hair* Of course you do, little buddy.

Amethyst: Yo Steven, how are the wonder nerds doing? Woah! Wh-what's going on? Are they building the drill?

Steven: *whispering* No. We're building robots now. (The power tools start to make loud noises, causing Steven, Amethyst and me to cover our ears.)

Amethyst: What'd you say!?

Steven: I said-! (Suddenly, Pearl, riding her robot, comes out of the barn, showing off the robot's mobility. She is donning her space suit.) GIANT ROBOT!

Me: Nice suit.

Peridot: Hah! Pathetic. (Peridot marches out in her own robot.) Now, behold, my vision of ultimate power! *laughs, showing off her robot's claws, but then gasps, upon realizing Pearl's robot's height* Hey!

Pearl: Mine's taller. I win.

Me: Uh, competition hasn't started yet.

Steven: Ladies and gentle-Gems, welcome to the first annual Robolympics!

Garnet: Woo!

Amethyst: *chewing on popcorn* Popcorn!

Me: Make us proud, Pearl!

Steven: This competition will test our robo-engineers' skills of robo-construction and robo-piloting. Whoever wins will get to be in charge of building the Cluster-drill-machine-thing. Let the games begin!

So for the rest of the day, Peridot and Pearl's robots were put to the test to see who's the best. Balance, crushing, jumping, speed, and some other non-sequitur categories such as ballet, art, and rock-paper-scissors. jumping jacks, tug-of-war, projectile strength, you name it, they've done it all. Until it was time for the final round...

Steven: Alright guys, this is the final event!

Amethyst: You got this, P!

Garnet: Get it, girl!

Me: Take her down!

Pearl: Hm! (Peridot frowns at Pearl.)

Steven: *raises his hand* Ready, set, CHUCK! (All three robots grab the truck and toss it over the mountains. The trucks disappear over the summit, giving no clear indication of whose flew farther.)

Steven, Garnet, Amethyst, and Me: Woah. (Steven and Amethyst shrug.)

Steven: You all get a point on that one. (The group returns to the barn.) Hmm, hmm. Looks like our final score is... a tie! Welp, that settles it. You both get to lead the project together!

Peridot: No! This isn't over! I demand we have a tiebreaker!

Pearl: Ugh, let's just give it a rest! That's it; we tied. We're the same, let's move on. (Pearl begins to pilot her robot away, but Peridot grabs on with her robot's claws.)

Peridot: No! You're a pearl! You are beneath me! I'll always be better than you and nothing I've seen today will ever change that!

Pearl: Well, have you ever seen a pearl do this!? (Pearl's robot kicks down Peridot's robot, causing it to land on its back. Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst audibly gasp, with Amethyst dropping her popcorn.)

Peridot: So, you want to fight!? *snaps robot's claws* Good. We should've done this from the beginning! (Peridot's robot tackles into Pearl's sending them both away from the barn.)

Me: Looks like we got ourselves a robot rumble folks!

Steven: NO! Giant robots shouldn't fight!

Amethyst: FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! (Peridot, laughing, has her robot toss Pearl's robot towards Steven, Garnet, Me, and Amethyst, who jump away from where Pearl crash lands.)

Steven: Pearl!

Pearl: It's alright, guys! I've got this.

Steven: Be careful!

Amethyst: Kick her in the butt! (Peridot's robot is about to slam its claw atop Pearl's robot, but the robot, manages to turn around and block it)

Me: Peridot's comin' down for a slam. But Pearl dodges it with a succesful block! (the two lock hands again.) They stuggle against each other as they lock hands!

Peridot: This is pointless! There's no way you're gonna beat me! You're an accessory! Somebody's shiny toy! Where do you get off acting like your own gem?! (Peridot's robot rips one of the arms off of Pearl's robot.) You're just a PEARL! (Pearl grimaces, but her expression becomes determined.)

Pearl: That's right! I am a pearl! (punches Peridot in the face and we all gasp.)

Me: And Pearl returns with a left hook to Peridot! This is amazing!

Amethyst: WOOO-HOOOO! (Peridot's robot takes a few steps back while Pearl's gets up.)

Pearl: What you're saying may be true, but it doesn't matter! (Pearl's robot jumps up.) I'm still gonna kick your butt!

Amethyst: Ohohohoh! (Pearl's robot descends towards Peridot's with a kick.)

Me: She's comin down to deliver the final blow!...(Peridot's robot catches the leg, however, with one of its claws. Peridot starts snickering)

Pearl: Uh-oh. (Peridot's robot slams Pearl's robot on the ground repeatedly. Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst grimace with each impact.)

Me: Oh no! Peridot's got the upper hand and Is beating Pearl senseless!

Steven, Garnet, and Amethyst: Pearl!

Pearl: Ugh...

Me: 1! 2! 3! And the winner is Peridot!

Peridot: *laughs* Victory is mine! Now I'm the one in charge! Praise me, praise me!

Steven: Pearl, are you okay? (Steven helps Pearl up.)

Pearl: Ah, I'm alright. (Amethyst rushes in and gives Pearl a hug.)

Amethyst: Yeah, P! Aww, that was awesome! You were hardcore! *punches Pearl in the arm*

Pearl: *rubs her arm* Oh... really?

Garnet: *places her hand on Pearl's head* Oh yeah.

Me: That was awesome! The way you punched her in the face was priceless!

Peridot: Hey! Why aren't any of you listening to me!? I won! I'm the natural leader here! She's just a common pearl!

Steven: You're wrong! If pearls are really like you say they are, then Pearl isn't common at all! (Garnet, Amethyst, and I look on, smiling. Pearl blushes and smiles as well.) She trained herself to fight! She learned how to build things! And she works hard every day to be greater than she already is! That's not common; that's amazing!

Me: She's one of a kind.

Garnet: Come on, let's clean up this mess.

Amethyst: Pearl, hah, you should come wrestling with me.

Pearl: Uh... I dunno...

Peridot: B-b-but I won! What about the rules!?

Garnet: (shrugs) Welcome to Earth. (Garnet, Amethyst, Steven, and I all help to retrieve the broken parts of Pearl's robot and put them back in the barn. Steven looks on as Peridot approaches Pearl, carrying a power drill.)

Peridot: *clears her throat* I have to admit, it's... remarkable that a Pearl such as yourself could become such a... knowledgeable technician. Mmm... *holds up the power drill* Why don't we get started?

Pearl: *takes the power drill* You're holding it upside down. *hands the drill back*

Peridot: *blushes* Y-yes. Of course.

Steven: *sighs* Looks like we're well on our way to stopping the Cluster. *to himself, holding the puppet from before* (as cluster puppet) You think you can stop me? *screams* (Steven grabs himself with the puppet, making fake devouring sounds.) Ah, we're doomed!

(The star-shaped iris closes on the puppet, ending the episode.)

[END]


	39. Year 2 - Too Far

**Year 2: Too Far**

Day 2 of Cluster preparation. Ever since Peridot lost her limb enhancers the only thing he can use to record her logs is a tape recorder.

Peridot: Log date 7-11-2. It's the third rotation of the Earth since the commencement of a *inhales deeply* collaborative approach to stopping The Cluster.

Pearl: I've finished drawing out the blueprints for the drill head. Peridot, if you could come take a look at this. (Peridot's tape clicks, indicating she stopped recording.)

Peridot: Remind me again why I should listen to you? Oh, right. (Peridot rewinds the tape.)

Peridot Recording: The Pearl here has exhibited an aptitude for engineering that I begrudgingly respect, but that doesn't explain the spontaneous singing, crying, ...singing while crying. (Amethyst and I laugh.)

Pearl: Why did you give her that?

Steven: Well, we did destroy all her stuff. I thought it might make her feel a little better.

Peridot Recording: Clods! [Fast-forward noises] Muddy clods! [Fast-forward noises] -running out of ways to say "clods"!

Garnet: Alright, I've chased away those cows, let's get to work.

Peridot: *clears throat* Before we begin... would you mind un-fusing? It's making me incredibly uncomfortable. (Everyone breaks into silence as Steven, Amethyst, and Pearl look at Garnet, who ties Peridot to the fence with a child leash.) WHAT?! WHAT'D I SAY?!

Steven: Do we really have to do that?

Garnet: Her having free reign of the place made me incredibly uncomfortable. (Peridot grunts as she struggles to get a microwave.)

Steven: (Steven, Amethyst and I drop off some metal) Here you go, Pearl!

Pearl: Oh, good. Hmm... No... No, no, no, no, I said I needed tungsten. Tungsten?

Steven: Uh... what does "tungsten" look like?

Amethyst: Tungsten. *sticks out her tongue* Ahh.

Me: (I scoff and laugh) Oh you!

Pearl: Ugh... never mind. I'll just do it. (Pearl walks away annoyed)

Amethyst: *Shrugs with her tongue still out* Meh.. (Steven, Amethyst and I walk toward Peridot)

Me: Hey, Peridot. How's it coming along on your end?

Peridot: Progress is... optimal. *grunts* I just need some sort of leverage optimizer.

Me: Leverage what?

Amethyst: Ooooh! Ha, you mean you want a screwdriver? *laughs*

Peridot: Do you have one or not?

Steven: Uh... why don't you just use this one? (Picks up the screwdriver on the ground and hands it to Peridot.)

Peridot: Because it was outside my radius. *grabs the screwdriver*

Amethyst: He-hey, hey Peridot, what do you call this? *points at her nose*

Peridot: A scent sponge.

Me: How about this? *Points at my arm*

Peridot: Reach extenders. (Amethyst and I start enjoying this)

Amethyst: Peridot, these? *wiggles her fingers*

Peridot: *annoyed* Touch stumps.

Me: These? (I point at my teeth)

Peridot: *annoyed* Mouth pearls.

Amethyst: This?! *points at foot*

Peridot: *angered* Gravity connectors!

Me: This? *I stick out my toungue*

Peridot: *angered* Taste sponge!

Amethyst: This?! *points at her butt*

Peridot: THAT'S YOUR BUTT! (Steven, Amethyst and I laugh hysterically.)

Me: She said butt!

Steven: Oh man, Peridot, you're killing me! *slaps microwave*

Peridot: I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!

Amethyst: No, no, no— You're funny!

Peridot: F-unny?

Me: Yeah. Don'cha know what "funny" means?

Peridot: ...I don't know anything without my screen.

Me: Man, you really are a charity case! *clears throat* Funny means that you're making people laugh. Just like how you just made us laugh.

Peridot: You mean I cause laughter and amusement?

Me: Now you're getting it!

Pearl: Peridot, if you can get the magnetron out of that microwave, we'll have everything we need... except for the drill head.

Peridot: Why don't I just get an injector drill head from the Kindergarten?

Pearl: Oh, well, I guess that's something you could try.

Garnet: She's not going to the Kindergarten without a chaperone!

Peridot: What? You've got to be joking!

Garnet: You'll know when I'm joking.

Me: She's not.

Peridot: Nyahhh...

Amethyst: Me, Marble, and Steven can go with her!

Peridot: Huh?

Steven: Yeah, we'll keep an eye on her.

Garnet: Approved. Keep her in line, you two.

Amethyst: You got it! *Peridot groans*

Peridot: Log date 7-11-2, the Amethyst, the Steven, and the Marble, have volunteered to help me dismantle this Era 1 drill. How stylistically displeasing, the newer ones have a nicer finish.

Amethyst: You making more nerd notes?

Peridot: (stops recording) What is "nerd"? *Amethyst scoffs* Can you use it in a sentence?

Amethyst: Ahem. Nerd. You are a nerd. *laughs*

Steven: *jumps down* Amethyst! Cut that out!

Me: Oh, come now Steven. We were just having fun!

Peridot: (starts recording again) As you can see this planet is annoying and everything is annoying. Amongst its transgressions is the need for the Amethyst to ask permission from the perma-fusion.

Amethyst: (Steven and I are trying to hold in our laughter) "Perma-fusion"? Is that what you call Garnet?

Peridot: (stops recording) I could call her lots of things. I could call her two things! Two clods! *laughs* Walking around like she's... one clod! *snickers*

Steven: What's wrong with that?

Peridot: She's not even fighting! She's, you know, she's just, y-you know like the... *pounds fists together* you know! (Amethyst and I laugh hysterically while Steven pounds his fists together confusedly.)

Amethyst: You're a real gem, Peri.

Peridot: Yes, I am... a Gem.

Me: Hey now! Let's not go crazy. Just because I like her doesn't mean I can accept her in our team yet.

Amethyst: No, Marbs. I mean that as in she's a riot! (to Peridot) Okay, okay. Do Steven next. What's weird about Steven?

Peridot: Where do I even begin?! He's some sort of hybrid abomination, I don't even understand how he functions! (Amethyst starts laughing again) His organic half consumes so much energy that he has to constantly feed, and he spends so much time expelling, that he has a whole room dedicated to it!

Steven: *embarrassed* Ah, no, something else! Talk about something else!

Peridot: *laughs* The strangest thing is, Amethyst, you think you have to listen to them! *laughs* You and Marble are the ones who should be in charge!

Amethyst: Ha, that's your best joke yet.

Peridot: No, really. Pearl is a pearl, Garnet is a fusion, Marble's an elite warrior, I don't even know what he's supposed to be! *points at Steven*

Steven: Hey!

Peridot: You're the only Crystal Gem, that's actually a Gem!

Amethyst: Uhm... *laughs nervously* What?

Me: What are you talking about?

Peridot: (still talking to Amethyst) You outrank everyone on your team, they should be listening to you! You're a strong, singular, fully-functional soldier, despite the fact you're defective. (Amethyst's face drops.)

Amethyst: Defective?

Peridot: Well sure! You're small!

Amethyst: So?

Peridot: She's not supposed to be; that's what! Hold on, wait, wait. Let me guess. (points to the hole and walks over there) This! This is the hole you came out of! *I gesture Peridot to stop talking* Too small, too low. The exit marks look 500 years newer than every other hole. Hmm, this place must have been empty when you came out. No wonder you have no idea what you're supposed to look like!

Steven: Peridot...

Amethyst: What was I supposed to look like?

Peridot: Well, you're a quartz. They're huge, loyal soldiers. You should be twice your size. Broad shouldered, intimidating, but you simply stayed in the ground too long.

Me: *nervously sweats* Quit while you're ahead, Peri...

Amethyst: *angry* Are you saying I'm wrong?!

Peridot: *laughs* Gemetically speaking, yes. When you think about it it's also *snickers* funny! (Peridot laughs while Amethyst looks upset and angry.)

Steven: Amethyst?

Me: *laughs nevously* Okay! That's was funny stuff Peri. But let's continue to that drill, shall we?

Peridot: Hey, soldier. Maybe you can help me get this hunk of drill off- (Amethyst summons her whip and violently cuts the drill head off an injector.) See, look at that! You can do everything a normal quartz can do. Let's head back and shove this thing in Pearl's face!

Steven: Amethyst? Are you ok?

Amethyst: Don't worry about it.

Peridot's jokes turned from funny to insulting the minute she called Amethyst defective. That nerd really needed to learn that words hurt.

[Back to the barn]

Pearl: Oh, it's lovely! To think we'd be using the same technology that started all this to fix it! This drill is pure irony!

Peridot: Actually it's mostly carbonite.

Steven: Would that make it "carbony"?

Peridot: Oh oh oh oh, Amethyst! Check out this... hmm... *picks up a hammer from the ground* rhythmatic pulverizer! *laughing on the ground* That's funny, I'm so funny!

Amethyst: Whatever, dude. *walks away* Marble? You comin' or what?

Me: (laying on a hammock) No, I'm good. *Amethyst continued to walk away*

Peridot: That was the incorrect response. Hey, Amethyst isn't laughing when I do these things. Why isn't she laughing?!

Me: You're jokes about her really ticked her off.

Steven: Yeah Peridot, you really hurt her feelings.

Peridot: What?

Steven: What she means is, you were pretty mean to her at the Kindergarten.

Peridot: Mean? No way! I was being cool. Amethyst loved it. She's probably telling the Pearl how much fun she had now. *sees Amethyst looking at her* Amethyst, hi, hi, hi, Amethyst! *waves, but Amethyst walks into the barn.) She... she won't even look at me. It's making me feel... smaller.

Steven: You feel bad! That's how you made her feel.

Peridot: *snorts* Who cares about how she feels? Who cares about any of you! You're all just rocks! Ruddy, muddy, clumps beneath my gravity connectors! *grunts and falls*

Pearl: Ugh, another one of her temper tantrums. I'm surprised you two made it back from the Kindergarten without driving each other crazy!

Amethyst: Yeah...

(A little later)

Peridot: (Peridot grunts as she is working on the drill while Steven is holding her leash.) This little thing... (She grunts, turns and sees Amethyst and grunts even louder as Amethyst walks past and doesn't look at her.)

Peridot: *stares* Ugh! *keeps working on the drill*

Steven: How's everything going up there?

Peridot: Fine... ! There's nothing wrong, everything's fine! (She pushes a button making a mistake and tries to fix it.) *worried* Ah! No, no, no, no, no, stop!

Steven: Peridot?

Peridot: *grunts, falls off of the drill and coughs* The panel... (Steven jumps onto the drill as it begins to spin out of control.) Wait! (Her leash gets caught on a rock and she is unable to chase after Steven and the drill, she gasps.)

Steven: It's okay, I got it! (The drill spins out of control around the yard with Steven inside it.)

Me: RUNAWAY DRILL!

Amethyst: (comes around the corner) What the— ? (sees the drill heading towards her)

Peridot: Amethyst! (Peridot pulls against the leash and is able to rip it. She runs, pushing Amethyst out of the way of the drill just in time. Steven rips out the drill's panel and stops it.)

Me: Steven! Are you okay?

Steven: *dizzy* It's okay, everything's okay! (Steven has spirals in his eyes.) It was just a drill! *laughs and collapses against the side of the drill*

Me: Good. 'Cause I wanna turn on that! (Peridot is shown to be sitting on a surprised Amethyst and has saved her from the drill almost hurting her.)

Amethyst: Uh... Peridot?

Peridot: Ah! *jumps off quickly* It was an accident, I swear!

Steven: Hey, don't worry about it. *walking to them* We know you didn't mean to start the drill.

Peridot: Uh... yeah... and that was an accident, too... (Amethyst looks at her confused/shocked.)

[Later]

Pearl: *looking angry/shocked* We leave for one second and everything goes off the rails!

Garnet: I blame the cows.

Pearl: No, it's fine, it's fine. We'll rebuild it! Stronger, better... We'll add seat belts! (Steven, Amethyst and I are cleaning after the drill. Amethyst tries to pull something from the ground with a grunt and a unicycle comes out.)

Steven: Hey, are you alright? That was a close one. It's a good thing Peridot was there to save you.

Me: Yeah, that's the kind of heroic deed that can make you change your thoughts about people. Get you into a forgiving mood? (Amethyst rolls her eyes and throws the unicycle) Oh come on! You can't be mad at her forever, even though she talked smack about you, or all those attempts at killing us and destroying the world, and... I'm not helping am I? (Peridot walks to them.)

Peridot: No, you are not. *pauses, stares for a bit* Listen, I... uhm...

Amethyst: Just spit it out.

Peridot: *shocked, gets angry and grunts* Ughh! *facepalms* Why are you earthlings so difficult!? *slams her thumb on the recorder and lets them hear*

Peridot Recording: Log date 7 11 2. This entire planet is backwards. There hasn't been one instance of correct behavior exhibited by anyone of these Crystal Gems. I have concluded that they are all defective. But I am no better. I failed my mission and I'm now working with the enemy. And I can't even get that right. I have apparently "hurt" Amethyst's "feelings", which was not my intent. If I damaged my standing with one of the best Gems here, then I've made a serious mistake. I'm still learning. I hope you understand. I want to understand. I'm sorry. Peridot. Facet 5. End log.

Peridot: *turns off recorder when its done* As you can see- (Steven looks at Peridot happy.)

Steven: Oh, Peridot. (Peridot looks away angry a bit.)

Amethyst: Peridot... (Peridot looks at her.) ... Thanks. (Peridot smiles at her.) But you're still a nerd.

Me: Now, that's the Peridot I know! Shall we hit the hay?

Amethyst: Lets. *we walk off*

Peridot: I'll be sure to add these to my notes.

Steven: How do you feel?

Peridot: *pause* ...Big.

Amethyst may have forgiven Peridot, but she still got a long way to go for earning the loyalty of the entire team. Let's just see how she acts as our story progresses...


	40. Year 2 - Steven's Birthday

**Year 2: Steven's Birthday**

Were takin' a break from the drill today, to celebrate one boy's special day. That's right folks, today's Steven's birthday. Didn't think he had a birthday, huh? Well, we all have to grow up some time. And for Steven, he had a lot of catching up to do.

Steven: I can't believe it's finally my birthday. You're sure it's okay we're taking a break from the drill?

Me: Sure. We got Peridot on it. Hey, look! There she is right now.

Amethyst: Yo, Peri! You sure you don't want to get in on this? *blows balloon that looks like Peridot until it pops, but Peridot flaps down welding goggles and walks to the drill*

Garnet: We should celebrate our progress. (to Steven) We should celebrate your progress. You've grown a lot this year.

Pearl: He certainly has.

Steven: Yeah. Yeah, I guess so!

Me: Really? I haven't noticed. [Car horn honks] That must be the guests!

Connie: *jumps out of Greg's Van in a red dress and a sunhat and grabs a suitcase* Steven!

Steven: Connie!

Connie: Happy birthday! *hugs Steven*

Steven: Thanks. Welcome to the party! May I offer you... *grabs two juice boxes from behind him* A refreshment?

Connie: Oh, Steven! How genteel.

Steven & Connie: Clink!

[Meanwhile]

Me: *sighs* They look cute together, don't they? So when are the other guests coming?

Pearl: There are no other guests.

Me: What? Well, what about presents?

Pearl: Presents?

Me: No birthday's complete without presents.

Amethyst: If you know that where's your present?

Me: Umm. Well, it's ah... Could you excuse me for a moment? *Dashes off*

[At the back of Greg's van]

Connie: So he's not going to grow up?

Greg: Well, it's hard to say. He's a Gem, and Gems don't really grow up. I mean, I've known the Gems since I was 22, and they never changed! They just are what they are. But Steven's not like the other Gems, he's half-human. So, I'm not really sure how he's gonna age. We're just gonna have to wait and see.

Connie: Yes, right.

Greg: Are you okay?

Connie: Yeah, yeah.

Greg: Human beings.

Connie: Human beings. *high-fives Greg as I ran to the van*

Me: Hey Greg, mind if I look in your van? Thanks. *I search the entire van*

Greg: Where's the fire?

Me: I need to find a birthday present for Steven! (Grabs the defibrillator) Think Steven will like this?

Greg: Relax, Marble. You don't need a gift for the little guy.

Me: Says you old man! He's not gonna be our little guy for much longer!

Greg: Well, considering he's half gem, he may be a little guy for much longer. *Steven hears the whole conversation and walks off*

Me: Either way this party's gotta be perfect! Now, where's Pearl? She was supposed to help me design the cake! (I walk away. Greg and Connie looked at each other and they both shrugged)

As happy as this celebration was. The day brought and certain amount of uncertainty. For this day, that has brought joy, fun, and cake, also brings change. And change doesn't come easily to some boys. Especially our birthday boy.

(Next scene...)

Greg: *knocking on the door* Okay Steven, open up! (The barn door opens as we all yell "Surprise!" as they see Steven and gasp collectively.)

Garnet: Wow.

Pearl: Oh my.

Greg: Huh?

Me: Steven, you look... (Steven reveals to have a taller figure) Different. Did you polish your gem? (Steven walks towards us taking each step carefully as he gains control of his new, taller form.)

Pearl: Steven... are you feeling okay?

Garnet: Heh, you look good Steven.

Steven: Oh, *chuckles* thanks, Garnet.

Amethyst: Dude, your neck!

Steven: Oh, uh, what about it?

Amethyst: You have one!

Me: What do you think kept his head up? Seriously, 'cause I have no idea.

Connie: So, you just grew... all of a sudden?

Steven: I had a magical growth spurt, just now. Cool, right?

Connie: Oh, right! It's totally cool!

Garnet: Alright then, let's get this party started. *blows out the candles*

Greg: Yeah, let's eat this cookie cake!

Me: I get first slice!

For the rest of the day we celebrated Steven's special day, we did everything that made it a blast. All the while Steven tried to keep in his new form. But It didn't take until that very evening for things to go wrong...

[That evening]

Steven: *pants heavily and sweats, returns to his former size* Ohhh geez... If I can just keep this up for the rest of my life, no one will suspect a thi- *eyes widen as Greg, Amethyst, and I completely shocked*

Amethyst: What are you doing?

Steven: Well uh... *ages* what are you doing?

Greg: What are you doing to your body?

Amethyst: Woah, woah, woah, have you been stretching yourself out all day?

Steven: No! I was just... slouching.

Me:...I have nothing to say right now.

Greg: Why are you doing this? It... really isn't like you.

Steven: Because dad, I can't stay a kid forever, when Connie grows up and becomes president what is that gonna make me? First Boy?!

Me: First Boy. Not a bad idea...

Amethyst: Steven, you can't just keep stretching forever. If you hold it too long, you could really hurt yourself.

Me: So she did learn something..

Amethyst: What was that?

Me: Nothing.

Steven: Yeah well, I'm half human so maybe it works different for me, we'll just have to wait and see, right?

Greg: *sigh* Steven... (Steven walks back to Connie.)

Me: I'm sure he'll be fine...

[Cut to later]

Me: ...But I've been wrong before. (It is revaled that Steven has turned into a baby)

Connie: We were just talking then all of a sudden-

Pearl: He turned back into a baby?!

Connie: YES!

Amethyst: *taking Steven* Dude... I told you... Stretching your body out for that long is not good for you! *Steven talks baby talk*

Amethyst: *handing Steven to Pearl* Here you go, Pearl.

Pearl: Oh, no, no, don't give him to me!

Me: Give him to me! *Pearl hands Steven to me* Um..*I look at Steven* Where's the off button?

Garnet: Hand him over, Marble. *removes shades as I give Steven to her* (holding Steven, blinks her eyes one by one and sticks out her tongue)Nyeh, nyeh. nyeh... bleh. (Unfortunately, it causes Steven to cry even more) My power means nothing to an infant.

Me: I thought it was funny.

Greg: Okay, this is my department.

Connie: What are you going to do?

Greg: Don't worry, I got this. (He, along with Connie and Amethyst took baby Steven to the van and drove off)

Me: I don't know what he's doing. But it better be good!

Greg took little Steven for a little drive in hopes to calm him down. It didn't but after Connie talked to the little guy, he had some growing up to do.

[Timeskip to the Next morning...]

Connie: (runs out of her tent) Everyone! Steven is- (sees Steven back to normal wearing the shirt she gave him.)

Me: Morning, Connie.

Steven: Look, it fits now.

Connie: You're back to normal! *hugs Steven*

Me: Found him crawling out of the tent this morning. Must've reverted back to his old self.

Steven: Sorry this was a disaster, I wanted to look older for you. *blushes*

Connie: That doesn't matter.

Steven: I... heard what you said in the van. It's really okay if I don't age like a human?

Connie: Of course it is. I like you just the way you are. *holds Steven's cheek*

Steven: Oof, okay.

Connie: Uh... Steven? You've got something on your cheek.

Steven: Huh? *feels a hair on his cheek and gasps* It's a facial hair!

Connie: Really?

Steven: DAD!

Greg: What is it lil' man?

Steven: Look at this! *points at facial hair*

Greg: Holy smokes! You're growin' a beard! You really are getting older. *hugs Steven* Everybody! Look at this!

Pearl: Unbelievable.

Garnet: Very impressive.

Amethyst: Is there more where that came from? *We all laugh as Connie giggles*

(The star starts to close on Connie, who is smiling.)

[END]


	41. Year 2 - It Could've Been Great

**Year 2: It Could've Been Great**

Evening falls on the barn as we continued to work on the Cluster busting drill. Though currently the only one who was actually working was Peridot, while the rest of us were taking it easy.

Me: (I was by Lion relaxing and enjoying the view, so were the other Gems) Wow, I never noticed how beautiful this view is. (Peridot walks up to us.)

Peridot: Steven.

Steven: Hi!

Me: Eh.

Peridot: Why did we stop working on the drill?! Why are they just sitting there looking at nothing?!

Me: Not nothing. Would you look at the view?

Peridot: *mumbles* Some warrior you turned out to be...

Steven: We worked hard and we deserve to take it easy for a little bit. And Marble's right, this is a beautiful view.

Peridot: It's going to be blown to oblivion by the Cluster if we don't get back to work!

Me: It's not emerging today, so why rush?

Steven: Working hard is important, but feeling good is important too.

Peridot: What are you talking about?! (Peridot accidentally turns on the power drill in her hand and it makes a buzzing sound.)

Steven: Hey! *imitates drill* What is that, a C? *plays the note on his ukulele*

Peridot: The drill? *makes the drill buzz again*

Steven: Yeah! (Peridot makes the drill buzz in a higher pitch.) Oh my gosh, now it's music!

Peridot: Music?

Me: Oh brother! Where have you been?

Steven: It's like this, do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-do. *strums ukulele*

Peridot: Do-mi-so-do...

Steven: Isn't it pretty?

Peridot: That's exceedingly simple. (Steven strums his ukulele again.) Do-mi-so-ti...

Steven: We're making music.

Peridot: What is the point? You're not making anything.

Steven: Well, if it isn't anything, then why does it sound so good?

Peridot: I suppose it's just interest... Do-mi-so-do. Devoid of substance or purpose, a hypothetical pattern... Do-mi-so-ti. For the satisfaction of bringing it to completion. Do-mi-so-ti. Interest without meaning? Solutions without problems?

Steven: And then you just add words. Here's what I have been working on.

Me: I feel a song comin' on. I'm gonna sit this one out if you don't mind...

 _ **Life and death and love and birth,**_

 _ **And peace and war on the planet Earth.**_

 _ **Is there anything that's worth more**_

 _ **Than peace and love on the planet Earth?**_

 _ **Oh - Whooah, come on and sing it with me...**_

Peridot: Sing?

 _ **The words relate to the key...**_

Peridot: Key?

 _ **If it's a pattern,**_

 _ **If it's a pattern-**_

 _ **Look, just repeat after me**_

 _ **Life and death and love and birth-**_

(Peridot)

 _ **Life and death and love and birth-**_

Steven: Now you sing mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!

(Both)

 _ **And peace and war on the planet Earth!**_

Me: Now you're gettin' it.

Peridot: That's so easy.

Steven: Yeah, but that's what's fun about it. You should write something, you should write a song!

Peridot: About what?

Steven: Whatever you're thinking!

(Peridot)

 _ **I guess we're already here...**_

 _ **I guess we already know.**_

 _ **We've all got something to fear,**_

 _ **We've all got nowhere to go.**_

 _ **I think you're all INSANE!**_

 _ **But I guess I am too...**_

 _ **Anybody would be**_

 _ **If they were stuck on Earth with you.**_

Steven: Hahaha yes!

(Steven)

 _ **Life and death and love and birth and-**_

(Amethyst)

 _ **Life and death and love and birth and-**_

(Pearl)

 _ **Life and death and love and birth and**_

 _ **Peace and war on the planet Earth.**_

(Garnet)

 _ **Is there anything that's worth more?**_

(Me)

 _ **Is there anything that's worth more?**_

(Steven)

 _ **Is there anything that's worth more?**_

(Peridot)

 _ **Is there anything that's worth more**_

 _ **Than peace and love on the planet Earth...**_

(That night)

Me: Okay, she's all geared up and ready to ride! (We all look at the finished drill, with Steven in awe.)

Garnet: Nice work. (She pats Peridot on the back, but Peridot jumps in fear. We laugh as Steven runs up to hug her)

Peridot: We really did it, huh?

Steven: *gasp* We?

Peridot: Oh wait. I need to check something! *runs to the drill*

Steven: She's come so far. It feels like yesterday she was trying to kill us.

Pearl: No, no, that was several weeks ago.

Me: Ah, memories...

Peridot: Coordinates! We still need the Cluster's exact coordinates in order to drill!

Pearl: There's a Diamond Base that may hold that information, but getting there is going to be difficult.

Steven: How come?

Pearl: Because it's not accessible by warp pad. (She raises her hand to her head above her eyes and looks up to the moon.) And it's on...

Steven: *gasps as his pupils turn into moons* The moon!

Pearl: Yes, Steven, the moon.

Steven: Lion! Can you make us a special super warp to the moon? (Lion grunts and stretches his limbs, ignoring Steven.

Steven: Wait, wait, give me a chance. Come on, Lion, we gotta do this to stop the Cluster! If we don't, there's gonna be no more Earth! No more fun times with your pals, no more Lion Lickers...

Me: No naps? (At this Lion gets up and roars and his eyes glow white. The Gems stare in awe and look to Steven.)

Steven: Guess it was naps. (I jump on Lion's back)

Me: Giddy up, Simba!

(Lion then runs with all of the Gems on his back with Steven and Peridot sticking out of his mane. He roars out a portal and runs through it.)

[Trans. Int. Portal]

Steven: Pretty cool, right? (Peridot screams as Lion creates more portals, increasing his speed with each one.) Go, Lion! Go-o-o-o!

[In the Diamond Base]

(Lion slides across the floor and hits a wall with the Gems still on his back.)

Steven: *gasp* Lion! Are you okay, bud?

Me: *To Peridot* So, first time riding a lion huh?

Peridot: *climbs out of Lion's mane* Erghh, get me out of this furry fre- *slips* whoa! Yeow!

Steven: Oh, Lion. You've earned your naps for the week. *hugs Lion*

Pearl: We made it. (She turns her gemstone into a flashlight)

Steven: It doesn't... look like the moon.

Amethyst: Hey, look over here! I think it's a door. (She places her hand on a wall and two panels open to reveal the surface of the moon. Air sucks out of the base through the open door. She takes her hand away and it closes.) Uhhh, yup! We on the moon!

Pearl: Amethyst, please! Don't blow us into space! (Steven chuckles as he begins to float around in the air.)

Steven: Whoa... *laughs* I'm a *jumps high* moon boy!

Amethyst: *runs over to us* Haha, alright moon boy! (She jumps in the air in an attempt to float around like Steven but instead falls to the floor and grunts.)

Steven: Moon boy quadruple back flip!

Amethyst: Hey! Why can't I be a moon boy?

Peridot: We're Gems, we're a space-faring race designed to conquer other worlds. Our physical forms adjust automatically to the gravity of any planetoid.

Me: Ah, the humans get all the fun.

Steven: I was bouncing on the moon one day! *crashes against a wall* Umph! Huh? Hey Peridot, who is this supposed to be?

Peridot: *gasps* It's Blue Diamond. Wait! Are they all here? Ahh yes! There she is!

Steven: Who? (Peridot runs over to the mural.)

Peridot: Behold! Yellow Diamond! Isn't she magnificent?!

Me: *nervous* She's something...

Steven: Wow... So who are the Diamonds anyway? They seem like a big deal.

Peridot: Are you joking me?! The Diamonds are the Gem matriarchs! Together they make up the Great Diamond Authority that governs Homeworld and all the outlying colonies! We live to serve them! (Garnet walks up behind Peridot, clears her throat, and looks down and Peridot, annoyed.)

(Garnet walks up behind Peridot, clears her throat, and looks down and Peridot, annoyed.)

Peridot: *laughs nervously* What I meant was, we were all made to serve them, even though some of us... don't anymore... *pauses* Hey, I think that's a control service over there! *points across the room* Let's take a look. *heads over*

Me: Can we just find those coordinates and get outta here? I'm not comfortable talkin' about the diamonds.

Steven: *following Peridot* Yeah! (Garnet, Amethyst and I walk over to Peridot who is inspecting a panel on the floor.)

Peridot: I think this is right. The material is different from the surrounding stone. I think if I just do this... (Peridot moves her hands across the panel and it lights up. It rises up, as do the rest of the panels around the room to create a set of stairs, knocking Lion over in the process. Peridot giggles excitedly. The Gems and I then head up the stairs.)

Peridot: This is so incredible. Only the most elite of the elite can enter these sanctums. We are literally walking in the very footsteps of the diamonds!

Steven: They must really like stairs. (They enter a room upstairs with only a mysterious object in the middle of it.) Hey, what's this room?

Garnet: It's not what we came here for.

Amethyst: Can we hurry it up? This place gives me the creeps.

Me: Me too. (We continue up the stairs until they reach the top.) Wow.

Steven: We really are on the moon.

Me: Yeah. Liking what they've done here. Roomy, air-sealed, dramatic view...

Peridot: *goes over to a device* Oh my goodness! This looks like it could be brand new! I mean it's a relic by today's standards, but, golly! It's so elegant, so simple, so perfect!

Amethyst: So how do you turn it on?

Peridot: I have no idea. (The device activates as Steven has accidentally turned it on.)

Steven: Hey, it's got one of those glowy hand dealies.

Peridot: You can't sit there!

Steven: Why not? It's really cool.

Peridot: That chair is only for the most elite Gems, you can't go around sitting where an Elite would sit.

Me: Move over! (I sit with Steven)

Steven: Hey Peri. There's room for one more. (Peridot glances to her left, then sits down and laughs excitedly. Steven grabs a white, octahedral crystal.) Hey, what's this doodad for?

Peridot: Put that back! Hm, okay, let's see here... (The chair they are sitting in gets closer to the control panel.) There we go. This is a really old system. (The screen switches between 7 files represented by diamond shapes.) Gotta find the right file... aha! Cluster, Cluster where are you, Cluster? Aha! There's the insertion point. Looks like the Beta Kindergarten in Facet Nine. It's the smaller of the two, not nearly as impressive as yours, Amethyst.

Amethyst: Uhh... thanks?

Pearl: But where is the cluster now?

Peridot: Hang on... there it is! It's embedded deep into the mantle, relative to the barn its roughly two thousand five hundred units down.

Me: So what do we do now?

Peridot: All we need to do is feed this data to the drill and we should be all set.

Pearl: That's it then, mission accomplished!

Steven: Yeah, team!

Amethyst: Great, let's get the heck out of here.

Steven: Wait! Hold on, does this thing have any games on it?

Peridot: No no no no, this wasn't used for games.

Steven: Aw.

Me: Well, what is it used for?

Peridot: It was used for planning a colony. Here, look. (A map of Earth appears on the screen.) So here is a map of all structures that were originally built on Earth. All told, this probably only accounts for maybe, five percent of what was originally planned.

Steven: What was the plan?

Peridot: Well, let's take a look. (A hologram is projected of what appears to be a hollow Earth, with rings around it.) Ta-da! A finished Earth colony. Impressive, isn't it? Wow, look at this! Eighty-nine kindergartens, sixty-seven spires, a Galaxy Warp in each facet, efficient use of all available materials. What were you thinking, shutting this operation down? It could've been great!

Me: That's all you can say!? Your plan is to turn this earth into a hollow shell!

Peridot: What do you mean? It's perfect, look at it.

Pearl: We are looking at it.

Amethyst: Yeah, this plan stinks.

Garnet: Completing this colony would have meant the extinction of all life on Earth!

Me: That wasn't part of the deal!

Peridot: But think of the good it would have done. The Gems that would have been made, our Empire expanded.

Pearl: Rose Quartz believed all life was precious, and worth protecting.

Peridot: Well if she wanted to protect it she did a lousy job! There'd be no cluster if the Earth had stayed a colony. Now there's no colony, and there's gonna be no Earth, so thank you, Rose Quartz! You doomed the planet! (Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, And I each look at Peridot furiously.)

Steven: Oh... *laughs nervously, sings* Is there anything that's worth more th-? (Garnet picks up Peridot by the front of her tunic.)

Garnet: You, listen to me, now. *summons gauntlet* You are talking about things that you do not understand...

Peridot: Please, Marble! I shared the information with you! You trusted me!

Me: That was before I found out it was all part of your scam to turn this planet into your own personal playground!

Steven: Garnet, Marble, stop! Please! It's not worth it. We're done here, let's just... go home. (Garnet drops Peridot on the ground and smashes the control panel with her gauntlet. We walk down the step)

Peridot: What did I say? I'm just stating a fact. The Rebellion didn't really save Earth, it just delayed the inevitable.

Steven: *sighs* That's not the way they see it. They've spent thousand of years trying to protect the Earth. I thought maybe, you finally understood why. (Steven walks down the stairs) Peridot!

Peridot: What? I'm coming. (Steven glances at Peridot and notices she is holding the chair's gemstone behind her back.)

Garnet: Let's go, you two.

(Steven looks in the direction of Peridot and frowns.)

[END]


	42. Year 2 - Message Recieved

**Year 2: Message Received**

We were putting the finishing touches on the drill to the Cluster. Ever since we heard Peridot's plan, it gave us more reason for us to stop that underground menace from cracking this planet open like an egg. But what happened today may change our tunes about that space nerd.

(Steven closes the barn door and shows the Diamond Communicator to the others and they all gasp)

Pearl: She took a direct line to the Diamonds! From the moon base? What was she thinking?

Me: She was thinking about ratting us out to the Diamonds!

Amethyst: Man, after everything we've gone through, she's still out to get us! Ohh, I'm takin' back all my cool nicknames for her! So long, Peri and P-dot, hello... Ahhh, I'm too mad! I'll think of something later.

Me: I'm still using Space Nerd!

Steven: (hears Peridot honking the truck horn from inside the barn and puts his hood up.) I see she knows what a horn is now. (tugs on the sweater's strings)

Amethyst: Ugh, I know right? But I guess you can't like go into peoples heads and change how they think. Maybe we can? Yea-a-ah if we just shrink down really little-

Me: Amethyst, no! Maybe later...

Steven: Yeah, and besides, I don't want to tell her what to do. She should just know. Shouldn't she?

Garnet: It's 'cause you believe in everyone Steven. Like your mother, you seem to have a little more patience then the rest of us. But the truth is, not everyone deserves that patience.

Pearl: Look on the bright side. At least you got this thing away from her before she did any real damage.

Steven: ... Yeah. (Suddenly one side of the barn explodes.) *turns around* Oh-h-h-h no-o-o-o-o! (The Gems see Peridot bursting out of the barn in her robot from "Back to the Barn".)

Peridot: *laughs maniacally* Free, freeeee! Ahahaha!

Me: Looks like Peribot's back for round two!

Steven: How did she escape? (Peridot throws the truck door in front of the Gems.)

Pearl: Ah!

Peridot: Fools! Your invisible rotary shield was no match for me... once I applied logic! (Steven groans in frustration as the Gems run towards Peridot.) Now I'm going to do this right. (Throws a truck at them. Pearl and Amethyst keep ahold of the Homeworld communicator, but lose it to Peridot.) See? None of you know what you doing! *Runs away*

Amethyst: O-ho-ho-ho oka-hay! I've been ready for this! (Her gem glows, as she transforms into an helicopter) Get in.

Me: Shotgun!

Pearl: Where's Steven?

Steven: Stupid Peridot, stupid giant robot! Oh why, oh why did I have to encourage her?

Garnet: *shapeshifts her arm, grabs Steven and puts him in the seat* There's no time for feeling horrible. We have to catch Peridot before she contacts Yellow Diamond. (Amethyst-copter lifts off)

Pearl: That's right. You can feel horrible all you want back at the temple.

Me: Well, thanks for trying to cheer him up. (Amethyst flies and chases Peridot as she tries to open the communicator.)

Amethyst: What's up, Perisnot?! (Pearl summons her spear, I summon my axe, and Garnet summons her gauntlets.)

Steven: Good one, Amethyst! (Peridot sees them and screams)

Me: I call dibs on her head. (Garnet launches her gauntlets at the Peribot, knocking it into an electricity line. The robot falls over and lets go of the communicator.)

Peridot: (getting up) Ohh... (sees communicator so she gasps and smiles, but Pearl's spear flies down and knocks the communicator away from Peridot.)

Amethyst: Dog pile! (We smash and punch Peribot as Peridot slips away through the arm of the robot to retrieve the communicator.)

Steven: You're not getting away with it! *grabs Peridot* I trusted you! I spend all that time bonding and hoping and caring about you!

Peridot: You don't get it either! This is your whole pro-o-oble-e-em! Your emotions rule out reason! I will do what has to be done!

Steven: Wh- (Peridot turns the communicator and it glows yellow. It begins to float above them.)

Me: Uh-oh...

Peridot: *giggles* She'll sort this out. (The Gems take cover behind the bot. The communicator opens up a hologram as Peridot gets manically excited.)

Yellow Diamond's Pearl: This is the Yellow Diamond control room.

Amethyst: Is that another pearl?

Steven: Who is she?

Pearl: Ugh, not all pearls know each other, Steven.

Yellow Diamond's Pearl: Who authorized you to make this call?

Peridot: No one, b-b-but it's an emergency!

Yellow Diamond's Pearl: That's no excuse to use the direct diamond communication channel.

Me: Goodness Pearl, she sounds more annoying than you!

Pearl: Shh!

Yellow Diamond: Pearl.

Yellow Diamond's Pearl: Yes, my Diamond?

Yellow Diamond: Why is there someone on the Diamond line?

Yellow Diamond's Pearl: I don't know. I was just about to tell her that-

Yellow Diamond: I'll take it from here. (pulls up her end of the communicator, revealing Yellow Diamond. The others, sans Peridot, gasp)

Amethyst: Is that...

Pearl: Yellow...

Garnet: Diamond!

Me: I'm so dead...

Peridot: My diamond! Peridot, reporting in.

Yellow Diamond: Which peridot?

Peridot: F- Facet-2-F-5-L, Cut-5-X-G. I'm sorry to contact you this way, but all other forms of communication have been destroyed and - (Yellow Diamond makes a sign for Peridot to stop talking.)

Yellow Diamond: This says you're behind schedule on your mission to... How is... the Earth?

Peridot: It's... full of life.

Yellow Diamond: Organic life... and where is the Jasper I assigned you? And why aren't you calling from the ship?

Peridot: The ship was destroyed.

Yellow Diamond: By whom?

Peridot: I-I-I-It was destroyed by... *gazes at Steven* no one! There was... an accident... while we were...landing.

Yellow Diamond: I'll inform your manager of your incompetence. And what is the status of The Cluster?

Peridot: The Cluster... will emerge shortly.

Yellow Diamond: Good. We'll finally get some use out of that miserable planet... Thank you for your report, Peridot. There'll be a ship heading to your location to take you to your next assignment.

Periot: Wait! I-I wouldn't called to waste your time with a report.

Yellow Diamond: You already have.

Peridot: No, I mean... the reason I called... the real reason is... I believe we should terminate The Cluster.

Yellow Diamond: ...Why?

Peridot: The organic ecosystem creates resources unique to this world; we can't sacrifice all that potential just for one geo-weapon! I'd like to tell you some plans I came up with to utilize a planet without disrupting the local -

Yellow Diamond: I've heard enough! I don't care about potential and resources.

Peridot: What?!

Yellow Diamond: I want my Cluster, and I want that planet to die. Just make that happen.

Peridot: No! (Yellow Diamond's Pearl gasps)

Yellow Diamond: Are you questioning my authority?!

Peridot: I'm... questioning your objectivity! My Diamond.

Yellow Diamond's Pearl: Well!

Yellow Diamond: You are out of line.

Peridot: I just think -

Yellow Diamond: I'm not interested in the puny thoughts of a Peridot.

Peridot: But!

Yellow Diamond: Silence! You have disrespected this channel and my time with your presence and you would do well to -

Peridot: But -

Yellow Diamond: Shut your mouth! (Peridot flinches) Peridot, you have failed at every stage of this mission. Your only chance to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order. You are to leave the Cluster to grow. It will tear apart the Earth, and I will take immense satisfaction in erasing that hideous rock off of our star maps. Is that clear?!

Peridot: I won't do it! I can tell you with certainty that there are things on this planet worth protecting!

Me: *whispering* Is she doing what I think she's doing?

Yellow Diamond: What do you two know about the Earth?

Peridot: Apparently more than YOU! You... CLOD! (Yellow Diamond glares angrily at Peridot.) Ah! Peridot, out! (Peridot cuts the transmission.)

Steven: (He and the other went up to Peridot to congratulate her) That was AMAZING!

Peridot: I can't believe I just did that...

Me: *laughs* Oh, man! You just burned your own leader! Talk about your rebellious youth!

Garnet: You thought you could change her mind.

Amethyst: Yellow D got torn down by the "Peri-dactyl"!

Me: I guess you're alright after all, Space Nerd!

Peridot: *sighs and gives the communicator to Pearl* Can one of you take this?

Pearl: Why?

Peridot: Because it can be remotely detonated. (Communicator glows red and we start to panic while Peridot curls up into a ball.)

Pearl: How do we stop it?!

Garnet: Just get rid of it!

Pearl: Here Amethyst. *passes the communicator to Amethyst*

Amethyst: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?! *tosses it to me*

Me: DON'T LOOK AT ME! (Tosses it to Garnet)

Garnet: Steven! (she throws it to Steven, who bubbles it and she punches the bubbled communicator, launching it far away where it explodes.)

Peridot: I thought I could reason with her...

Me: Diamonds are never reasonable.

Amethyst: Yeah. You really made her mad.

Pearl: And then you insulted her to her face.

Steven: Do you know what this means?!

Peridot: I'm a traitor to my home world...

Steven: You're a Crystal Gem! *hugs Peridot* Mmmmmm!

Garnet: Whether you like it or not.

Me: I think it's safe to say she's proved herself. (Peridot starts groaning loudly as the camera zooms out, revealing the Earth before the episode ends.)

[END]


	43. Year 3 - Super Watermelon Island

**Year 3: Super Watermelon Island**

Okay, now to recap: Pearl lied to Garnet so they can be Sardonyx, then Peridot, stranded on earth, stripped of her limb enhancers, is forced to stay here on earth in an effort to help us stop a gigantic underground pile of gems from cracking the world open like an egg!

Of course Peridot didn't have a choice joinin' us since the day she burned Yellow Diamond. Heh, "Clod", priceless. But anyway we had bigger fish to fry, a fusion sized fish...

(Steven wakes up, panting.)

Peridot: Didn't you feel that?

Amethyst: Feel what?

Peridot: The ground shook. This could be the start of the emergence of the Cluster. Stage 1: Slight tremors every quarter hour. Stage 2: Full scale earthquakes. Stage 3: the Earth is destroyed! We're running out of time. We need to drill right now!

Steven: No, it's Malachite!

Gems: Malachite?!

Me: You mean that terrifying fusion of Lapis and Jasper?!

Peridot: What?

Steven: I was on Mask Island. I was in a Watermelon Steven. They have a lovely community, but Malachite, she was there! (Amethyst coughs out a bite of her sandwich.)

Me: Wait a minute. How were you a watermelon?

Steven: Well, I fell asleep, then I woke up in a watermelon body.

Me: Thanks for the information...

Garnet: Lapis Lazuli is losing control. Soon Jasper will overpower her and Malachite will be loose.

Pearl: Who knows what sort of destruction an unstable fusion like Malachite could cause!

Garnet: Alright, Gems. Pearl, Marble ,Amethyst and I will warp to Mask Island. Steven, it's too dangerous for you. Stay here and watch the drill with Peridot. Let's go, Gems! To the nearest warp pad!

Amethyst, Pearl, and Me: To the nearest warp pad!

We ran off to the warp pad and teleported to the picturesque Mask Island. Calm and serene, and full of life. If you minus the giant rampaging fusion.

(Drums play in the background. The drums stop when a Watermelon Steven convulses and falls to the ground, possessed by Steven. Steven gets up and runs to the beach, where Malachite struggles against her chains)

Garnet: Alright. Let's put an end to this.

And with that we joined together form our ultima fusion Alexandrite, for a mighty battle against Malachite. But I still belive that Lapis can break free of Jasper's clutches.

Malachite: (in Jasper's voice) Give up! Argh! (Malachite breaks her chains and pants.) I'm impressed! You really held out.

Alexandrite: Malachite!

Malachite: (in Jasper's voice) Ugh, Stop! Pathetic! Don't you see? We've been holding us back for too long. And for what? If we're going to be this thing together, why don't we have some fun?

Alexandrite: (speaking from her second mouth) We don't have to fight! You're outnumbered.

Malachite: (raises two water fists.) I may be outnumbered, but you're out of your depth. I can't wait to tear you gems apart.

Alexandrite: (In Marble's voice) Lapis! I know you're in there! You can fight her!

Malachite: (in Lapis' voice) Marble... (In Jasper's voice) Aargh!

(Alexandrite roars and she and Malachite fight. Alexandrite charges at Malachite who summons a water fist and tries to punch her, Alexandrite dodges, forcing Malachite to hold her. Alexandrite breathes fire on the water fist holding her, evaporating it. Malachite emerges from the water, turning large droplets into ice daggers, intent on aiming them at Alexandrite. She then pulls out Amethyst's whip, and then combining it with Pearl's spear to create Opal's bow, then she shoots arrows at Malachite but she forms a wall of ice in front of her, deflecting the arrows)

Alexandrite: (In Marble's voice) You can't hide forever! (Malachite spreads Lapis' water wings and dodges in time, then she uses Jasper's spin charge and helmet at Alexandrite, she pulls out Marble's axe and deflects her) Time I split you two up for good)

Malachite: (In Jasper's voice) When will you learn? You can't spereate us! We're unstoppable. (She uses the spin charge again and sends Alexandrite to the floor, breaking the warp pad.)

Malachite had us pinned down, and it seemed like getting rid of this menace is hopeless. Until we had some surprise backup...

(Malachite pins Alexandrite against cliff.)

Malachite: You know, you're right. (Alexandrite attempts to breath fire, but Malachite punches Alexandrite.) There really is something more to this fusion thing. It's not just a cheap trick. (Malachite throws Alexandrite, and Alexandrite screams before splashing into the ocean.) You've really shown me a whole new world of possibilities. (Alexandrite begins to unfuse, and glows for a moment before stopping and retaining her form.)

Alexandrite: Keep it together.

Malachite: Allow me to thank you. (Malachite forms a pair of water hands that close around Alexandrite and freeze) Sorry, but there's only room for one abomination on this measly planet. *Laughs* (A horn is blown) Huh?

(Watermelon Stevens emerge on to the beach. Steven blows a shell horn. A number of Watermelon Stevens grunt as they clang their spears against Malachite's hands. Others fire arrows from bows into Malachite, who laughs and giggles. Steven blows a shell horn, and several catapults launch stones at Malachite, stopping her laughter. One Watermelon Steven in a skirt makes a war cry as it falls towards Malachite's eye. Watermelon Steven in skirt punches Malachite's eye, with a squishing sound. Malachite trips over a rope and falls to the ground, where more Watermelons punch her. Alexandrite breaks out of the ice hands, breathing heavily, and roars.)

Malachite: What is this?! You think you can hold me down? (Malachite throws some Watermelon Stevens into the air. The Watermelon Stevens all splat on the ground.) Nobody can! Not anymore! (Malachite prepares to step on Steven and Melon Mutt, but Sugilite's flail wraps around Malachite and hits her in the face.)

Alexandrite: You two should spend some time apart. (Alexandrite fires the arrow, which turns into a shape of Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl holding hands before piercing Malachite. Malachite inflates and explodes. Steven and the other Watermelons cheer. Alexandrite walks to the beach, with Jasper and Lapis Lazuli in her hands after catching them, and she falls to her knees, groaning before she unfuses. Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst and I land)

Amethyst: Eurgh... I'm alive.

Me: (pants) She was quite the fighter... (Steven hugs Pearl)

Pearl: Steven, is that you in there? (Steven nods)

Garnet: Thank you. We couldn't have done it without your help.

Amethyst: Good job, melon head.

Garnet: (to the Watermelon Stevens) Thank you. All of you. You are truly brave.

Watermelon Stevens: *happy grunts* (Everybody laughs until suddenly, there is a tremor, then an earthquake that shakes the whole island. Jasper slides into a fissure.)

Watermelon Steven: *Grunts for Jasper as Melon Mutt barks*

Garnet: It must be the cluster. Peridot was right. Steven, it's up to you. The warp was destroyed. We won't make it back in time. (Steven shakes his head) Wake up, get Peridot and the others and start drilling. The Earth needs you, Steven. We'll be fine. You can do this. We believe in you. (Steven nods. Amethyst and Pearl join Garnet.)

Amethyst: You got this, dude. You know the drill.

Pearl: Be careful, Steven. Watch each other's backs.

Me: No pressure. But the fate of the world is in your hands now.

Garnet: And Steven, we love you. (The watermelon Steven closes his eyes, the tremors continue)

Me: Alright, people! What are we doing standing around here? Let's blow this sandbox!

Amethyst: But how? The warp pad's busted after that fight with Malachite!

Pearl: I know where we can find another one! This way!

And so after our tussle with Lapis and Jasper's fusion, it was all up to Steven to go down to the Cluster and break it before it breaks all of earth! By the time we warped back to the barn, he did all that and more...

(Steven hears the warp pad, and looks over to it. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and I have returned. Garnet is carrying Lapis, unconscious in her arms. Steven and Peridot run over to them.)

Steven: Guys! You're back! I-is Lapis okay?

Garnet: She'll be fine.

Pearl: You look happy! Uh, did you destroy the cluster?

Steven: No, I talked to it.

Pearl: What?

Me: How can you talk to a cluster? The only thing it understands is destroying the earth!

Steven: But it doesn't wanna destroy the Earth. It just wants company. And it's got it now. It's like a bajillion people! They'll have lots of time to get to know each other, now that they're in a bubble.

Pearl: How on Earth did you bubble that whole thing?!

Steven: We had a little help.

Me: Steven, the way you work is still a mystery to me.

(The camera pans rapidly down to the cluster, now surrounded in a pink bubble.)


	44. Year 3 - Same Old World

**Year 3: Same Old World**

Welp, hours have passed since Steven stopped the Cluster from destroying the earth, and Jasper and Lapis were finally split up. And yet, I can't help but worry about her. I'm mean she has been trapped under the ocean for so long, and forced to share a body with our worst enemy. In short, what she needed was a new outlook...

Peridot: It was so intense down there! We were already a few layers into the Earth's crust, WHEN SUDDENLY - WA-PAMO! KA POWIE! All these gross Cluster limbs started clawing at the drill. So, I whipped out the old Photon Blaster and, "PEW PEW P-CHOW CHOW! Take that, Cluster!". And Steven was all, "My feelings!", and then up and passes out on me! Then everything started glowing and... well, yeah, wait. (Peridot clears her throat) I'm sure Steven can fill you in on the rest since he's the one who saved us. You should've seen it, right Steven? Tell 'em what happened in there! (Steven doesn't respond) Steven?

Steven: Hold on a sec. I'll be right back. (Steven and I walk to the barn to check up on Lapis Lazuli)

Garnet: I see you two are worried about your friend.

Steven: Yeah. When I saw her in my dreams, it looked like she was fighting so hard to keep Malachite from escaping.

Me: She must be traumatized after that.

Garnet: Lapis spent an unbearable amount of time fused with Jasper. The emotional and physical strain of that type of fusion; I can't imagine. She's gonna need a lot of time to recover.

Steven: (sighs) You're right.

Garnet: Come on, I'm dying to hear more about what happened underground.

Steven: (chuckles) Okay.

(As Steven and Garnet walked away, I walked towards Lapis)

Me: Hey, girl. It's me, Marble, you're friend. I don't know if you can hear me in there. But I just want you to know that I understand what you're going through, and I'll be here for you, just like you were there for me. (sighs) Well, goodnight. *I leave*

As I went to sleep, turns out Lapis was okay. But she couldn't stay long, well she could because she doesn't know where to go...

(The next day)

(Greg is packing his van in front of the barn)

Steven: Are you sure you wanna stay? You could always come back to the temple with us and live in the bathroom again.

Peridot: (lounging on an old tractor) No thanks, I have seen what goes on in there. (Steven blushes) Besides, I've grown accustomed to this place, and I should probably fix the hole that I made with my giant robot. (camera pans to the giant hole in the barn wall)

Steven: Mm, okay! Well, have fun redecorating!

(Outside the barn, Greg closes the van doors)

Greg: Well, that's everything... and then some. Steven, you guys ready to go home?

Garnet: (pops head out of the van window) All seat belts are fastened!

Steven: (walks up to the van) Peridot says she's staying.

Greg: Eh, it's probably for the best. I don't think she would've fit in the van.

Steven: You guys go on ahead, I'll catch up with you on Lion.

Me: I think i'll hitch a ride with Lion, too.

Greg: (heads into the van) Sure, o-okay, I'll see you in a bit. (The van drives off)

Steven: (raises arm to wave) See ya! Now where is that feline? (Steven walks off, calling out) Lion? Hey, Lion?! (inhales; yells) LEEEE-on! I have a big steak right here in my hand for you! (drops it) Whoops, I dropped it and it fell out of existence!

Me: Don't worry, I have nice big ball of yarn for- [drops it] Oops, butterfingers...

Steven: You can't hide from me too long because you love me soooo much!

Me: Forget it Steven, that cat's too lazy.

Steven: Maybe he went home.

Me: Where, Steven? The only place he knows is the temple. Other than that he has nowhere else to go. Like...

Steven: [Offscreen] Lapis!

Me: Yes, her! She's been trapped in that mirror for so long and now she can't find anywhere else to- [I look up to see that Lapis is sitting on top of the silo] Holy Saskcathewan dipping sauce on a summer blockbuster! [I raced up the ladder and hugged Lapis] Lapis! You're okay!

Lapis: Marble! Excited to see me?

Me: You have no idea! (Steven climbs up the ladders of the silo but struggles to keep his balance, then sits beside Lapis)

Steven: I thought you left!

Lapis: I was leaving, then I realized I've got nowhere to go. Who knows what they would do to me back home after what I did to Jasper? I can't go back to Homeworld, and... I can't stay here.

Steven: Sure you can! (Lapis looks towards Steven)

Lapis: What?

Steven: You can totally stay here, it doesn't have to be here here. You can live anywhere! You don't have to stay in Beach City if you don't want to. (Steven takes out his hands and starts naming the cities he knows on the top of his head) You could live in Surf City or Sea City, Aqua Town, Bayburgh, and that's just the places I know of off the top of my head.

Me: Yeah, I'm pretty sure you made those up. [To Lapis] Now, listen Lapis. You've been contained far from your home and stuck fused with Jasper.

Lapis: What's your point.

Me: My point is you need to stop worrying about what happened to you. See, I have an old saying...

Steven: "Use it or lose it"?

Me: No.

Steven: "Never look a centipeetle in the mouth"?

Me: No.

Steven: "Take this job and shove it up yo-" [I cover Steven's mouth before he coud finish]

Me: Steven, please. Lie down before you hurt youself. [to Lapis] It's you gotta put your past behind you. Whaddya say we help you find you a new a place to live?

Lapis: Really?

Steven: Yeah, we could find you a new place to live. I really only know the tri-state area but my phone has a global positioning system.

Lapis: Hmm... I don't know...

Me: Oh, come on! Think of as a real estate opportunity

Lapis: Uhh, okay, let's go look.

Steven: (Steven stands up and says) Ready Freddy?

Lapis: My name's Lapis. (Lapis sits down in order to allow Steven and me to climb on her back, she stands up after he's up) You two okay like this? (Steven nods his head in agreement, and they take off to the skies)

Me: Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go!

Steven: Whoa! (Steven is rallied up with fear and excitement while he holds on to Lapis as we fly above a moving train and fields of the farms) So, how about this? You could live out here in the country; there's no noise, no rules, and it just be you becoming one with nature.

Lapis: (She looks around out of curiosity) Why would I want to do that?

Steven: Because it's fun. If you live with these trees, you could build a giant bird nest and have squirrels as pets! You could eat acorn pie every night, and when it gets hotter or rains, you would be protected by these nice leaves.

Lapis: (Lapis Looks interestingly towards the leaves as her eyes shine due to the sunlight that reflect upon them) "Leaves"...

Me: I don't think Lapis would like living in trees Steven. Moving on!

Steven: (Steven takes out the leaf from his mouth) Whoa, Lapis, look at this! This leaf turned orange. This means the season are changing from summer to fall; soon, it will happen to all the leaves on all the trees.

Me: Ah, yes fall. The season of change, school openings, and new primetime tv schedules. So, not everyone's a fan of this season.

Lapis Lazuli: Wow.

Steven: So, what do you think?

Lapis: (Lapis looks down as she flies) Hmmm, I'm not sure.

Me: More of an urban person huh? Well, we got just the place for you! (We later arrive over Empire City)

Lapis: What's this?

Me: Welcome to Empire City! The city of dazzling lights, famous sights, and broadway! If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. So, what do ya think?

Lapis: It's very bright.

Steven: Yeah, that's why they say, "What happens in Empire city never sleeps."

Lapis: So, what does happen in Empire City?

Steven: Well, let's see. If you lived here, you could get a cool apartment, and be a single gem taking on the big city. You'll have a fun job in a coffee shop, come home to a wacky roommate...

Me: And start on the road to becoming a famous celebrity with leigon of fans, and then later have a diva moment in your trailer!

Lapis: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Steven: Aww.

Lapis: Hey, what's that shadowy place right there?

Steven: Oh, that's Jersey.

(At Jersey)

Lapis: Is it populated by machines?

Steven: No, those are cars. They make a lot of smog. (Steven coughs due to the pollution) You'd like it in Jersey. The people here seem to hate the Earth, too.

Me: Not the best way to describe this place, Steven.

Random bystander: Quit flyin' in our sky, you mooks! (A stranger throws a boot towards them, Lapis and Steven respond by making a raspberry related noise)

Me: It's a free country, bub! We'll fly wherever we want! (I do the palm raspberry gesture, then I get hit in the face with another boot) Pain!

Steven: Marble! You okay?

Me: I will be as soon as I kick that deadbeat to California! (I summon my axe)

Lapis: I think we should go.

Steven: Good idea.

And so we continued to fly into the night. We had quite a ride, until we saw a familiar place.

Steven: Hey, we made it out all the way over the ocean. I wonder how far out we are? Oh, cool. The Galaxy Warp.

Me: The what? (Lapis looks at the Galaxy Warp as it brings her tragic memories. Steven starts to lose his grip)

Steven: Umm, Lapis, (Steven starts slipping) I'm slipping a little there, bud. Lapis, Lapis, I'm slipping!

Me: I got ya, buddy! (I hold on to Steven)

Lapis: So-sorry, I'm sorry. (Lapis, Steven, and I, land near the Galaxy Warp and we all walk towards it) This is where I was abandoned.

Me: Abandoned?

Steven: You knew about this?

Me: No. All I remember was losing her in the middle of a war... (Lapis Lazuli looks down in despair as she recalls terrible memories) The rest was a blur.

Steven: What happened? (Lapis Lazuli suddenly starts to control the water and surrounds the Warp Pads with it, creating walls and mirrors of liquid, Steven and Lapis stand on a Warp Pad's small flight of stairs) Woah! (Lapis, Steven and I could see their reflections on the clear glass-like water that covered the Warp Pad) It's like a mirror.

Lapis: (Lapis recalls memories that begin on Earth about thousands of years ago in a beautiful green-filled savanna) It was thousands of years ago. The place I landed was where I met Marble. I was only meant to visit for a short time, (Suddenly the background turns into chaos showing the devastation of gems) but I got caught in the middle of the war. It was awful! I tried to run but (Lapis is attacked by a Gem, dissipating her physical form in the process)... I was picked up by a Homeworld soldier and confused for a Crystal Gem and used as a tool. (Lapis' gemstone is placed on the back of the Mirror). They'd asked me, "Show us your base!", "Where is your leader?" I didn't know. I couldn't say I'm not one of them. It soon became clear that there was no hope in stopping the rebellion. All of the Homeworld Gems fled (They begin to flee through the Galaxy Warp and flying saucers), and all the panic of escaping Earth (The mirror is dropped and her gemstone is stepped on in the retreating stampede, cracking it in the process), I was left behind. (A bright flash of light appears in the sky) And there I stayed. Freedom in my sight, but out of reach for ages, until I was found. (A younger Pearl appears to be scanning the Galaxy Warp and picks up Lapis' mirror)

Me: Lapis... (Lapis loses her concentration and lets go of the waters)

Lapis: I'll be fine. Let me take you back.

Steven: You sure you don't want to take a minute?

Lapis: (Lapis presses the left side of her head) It's fine. I just wanna get outta here. (Lapis starts smiling)

Steven: Okay. (Lapis takes off with Steven and Me)

Lapis: For a moment, I really felt like things were different, but they're not. No matter where I go, I'm trapped.

Steven: But you're not. You're not underwater, you're not in a mirror.

Me: And you're not in a prison on a spaceship, or fused with anyone! (beat) The important thing is, this time, you're free!

Lapis: But I'm still on Earth.

Steven: Yeah, but nothing is still on Earth. Everything's always changing- leaves, cities, even Jersey changes. My dad says the rest stops used to be pretty gross, but now they have sushi. This isn't the same world that held you prisoner- not anymore, and I know it doesn't feel like home, but maybe that can change, too. (We all land near the barn) I know you can't go back to Homeworld, but if you stay here, it will be your choice to stay here. (he hands her the leaf he caught in his mouth earlier)

Lapis: It's funny. For all this time I spent on Earth, I barely saw any of it.

Steven: That's not funny! That's super sad. (Lapis looks at the horizon as the sun rises)

Lapis: I...I wanna see it.

Steven: Yeah?

Lapis: I wanna stay here!

Me: You do?

Lapis: Yes, here!

Steven: Here? Like here here?

Lapis: Yeah, here here! (Peridot randomly pops out of nowhere)

Me: Oh, hey, Peridot! Lapis, you remember-

Lapis: You?!

Peridot: Lazuli, nice to see you up and about.

Lapis: What are you doing here?!

Peridot: This is my new home away from Homeworld!

Lapis: No, it's not! It's mine! Right, guys?

Steven: Uh... oh, boy. (Steven looks down, not knowing what to do)

Me: We're gonna need a whole 'nother episode to figure this out.

(Star iris on me)

[END]


	45. Year 3 - Barn Mates

**Year 3: Barn Mates**

Okay, so we finally convinced Lapis to let go of her past and stay here on earth. But the minute she saw Peridot, it wasn't the happy reunion we were expecting...

Peridot: And then I'll say, "Hey, as one refugee to another, it isn't so bad that we can't go back to Homeworld, am I right? Why don't we watch the sun come up and figure out what we're going to do with all this time, eh Lazuli?" And then she'll say, "Yes Peridot, as impressed I was by you on the ship, I am even more impressed with your new compact look and capacity for friendship! I'm so glad we're going to live together!" Peridot, Facet 5. (Peridot ends her log, turns towards Lapis casually) Let's begin.

Lapis: This isn't gonna work.

Peridot: Wait, what?

Lapis: I really thought I would be living alone here.

Steven: Yeah, but this is even better! Oh here, how about this? I saw this on an episode of a TV show! I didn't see how it ended, but I'm sure it worked out right (Steven takes out a marker from his left pocket and open the cap). We'll divide this place in half, you'll both have your own space (Steven divides the Barn into 2 non-equal parts using the marker). High ceilings, real wood floors, convenient location on the heart of the country; so what do you think, roomies? (Stands up and puts the cap of the marker on.)

Peridot: (approvingly) I like the cut of your gem, Steven Quartz!

Lapis: No. No way!

Peridot: What's the problem? You're the one getting all the good stuff! You've got the propeller and paint cans on your side! You can do tons with those! oooh... (Peridot puts her right finger on her chin thoughtfully) actually, I want the paint cans - you wanna trade something?

Lapis: (dismissively) I don't care about paint cans. That's not the problem.

Me: Well then, care to tell us what is?

Lapis: It's her.

Peridot: Egh?! (Peridot backs away from Lapis, confused.)

Me: Who? Peridot?

Lapis: (angrily) Yes! I can't stand the thought of looking at her everyday. She's the one who dragged me back to Earth!

Peridot: (defending herself) Hey, it wasn't my idea! I was headed to earth and I needed an informant! It should have been a simple mission. Things didn't exactly work out for either of us.

Lapis: (furiously) You used me like everyone else did!

Peridot: But it's not like that anymore! It's different now - (gesturing to herself) I'm different.

Steven: (joining Peridot's side) It's true, Lapis! Peridot has really come into her own since she's been living on Earth.

Me: You should've seen her! She totally burned Yellow Diamond!

Peridot: Please stop bringing that up.

Me: Just hear her out, Lappy! She's changed a lot since the whole jail-break episode.

Peridot: I sabotaged my own mission! I helped save the Earth! I even yelled at Yellow Diamond! She's probably sending a whole fleet to find me and shatter me right now. (concluding her rant of achievements) I'm kind of a big deal; (gesturing dramatically to bring emphasis) a big Anti-Homeworld Deal!

Lapis: (softening her tone as she tries to smile) Guys, I don't think this is gonna work.

Steven: (trying to think up a solution to convince Lapis) Ahhhh, ummmm, maybe we could put up a curtain? (Lapis gives him a patient smile, but walks out of the barn and flies to the top of the Silo.)

Me: Well, so much for that.

Steven: (Steven looks to Peridot) Err, sorry. Thought this was gonna be okay... I forgot the last time you saw each other.. wasn't, so okay.

Peridot: That was in the past! It's not like that now! UGHHHH!

Steven: (assuring her) I know.

Peridot: But obviously she doesn't! She's the one who needs to know! I want her to understand!

Steven: (Steven is endeared by Peridot's efforts) Aw Peridot, that's sweet! That's the you you need to show her!

Peridot: (confused) Show her my sweet..?

Me: Convince her that you changed and wish to start over.

Peridot: Start over? You mean, reform?

Me: Oh, were in for a long day...

(Later...)

Steven: (takes out a giant piece of paper and folds it in half) Cards are a great way to tell someone something if you can't be face to face with them! (remembering what Lapis said) ...or if they don't wanna see your face. You gotta give her a taste of the sweet version of Peridot. Here, look! (hands Peridot his drawing) It's you and Lapis holding hands!

Peridot: (not taken by Steven's cute drawing) Where are our noses?

Steven: (dismissively) Oh, that's kinda part of my style lately.

Peridot: Is not having fingers also your style?

Steven: No, I'm-I'm just bad in drawing hands.

Steven: (going back to the card) So here's your part - come here! (Steven gestures for Peridot to sit beside him) Write an apology inside to Lapis so she knows how sorry you are about before, and that everything is okay now. If you write it from your heart, your feelings will reach her! (Awkward silence as Steven realizes the different context of his words.) Just, try to be sincere.

Peridot: (contemplating) Hm.

(At the silo...)

Lapis Lazuli: (letting out a relaxed sigh as she lies on the top of the Silo, eyes closed peacefully) Hmm...

Peridot: (from a distance) Hey Lazuli! HEY Lazuli! HEEY!

Lapis Lazuli: (widening her eyes in frustration as she turns to her side and puts her hands on her ears, trying to ignore Peridot's shouting) Uggh...

Peridot: Lazuli-i-i-i, HEY! (to Steven) Why isn't she responding?

Steven: I'm not sure. I thought she was up there.

Me: Maybe she doesn't feel like coming down.

Steven: (calling) Lapis... (Lapis, hearing him, mutters a 'huh?' softly, puts down her arms and looks down) are you up there?

Lapis: (swooping down from the Silo) Yes, Steven?

Steven: (urging Peridot) Go on! (Peridot hands Lapis the card)

Peridot: Steven did the outside, (proudly) and I did the inside!

Lapis: (Lapis opens the card with an unimpressed look, reading off Peridot's writing in the card) "Sorry I interrogated you. You were just full of such useful information. That's a sincere compliment. Peridot." (she does not comment further. She looks up at us with the same look, and we look back at her hopefully, Peridot grinning in expectation.)

(immediately cutting to all of us walking back into the barn, their efforts clearly rejected)

Peridot: (speaking into her recorder) The noses! One can only conclude that it was the lack of noses! It seems illogical to me that it wouldn't be any of the writing elements! It took me over an hour to compose it, and I was the most sincere as per Steven's instructions!

Steven: (suggesting) It could be she's not much of a reader?

Me: Or maybe you're not much of a sincere writer.

Peridot: Well now what?

Me: Hmm... Maybe the problem here is that she doesn't trust you.

Peridot: Well, how do I make her trust me?

Me: Leave that to me.

(Cut to Steven, Peridot, and Me at the top of the barn)

Peridot: What is the point of this?

Me: This is a trust exercise.

Peridot: "Trust exercise"?

Steven: They are exercises that builds people together. Create friendships.

Peridot: Still doesn't explain why were up here.

Me: Simple. You fall down the barn into the ground.

Peridot: What!? You want me to plummet to my doom!?

Me: Relax, P-Dot. As soon as Lapis sees you falling, she'll catch you and you'll know that she can trust you.

Peridot: (nervous) And you are sure she'll catch me.

Me: Positive.

Peridot: Really, because it sounds like Lapis shoud be falling not- (I push Peridot) MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Peridot falls to the ground, Lapis did not notice her)

Me: Wait. Were we suppose to make Lapis fall so Peridot shoud catch her, not the other way around?

Steven: Yeah.

Me: My bad, Peri! You alright? (Peridot groans)

(Cut to Marble putting a blindfold on Lapis)

Me: Okay, this exercise is called "Blind Walk". Lapis will walk through this simple obstacle course, and you will guide her to the end. Seems simple enough right?

Steven: Right!

Peridot: Right!

Lapis: Whatever. (Lapis starts walking to the course and towards a fake wall)

Peridot: Left! (Lapis turns left, she then walks into a trap) Right, no left! (After Lapis turned right, she was then catapulted into a trampoline, she bounced off of it and returned her to the trail) Uh.. Okay! Now uh...

Lapis: No! I'm not listening to you! I'm just going to get out of this stupid maze right... (Walks into another catipult, and then she was flung into a stack of hay) Ugh...

Steven: Lapis! You alright?

Peridot: [to me] Where do you get these ideas?!

Me: I watch a lot of TV.

(Later, in the barn...)

Me: I'm sorry, Peridot. I really thought that would work.

Peridot: It's quite alright. I didn't know what to think during that "Blind Walk". So, what now. (We all thought for a second, then Steven got and Idea)

Steven: I know! How about a gift?

Peridot: Another approach- Will it be painful?

Steven: Nope.

Peridot: Then it's perfect! ...but what?

Steven: Hmm, think of things she likes.

Peridot: Things she likes... (recalling) Lapis Lazulis are typically partial to water and flying. Hmm. (getting an idea, putting up her finger excitedly) Ah! (Steven gasps in anticipation, but Peridot immediately refutes the idea herself) No...

Steven: No?

Peridot: Nuh-uh.. (excitedly again) BUT IF!

Steven: Yeah?

Peridot: (scrunching her face up in disdainful thought as she refutes her idea again) Nah...

Steven: (agreeing) Yeah...That'd probably be overdoing it.

Me: Maybe we could...

Peridot: Yes?

Me: No no...

Steven, Peridot, and Me: (groaning in mild frustration) Ughh...

Steven: (looking out the barn thoughtfully as he remembers what Peridot just said about Lapis Lazulis' preferences) Hm, 'water'... (noticing the hole made by the Drill) I think you have something with that!

(Later, Steven and I were guiding Lapis by her hand steadily, her eyes covered by her water wings)

Steven: You can't see through those, right?

Lapis: Actually, yes. (assuring them) But it's very blurry.

Steven: Good to know. (gestures his hand to bring emphasis) Well, here we are! (Lapis unfolds her wings, her smile disappearing as she looks up; Peridot interrupts them)

Peridot: (proudly floating in a rubber water float in a pool where the hole had previously been, commentating Lapis' discovery) H-2-Oh my GOSH! (not knowing the earth-term 'pool') It's a smaller-than-average lake!

Me: "H2Oh my gosh"? How embarassing.

Steven: (explaining) It's from the hole we drilled! Peridot, Marble, and I sealed it and filled it with water. (Lapis looks at Steven, then back at the pool with a disappointed expression.)

Peridot: It's a gift for you! (gesturing) You know, 'cause water's your thing. [Chuckles] Pretty good, right? The barn's out here in the country, but now you can get your moisture fix whenever. (waving her fingers wildly) Do all that water stuff you do!

Lapis: (staring in disbelief) Water? (scornfully narrowing her eyes) Seriously?

Peridot: Yeah!

Lapis: You do realize that I spent the last few month trapped under the ocean, right?

Peridot: Sure! ...but I thought-

Lapis: (darkly describing the event) It was an endless, crushing darkness. Wet, and bleak, and suffocating. (the camera zooming in on her monotonous eyes) Water was the tomb I lived in for those months. (Peridot starts falling into the hole of the rubber floater, her pride shot down)

Peridot: "T-Tomb", you say?

Lapis: Yeah. I'm kinda taking a break from water right now. (disdainfully) But thanks... for the lake.

Steven: (realizing his own mistake) Uhh...

Peridot: (Peridot creates quiet sounds of despair) Ugh...

Lapis: Don't worry, Steven. It's not _your_ fault. Or _yours_ , Marble. (she makes deliberate emphasis on 'your', and turns to Peridot before spreading her water wings before flying away again, Steven and Peridot staring after her speechlessly)

(cutting to Me, Steven, and Peridot in the barn again, Peridot fuming into her recorder while Steven sits on the ground and watches her)

Peridot: A pool?! What a cloddy idea! Of course she wouldn't like that!

Me: Okay, so we forgot to count her traumatic experience with the "Malachite" incident. Minor setback.

Peridot: (despairingly) There's nothing, nothing, NOTHING!

Steven: (melodically refuting Peridot's sentence) There has to be something, something, something...

Me: But what, what, what?

Steven: (thoughtfully) Maybe, instead of something she likes... give her something you like! A piece of you! (Steven spreads his arms in excitement)

Peridot: Umm... okay. How about... (she shrugs) my Camp Pining Hearts DVD?

Steven: (judging) Which season?

Peridot: 5...?

Steven: (immediately shrugging and refuting the idea) Trash.

Peridot: (shrugging and agreeing) I know. (Peridot falls backwards onto the floor) Ughhhh. (growing in frustration) Log date - whatever, Facet - whatever! Ughh, WHATEVER! Clearly there's nothing important enough for me to give to Lazuli. (softening her tone and speaking to her recorder) At least I have you, tape recorder. (Peridot looks at her Tape Recorder in realization.)

(The scene immediately cuts to Peridot, Steven, and me outside again, Peridot presenting a small gift with both hands excitedly and Steven and I behind her, making a dramatic, emphasizing pose towards Peridot.)

Peridot: Ta-dah! (Lapis does not respond, but instead stares down angrily at Peridot as the latter inches closer and closer, trying to get a response; points to the gift) See, the ribbon is even blue. (winking and pointing at Lazuli as she says in a voice) I got yo number!

Me: "I got yo number"? Seriously?

Peridot: Uh, here, I'll unwrap it for you! (explaining the contents of the gift) When I was stuck here, Steven gave me this tape recorder as a gift and I didn't really get it at first, (Peridot easily rips the top half of the wrapping off, revealing her tape recorder bundled inside and takes it out) but it made me feel better. Just to talk about the weird stuff that was happening. It'll help you too! (Steven smiles at Peridot as she holds out the tape recorder to Lapis again hopefully. Lapis finally takes the tape recorder by its top side, still making no comment or further action. Peridot is nervously instructing how to use the recorder) You, umm, press the button to record, an- and then you talk into it! (Both Lapis and Steven smile expectantly at Lapis)

Lapis: (speaking into the recorder) I don't want, (angrily) your garbage. (She raises her hand holding the recorder, easily crushes it and drops it. Steven stares in horror and shock while Peridot stares at her wrecked recorder, flinching without blinking as it hits the ground and the tape inside it pops out.)

Me: Well, at least she didn't break the tape.

Peridot: NNGUH! What, were you trapped in a tape recorder too?! (Lapis looks at her, enraged by Peridot's comment. she rubs her gem on her fore head) Look, I get it, you know? You're confused! You can never go back to Homeworld. (gesturing the field around her) This place, doesn't exactly feel like home yet. You're alone, no one could possibly know what that feels like! (Lapis narrows her eyes and glares as Peridot sarcastic emphasizes 'possibly) Oh wait, (angrily) I do! We're the same, except!.. (ending her outburst) you don't have to be alone! (she regains her composure, and looks at Lapis, who is still glaring at her, unconvinced, looking away with the same expression.) So tell me then, (her expression turns desperate) what you want from me! And whatever that is, (sighing) I'll do it.

Lapis: (scowling angrily as she snarls) I want you, to leave!

Me: Great. All you have to do is leave and- WHA?!

Peridot: (she is visibly hurt by the comment, but regains her determined look) Okay. (She leaves, Steven and I turn to Lapis)

Steven: Lapis, why are you being so mean to her? (he looks up at her) She's really trying!

Lapis: (her expression softening, but still skeptical) Why do you trust her, Steven? (she unfolds her arms)

Steven: (spreading his arms in explanation) Because I know her! Lapis, you're not even giving her a chance! You should have at least gotten to know her before you decided you don't like her!

Me: (I walk up to Lapis) Listen, Lapis. I know things with you and Peridot were a little rough. But the past few weeks she has lived here with us, she has learned that the earth isn't a bad place. Say what you want about her, Lappy, but just give her a chance. The you'll see how much she change, then before you know it you'll change too. But I guess now it's too late to... (I see Peridot running back over the horizon) Oh, wait here she comes.

Peridot: They're here! AHHHH! (Peridot's screaming softens as she runs towards the barn.)

Me: Who's here? (A menacing, modern floating pod burst out of the clouds above and beams a yellow ray of light at Me, Lapis, and Steven) Nevermind... (Lapis, Steven, and I run inside the barn, Steven panting audibly.)

Steven: What is that thing!?

Peridot: It's a Roaming Eye, a Homeworld tracking vessel!

Me: Oh no... I know why there here.

Peridot: Yeah! I told you, I'm public enemy number 1!

Me: That, and they're probably here for me.

Steven: Why you?

Me: Well, let's just say I'm on Yellow Diamond's wishlist since SOMEONE told her about me. (I glanced at Peridot, she nevously chuckled)

(The pod hovers from above the barn and its beam passes in scattered rays through the plank ceiling. Peridot gasps in fear and covers her mouth quickly. All of them relax and sigh in relief as the Pod's light disappears and it audibly moves away, until the Pod resumes its beam from the partially-repaired broken wall of the shed, evoking them to flee again, Steven panting and Peridot screaming as they run out of the barn into the field.)

Peridot: No, uh, ah! (Peridot, overcome with fear, makes flustered and desperate noises as the pod stares them down. The pod suddenly gains more visuals, its iris constricting and four similar diamonds surrounding its perpendicular sides as it moves towards them. Peridot closes her eyes in resignation as she hugs Steven's arm) This is it, Steven! They're going to wipe my precious grin off the face of this planet!

Steven: (she guards her with the arm she was hugging) Stay behind me! We'll protect you!

Me: I'll shatter before I'll let Homeworld take me! (I summon my axe)

(Lapis moves forward silently and looks back at them. Peridot looks out from Steven's arm, blinking worriedly. Lapis turns back to the Roaming Eye, its light shading her red as she draws water up from the lake and shapes into a hand, flicking the pod and halting its descent upon them, before palming it into the ground dismissively. The pod forms several diamond patterns around it as she slams into the ground. She stares at the pod with a mildly triumph stance as the others stare in disbelief.)

Peridot: (muttering in disbelief) Holy smokes...

Me: I. Am speechless.

Pearl: (calling out from afar) Steven! (Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl run into the field beside them)

Amethyst: Holy smokes!

Me: That's what she said.

Pearl: (concerned for Steven's safety) Are you alright? We saw the ship and came as fast as we could.

Steven: Yeah, I'm okay. Lapis saved us... but, it looks like Homeworld really has it out for Peridot. (Peridot quietly starts moving away in a crouched position)

Lapis: Peridot... (Peridot's hair stands in shock as she turns around, anticipating further rebuff. Lapis turns around) ...are you okay? (Peridot beams happily.) Um... (she turns to hide her blush as Steven laughs gently, the other Gems staring curiously. Suddenly, the pod begins to emit sounds, smoke gushing out as its hatch opens, and a one-eyed Ruby soldier emerges, staring around towards us menacingly.)

[TO BE CONTINUED]


	46. Year 3 - Hit The Diamond

**Year 3 - Hit The Diamond**

On our last epic episode: Steven and I were helping Peridot make up with Lapis. We were unsuccessful until a Roaming Eye showed up coming for either me or Peridot. In the end, Lapis saved the day and got a little close to Peridot. But now, the Eye has landed near our precious barn and out came a different looking Ruby. This is the rest of the story...

Steven: Ruby? (Garnet picks him up and takes him away) Whoa-? (Ruby (Eyeball) lands on the ground, growls, and walks away.)

Ruby (Army): (Another Ruby, this one with a gem on her arm jumps out of the vessel and begins making fighting poses, then picks up a flower and kicks it) Hi-ya! (She then cartwheels to the left side of the screen as another, with a Gem on her stomach, pops out from the vessel.)

Ruby (Navy): (gasps with excitement) What a lovely planet! (Walks away happily.)

Ruby (Leggy): (Another Ruby sticks her head out of the vessel nervously) Wait! So we just... get up and walk around? Whoa-! (In the background, Ruby (Army) can be seen kicking a twig. Ruby, shown to have a gem on her leg, gets shoved out of the vessel by a Ruby with a gem on her chest.)

Ruby (Doc): Now, where's the Gem the scanners locked on to? (looks around) Let's fan out and search the area!

Steven: (Sticks head out from behind the barn door) Whoa, look at 'em all!

Peridot: (Plants hands on Steven's head) I knew it. They're after me! (Returning back inside the barn) This is the end of the line!

Lapis: You really weren't kidding.

Peridot: I disobeyed a direct order from Yellow Diamond, and I called her a clod... to her face!

Me: It was awesome! Though I'd wish she'd use a cooler insult on a Homeworld authority.

Pearl: She calls everyone a clod.

Peridot: Yes, but not everyone has command over all the armies of Homeworld waiting for the word to shatter me! (Scampers over to a box and quickly hides under it.)

Steven: Peridot! We won't let them get you. (Lifts box up, revealing Peridot curled up in a ball.)

Peridot: Haven't I caused you enough trouble...?

Garnet: Don't worry Peridot, it's our sworn duty to protect anything that calls this planet home, and that includes clods like you.

Peridot: That's my word...

Me: Alright, what's the game plan?

Garnet: (Turns to the others) Listen up, everyone. I have a plan. Or should I say... (Holds up hands) We have a plan? (Garnet, while giggling, unfuses into Ruby and Sapphire, both holding hands.)

Sapphire: Hello everyone.

Pearl and Amethyst: Ruby! Sapphire!

Me: Everyone's favorite gem couple!

Steven: HU-U-UGS! (runs up to Ruby and Sapphire and hugs them.)

Sapphire: Hello, Steven!

Amethyst: So, what's the plan? (Ruby chuckles)

Sapphire: (to Ruby) You got this. Just act casual. (kisses Ruby on the cheek)

Ruby: Yeah. (Bumps fist against palm) Casual.

Ruby (Doc): Focus, Rubies! This is an important mission from Yellow Diamond, so we can't mess it up.

Ruby: (Slides next to Ruby (Navy)) *Nervously* Ehehey! Uh... (Sweating) What are we all doing over here? (All the rubies look at her with suspicious facial expressions.)

Ruby (Leggy): (Raises hand) Yeah, what ARE we all doing here?

Ruby (Doc): We're here to retrieve the leader of the Earth mission! (raises eyebrow) Hey, wait a second. It seems like there are more of us... than usual!

Ruby (Navy): There's supposed to be five of us.

Ruby (Army): (Clenches fist) Five Rubies! (Ruby (Eyeball) and Ruby (Leggy) look at their hands. Ruby (Leggy) nods.)

Ruby (Doc): (Begins counting and pointing) One, two, three, four... five. Tch, never mind. (Ruby Sighs in relief.) The leader of the Earth mission must be around here somewhere.

Ruby: *Nervously* Well, she's definitely not in that barn! (shows a forced poker face)

Ruby (Doc): Whoa, I didn't see that before. Maybe we SHOULD look around in there.

Ruby: *Nervously* (Raises hands) Uh, I'll go! By myself! (Runs away groaning.)

Ruby (Navy): Ba-Byee~

[Back at the barn]

Ruby: They want to search the barn!

Steven: We heard.

Pearl: We saw.

Me: We scored! [I jump in with a foam finger in my hand]

Peridot: *Fearfully* I'm scared!

Amethyst: (Holds up a baseball bat) Let's ambush them!

Sapphire: No, no one needs to get hurt. Let's be sensible.

Ruby: What do I do? (Bites her fingers)

Me: Well, it was your idea!

Sapphire: Just go out there and tell them that this is a place where humans live.

Ruby: (Sighs) I don't wanna go alone...

Steven: Oh! I'll come. I'll be your backup.

Amethyst: (Hands him the baseball bat) And here's some backup for your backup.

[Back at the Ruby gathering]

Ruby: (Places Steven down) *Nervously/transparently* I checked the barn, and I just found a bunch of humans! Hah!

Steven: (Nods) *Transparently* Yup! Nothing in there but us humans!

Ruby (Doc): *Somewhat skeptical* Really?

Ruby: *Nervously* Looks like we failed...! Time to go back home! Hah...!

Ruby (Doc): I think we better double-check. You remember what happened last time.

Ruby: *Confused* Last time?

(The Rubies, except for Doc and Leggy, begin laughing.)

Ruby (Navy): Oh, Ruby, you're so forgetful!

Ruby (Doc): Alright, let's search the barn!

All the other Rubies: Yes, Ruby!

Ruby: Wait! *Nervously* You can't, beca-because... uh... (Glances at Steven.)

Steven: You have to... uh... play baseball! (The Rubies look at each other.) Yeah! It's a human thing. I-If you win, you can go inside, and if you lose, you... gotta leave forever.

Ruby (Doc): (Eyes narrowed) Base... ball.

[Back at the barn]

Me, Peridot, Amethyst, Pearl, and Sapphire: Baseball?!

Sapphire: I... saw that this was a possibility, though I am surprised this is the path we're taking.

Steven: (Blows a whistle) Alright. My human baseball knowledge will lead us to victory! Let's just go out there and pretend to be humans! Except Peridot. You stay here in the barn and hide.

Peridot: O... kay.

Steven: Everybody in? (Glances at Lapis) Lapis?

Lapis: (Chuckles) This plan sucks.

Me: That's the spirit!

(Steven, Pearl, Amethyst, Lapis, Sapphire, and I are lined up wearing baseball clothes against all of the Rubies, including the Crystal Gem Ruby.)

Steven: We're the humans!

 **STEVEN**

Steven: Steven!

 **EARL**

Pearl: Earl!

 **AMY**

Amethyst: Amy!

 **MARSHA**

Me: Marsha!

 **BOB**

Lapis Lazuli: Bob.

 **SOPHIE**

Sapphire: (Blushing) And Sophie. (Ruby is also blushing and sweating.)

Ruby (Doc): Understood. Our team is the Rubies! Consisting of...

 **RUBY**

Ruby (Doc): Ruby!

 **RUBY**

Ruby: Ruby!

 **RUBY**

Ruby (Navy): Ruby!

 **RUBY**

Ruby (Army): *quickly* Ruby!

 **RUBY**

Ruby (Eyeball): Ruby.

 **RUBY**

Ruby (Leggy): And Ruby!

Steven: Here's the rules of the game. We take turns throwing the ball at each other. The batter tries to hit the ball with the bat, and then they run around the bases. Whoever gets the most runs wins.

(Transition to when the game is starting. Ruby is the batter, Steven is the pitcher, Amethyst is the Umpire, Sapphire is 1st base, Lapis is 2nd base, and Pearl is 3rd base. Ruby puts on a cap, readies her bat, and winks at Steven. Steven winks back and throws the ball.)

Steven (Narrating the rules): You get three tries to hit the ball. (Ruby misses the ball on purpose) If you miss...

Amethyst: Strike one!

Ruby (Army): What?! (Steven tosses the ball again.)

Amethyst: Strike two! (Steven tosses the ball again, and Ruby misses again.) Strike three!

Steven (narrating the rules): Three strikes, and you're out!

Ruby: (Acting) Oh, darn! Guess I'm out. (Sapphire waves at her, and Ruby blushes. Ruby (Army) punches her in the back.)

Ruby (Army): You swung too slow! (Ruby (Army) picks up the bat) You do it like this... (Steven and Amethyst get ready. Steven throws the ball weakly and Ruby (Army) hits it so hard that it flies across the fields. Lapis looks up as it flies over her head, she then lifts up her baseball mitt in a delayed attempt to catch it. Ruby (Army) starts running until she reaches the home plate)

Steven: And that's called a "Homerun." (Ruby (Navy) bats) If the ball gets caught (Pearl catches the ball efficiently), you're out, and if you get tagged, you're out! (Steven catches the ball with his right hand and tags Ruby (Eyeball) and she gets angry) Ahhhh... (Steven quickly says) and AFTER three outs we switch sides.

Me: All right! It's the bottom of the first inning and the Rubies get an early lead, but will it last? (Amethyst is batting while chewing gum and Ruby (Doc) is pitching. Once her bubble pops, Amethyst hits the ball and it goes flying out of the field. She then spin dashes around the bases and slides into home plate in a pose.)

Pearl: (Enthusiastically) Nice!

Ruby (Navy): Wow, that purple human is really good.

Steven: Hahahaha, us humans, we're full of surprises... (Whispers while pushing Amethyst offscreen) Amethyst, be careful.

Me: Who's next? (Sapphire runs into the field as the batter)

Sapphire: Hey, Ruby. (Sapphire giggles as Ruby (Doc) pitches the ball and Sapphire misses it.)

Ruby (Army): Strike ONE!

Steven: Huh?

Ruby: Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

Sapphire: I don't know, I don't get off planet much. (both Sapphire and Ruby start laughing. We all look at Ruby and Sapphire as they pay more attention to each other than concentrating on the game.)

Ruby (Army): Strike TWO!

Steven: What's going on? What are they doing? (Lapis comes from the back.)

Lapis: (Monotone) Flirting.

Me: Of course...

Pearl: (Somewhat worried tone) Uh-oh...

Ruby (Army): Strike THREE!

Ruby and Sapphire: Uhhhh... (Sapphire and Ruby look at the Gems with embarrassment and Lapis gives a thumbs up.)

Me: (cracks knuckles) Alright. Deal me in. (I walk up to the field and take the bat away from Sapphire) Alright, One-Eye. Let a pro show you how it's done! (Ruby (Doc) pitches the ball, and I hit it hard; I run the bases until I meet up with Ruby (Doc) at home plate, I tug on one of her suspenders)

Ruby (Doc): Hey! (waves her hand at me, flustered, as I reach home plate)

Me: Safe!

Steven: Did you really have to do that?

Me: What? I gotta do what it takes to protect my skin!

Pearl: What about Peridot?

Me: Yeah, her too.

(Ruby (Eyeball) is the batter now and hits the ball so that Lapis just moves a little to the left and catches it. Ruby (Doc) is at third base yelling at Ruby who is more distracted by Sapphire and ceases to concentrate on the plan. Sapphire cheers as Ruby accidently hits the ball allowing Ruby (Doc) to score.)

Steven: (Whispers) What?

Ruby (Army): (Because of Ruby's hit, the Rubies gather around Ruby in excitement) YEAHH! (Ruby (Army) flexes on the field showing her happiness.)

(Montage of Pearl, Steven, Amethyst, and I as batters begin. During Lapis' at-bat, she holds her bat over the plate, letting the pitch bounce off it. She walks to first base as the Rubies rush toward the home plate and dive on top of the ball. Another point is shown where Sapphire is at the Rubies' bench chatting with Ruby; Steven drags her away. The Gems continue playing while Ruby and Sapphire continue flirting with each other.)

Peridot: (Steven runs to the Barn for another bat because the last one shattered by a Ruby unintentionally) Hey, how's it going? Are we winning?

Steven: Ummm...

Ruby: (to Sapphire) Now, what you want to do is lead with your hips. (Sapphire swings the bat) yeah, that's pretty good. Now let me show you again.

Steven: Well, haha... (Steven hesitates) We're doing just fine. Everything's going to be A-Okay. (Steven walks to the field nervously.)

Peridot: You're lying to me!

Steven: To make you feel better!

Peridot: Thank you!

(The scoreboard shows the Rubies have 7 as their score and the Humans have 6.)

Steven: (Steven is with the Gems and discusses the issue) Alright, it's the bottom of the ninth. We've got Lapis on second, but one more out and the game's over for us. We need to hit a home run. (The Gems see Sapphire at bat.) Wait! I call a timeout! Listen, you two (Steven comes in between Sapphire and Ruby), I know it's hard being separated, but we have to keep them out of the barn or they're gonna find Peridot. Remember?! Ruby, stop being cute, and Sapphire, keep your eye on the ball!

Ruby: Pun... intended?

Steven: What did I just say?

Sapphire; I understand that, but-

Me: You heard the boy! Now get out there and win this one... (whispers) for the Crystal Gems. (we watch as Ruby (Doc) throws the ball at Sapphire, who swings the bat but misses the hit.)

Ruby (Army): Strike one! (We all look worried as the Rubies stay confident.)

Ruby: Come on, I know you can do it. (Ruby raises Sapphire's hopes and determination.)

Sapphire: Hmmmm... (Sapphire fails to hit the ball again.)

Ruby (Army): Strike two!

Ruby: Just look at the ball.

Sapphire: I'm trying, but all I wanna look at is you.

Ruby: Don't worry, you can look at me when you're running for home. (Sapphire becomes happy and concentrates on the goal as she and Ruby (Doc) get ready.)

Sapphire: URRR, UGHHHH! (Sapphire swings the bat with determination; when the ball touches the bat, Sapphire stands her ground and freezes the bat, withstanding force from the ball and rebounding it to give a glorious home run, we celebrate as Sapphire runs across the field while Lapis walks casually.)

Steven: YEAH! (Ruby and Lapis high five, Ruby (Army) throws her glove in fury. Sapphire continues to run towards Ruby.)

Ruby: Come to ME! (Both laugh and Sapphire jumps towards Ruby. and they fuse by accident, to our dismay.)

Garnet: Hahaha... Ha... whoops...

Me: We're dead.

Ruby (Doc): They're Gems!

Ruby (Army): We've been tricked!

Ruby (Navy): What a turn of events! (Ruby (Eyeball) growls)

Ruby (Leggy): Huh? W-what? (Ruby (Leggy) seems confused about the current situation.)

Garnet: (Gets up and joins the Gems) Sorry, guys. Game is over.

Ruby (Doc): THAT'S IT! (All the Rubies join together) RUBIES...COMBINE! (The Rubies fuse to form a giant stronger version of a Ruby.)

Ruby (quintuple fusion): (Lets out a loud roar) RAAAAAAAH!

Me: Welp, might as well go down fightin'. (Before any of us had a chance to attack, Peridot ran straight towards us)

Peridot: Wait! Whoa, wait, stop, don't hurt them! (Peridot falls to her face and then falls again. She pants excessively as she runs in front of the Gems) Wait. Oh, please, please! It's me you're after right? I'm not gonna stand by and let my friends fight my battles!

Steven: Awww, Peri Loves us!

Ruby (quintuple fusion): Are you the Peridot assigned to the failed Earth mission?

Peridot: Not sure if "failed" would be the right word...

Ruby (quintuple fusion): Where is Jasper?

Peridot: You're looking for...Jasper?

Ruby (quintuple fusion): Correct.

Me: You mean to tell me, this whole time, you're just here to look for Jasper?

Ruby (quintuple fusion): Yes.

Peridot: WAIT, I'm the one who betrayed the mission- who called Yellow Diamond a clod- the new leader of the Crystal Gems?!

Pearl: What?

Ruby (quintuple fusion): Tell us where Jasper is, NOW!

Peridot: Jasper umm, we know where Jasper is.. (Pearl shakes her head.)

Ruby (quintuple fusion): WELL?!

Peridot: Aahhhh... (Steven intrudes with a hasty solution.)

Steven: Neptune! She's on the planet Neptune! (Everyone is briefly silent.)

Me: Steven, If you think that they're gonna belive that Jasper's in another planet you are-

Ruby (quintuple fusion): Well why didn't you say so? (Steven exhales in relief. The Rubies unfuse.)

Me: (surprised) Correct.

Ruby (Doc): We all here? 1, 2, 3, 4, aaaaaaand- HA! Five. (Ruby (Doc) points to herself). To the planet Neptune!

Ruby (Army): Let's move out soldiers!

Ruby (Navy): What a lovely sounding planet.

Ruby (Leggy): But we just got here. (Ruby (Doc) drags Ruby (Leggy) to the pod.)

Ruby (Doc): Let's go, Newbie.

Ruby (Eyeball): (In a strained voice) Thank you... (The Rubies go inside their pod, a small black cloud appears above it, and goes to Neptune at hyperspeed.)

Me: Bye now! Don't be a stranger! Tell Jasper I said hi!

Amethyst: Man, Rubies are dumb.

Garnet: (Star iris closes in on Garnet's face as she smiles) Not all of them.

[END]


	47. Year 3 - Steven Floats

**Year 3 - Steven Floats**

Man! What a week! We took down Malchite, I went on magical Lapis ride, and we played a deadly game of baseball. But after all that, we were relieved to return home knowing we're finally done with crazyness like that. Boy were we wrong...

(Sounds of the waves can be heard from all directions of the house.)

(We warp back to the temple, Steven looking ever so happy to return home from the barn.)

Steven: We're finally home! (Steven reaches out his hands in excitement) Oh hello house! (Steven runs to his bedroom as Garnet flicks a switch and turns the light on.)

Me: (I lay down on the couch) Ah, sweet couch. How I missed you.

Steven: Hello, bed! (Steven falls on his bed in excitement, then stands in front of the TV.) Hello, TV! We've got some catching up to do. (Steven comes to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator.) Hello, kitchen, hello, food- ohhhh! (Steven collapses.)

Amethyst: Uh oh, did that cake go bad?

Steven: That was a cake!?

While the rest of us were gettin' comfy back at the temple, Steven and I decided to go to his favorite snack stop. Try and guess where?

Steven: (Steven runs out, while I walk after him) Hello, Temple! Hello, Beach! Hello, town! And hello, my favorite place to get a snack, the Big Donut- is CLOSED!? (Steven runs towards the Big Donut as fast as he can)

Sadie: Oh hey, Steven.

Me: Sup, Sades?

Sadie: Hey Marble. Where have you been? You guys missed all the earthquakes.

Steven: (Panting) Marble and I were out in the field saving the world.

Me: You're welcome, by the way. And now we'd like a dessert fit for a returning hero. Three double glazed chocolates please. And whatever the kid's havin'.

Sadie: Sorry. We're closed for the day.

Steven: Are you closing up? I really wanted a donut. (Steven looks through the Big Donut's glass pane in hopes to find a donut.) There's gotta be at least one in here.

Sadie: Sorry, I already set the alarm for the night.

Steven: But Sadie! We've been gone so long, and all the food in our house went bad, and I'm just starving.

Sadie: Um, I think Fish Stew Pizza is still open.

Steven: (Steven hesitates.) I don't know if I'm hungry enough for a meal.

Me: I am. Later. (I walk off to Fish Stew Pizza)

Steven: But wait! What about your donuts?

Me: (offscreen) I'll have 'em for brekfast!

Steven was really determined to get a donut. So Sadie told him he could have the first one fresh tomorrow morning. By the time he got home, he was so excited to be back that... Well, that was for me and the others to find out.

Me: (I walk back to the temple with a slice of pizza in my hand) Mm. Good old Jenny. Great to see she's still hookin' me up. (I walk up to the balcony, I notice the clock on the table) Huh? What's this clock doing here?

Amethyst: (Comes out of the house) Hey, Marbs. You seen Steven?

Me: Dunno. Thought he was already in bed. (We walk out to the beach) Steven? You out here?

Amethyst: Yo, Steven, are you still up? Last chance for some cake. (We continue to look around until one of Steven's sandals fell down on us. We began to notice then another sandal fell down and hit me in the head)

Me: Ow! Okay! Who's the dead man who threw that?! (Amethyst and I look around until we notice Steven)

Amethyst: Oh, there's Steven! Just flying around. (Amethyst and I walk back to the Temple.)

[In front of the house's door]

Me: (Stops) Wait a minute! Did Steven always knew who to fly?

Amethyst: Yeah, I think I'd remember that. (We enter the house and come running back worried seconds later.) No no, I'm thinking of Lapis. Hey, Steven! How did you learn how to fly?

Steven: (Shouts) Amethyst! Marble! Go get help!

Me: What did he say?

Amethyst: I don't know. I need to hear him better.

Steven: (Sigh) They can't hear me. (Amethyst is flown really high to talk to Steven.)

Amethyst: Hey, Air Steve.

Steven: Amethyst, I need you to... (Amethyst falls back down to the ground.) Dang, too slow. Better ask quicker.

Amethyst: (Flew back up to Steven) What'd you say?

Steven: I could really use your assistance dealing with the sudden appearance- (Amethyst falls back down) Ah rats... (Amethyst returns and Steven continues) ...of a power previously unbeknownst to me which I can't control... (Amethyst falls) Umm... (It is revealed that I was throwing Amethyst up in the air, I catch her in my arms)

Amethyst: Throw me back up!

Me: Good news, Amethyst. I think I just gave birth to a bouncing baby hernia. (I throw Amethyst back to Steven)

Amethyst: Dude, summarize.

Steven: Go get Garnet!

[Cut to Garnet]

Garnet: Hmmm... (Garnet tries to figure out how to save Steven.)

Amethyst: Well, Garnet?

Garnet: Hmmmmmmm... (Pearl comes into frame with a panicked expression.)

Pearl: What are you all doing!? Steven is falling; he needs our help. I'll catch you, Steven! (Pearl starts running around the beach panicking more and holding her arms out, trying to find out where Steven will land.)

Me: I don't know, P. He's falling really slow-like.

Amethyst: Yeah, I think it's gonna be a while.

(Garnet jumps offscreen and audio plays implying she broke a window, triggered a car alarm, and knocked over trash cans. She returns with a phone)

Garnet: I've found a phone.

Amethyst: Whose is it?

Garnet: That's not important.

(Garnet starts calling Steven. Steven's phone vibrates, and "Kofi" shows on the screen.)

Steven: Hello?

Garnet: Ground control to Steven Universe. (Pearl suddenly yells over the phone.)

Pearl: Steven! Are you okay?

Steven: Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

Amethyst: See, he's got this.

Steven: Not exactly, I think this is some kind of new power.

Garnet: Rose could regulate the speed of her descent.

Amethyst: Yeah, and she could control how fast she fell.

Garnet: That's what I said.

Pearl: Steven, try falling a little faster.

Steven: I can't figure out how, and it's taking forever to reach the ground. Can you guys just keep me company until I land?

Me: It's the least we could do.

(We did our best to help Steven pass the night comfortably. Amethyst throws a soda at Steven, but the chips packet she throws hits a seagull instead.)

Amethyst: Oooh...

(At some point, Steven starts playing checkers with Garnet. Steven makes a move. Garnet discovers a chain and goes for it.)

Steven: Wha... (Sighs at the loss)

(Later, Steven floats ever so slowly as the sun rises.)

Steven: (Trying to guess what Pearl drew in the sand) Is it a broom? No, it's a spear! (Pearl gives a thumbs up from the ground.)

(Suddenly in the background, Steven's Cookie Cat alarm goes off.)

Amethyst: Hey, Steven, why is your alarm going off?

[Flashback]

Steven: Six fifty five A.M. That should give me enough time to get to the Big Donut right when it opens at 7.

Donut (Steven's imagination): (In Sadie's voice) Fresh...

(Back to reality)

Steven: Oh, nuts, my donuts! (Steven picks up his phone.) Guys, I need to get down right now!

Amethyst: What's the hurry, dude? You got no where to be.

Pearl: They're clearly very tired from being up all night, and he's eager to get some sleep.

Steven: (Through the phone's speaker) There's no time to explain, just help me down!

Amethyst: How're we supposed to do that?

Pearl: Maybe we can weigh him down? (Pearl puts a heavy jacket)

Steven: It's not enough, keep it coming! (Amethyst hands Steven a bowling ball.) More, more. (Garnet bring a boat from the sea and gives it to Steven. I give Steven a bunch of heavy weights, then a donut-filled dumpster, then Mayor Dewey's van)

Mayor Dewey's Van: May-or Dew-ey!

Steven: Nnnnn, I don't think this is working. (Steven struggles to hold everything while no velocity was gained)

(Pearl, Garnet, and I climb aboard the boat while Amethyst as Purple Puma tries to weigh it down.)

Steven: Nothing's working, is there anything else you could put on me?

Garnet: (Garnet pulls out the Cookie Cat alarm clock with 7:26 as the current time.) Just this alarm clock.

Steven: (Steven looks at the clock in disappointment.) It's past 7:00. (Sighs) Thanks for trying guys, but there's no point any more.

Amethyst: Sorry, Steven. (Amethyst falls towards the beach.)

Pearl: Sorry, Steven. (Pearl follows Amethyst down.)

Garnet: It wasn't meant to be. (Garnet jumps down with the alarm clock.)

Me: I'll save those donuts for ya. (I jump down)

Steven: Huh... (Steven drops everything including his phone, and the boat makes an impact on the beach) It was, too, meant to be. (Steven inhales in disappointment.) My first day back, and it's already ruined. (to himself) I wonder who will get our donuts instead of me.

[Steven begins imagining the scenario in the Big Donut]

Steven: Probably Peedee, he'll be up for his morning jog; Mr. Smiley will have the second donut; Lars will embezzle one; Ronaldo will buy one that he thinks is a mutant; Onion will buy one and take it for granted; can't forget Marble, she'll probably help herself to some; and then Mayor Dewey will order a dozen, and then a dozen dozen for the whole town, and then a dozen dozen dozen for all the starving children of the world! (Steven imagines small drawn out versions of kids above the Earth holding out their donuts.) But not for Steven. (Cuts back to the Beach City residents with a special donut on a pillow and Steven's name on a card) They'll say, "Where's Steven? We saved a donut for him." They won't see me, because I'm in the sky. And then they'll feed my donut to a dog. (Steven imagines Sadie feeding his donut to a dog) ...and then I'll die... (Steven's bones start falling from the sky.)

Sadie (Steven's imagination): (Picks up Steven's skull) Alas! Poor Steven, I knew him well.

Steven: (Steven's skull opens its mouth) No-o-o-o-o-o! (Suddenly, Steven wakes up from his daydream, noticing he's falling towards the ground at a faster speed.) Huh? I'm falling. (Steven tries to slow down.) Oh jeez, I'm falling. (Steven shouts for the Gems.) Guys! (Steven looks at the beach as he falls towards it.)

[Back on the beach, the Gems are discussing how to get Steven down.]

Amethyst: Yeah, but if he did have a jetpack, he could just put it on upside down.

[Back to Steven falling]

Steven: Uh, they still can't hear me. Oh, my phone! (Steven checks his pockets and realizes that he dropped it.) I dropped my phone! Why do my powers keep coming and going? I was just so happy to be home. Wait! That's it! Happiness, my floating power's tied to my emotions. (Facepalms) Ugh, right, just like all my stupid powers! (Steven starts falling even faster than before.) Okay, right, I can control this! I just have to think happy thoughts and no negative thoughts. So, what makes me happy? Donuts? (Steven imagines a donut, which disappears with a poof.) No, I'm not gonna get any. The beach? No, that's where I'm going to die. (Steven imagines himself falling into the sand and creating a Steven-shaped hole). Mom? (Steven imagines his mother.) Oh jeez, those emotions are complicated! Come on, come on brain, time is running out! I just need something that makes me happy, something I can depend on to cheer me up! (Steven looks at the Crystal Gems.) My guys... They spent all night just to keep me company. No matter how much I mess up, they'll be there to help me.

(The Gems still discuss about the situation. Garnet is smiling.)

Pearl: But if he can't control his power-

Garnet: It's all right.

Pearl: How is it all right!?

Garnet: By now, Steven has realized that his powers are tied to his emotions, just like I knew would happen. He's used the memories of happy and sad things to land safely behind us, ready to give us a hug. (Steven face plants in the sand behind Garnet)

Me: Or give the ground a hug.

Garnet: Close enough.

Steven: (Picks his head up, excited) Guys! (Steven runs to the Gems for a hug.)

Garnet: (Stops Steven) Wait! You have somewhere else to be.

Steven: What?

Garnet: There's no time, run to the Big Donut. Run! (Garnet points to the Big Donut.)

Steven: (Breaking into a run) Uh, okay!

Me: If you want those donuts you'll have to beat me first! (I run after him)

Pearl: I would've liked a hug. (Steven and I both race to the Big Donut)

Me: Looks like those donuts are as good as mine!

Steven: (gasps) No way. No way, (begins to run faster) no way, no way, no way! (Steven jumps to the Big Donut. Steven stumbles near the outside of the Big Donut as he and I finds Sadie just opening the shop.) You're just opening? I thought we were late!

Sadie: Late? We always open at 7:30 on Sundays.

Steven: Ugh, duh... (we enter)

Sadie: Well, you're just in time, here you go. (Sadie presents Steven a fresh donut with sprinkles.) My treat, a fresh baked frosted donut with sprinkles...

Steven: My favorite! (Steven jumps with joy and hits the ceiling so hard that it cracks.)

Sadie: (Cringing) Oh...

Me: Yeah I'll take those chocolate donuts to go.

Steven: (Stuck on the ceiling) Oh bother...

[END]


	48. Year 3 - Drop Beat Dad

**Year 3 - Drop Beat Dad**

[Ext. Outside of Vidalia's house]

(Sour Cream and I walk beside the garage saying bye to Vidalia.)

Sour Cream: Later, Mom! (We walk to a cart wagon filled with music producing gear.)

Sour Cream: Aw, yeah. This is gonna be sick. (places his laptop above the gray cart wagon.) Thanks again for helping me take all this stuff out, guys.

Me: No problem, pal. You are gonna rock that DJ show tonight.

Sour Cream: Thanks, Marble.

Steven: Yeah. And I've always wanted to be a roadie. Whether they're lifting the heaviest equipment, fighting off crazy fans, or just offering moral support. Roadies work behind the scenes to make all magic onstage possible.

Sour Cream: I only really needed the lifting, but I guess we'll see what happens tonight. (Steven hands Sour Cream the box.) Woah. (Almost dropping the box from its unexpected weight, Sour Cream places it inside the cart wagon.)

Me: Stronger than he looks, isn't he? (Yellowtail comes towards the garage carrying a briefcase filled with fishes, which water starts to leak out of. He drops the box when he notices Sour Cream with the wagon and talks to them in his own language.)

Yellowtail: Maa! Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma.

Sour Cream: No, I can't be back before 10:00. I'm doing a show tonight, Yellowtail.

Yellowtail: Ma-ma-ma! Ma-ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma!

Sour Cream: It is too a viable career! 80 percent of Germans make their living Deejay'ing! Why can't you just accept that I don't want to be a fishermen like you? (Sour Cream walks away frustrated.)

Steven: Uh, bye Yellowtail.

Yellowtail: Mr-mr-mr. (Steven and I run to Sour Cream and walk with them.)

Steven: You okay, Sour Cream?

Sour Cream: Yeah. I just can't deal with my stepdad on my case all the time. Why would I want to bring home fish when I can bring home sick beats? If he has to "Ma ma ma" so much about it, he doesn't have to come.

Me: I still can't get over the fact that you can understand that guy.

Sour Cream: (They stop in front of "It's a Wash".) Ugh. All that arguing messed up my stomach. I'm gonna go use the bathroom. (Sour Cream runs off, then Greg runs towards the road holding a sponge and hose.)

Greg: Wait! don't leave! waxing is free!

Me: Hello, Greg.

Greg: Oh. What's up, stu-ball?

Steven: Marble and I are just helping Sour Cream take his gear to the warehouse.

Greg: Oh, like a roadie, huh?

Steven: Yeah! W-what about you?

Greg: Ahh, Same-old, same-old. Not too busy.

Steven: Don't worry. I'm sure it'll pick up soon.

Greg: Thanks, kiddo. (A large Yellow-colored body and blue tinted windowed bus stops in front of the car wash.) Woah! Look at the size of that thing. (Greg walks towards the bus holding out his hose.) Steven, don't tell them about the free wax.

Me: Whoever's in there must have a rich fufilling life. (An old man wearing yellow shades, a brown jacket with a green shirt underneath, dark blue pants with a wallet poking out with a yellow chain, and yellow shoes with wings walks out of the bus) But I've been wrong before.

Greg: Marty?

Steven: You mean your rotten old manager? I'll protect you, Dad!

Greg: Eh, Don't worry. I got a hose.

Marty: So... (chuckles) this is where you work now, Star Child? A rundown old car wash? Guess the music biz wasn't as good to you as it's been to me.

Greg: Uh, hey, Marty. Long time, no see. This is my son, Steven.

Marty: Woah! Guess I'll call you Star Child Jr. (Marty notices me) Hold up! Is that you, Purple? Man, it's been ages!

Me: Cram it, Farty Marty.

Marty: Woah! Still feisty I see?

Steven: You know him, Marble?

Me: Marty here used to exploit my gem powers for a few bucks. It was fine untill he totally blew me off!

Marty: Past is past, babe. I'm here for him. (Points to Greg)

Greg: Well, uh, things are totally fine here in old Beach City, but, uh, if you need me to wash that huge bus of yours, it'd probably help me out. (Greg winks with a chuckle.)

Marty: Listen, Star Child. I can do you one better than a carwash. You and I have some unfinished business. (Marty proceeds to pull out an envelope from his jacket until Sour Cream steps in.)

Sour Cream: Eh, sorry, Mr. U. I totally clogged up your toi- (Sour Cream gets distracted by the bus.) WOAH! Dad?

Marty: Sour Cream?

Me: "Dad"?

Sour Cream: W-What are you doing here?

Marty: Uh... (chuckles.) S.C. Oof! Just look at you. When did you get so tall?

Sour Cream: Uh, like nine years ago?

Marty: Whoa! (Chuckles nervously, clears throat.) Sorry I've been gone so long, but you know how the music biz can be, r-i-i-ight?

Sour Cream: No. Can you tell me about it? (Marty's explanation goes into the background.)

Marty: Well, you see, the music industry is like a big bee hive or factory where...

Steven: Man... I can't believe they're related.

Greg: You don't see the resemblance? (Steven starts examining the similarities between Marty and Sour Cream.)

Marty: Also, in the Biz, they make it really hard to have any free time at all. You gotta work long hours...

Steven: Kind of?

Me: No I do not.

Marty: ...every day, and on weekends.

Steven: Hey, Sour Cream. Sorry to interrupt, but should I haul your equipment over to the warehouse while you catch up with your dad?

Marty: What's this about equipment? Hello! (Marty walks towards the cart wagon, but I stop him, while wearing dark glasses and holding a clipboard)

Me: Hold it! I don't see you on the list.

Marty: Come on, Purple! You can't be mad at me forever.

Me: Wanna bet?

Marty: Hmm. What do you got going on over here, my friend?

Sour Cream: Just getting ready to set up for this semi-annual deejay night rave thing I do in Beach City.

Marty: A rave, you say? Hmm... S.C., I have a great idea. I've decided to hang out in Beach City and, um... make up for lost time with you. And while we're... chillin', I'll promote your little engagement. (Marty takes out his contact business card.)

Sour Cream: What's this shiny card with your contact info on it?

Marty: Just a little something we pro music types call a laminated business card.

Sour Cream: That is so legit!

Marty: Man, you're so lucky your dad's in the biz. Throwing a cool semi-annual Deejay rave thing is a classic father-son bonding experience.

Sour Cream: More classic than fishing?

Marty: Just wait! We're gonna cram nine years of bonding into one spectacular event! (I walk over to Sour Cream)

Me: I wouldn't go with this guy, Cream. He's probably gonna slap a stupid promotion on your show.

Sour Cream: I don't know. He doesn't seem he'll do that to me. I mean, he is my dad.

Me: Fine. But don't come crying to me when your deejaying gets ruined by your dad's greed.

[Transition scene into the warehouse.]

Marty: This is it? It's so... puny. I mean, what is this? A concert for ants?

Steven: We can invite some ants.

Sour Cream: Aunts, uncles - music is for everybody.

Marty: Listen, buddy, you want to reach people, right?

Sour Cream: Yeah.

Marty: You want to hold them in your little hand, right?

Sour Cream: Uh, I guess so.

Marty: You want to squeeze them until their eyes pop out!

Sour Cream: Uh, you lost me a little.

Marty: What I'm saying is, if you want to bring people in, you can't play out in the sticks! You got to be where the people are!

[Transition scene to the beach]

Marty: Now this is more like it! We'll set up right here in the sand.

Steven: (Clears Throat) As Sour Cream's roadie, I have to voice my concern. You threw a show here on the beach for my dad, and judging from what he said, you didn't do a good job at all.

Marty: Okay. Can I real talk with you for a second? Real talk. I made a lot of mistakes before, when I was your dad's manager, and - real talk? - I was a jerk. but - real talk - I've learned a lot about myself and the music business since then. So I can tell you, with certainty, things aren't gonna be like last time. Real talk.

Me: That's a lie and you know it. Real talk.

Sour Cream: Wow, Yellowtail never real talks with me.

Marty: That's what it's like to work with a professional, kid. Now, hold on. I'm gonna work some magic. (Marty pulls out his phone and calls someone for equipment.) Marty here. Talk to me. Yeah, I know I called you...

[Transition scene to outside the city's highway.]

Marty: (Marty covers Sour Cream's eyes with his hand.) Okay. you ready? (Marty removes his hand.) Boom! (Marty shows a sheet covering the Beach City's water tank with a gigantic DJ SC poster.)

Sour Cream: Wow! Am I... glowing?

Marty: That's right. nothing less for my talented, soon-to-be-famous Deejay.

[Transition scene to the bus]

Marty: Check this out, broski.

Sour Cream: Wow! I've only seen gear this good on the internet. Is this for me?

Marty: It's for us, my main cool cat!

Sour Cream: Wow. I can totally rave to this.

Steven: (looks at some roadies) It looks like you're all set on roadies, huh? Guess I'll just carry myself home.

Marty: Hey, Star Child Jr., catch! (Steven catches an official roadie tag.) You're in the big leagues now, little roadie. (Steven happily puts the tag around his neck and runs to the bus to help. He picks up a gigantic box that seems incredibly heavy with ease.) Geez! What does Greg feed that kid?!

Me: Gets it from his mom.

Sour Cream: Uh...

Me: So, where dare I ask, do you have in mind for me?

Marty: Eh, just go on and help Greg's kid. (I growl at him and walk towards Steven) Hey, Let me rap with you about the set up I have envisioned, okay?

Sour Cream: Okay!

Marty: So, the stage is gonna be huge, and the speakers, even huger... (Marty's explanation fades into the background as Steven puts the heavy box down and stares into the sunset where he and I find Yellowtail sailing. He is seen holding his binoculars out, worrying about Sour Cream.)

[At the beach in the evening, the scene transitions to the same place where Greg held his concert in "We Need to Talk"]

Steven: (The people of Beach City lightly cheer for Steven while he checks the mic.) Don't mind me, folks! just a humble roadie doing a mic check. (Steven fiddles with the mic.) This mic looks great! (Steven walks off of the stage and towards Sour Cream.) Hey, Sour Cream, we're ready to go whenever you are.

Sour Cream: Okay, I guess I'll go out and get started. (Marty comes from behind Sour Cream.)

Marty: That's not how we do things in the music biz. Let a proper hype man set the stage for you.

Sour Cream: Woah. I've never been properly hyped before. Thanks, Dad! (Marty does a backward moon walk and does the fingerbang gesture. The crowd cheers as Marty walks up to the mic.)

Random bystander: It's some guy!

Marty: How's it go- Is this mic even on? (turns the mic on) How you feeling, Beach Ci-taay! (the crowd cheers) You know, I've always been someone with good tastes, so you got to believe me. This show is special to me. It's personal. (Steven happily elbow pads Sour Cream and I pat him on the back.) Because I want to introduce you to a fresh, raw experience, to a whole new flavor, To a brand new... Soda!

Sour Cream: What?

Marty: GUACOLA! (Suddenly, the text "Guacola" appears on an electric billboard, everything lights up with a green neon shade, and the other roadies uncover a giant Guacola Can Speaker. Everyone looks around confused, no clue about the current situation as air horns blare out in the background.)

Me: Yep. Saw this coming. Classic Marty.

Marty: That's right. Guacola! The World's first guacamole soda. Each can comes with the power of three whole avocados! (Marty takes out a Guacola Can) Now, come on, Beach City. Are you ready to guac? (Marty throws the can at Ronaldo, hitting him in the stomach, and Jenny who catches her Guacola Can. Steven takes out a Guacola Can and drinks a sip and suddenly spits it out.)

Steven: Ugh! This is terrible! (Steven looks at the Can's description as Marty over-confidently dances on stage) What the - From concentrate?

Me: Just look at this crowd! (The crowd is filled with disgust as Jenny's Guacola slides out of the can like slime.)

Buck: Aww, that's nasty.

Ronaldo: (Ronaldo groans and pours Guacola in a bowl of chips and eats it.) Ugh! It's not even good on chips! (Onion sips the Guacola, then looks around and continues drinking it. Steven runs toward Greg and Yellowtail.)

Steven: Dad!

Greg: Steven, is this gross-out drink part of Sour Cream's show?

Steven: No way, Dad! it's all Marty!

Me: Just say the word, Greg, and I'll throw him overboard!

Yellowtail: Mmr-mmr?! Ma ma ma ma ma! (Raises his fist and then slams it down into his open hand.) Ma ma maa! (Yellowtail breaks into a sprint towards his boat.)

Greg: Yellowtail, wait! Sour Cream needs you! (On the stage, Marty covers the microphone)

Marty: What are you waiting for? Start playing.

Sour Cream: Dad, you're ruining my show!

Marty: This isn't your show. How do you think we have this setup, this party bus, these roadies? I've gotta good deal with Guacola. You're lucky I'm letting you in on the ground floor.

Sour Cream: But I thought this was about making up for lost time, not some lame soda.

Marty: Look, kid, I need this Guacola deal, okay? Don't be selfish!

Sour Cream: Muh! Muh muh muh! Muh muh muh muh muh! Muh muh muh! (points his finger accusingly at Marty.) Muh-muh!

Me: (I run up to Marty) Yeah! What he said!

Marty: What did he say?

Me: Beats me.

Sour Cream: Muh... Ugh. I said I don't need you or Guacola to do what I wanna do! I never have! I can do this show on my own!

Marty: Fine. (He uncovers the microphone which causes small feedback as he walks offstage.) Hey, Universe, I only came here because I'm legally obligated to give you this. (Marty gives Greg an envelope.)

Greg: Huh?

Marty: Don't say I've never gave you nothin'. (Marty revs the ignition to the party bus. Greg inspects the envelope which is labelled "Starchild" as the party bus drives off.)

Sour Cream: Well, I guess that's it. So much for me and the music biz.

Steven: I'm sorry, Sour Cream.

Me: To be honest, I did warn ya about that weasel.

Sour Cream: Yeah.

Greg: What's that noise? (Yellowtail rides up at full speed in one of his boats with one of his arms up in the air trying to get their attention.)

Yellowtail: Ma ma-ma-ma-ma!

Sour Cream: Aw, man! It's my stepdad. He was just waiting for me to fail so he can get me and put me to work on his boat. (flails his arms up in defeat as he walks towards Yellowtail's boat just as it gets to land.) Fine. Take me to your big smelly boat so I can fish my life away! (Yellowtail carries a box off the boat, and it's full of Sour Cream's DJ equipment.)

Yellowtail: Ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma.

Sour Cream: It's... my old gear?

Yellowtail: Ma-ma ma-ma-ma-ma-ma ma!

Sour Cream: What? you want me to play?

Yellowtail: Ma-ma-ma, ma-ma-ma.

Me: Now there's a dad who cares about his son's dream.

Sour Cream: Gee... uh... thanks, Yellow Dad. (offers a handshake.)

Yellowtail: Ma-ma-ma! (hugs Sour Cream instead. Sour Cream laughs in response.)

Sour Cream: Good one, dad!

Sour Cream: Hey, Steven, since you're still my official roadie, help me set up.

Steven: Yeah!

(transition to Sour Cream's performance.)

Sour Cream: Let's kick it! (Slow motion scene with the glos sticks being thrown to the incoming crowd who rave to the beat. The crowd begins to dances, which includes Vidalia, Yellowtail, and Onion with the prior two raving with glows & the latter still drinking a can of guacola.)

Greg: You know, the music biz can be really tricky.

Steven: I'm sure Sour Cream will make it big on his own.

Me: Maybe he won't end up like a big hollywood jerk like his father.

Greg: (Greg nonchalantly begins to open the envelope.) Even if he doesn't make it big, Sour Cream'll be okay, as long as he's doing something that makes him happy. Eh, you know, it's not about the mone-Eeyeeeeeeeeee...

Steven: Dad? (Greg smiles and brings him and I in close, hugging us & showing us a check for $10,000,000.00. Steven gasps in response.) Ten million dollars?! You're rich!

Me: That's gonna be next episode! So don't miss it.

[END]


	49. Year 3 - Mr Greg

**Year 3 - Mr. Greg**

[The episode begins on a TV screen with an advertisement.]

(A steak is seen hitting a flame. Young Marty sings a remake of "Comet")

[Marty]

 _ **From the moment the meat hits the flame**_

 _ **My stomach is growling without any shame**_

(A tomato slice, two pickle slices, and lettuce fly across the screen. A burger, fries, and a can of soda are shown in the next scene.)

 _ **And I know in my gut it's been worth the five-ninety-five**_

(Marty takes a bite out of a burger and winks at the camera.)

 _ **Would you like a burger? From Pepe's Burgers**_

[Transition scene to Greg's Van outside the Crystal Temple with Greg, Pearl, me, and Steven, who watched the commercial and gasped in awe.]

Steven: Whoa! Your song is on TV!

Me: And listen how he tarnished it with burgers. Discriminating.

Greg: Yeah. Apparently, Marty sold my song as a burger jingle, and now I'm filthy stinking rich.

Steven: [Sigh] The sweet stench of success. (Pearl looks at the TV curiously.)

Pearl: What is this?

Greg: You know, when Rose came to my concert the night we met, I was playing this song.

Pearl: This is what did it? Burgers?

Greg: It wasn't about burgers back then. She probably would've liked this, though, right?

Pearl: [sighs] She would have loved it.

Me: I know I'd love it. (I walked closer to the TV, Pearl walks away, upset, as Greg groans)

Steven: So, what are you gonna do with all the money?

Greg: I don't know.

(He and Steven climb into the back of the van and Greg grabs his guitar and begins to play a song with Steven.)

Me: You're gonna sing aren't ya?

[Greg]

 _ **Bright, sunny day don't cost nothin'.**_

 _ **Light, summer breeze, don't cost nothin'.**_

 _ **What do I do, with all this money**_

 _ **when the only thing I want is you?**_

 _ **Pallin' around don't cost nothin'.**_

 _ **Singing a song don't cost nothin'.**_

 _ **How do I spend, all this money?**_

 _ **I'd rather just spend time with you.**_

[Steven]

 _ **You could buy a house... and a car.**_

[Greg]

 _ **I guess that I can,**_

 _ **but I've already got a van.**_

 _ **I could put you through college.**_

Steven: But I'm with the gems all the time.

[Greg]

 _ **I could buy you all the finest courses online.**_

[Me]

 _ **Maybe you can get a new wife...**_

Greg: Marble!

Me: What? Just suggesting.

[Steven]

 _ **What if we took a trip?**_

Greg: Hey, you think?

Steven: Yeah, I do!

[Steven]

 _ **We could take a vacation.**_

 _ **We could go somewhere new.**_

Greg: I got an idea!

[Greg]

 _ **I know a place that's always exciting!**_

 _ **The show and the sights and the lights that are blinding!**_

 _ **Empire City!**_

Me: Greg. Are you saying what I think you're saying?

[Greg]

 _ **I'm talkin' Empire City!**_

 _ **The streets and the sounds and the buildings towering!**_

 _ **Subways that run from Brooklyn to the Bowery!**_

 _ **Empire City!**_

Me: Yeah!

[Me]

 _ **I've always dreamed of being in Empire City**_

 _ **Imagine me as a star, won't that be pretty?**_

 _ **The lights, the crowd, and the good li-i-i-i-i-ife**_

[Me and Greg]

 _ **Let's go to Empire City!**_

(Greg and Steven sing together as I run into the house with them to get Pearl.)

[Greg amd (Steven)]

 _ **I know a place that's always exciting! (We don't need money!)**_

 _ **The shows and the sights and the lights so blinding! (But it could be funny!)**_

 _ **The streets and the sounds and the buildings towering! (So let's go today!)**_

 _ **Subways that run from Brooklyn to the Bowery! (Just point me the way to...)**_

[Steven, Greg and Me]

 _ **Empire city!**_

[Steven]

 _ **And let's bring Pearl.**_

Greg and Me: What?!

Pearl: ... I don't know. Past experiences have taught me that three is a crowd.

Greg: [whispering] Steven, me and Pearl haven't gotten along that well since uh - well, since I started dating your mother.

Me: (whispering) Plus, she'll bore us the entire trip!

Steven: Aw, come on! We're all a big family. It'll be great. Just you, me, Marble, Pearl, and don't forget mom. (Steven pulls up his shirt to reveal his gem. Greg and Pearl gasp in response.)

Greg: Ugh.

Pearl: Huh?

Me: O...kay.

[Transition to Empire City as an orchestra plays fanfare.]

(Greg, Steven, Pearl, and I enter a hotel called Le Hotel. Greg goes to the counter and rings the bell and give a card to the desk clerk. Steven then appears and puts a stack of bills on the counter.)

Me: And cue musical number in 3,2,1...

[Ricky]

 _ **Hey, shake a leg!**_

[Hotel Employees]

 _ **Hey, shake a leg!**_

[Ricky]

 _ **It's Mr. Greg!**_

[Hotel Employees]

 _ **It's Mr. Greg!**_

[Ricky]

 _ **And he's here to spend his dough all over the town.**_

[Hotel Employees]

 _ **He's got the bucks**_

[Greg]

 _ **I've got the bucks**_

[Hotel Employees]

 _ **It's all deluxe**_

[Greg]

 _ **It's all deluxe.**_

 _ **When you're dining out with me,**_

 _ **it's the finest steak and brie.**_

 _ **And if I break a table**_

 _ **It ain't no-**_

Greg: Whoa! (breaks the table) Just bill it to my bank.

Ricky: A hundred bucks? Gee, thanks!

(The hotel employees take Greg, Pearl, Steven, and me to the elevator and up to the penthouse. We change into tuxedos with top hats and play in the pool. Soon Pearl gets put into a tuxedo with a top hat.)

[Pearl]

 _ **I must admit...**_

[Steven, Greg, and I]

 _ **You must admit.**_

[Pearl]

 _ **It's a perfect fit!**_

[Steven, Greg, and I]

 _ **You look great in it!**_

[Pearl]

 _ **And those fountains I found wasteful**_

 _ **are actually quite tasteful.**_

 _ **This city's got it's charm,**_

 _ **unlike that termite ridden barn,**_

 _ **and any time with Steven**_

 _ **makes for a delightful evenin'!**_

[Greg]

 _ **You're having fun!**_

[Pearl]

 _ **More or less...**_

[Greg]

 _ **So dance with me! Just say-**_

Pearl: No! (The song stops with Pearl embarrassed about it.) I... I mean... mean, *sighs* maybe later... (Pearl walks away.)

Hotel Employee: Boo! You ruined the song!

Me: Okay fellas, take five.

Greg: (Hands over cash to one of the hotel employees) Thanks for singing with us. (Camera focuses on Pearl who's walking toward the window) Don't worry about it, kiddo. It's always been this way.

(Steven looks at Pearl sadly as the scene transitions into night time.)

That's when Pearl had another one of her "Rose Quartz" episodes. You see, Pearl was used to it being just her and Rose. But when she met Greg, things changed. And Pearl did not take this change very well...

(Pearl walks into the bedroom where Steven and Greg are sleeping on the same bed. Pearl looks at the bouquet of roses by the bedside and sighs. Music starts as Pearl smiles.)

[Pearl]

 _ **I was fine with the men**_

 _ **Who would come into her life now and again.**_

(Pearl puts on her top hat and picks up a rose.)

 _ **I was fine 'cause I knew**_

 _ **That they didn't really matter until you.**_

(Steven and I wake up, as Pearl walks out to the balcony.)

 _ **I was fine when you came**_

 _ **And we fought like it was all some silly game**_

(Pearl jumps mid-air and spins.)

 _ **Over her, who she'd choose.**_

 _ **After all those years, I never thought I'd lose.**_

(I enter the balcony quietly as Pearl lets her hat roll down her arm.)

 _ **It's over, isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it over?**_

 _ **It's over, isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it over?**_

 _ **You won, and she chose you, and she loved you, and she's gone.**_

 _ **It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on?**_

(Steven gets up as Pearl jumps onto the balcony wall, putting her top hat back on.)

 _ **War and glory, reinvention**_

(Pearl begins to sword-fight using the rose.)

 _ **Fusion, freedom, her attention,**_

(Pearl spins and stops, holding the rose out.)

 _ **Out in daylight, my potential,**_

(Pearl walks across the wall, then does a backflip)

 _ **Bold, precise, experimental,**_

(Pearl spins and does the splits, then lays on the wall while looking at the sky.)

 _ **Who am I now in this world without her?**_

(The clouds form into silhouettes of Rose, Pearl, and Greg.)

 _ **Petty and dull with the nerve to doubt her?**_

(The Rose cloud, which was formerly holding the cloud Pearl's hands, turns to hold the cloud Greg's hands.)

 _ **What does it matter? It's already done!**_

 _ **Now I've got to be there for her son.**_

(Steven jumps off the bed as Pearl jumps off the wall)

 _ **It's over, isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it over?**_

(Pearl puts her hands on the balcony wall.)

 _ **It's over, isn't it? Isn't it? Isn't it over?**_ (Pearl holds up the rose.)

 _ **You won, and she chose you, and she loved you, and she's gone!**_

(Pearl throws the rose she was holding high into the air, and the wind carries it off the balcony. A single tear falls from Pearl's eye.)

 _ **It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on?**_

 _ **It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on?**_

(A shooting star flies through the sky as the music fades out. I walk toward her.)

Me: Pearl.

Pearl: (still has tears in her eyes) Marble...

Me: (sighs) Look. I know you are not so... happy with Rose's choice. But, That's all in the past. And sometimes we have trouble letting go of the past, but that didn't stop you from protecting the earth long after she was gone. (I put her hand on Pearl's shoulder, she gives a weak smile) Now come on, let's get back to bed. (We walk back into the room and we see that Steven is sitting by the bed while Greg is sitting on the bed with his back facing to Pearl.)

Pearl: Greg! You were... awake? (Greg puts on a white robe and walks away.)

Greg: Nothing's gonna fix this, is it?

Pearl: Greg! (Greg exits the bedroom.)

Greg: I'm sorry you had to be around me.

Steven: Dad!

Me: Oh boy...

Pearl: I shouldn't have come along.

Steven: (to Pearl) No. This is exactly why I brought you.

Me: Wait. I thought we came here to experience the good life and blow all of your dad's money.

Steven: Well that too. Except for the whole "blowing dad's money" part.

(Greg is shown eating cherries out of a cup in the hotel lobby.)

Greg: [Groans] Cherry man. (Greg eats a cherry and throws the stem into the cup)

(Steven clears his throat from behind Greg and is shown holding hands with Pearl. Pearl is smiling awkwardly. I stood next to them smiling as well. Greg gets up from the stool. He and Pearl look away from each other. A le hotel worker begins to play Ragtime music, and Steven walks up to the musician and offers them a handful of cash which causes the musician to walk away gleefully.)

Le Hotel Worker: Ooh! Roo-doo-doo-doo, roo-doo-doo-doo! (Steven cracks his fingers and begins to play the piano.)

[Steven]

 _ **Why don't you talk to each other?**_

 _ **Why don't you talk to each other?**_

 _ **Just give it a try.**_

(Pearl and Greg approach Steven and look at each other.)

 _ **Why don't you talk about what happened?**_

 _ **I know you're trying to avoid it but I don't know why.**_

 _ **You might not believe it.**_

(A spotlight shines on Steven.)

 _ **You might not believe it but you got a lot in common**_

(Greg and Pearl slide closer to one another as the former turns orange, and the latter turns blue. I turn orange since I'm with Pearl)

 _ **You really do.**_

(Pearl and Greg sigh as the background turns pink.)

 _ **You both love me and I love both of you**_

(Greg, Steven, and Pearl begin to cry. Steven's tear falls onto the F-natural piano key, growing into a rose. The rose transitions into a purple background. The rose flies away, and the camera pans down, revealing Greg and Pearl speaking to one another while lying down, as I watch)

Greg: Look, if I were you I'd hate me too.

Pearl: I don't hate you.

Greg: But I knew how you felt about Rose and I stayed anyway.

Pearl: That wasn't the problem.

Greg: Then what was? (A single rose petal falls into the water, causing ripples.)

Pearl: She fell in love with you. (Greg and Pearl sit up, looking at each other.)

Greg: Well, you know Rose.

Greg and Pearl: *laughing* She always did what she wanted. (Tear beads form in their eyes.)

[Me]

 _ **You both like her, you can't deny**_

 _ **You both have each other to rely**_

(Pearl stands up and offers a hand to Greg. Greg takes the offered help, and they begin to dance)

 _ **I know you both need it,**_

 _ **Someone who knows what you're going through.**_

Me: Come on, Steven! You know the words!

[Steven and Me]

 _ **You might not believe it.**_

 _ **You might not believe it**_

 _ **but you got a lot in common,**_

 _ **you really do.**_

Me: Bring it on home!

[Steven]

 _ **You both love me and I love both of you.**_

 _ **You both love me and I love both of you.**_

(The lighting goes back to normal, and the Le hotel staff pop out from behind tables, cheering. Greg and Pearl start laughing. The receptionist runs over to Greg with a covered platter in hand. He uncovers it, revealing a bill.)

Receptionist: Le bill. (Greg takes the bill and looks concerned.)

Greg: Ugh!

Me: Well that really ruined the moment didn't it.

[Greg]

 _ **Tailor-made suits. Those cost somethin'.**_

 _ **Room with a view.**_

(The bill unfolds, its tail reaching the ground)

 _ **Those cost somethin'**_

[Pearl]

 _ **Dancing with you...**_

[Greg]

 _ **Don't cost nothin'.**_

Pearl: Why'd we even come? We could've done this at home.

Me: Now what kind of episode would that be, huh? (Pearl looks at the camera awkwardly. Steven begins to laugh and we go outside and begin to load up the van)

[Pearl]

 _ **Singin' a song don't cost nothin'.**_

 _ **Or was it palling around don't cost nothin'.**_

(Steven shakes his head)

 _ **Getting it wrong!**_

[Greg]

 _ **Don't cost nothin'.**_

Pearl: (shrugging and laughing) I tried.

Greg: I'm surprised you remember any of it.

Pearl: What can I say? It's catchy.

Me: Isn't it? (Steven is shown slouching in the back seat with eyes closed)

[Steven]

 _ **It's over, isn't it? It's over, Isn't it?**_

(Steven opens his eyes. Pearl and Greg are shown talking in the front seats)

 _ **It's over, isn't it?**_

(A sign saying "Now leaving Empire State" is shown as the van drives away. A sign saying "Welcome to Jersey" is shown on the other side of the road.)

[End]


	50. Year 3 - Too Short to Ride

**Year 3 - Too Short to Ride**

[The episode begins with Me walking down the beach with Amethyst]

Me: And you won't believe the bill we got!

Amethyst: Man! I still can't believe Greg's rich now.

Me: Yeah, but the weird thing is he's not spendin' them all. You know what I'd do if some guy gave me ten thousand dollars?

Amethyst: What?

Me: I'd buy a huge mansion, a helicopter, and my own pet tiger.

Amethyst: Cool.

Me: Yeah. (We approach the temple, we enter inside) Steven! P-dot! Que pasa?

Amethyst: You guys look like you're having fun.

Peridot: Oh, Marble, Amethyst. (Shows her innovation: A tablet attached to her arm) What do you think?

Amethyst: You look like a square.

Peridot: It's a rectangle.

Me: That's an upgrade.

Amethyst: Heh, nice. Anyway, you guys ready to go or what?

Steven: Yeah. Marble, Amethyst and I were gonna go hang out, and we wanted you to come, too.

Peridot: Hang out? Oh, yeah. That's a friend thing to do. So, where are we hanging out, friends?

Amethyst: You'll see.

[Transition scene to "Beach City Funland".]

Steven: Ta-da! Welcome to Funland!

Peridot: You brought us to a sign!

Amethyst: Nah, nah. You got to go inside.

(Steven, Amethyst, Peridot and I watch a roller coaster ride by with people screaming.)

Peridot: [Chuckles] A speed pattern transportation circuit.

Steven: And a roller coaster.

Amethyst: You've got to do the most fun thing in Funland first.

Peridot: Hmm. Bold. Let's follow this logic! (We all run to the Appalachian ride as a bell dings in the background.)

Steven: Four, please.

Mr. Smiley: Sure. We got some new rules, first. We all get our heights measured to see if we are eligible to ride the Appalachian.)

Me: I'm tall enough to ride. Naturally.

Steven: (he's not tall enough) Uh...

Amethyst: (she's not tall enough) Uck.

(Peridot stands by it and smiles widely. Mr. Smiley questions Peridot's real height from her hair, so he pushes it down to see her real height, which aggravated Peridot, who grunts from his touch and growls in response flailing their arms)

Mr. Smiley: Ha-ha! Sorry, guys. Looks like the majority of this squad has some growing to do before they can ride.

Peridot: I do not have to grow. This height is indicative of my rarity and importance. I demand entry, you clod!

Mr. Smiley: [Clears throat] You kids want another lifetime ban?

Steven: No thanks, Mr. Smiley. (drags Peridot away)

Me: Sorry, Smiles. Can't ride without my crew.

Amethyst: Shorty Squad out. (We all leave the area with the Appalachian.) Well, that stinks.

Steven: [Sigh] We'll just have to maintain a healthy lifestyle in hopes we grow before the end of the season.

Me: Pfft! Who's got time for that?

Amethyst: (slaps forehead) Ugh. Of course. Let's just grow. (Amethyst grows via shape-shifting.)

Steven: [Gasps] Shape-shifting! (Steven shape-shifts his legs to grow longer. Peridot attempts transformation.)

Peridot: Hmm. [Grunting and sweating]

Steven: Uh, Peridot?

Peridot: [Stops grunting and breathes heavily.] Uh, I... I must be a little rusty. Why don't the three of you just go?

Steven: Aw, what?

Peridot: What?

Amethyst: You sure?

Peridot: Sure I'm sure. I can just look up what a roller coaster feels like. Just hurry up and go so you can hurry up and come back.

(Steven, Amethyst, and I pass the measurement test and are eligible to ride the Appalachian. We had a lot of fun as Peridot watched

Amethyst: S-s-s-s-s-s-so good!

Me: (Dizzy) Hah! I could go another round on that bad boy!

Steven: What next? What next?

Peridot: Yes. What next that doesn't have a height restriction?

Amethyst: Uh, there! (We arrive at the House of Mirrors. Amethyst is messing around with the mirrors already.) Ooh. [Giggles] (Steven and Amethyst and I laugh at our own reflections from shape-shifting. Peridot is the exception.) Wow, Marble. Did you lose weight? (I shape-shifted myself to look skinny and squggly)

Me: (laughs) Oh, you tease! (Soon, we exit the House of Mirrors for another area to travel to.)

Amethyst: Ha, this place is fun.

Steven: Yeah. It totally does live up to its name. (Peridot googles "am I having fun?" which pops up the definition widget for "fun." Peridot sighs at this)

Amethyst: Let's see who can eat the most chili dogs before we go on the Tilt-a-Whirl.

Me: I'm there! (Peridot stops at "RING SOME LOSE SOME" attentive to one of the alien figures one can win.)

Peridot: [Gasps] Steven, Marble, Amethyst! Look at this being. Its large head, swollen with thoughts! Those compassionate eyes, it understands. I need it. Now!

Steven: Peridot, that's a prize. You have to win it first.

Me: Careful, Peri. These guys are known to rig games like these. (Peridot Googles "rig")

Peridot: They're making a boat?

Me: (giggles) I like her. She's silly. (Steven rings the bell which calls Mr. Smiley to the stand.)

Mr. Smiley: (Runs to the stand, breathes heavily, and grunts when climbing the table into the stand.] Hey there, Steven.

Steven: Mr. Smiley, you're working the ring toss, too?

Mr. Smiley: Yeah. You can say we're a little "fun-derstaffed."

Steven: [Chuckles] I get it.

Mr. Smiley: I'm glad you're seeing the humor in it, Steven, because I haven't seen a bed in six days!

Steven: Oh. (Chuckles nervously. Peridot grabs a ring and throws it at the bottles, but misses and hits something else.)

Peridot: I win!

Steven: Um, well...

Amethyst: You have to land the rings first, broski. Shorty Squad throw! (We all throw rings at the bottles to get one to score, to no avail, and to Mr. Smiley's growing boredom.) Okay, last chance. We got this. (We all throw each ring in unison, which all miss to Mr. Smiley's pleasure from the trio's displeasure. We groan)

Amethyst: This biz is rigged!

Me: Told ya.

Peridot: I didn't save Earth for this.

Steven: Sorry, Peridot.

Amethyst: Hmm. No. We're gonna get you that prize.

Amethyst: (looks behind her) Oh. Hey, Mr. Smiley. Is that Onion trying to light the roller coaster on fire?

Mr. Smiley: I'm not falling for that one again. Oh! (Screams are heard in the distance which grabs Mr. Smiley's attention. The camera zooms to Onion who is holding two cotton candy cones on fire next to the Appalachian.) No! I'm still paying off the last lawsuit!

Amethyst: Heh, good old Onion. (Amethyst extends her arm to drop the ring on the bottlenecks successfully.)

Mr. Smiley: All this running around. I'm not even in a union.

Me: Oh, Mr. S. While you were gone, Peri got a ring.

Peridot: I did?

Amethyst: (whispers) We're lying.

Peridot: [Sweating.] Oh, uh, yes, I did land the ring. I also do not steal Steven's clothes when he's not looking.

Steven: What?

Me: I'm gonna pretend that's a not a lie.

Mr. Smiley: Huh. Would you look at that? And I thought this thing was rigged. Here you go, kid. (Peridot opens her arms for a big alien figure, but Harold gives her an alien figure the size of her index finger.) It's a little sister. [Laughs]

Peridot: Um, excuse me, but you're wrong. I'm supposed to win that one.

Mr. Smiley: You mean the big guy? Sorry. That one's 10 rings. (Peridot is upset from this explanation.)

(Peridot is upset from this explanation. She continues to wear it, however, as it is seen worn when Peridot tries to click away from a "find roommates" ad on her tablet. Amethyst is eating a triple corndog stick combo in the meantime.)

Advertisement on the Tablet: Find cute roommates in your area.

Peridot: I'm all set, thanks.

Steven: That toy you won is really cool, Peridot.

Peridot: You mean that Amethyst won with shape-shifting? Maybe they should call it shape-shift land because it's a land where you go to shape-shift.

Amethyst: What's wrong with shape-shifting, bro?

Peridot: You mean besides being an insult to your intended form?

Me: Here we go again, with your Homeworld mannerisms.

Amethyst: ...Okay, what's really wrong with it?

Peridot: I can't do it... at all.

Steven: Well, we can help you try.

Peridot: What?

Steven: I didn't ever think I could use my powers, either, but then the Gems helped me out. We can help you, too.

Amethyst: Yeah, man. [Munches the rest of the corndogs.] Mmm! We'll give you the shape-shifting lowdown. (Amethyst gives Peridot a noogie.) Shorty Squad style.

[Transition scene to the beach.]

(Steven, Amethyst, and I perform various shape-shifting preparations before undergoing transformation.)

Me: Now, If i can remember correctly: Gems can change parts of their bodies. How about we try something simple like... your tongue. (I extend my tongue, Steven does the same, Amethyst extends her tongue longer than both Steven's and mine) Now you try. (Peridot tries to extend her tounge too, but failed) Hm. Okay, let's try something else. [snaps fingers] I know! How about animals? (Amethyst turns into a cat, I turn into a poodle, and Steven makes a cat finger which quickly startles him. Peridot uses her tablet to send "cheeps," chuckling in the process.) Maybe, you're more into inanimate objects. (Amethyst turns into a ball and Steven extends his arms to catch Amethyst. Steven throws Amethyst onto the ground to make her bounce at Peridot. Peridot fails to catch Amethyst and gets a direct hit in the face which leaves her laying on the ground face first.) You okay?

Peridot: Yes... I'm fine.

Amethyst: Uh, okay. Maybe we just have to activate it manually. You grab her feet. I'll grab the arms.

Steven: Okay. (Steven grabbed Peridot's legs as Amethyst and I grab Peridot's arms)

Amethyst: Ready? Pull. (We all grunt in unison. Peridot is in pain from the pulling.)

Peridot: Ow. Ow.

Steven: Is it working?

Peridot: Ow.

Amethyst: I think so.

Peridot: Ow.

Amethyst: Pull harder! (we pull harder)

Peridot: Ow. Ow.

Me: Come on! Put your backs into it!

Peridot: Owwwwwwwwwww!

Amethyst: Ready? Pull. (We all grunt in unison. Peridot is in pain from the pulling.)

Peridot: Ow. Ow.

Steven: Is it working?

Peridot: Ow.

Amethyst: I think so.

Peridot: Ow.

Amethyst: Pull harder! (we pull harder)

Peridot: Ow. Ow.

Me: Hmm. Perhaps shapeshifting not your strong suits. Let's try something else..

[Cut to me bringing four practice dummies]

Me: Gems can summon their weapons to defend themselves against any danger. (Amethyst summons her whip and ropes in her dummy, I summon my axe and chop mine in half, and Steven summons his shield and throws it at his dummy) Now, you. (brief silence) What's wrong?

Peridot: How am I expected to use my weapon when my limb enhancers are FLOATING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN!?

Me: Oh, yeah. Forgot about that... Well, I'm out of ideas. (Peridot walks to the shore of the beach.)

Peridot: My lack of skill is an objective fact. I'm an Era-2 Peridot. I am new. Resources are dwindling on Homeworld. They can't make Gems like they used to. That's why they give Era-2 Peridots technological enhancements because we... don't have powers.

Amethyst: Per, I'mma be really real with you for a sec. This whole time we've been here, you've just been focusing on what you can't do. Of course you're not having any fun. You think that all you are is who you could be, but we don't hang out with you because of who you could be. We like you.

Me: yeah. Besides, so what if you can't shapeshift. You've done plenty of impressive stuff; we built the drill and stopped the Cluster; heck, you managed to avoid us for who know how long. And not to mention the way you stood up to your diamond! (Peridot ignores Amethyst and me and continues using her tablet.)

Amethyst: I know you just heard us. (Peridot continues the act. Showing frustration, she types fourteen "CLODS" to cheep.) Stop playing with that thing. Ugh. Gimme that! (grabs it from Peridot but she holds on)

Peridot: No!

Me: Keep away from Peridot! (Amethyst throws tha tablet to me and I throw it back to her, and made sure Peridot could not catch it)

Peridot: Give that back!

Amethyst: No! You don't need it!

Peridot: You don't know that! (Peridot grabs the tablet)

Amethyst: Yes... I... Do! (Amethyst pries it from Peridot's grasp)

Peridot: Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wai-w-w-w-wait! (Amethyst throws the tablet to the ocean.) NO! IT'S ALL THAT I AM! (Peridot reaches out and pauses for a second, then notices she is conducting the tablet in mid-air.)

Me: Whoa... Did you just do that with your mind?

Steven: Peridot. Metal powers!

Amethyst: ... Dude. (Peridot giggles and gestures the tablet to come back to her as Steven talks about the possible scenarios for Peridot's "metal powers.")

Steven: Do you know what this means? You can open really tight jars. You can remove staples without a staple remover. You can open doors without having to touch them after you wash your hands.

Peridot: No! I know exactly what I can do.

[Transition scene to the "RING SOME LOSE SOME" game in Funland.]

(Peridot uses her "metal powers" while Harold is sleeping to levitate and drop the ten rings onto the bottlenecks and win the "big alien.")

Peridot: 10! That's 10!

Mr. Smiley: Wah! That's 10, alright! Well, I guess you won fair and square, or fair and triangle. [Laughs] Because your head looks like a triangle.

Me: Get some sleep, man.

Mr. Smiley: Here you go, kid. (Peridot and the big alien slide to each other. Peridot, with open arms, hugs the rewarded toy for a job well done.)

Steven: Hehe, You did it, Peridot.

Me: Now you got a little friend!

Amethyst: Give it up for Pea-Pod! (four blackout stars zoom in on us)

Peridot: No, give it up for the Shorty Squad. [iris out]

[END]


	51. Year 3 - Resturant Wars

**Year 3 - Resturant Wars**

[Episode begins at Beach Citywalk Fries]

(Steven and I walk up to the counter where Peedee is)

Steven: Give us the... (Steven puts his fists down on the counter and pauses)

Peedee: Just hurry up and say it Steven.

Steven: Actually, what else you got? (Steven points his fingers at Peedee)

Peedee: You could order actual fries.

Me: Well, I want actual fries. Don't know about the boy.

Peedee: Okay. What about you, Steven? You want fries, not just the bits?

Steven: Nah, let's really try and shake things up today. (Steven throws his arms in the air) I want to order... (Steven puts his fingers in quotations) "off-menu".

Peedee: *sigh* You always order off-menu, Steven. Let me see what I can find. Be back in a sec.

Steven: I really appreciate it! (Peedee goes into the back of the shop)

[Time skip to moments later]

Peedee: Okay, one order of fries and... and for Steven... Check this out! (Peedee puts a tray mozzarella sticks on the counter) Boom!

Steven: Mozzarella sticks! (Steven picks up the tray) With all the fixin's?!

Peedee: I can't believe it either! They were way back in the freezer for some reason. Feels good to fry something else for a change.

Steven: Thanks, Peedee. Hey Marble, want a- [I take the whole tray] Bite?

Me: [I munch on one of the sticks] Mm! Delicious! They're like fries but filled with cheese! [Steven takes a stick from the tray and eats it]

(We walk down the boardwalk, taking bites out of the mozzarella sticks, and we passed through Fish Stew Pizza, where Kofi Pizza watches through the door. Kofi runs out of the pizzeria towards Steven.)

Kofi: Steven! What is this?!

Steven: (Steven's mouth full of food) Mmmm...

Me: Oh, hello, Kofi.

Kofi: Bread, cheese, marinara sauce? The basic elements of a pizza! Where did it come from?

Me: Well, first off, you use tomato sauce for pizza, not marinara sauce. And second, Fryman hooked us up.

Steven: (points to Beach Citywalk Fries) Mmmm.

Kofi: Fryman, infringing on my business? I have been ready for this day. (Kofi walks back into Fish Stew Pizza and puts up a new sign that says "Now serving fries".)

Steven: Now serving... fries?! (Drums play in the background)

Mr. Fryman: So, it begins anew, eh, Kofi?

Kofi: Just like old times, Fryman.

Mr Fryman: Kofi!

Kofi: Fryman!

Kofi and Mr. Fryman: Res-tau-rant wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-r! (Steven and I watch the two, confused.)

Me: Well, this is another fine mess you got us into, Universe.

 **Restaurant War: First Strike**

Hours later, the Resturant War raged on throughout the boardwalk. Many stores were trashed, pizza and fries everywhere. Steven and I walked through the carnage and saw how much damage this war caused.

(Steven and I spot a pizza mascot outside Beach Citywalk Fries)

Steven: Peedee? (Peedee turns to Steven and then looks away.)

Peedee: Don't look at me, Steven.

Steven: But... (puts his hand on the mascot's shoulder which causes Peedee to scream.)

Peedee: I said don't look at me!

Steven: What happened?

Peedee: I violated the food treaty.

Me: Food treaty?

Peedee: Years ago... (A treaty is shown in the background with Mr. Fryman and Kofi shaking hands.) My dad and Kofi signed an agreement to not steal each other's business, but when I fried up those mozzarella sticks... (The background turns into flames.) I re-ignited the hot oil of war. (Peedee sighs and puts his hand on his eye.)

Steven: Don't blame yourself. I was the one who wanted to "shake things up."

Peedee: Oh, yeah, it's your fault.

Me: Now's not the time to point fingers, Peed.

Peedee: Please don't call me that.

Mr. Fryman: Hey, Steven! Bring your friend over here. As valued customers, I want to know your thoughts on a new menu item. (Mr. Fryman pulls out a fried pizza.) Deep-fried Pizza!

Me: You can deep fry a pizza? Will wonders ever cease?...

Steven: A-actually, could I just get some fries?

Mr. Fryman: Sorry, we're all out of fries.

Steven: What?! Even the bits?! (Mr. Fryman pulls out a tray of pizza bits.)

Mr. Fryman: We have pizza bits now!

Me: Ooh! Interesting!

Steven: But how can you guys be out of fries? This is the fry shop! You're Fryman! Look at your hair.

Mr. Fryman: What about my hair?

Me: All this time I thought it was just a funny-lookin' hat.

(In the back of the fry shop.)

Ronaldo: Ugh, I can't connect to Fish Stew Pizza's wifi.

Mr. Fryman: Hey, you got no time for internetting. You're doing deliveries now. (Mr. Fryman takes Ronaldo's laptop and gives him a bag of food to deliver.)

Ronaldo: But I don't even have a car!

Mr. Fryman: You got those wheelie shoes, don't ya?

Ronaldo: Yeah... (Ronaldo turns on the ball at the bottom of his left sneaker and skates out of the shop.)

Me: Well, I'll take those pizza bits, por favor.

Steven: Marble!

Me: Hey, this war's a bad time to be picky. Besides, I hate Kofi. (Mr. Fryman and I high five as he hands me a bag of pizza bits. Steven, looking guilty, walks away into Fish Stew Pizza where Kiki is taking orders and Jenny is behind the counter.)

Steven: Jenny? You're working the counter?

Jenny: I know right? Things have been crazy since the war has been back on. (The phone rings) The phones have been ringing off the hook.

Kiki: I'll get it! (Kiki picks up the phone off-screen.) Thanks for calling Fish Stew Pizza. We do fries now.

Jenny: Anyway, I'm obligated to tell you two about our special new menu item. (Jenny takes out a pen and notepad.) French fry pizza with French fry crust and twice baked French fries on the side. 'Cause we do fries now.

Steven: I'd just rather have my usual...

Kofi: Steven!

Steven: Oh, hey Kofi.

Kofi: Before you place your order, you must sign [Grunts as he picks up papers] these papers... and pledge your allegiance to Fish Stew Pizza! Not only that, you'll be issued a brand-new, permanent, V.I.P. pizza-eater card! (Kofi takes out a branding iron that says VIP on it, scaring Steven out of Fish Stew Pizza.)

Mr. Fryman: Steven! Come back! (Running towards him) Hey, Steven, y-you forgot your pizza bits!

Steven: What? Aah!

Kofi: Steven! (Pulls out branding iron) Let me reward you for being such a good customer!

Steven: (Yells and runs away) Aah! What have I done?!

 **Restaurant War: Hearts & Minds **

(At The Temple)

Steven: (Off screen) Thank you all for coming. (Steven walks while in front of them while talking) Marble, Ronaldo, Kiki, Jenny and Peedee. I've called you all here tonight because... (Turns around and slams hands on nearby table) this war between your parents has to stop!

Jenny: Steven, How do you think we feel?! Do you know how many metal concerts I've missed because of this war?

Kiki: How many?

Jenny: Mmm like, one?

Ronaldo: Do you know how much (Slams fists on table) blogging I haven't been able to do?!

Steven: This is all my fault. If only my taste buds weren't so adventurous. I promise to find a way to work this out.

Peedee: How? There's no end in sight to all this fighting.

Steven: Hmm... we need to stop this hate with some sort of opposite of hate... Oh! Ronaldo!

Ronaldo: Hmm?

Steven: Kiki!

Kiki: Hmm?

Steven: You're sitting next to each other.

Kiki: Where are you going with this, Steven?

Steven: You guys should pretend to be in love! There won't be any time for fighting if your families have to plan a wedding together.

Me: I think you're planning too ahead there.

Kiki: Well... I guess we could try? Anything to get this war over with.

Steven: Alright. We'll fight this war with the power of love.

Ronaldo: No way. We can't do this because I... have a girlfriend. (I look on indifferent)

Me: Right...

Jenny: Where she at though?

Peedee: You said what I was thinking.

Steven: Okay you don't have to pretend to get married. Just, pretend to be in love long enough to get this feud over with.

Ronaldo: I... got a bad feeling about this...

Jenny: Shut up, Ronaldo. Nothing bad is going to happen and you get to spend time with the cutest girl in Beach City. (raspberries Kiki's cheek)

(Back at Beach city boardwalk)

Ronaldo: (Holding up flowers dramatically) Ah Kiki, my darling.

Kiki: Oh Ronaldo, My sweet. (Holding the same type of flowers behind her back)

Me: They make an adorable couple, don't they?

Ronaldo: (Running towards Kiki and her running to him) My dear sweet Kiki, who I love with all my blog.

Mr. Fryman: (Sticks head out of window) What the?!

Kiki: Hehe oh Ronaldo you're so sweet and quirky in a way I can tolerate.

Kofi: (Runs out door) Kiki! Why aren't you in here working your shift?!

Mr. Fryman: Yeah Ronaldo, we got a lot of customers to take care of.

Ronaldo: But dad, ever since this war started I've had to spend countless hours away from my beloved Kiki.

Kofi and Mr. Fryman: What?!

Kiki: It's true. The only way for us to be together is if we quit working.

Ronaldo: That's right, Steven. We have been for some time now.

Kofi: (Watching Ronaldo) Hmmm. You two are only hugging, right?

Ronaldo: Umm yes sir! (Nervously) Just hugs and longing looks. (Laughs nervously)

Mr. Fryman: Well, Kofi. Love is a beautiful thing.

Kofi: Yes, love is beautiful, we must end this feud in order for this love to blossom.

Mr. Fryman: Yes, the restaurant war is officially over.

?: Ronaldo?

Me: Eh? (I see a brunette girl)

?: I come all this way to return your Koala Princess DVD only to find you with another girl!

Jenny and Peedee: (Both slide between their Dads) What?

Ronaldo: Jane, my sweet, this was all just a trick to get my Dad to stop selling mozzarella sticks.

Jane: Save it for your blog "Keep Beach City Single"! (Jane runs away crying.)

Ronaldo: Jane, my Ohime-sama. (Ronaldo falls on his face, crying of who he lost.)

Kofi: (Kofi and Mr. Fryman cross their hands) The deal is off.

Mr. Fryman: Guh! Fine by me. (Mr. Fryman starts walking away) Peedee, fire up those fryers.

Kofi: (Runs to his restaurant) Kiki, pick up the phone. (Everyone else sighs.)

Me: (To Ronaldo) Huh. So, you weren't kidding about that girlfriend were you?

Ronaldo: (Whimpering and crying on the floor while holding out his hand) Ja-a-a-ane...

[Cut to the Temple Home.]

(Peedee's seated on a stair, Kiki, Steven, and Jenny on the couch, and Ronaldo walks around crying while texting on his phone, while I was comforting him)

Jenny: Ugh, what are we gonna do?

Steven: Hmmm... Peedee said the last time the war ended because your dad and his dad came together to sign a treaty. How did that happen?

Kiki: Well you know where Suitcase Sam's is? It used to be a restaurant called "The Everything Buffet."

Me: "The Everything Buffet"?

Jenny: Oh, yeah. They sold everything.

Kiki: But it wrecked the boardwalk's economy; not one store could compete. But just when everyone thought all hope was lost, our Dad and Fryman teamed up, and rammed them outta town.

Steven: Mmm... Another restaurant, ey? I think I have a plan.

 **Restaurant War: Operation: Let's Get Cooking**

[Outside Steven's house, this time with a cardboard sign stating "Steven's"]

(Kofi's family and Mr. Fryman's family await as Steven opens the door.)

Steven: Welcome to the Grand opening, of "Steven's." Right this way. (Steven holds the door as he points his customers to their seats.)

Me: Uh-uh-uh, no hats in the restaurant, please. (Mr. Fryman removes his cap as a sign of respect and manners.)

Peedee: Hmm, Nice Ambiance.

Mr. Fryman: Ahem! (Mr. Fryman crosses his hands) It's alright.

Me: (I enter in a Maitre'D attire) Just take your seats and one of our waitresses will be with with you shortly.

Kofi: There are not enough tables.

Kiki: There are just enough tables, daddy. (The Frymans take their seats at the closest table, while the Pizzas take their seats at the only other table in the room.)

Pearl: (Approaches the Frymans, dressed as a waiter) Hello, gentlemen. May I take your order?

Ronaldo: I'm full... of sadness! (Begins sobbing uncontrollably and slams his head down on the table)

Mr. Fryman: I will have the fantastic fries.

Pearl: (Writing the order down) Order taken. (Walks to the Pizzas' table)

Mr. Fryman: (Leans toward Peedee) I bet they're not as fantastic as ours.

Pearl: And for you?

Kofi: I will have the pizza bagel. (Pearl walks away.) I doubt a pizza bagel can beat pizza that isn't on a bagel. (Chuckles)

Steven: (Pearl hands him the orders.) Ah, let's see. Wonderful, two of our best dishes!

Pearl: Our only dishes.

Steven: Amethyst! Order up! Fire one fry and one pizza! (Claps twice)

Amethyst: Yes, chef! (Steven and Amethyst prepare the meals.)

Pearl: (Setting down the pizza bagel in front of Kofi) Here's your order, sir.

Kofi: Heh, pizza on a bagel, indeed!

Pearl: (Setting down a plate of fries in front of Mr. Fryman) And for you, sir.

Mr. Fryman: Uh, can I get some ketchup?

Pearl: Sorry, no additions or substitutions.

Mr. Fryman: Ha! This place is all talk! You can't have fries without ketchup. (Eats a fry and is suddenly stricken with disbelief) The ketchup... is inside the fries!?

Kofi: There's cream cheese in this pizza bagel. It adds a whole other level of flavor! And with pizza on a bagel, you can eat pizza any time!

Mr. Fryman: It's amazing!

Kofi: It's genius! (Mr. Fryman and Kofi look at each other and nod in agreement. The two then angrily approach Steven and me)

Steven: Ah, gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed your meal. Is there something I can help you with?

Mr. Fryman: Steven, (Cracks his knuckles) we didn't wanna have to do this, but... (Clasps his hands together)

Kofi: Please! Shut this place down!

Steven: What's this? You want me to close my lovely establishment?

Mr. Fryman: (Drops to his knees, hands clasped) Steven, we're begging you!

Kofi: (Kofi does the same.) We can't compete with a place like this!

Mr. Fryman: You'll drive us out of business!

Kofi: (Points at the door) There's already a line! (Screen cuts to show the door, with Onion standing on the other side, fork in hand.)

Me: Well, we'll be happy to shut down our establishment. Under one condition...

Kofi and Mr. Fryman: Anything!

Steven: Stop this foolish war! Cook for yourselves and the good of the boardwalk! No more cooking out of hate, and spite.

Kofi: (Mr. Fryman and Kofi smile at each other.) Let's just do, what we do best!

Mr. Fryman: Agreed. (Mr. Fryman and Kofi hug each other.)

Peedee, Kiki, and Jenny: Yeah! (The families celebrate, with the exception of Ronaldo, who still has his face down on the table.)

Jenny: Good job, daddy.

Mr. Fryman: Hear that, Ronaldo? The war's over! (Ronaldo, still crying, gives a thumbs up.)

Steven: Glad that's settled!

Me: And now I'm off to help Ronaldo reunite with his girlfriend. (Looks at the gems in the kitchen) Ladies, clean up while I'm gone.

Amethyst: Sorry, we on break.

(Screen stars in on Garnet, who gives two claps before the screen cuts to black.)

[END]


	52. Year 3 - Monster Reunion

**Year 3 - Monster Reunion**

[Open. Int. Beach House, Steven's room.]

Steven: Oh no! MC Bear-Bear, you've got a tear-tear! (Steven reveals a tear in MC Bear-Bear's arm.) I should have been more careful. We've lost too many good bears. Don't worry. You're hurt, but I'll look after you. Mwah! [Gasps] (Steven kisses MC Bear-Bear and the tear sows itself back together. Steven realizes that his healing spit has come back.) Guys? Guys?! (Steven meets Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and me in the kitchen.)

Amethyst: What's up, little Ste-cup?

Pearl: We were just about to put away the dishes. (Steven takes the plate out of Pearl's hand.)

Steven: Look what I can do! (Steven smashes the plate on the ground, to Pearl's and my shock and Amethyst's approval.)

Amethyst: All right! It's a Ste-party!

Me: Yee haw! (I grab a few dishes and start breaking them)

Pearl: Marble, that's enough! (Pearl stopped me before I could smash antoher plate)

Steven: It's okay! My healing spit is back! I fixed a rip on MC Bear-Bear! Here, I'll show you! (Steven licks his hand.)

Pearl: Fine, fine, I believe you. I don't want you touching a broken plate. I'll find a broom.

Amethyst: I'll find some other stuff to break!

Me: Right behind ya!

Pearl: No, Amethyst! Marble! (Pearl chases Amethyst Me off screen.)

Once Steven's healing spit came back. He had one thing in mind. Remember that centipeetle from two seasons back? That's right, Steven's bringing it back.

[Transition to the Burning Room.]

Pearl: Why did you agree to this?

Garnet: I lost a battle of will.

Me: It was the eyes, wasn't it?

Garnet: Yes.

Steven: Here it is! (Steven points to a bubble and floats to get it.) Gotcha!

Pearl: Is that...

Steven: It's Centipeetle. If I can help any of them, I want to help her first.

Amethyst: (Amethyst summons her whip and reels in a bubble of Chaaaaps to her.) Don't forget these!

Steven: [Gasps] Chaaaaps! They're her favorite!

Steven: Okay. You guys ready? (Garnet nods while Amethyst, Pearl and I get ready. Steven pops the bubble and Centipeetle begins to regenerate into her first form.)

Me: She's coming!

Amethyst: Come on dude, do your thing!

Pearl: Be careful! (While regenerating, Steven licks his hand and puts it on Centipeetle's Gem, healing her into a semi-corrupt form with humanoid arms and legs. The Crystal Gems gasp) Is it working? (Centipeetle turns around, notices the others and screeches.)

Steven: It worked!

Me: Not well enough... Let's bubble it back.

Steven: No! It's alright.

Pearl: Uh, Steven?

Steven: Centi, you're back! (Centipeetle hisses.) Whoa! What's the matter? Don't you want some Chaaaps? (Centipeetle angrily squawks at Steven.)

Amethyst: [sighs] I don't think she remembers them.

Steven: Forget the Chaaaaps. (Steven pushes the Chaaaaps bubble back into the air.) You remember me, don't you? (Centipeetle looks confused.) I have a bad feeling this didn't work how I wanted it to work.

Pearl: Hmm, possibly not. Oh! Don't go closer!

Steven: Maybe she just needs a little extra love! (Steven kisses Centipeetle's Gem, causing Centipeetle to squawk in pain and cover her Gem.) Uh, oops. [Chuckles]

Garnet: Hmm. This is the best we've ever seen it work.

Pearl: But it didn't work. I guess it'll take more than a kiss to heal damage from the Diamonds.

Steven: But why? My healing powers are back. I-I should be able to do this.

Pearl: It's alright Steven. Remember, she's not cracked, she's corrupted, and that's something different, something nearly impossible to describe.

Garnet: It's sort of like if MC Bear-Bear didn't tear the fabric of his arm, but the fabric of his mind.

Me: Deep...

Amethyst: Sounds pretty explained to me!

Steven: Hmm.

Garnet: Steven, I'm impressed with your ability to bring the Centipeetle this far, but it's time to let her rest again. Amethyst. Marble...

Me: We got it. (I summon my axe)

Amethyst: We'll poof her. (Centipeetle squawks at her reflection in one of the Crystal Heart's veins.)

Steven: But, she's not a monster anymore!

Garnet: Here. (Garnet puts Steven's face into her body.) You don't have to watch.

Steven: (Steven pushes himself out.) No, please! (Steven runs in front of Centipeetle.) She can walk, and talk! Just like you guys!

Me: Walking, yes. Talking... (Centipeetle squawks) No.

Steven: See? I helped her this much; maybe I can help her more. I have to try. I made a promise! (Steven begs and turns his eyes into innocence again.) Ple-e-e-e-e-e-ease? (Steven pouts his lips.)

Pearl: What are we going to do with her? Let her move in?

Amethyst: Aw yeah! Corrupted roommate!

Me: Well, she's not stayin' in my room!

Pearl: Oh Amethyst, be sensitive.

Steven: [gasp] She can even stay in my room!

Pearl: Uh, we're... really doing this?

Garnet: She can stay un-bubbled. But you have to understand. Some Gems are beyond our help. Marble, you go with Steven.

Me: Why me? (Centipeetle bites my arm) AYE!

Amethyst: Because she missed you most of all. (I growl at her)

[Transition to the living room]

Me: (Centipeetle sits on the couch.) There. Are you comfortable? (Centipeetle nods) Good, you can let go of my arm now. (Centipeetle lets go of my arm and looks around)

Steven: Okay, Centi- Oh, I guess that's not really your name. What is your name? (Centipeetle squawks) "Gurgle click-click"?

Me: How about we call her, Centi?

Steven: Good idea. What do you think, Centi? (Centipeetle growls) Can't talk, huh? You really don't remember me? You don't remember saving me from that seagull or our adventures in the ice caves, or chewing on Marble's arm, or when I electrocuted you with... Uh, actually, do forget that one. (Centipeetle turns her head, confused as Steven sighs) You even forgot Chaaaps. [Sighs] (Steven opens the bag of Chaaaaps. Centipeetle squawks in reaction.)

Me: Hmm?

Steven: I love Chips. (Centipeetle tries to sing "I love Chaaaaps" but it comes out distorted. Steven gasps] Do... do you remember me singing the Chaaaps jingle? (Centipeetle takes the chip out of Steven's hand, eats it, then squawks.) You, wanna try Marble?

Me: Aww no! Not this time. I'm not even gonna try to get involved in this episode!

Steven and Centipeetle: You love chips, and I love chips! We love chips from Chaaaps! (Centipeetle eats from the bag.)

Steven: Your memories are still in there! I just have to draw them out! Oh, I know how we can talk, even if your voice is messed up! (Steven puts paper and crayons on the table. He holds up a crayon.) See, this is an Earth crayon! I-I bet you Gems are used to super-advanced space crayons, but we make do. (Steven draws his name.) Look, Ste...ven. That's me! Can you do that? (Centipeetle nods and squawks as she draws on the paper.) Ah, Steven, you're a genius! (Centipeetle squawks and shows Steven the drawing. It is scribbled in the Gem language.) Okay, maybe not. (Centipeetle dons a grumpy look) That's alright. I have another plan! We'll just talk through the language of art! (Steven reveals a drawing of himself. Centipeetle takes the paper and draws herself holding Steven's hand and me uneasily standing next to Centipeetle.) What are you adding? (Centipeetle reveals the paper.) You remember we were buds!

Centipeetle: Yeaahh!

Steven: Do you remember anything from before y-, I - I mean from long ago?

Centipeetle: Hmm. [Squawks as Centipeetle starts drawing.)

Steven: It's you in - some kind of spaceship? Is that how you came to Earth? (Centipeetle continues drawing.)

Me: What are you drawing now? (Centipeetle reveals the paper.)

Steven: Huh. They look kind of like you. Was that your crew?

Centipeetle: Awhk!

Steven: [Gasps] You were a captain? That's so cool! I'm sorry, that's so cool, sir! (Steven salutes Centipeetle.) Oh, yeah, you guys don't salute like that. You go like... (Steven tries to do the gem salute.) Mm. Ow, ow! Oh, this looked so easy when Peridot did it. (Centipeetle does the correct gem salute.) [Gasps] Yeah! like that! (Centipeetle repeatedly does the gem salute, squawks, and then continues drawing.) It's you... saluting... You're saluting someone... (Centipeetle shows a drawing of her Commander) Your commander? She gave you an order... You... and your crew... and your ship. Woah, lots of ships. You flew through space... towards Earth. (Illustrations of the Homeworld gems going towards Earth like an armada.) You landed... (Gem structures start appearing) and started building stuff. But then... (Steven and I were shocked)

Me: The gem war.

Steven: You joined the fight... (Centipeetle starts marking through people on the drawing with the crayon.) You and your crew kept going. (I walk to Centi for a closer look) You got separated, but you were still fighting. Then, new orders from your commander... to retreat. Everyone's running, but from what? You don't know. Where's your crew? Where's your ship?! You stopped. You heard something. From the sky, a sound. A song? And then... (Centipeetle stops drawing and tears fall onto the paper. She starts to sob.) Centi? (Centipeetle, still crying, breaks a crayon in her hand in half.)

Steven: That light. Where did it come from? (Centipeetle draws The Great Diamond Authority symbol on the drawing. I froze in shock)

Steven: Damage from the Diamonds.

Me: No...

The mere mentioning of the Diamonds put me in shock. Flashing me back to the day I was made. I was the perfect soldier like other Marbles before me, then I was taken away by the diamonds to battle in the war back on homeworld. I wasn't before after the war that I refused to ever fight for Homeworld again, they offered me no mercy... It was then I knew exactly how Centi felt.

(Centipeetle coughs and then spits out some acids onto the floor.)

Steven: Are you okay?! (Centipeetle falls onto the floor, and her left arm reverts to her corrupted form's arm.) You're reverting. Here, I'll heal you again! (Steven licks his hand and touches the Centipeetle's gem, but the healing powers don't work.) Why isn't it working?! How can I help you!? (Centipeetle shows him her drawing of the Diamond symbol.) I don't understand! (Centipeetle squawks and runs up to the warp pad. She starts hitting it.) It's not working 'cause your corrupted. Where do you want to go? (Steven shows Centipeetle's drawings.) The battlefield? Your ship?

Centipeetle: Awhk!

Steven: Is there something on the ship that can help you? (Centipeetle screams and slams her fists on the warp pad)

Steven: Just hold on. We'll get you there. (Steven tugs on my arm) Come on, Marble!

Me: Uhm... (I snap out of it) Huh! What happened?

Steven: Centi wants go to her ship! Come on! (I ran to the warp pad)

(Steven, Centipeetle and I warp to the Gem ship)

Me: Alright! Lead the way girl! (Centipeetle squawks and starts running. I run after her)

Steven: Hey! Wait for Steven! (Steven and I chases Centipeetle) Oh no. (We run towards Centipeetle, who is already almost back into her corrupted form) Where are you trying to get to?! (Centipeetle runs to the door of the ship and starts tearing off vines in front of it) Oh. You want in the door. Steven Universe at your service-erse. (Centipeetle Steven and I tear off the vines and Centipeetle tries to open the door with the hand pad but fails as her arm mutates. I look at Steven who nods and opens it for her) We're in! What now? (we look up) Other Centipeetles? (Centipeetle crawls towards the other Centipeetles and gladly squawks with them.)

Amethyst: (suddenly arrives) Hey now! This is my style! (Amethyst shapeshifts into a Centipeetle.) Can I hang with you, dudes?

Pearl: Amethyst, don't make fun!

Amethyst: I'm not! Ugh! (Shapeshifts back.)

Steven: You guys were right after all. I couldn't help Centipeetle.

Garnet: You brought the Centipeetle back to her ship. You brought her back to her crew. They've been waiting here for her. They didn't want to leave her behind.

Steven: Wait... how did you know any of that?

Garnet: (Pulls out papers) She told us. (Hands them to Steven.)

Steven: Her drawings?

Garnet: Her writing.

Me: Gem writing.

Pearl: It's actually decently legible!

Steven: Wow. (Centipeetle nudges Steven and he laughs) You look so happy here. Can we let the Centipeetles stay? (Makes puppy dog eyes.)

Garnet: You can put those puppy dog eyes away, Steven. This ship is their bubble now.

Me: Um. Before we go. Mind if I have one last chat? (I walk towards the centipeetles) Centi. Up to now I thought you were just a corrupted monster. But now that I know what you've been through, I realize you're no different than me.

Centipeetle: Arrr...

Me: Just hang in there... (I walk away with the Gems)

Steven: Pearl! Pearl! Pearl! Will you teach me to write in Gem?

Pearl: Oh, Steven, it's very complicated. And you won't have much use for it.

Steven: Oh, just a few things, like, "Hi, how are you?", "Where's the bathroom?"... (Looks sadly at Centipeetle's drawings of Homeworld as the exiting star closes in on it.) And... "I'm sorry."

[END]


	53. Year 3 - Alone at Sea

**Year 3 - Alone at Sea**

[The episode begins with Steven, Lapis, and I walking on a pier near the Beach City harbors. Steven has a surprise for Lapis as she covers her eyes with her wings.]

Lapis: I'm starting to guess the surprise, Steven.

Steven: I told you to close your eyes!

Lapis: [Laughs] Sorry.

Steven: Okay, wait here.

Me: (clears throat) Okay, Lapis. Remember that time Peridot made that pool in the barn?

Lapis: Your point?

Me: Well, perhaps you'll be more comfortable being above water! Show her, what she's won boys!

Greg Steven: Surprise! (Steven shows Lapis a large yacht all of us will use.)

Lapis: Hm.

Steven: We bought a boat!

Greg: Uh, correction. We rented a boat. I may be rich, but buying a boat would be going a bit overboard.

Steven: Ayyy.

Greg: Ayyyyy.

Greg and Steven: Ayyyyy!

Me: Ehh...

Greg: Just a joke I picked up from some sailors. They have a surprisingly clean sense of humor.

Me: Too clean if you ask me.

Lapis: Steven, who is this?

Greg: Uh, Greg Universe. (Offers a handshake to Lapis.) You broke my leg trying to use the ocean to fly back to your homeworld?

Lapis: Lapis Lazuli. Nice to meet you. (Greg holds out his hand expecting a handshake which never comes, making the moment awkward.)

Greg: Great! Well, I'll get the boat started.

Steven: So what do you think?

Lapis: It's nice, Steven... but I don't know.

Steven: Look, Lapis, I know you spent a really long time fused with Jasper at the bottom of the ocean, but you're not Malachite anymore. And water is a part of who you are. You can't let one bad experience take that away from you.

Lapis: It was more than one.

Me: Now's not the time to reminice. It's time to relax! Cruise through the sea!

Steven: Just give it a chance. I promise we'll make this the most fun you've ever had.

Lapis: Steven, I... Don't deserve this.

Steven Of course you do! We even named her Li'l Lappy. (Greg is seen giving a thumbs up to the name)

Me: Are ya sure you didn't name it the S.S Misery? (Greg realizes the taped coverup paper fell off and showed its real name, "S.S. MISERY." to Lapis' amusement.)

Lapis: [Snorts then laughs.] Okay. I'll give it a chance. But, just one. (Lapis picks up Steven and flies to the floor of the boat.)

Steven: Woah! [Laughs]

Greg (Speaking into a microphone) Are all of you ready to set sail?

Steven: Aye, aye, Captain!

Lapis: Yes.

Me: Ready to go!

Greg: (Sounding the horn) Full speed ahe- Woah! (A piece of wood was pulled off the dock since Greg forgot to unlock the cord keeping the yacht at bay.) Ah, geez, you think anyone will notice?

Me: Eh, it's fine.

(Soon, We all set sail, our progress seen in a birds-eye view.)

Greg: Wow, I think I did a number on that dock. Maybe somebody else should take a shot at being captain. What do you say, Captain Lazuli?

Lapis: I shouldn't.

Steven: Go for it, Lapis.

Lapis: Don't put me in charge! Oh, sorry. I mean, y-you shouldn't trust me with the boat.

Me: Oh, come on! You worry too much.

Steven: Yeah. We can all be first mates, so there's no pressure. Only fun stuff today! (Lapis is pleased with the plan, including Greg, who continues to offer the Captain's hat.)

Greg: Lapis, you can still wear the hat, if you want.

Lapis: Thanks, but I'm not putting that on my body.

Me: I'll take that hat, Captain! (I put on the hat)

Greg: Let's set a course for f-u-u-un!

(Upbeat music plays as Steven and Greg enjoy their time on the yacht. Lapis is not as energetic from noticing the unknown but eventually enjoys herself as she continues to pull the horn. Afterward, we talk to Greg, who is seen fishing.)

Steven: Dad! Dad!

Greg: Hey, you guys. Finally get enough of that horn?

Steven: What?! (Greg chuckles]

Lapis: What are you doing?

Greg: Catching fish. (Throws the hook into the water.)

Lapis: Oh, I can help! (Sighs as she steps back and uses her hydrokinesis to lift a large mass of water containing plenty of fish)

Greg: [Gasps] What the?!

Steven: Woah.

Me: Catch of the day!

Greg: That's a pretty uh... fancy way of catching fish.

Steven: That's 'cause Lapis is super strong!

Me: And she can control water with her mind.

Greg: Well, I, uh, appreciate the gesture, but I-I think it would be safer to stick to the old-fashioned way of doing it.

Me: If you insist.

Lapis: Oh, uh... sure. (Lapis shoots the large mass of water back into the ocean which causes a large ripple that shakes the boat and makes it creak.)

Steven and Greg: Woah!

Steven: Wow, Lapis! That was ama... (Lapis puts her hand on Steven's head to calm him.) zing...

Lapis: So, how do you fish the old-fashioned way?

Greg: Oh, it's pretty simple. You start with a rod, and you put a hook on the end of your line. And then, when you feel a nibble, you reel it in. And there it is. You've caught yourself a fish to eat!

Lapis: But why would a fish ever bite a hook?

Greg: You got to bait it. Put something on it you know it wants, like a worm or a $20 bill. Here, I'll show you. (Throws the hook back into the water.) Fishing. (Time skips by as Greg continues to fish. Steven, Lapis, and I get impatient.)

Lapis: When does the fish part happen?

Greg: Well, sometimes it isn't about the fish you keep, but the company you catch. (Notices a nibble.) Woah! I got a bite! (Steven Gasps] Lapis, here! Give it a try! Hold it just like that and reel it in slowly.

Lapis: Like this? (reels the line in)

Greg: You got it. It looks like a big one! (Lapis continues to reel in but faces difficulty as she is pulled back with great force.)

Steven: Lapis!

Greg: Steven! (They both grab hold onto Lapis and help her pull.)

Me: I got you! (I grab hold onto Lapis) Woah, mama! It's a big one! We're eatin' good tonight!

Lapis: It's... pulling... so hard! (The silhouetted entity is about to emerge. Lapis is shocked as the line snaps and lets it sink back. She runs to the side and looks at the water)

Greg: [Sighs] Looks like this pole rental turned into a pole purchase. But you did a great job tangling with that beast.

Steven: Y-yeah. Don't worry about that one getting away.

Lapis: Oh, thank you.

Greg: Welp, that's my adventure quota for the day. I'll be at the controls. Holler if you need me.

Steven Yes, sir! Lapis, what do you... (Steven notices they disappeared from their area.) Lapis?

Me: Where is she? (We look around and we notice that Lapis is sitting on a patio lounge chair)

Steven: Hey. Whatcha doing?

Lapis: I just thought I'd sit for a bit.

Steven: You looked like a real pro fisher before the pole snapped.

Lapis: Thanks.

Steven: Hmm. So, fishing was a bust, but I-I got something that'll cheer you up. Shuffleboard! What do you say? (The ship starts to shake as something is heard crashing.) Ahh!, Ugh! [Groans] What was that? (The crash happens again, and continues to happen.)

Lapis: Are you okay?

Steven: Yeah.

Lapis: What's going on?

Me: Don't worry! I'll take care of this! (I summon my axe)

Greg: Steven! You got a moment?

Steven: Is everything okay, First Mate Dad?

Greg Shh! You hear that?

(Silence as the crashing stops.)

Steven: Uhhh... no.

Greg: I guess it stopped. I think something's wrong with the boat. (tries to turn the wheel to no success.) Aw, geez, something's throwing off the rudder. I don't know what's going on, and this owner's manual is no help. It's mostly advice on sun tanning and what crackers go with caviar.

Steven: Well, what crackers go with caviar?

Greg: Water crackers.

Steven and Greg: Ayyyyyyyyyyyy! (Muffled thumping is heard inside the yacht.)

Greg: [Gasps] There it is. (The yacht begins to rumble then crash again.) Oh, crud! The engine! I don't know how to fix an engine. This trip might be a little longer than we thought, little buddy. (The scene transitions to an overcast weather. Lapis is seen staring at the scene of the ocean.)

Steven: Lapis? Um... I have some not-so-good news. There's trouble with the engine, and we might be stuck out here for a while.

Me: Well, that's just great. We're stranded in the middle of the ocean. How can this get any worse? (Thunder crashes)

Steven: Storm's coming.

Me: I had to ask... [Lapis sighs]

Steven: [Sighs] I'm so sorry! This whole thing is my fault. I just wanted you to have fun, but everything's a mess. I shouldn't have made you come on this trip.

Me: Don't blame yourself, Steven. Just a series of unfortunate events that got in our way.

Lapis: No. It's my fault. I'm the one to blame.

Steven: That's not true.

Me: Why would you even say that?

Lapis: I'm really trying to enjoy it out here, but... I can't stop thinking about being fused as Malachite, how I used all my strength to hold her down in the ocean, and how I was always battling against Jasper to keep her bound to me.

Steven: But it's not like that anymore. You don't have to be with Jasper.

Lapis: That's not it. I... I miss her.

Steven: What?!

Me: [laughs] Thats funny. For a second, I thought you said you missed Jasper...

Lapis: I did. (I froze in shock) [Sighs] We were fused for so long.

Steven: But... she's terrible.

Lapis: I'm terrible! I did horrible things! I-I broke your dad's leg. I stole Earth's ocean! Go on! Tell me I'm wrong!

Me: Lapis! You're overreacting! This isn't your fault, none of it is! You were forced to do these things. You were force to fuse with Jasper. Your will was strong but she was stronger! You can't blame yourself because of that!

Lapis: YES I CAN! How can you possibly deny all the devastating things I did?!

Me: Because I knew you for a long time! I know you would never do that. Your problem is that you've held on to that horrifying memory to tight! You've changed since then, you are free now! You don't have to worry about the mirror, or Homeworld, and you especially don't have to worry about- (The yacht begins to rumble again. An arm emerges from the water, grabbing the anchor chain and climbing. It turns out that Jasper has returned which shocks Steven and Lapis.)

Jasper: Finally! [Thunder crashes behind her.]

Steven and Lapis: Jasper!

Jasper: I thought I'd never catch up to you!

Lapis: You've been following us?

Jasper: I've been following you. (Lapis gasps]

Steven: Stay back! [Summons his shield, I summon my axe]

Jasper: Marble? [Laughs] This waste of a soldier and this dulled-down version of Rose Quartz works for you now? You're pointing those weapons the wrong way. [Chuckles] She's the one you should be afraid of.

Lapis: That's not true.

Jasper: You can't lie to me. I've seen what you're capable of. I thought I was a brute, but you... you're a monster.

Lapis: I...

Steven: Lapis doesn't want anything to do with you!

Jasper: This is between... us! (Jasper swipes Steven with her arm, knocking Steven back and moderately damaging him. Steven groans)

Lapis: Steven!

Me: Hey! Why don't ya pick on someone your own size! (Jasper turns to me)

Jasper: Heh. Such a waste of an elite gem warrior to protect this freak.

Me: That freak's my friend. And everything you're saying about her is wrong!

Jasper: Out of my way!

Me: Make me!

Jasper: Very well...

(Jasper and I began to fight. I swing my axe at her bt she grabs it and throws me across the ship. I charge at her and punch her, Jasper and I continued to punch each other. I dodge her blows, and I hit back but she counterattacked me.)

Jasper: Face it! We're too evenly matched! Why don't you come back to Homeworld, where you belong!

Lapis: Marble!

Me: Here's an idea: You leave! (I push Jasper into the cabin by Lapis)

Jasper: Ugh! I'm done wasting time with you! (To Lapis) Now, for you... (Jasper grabs Lapis by the arm, restricting her movement, then clasps her hands around Lapis' and lands on her knees.)

Jasper: Let's be Malachite again. (The thunder continues to crash, setting the scene.)

Me: What?!

Lapis: Why... would you want that?

Jasper: I was wrong about fusion. You made me understand! Malachite was bigger and stronger than both of us! We could fly!

Steven: Lapis, don't listen to her!

Jasper: Stay out of this!

Lapis: I was terrible to you. I liked taking everything out on you. I needed to. I-I hated you. It was bad!

Jasper: It'll be better this time. I've changed. You've changed me. I'm the only one who can handle your kind of power. [Walks closer towards Lapis until her back's against the front of the ship's cabin] Together, we'll be unstoppable! (Lapis thinks about it. She stares back at Steven, who has a worried look on his face)

Me: You don't have to do this, Lapis. (Lapis makes her descision)

Lapis: No.

Jasper: What?

Lapis: What we had wasn't healthy. I never want to feel like I felt with you. Never again! So just go!

Jasper: Lapis!

Steven: She said, "No!" Leave her alone!

Jasper: This is your fault. [Growls and starts charging towards us] I'll shatter you!

Me: Bring it on, Cheeto Puff! (Lapis summons a large mass of water forming into a fist, smashing through the middle of the yacht, hitting Jasper.)

Jasper: Eeuugh! (Jasper gets pushed far, far away because of the impact.)

Me: Aaand, she's outta here!

Steven: Lapis, you did it!

Greg: Are you guys okay?! What?! (The boat begins to creak and groan as it starts to sink.) What happened?

Steven: Uhh, it's kind of a long story. (Lapis picks up Steven, Greg, and I and flies away.)

Greg: I guess I bought a boat after all.

Steven: Eh, sorry, Dad. (to Lapis) But hey, the ocean's really beautiful from up here.

Lapis: Yeah. It is.

[END]


	54. Year 3 - Crack the Whip

**Year 3 - Crack the Whip**

[Episode starts with Pearl and Garnet in the Temple]

Pearl: All right, we may be a while.

Steven: But-

Garnet: Amethyst. Marble.

Amethyst: (Reading what appears to be a fashion magazine while I was sleeping behind her) What? I'm busy.

Garnet: You two, hold down the fort.

Amethyst: (Puts down the book and lazily salutes) Aye, aye, Captain. No surprises while we're on duty. (Connie barges through the door with Lion behind her)

Me: (I wake up) Wha?!

Connie: *excitedly* Surprise! I'm early!

Steven: ...I was trying to tell you, Connie has sword training today.

Pearl: (Covers her mouth in shock) Oh! I completely forgot... I'm so sorry, Connie.

Amethyst: (Clears her throat) *tauntingly* Very irresponsible, Pearl. (I snicker at that as Pearl glares at Amethyst and groans)

Connie: Is this because of Jasper? Are you headed back North?

Garnet: She's on the move.

Pearl: We can't have her just out there attacking random monsters for whatever reason.

Connie: Of course, be safe!

Pearl: (Smiles) That's my line. Amethyst?

Amethyst: Got it.

Pearl: We'll train next week without Jasper hanging over our heads.

Garnet: Best case scenario.

Me: Worst case?

Garnet: Best you do not know. (Pearl and Garnet warp out)

Amethyst: Lucky break for you guys, you get the training day off. (Puts arm over Connie's shoulder) So what do you wanna do?

(Cuts to Steven and Connie practicing, Amethyst and I watching them on a rock hand, and Lion sleeping in the background)

Connie: (Strikes at Steven's shield) Hah! (strikes again) H...yah!

Steven: (Dodges Connie's attack) Nyeh! (Slides in, summons bubble, causing Connie to be knocked back) Hah! (Connie lands perfectly, slides back. Summons a shield twice and throws them towards Connie) Mmmm-Nyeh!

Connie: Uuah! Hah! (Counters with her sword; Steven gasps, realizing the shields are approaching him and uses his float ability) Hey, no fair!

Steven (Laughs) Hey, Amethyst! Marble! Did you see that? Amethyst? Marble?

Me: (laying down, not seeing anything) Oh, I saw it. Good work.

Amethyst: (Laying on the rock hand, not paying any attention) Sup. (Steven lands)

Steven: (Lands) Are you even watching?

Amethyst: Sure, what's it look like?

Steven: Like you're not watching?

Amethyst: (Sits up) Oh, all right, Y'got me. Ha! (Shapeshifts her eyes on her feet and lays back down) Is that better?

Steven and Connie: (Laughing) Ewww... Gross!

Steven: But yeah, that's better. C'mon, Connie (Summons shield). Let's take it from the top!

Connie: Okay! (Steven and Connie get in their positions, and Connie starts to strike repeatedly as Steven grunts slightly on each impact)

Me: (not paying attention) You're doing great! Keep your eyes on that ball. (Amethyst's feet-eyes are carefully watching but get bored over time and close)

Steven: Did you see that?

Amethyst: (Impression of Pearl) (Shapeshifts into Pearl and claps) Excellent! Amazing! Pearl-fect. *giggles*

Me: (laughs) Heh, Pearl-fect.

Connie: Not really. My stance is all wrong, and my grip is a little soft.

Amethyst: (Shapeshifts back) Why are you worried about that little stuff for? It's not gonna matter in a real fight.

Connie: It does, though. I blew it on my first, real magical mission! I was face-to-face with a monster and I froze. Maybe if I trained a little harder... I- Could've handled it. (I walk towards Connie)

Me: You see, that's the problem. You're too focused! You gotta loosen up.

Amethyst: Yeah, man. In a fight, you never know what's gonna happen, You just gotta go with it. How can you get ready when you don't even know what you're getting ready for, huh?

Me: She has a point.

Amethyst: Yeah, you can't be ready. What you gotta be is... (Shapeshifts her arms so they're noodle-like) loose.

Steven: (With stars in his eyes) I wanna be loose!

Amethyst: Then you gotta go with the flow! Fighting's all about that feeling deep in your guts. What do your guts feel like?!

Steven: (Belly gurgles) Hungry! (Connie giggles)

Amethyst: Mine too. (Chanting becomes gradually louder) Snack break, snack break, snack break... (continues in the background)

Connie: Well, we do need energy to practice.

Steven: (Begins chanting) Snack break! Snack break! Snack break! Snack break!

Me: To the donut!

(Cut to Amethyst and me looking in the window of the Big Donut as Sadie is stocking the fridge behind the counter)

Sadie: (Quietly singing to herself) Mmmmm, like a burger. (Surprised as she hears someone enter the store, she quickly resumes stocking the shelf) Be right there! (Stands up at the counter) Welcome to the Big Donut, how can I he- huh?

Amethyst: Heeeey, donut girl. It's me, donut boy. You mind if I grab a couple of krullers? (Leans over the counter and uses one arm to push Sadie aside) It's cool, I totally work here! (Begins hastily shoving donuts into her back pockets)

Steven: Sorry, Sadie. That's just Amethyst being Amethyst... by not being Amethyst... (Shrugs with a fake smile on his face)

Me: Oh, don't tell her! You'll spoil the surprise!

Sadie: Oh, it's no problem. It's just a couple of donuts. (Screen cuts to show Amethyst turn around and walk out of the store holding dozens of donut-filled bags in her arms) Okay, maybe it's a problem. (Steven and Connie empty their pockets and hand Sadie all of their money. Screen cuts to show Steven, Connie, and Amethyst on a bench outside with all of their donuts.)

 **Montage**

(Standing on the back of the bench with a donut in her mouth and holding three cans of soda, Amethyst shakes one of the cans and then puts all three behind her back before turning around and dropping two of the cans to Steven and Connie. Connie pokes at her can and then opens it. Steven opens his can and a geyser of soda hits him in the face. Connie looks disgusted while Amethyst points and laughs before shaking her own can and opening it. A soda geyser then hits her in the face, causing her to fall backwards off the back of the bench. Steven and Connie look at her, then back at each other and begin laughing. Screen cuts to outside of Fish Stew Pizza and Beach Citywalk Fries. Next, Amethyst and I, who shapeshifted into cats, is being chased by Steven, Connie, and Lion while Peedee sits at the counter reading a newspaper. Screen cuts to show Steven and Connie in a ferris wheel car rounding the top of the ride. Amethyst is sitting on the roof of the next car, and Lion is in the next car after hers. Screen cuts to show Steven carrying Amethyst, who has shapeshifted into a boombox, on his shoulder, while Connie and Lion follow them to the beach. Screen cuts to show the ocean in the evening, with Amethyst surfing in the distance.)

 **End Montage**

(Screen cuts to show the ocean in the evening, with Amethyst and me surfing in the distance.)

Amethyst: Come o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-on! (Surfs off screen right and reappears much closer, surfing toward screen left) Co-o-o-ome o-o-o-o-o-o-o-on! (Stops moving and looks back toward the shore. Steven pops his head up out of the water in front of Amethyst. Screen shows Connie bouncing up and down excitedly on the beach, with Sour Cream sleeping in the background.)

Connie: I didn't bring a swimsuit!

Me: You won't need a swinsuit in battle!

Connie: By Jove, I guess you're right! (Runs into the ocean laughing and stops next to Steven) I don't think I've ever had this much fun in one day!

Amethyst: (Surfing across the screen in the background) Bungacowa!

Steven: We should spend more time with Amethyst, she's the best!

Connie: (Splashes Steven) You're the best!

Steven: (Splashes Connie back) Nuh-uh! You're the best! (Connie laughs, but then stops and watches as the pink corrupted gem from her first mission rises out of the water behind them. The gem then moves to the shore, shakes the water off its hair, and roars, prompting Sour Cream to wake up and immediately run off the beach.)

Me: Wha? (I notice the monster and fell off my surfboard) GAAAAH! (The gem then turns to face Steven and Connie, still in the water.)

Steven: (Smiles nervously) Uh, I remember you too, buddy... heh. (Forms a bubble around himself and Connie. The gem then leaps toward the bubble but is caught in midair by Amethyst's whip. Amethyst then swings back around on the surfboard and uses Steven's bubble as a ramp to jump onto the gem. She then pulls her whip around the gem tighter until it "poofs", causing her to fall to the ground, where she is quickly greeted by Steven, Connie, and me)

Connie: Amethyst, that was amazing!

Steven: Whoa, are you okay?

Amethyst: (Sighs) Not a pretty win, but I'll take it.

Me: Yeah, that's great. Now can someone explain to me WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?!

Connie: That was the monster we fought in the snow. At least, it looked like it was.

Steven: Well, there were two of them. (Bubbles the gem and sends it to the Temple)

Amethyst: (Suddenly concerned) Two of them?

Me: Where's the other one? She asked worriedly. (The other corrupted gem emerges from the water with Jasper standing on top of it)

Jasper: Rose!

Steven: Jasper!

Jasper: Glad I found you. I've decided to build my own army, where's the rest of yours?

Steven: They're not here right now!

Amethyst: (Concerned) Shhhhhh!

Jasper: So it's just you lot?

Me: We don't need no army to take you down! (I summon my axe)

Amethyst: Yeah! I'm gonna whip your butt all by myself! (Lashes her whip at the corrupted gem, causing it to rear up and toss Jasper onto the sand before charging toward Steven, Connie, and Amethyst, who all move out of the way.) I got Jasper, Marble will be my backup, you guys handle that dope!

Connie: (Steven, Connie, and Lion prepare to fight the corrupted gem. Steven summons his shield as Connie draws her sword.) Okay, we get a second chance at this.

Steven: Just stay together! (The gem slams its foot in front of them.)

Jasper: I came here to fight Rose, not some runts!

Amethyst: You think you can just keep showing up and picking fights with us? Agh, why don't you get a life!?

Jasper: Fighting is my life! It's what I was made for! (Points at Amethyst) It's what you were made for too, runt!

Amethyst: So? I've got other stuff goin' on, but I can fight just fine! (Lashes her whip at Jasper, who catches it easily)

Jasper: Well then, let's see it! (Pulls the whip, sending Amethyst flying toward her)

Amethyst: Whah! (Jasper kicks her in the stomach, sending her back first onto the sand) Oof! (Jasper uses her spin dash to run over Amethyst eight times. I swing my axe at her but she keeps avoiding it)

Me: Hold still! (Jasper grabs my axe and throws me across the beach. I then charge at her and high kicked her) Give up?

Jasper: (smirks) Heh. You still got strength. And yet you waste your life protecting this useless planet.

Me: This useless planet is my home! And you're not welcome!

Jasper: Hmph! If you won't to reason, you'll listen to force!

Amethyst: Leave her alone! (She charges at Jasper, and attacked from behind. Jasper grabbed her legs and pinned her to the ground)

Jasper: (Towering over Amethyst, who is on her hands and knees) You're not even trying! Is it because you already know you're a failure? (Amethyst looks up at her) You're a quartz soldier, just like me. Just like her. (Points to me, Amethyst's expression turns to anger and disgust) But you're not like me, are you? (Screen cuts momentarily to show Steven, Connie, and Lion fighting the corrupted gem, then returns to show Amethyst now standing in front of Jasper) Hahaha, you're small! (Begins rapidly punching Amethyst before slamming her back into the ground)

Steven: Amethyst!?

Jasper: Are you that desperate for troops, Rose? That you keep a defect like this?

Amethyst: (Barely able to get back on her feet) Rose said... I'm perfect... the way I am!

Jasper: Then she had low standards. (Enraged, Amethyst charges at Jasper with her spin dash) You could've been me! (Kicks Amethyst into the air, and as she falls back past Jasper, the scene slows down as the two are face to face) And what are you instead? (Amethyst slams into the ground)

Steven and Connie: Amethyst!

Jasper: (Amethyst looks back at Jasper) Just a joke. (Jasper headbutts Amethyst, destroying her form and knocking her gem into the air as Steven and Connie gasp in horror)

Me: NOOOOO!

Steven: (Jasper snatches Amethyst's gem) Come on! (Grabs Connie's arm and rushes toward Jasper)

Jasper: (Squeezing Amethyst's gem in her hand) Time to get rid of this embarrassment. (I roar in pure anger, then I instantaneously zoom towards Jasper, and repeatedly strike blows on her. She hits me back and and I got back up to fight her again)

Steven & Connie: Hyaaaa! Haaaaaah! (Screen flashes white and Stevonnie appears in midair in front of Jasper, then kicks her in the chest, causing her to stumble back and drop Amethyst's gem, which Stevonnie knocks in the air with their foot before landing and catching the gem)

Jasper: You fused!?

Stevonnie: (Looks down and notices that they've fused) Whoa! I- I did.

Jasper: (Enraged) You crystal gems would even fuse with a human!?

Stevonnie: (Irritated) I don't wanna hear anything you say... (holds up Amethyst's gem) unless it's "sorry". (Jasper charges Stevonnie with her helmet, but is easily blocked by Steven's shield. Lion then roars and sends the corrupted gem to the sand near Jasper)

Jasper: (As the gem gets up and tries to run away) Oh no you don't! (Grabs the gem by the tail and slams it into the ground. Lion then comes to Stevonnie's side)

Stevonnie: (Setting Amethyst's gem down on the sand behind me) Wait here, we'll protect you.

Me: Ready, gal pal?

Stevonnie: Ready when you are! (Stevonnie summons her shield and she and I jump on Lion's back)

Jasper: Head to head, just like I like it!

Stevonnie: Ready when you are! (Lion and the corrupted gem charge at each other. When the two meet, Stevonnie jumps in the air and throws the shield at Jasper, who catches it easily.)

Me: AAAAUGH! (I slam my axe down on Jasper's helmet, crushing Jasper into the corrupted gem with enough force to "poof" it) That's for Amethyst! (Behind us, Amethyst manages to regenerate her form with difficulty, but returns with a white shirt, black pants, and gray shoes that match the newly colored star pattern on her pants) Speak of the devil.

Amethyst: (Panicked) Steven! Connie! Marble! I'm back! Everything's gonna be fi- huh? (Sees Stevonnie standing over Jasper, who is on one knee, still reeling from the hit. Realizing what has happened, a look of disbelief crosses Amethyst's face.)

Jasper: (Enraged) Fusion! Fusion! It's always fusion!

Me: Never fused in my life and I can still whup your big butt.

Jasper: (Growls at me, then she backs into the ocean) This was just a warmup. Get ready for next time, Rose! Jaspers don't go soft! Jaspers don't give up! Jaspers keep going... until we get what we want. (Disappears beneath the water)

Stevonnie: Hm, I guess she lives in the ocean now.

Amethyst: (Walks up to Stevonnie and me) You guys... won?

Stevonnie: (Turns around and is happy to see Amethyst unharmed) Amethyst! (Splits apart)

Steven: You're back!

Connie: You're okay!

Amethyst: Uh, thank you guys! Heh...

Steven: (Excited) Did you see us?

Connie: (Excited) It was just like you said! You were in trouble and we just had to fight!

Steven: Everything we knew just came together!

Connie: We fused!

Steven: (Celebrating) We won! I can't wait to tell the others! (Both laughing, Steven and Connie run off toward the Temple with Lion following)

Me: I'm just glad you're okay. (Notices Amethyst had a somber expression on her face) You alright?

Amethyst: They didn't need me at all...

Me: Ah, it's fine. Jasper just roughed you up a bit. No big deal... (Amethyst stood silent)

[END]


	55. Year 3 - Steven vs Amethyst

**Year 3 - Steven vs Amethyst**

(Pearl and Garnet warp back to the Temple Home, worried.)

Pearl: Ugh, we're never going to find Jasper.

Steven: Pearl! Garnet! We found Jasper!

Pearl: What?!

Steven: We beat her! (Pearl hugs Steven and makes sure he's alright.)

Pearl: Oh my gosh! Are you alright? What happened?

Me: Jasper showed up so Steven and I kicked her butt.

Steven: Connie and I fused, Stevonnie got to ride Lion and we chased Jasper away!

Pearl: All your training! You did so well! (Steven laughs as Garnet pats Steven's head)

Garnet: We're so proud of you.

Pearl: Wait, where's Amethyst?

Me: Oh yeah, about that. She... wasn't so lucky with Jasper.

Amethyst: Yo. (Pearl and Garnet see Amethyst sitting on the couch by herself.)

Pearl: Amethyst?

Garnet: You reformed.

Amethyst: I'm fine.

We all know she's not. If you remembered from last time, Jasper told Amethyst how defective of a quarz soldier she is. Ever since then, she's dreaming if the day Jasper shows her ugly mug so Amethyst she can prove to her she's wrong.

[Trans. int. kitchen]

(Amethyst dropping eggs from a carton to the garbage disposal in the sink)

Pearl: I hope you're ready for your weekly training Steven.

Pearl: You've had one victory, but there are more fights to come now that Jasper's— (Garbage disposal sounds; she speaks louder) Now that Jasper— (Garbage disposal sounds.) JASPER'S BACK, let's work hard!

Steven: (Steven chuckles, then walks over to Amethyst) Hey, Amethyst.

Amethyst: Yo.

Steven: You wanna come watch me train?

Me: I'll watch ya, buddy.

Amethyst: Can't. (Drops another egg) I'm busy making egg salad.

Me: You sure you're doing that right.

Amethyst: What do you know? You never worked in the kitchen.

Steven: Come on, it'll be fun.

Me: Working in the kitchen?

Steven: No, training!

Amethyst: Mmm...

Steven: You'll get to see me earn Pearl Points.

Me: "Pearl Points"?

Amethyst: What are Pearl Points?

[Cut to the Battle Ruins.]

Pearl: I'm glad you asked! Pearl points are awarded for punctuality, perseverance, and positivity. (Amethyst chuckles) We may be smaller, weaker, and less gifted than our opponents but with these P's, we have the keys to success a-a-a-and to the Pearl prize pouch!

Amethyst: (Chuckles) Pa-mazing.

Pearl: Thank you.

Me: Pearl prize pouch, eh?

Steven: There's some p-great stuff in that pouch. Last week, I got these. (Steven pulls out a pair of eye-ball-attached-to-a-string glasses) I don't need glasses so it's funny.

Me: Novelty glasses? That's all you got?

Pearl: (Quietly speaks with Amethyst and me) Really, the positive enforcement has been doing wonders.

Me: Well, if you want "positive enforcement". You're gonna have to make your prizes a little "bigger".

Pearl: What do you mean?

Me: You know, the boy's a hero. He fought Jasper and has a sheild from his mother. The boy's more fitted for a trophy, wouldn't you say?

Steven: Ooh! I'd like a trophy.

Pearl: Marble, don't be ridiculous. Where are we going to find a trophy?

Me: Well, it just so happens that I have one right here. [holds up a trophy] And I think it has Steven's name written all over it.

Steven: [looks at the trophy] Really? 'Cause it says "Delmarva 5000 Grand Prix Champion: David Martinez".

Me: Uh, that's not important. Anyway! This trophy will be proudly handed to the person with the most Pearl Points!

Amethyst: I want in.

Steven: On the glasses?

Me: On the trophy?

Amethyst: On the training.

Pearl: [Gasp] Really? You, Amethyst?

Amethyst: Yeah, you know, for fun.

Steven: Alright!

Amethyst: Yeah yeah, you're welcome.

Me: [To Pearl] See, P? The bigger the prize, the bigger the motivation.

Pearl: Well then! Let the training begin.

[Scene switches to the battle area of the Ruins.]

Pearl: Your first task will be speed. (Steven stretches out, Amethyst yawns) To aid your training, (Pearl generates a Holo-gram) I'll be utilizing my holograms.

Holo-Pearl: Welcome to Holo-Pearl Version 2.000001.

Pearl: I've modified them to accommodate less... (Pearl looks distressed as if she remembers something tragic) lethal training.

Holo-Pearl: The sharpest weapon is the Mind. (Everyone nods except Amethyst.)

Pearl: The Holo-Pearl will serve as a check point at the edge of the arena. Mark your lap with a Holo-Pearl (Holo-Pearl picks up her hand and does the High-Five) High-Five.

Holo-Pearl: High-Five accepted!

Pearl: Two laps, two fives, one Pearl-Point to the winner.

Steven: Got it. (Steven salutes while leaning sideways.)

Amethyst: (Sarcastically) Yarp. (Pearl walks towards them.)

Pearl: Okay then. On your marks, ready, steady (Amethyst and Steven set themselves), GO! (Pearl points towards the sky as a mark for Start. Steven and Amethyst start running, while Amethyst holds the lead for sometime. Both High-Five Holo-Pearl at the same time.)

Holo-Pearl: High-Five accepted! (They race back, Amethyst holding the lead but Steven suddenly starts gaining speed and High-Fives Holo-Pearl hardly while Amethyst walks and slowly does it after submitting defeat.)

Steven: Gimme digits, Amethyst. (Amethyst walks away, leaving Steven to high-five himself)

Pearl: ONE POINT FOR STEVEN ALREADY! (quietly) good thinking Amethyst! Going easy on them will build their confidence!

Amethyst: Heh, what can I say, I'm a natural at going easy.

[cut]

Pearl: Your next test is agility – dodge the spears the best you can. (Holo-Pearls start shooting from their spears. Amethyst spin dashes to the side to dodge, Steven weaves around the blasts to dodge them and summons his shield to deflect one of them at a Holo-Pearl, destroying it)

Holo-Pearl: DEFEAT ACCEPTED.

Me: And the victor is Steven!

Steven: Victory, victory!

Pearl: Don't go too easy on him, he still needs a challenge.

[cut]

Pearl: (the arena is divided into two sides; Amethyst and Steven's has five Holo-Pearls) And now, for your final test, an all-out battle. This is the ultimate determination of your skills. Okay! Ready? GO!

Amethyst: Don't get me, you HOLO-PUNKS! (Amethyst summons two whips and furiously attacks one of the Holo-Pearls with them. Steven summons his shield to defend himself from the rest of Holo-Pearls. The Holo-Pearl Amethyst is fighting with is dodging all her hits) STOP—MOVING—SO—I CAN—WIN! (the whip finally wraps around it) Thanks. (Amethyst poofs it) (Holo-Pearls are stabbing at Steven's shield, he enlargens it and that throws Holo-Pearls into the air)

Steven: BOOMERANG SHIELD! (throws his shield; it hits and poofs all four Holo-Pearls)

Holo-Pearls: DEFEAT—DEFEAT—DEFEAT—ACCEPTED—ACCEPTED—ACCEPTED.

Steven: Victory accepted.

Pearl: Congratulations Steven, you earned the final point! (Steven's eyes find Amethyst and, at seeing how upset Amethyst is, his expression changes to deep concern)

Me: And now, you get the honors of owning this fabulous trophy! (Hands Steven the trophy)

Pearl: Erm.. You can also pick a prize from the Prize Pouch.

[Trans. int. Video game] (Steven plays a fighting game where he selects Lonely Blade as his character.)

Game's Narrator: Lonely Blade versus Out Going Fist! (Game screen switches to battle) Round 1, FIGHT!

Out Going Fist (T.V): Flyin- (Out Going Fist gets attacked suddenly by Boomerang Blades.)

Lonely Blade (T.V): Boomerang! Boomerang! Boomerang Blade! (Out Going falls and loses the game by an instant KO.)

Game's Narrator: KO!

Out Going Fist: Even my fists are dead. (Steven, while wearing a Jester hat presumably won as a prize, looks at Amethyst as she eats mayonnaise raw)

Steven: Hey, Amethyst. Do you wanna play Lonely Blade with me? (Steven holds up the controller) I warmed up the controller for you.

Amethyst: (Finishes the Mayo and sighs) yeah, alright. (Amethyst scrolls through the character selection menu.)

Steven: There's a new costume for Lonely Blade, blue Lonely Blade. You should play as him.

Amethyst: What evy. (Selects Blue Lonely Blade as her player and commences battle.)

Game's Narrator: Lonely Blade versus Lonely Blade!

Lonely Blade (T.V): My blade's the best in all the land.

Game's Narrator: Round 1. Fight!

Blue Lonely Blade (T.V): Boomerang Blade! (Amethyst lands a strike.)

Red Lonely Blade (T.V): Boomerang Blade! (Blue Lonely Blade dodges the blade.)

Steven Huh. Tough. Were those bars always there?

Amethyst The Health Bars? Yeah.

Steven Right, right...

Blue Lonely Blade (T.V): (Super fast) BMRNG! BMRNG! BMRNG!

Steven: Ah. You're doing so well. I've been trying to master that combo for months. You got it on one try.

Amethyst: Hmmm... (Amethyst taps her controller fast and Steven does it slowly, she eventually figures out what's going on.)

Steven: Oh man, there's no way I could beat you.

Blue Lonely Blade (T.V): 1 thousand Mirror Blade! HYA!

Game's Narrator: KO!

Blue Lonely Blade (T.V): My blade's the loneliest after all.

[Game over.]

Steven: That was crazy good, Amethyst. Nice job. (Amethyst looks displeased.)

Amethyst: Knock it off Steven. I know you let me win. (Throws the controller aside. I enter)

Me: Hey guys, what's going on?

Steven: (Starts sweating) Wha? Me? No I-pfff, noo... (Amethyst turns off the T.V.)

Amethyst: You weren't even trying.

Steven: I'm sorry. I just wanted you to feel better.

Amethyst: Great, and now you're even more mature than me.

Amethyst: You're suppose to be the rookie but now you're better than me in everything! [Sighs] Now I'm the worst Crystal Gem.

Steven: Wha-What?

Amethyst: Ack! You know what I mean, Steven.

Steven: Uhh, not really! I thought you guys wanted me to be strong. A-and now I am and you're mad at me?

Amethyst: No! I get mad at myself! That's, ugh, the thing I do. I get mad at myself and then it makes me suck at everything I do even more.

Me: Are you even hearing yourself? Listen, kid. You can't get mad at yourself you're whole life. Take it from me, you gotta take this one day at a t-

Amethyst: Stay out of this!

Steven: [Sighs] Amethyst, what Marble's trying to say is, you don't suck. You do so many cool things. You have two whips, two whips! And the Dash thing?! Amethyst, you're so much better than me!

Amethyst No way. You have Rose's Shield, and Bubble, and the floating thing, and ugh, I'd just be floating all day!

Steven: Floating? I forget to use that half the time, and the rest of the time my powers aren't guaranteed to work. I'm... I'm way worse than you!

Amethyst: (Crosses her arms) Nah-Uh! I'm the worst!

Steven No way, I am! I'll prove it, I'll-I'll fight you and show you how bad I am.

Me: Um. I can see this is a bad time so... (tries to leave but Amethyst grabs me by the wrist)

Amethyst: Fine! Let's do it!

Steven and Amethyst: Let the worst gem, lose!

Me: Oh Marble, what have you got yourself into...

[Cut to Battle Ground Ruins.]

Me: Okay, let's be clear on the rules: No going easy, got it?

Amethyst: Get ready, I'm about to lose big time!

Steven: No way. I'm gonna get clobbered so bad I won't know what hit me.

Amethyst: No holding back? (Amethyst ties her hair up as I take a picture with my phone.)

Steven: No holding back!

Amethyst: Grrr! (Summons her whip) Gwaahhh! (Spin Dashes towards Steven, misses but comes around by the seating.)

Me: Amethyst opens up with a spin dash, she charges at Steven... (Steven dodges Amethyst's Spin Dash but ends up tied.) Oh! He's all tangled up! Smart move by Amethyst, not so smart for Steven! (Amethyst quickly tightens the whip causing Steven to fall.)

Steven: Whoa! I did not see that coming! That was amazing.

Amethyst No, it's not! I don't do anything amazing. (Forces energy though her whip.)

Me: Looks like Amethyst is coming for the final blow...

Steven: Nnnnaaa! (Quickly bubbles himself in order to tear the whip.)

Me: But Steven brings out his bubble defense!

Amethyst: You're the one who's amazing. (Summons two whips and holds the bubble)

Me: She ties up Steven's bubble and now she's bringin' it around town! (Amethyst moves the bubble around in an orbit and smashes it through a pillar.)

Steven: Whaa! (Amethyst swings the bubble toward a second pillar. Steven braces for impact and suddenly adds spikes to his bubble, which lodges in the pillar.) Ahhh...

Me: Ooh, spikes! That's a new one!

Amethyst: What?! Is that new? [Exhales sharply] Because it's awesome!

Steven: No! It was an accident. Accidents are not awesome!

Amethyst: Sure, right.

Me: Amethyst pulls the bubble out! Steven readies a downward kick!

Steven: (Steven comes towards Amethyst while holding out his leg to land on her.) Haaaaa! (Crashes on Amethyst before rolling away. The pillar starts to fall on her. Steven throws his shield cutting the pillar in half.)

Amethyst: What? Don't save m- (The shield hits her head while returning.)

Me: OH! Epic boomerang bonk!

Amethyst: Whoa. Ughhh. That was great.

Steven: You think that was on purpose? (Amethyst shape shifts into Purple Puma and charges for Steven.)

Me: The Purple Puma pounces in on Steven... (She breaks the floor while Steven starts floating away.) But the prey is more alert than the predator!

Steven: Guess who remembered to floa- whoaa.. (Steven collides with a pillar and starts drifting away. Amethyst shape shifts back and catches Steven with her whip, and they both sigh. Amethyst pulls Steven down slamming him into the ground and making a gigantic crater on the Ruins.)

Me: WOW! Talk about luring him into a false sense of security!

Steven: Gwahh! (Bursts out of the rubble launching a large piece of debris which nearly lands on Amethyst, who moves away, surprised.)

Amethyst: See?! I dropped you from the sky but you almost just won by using a rock! Huh! If I can't beat you I'm never gonna beat Jasper!

Steven: You...you can totally beat me. You're not even trying.

Amethyst: (Lifting the rock) I am too! Eeyaarh!

Steven: (Panting. He tries to lift some cracked parts of the arena but falls) Aaah! Uuugh.

Amethyst: (Holding the rock and tries to throw it at Steven but it slips) Haaargh!

Steven: I think we're both too good to be bad fighters.

Amethyst: That's what you think.

Steven: What does that even mean?

Amethyst I don't even know. (They run at each other, both about to punch. They both miss and fall to the ground.) Huh. Hahahah! (Starts to laugh)

Steven: Hahahah...what's wrong with us? (Starts laughing with Amethyst)

Amethyst: Hah... well, I know what's wrong with me. I'm not supposed to be small, and everyone's always acting like there's no problem. "You can be anything you want to be." No! I can't. Huh... I can't even be the one thing I'm supposed to be, you know?

Steven: Of course I do. I'm not Rose Quartz.

Amethyst: (realizes her mistake and facepalms) Oh no... oh Steven!

Steven: Why do you think I've been working so hard?

Amethyst: Well... it's paying off.

Steven: Ahahahah, I sure hope so. (Steven gets up and offers his hand to Amethyst. She swings her arm but misses his hand.)

Amethyst: Eh... (Amethyst laughs while she tries to grab Steven's hand again.) Uh...(She manages to grab his hand) Ah! (Amethyst stands and laughs with Steven.) Thanks Steven. (I walk over to them)

Me: So, who won? Or lost? I kinda lost track.

Pearl: Aaaargh! What did you two do?! You've ruined the ruins!

Me: Later! (dashes off)

Amethyst: Whoooops.

Steven: I don't think we're gonna see the prize pouch for a while.

[Star iris closes on Steven]

[END]


	56. Year 3 - Bismuth (Part 1)

**Year 3 - Bismuth (Part 1)**

Pearl: Oh my goodness!

Amethyst: Go for it, bro!

Garnet: This is your last chance.

Me: You can do it, Steven! (Steven is playing video games.)

All: Awh!

Steven: Dying a bunch in video games is emotionally exhausting.

Me: You can say that again. (All look toward Lion, who is chewing up one of Steven's shirts.)

Steven: Lion! (Steven tries to pull the shirt from Lion's mouth.) Drop it! (Steven pulls the shirt from Lion, and falls on his back. He raises it and looks at it.) Lion, you can't chew this up. (Steven looks at the shirt, revealing that it says "Thunder Bird - Always Remember".) How else am I going to remember the time I rode the Thunder Bird at Funland? (Steven puts the shirt on his dresser)

(Steven puts the shirt on his dresser and begins to walk back to his Dolphin game console.)

Steven: Okay, I'm sure this time... (Steven turns to face Lion, who has again grabbed Steven's shirt.) Lion! (Lion jumps down from the top level, heading for the door as Steven jumps down to block him from leaving.) Don't even think about it! (Steven grabs the shirt and pulls it away from Lion again.)Since you can't play nice, I'm gonna have to put this where you can't get it: (in a teasing voice) In ya mane! (Lion lays down and closes his eyes.) Thank you, boo.

Steven goes in Lion's mane, and came out with something that will change the crystal gems for a 22 minute special.

(Me and Amethyst are playing video games)

Amethyst: I'm gonna beat ya' Marbs!

Me: Jump you stupid hedgehog jump! (Steven emerges from Lion's mane and lands on his back with his eyes shut. We all turn around to look at Steven.)

Pearl: What? (Amethyst looks back toward the game screen, displaying PLAYER 2 WINS.)

Me: Yuss! (fist pumped)

Amethyst: Aw man.

Steven: Hold on, I can fix it! (Steven leaps back into Lion's mane as he chews on one of Steven's shirts.) (Back inside Lion's mane, Steven reaches for the gem, and becomes surprised when it begins to reform, which quickly turns to fear.) (The Gem reforms, landing on her knees and stumbling up and back before taking a frightened expression and a fighting stance.) (The Gem looks around, confused, before spotting Steven and staring at him.)

(Cut to Steven exiting Lion's mane, breathing heavily for air. All the Gems are standing near Steven.)

Me: Well, what was it?

Steven: There's a Gem inside of Lion's mane! (Peal looks toward Garnet questioningly.)

Pearl: A Gem? (Garnet looks toward Pearl)

Me: You're kiddin'.

Garnet: Describe her.

Steven: Uhh... hang on a sec. (Steven dives back into Lion's mane and ducks back seconds later) She's big!

Me: Wow, vibrant description. (Steven returns to Lion's mane, then comes back)

Steven: With rainbow hair and tattoos!

Pearl: Rainbow hair...? (Garnet and Pearl lean forward.) What does her gem look like?

Steven: It's... an innie?

Me: An innie? But gems don't have bellybuttons. Or do they?

Pearl: It can't be...

Me: I know you think it's crazy, Pearl. But think about it.

Garnet: Steven, bring her out. (Steven's expression of shock turns to one of determination.)

Steven: Okay.

Steven dove into Lion's mane one last time and he brought out that mystery gem, and everyone was shocked to see her. Especially Garnet and Pearl, you can tell by Pearl's tears that they've got some history.

(The camera switches to a view of Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. Garnet has a slack-jawed expression of disbelief and Pearl is covering her mouth while crying.)

?: Pearl... Garnet...

Me: Oh, so you know each other.

Pearl: (overjoyed, runs toward the gem and hugs her) Bismuth! Ahahahaha! You're back! (Steven and Lion look at each other, confused.)

Bismuth: Woah! Hehehehe! The Pearl I know never jumps into my arms! Hey, did somebody lose a Pearl? Who do you belong to?

Pearl: Nobody!

Bismuth: Haha!

Garnet: Alright, alright, settle down.

Bismuth: Oh, you're one to talk- oh, oh, excuse me, you're two to talk. (Garnet scoffs, casually summoning a gauntlet and punches Bismuth playfully in the arm.) Hey, cool it, your Ruby is showing.

Pearl: Where have you been? We thought you'd been captured! Or worse, shattered.

Bismuth: Shatter me? Pshh, Homeworld couldn't lay a scratch on this Gem.

Amethyst: Ahem! Who is this? (Garnet smiles and leans on Bismuth's shoulder.)

Garnet: Guys, this is Bismuth. She's one of the original Crystal Gems.

Bismuth: Oh, hey! New recruits! Welcome aboard, we could always use more Amethysts. (I walk towards Bismuth)

Me: (Clears throat) Hi. I don't think we met. I'm Ma- (Bismuth pins me to the ground) ACK!

Bismuth: I know who you are, Homeworld's muscle!

Me: What?! No! You got it all wrong!

Bismuth: Don't try to talk your way out of this, super soldier! (Morphs her left hand into a stake) I won't let you shatter any more gems, do you hear me!? (Pearl stops her)

Pearl: Bismuth, wait! It's not what you think! She's with us.

Bismuth: What? Why would you guys recruit one of the Diamonds' lackeys? (Lets go of me)

Me: I ain't no lackey, sister. I don't serve the Diamonds anymore.

Garnet: It's true. She a traitor to the Homeworld elite. When we found her, she was determined to escape her Diamond's tyrranny.

Bismuth: (To me) So, you're not with the Diamonds?

Me: Nope. I hate homeworld as much as apparrently you.

Bismuth: (glares at me) Alright. But I'll be watching you in case you do try anything funny. (Looks at Steven) Now, who is this meatball?

Steven: Hi, I'm Steven! Y-you were in my lion and now you're in my house. (Bismuth leans down to shake Steven's hand.)

Bismuth: Well, thanks for having me!

Pearl: I can't believe it! Rose said she lost track of you at the battle for the Ziggurat! She was worried sick! (Bismuth's smile turns into an expression of worry.)

Bismuth: Wait, where is Rose?

Me: Funny story behind that.

Steven: Hi, um... actually, I'm Rose's son. She kinda turned into me... well, I have her gem, the rest is from my dad. (lifts up his shirt to show his gem)

Bismuth: Ohh... There she is. You... do you know me?

Steven: No, I'm so sorry.

Pearl: It's not always easy to understand Rose's choices... but we have to stand behind them.

Bismuth: Rose really is something else. (Steven looks at Bismuth not knowing what to say.) I mean... Look at this! She really is somethin' else! (Bismuth laughs while putting her hand on Garnet's shoulder.) Wow! Everything's changin'! And we're buildin' bases out of wood now?! (Bismuth tears a piece of wood from the floor.) Hmph! Who's terrible idea was this? And where is everybody else?

Steven: Everybody else?

Bismuth: Yeah, the rest of the Crystal Gems! Old Crazy Lace, Biggs, Snowflake? (Steven and the Gems give each other worried looks.)

Me: Um, Bismuth was it? We don't know how to break this to ya, but... (Steven and the rest of the Crystal Gems warp to the Gem Battlefield)

Bismuth *Gasp* No! No way! We were just here! How long was I out?

Pearl: It's been about 5,300 years. We, the Crystal Gems, were able to save the Earth...

Bismuth: But we're all that's left of The Rebellion huh? (Pearl begins to cry, then Bismuth starts to cry) Oh, come on Pearl. You know I can't take it when you cry like that!

Pearl: [Sniffles] I'm sorry.

Bismuth: No. No need to apologize.

Garnet: Homeworld's final attack on Earth wiped out all of the Crystal Gems.

Pearl: Rose was able to protect Garnet and myself, and by the looks of it, she was able to protect you as well.

Bismuth: *Grunts as she lifts up an axe* I knew those Homeworld elites were twisted. How many of us did they shatter?! Crazy Lace, Biggs, Snowflake?! If I was there, I-I could've stopped it!

Garnet: It's not like they've stopped trying.

Bismuth What's that?

Garnet: Homeworld still has its eyes on this planet.

Pearl: We continue to thwart their plans over and over.

Steven: But they just keep coming back!

Amethyst: Yup. They want us bad.

Me: Mostly me.

Bismuth Good. I thought I wouldn't get another chance to show those upper crusts who's boss! Let's show 'em what happens when you mess with the Crystal Gems! (chops the ground as she roars)

Steven: Yeah.

Garnet: Bismuth, the Gems on Homeworld outnumber us by a huge amount.

Pearl: And their technology far surpasses anything we have available on Earth.

Bismuth: (Bismuth laughs as she wraps both her arms around Garnet and Pearl) What else is new? Garnet, remember when you and I took on a battalion of Quartz soldiers? We walked out with our stones shining brighter than when we walked in.

Garnet: As I recall, it was three battalions.

Bismuth: And, Pearl, remember when we stopped that drop ship? I'll never forget the look on that Nephrite's face when you pulled her out of the cockpit!

Pearl: [Laughs] I know. How embarrassing for her.

Bismuth: Ha-ha! So let's pick up where we left off! To the forge!

Steven: Yay! To the forge!

Amethyst: Yo, what's a forge?

[Scene changes to a volcanic like land.]

Bismuth: That brings back memories, huh?

Steven: Is this the forge?

Bismuth: [Chuckling] Not yet. Follow me.

Steven: Is this the forge?

Amethyst: Ugh. Don't ask me. I've never been here before.

Pearl: Well, since Bismuth was gone, we've had no reason to come back here.

Me: So what's so special about this forge anyway?

Bismuth: Let's just say this place ain't the same without me.

Steven: What does that mean? Amethyst! What do think you that means?

Amethyst: I don't know, dude. The majority of us have never even seen this Gem before today.

Bismuth: We took a huge blow from Homeworld. But, now, we're back in Bismuth.

Steven: [Laughing] She's got jokes!

Me: Yeah, I don't get it.

Steven: Is this the forge?

Pearl: Not quite. (Bismuth's gem glows, and the ground resonates as the box opens up to an entrance similar in appearance to Bismuth's gemstone)

Bismuth: Ta-da!

Steven: Now, that's an entrance.

Pearl: Bravo, Bismuth! (The Gems enter the Forge, a room seemingly full of weapons. I gasp in awe) Aaaah! Bismuth.

Steven: Whoa!

Me: This place has bigger weapons than my room! I... I don't know what to say!

Steven: It feels like an oven in here.

Bismuth: You think it's hot now?

Steven: Yeah, like an oven.

Bismuth: (Laughs) Well, it's... (shapeshifts her fist into a hammer) about to get WAY hotter! (pounds a stone, opening a passage to let lava fall onto Bismuth.)

Me: WOAH! (the lava flows throughout the room, causing the lighting to change)

Steven: Ah, cool!

Bismuth: (walks out of the lava and stretches) Ooh. Hah! Nothing like a hot lava bath to get into a working mood.

Me: Hot!? You just took a lava shower and you didn't burn to death!

Bismuth: Please! I've met hotter lava. If you're a huge gem like me, you can withstand any intense temperature.

Me: I have much to learn from you, master.

Bismuth: Heh! Look at me! I got my very own Marble.

Steven: Uh, what, exactly, do you do here?

Bismuth: Homeworld used us Bismuths to erect spires and temples for the Gem elites... (puts her fist into the lava) to enjoy. (puts the hot metal down on an anvil-like platform) But Rose taught me that my life was my own... (pounds the metal with her hammer hands) that I could choose to do whatever I wanted. (dips a metal blade into some lava, setting it on fire) So I chose this. [Blows]

Steven: Bismuth, you make... (the metal turns out to be a sword) weapons?!

Bismuth: That's right!

Me: So, you're like a gem blacksmith? That's cool.

Bismuth: Yeah it is! I outfitted the entire Rebellion. Every material weapon used by the Crystal Gems was made right here in this forge. Wait. Is it still here? (looks into a box) Aha! Yes! Here. (gives some weapons similar to brass knuckles for Garnet's gauntlets) Something to pack a little extra punch. (gives an accessory to make Pearl's spear a trident) And why don't you try a trident? (To me) And you, you're axe looks like it could use an upgrade. (Gives me a double bladed axe with spike tips. I started to well up with tears of joy at the sight of it) What's the matter, don't like it?

Me: Yes! Yes i do! *sniffs* This is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen! (takes the axe and starts swing it around)

Pearl: Oh, Bismuth, you shouldn't have.

Bismuth: It's no big deal. I was working on them since before... Well, may as well give them to you now.

Garnet: It was worth the wait.

Bismuth: Hey, it's a pleasure doing Bismuth with you.

Steven *laughs* Bismuth is so funny.

Amethyst: I don't know. Same joke twice?

Steven: Well, it'll be really funny if she does it a third time.

Amethyst: Rights. Sorry, I - I don't know. I mean, she's one of the original Crystal Gems and no one ever mentioned her to me, not even Rose? Don't you think that's a little bit, uh... suspicious?

Steven: I guess that is a little strange.

Bismuth: Hey, deep cut, don't think I forgot about you. What you packin'?

Amethyst: Oh... (summons her whip) this old thing?

Bismuth: (gets a closer look) Oh, wow.

Amethyst: What is it?

Bismuth: Well... Not every Quartz can make a whip like this. You mind if I take a look?

Amethyst: Knock yourself out.

Bismuth; Hold on! I've got an idea. (Bismuth walks away and returns momentarily with Amethyst's whip) Here. With this, you can really do some damage. (Amethyst's whip is now a cat-o-nine-tails with protruding spikes)

Amethyst: [Gasping] Aw, yeah, baby. [Amethyst uses her upgraded whip] Bismuth's the best!

Me: (to Bismuth) You, my friend, have talent! We could use someone like you on our team. Whaddya say?

Bismuth: It would be an honor to once again fight alongside the gems! (We all cheered, sans Steven)

Me: Alright! Now, how good are you with explosives?

Bismuth: Explosives? You mean cannons?

Me: This is the start of beautiful relationship.

[TO BE CONTINUED]


	57. Year 3 - Bismuth (Part 2)

**Year 3 - Bismuth (Part 2)**

Ever since Bismuth came into our lives, things have never looked better for us. And as for me, I'm learning stuff I never knew about myself, like how I can pass through molten lava like a swimming pool! But unfortunately, by the end of the day, all these good things will come to an end...

[Ext. Beach House]

Bismuth: (Steven is watching the rest of us train) Homeworld treats us like dirt because we don't shine like the elites. But the Crystal Gems are back and we'll give those Diamonds another taste of what's coming! (shapeshifts her hands into hammers and pounds them together) Now, show me what you got, soldiers. Ladies first!

Garnet: (dashes towards Bismuth) Huh!

Bismuth: (blocks Ganret's punches) Unh! I think the power couple's losin' their spark. (punches garnet to the ground)

Steven: Hmm.

Me: Surprise axe attack. (I sneak attacked Bismuth from behind but she deflected it with her hammer hands)

Bismuth: You call that a sneak attack.

Me: No, I call that a distraction! (I kick Bismuth in the face)

Bismuth: Woah! I like the way you think, Marble! Who's next? (Pearl drops in)

Pearl: Ha ha-a-a! (lands on Bismuth's hammer hand)

Bismuth: Pearl, I don't recall asking you to bring me a spear. Uhh! (throws Pearl in the air)

Pearl: You won't like how I give it to you. (blasts lasers from her spear)

Bismuth: Ah! Lasers? When did that happen? (Amethyst wraps her whip around Bismuth's leg) Wha...?!

Amethyst Haha! *shapeshifts into Purple Puma* I'm gonna wreck your Bismuth! (throws Bismuth onto the beach)

Bismuth [Laughs] Very creative.

Amethyst: Yeah, (Shapeshifts back into herself) I guess I am pretty great.

Bismuth: That's right! *fist-bumps Garnet* We are powerful. We are important. We! are! the Crystal Ge-e-e-e-e-ms! *breaks a rock* Steven, come down and show me what you're made of!

Steven: Uh, I would, but this is a little intense for me. (Bismuth shapeshifts her hands back into their original state while Garnet, Pearl, and I go to her and she puts an hand on each of them)

Bismuth: But it's a ritual for us Crystal Gems to spar before battle.

Steven: Well, actually, I have some rituals I like a little better.

Bismuth: Oh, yeah? Let me see 'em.

[Trans. to the Crystal Gems playing cards in Steven's room]

(Amethyst shapeshifts to look at Steven's cards. Garnet puts down all her cards and wins.)

Amethyst: Wha...?

Bismuth: Hahahaha!

[Trans. to Steven using a rolling pin to flatten dough]

(Bismuth is looking at him then shapeshifts her hand into a rolling pin.)

(She pulls a pizza out of the oven.)

[Trans. to the Crystal Gems watching a Lonely Blade movie]

(Bismuth, Steven, and I are eating a slice of pizza.)

Lonely Blade: The powerful, legendary demon blade, possessed by Muramasa. With this demon blade, I will be the most powerful fighter in all the world!

Steven: No, Lonely Blade! Don't use it!

Bismuth: What? If that thing's got infinite power, then, of course Lonely Blade should use it. It just makes sense.

Pearl: It doesn't have to make sense. It's entertainment.

Me: And also ultimate power goes straight into your head and blackens your heart. It's common in these kind of stories. Especially on TV shows.

Lonely Blade: Infinite... powe-e-e-e-r!

[Trans. to Bismuth's forge]

BIsmuth: So what do you got for me, Marble?

Me: Okay, so. Last I remember, you said we large gems can withstand intense heats right?

Bismuth: Yeah, and last time I remember you said you wanted to have your very own lava bath.

Me: That's why I made this! [shows Bismuth a metal-like hot tub filled with molten magma]

Bismuth: You made that? You are quite the innovative quartz!

Me: I was hoping you and I would have some time to chill even though were lounging in a pool of lava. Ironic, ain't it?

(We both walked into the lava hot tub i dipped my toe in there and it suprisingly felt more like warm water as I went in)

Bismuth: Man, that feels good.

Me: Literally melts off your stress, doesn't it. [sighs] You know, somethin' Bis? Up until you came out of that lion's mane I'm learning more and more things about me, like I can bathe in lava and still live!

Bismuth: [chuckles] Yeah, well don't think just because I like you doesn't mean I trust ya. All I know, you're doin' undercover work for your Diamond!

Me: Oy! Enough with the diamonds already! Just because I'm the most powerful quartz soldier for homeworld, everyone up there wants a piece of me. Wanting me to join the darkside. But, honestly that's not the way I want to spend the rest of my life. Rose always said I could choose my own fate, decide who I wanted to be. In a nutshell, I chose to be here, on earth, where I can be myself and not a servant to some dumb diamond.

Bismuth: Wow. You really are done with Homeworld, aren't ya?

Me: Yep. That's the way I see it. And that's the way Rose wanted me to be.

Bismuth: Rose always knows what to say. She must've been really straight with you. [I sigh] Welp, It's gettin' late. Better turn in for the night. [Gets off the lava hot tub] You comin'?

Me: Eh, you go. I'll catch up.

Bismuth: Okay. Good talk. [Leaves]

Out of all the gems Bismuth bonded today. She and I got really close, not just friend close but Lapis close. I've felt like I had someone to talk my past to. Someone who knew how I felt. No denying, Bismuth was a bigger package than Garnet ever was. We were all hoping she would stay with us forever, but like I said earlier: It was too good to last. Especially after Steven and Bismuth's little episode...

[Trans. to Steven's house later at night]

(Me and the rest of the gems were in Steven's room. Just then Steven warped in with Bismuth's gem bubbled)

Pearl: Steven!

Amethyst: Oh, hey, dude.

Me: Where's Bismuth?

(Steven limps a little and Pearl notices Steven's injuries and his bubble.)

Pearl: Oh!

Amethyst: What?!

Me: WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Steven: There's something I need to tell you.

[Trans. to the Burning Room.]

(The Crystal Gems are mourning the loss of Bismuth, Garnet places her bubbled gem with the Corrupted Gems, and Steven is seen standing outside on the balcony, the Gems and walk up to him and comfort him while I stood on by the staircase)

Me: I can't believe it... She's gone. (Steven walks up to me) What?

Steven: Bismuth wanted me to give you this. (Holds out a note and I take it and heard Bismuth's voice while I read it)

 _ **Dear Marble, when I first met you I thought you were a hit woman sent to finish the job. But we really connected today and you taught me that even Homeworlders like you can change. Rose was really wise with you. So even though I won't be around, never forget who you are.**_

 _ **\- Bismuth**_

(I smile and shedded a tear. Then I looked at Steven and we both hug)

Me: [whispers] I wont, Bismuth...

[Episode ends with a view of the starry night sky]


	58. Year 3 - Beta

**Year 3 - Beta**

We were going over to Lapis and Peridot's today. Figuring some time at the barn was just what Amethyst needed since she's still griping about what Jasper said to her last time they met.

Amethyst: Okay, guys, check this out. (Amethyst cracks her whip) Did you see that? Wa-poosh, just wa-poosh!

Steven: That's great, Amethyst. You're getting so fast.

Amethyst: No! This is worse! This morning it was like wshh! Just wshh! Superfast, like wshh wshh!

Me: Don't tell me your still gripin' about Jasper are you. C'mon, past is past. Besides I'm sure Jasper forgot all about it wherever she is, and so should you.

Steven: Uh-huh. I think this is why a day off would be good for you. You should take a break from obsessing over Jasper. (Amethyst begrudgingly desummons her whip)

Amethyst: (sighing) Are you sure we have to do this now?

Steven: Yes! Visiting Peridot and Lapis will be so much fun!

Amethyst: Yeah, 'cause when I think fun, I think "Lapis".

Steven: I wonder what they're up to.

Amethyst: Maybe they drove each other crazy and burned the barn down. (we all stop walking, having reached the barn)

Steven: Woah... (The camera pans toward the barn, revealing that it has been heavily modified with some modifications including a truck placed into the ceiling, a large silo now coming out of the side of the barn, and a small tent next to it with a green Canadian flag) They sure did something to the barn.

Me: Question is: what?

(The camera cuts to a TV that's showing a scene from "Camp Pining Hearts")

Percy: But Paulette, I need you! (The camera gives a view of Lapis and Peridot watching the show)

Peridot: Oh, get over it, Percy. Go make another friendship bracelet.

Lapis: Seriously.

Steven: (offscreen) Lapis! (The camera pans down to show Steven and Amethyst looking up toward Peridot and Lapis, and they both smile as Peridot crawls down the back and Lapis floats down with her wings)

Lapis: Steven! Marble! It's so good to see you guys again!

Steven: You too, Lapis!

Me: I've see you've been busy around here. How's the space nacho? Keeping her in line? (Lapis giggles)

Peridot: Very funny... (Notices Amethyst) Amethyst! Something looks different about you...

Amethyst: Like what?

Peridot: Have you grown taller since the last time I saw you?

Amethyst: Nope, still short.

Peridot: (laughing) You're welcome! For the joke.

Steven: Wow, you guys are looking good! And I love what you did to the barn!

Me: I'm surprised you didn't burned it to the ground yet.

Peridot: Awh, I know. But wait, wait! You guys have to see the inside! Lapis, fly us in!

Lapis: No...

(The camera is toward the top of the barn, showing all of us as we enter)

Peridot: Welcome to our home away from Homeworld! (Steven and run over to one of the walls, showing that it has been crudely converted into an aquarium.)

Steven: Woah, you made the wall an aquarium! (Steven is slightly scared by the alien plushie that Peridot won in a previous episode as it floats into frame inside the aquarium as the tie has been ripped off.) Eugh!

Amethyst: (Amethyst is rolling a vacuum filled with fish and water back and forth casually with her foot) You did all this stuff on purpose? Like, you didn't just knock over a bunch of paint cans and go, "Eh, just leave it."

Peridot: Oh no, this was all very intentional. You see, I have this idea: What if we made music, but instead of sounds, we use things?

Amethyst: That's dumb.

Steven: Guys, that's art!

Peridot: Art? That sounds ridiculous!

Lapis: I've been calling it meep morp.

Me: Makes more sense than most modern art.

Peridot: Let us show you our... morps. (Peridot walks over to a table with several cassettes, along with her broken recorder with a blue ribbon placed on it.) This piece is called 'Wow, thanks.'

Me: Isn't that the tape recorder from the "Barn Mates" episode?

Peridot: Yes, but now it represents the struggles of intercommunication. The tape is the ribbon that binds our experience on Earth together. It has no functional purpose! It just makes me feel bad!

(The camera pans to Lapis, who is gesturing toward a baseball mitt, a baseball bat, and a baseball, all of which are tethered by string to a stick, which is in turned tethered to something above it off screen.)

Lapis: Well, here's my meep morp. This is a baseball bat. It reminds me of when I played baseball. (Lapis walks backwards, now gesturing toward a leaf sitting on a rock) This is the leaf Steven gave me.

Me: Oh, is that to remind you of the time me and Steven flew you around the world in a magical tour to help you find a new home?

Lapis: No. It reminds me of the time... Steven gave me a leaf.

Steven: Hey, yeah! It reminds me of that too! (Steven and Lapis turn toward a TV on a stand with two mirrors sticking out of it, looping a scene from "Camp Pining Hearts")

Percy: I just feel trapped. (loops) I just feel trapped.

Steven: (with a worried expression) Is this one about... the thousands of years you spent trapped in a mirror?

Lapis: No, I just really like that show.

Peridot: Oh, Amethyst! Marble! You'll love this one! (The shot cuts towards 3 toilets crudely placed in a semicircle, with one in the back facing forward and slightly lifted) Check it out!

Amethyst: They're... toilets?

Peridot Right! Ahahahaha! (while laughing) What will I think of next? This represents the time I spent imprisoned in your bathroom, Steven. (Steven just stands there with an awkward expression) I call it 'Occupied.' It's a collaborative piece. Just watch. (Peridot gives Lapis a thumbs-up before she does the same, as Lapis then proceeds to make a water spout from all four toilets, making the two on the sides wave back and forth. The performance made me broke out in tears of joy)

Me: *sniffs* It's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen in my life! (wipes a tear)

Steven: It's amazing!

Amethyst: I don't get it.

Steven: What's there to get? It's water! Shooting out of toilets!

Amethyst: I can see that at home.

Me: Really? You can see water spouting from a toilet back at the temple? I think not.

Peridot: Alright, I see you're not impressed.

Me: Forgive my friend here, Peri. She's usually more in a good mood.

Peridot: I can understand that, but this - hold on. (Peridot begins to rummage through a corner of the barn, grabbing things) This, this is what we've all been waiting for! With the power of my metal abilities I will impress the shirts right off of you! (The camera centers on Peridot, who is levitating 2 drums, 2 cymbals, a saxophone, a recorder, a triangle, and a tambourine, while holding two drumsticks and having a harmonica placed around her neck) Ta-da! It's a one-Gem metal band! One, a two, a three and - (Peridot inhales before blowing into the harmonica, causing her to lose control of every other instrument as they fly in various directions, crashing on the ground; Peridot casually tosses the drumsticks onto the ground) Well, that's as far as I've practiced that! (Lapis and Steven laugh as he nudges Amethyst in the shoulder)

Lapis: (walks up to Peridot and places a hand on her shoulder) Why don't you try one thing at a time?

Peridot: Because we have guests, Lapis! Guests who must be impressed!

Lapis: Hmm... (Lapis picks up the tambourine and casually shakes it) We can try it together!

Peridot: Yeah! (Peridot levitates a triangle and dings it once, then we all sit down and watch them perform)

Steven: Isn't this great?

Amethyst: Pff. No.

Me: Come on, Amethyst! I remember a time where you used to party all night make fun of Pearl's pointy nose all day. Whatever happened to that Amethyst?

Steven: Yeah. Look at all this cool stuff they're doing! (The shot focuses on Peridot and Lapis as they randomly hit the triangle and shake the tambourine, without any beat or reason)

Amethyst: This is all nothing! They've been out here playing with garbage!

Steven: But you love playing with garbage...

Amethyst: Not anymore! Who has time for any of that when Jasper is out there! (Peridot and Lapis freeze and the triangle falls to the floor)

Peridot: Uh, Amethyst? I uh, try not to use the J-word so loosely around here.

Amethyst: (sigh) I'm going to go do something useful. (Amethyst gets up and walks out the barn)

Me: Amethyst, wait! (I got up and followed her outside and found her by the pool whipping empty cans off a pipe)

Amethyst: Leave me alone...

Me: *sighs* Amethyst... When are you going to get over this obesssion? Ever since you and Jasper tussled, you've been hanging on to every word she said to you. So what if she said you were supposed to turn out like her. So was I. Yet you don't see me moping about it do you? (Amethyst said nothing and continued to whip cans, I sigh)

(Just then, Peridot comes out of the right side of the shot, grabbing Amethyst's arm)

Peridot: Amethyst, Ams, Big A! You are way better than Jasper!

Amethyst: What? Oh... (The shot pulls back, showing Steven from the left)

Steven: I uh...

Peridot: What are you even doing comparing yourself to her? (Peridot begins to swivel a can nearby with her abilities) Oh Amethyst, that's ridiculous. I should call you Ridiculousthyst. (Peridot laughs, but grows slightly frustrated that she can't knock over the can, kicking a rock at it and hitting it dead on, starts levitating a smaller can with her finger) I mean, seriously, Amethyst and Jasper are two completely different Quartzes. Sure, you're both from Earth, but your Kindergartens are radically different.

Steven: What? H-hold on, what?

Me: Wait.. Are you saying that Jasper came from Earth too?

Peridot: Well sure! (To Amethyst) Amethyst, you and Marble here from the Prime Kindergarten in Facet Five. She's from the Beta Kindergarten in Facet Nine!

Me: You mean the same kindergarden I was made?

Peridot: Yes, that's right! (briefly loses concentration, and the small can hits her head before landing on he ground) But have you seen that place?

Amethyst: No!

Peridot: Oh, well maybe you should! So you can see how the other half was made. Poorly! (laughs) No, seriously, let's go. You'll get a kick out of this. (Peridot looks back toward Lapis, who is watching "Camp Pining Hearts" on the truck sticking out from the roof)

Percy: That's your problem, Paulette. You let yourself become the kayak race.

Lapis: Cold.

Peridot: Um, just one second. I wanna check and make sure Lapis is okay. (pauses, then starts yelling) HEY LAPIS ARE YOU OKAAAAAAY?!

Lapis: YEAH!

Peridot: (yelling) ARE YOU SURE?!

Lapis: YEAH!

Peridot: (yelling) WE'RE LEAVING, BUT WE'LL BE BACK!

Lapis: OKAY!

Peridot: (yelling) DO YOU NEED ANYTHING?!

Lapis: NO!

Peridot: (yelling) WHAT SEASON IS THAT?!

Lapis: THREE!

Steven: Peridot, let's go.

Peridot: Okay, yeah, business time. (Peridot removes her bow) YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS! (Tosses the bow to Lapis, who has her hand held up, in anticipation of catching it. The bow was thrown way too high, overshooting her. She doesn't move.)

We arrived soon at the Beta Kindergarten. AKA: the place I was formed. I'd tell you about my mysterious origin but then I had to kill you. Anyway, we warped the the barren gem factory hopefully to snap Amethyst out of her funk. Little knowing there was something waiting for us...

Peridot: Here we are, Jasper's origin. The Beta Kindergarten. (The scene shows the area directly in front of us, slowly panning up. It's mostly the same as Facet Five, except it is much smaller, much more narrow, and made out of red sandstone)

Steven: Am I underwhelmed? It's pretty bright out here.

Amethyst: And red.

Peridot: No kidding. Heh. Red sandstone! Hah! This is what I'm talking about! We're lucky this place hasn't blown away. Beta, am I right? (Steven laughs before cupping his hand and whispering to Amethyst.)

Me: Yep, that's my home alright...

Steven: Hard to believe you were made here, Marble.

Me: Yeah, I try not to talk about it. Mostly because I was in place that didn't wanted me to be me...

Peridot: Well, you are beta Quartz. What did you expect? The royal treatment? Not in this place! (laughs) C'mon! It gets worse! (We begin to follow Peridot as she walks along the path.) I mean, this place has got the right growing conditions in a pinch. I guess... (Peridot picks up a rock from the ground and licks it before tossing it aside.) But it's too small! It was obviously a total rush job.

Steven: Uh, rush job?

Peridot: Halfway through the rebellion, Homeworld scrambled to generate extra soldiers on the ground. (Peridot gestures toward some exit holes.) Look at this, the holes don't even line up! Hehe, it's like they just threw injectors down wherever! Oh, and that one? This Carnelian came out sideways! How could she not, the walls are curved! Hehe, what a joke.

Amethyst: Man, I-I had no idea.

Peridot: I tell you, it really makes you appreciate the Prime Kindergarten, Amethyst. Your Kindergarten was so thought through! Sure, you might have spent extra time in the ground, but everything else is stacked in your favor! Great location, great holes, even spacing, consistent depth- a real kindergartener gets it right. (We stop walking to look at a broken injector, which is missing its four legs.)

Steven: (Quietly) What happened to this injector?

Peridot: What you want to see is a vertical alignment; no angle in the exit, a clean, strong silhouette. None of these holes come close! I mean, look at that one! (Points to a familiar shaped hole) Big, horizontal, and rough inside exterior. Whoever came out of this one is a definite faulty-

Me: That's MY hole! (All eyes were on me, Peridot nervously giggled when she knew where I was)

Steven: Wow, Marble. Is this really your hole?

Me: Yes, that's where I came out. That's how all Marbles came out. At least that's what I thought. I didn't have a chance to think before my diamond shipped me off.

Peridot: Umm... Well yes that is correct Marble. I was just pointing out your best features heh... (I continue to glare at her) Let's move on to the next set...

Amethyst: What about that one? (The camera pans toward an exit that is much larger than any other hole, with the arms in an upward pose instead of at the sides.)

Me: I do not remember that hole being there. Who was it?

Peridot: Jasper...

Steven: This is Jasper's hole?

Amethyst: It's huge.

Peridot: Oh, come on, we already know she's tall. Let's take a closer look. (Peridot approaches the hole and tries to climb her way up into it.) A kindergartener can tell a lot... about a Gem's makeup and... flaws by their exit marks. (Peridot looks toward Steven.) Steven.

Steven: Oh. (Steven runs over and tosses Peridot up in the air, grunting as she catches the ledge to the hole on the fall down.)

Peridot: Thanks! (Peridot runs to random parts of the hole, gesturing to them.) You see, the problem here - wait, oh, wait, oh, no, um. Now this part... hm. There's this thing where if you count the steps to the back I can...

Amethyst: What is it?

Peridot: She's even got frictional rock melt. It's glass all the way to the back.

Peridot: Actually, I, uh... I've never seen an exit hole this perfect.

Amethyst: Ugh, so it is true.

Me: Amethyst, enough! We both know we're not perfect but it shouldn't matter! We've always had each other's backs! We're stronger than anyone thinks we are!

Steven: Yeah! Who you are isn't about where you came from! It's who you wanna be! It's what you worked hard for. It's what you care about! That's what really matters.

Amethyst: Yeah! Yeah, you're right!

Peridot, Steven, and I: Yeah!

Amethyst: It's about who I wanna be!

Peridot, Steven, and I: Yeah!

Amethyst: And I wanna be the Gem that beats Jasper into the dirt!

Peridot and Me: Yeah!

Me: Wait a minute...

Steven: Huh?

Peridot: Wait, no! Don't fight her! Are you not seeing this? She's the ultimate Quartz!

Amethyst: I'm doing it. Yeah, and not just for me, or for Marble, for all the weird holes out there! Like this guy! And skinny up there! And, and, and this mess!

Peridot: Amethyst, that's...

Amethyst: Yeah, ha! I bet she was great. (Peridot runs over to the hole Amethyst is standing near.)

Peridot: No, no no no, hold on. Something's really wrong here. These marks are new. This hole's been dug out. Recently.

Me: Recently? There hasn't been a gem here in ages!

Steven: Maybe it was a prairie dog? A... really big one?

Peridot: Hm. (Peridot walks further down the path and the others follow.) There's more! (The camera pans out to show dozens of holes, barred by metal poles.)

Amethyst: Woah.

Peridot: These aren't exit holes anymore.

Steven: Then what are they? (Steven approaches one and reaches for one of the bars, as a Corrupted Gem Monster reaches for him, pressing against the bars. Amethyst and Peridot quickly grab Steven and pull him away, as the camera pans to show all of the holes being lit up solely by the light from the eyes of monsters.) Corrupted Gems? In cages?

Peridot: Why? Who would do this? (Amethyst gasps in surprise as she spots something)

Amethyst: That's who. (We see Jasper behind a cloud of dust)

Steven: Jasper. (Amethyst angrily summers her whip)

Me: Either this is the entrance to a gem museum or we're in a looooot of trouble.

[TO BE CONTINUED]


	59. Year 3 - Earthlings

**Year 3 - Earthlings**

[Open int. Beta Kindergarten]

(A Corrupted Gem monster growls)

(Pans to Amethyst, Peridot, Steven, and me looking at Jasper)

Amethyst: Jasper!

Peridot: What is she doing?

Steven: She's been collecting monsters.

Me: Looks like it. Let's hope she's just keeping them as pets.

(Snow Monster roars and Jasper kicks it down)

Jasper: Pipe down! (Steven, Amethyst, and Peridot gasp) You take orders from me now! You used to be a Quartz too, didn't you? What happened to you? (Monster growls) Tch. Disgraceful. I can't believe I've resorted to recruiting you freaks! You're almost as bad as that Crystal runt. (Amethyst growls)

Me: Don't let her get to you, Amethyst. They're just words.

Jasper: (offscreen) And that Marble is just as shameful. Wasting her life protecting those idiotic gems.

Me: (Enraged, I let out my axe) Alright, let me at her! It's on! (Steven and Peridot hold me back) Let me go! Let me go!

Steven: Shh!

Jasper: Just look at you. This planet ruins everything! Well, (chuckles) except for me.

Peridot: We should go back to the Temple and grab reinforcements.

Steven: Yeah, that's a good idea. Amethyst? (Notices that Amethyst is gone)

Peridot and Steven: Aah! (They look around)

Steven: Amethyst! (Sees Amethyst on a ledge edging towards Jasper)

Me: Amethyst! She's going to kill you!

Jasper: I'll never let this planet twist me like it twisted you. (Snow Monster growls) Your weakness embarrasses Homeworld. You suffer because it's what you deserve! We all only get what we deserve. Right, Amethyst?! (Amethyst gasps and falls from the ledge)

Amethyst: Agh!

Jasper: What do you want, runt? You here for a rematch?

Amethyst: I'm here to win!

Jasper: You were fated to lose – the moment you came out wrong! (Steven and I run to Amethyst's side)

Steven: That's not true!

Me: She's the strongest gem I know. And the smartest, at least smarter than you!

Jasper: Rose. And the Marble. Of course. Your lackeys never stray far. And why would they? They have no place in this, or any world!

Steven: What do you mean?!

Jasper: Every Gem is made for a purpose – to serve the order of the Diamonds. (An image of the Diamond Authority symbol appears behind Jasper) Those who cannot fit inside this order must be purged! To come out misshapen, to reshape yourself outside your purpose, and to defend this ruined, worthless planet, and side with its pathetic species, is a disgrace!

Peridot: *Timidly* This planet isn't all bad! (Gasps then hides)

Jasper: What are you doing here?

Peridot: I... *shouting* I'm a Crystal Gem now! (Jasper summons her helmet, Steven summons his shield, and I summon my axe) I'm not afraid of you! I've got metal powers! I'll show you! (tries to manipulate a metal rod which stays stuck in the ground)

Amethyst: Aw, jeez.

Peridot: In a moment!

Jasper: Anyone else got somethin' to say?

Me: Enough talk! Let's finish this!

Amethyst: Ughh! You guuuys! Stay- (Picks up Steven and throws him) out of this!

Me: Good move, Am. Leave the kid out of the fight. 'Cause this might get ugly. (Amethyst picks me up) Hey! What are you doing. (throws me and I land on Peridot)

Peridot: Oof!

Me: What the?!

Steven: Amethyst!

Amethyst: It's just you and me, Jasper – one on one! (Whips Jasper's face) (Generates a second whip and smacks Jasper into a wall)

Steven: Go Amethyst!

Me: Yeah! That's my girl! Hey, where's Peri? She's gonna want to see this!

Peridot: [Muffled under me] Get! Off! Me! [I grab Peridot from under me]

Me: Oh. Sorry, Peri.

Amethyst: Who's the runt now?! (Jasper quickly recovers, and gets up) You ready for more? (Whips Jasper's face) (Jasper looks at her, unaffected; Amethyst gets caught off-guard by Jasper's reaction) Uh, th-there's more where that came from! (Pushes Jasper back with her whips, but Jasper shrugs of the last blow as Amethyst gasps)

Steven: Uh-oh!

Amethyst: (Cracks her whips, sending purple fire down them, does a spin-dash attack surrounded in flames, and collides with Jasper in an explosion) Huh? (Looks up to see Jasper standing in front of her, unaffected)

Jasper: Is it sinking in yet? (Brushes off ashes)

Amethyst: Are you serious?! (Jasper kicks Amethyst)

Steven: Amethyst!

Jasper: (Walking towards Amethyst) You never had a chance.

Me: That's it! I'm taggin' in! [I jump off and deliver the first blow to Jasper's face. She rubbed her jaw and she smirks]

Jasper: Hmph. Pathetic. This lousy planet has made you soft. You can't hurt me! You're nothing now.

Me: You know what, Jasper? I'm getting really tired of you making fun of our planet. This is my home! Our home! So get through your thick head and leave us alone! [Jasper growled and began to charge at me. I stood my ground]

Steven: (Notices an injector on the top of a cliff and throws his shield at it, causing it to fall) Heads up!

(Me, Amethyst, and Jasper jump out of the way of the falling injector)

(Steven runs to Amethyst)

Amethyst: Steven – I can't win. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, she came out right, and I came out... wrong...

Steven: That's just what Jasper thinks. She's the only one who thinks you should be like her!

Amethyst: But-

Me: Stop trying to be like that jerk! You're not like her!

Steven: Yeah! You're like me! Because we're both not like anybody. And yeah, it sucks.. (Jasper lifts up the injector) But at least I've got you. And you've got us! [tearing up] So stop leaving me out of this.

Amethyst: Yeah... (to Steven) Us worse Gems stick together, (Sniffles) right?

Steven: That's why we're the best. (Holds out his hand as Amethyst chuckles and takes it; Steven and Amethyst hug, causing them to fuse and cause an explosion of smoke and light. The smoke clears revealing a fusion. In which the rest of us were surprised)

Me: Well, that happened.

?: What a beau-tiful day!

Jasper: Huh? What are you supposed to be?

Me: That's what we all want to know.

?: Oh yeah, who are we now? I feel like Amethyst knows this.

Peridot: Forget your name, you've got a fight to win!

?: I think a Rose Quartz, and an Amethyst make a...Smoky Quartz. [generates Steven's shield and Amethyst's whip, and combines them to make a yo-yo]

Me: Wow, you're weapon's a yo-yo. Just like Jasper is!

Jasper: Is fusion the only trick you Crystal Gems know?

Smoky Quartz: I've got plenty of tricks of my own. Ever see 'sink the dink'? (Hits Jasper in the face and stomach with the yo-yo, knocking her to the ground. Peridot laughs. Japser growls then does her spin dash attack)Woah-oh. (Spins their weapon around a rock above, using it as a rope to dodge Jasper's attack. Jasper dashes in the wall with all her monsters in it, causing the wall to collapse)

Jasper: No! (Monsters flee) My army!

Me: Be free, giant mutant gem abominations!

Peridot: (Laughs) Take that! Then take this! (Struggles with manipulating the metal rod Jasper notices there's one more Corrupted Gem, and runs over to her)

Smoky Quartz: Huh? (Skillfully attacks Jasper with their weapon multiple times, even doing a spin attack) Aw, leaving so soon?

Jasper: I will not be beaten by another fusion! (grabs the corrupted Gem's head and fuses with the monster)

Smoky Quartz: What the...? (Jasper's fusion laughs)

Me: Well, it looks like you've got this handled. (I run off and hide behind a wall as Jasper's fusion tries to attack Smoky Quartz)

Smoky Quartz: Hold on, I've got a move that will really blow you away. (Uses weapon as a fan against the Corrupted fusion, but it isn't enough) No worries. I've already got three huge fans. (Summons two more yo-yo fans, and the Corrupted fusion is blown away in a tornado)

Jasper: (Unfuses from the Corrupted Gem) We could beat them! If we stay together! (Attempts to fuse again, but fails and starts to fall)

Smoky Quartz: Pngeyeeeeeeeow, Kapow! (shakes her own hands) Great job Smoky, Oh, thank you, thank you Smoky. (The Snow Monster gets up and runs away from Jasper)

Jasper: Nobody I fuse with ever wants to stay. (Laughs) Ugh! (Corruption slowly starts to take place)

Me: What is up with her hand?

Peridot: Eww, that's disgusting!

Smoky Quartz: It's... corruption.. (Unfuses)

Amethyst: Steven, be careful.

Steven: But this just happened. Maybe I can do something! Jasper, it's okay. (Steven moves closer to Jasper) I'm here.

Me: Steven, what are you doing?

Steven: I know I can save her!

Jasper: Rose...

Steven: I'm not Rose, I'm Steven, I just wanna try and heal you. (Steven licks his palm and moves his hand towards Jasper who claws him)

Me: Steven! (Steven looks at the tear in his shirt; Peridot, shocked, attempts to move the metal rod again, but then groans and gives up, and starts running to the others; Amethyst charges up closer to Steven and Jasper, but gets blocked by him)

Steven: Stop!

Jasper (Chuckles) I see how you do it now Rose, you want Gems after they're worthless, you wait until after they've lost, because when you're at the bottom, you'll follow anyone. That makes you feel like less of a failure. Hah! Just look at this one! You've stripped her of everything! Her limb enhancers, her status, her dignity.

Peridot: I still have one of those things.

Me: But which one? Not the limb enhancers of course.

Jasper: How can you side with Rose Quartz?! Why? Why protect this useless shell of a planet?

Peridot: The Earth's not a shell. There's so much life, living here. That's what I'm doing! I'm living here! I've been learning new things about myself all the time! Like how I can make metal do my bidding! (The metal rod she has been trying to move falls behind her) The point being, Earth can set you free.

Jasper: Earth is a prison. I got out because I'm better than this place. (Corruption spreads)

Steven: It's getting worse.

Jasper: (Corruption worsens, now spikes are visible throughout her body) I only came back to finish you off...

Steven: Try not to move!

Jasper: You can't manipulate me, Rose Quartz! Or your pathetic humans!

Steven: I-I'm not manipulating, we're trying to help!

Jasper: Help...? Help?! I've been fighting from the second I broke free of the Earth's crust, because of what YOU did to my colony! Because of what YOU did to my planet! Because of what YOU did to my Diamond!

Steven: I... Yellow Diamond?

Jasper: Wha... My Diamond! Your Diamond! PINK DIAMOND! (the corruption worsens)

Me: Prepare for impact! (Jasper lunges at them. Peridot use her ferrokinesis and thrusts the metal rod right through Jasper's chest, causing her to poof)

Peridot: You're... welcome!

Me: Well, glad that's over.

Amethyst: (Sighs) Come here, sis. (Bubbles Jasper's gemstone and sends it away; Steven walks up to Amethyst and she leans against him)

(We all warp back to the barn)

Peridot: *excitedly* When we get to the barn, I'm building a giant metal yo-yo! Amethyst, Steven, you'll have to catch and throw it for me.

Me: Uh, you might wanna put that plan on hold Peridot. (Points to Garnet, Pearl, and Lapis who are seen with the five Rubies in water bubbles)

Amethyst: Ugh...

[To Be Contunued]


	60. Year 3 - Back to the Moon

**Year 3: Back to the Moon**

[Open int. outside the barn]

(The Roaming Eye has been parked outside, and the five Rubies are trapped in water bubbles by Lapis Lazuli.)

Me: Well, well, well, Rubies. We meet again.

Steven: The Rubies are back? (The Rubies are shown floating in the bubbles.)

Lapis: They showed up on their little ship acting very angry. So I put them in time-out.

Steven: I thought we were done with these guys!

Me: Yeah, we fooled those mumbling munchkins into thinking that Jasper's down at Neptune.

Steven: (walks over to them) Why did you come back here?

Garnet: Let's release one and just ask what they're up to.

Steven: Ooh, ooh! Can I pick?

Garnet: Go for it. (Steven walks closer and looks up at the Rubies.)

Steven: Hmm... Oh! Let's talk to Leggy!

Pearl: Leggy?

Steven: I named them based on the placement of their gems. (The camera cuts to each of the Rubies in turn.) There's Leggy, Army, Navy, Eyeball, and, uh... Doc. Leggy seems like the easiest to talk to.

Lapis: Leggy, come on down! (Lapis motions with her hand. The water bubble bursts open and Leggy hits the ground.)

Steven: Hey! Hi, I'm Steven. What brings you back to Earth?

Leggy: Uh... (sits up) I... don't... know? (raises arms.)

Steven: Oh, uh, I understand. I used to forget why we go on missions all the time.

Leggy: I'll just go stand over here then. (walks over to the fence)

Me: So Leggy's the shy and confused one. Good to know.

Steven: Let's take a chance on Army. (Army's bubble pops and she falls to the ground.) Good afternoon!

Army: (Angry) RAAH! (runs toward Steven) I'll tear you limb- (Garnet picks her up) huh?

Garnet: Hey! Don't be like that.

Army: Why I oughta razzle-frazzle your-(angry mumbling)

Garnet: Aw.

Me: Let me handle this. (I walk over to Army) Alright, sister. You're gonna spill beans on why you and your gang show you're faces back here.

Army: I'll never talk to a traitor like you!

Me: (I summon my axe) You're gonna talk or I'll slice you like a piece of bread!

Garnet: No, Marble. (I put my axe down)

Me: What just wanted to use a little persuasion on these guys. I've seen it so many cop shows.

Garnet: Next!

Steven: Ehh... Navy? (Cut to Navy, standing covered with water)

Navy: If I remember correctly, we were on Earth- (She pauses and looks off to the side, then blushes and looks away from us.) Uh... hah! This is so embarrassing! (covers her face) Oh-ho- (looks back at us) Aah! (runs away, crouches next to Leggy.)

Me: I wanna hug her.

Steven: Okay, uh, Eyeball? (Cut to Eyeball.)

Eyeball: I'm not tellin' y'all nothin' about nothin'! (crosses arms and growls. I summon my axe and Garnet puts it down, shaking her head)

Steven: The only one left now is, uh... Doc. (Doc is released.)

Doc: Where's Jasper? Last time we came, you tricked us into playing that stuuupid game! Then, you said (makes finger quotes) "She's on Neptune", so we looked, and she wasn't there. She wasn't on Neptune! Or any other planet in this whole dang solar system!

Me: So wait, you're here to see Jasper?

Doc: Yes! And we're not leaving without her!

Me: Can you excuse us for a moment? (Me and the gems huddle up, Amethyst leaves) Okay guys, big problem! These guys want to see Jasper and we can't deliver.

Pearl: We don't even know where Jasper is. No doubt she's gathering more corrupted gems for her plan.

Me: Errm... About that. We may have... poofed Jasper while we were at the Beta Kinderarten. (Peridot and Steven nodded)

Pearl: Well that's great and all, but we can't tell the rubies that!

Peridot: What are we gonna do?

Me: I'd say we trash those rubies and send them back to Homeworld in a pine box!

Garnet: No, Marble. Yellow Diamond will just send more servants. We need another plan.

Doc: Enough stalling! Tell us where she is right now! No games... (Army jumps out of Garnet's hands) no tricks... (the Rubies assemble) and no slick disguises.

Rubies: Yeah!

Me: Uhh...

Amethyst: HEY! (The Rubies look to find Amethyst, shape-shifted as Jasper. Amethyst blows her hair out of her eye and makes her voice sound like Jasper's) I'm right here. (We all stared at Amethyst's disguise)

Me: We're screwed.

Pearl: Is she serious? There's no way this is gonna-

A Ruby: Hey look, it's Jasper! (The Rubies all cheer and talk excitedly. Eyeball jumps up to see over the others' heads, then pushes through the crowd.)

Eyeball: Jasper! I'm Ruby 1F4 Cut-4ND. (approaches Amethyst) I fought in the war for Earth. (does the Gem salute)

Amethyst (as Jasper): Uh... At ease.

Eyeball: I was on the ground in Facet 6 when I heard the tale of the Facet 9 Kindergarten Quartz that could. They said you popped out of the ground with your helmet on, and took out 80 Crystal Gems before the sun went down. When I found out this mission was to look for you, I nearly dissipated my form! It is an honor to finally meet you.

Amethyst (as Jasper): Yep! That's me! Always huge, never small, all the- all the time since I was made! (smiles nervously)

Eyeball: Wait a minute! (suspicious) You look different than I thought you would.

Pearl: Oh, here it is.

Me: Well, if I'm gonna go down. Might as well do it fighting. (cracks knuckles)

Amethyst (as Jasper): Oh, you must mean my tan! You know, from the sun! (points to the sun; Eyeball looks suspicious for a moment, then smiles.)

Eyeball: Stupid Earth sun! (kicks up a clod of dirt) I hate this planet!

Amethyst (as Jasper): (Kicks up more dirt) Curse this planet! (strikes a pose) (The Rubies run over cheering and begin to kick up chunks of dirt as well. Pearl facepalms and I double-facepalm)

Me: Thank Rose these rubies are stupid. (Garnet looks at me) Not all of them of course.

Doc: Well, it's a good thing we finally found you. Yellow Diamond is awaiting your return. We'll take you back to Homeworld right away.

Amethyst (as Jasper): (Normal voice) No! I-I mean- (clears throat) (Jasper's voice) I, Jasper, have decided to stay on Earth.

Doc: What?

Leggy: Why?

Navy: Yeah, why, Jasper?

Amethyst (as Jasper): Because... I gotta stay here! With these guys! (gestures at the Crystal Gems) Yup, gotta keep 'em prisoner. (Lapis rolls her eyes.) For the Diamonds. (Cut to the Rubies. Army, Doc, and Eyeball solemnly clap while Navy wipes away a tear.)

Leggy: Jasper...

Navy: Such devotion.

Doc: (Walks up to Amethyst, wiping her eyes) Well, Yellow will definitely wanna know about this. You'll have to file a report at the nearest Diamond base. (The Rubies chatter amongst themselves, wondering where the nearest Diamond base is.)

Leggy: Where's that?

Navy: Think we passed it on the way here?

Doc: You dummies! It's uh, it's... hm.

Eyeball: Argh! It's there! (points up at the sky; Cut to a shot of the moon.)

Amethyst: (Normal voice) I gotta hold this all the way to the moon?! (Jasper's voice) Hold this...hold these prisoners! (points at Crystal Gems) I gotta bring these rebel prisoners if we're going to the moon! Can't leave them here unsupervised.

Doc: Very well, to the ship! (The Rubies walk into the Roaming Eye.)

Pearl: What are you doing? This isn't going to work!

Garnet: You can't hold that form forever.

Amethyst: (Normal voice) I can do this! We'll go to the moon, come back, and they'll leave us alone. Just play along. (Slightly shoves the Crystal Gems forward, they walk towards the ship)

Amethyst: (Sees Peridot and Lapis) Oh hey! You guys wanna be prisoners too?

Lapis: Not really. (Peridot holds Lapis' arm)

Amethyst: Alright! Just checking.

(In the Roaming Eye.)

Rubies: Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!

Steven: Woah, it's huge in here! I thought it'd be super cramped.

Eyeball: Hey! This ain't no pleasure cruise!

Amethyst (as Jasper): Yeah! Show some respect, you... Crystal Germs!

A Ruby: Yeah, you tell 'em Jasper.

Another Ruby: I bet they got those germs from Earth!

Garnet: (Pretending) Aw, curses! I can't believe we've been caught, and by none other than Jasper! So cross over it.

Steven: (Pretending) Uh huh, that sure is Jasper! The one that caught us. Harumph.

Me: (pretending) How embarassing. Me a marble, taken down by a Jasper. Like I stood a chance.

Pearl: (Dramatically) Of all the indignities! Do what you want! I'll never talk!

Amethyst (as Jasper): Heh. I wish.

Eyeball: Yeah, haha! She talks a lot!

Amethyst (as Jasper): Go sit over there now!

Navy: (To Leggy) Wow. Jasper's so funny and strong!

Leggy: I was just thinking that!

Doc: Jasper!

Amethyst (as Jasper): Ah! I'm Jasper!

Ruby (Doc): Please feel free to take my seat right up front. The captain's seat. It would be an honor.

Amethyst (as Jasper): Yeah. Yes. Sure thing. (Amethyst sits in the captain's seat.)

Doc: I hope it's to your liking.

Amethyst (as Jasper): It's alright.

Doc: You can go ahead and head towards the moon base whenever you're ready.

Amethyst (as Jasper): Uuuuh, of course! Heh. (Amethyst looks at the controls, then looks over to us. Steven groans nervously)

Me: (whispers) Remember, think Jasper.

Amethyst (as Jasper): Uh, listen. I'm Jasper... (picks up Ruby (Doc) and puts her in her lap) and I'm too worn out from catching rebels to fly, so I'll just sit here like this and you work the thing to get us to the moon. Got it?

Doc: Yes. Of course. (Eyeball looks at them and sheds a tear.) To the moon, then?

Amethyst (as Jasper): To the moon, then!

Rubies: To the moon, then! (The ship takes off and flies towards the moon.)

Doc: We'll be arriving shortly.

Amethyst (as Jasper): Hey, keep my seat warm. While I check on our, uh, prisoners.

Doc: Yes, Jasper. Good idea.

Pearl: (Screams) NOOOOOO! Stay away from us you brute!

Me: Okay you can cut it out now, Pearl.

Amethyst: (Normal voice, whispering) Yeah, tone it down, Pearl. That one Ruby wants to throw you out into space. (Army looks at Pearl menacingly and punches her palm.)

Pearl: Sorry. Got a bit carried away.

Me: A bit?

Steven: Uh, you okay, Amethyst? You've been holding that form forever now. (Amethyst starts sweating excessively as she holds her form intact.)

Amethyst: I've got it under control. (Jasper's voice) Hey, my seat better still be warm when I get over there! (The Roaming Eye smoothly hovers onto the moon base's ground floor. The Rubies exit the ship while Doc uses her gem to produce light.)

Doc: All clear! (The Rubies exit the ship)

Eyeball: Right this way, Jasper. (We exit the ship too)

Pearl: (Dramatically) Oh, Jasper, won't you ever let us go? (Steven slowly starts floating away but Garnet quickly grabs him and holds his hand.)

Eyeball: (Uses her gem to shed a light on the dark floor) Look at this place - frozen in time. An Era-1 base. (Light falls on an unknown Diamond's mural) Her Era-1 base. It was a tragedy, what happened to her.

Me: Oh great... Here we go again with the diamonds.

Leggy: Who is that anyway?

Eyeball: Were you made yesterday?! That is Pink Diamond.

Me: Pink Diamond? You mean the one Jasper was- (Pearl covers my mouth)

Eyeball: Ah, yes. Jasper was well aquainted with her diamond. In fact... (To Amethyst) Why don't you explain it for them?

Amethyst (as Jasper): (Normal voice) What, me? No. (Quickly changes her voice) No, you do it. I'm, like, too messed up about it?

Eyeball: I understand. She was your original Diamond. (The Gems take the staircase as Eyeball tells the tale about Pink Diamond.) Earth was Pink Diamond's colony. Everything was going smoothly at first. Kindergartens were incubating their first soldiers. Big, warm pieces of Quartz - (looks at Amethyst) like this mountain over here - were being created from its rich minerals with great success. Then - bam! One of Pink Diamond's very own Quartz soldiers started a rebellion and took it too far. (Turns towards Amethyst) Where were you when it happened?

Amethyst (as Jasper): Oh, you know, around.

Eyeball: I was there. I saw it with my own eye. I watched the leader of the Crystal Gems - Rose Quartz - shatter Pink Diamond! (Everyone freezes. A worried Garnet glances at Pearl, who starts shivering violently)

Me: Woah, woah, woah, woah, WOAH! Time out! I've seen Rose before and I know she would never do something as drastic as that!

Eyeball: She did! It was horrible, she betrayed her own diamond and the very Homeworld she was supposed to serve for! Disgraceful.

Steven: No. (tears up) Rose Quartz would never do that! A-And, sure, she had to fight but - but she would never shatter someone! (Amethyst and the Rubies turn to look at him.)

Me: Uh. Heh. Sorry about that. Some of us are really touchy on the subject.

Doc: Hey! We got a problem.

[Cut to the Panel Room.]

Doc: The panel is broken. The communicator is gone! There's no way to contact Yellow Diamond from this hub. (Amethyst starts sweating excessively from the effort of keeping her form.)

Eyeball: Crystal Ge-e-ems!

Other Rubies: Unbelievable! Rude! No respect! (Amethyst returns to her normal form and sighs, then I quietly gasp with worry)

Eyeball: See? They'll stoop to anything! (after a moment, Amethyst returns to pretending to be Jasper.)

Me: Well, that's too bad. Guess we'll never get that message to Yellow Diamond. I reckon you wanna take us back home and be on your merry way?

Doc: Not so fast! We'll have to take you to Homeworld to file a report in person.

Me: Or yeah I guess we can do- WHAT!?

Amethyst (as Jasper): (The amount of strain increases as she holds her form) I can't! I can't go!

Rubies: Huh? I don't understand. What do you mean? What's going on? (Eyeball rushes in front of Amethyst)

Amethyst (as Jasper): You know what? You know me. (Pats Eyeball's head) Do me a favor and go back home and file the report for me. I'm trusting you, soldier.

Eyeball: Wow. Of course!

Me: (to Amethyst) Thanks, Am.

Doc: That settles it. All right, Rubies, back to the ship! (As Doc speaks, Amethyst gives Pearl a smug look. Pearl puts a hand over her face in exasperation.)

[Cut to the bottom floor.]

(Eyeball waves to Amethyst as she climbs into the Roaming Eye.)

Me: Farewell! Bon voyage! Arrieviderci! Give my reguards to Yellow Diamond!

(Amethyst waves back, and as the ship's door closes she finally returns to her default form. She runs over to the Gems.)

Me: They fell for it!

Steven: All right, Amethyst!

Garnet: You really held it together.

Pearl: You did it! I told you you could.

Amethyst: (High fives Pearl and Steven while chuckling.) Aw. (Steven walks over to the Pink Diamond portrait. Just then, the Roaming Eye's door opens.)

Do): Hey, you need a ride back to Earth? I could sit on your lap if you want, uh- (Sees Amethyst in her normal form) What?!

Me: Uh oh.

Amethyst: (Yelling hurriedly) I'm still Jasper!

Doc: We've been tricked? Again?!

Rubies: No way!

Doc: Rubies, assemble!

Rubies: Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup! (Stand upon one another in order to fuse) Yeah! (The Rubies fuse.)

Me: Finally! (I summon my axe) I've been itchin' for some action all day!

Ruby (Quintuple fusion): Yeah! We won't let you trick us again! (I begin to attack the giant ruby. I swinged my axe at her shoulder then she grabs me. I then bit her hand) OW! (She lets go and then I uppercut punched her in the jaw. As she steps back..)

Steven: (Stands beside the Moon Base door) Hey, Rubies! If you're gonna continue to fight, take it outside! (Steven presses the door switch and the fusion gets sucked halfway out the door before stopping herself with me still holding on to her head. I jump off and land next to Steven)

Ruby (Quintuple fusion): You can't get rid of us that easy! (Pearl and Garnet fuse into Sardonyx, with Amethyst on her shoulder.)

Me: No. But she can. (Sardonyx takes out her hammer and slams it into the Ruby fusion.)

Ruby (Quintuple fusion): Oof! (The Rubies unfuse and are sucked out the door and into space. As Eyeball is pulled out the door, she grabs Steven and pulls him out with her)

Me: Hey! Let go of him! (I grabbed on to Steven but I was sucked out into space along with him and the Rubies)

Amethyst: Steven! Marble!

(As Steven and I fly further and further away from the Base, the screams of Amethyst fade while Sardonyx looks on helplessly.)

[To be continued]


	61. Year 3 - Bubbled

**Year 3 - Bubbled**

[Everything was black. Cut to my face]

Me: Uh.. Man. I had the most craziest dream. The rubies were on earth and we had to go on the moon. Then Steven and I got sucked into space.. [Zoom out to see me floating in space] AAAAH! (I floated around) Steven? Steven? Steven, where are you? (Steven's bubble hurdles through me. I looked as Steven got farther away from me) Steven!

I've floated through the endless void of space searching for my buddy Steven. This whole moon episode has really taken a toll on the kid. It seemed like hours of floating until I finally found a faster way. Well, more like it found me.

[An asteroid crashes into me and I was now riding it. I was so fast I passed Steven and Eyeball]

Me: Steven? Eyeball?! Sorry, rock. But this is my stop. (I jump off the asteroid and floated into Steven's way hoping to stop it, but it smashes into me. Steven and Eyeball were surprised by my appearance)

Steven: Marble?

Me: Sup? (I see the Ruby's gem cracked) Woah. You uh... got something on your eye.

Eyeball: (Backs away) You stay away from me, traitor! My gem is fine!

Steven: Don't worry, I can fix your gem!

Eyeball: I'm not falling for any of your- (Body glitches) tr-i-i-i-i-i-icks! (Eyeball's limbs glitch away, leaving her looking like a cute little angry floating cloud; I laugh while she growls in annoyance, then glitches into normal form and holds her tummy) Bleh.. (Steven grabs Eyeballs shoulders) Hmm?

Steven: I'm serious, I can help.

Me: Mind if I help prep the patient?

Steven: Sure thing. (Makes a door in his bubble and I jumped inside right in front of Eyeball)

Eyeball: You stay away from me! (tries to run away from me. I grab her)

Me: I got her, Steven!

Eyeball: Huh? What are you-?

Steven: (Sticks out tongue and starts to slowly approach her gem) Bleeeh... Aaah. (Eyeball looks uncomfortable as Steven licks her gem, but he is shocked by Eyeball gripping his cheeks) Eh?!

Eyeball: WHAT was that supposed to be?! What in the cosmos is wrong with...(Crack in gem seals up) you?

Me: See? Now, wasn't that so hard? Here, have a lolipop. (I give Eyeball a lolipop.)

Eyeball: I... I can't believe it! There were rumors back during the war, that Rose Quartz could heal her Crystal Gem soldiers, keeping her small army in contention with the superior forces of Homeworld. Wow! It really is you! Rose Quartz!

Steven: See?! That's what I was trying to tell ya! (Eyeball laughs) Yup, it's me- the mighty Rose Quartz!

Eyeball: (Laughing) And now we're stuck out here, floating aimlessly through outer space! Pff! (Laughs)

Steven: How'd we get ourselves into this mess? (We all continue to laugh; Steven starts to laugh along until he starts crying)

Eyeball: The mighty Rose Quartz. (Gem shimmers, and pulls out chisel knife)

Me and Steven: Huh?

Eyeball: What does it look like I'm doing? I never thought I'd get a chance like this. I can't believe you're all mine! (Dashes towards Steven in an attempt to attack him but I push her back.)

Me: Hey! Hey! What do you think you're doing?

Eyeball: Don't be stupid, Marble! This gem shattered a Diamond!

Me: What!? Did that asteroid hit your head? This kid has never harmed a gem in his entire life!

Eyeball: Don't think I know what you're doing!

Me: What do you think I'm doing?

Eyeball: You're trying to prove Rose's innocence. Covering her tracks by saying that she didn't shatter Pink Diamond! Well if that's how it is. I'LL JUST HAVE TO TAKE BOTH OF YOU!

Me: Ruh roh! Run, Steven!

Steven: Whoa! (Screams; We run in circles as Eyeball laughs and Steven continues to scream)

Eyeball: Ooh, I'm gonna get ya! I'm gonna take your gems and bring them back!

Steven: What?! No! Please don't take my gem! Wait, what would even happen to me?

Me: More importantly, what will happen to me? Look, Eyeball. Were all reasonable gems here. So why don't we- (The Ruby has Steven and me pinned down, and the chisel knife is floating right above us)

Eyeball: (Grabs the chisel knife) Ha! (Eyeball is about to cut through him)

Steven: W-Wait! You don't have to do this!

Eyeball: (Laughs) Oh, give it up already! You can't take this away from me! I'm gonna be a legend! I'll go down in history! What will the Diamonds say when they hear that a Ruby defeated Rose Quartz and her Marble? They're gonna give me my own Pearl! (Bites the pommel of the knife and laughs)

Steven: Wah?! Wait! Please listen! I'm really not my mom! We don't want to hurt you! Just- Just think for a second. We're lost out in space. How are you going to get back to Homeworld alone?

Eyeball: I've already made up my mind! (Eyeball's about to cut through Steven, when suddenly, Steven takes her by the arm, lets down his bubble as I kick her out into space. Steven summons his bubble and I sat by his side)

Me: Whew! Thank goodness we got out of that, eh Steven? (I see Steven curled up in a ball as the bubble shrinks) Steven? Steven? Speak to me buddy! (I try to shake him, but he was already asleep)

So I guess this is it huh? Floating in the endless abyss of space in a bubble with a kid. And to think, all this mess was because they all think Rose was a criminal. I mean, I've known her for a long time and she'd never do a thing like that. I wish I could say this is the end. But suddenly, a light shined from beyond...

(A Roaming Eye appears, and it opens a diamond-shaped entrance and Steven and I get pulled in; Steven regains consciousness and he and I are embraced by the Crystal Gems)

 _If I could begin to be_

 _Half of what you think of me_

 _I could do about anything_

 _I could even learn how to love_

 _When I see the way you act_

 _Wondering when I'm coming back_

 _I could do about anything_

 _I could even learn how to love_

 _Like you_

(Steven is sitting in a chair and Garnet stands beside him. Pearl, Amethyst and I are by one of the Roaming Eye's consoles.)

Steven: ...How come nobody told me about Pink Diamond? (brief pause)

Garnet: We all did what we had to during the war. Everything's different now.

Steven: But did mom really do it? Did she really shatter her?

Garnet: She had to. The Earth belonged to Pink Diamond. Destroying her was the only way to save the planet. For Amethyst to be herself, for Pearl to be free, for me to be together. For you to exist.

Steven: But I thought... A-at least she'd never...

Garnet: She didn't always do what was best for her. But she always did what was best for Earth.

Steven: Even if it meant shattering someone...

Garnet: Yes.

Steven: (Sighs) Thanks for telling me. (The Roaming Eye heads toward Earth)

So, there you have it. The end of our chapter, the happy ending. Is it over? No. No it isn't. Because now with Homeworld on our tail, our problems just got bigger. But we'll, pull through. You wanna know why? Because we're the Crystal Gems, baby. And we'll always be ready for anything. No matter how crazy it gets. And it's gonna get crazier from here, trust me...

 _Love me like you_

[The End]


	62. Year 4 - Kindergarten Kid

**Year 4 - Kindergarten Kid**

Well, it's been quite of a week I'll tell you that. Got a run in with Jasper, took a trip through space, and now we got a whole "Pink Diamond" mystery to worry about. I don't have much memory of what happened, but whatever it was really shook Steven up. But that's not the problem today. No, we had a little pest problem to deal with...

[The episode begins with the Crystal Gems looking through the Beta Kindergarten for the leftover Corrupted Gems. The Corrupted Gems are snarling in the background as the Crystal Gems search.]

Steven: Here's another one!

Garnet: Got it, Steven! Ready... Go!

Amethyst: Grab its legs!

Garnet: That's not a leg!

Amethyst: Ow!

(Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl poof the Corrupted Gem and come out, while Garnet has her gemstone in a bubble.)

Pearl: It's a little disturbing that Jasper was just keeping these Corrupted Gems in cages.

Amethyst: Isn't that what we're doing?

Pearl: That's different.

Garnet: They're cared for in the stasis of the bubble. As long as they're bubbled, they can't hurt anyone, and they won't suffer. It's what Rose wanted.

(Steven, Peridot, and I watch one of the other Corrupted Gems.)

Steven: Huh. I guess this is the last of them.

(The Corrupted Gem snarls as she erratically runs all over the hole she is trapped in.)

Me: Behold the corrupted gem in it's national habitat.

Peridot: [Laughs] I can't believe these dumb things used to be Gems!

Me: Peridot, don't make fun.

Peridot: It's hard not to! I mean look at how that disfigured thing try figure out the rest of his life!

(Garnet walks over and signals the other Gems to come over.)

Garnet: Pearl, Amethyst, get ready. This one is flighty.

Steven: Are Corrupted Gems not like this on Homeworld?

Peridot: We don't have anything like this on Homeworld.

Garnet: Here we go.

(Amethyst tries to reel the Corrupted Gem back with the whip but gets dragged off. I grab on to the monster's head)

Me: Gotcha, varmint! No way you can escape me now! [The Corrupted Gem repeatedly kicks me in the face and runs away] Well, that's one way...

(Pearl shoots at the Corrupted Gem to no success as she runs back to throw Amethyst at her. The Corrupted Gem scales the wall up to higher ground and successfully retreats.)

Peridot: [Laughs] That was terrible

Pearl: This is harder than it looks, you know!

Peridot: How could you all be outsmarted by that thing?

Pearl: Well, first, it ran over Garnet, Marble tried to grab it, nd then Amethyst tried to use her-

Garnet: Uh, we don't need the play by play. Mistakes happen, even when you can see the future.

Amethyst: Yeah, Peridot. Let's see you do better.

Peridot: Well, I saved all your butts from Jasper. I suppose I could help you here, too.

Garnet: Feel free.

Peridot: This'll be a great chance to show off my metal powers!

Garnet: Then our work here is done.

Steven: Uh, I-I'm...

Amethyst: Are you seriously going to help her?

Me: Help. Watch her hilariously fail. Same diff.

Steven: It's just... She's all alone out there, with no idea what she's doing.

Pearl: Oh, Peridot will be fine.

Steven: I meant the monster!

Garnet: [Chuckles] Okay. Take a long as you need.

Pearl: Uh, Garnet, are you sure? (The Crystal Gems walk off, and Steven and I runs up to Peridot who is currently devising a plan.)

Steven: Wait. [Pants]

Peridot: Did the others ask you to bring me back?

Steven: No, we came to help! It usually takes all of us to capture a Corrupted Gem.

Peridot: That's because you try to out-brute it. We're going to outsmart it!

Steven: So... we can help?

Peridot: I could use your experience dealing with these things. It just doesn't seem fair.

Steven: Why's that?

Peridot: With you and me teaming up, that thing won't stand a chance.

(They both begin to laugh triumphantly.)

Steven: Yeah!

Me: (I am seen lounging in a lawn chair) Yeah. You guys go ahead. I'll stay here and watch the massacre.

Steven: Can you at lest try to be supportive for Peridot?

Me: I could... But problem is I know Peridot. Heck, she's still intimidated at the sight of me.

Peridot: Nonsense! I've come to a mutual understanding and I am no longer consider you as... uhh... (I walk closer to her, Peridot shook as she looked at how big I was and cowered behind Steven) Nyah! (I laugh. The Corrupted Gem we are pursuing runs through us. We begin to give chase.)

Peridot: After it! (I run after them)

(Peridot, Steven, and I crawl behind a rock and peek at the Corrupted Gem's current activity.)

Peridot: What's it doing?

(The Corrupted Gem in the distance is staring at one of the injectors.)

Me: Maybe it's just sightseeing?

Steven: Maybe it likes shiny things?

Peridot: This is perfect! I've just concocted a flawless Peri-plan!

Steven: So what's the P.P.?

Me: (Laughs) P.P. (Peridot looks at me unamused)

Peridot: Anyway. If I use my metal powers, the whole thing will fall onto the monster!

Steven: Give it a try!

(Peridot begins to tamper with one of the injector's legs.)

Peridot: Carefully...

(Peridot manages to remove one of the legs and lets it fall to the ground. This does nothing but confuse the Corrupted Gem about to be victimized.)

Me: Well, that did nothing.

Steven: It's... not falling.

Peridot: Maybe another leg needs to go.

(Peridot removes another leg, resulting in the aforementioned result.)

Peridot: [Growls] Fall! You stupid...

(Two more legs are removed. It does nothing and the Corrupted Gem decides to venture somewhere else.)

Peridot: Oh come on! [Grunts] Fall already!

(As Peridot kicks the wall, the area the injector is embedded in begins to crack.)

Steven: Peridot, watch out!

Peridot: Oh, right. Thank you.

(Peridot kicks the wall again, and a bunch of boulders fall on top of her. I laugh at her)

Me: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That was brilliant!

Steven: Uh, Peridot!

(Steven runs over to Peridot but is greeted by the Corrupted Gem.)

Peridot: There it is! Get it!

(Steven pulls up a shield to fend off the Corrupted Gem's attacks.)

Me: I'm right behind ya, Steven! (I run over to the monster and grabbed it by it's three tounges but it flails me around nd catches me in its mouth)

Steven: Marble!

Me: (From inside the monster's mouth) Wow, for a corrupted gem. You sure got some impressive tonsils.

Peridot: Keep distracting it! I'll finish it off!

(As Peridot says that, the injector finally falls, but onto her instead. Steven walks over to check if Peridot is okay, sacrificing the chance to capture the Corrupted Gem. It spits me out as it runs away.)

Steven: You okay?

Peridot: I think we need to... revise our strategy.

[Fade to black.]

Peridot: Are you ready for the second Peri-plan?

Steven: The first one wasn't so great.

Me: I don't care what your plan is. But if I'm the bait, I'm out!

Peridot: Yes, noted, Steven and Marble. But this plan is even more flawless! I cannibalized the injector to make a rudimentary cannon! Observe.

(Peridot activates the cannon, which shoots a large object into the distance.)

Steven: Whoa! Impressive!

Me: Eh. I've seen bigger. And more explosive.

Peridot: You got that right. This way, we can take it out from a distance!

Steven: Oh, there it is!

Peridot: I got it!

(The Corrupted Gem comes on the scene, notices Steven and Peridot, and shoots her tongues in the air in response. Peridot prepares to open fire.)

Peridot: Heh, you clod.

(Peridot activates the cannon. The cannon does not shoot.)

Peridot: Huh? [Sighs] Work, you stupid-

(The cannon fires, the resulting recoil sending it backward into Peridot, crashing her into the wall behind her and creating a mini-avalanche of boulders. The Corrupted Gem approaches Steven and me.)

Steven: Uhh... hey. You win this round.

(The Corrupted Gem attacks Steven and me.)

Me: Not the face!

(Scene cuts to black)

Peridot: Okay. I've analyzed the problems with the previous two Peri-plans. Relying on the injectors introduced too many complicating variables. Now we only have to rely on simple physics! We'll wait until it gets right up under us, not suspecting a thing because it's so dumb! And then we'll drop this rock on its stupid head! It's even more flawless! And at this height, nothing can fall on us!

Steven: What if it doesn't stop where we want it to?

Peridot: I'm doing the best I can, Steven!

Me: I don't know, it seems kinda cliched. What do you think. (It reveals that I was talking to the corrupted gem who scares us off the cliff. The Corrupted Gem taps the boulder to let it fall as well.)

Peridot: I-

(The boulder falls onto Peridot and carries her away. Steven gives chase until he and Peridot come across an eroded formation of sandstone resembling a loop-de-loop. Peridot goes around and hits Steven who protects himself with the bubble. He goes around and hits Peridot's boulder that goes around half-way.)

Peridot: I think-

(The boulder falls on Peridot. I again laugh at her)

Me: HA! HA! HA! HA! HAAA! I'm enjoying this!

Steven: You don't poof easily, huh?

Peridot: Us Peridots are tougher than we look!

Me: (Continues to laugh)

Steven: Come on, Marble! We're supposed to help Peridot! (I continue to laugh)

Me: Sorry. It's just that... This is so much better than TV! (Keeps laughing)

Peridot: [From under the boulder] If you're having so much fun watching me fail. I'd like to see you come up with a plan!

Me: (Stops laughing) That's all I needed to hear. (I got up and I lifted the boulder off of Peridot) Now, here's my strategy. The way I see it, this corrupted monster s always one step ahead of us.

Peridot: Impossible. That thing doesn't even have a- (I interrupt her)

Me: Quiet, I'm talking. So, as I was saying. We need to be even more cunning than it. Now don't get me wrong, Peridot's smart techniques were a step in the right direction. But this creature seems to surpass every last Peri Plan. So, I conclude the only way for us to catch the monster is if we do it both smart... and violently.

Peridot: [Confused] Huh?

Steven: Oh! You mean like in those cartoons with the bird and coyote?

Me: Exactly. [Fade to black]

(Later, the monster is seen running through the desert. Me, Steven, and Peridot look from the rocks. We come out on top of a big rocket.)

Peridot: Where did you get such a fine projectile mechanism?

Me: I know a guy. (The Corrupted Gem runs right past us)

Steven: There it is!

Me: Okay! Gun it! (Steven presses the button and the rocket blasts off and speeds towards the corrupted gem) That's it come to mama. (I pull out a net and I come in closer to catch it) Who's laughing now, Peri! I told you you should just leave it to someone with a more thorough, well thought out- (We miss the monster and we hit a rock and the rocket explodes. (Don't worry folks, no one was harmed in the making of this fanfiction))

Me: Ouch.

Peridot: Ouch.

Steven: Ouch. [Fade to black]

Peridot: So much for your "fool proof plan", Marble. Next time you should cut off the fool!

Me: Minor setback. This plan has a more 95% chance of succeeding.

Steven: What is the other 5%?

Me: We end up in horrible pain. But, don't worry! I've seen this in every cartoon ever. It shall work! (It reveals that I've created a paper mache costume of a female version of the Corrupted Gem.)

(The corrupted gem monster was walking through the desert when it sees me walking like a girl)

Me: Hey there big boy... (The gem monster was allured and walked towards me)

Steven: Wow, it's really working.

(I walked towards the monster but my paper tongue gets stuck to a pointy rock and it tore up the top half of my costume. The monster caught on to my ruse and growled at me. I soon noticed the half of my costume broke off and I try to cover myself)

Me: What are you looking at pervert? (The monster attacked me) AAH! AAAAH! NOT THE FACE! PLEASE! AAAH! (Steven and Peridot winced at this. Transition to night time)

(Steven is cooking a marshmallow as I bandage up my wounds)

Peridot: So, Marble. I guess your plans have prove to be failiures. Who's laughing now?

Me: It hurts when I laugh...

Peridot: Me, however has come up with a most genius plan! Behold! (Shows me the construction of the injector) Yes! This is going to work. This is going to be perfect! This is going to be... (Without proper support beams, the injector falls apart) ...a waste of my time.

Me: Hm. Guess we're both failiures today, huh? (Peridot sighs and we walk over to Steven, who is enjoying his marshmallows next to the campfire.)

Peridot: Why can't I master this?

Steven: Aw, guys, it's okay. Even if none of your plans worked, at least they were really funny. The others will probably think so, too, when we go back and get 'em.

Me: Oh no you don't! If the Gems find out about this, I'll never live it down!

Peridot: For once, I agree with Marble. Let it be known that I, Peridot, refuse to move forward or back until I am victorious.

Steven: Right.

Peridot: I don't get it. I'm smarter than your average Peridot. How did I fail today against some barely functional, stupid, cloddy, dumb-dumb?!

Steven: Hey, hey, corruptions aren't dumb. They just think a little different, that's all.

Me: You say different, I say smug little mutant.

Peridot: Okay, just to make sure my Earth vocabulary is correct on this... let's say I'm a monster. I spend all my time slamming my face into hard objects and throwing my tongues in the air for fun. How am I not... dumb?

Steven: Well, she must be doing something right. She hasn't fallen for any of your Peri-plans.

Me: That's because she's smarter than the average corruption.

Peridot: It's not smart! It's luck! Nothing that thing does makes any sense!

(Steven starts throwing marshmallows at Peridot.)

Peridot: Hey.

(Steven taunts the anticipation of another marshmallow and throws another one, eventually throwing dozens.)

Peridot: [Growls] [Yells] Why are you bombarding me with your confectionery puff rocks?!

Steven: To show you what it's like to be a monster! Pretend I'm a freaked-out human screaming at you in fear! Pretend I'm an Earth animal chasing you away from your first safe hiding spot! Pretend I'm an angry green Gem trying to poof you! This is life for you now. Endless suffering!

Peridot: [Grunts] [Yells]

(Peridot finally breaks and steals the marshmallows bag from Steven. She chews and waves it around in a fit of anger, proving Steven's point.)

Steven: There! You see?

Peridot: Yeah.

Steven: What you're doing makes total sense! You remember what it was like to have everything important taken away? Being under attack? Feeling trapped? You were frustrated. So is she! Why don't you try thinking about all of this from her point of view?

Me: Of course! All this time we've been thinking about the monster when we should be thinking like the monster! (Turns to Peridot) Peri, what do you say we work together on this Peri-Plan?

Peridot: Hmm.

[Transition to daytime]

(The Corrupted Gem is seen shooting her tongues into the air as Steven, Peridot, and I spy on her current activity.)

Me: There she is. Peridot, you're up.

Steven: You can do it.

(Peridot walks over to the Corrupted Gem. The Corrupted Gem watches Peridot intently.)

Peridot: Ugh. I can't take this dirty tongue-flapper seriously.

Steven: Think... like... a monster.

(Peridot, after some consideration, begins to "think like a monster" and shoot her tongue in the air. The Corrupted Gem approves of it. Peridot hops over and continues hopping as the two shoot their tongues in the air as playtime, which Steven finds cute as he watches. After some time, Peridot sneaks up to the snarling Corrupted Gem and kicks her, triggering the Corrupted Gem into a frenzy. Steven runs over to fix things up.)

Peridot: Hey!

Steven: It's okay! We don't want to fight! Just let Peridot bubble you! We can all get along-

(Steven is inadvertently knocked away in a bubble by the Corrupted Gem.)

Me: Hang on, buddy! I'm coming! [I run up to the monster and I hang on to the legs) It's all you, Peridot!

(Peridot continues to wrestle the Corrupted Gem until they meet the edge of a cliff.)

Steven: No, no, no, no, no!

Me: Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Peridot: Give me... that... gem!

(The Corrupted Gem slips and falls, taking Peridot with her.)

Steven: Peridot! [Gasps]

(Steven floats down and I jump down to see what happened.)

Me: Peridot! Are you okay? (Peridot climbs out of the crater she and the Corrupted Gem made. The Corrupted Gem has finally poofed.)

Peridot: [Pants heavily] I did it.

Steven: [Sighs]

(Steven helps Peridot out of the hole. Garnet comes onto the scene.)

Steven: Oh, hey. You're back!

Garnet: Eh, we never really left.

(The Crystal Gems reveal they were watching the whole time.)

Amethyst: We knew it'd be funny.

Garnet: Future vision.

Peridot: Y-you were all watching this whole time?

Me: Including my painful failiures?

Garnet: Yep.

Amethyst: And they were hilarious! (Amethyst laughs. I groan and blush)

(Peridot holds the Corrupted Gem's gemstone in front of her, proof of her success in catching the monster.)

Peridot: I told you I could do it. But I have to admit, it was more difficult than expected. This Corrupted Gem was truly an adversary worthy of my skill.

(Peridot inadvertently bubbles the gemstone.)

Steven: Whoa! Peridot!

Me: You're first bubble! (sniffs) They grow up so fast!

Amethyst: Yeah. Nice bubble, Peri!

Peridot: W-what do I do with it?

Garnet: Send it off.

Steven: Just tap the top.

(Peridot does so, and the bubble travels elsewhere.)

Steven: Happy trails!

Peridot: So, where did it go?

Steven: Home.

Me: Well, Peridot. I have to hand it to ya. Today, I saw a dfferent side of you. One I can totally respect. (I put my arm over my shoulder)

Peridot: Yes. You weren't so terrible yourself, Marble. (As we walk home)

Me: So I was thinking. Since you are an inventor, you can handle pyrotechnics right? Because I got a big plan to rennovate my room into an arsenal. I'm thinking laser swords on the walls, anvil weights. Ooh! And a huge fish tank with pirahnnas! You know like you did with the barn but.. cooler?

Peridot: Oh boy...

[END]


	63. Year 4 - Last One Out of Beach City

**Year 4 -** **Last One Out of Beach City**

[The episode opens in the Beach House. Pearl and Steven are sitting on the couch, doing a puzzle, and Amethyst and Me are shapeshifted into balls, bouncing rapidly and excitedly, shaking the table]

Pearl: Amethyst... Marble...

Steven: Do you mind not bouncing so much?

Amethyst: (Is still bouncing but shapeshifts back in midair, falling,) Oof! Uh, sorry. I'm just super excited. Greg is taking us to a show!

Steven: A show? You mean like at the (puts on a fake British accent) theater?

Me: Yeah. If you call insanely loud rock music theater!

Amethyst: Yeah! Like a band! At a house, with a bunch of people hanging out and doing stuff!

Steven: Oh man, that sounds cool! We have an awesome night planned, too! We're doing a puzzle.

Me: (Sarcastically) Wow, that does sound awesome.

Steven: I know! Wanna join us?

Me: Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it?

Pearl: I know it sounds tame. But it has 612 pieces. And no corners!

Steven: (Picks up a puzzle piece.) I.. found a corner.

Pearl: (Surprised.) Oh! (Disappointed.) Oh...

Greg: (Enters the house.) Hey, y'all!

Me: Mr Universe! My man!

Amethyst: Greg, Greg, Greg, Greg! So, you ready to throw down in the pit?

Greg: No pits for me tonight.

Me: What's the matter? Did you blow all your dough on solid gold flip flops?

Greg: No. I'm sorry, guys, it totally slipped my mind that Barb and Vidalia invited me over for cards.

Amethyst: Cards?! Ugh, who broke you guys out of the retirement home?

Me: Come on, Greg! Can't you ditch those grannies and ride with us?

Greg: Trust me, I'd love to go to the show! But Barb threatened to hold my mail if I didn't. She is not a woman of empty threats.

Me: You're worried about mail? Ah, forget it! We'll just go together! (Wraps her arm around Amethyst) Right, Am?

Amethyst: No way! We can't just go show-lo, that'll be boring!

Me: What's the matter? (Teases) Afraid I'll embarrass you?

Amethyst: No Marble...

Pearl: Well. You could hang out with us tonight.

Amethyst: And do a puzzle? Ha, maybe we could fit in some knitting, too.

Pearl: That's... not what I meant. We could go to the show with you.

Steven: Really?

Me: Woah, woah, woah! Time out! You're telling me that you, Pearl, the pointy-nose-in-the-air, tea drinkin', fancy pantsed, ballerina actually want to go to a radcal rock concert with pushing and loud music?

Pearl: That description was rather uneccecary, but yes. I've done my fair share of pushing. You three just never saw me in action! Breaking every rule, taking on the authorities, so I could indulge in the joys of life on- (I burst out in laughter)

Me: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You break a rule?! (Laughs out some more, Pearl glared at me) I'm sorry. It's just that... You have never broke a rule in you entire life. I mean, you're always so organized and neat.

Pearl: Yes, I know...

Me: You never ate anything and you dance ballet...

Pearl: Marble...

Me: And don't get me started on your safety lectures-

Pearl: Enough! Yes, I get it. I don't look like the kind of gem who would disobey orders. But, that's the regular Pearl. Tonight, you're going to see a me you have never seen before! Oh, a sky piece! (Picks up a puzzle piece and connects it to the puzzle.)

Steven: Nice!

Me: Oh ho ho. This should be fun.

Greg: Well, if you'd like to go, you guys can take the Dondai!

Pearl: Thank you, Greg!

Steven: Woohoo! Rock show!

Amethyst: Hold on, Pearl. This is a human thing, not a gem war. Before you rock out, you're gonna wanna blend in.

(Later, in the Big Donut. Pearl is seen wearing a jacket and jeans)

Amethyst: Now you're lookin' good!

Pearl: Oh, yes. But I can make it look even gooder. (Flips up the jacket's collar.) It's cool, because the collar isn't supposed to go that way.

Amethyst: You a natural!

Steven: (Looking at drinks in the fridge.) We're almost set on snacks for the road. We just need some beverages. (Takes two cans out of the fridge.) Strawberry Sugar Shock Shutdown or good old-fashioned apple juice?

Amethyst: Definitely Sugar Shock Shutdown. (Takes the can from Steven.) It turns everything red. (Opens the can before shoving the whole thing in her mouth and eating it.)

Me: How about you, Pearlie?

Pearl: Why not. I think I'll try drinkin' tonight.

Steven: Wow, really? I didn't know you liked apple juice! (Hands Pearl the can.)

Pearl: There's a lot you don't know about me, Steven. (Tries to open the can, but fails.)

Me: Want me to help you with that?

Pearl: I'm fine. (Struggles to open the can)

Steven: So, Amethyst, tell me more about this band we're seeing.

Amethyst: We're going to see Mike Krol. He's got that real garage vibe. Songs about being nostalgic for the suburbs.

Me: Wait. A garage band? I thought we were going to a big concert.

Amethyst: Chill, Marbs. It is a big concert. Dude's a garage rock legend.

Me: Well, yeah. But, I was hoping I would do some crowd-surfing. I've been practicing...

Pearl: (Finally manages to get the can open.) Nostalgic for the suburbs? Psh, they've only existed for, what, 70 years?

Amethyst: (Chuckles) Okay, so, when we get there, we gotta walk in like we own the place.

Me: And talk the appropriate slang. Now, repeat after me. "What's up?"

Pearl: What's up? Why would humans greet like that?

Me: Because they're cool like that! Now, repeat this: "Yo! Check that biz out! That's wicked awesome!"

(As I teached Pearl some slang, the store's doors open, and after seeing the person walk in, Pearl spits out her juice. A girl with long pink hair walks in, and Pearl stares at her as she walks by.)

Amethyst: (Pointing at the girl) Oh, hey, right there! Perfect example!

Pearl: (Apple juice can falls out of her hand onto the floor.)

Steven: ... Pearl? You okay?

Pearl: Uhh... I just didn't realize humans could come with pink hair.

Steven: (Chuckles) They don't! You gotta go to the store and get this goo. It smells really bad, and it turns your hair whatever color you want!

Me: No no, Steven. I know that face. (I come close to Pearl) You like what you see? Kinda looks like _her_ , doesn't she? (Pearl blushes)

Pearl: Umm... I don't know what your talking about. A-A-Are you implying that I like that human because she looks like... (She sees me smirking and crosses her arms) Ugh! You're being ridiculous!

Steven: Why don't you just talk to her?

Amethyst: Hey, yeah! We're about to go hang out with a bunch of cool humans! Go do a practice round! (Chanting) Do it, do it, do it!

Me: You know you want to...

Pearl: (Nervously walks up to the mystery girl, who is currently fixing a drink. Pearl peeks over her shoulder at her, before attempting to casually pick up a cup and accidentally knocking the whole stack of cups over. ) I... Uh... (Mystery Girl walks away and exits the Big Donut.)

Me: (Facepalms) Oh, boy...

Amethyst: ... Wooow, woah woah woah, wow!

(Cut to the inside of the Dondai. Steven buckles up in the backseat, while Amethyst takes the passenger seat, and Pearl buckles up in the driver seat.)

Amethyst: Well, you sure showed those cups who's boss.

Pearl: Amethyst, seat belt.

(Amethyst buckles up.)

Me: Don't feel so bad, Pearl. I mean, you only have one shot at a first impression... I'm sure that didn't count.

Pearl: Let's not worry about that. Now let's go have the night of our lives! (Turns the radio on and begins to drive.)

(Amethyst airdrums along to the song for a while, and nobody speaks until Steven breaks the silence.)

Steven: Okay, nobody's gonna say it? She kinda looked like Mom. You noticed, I noticed, we all noticed.

Amethyst: Oh. Ohhh! That's why you were acting like such a goon! Ha!

Me: Duh! Why did you think I was giving her the buisness back there? She's clearly hittin' on her.

Pearl: No, I'm not. I'm done thinking about the past. Tonight, I'm all about the future. I'm going to a show. I'm a new gem who loves socializing with humans.

Amethyst: That's what that was?

Pearl: Look, you weren't there by the cups. I could've talked to her! The timing was just wrong.

Me: Pearl, relax. You're not expected to get it right the first time. You just need to figure out what to say to her.

(Just then, the Mystery Girl pulls up next to the Dondai on a motorcycle.)

Steven: It's the girl! She's driving right next to us!

Amethyst: No way!

Me: Either this is a concidence, or you got a stalker, Pearl.

Steven: You've got another chance!

Amethyst: Yeah, do something!

Pearl: Like what? Flash my lights? Honk at her?

Me: No, no. You gotta be subtle.

Amethyst: Yeah! Just shoot her a look! ... Wait, not yet! Okay, okay. You can look... now!

(Pearl nervously looks over at the Mystery Girl. She looks back at Pearl and smiles. Pearl blushes. Mystery Girl drives up ahead of the Dondai, and drives through a yellow light, and continues driving as the Dondai gets stuck at a red light.)

Me: And you blew it again...

Amethyst: Ooh, there she goes.

Steven: Hey, maybe she's going to the same show as us!

Amethyst: I dunno. A girl that cool probably knows about a million shows going on tonight.

Me: (I look at Pearl) Hmm... I say we follow her!

Steven: What? But what about the show?

Me: Just look at Pearl, Steve. She's just gotta talk that girl!

(As we were talking, Pearl looks up at the red light anxiously.)

Steven: (Off-screen) Wow, Marble. You really want Pearl to talk to this girl.

Me: (Off-screen) It's not just that! I'm a Crystal Gem. I know love when I see it. It's basically in our blood. If.. we have blood that is. With our bodies being illusions it's hard to-

(Suddenly, Pearl gets a determined look on her face as she shifts the car's gears, and hits the gas pedal, speeding through the red light.)

Me: WOAH!

Steven: Pearl!

Amethyst: (Yells in surprise, then begins to laugh.) Yeah, P!

Me: That's what I'm talking about!

Steven: W-What're you doing? The light was red!

Pearl: I know. (Shifts gears again, and begins to catch up to the Mystery Girl.)

Amethyst: There she is!

Steven: What's your plan?!

Pearl: New Pearl. No plan.

Steven: Oh, no kidding.

Me: I am loving this new 'tude right now!

(A police car sounds its siren as it begins to chase the Dondai.)

Steven: The police want us!

Amethyst: Oh, snap!

Pearl: (Gasps.) What do I do?!

Steven: You have to pull over to the side and show them your license.

Pearl: I don't have a license!

Amethyst: Haha, oh, right.

Steven: But you're old!

Pearl: What was I supposed to tell the DMV? That I'm from another planet?! I'm not exactly a citizen, Steven!

Steven: Then what do we do?!

Me: Relax. I've seen this kind of stuff on TV. The cops can easily be bribed. (I reach towards my shorts and couldn't find any pockets) Heh heh.. Must've left it in my other shorts.

(Pearl steps on the gas while Steven and Amethyst yell. They speed past the Mystery Girl with the police in pursuit. Pearl turns up the music while Amethyst cheers.)

Steven: Pearl, you can't just drive away! This is serious!

Amethyst: Pearl, you're a total bad- (Cut off by the sound of the tires screeching.)

Pearl: This is why we buckle up.

(Pearl makes several sharp turns, leading the cop car on a high-speed pursuit.)

Amethyst: Woohoo!

Steven: Oh boy.

Me: (I stick my head out the window) I feel so alive! WOOOO!

(The chase continues until Pearl spots a billboard that reads "OCEAN TOWN - No longer on FIRE". Pearl spins the Dondai around and parks it behind the billboard, out of the sight of the police. The police car drives by, not seeing them.)

Amethyst: Are they gone?

Pearl: I think so. (Everyone sighs in relief. Pearl attempts to start the engine, but fails.)

Steven: What is it?

Pearl: We're out of gas.

Amethyst: Aw, what?

Steven: Wait, I'll find a gas station. (Steven pulls out his phone.) Looks like the closest one is... 20 miles away.

Amethyst: (Facepalms.) Ugh.

Me: Now what?

(Cut to the four walking alongside the road. Pearl stops abruptly.)

Pearl: I can't believe this.

Amethyst: Huh?

Pearl: I was so ready! I really wanted to see your Krol.

Steven: What are you talking about?

Pearl: (Throws her jacket on the ground, and struggles to get out of her jeans.) I was going to drink a juice and wear these - ugh - pants! (Falls over.) And hit people gently enough as to not actually hurt them, and you'd say, "Wow, Pearl is really cool!" But nooo, instead, we drove to loud music, chased a mysterious woman into the night, and broke the law. Ugh, I've lost my edge. I should have stayed home with the puzzle.

Me: (I sigh and I sat down next to Pearl) Listen, Pearl. I know I remember that you are stuffy, boring, and safety crazy. But, I also remeber a time where you were actually willing to take risks. You would do anything, fight any army, climb every mountain and run down every mile, all for... _her_. (Pearl looks at me) But, tonight, you did something I never thought you would never do again in almost eons... You surprised me. (Pearl smiled at me)

Amethyst: Yeah, dude! You're so hardcore! Who cares about pants? You gunned it from the cops!

Steven: That's the most scared I've been since you almost let me die! You're a criminal now!

Pearl: "Now"? I've been a criminal for 6,000 years.

Me: Oh snap! (Amethyst chuckles)

(Music can be heard in the distance.)

Steven: Wait. Do you hear that?

(Cut to the three making their way through bushes to find the source of the music, the Mike Krol concert.)

Steven: We made it!

Mike Krol: (Sings "Like a Star" while a crowd dances and lip-syncs along.)

Steven: (Gasps.) And there's the girl! She's actually here! (Points to the Mystery Girl standing nearby.)

Amethyst: No way.

Pearl: I'm going to talk to her.

Amethyst: (Nervously.) Look, Pearl. I already think you're cool. You can ease into the socializing with humans thing.

Me: Am, this ain't about socalizin'. Go for it, Pearlie! (I give her a thumbs up)

Pearl: Watch Steven for me. (Pearl approaches the Mystery Girl.)

Amethyst: Wait, no! You can start smaller! Talk to a nerd! (I punched her in the arm) Ow.

(Pearl holds out her hand to the Mystery Girl.)

Amethyst: Oh no! Oh, she's starting with a handshake?!

(Mystery Girl shakes Pearl's hand with a smile.)

Me: She's shaking her hand.

Steven: Oh! She went for it! They're both smiling!

(Pearl begins to speak to the Mystery Girl.)

Amethyst: I can't believe this. Oh, what is Pearl saying?

(Mystery Girl begins to laugh.)

Steven: I don't know, but the girl's laughing.

Amethyst: Do you think she's laughing at her or with her?

Steven: Hard to tell.

Amethyst: Shh, she's coming back!

(Me, Steven, and Amethyst run over to Pearl.)

Steven: How'd it go?

Pearl: I asked her about her hair, and then she asked how I colored mine. I told her, "My appearance is just a conscious manifestation of light." and she said, "I know how that is." although, heh, I highly doubt it. Oh! And then I added, "By the way, I saved your planet, and your species, and you're welcome."

Me: She's cool with that?

Pearl: I don't think so. She walked off after giving me some sort of code. (Holds out a piece of paper that reads "S. 301-555-0189".)

Amethyst: (Laughs.) No way!

Me: You got her digits, girl!

Steven: She wants you to call her and talk to her on the phone!

Pearl: Oh... well... I don't have a phone.

Amethyst: Pearl! You just like gave her some Shakesperian spiel about light, then got her number like it was nothing?! (Laughs.) Pearl, you're a total rockstar!

Me: (I wrap my arms aound Pearl) That's my Pearlie.

(Pearl looks down at the sheet of paper and smiles.)

("Fifteen Minutes" by Mike Krol begins to play as credits like those at the end of a comedy movie play, listing Pearl as "Repressed Nerd", Amethyst as "Ultimate Wingman", Steven as "Voice of Reason", Marble as "The Best Friend", and Mystery Girl as herself.)


	64. Year 4 - Gem Harvest (Part 1)

**Year 4: Gem Harvest (Part 1)**

Ahh, the fall season. The season of falling leaves, spiced lattes, tv schedules, and a time to catch up with old friends.

[Steven and I were outside the barn and Steven was knocking on the door]

Steven: Peridot, Lapis. We're here! Did you forget your favorite Steven was coming over to spend the night?

Me: More importantly I'm here to spend the night with my favorite water witch.

[No answer, but Steven looks to the side of the barn, seeing an alien plush with antlers on top.]

Steven: Aha! A door knocky thing! (Steven walks over to it, and pulls the rope around it and it falls)

Me: Yeah, that's not a door thing. [We look at the at farmland in front of the barn]

Steven: Hey, that looks new. [Steven begins to walk through the corn field while holding the plush and antlers] Peridot, Lapis! I-I'm sorry I broke your door thingy! I wanted to fix it, but I don't know how it goes together! Makes a pretty neat mask though. (sees the farmland scenery) Wow! Did I just die and go to the back of a cereal box?

Me: I gotta say this barn is really starting to look more lively. All this thanks to MiracleGro.

Lapis: (water stops running as she flies over) Hi, Steven!

Me: Lapis! Darling so good to see you!

Lapis: Marble! [hugs me] You too!

Me: How's Peridot?

[Peridot, who is riding a tractor in the background, notices us as well.]

Peridot: Steven! Marble! (She suddenly goes offscreen with the tractor, then it returns quickly) I'm on a tractor!

Me: I can see that.

Lapis: Did I spray you by accident?

Steven: Just a little. (Steven shakes his head back and forth to dry off.)

Lapis: Haha. So glad you could make it.

Peridot: Steven! How do you like our little- (The tractor stops, causing Peridot to jolt.) Ough! Experiment?

Steven: It's amazing. What made you want to start farming stuff all of a sudden?

Peridot: I have all the skills required for growing Gems. I figured, why not try growing something else?

Me: Wow, Peridot. I guess you really do have a.. green thumb! [laughs]

Peridot: Yes. Very humorous. (She jumps off of the tractor.) Who knows? Maybe my vegitations are ready now! (She pulls an ear of corn off of the stalk.) Hello, corn. (She waits for a response.) Maybe she can't hear me in there? (She examines the corn.) I MADE YOU IN MY IMAGE, YOU WILL DO AS I SAY!

[Steven and I are laughing in the background]

Me: You still got a lot to learn about being on this planet, Peri. One being: vegetables can't "follow orders".

Peridot: They can't? Well, then, what's the point of vegetables? (She throws the corn onto the ground.) I have to admit, I've really been starting to miss the pitter-patter of full-sized Gem soldiers...

Lapis: It does get pretty quiet around here...

Peridot: Come on, Lapis. Let's go disassemble the tractor.

Me: Oh, don't be like that. You grow a great garden. [Eats some strawberries as she walks with Lapis and Peridot] These strawberries are so good!

Steven: All they wanted to do was make a living vegetable. Wait! I know how to do that! Garnet says not to lick stuff I find on the ground, but this is for a good cause. (Steven picks up a pumpkin seed and licks it, then puts it in the ground.)

[Scene cut to the next day. The barn is visible behind a stretch of farmland.]

Peridot: Hurry, Steven!

Steven: Peridot, slow down!

Peridot: But you need to see, we did it!

Me: Did what exactly?

Peridot: This! [Lapis observes a small pumpkin dog. The pumpkin dog is jumping and barking.] Guess you don't know how vegetables work after all.

Steven: Heheh. Yeah, you guys sure showed me.

Peridot: Come now, my little creation! You can assist in harvesting the rest of your kind. (She detaches the pumpkin dog from its stem and holds it in her hand. The pumpkin dog jumps out of her hand and runs to Steven.)

Steven: Uhh, must be the pumpkin treats in my back pocket. Heheh...

Me: Alright, Universe. What did you do?

Steven: What? Me? No, I didn't do anything.

Me: Yeah, right. And Peridot suddenly has the power to make vegetables come to life.

Peridot: Who says I don't have these powers? But what I don't understand is why isn't it obeying us?

Lapis: (She walks near Steven and stands besides Peridot.) It's only just come into existence, and it already doesn't like us.

Steven: Oh, come on. Go to Peridot and Lapis! (He pushes the pumpkin dog closer to

Peridot and Lapis. The pumpkin dog jumps into Steven's arms.) Oop! I'm sorry, I think he's coming to me because... I'm the one who made him.

Me: Called it.

Peridot: Oh. That explains it.

Lapis: (She picks up a pumpkin.) Well, we made this one.

Peridot: It's... okay. But look at Steven's. It has a face and everything...

Lapis: It's true. Ours doesn't have a face...

Steven: Oh no! Don't be sad! Wait right here. I have an idea. [Steven runs toward the pumpkin field.] My dad showed me how to do this once. (He picks up a trowel) First we make a mouth. Nyeh! (He carves in the pumpkin and the pumpkin dog starts to get confused.)

Me: Uh, Steven?

Steven: Then we make two eyes. (The pumpkin dog whimpers.) Hmm...

Me: Steven?

Steven: Looking pretty good. Oh, you know what? I almost forgot a really important step. (He carves into the pumpkin.) You have to hollow it out! (I snatch the pumpkin away from Steven)

Me: STEVEN!

Steven: What?

Me: Uh, has it occured to you that you're carving a jack-o-lantern out of... (Points at Pumpkin Dog who is incredibly frightened) HIS OWN KIND?

Steven: [Realizing his mistake] Oh... I'd thought he'd be okay with it...

[The pumpkin dog freaks out and runs in Lapis's arms.]

Peridot: Yay! It loves us now. (The pumpkin dog barks at Steven.) Awww, it's okay, Veggie Head. That brute can't get you now.

Steven: Oh. Heheheh. It's nice to have a new addition to the family.

Me: Yeah. Every family needs a pet.

[A plane flies overhead in the direction of the barn. Steven, Peridot, Lapis, and I look up in surprise.]

Steven: Huh?

[Transition to the barn. The pilot has parked his plane nearby and is standing in front of the barn.]

?: Ah-what?! What the...?! Hobos broke into the barn!

[Me, Steven, Peridot, and Lapis arrive.]

Peridot: Hey! Don't you touch our things!

?: You're hobettes? A hobo is a man's job.

Me: Who says we women can't be hoboes?

?: I did! You big purple hack!

Me: [Angrily] Hack!? That's it, bub! I'm gonna send you flying without a plane or a parachute! [Steven holds me back]

Lapis: Who's the human and what's he yelling about?

Peridot: The real question is: where are my attack drones? (Repeatedly presses a button on a remote)

?: Wait a minute. Those mysterious constructions, your weird appearance, your strange jewels. I know what you are. You're hippies! I heard about you on AM radio. What are you doin', comin' in here, socializin' this fine, American barn? [Steven looks confused, Peridot continues to press her remote, and Lapis sighs before picking up the man with a water hand.] Whaaah! (The man is lifted into the air and surrounded by Peridot's drones.)

Peridot: Oh, there they are.

Steven: Wait! Don't hurt him!

Lapis: But he's attacking us, and our home.

Me: Don't worry Steven. We wont hurt him. We're just gonna kick him back to where he came from. Now, which way am I kicking?

Steven: No, Marble. (Approaches the man) Uh, hello! How's it goin'?

?: Uh, how do you think?

Steven: Uh, yeah... We just wanted to know what you want.

?: What I want? I want you hippies out of my barn!

Steven: Your barn?

[Some time later, Greg arrives in his van with the other Crystal Gems. Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst approach the others.]

Steven: There they are.

Pearl: Greg got your message and we came, too.

Amethyst: Is that the human giving you trouble? (Points at the man)

Garnet: I told you you two could use a guard dog. (The pumpkin dog runs up barking beside Lapis.)

Me: Does he count?

Garnet: I guess that works.

Greg: What're you doin' to that guy up there?

Lapis: Just... putting him down. (Drops the man)

?: Uhhh! Not cool. (Notices Greg) Greg?

Greg: Andy?

Pearl: They know each other?

Andy: This is perfect! Come on, help me chase off these freeloaders. They're usin' some kinda hippie mind tricks.

Me: You're the freeloader, airhead!

Greg: Umm...

Andy: Who told you you could move in here and mess this whole place up?

Greg: I did, Andy.

Andy: You did? This is my parents' barn!

Me: It's not yours if you don't live in it. It says so in the aincent rules of "finders keepers".

Steven: Um, Dad, who is this?

Andy: "Dad"? You mean...? No way.

Greg: Steven, this is Andy. He's my cousin. Andy, meet Steven. He's my... son.

Steven: Wow! It's really nice to meet you! Does that mean you're my... first cousin, once removed?

Andy: Forget that nonsense! (Pulls Steven into a hug, prompting the other Gems to tense) You call me Uncle Andy. I'm an uncle. I can't believe it. Greg, ya little turd, how come you never told me?

Greg: How was I supposed to? I haven't seen you in years!

Andy: And who's fault is that? You thought you were so much better than us, you just got in your van and drove away.

Greg: That was like two decades ago!

Steven: Uncle Andy, can I get down now?

Andy: Oh, sorry, Steven. (Puts down Steven) I ain't used to holdin' nephews. (Speaks to Greg) 'Cause I didn't know I had one! So, uh, which one of these girls is the wife? I gotta give her my condolences, right? [Laughs] Hey, come on. What, I gotta guess, here? (Motions to Garnet) It's gotta be you. I bet this useless lump needs a big girl to keep him in line. You're not big, I'm just saying. You're tall, not, you know.

Greg: Rose is... no longer with us.

Andy: Uh, wow. I-I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Greg: These people are sort of like her family, so I offered to let these two stay in the barn.

(Motions to Peridot and Lapis)

Andy: Yeah? Ah, well, that was real nice of ya. But the barn's for the DeMayo family.

Me: De-whatto?

Steven: Wh-What's a Demayo?

Andy: (Surprised) Andy Demayo. Greg DeMayo. Steven DeMayo. We're the DeMayos.

Greg: Actually, we're, um, the Universes, now.

Andy: You space walnut! You didn't even keep the family name, but you're goin' around, givin' family property out like candy on... some kind of candy-givin'-out holiday?

Me: Are you talking about Halloween?

Steven: You're telling me Universe isn't a real last name?!

Greg: It is a real name. I had it changed. Andy, look, they just really needed a place. (Motions to the Gems) They're alien refugees from space and-

Andy: They're illegal aliens! Wha...? You couldn't even marry an American?!

Greg: What does that matter?!

Steven: DeMayo's a much cooler name than plain old Universe.

Andy: You turned your back on your family just so you could get in with a bunch of weirdo, hippie, Martian immigrants. (Points at Peridot and Lapis) You two, get the heck off my planet, out of my country, and out of my barn!

Me: [cracks knuckles] Over my dead body!

Peridot: Reactivating attack drones.

Steven: Ah! Wait! Uncle Andy?

Andy: Yeah?

Steven: I'm sorry we took over the barn. I didn't even know we had any other family to share it with.

Andy: You didn't, huh?

Steven: But this barn? It means a lot to all of us. We spent so much time together here.

Andy: Well, my family spent a lot of time here, too. Once a year, we'd all meet up here, catch up, eat a big meal, have a good time. Years and years of family tradition.

Steven: Oh, yeah? Well, we can do that, too. We've got a farm here with plenty of food. Let's make a big, traditional meal and eat it together. You'll have a good time, and then you'll have to admit their family. And would you kick family out of the family barn?

Andy: Ahh... Greg, you're lucky you got such a cute kid. I know he didn't get it from you.

Greg: So, you're letting them...

Andy: I'll give your coven a chance and eat your dinner, but only 'cause I lost my sandwich in the Atlantic. Now, excuse me, I gotta go get my junk out of the plane. (Leaves)

Steven: You think this'll work?

Greg: Maybe. Andy's never been the type to change his mind about something, and he's really got his longjohns in a twist. It's gonna take a lot to calm him down. (Leaves)

Me: Besides, there's always plan B.

Steven: You're not kicking him to Alaska!

Me: Who says I'm kicking him to Alaska? Besides Egypt's further. And the weather's kinda nice this time of year.

Amethyst: Marb's got a point. I don't like this guy. I don't like some (scoffs) new Greg just showing up out of nowhere.

Pearl: (eyes closed, arms folded) Our Greg is clearly the superior one.

Lapis: We're not leaving our home.

Peridot: If that clod thinks he can PUSH US AROUND-

Garnet: Andy is a part of Steven's family. We should make an effort to get on his good side.

Steven: If he's my family, he's yours too.

Garnet: Gems don't have family. At least (looks at Steven and smiles) not before we came here. (Steven smiles and Garnet leans down) So for the sake of our family, tell us what to do. (Pearl, Amethyst, Lapis and Peridot all look at Steven and join in a huddle. I stood by the huddle with my arms crossed)

Steven: Come on, Marble. You too.

Me: He called me a hack and a hippie...

Garnet: We need everyone's help on this. We're family. (I sigh)

Me: Fine... But I got my eye on that punky pilot. (I join the huddle) So what's the plan, little man?

Steven: Let's get cooking.

[To Be Continued]


	65. Year 4 - Gem Harvest (Part 2)

**Year 4: Gem Harvest (Part 2)**

So here we are, making an unfogettable feast for a disgruntled pilot. I still have my doubts that we can turn this guy around considering he's not crazy about rouge Gems living in his barn.

[Time sequence of the Gems harvesting the vegetables on the farm. Garnet summons her gauntlets and punches the ground, making carrots pop up into the air, and Lapis flies down, catching them in a bag.]

Lapis: Okay, give me the next row.

Garnet: Alright. (sound of her punching the ground again in the distance as the camera cuts to Greg, Andy, and Steven)

Andy: Whoa. Your aunt is uh, pretty strong.

Steven: She works out.

Andy: Yeah I'll bet.

[Amethyst is laughing around with the Pumpkin Dog and she shapeshifts into one.]

Amethyst: Arf! Arf! (The Pumpkin Dog begins to chase her around as Steven laughs. Amethyst jumps on Me and licks my face)

Me: (Laughs) Ha ha ha ha! Stop it, Amethyst! Ha ha ha!

[Garnet is harvesting and throwing corn in the air behind her, landing into the bag where Lapis is. The Pumpkin Dog barks and ends up in the bad too. Garnet turns and throws one a little off distance.]

Garnet: Sorry, flyball!

[Lapis swings the bag around and catches it.]

Steven: Yeah! [Lapis sets the bag down on the ground, revealing the vegetables.] This looks amazing! (Pumpkin Dog emerges from the pile and barks)

Garnet: For a vegetable garden, I'd say we're pretty fruitful.

Andy: Is it just going to be a bunch of vegetables? (sighs) I should have figured, you're a bunch of vegetarians!

Steven: A vegetable grown by a family's love nourishes the body and soul.

Andy: Aw, don't let them get to you Steven. I'll get you a stick of pepperoni for your birthday.

[A propellor is being heard on the other side of the field. Peridot is operating a control panel, and Pearl is inspecting the top, with an engine.]

Pearl: Hmm. Let's turn it down to about 2000 degrees, for now.

Peridot: Sounds puny. (turns it down)

Steven: (walking over) I like the propellor on it. It's like Andy themed. I bet he's gonna love this! (calls over to Greg and Andy) We're ready for the veggies now!

Greg: Be over in a sec, Shtoo-ball!

[Greg and Andy head over and set the boxes of vegetables down.]

Andy: (turns around) Hmm, seems like too much if you ask me-(sees the propellor and engine) Oh, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! (face turns read and seethes in anger)

Steven: Uh, Uncle Andy? (Garnet, Lapis, and Amethyst arrive)

Amethyst: Dude, what's wrong?

Andy: I'll tell you what's wrong, "dude"! Do you not see this abomination sitting right in front of you!

Me: (Looks at Peridot) Well, that's not a nice thing to say.

Andy: Not a nice thing... my ENGINE! You butchered my parents' plane and made, made- WHATEVER THIS THING IS!

Me: Oh, sorry. I thought you meant this abomination. (Points to Peridot, who glares at me)

Pearl: It's an oven cooktop combo.

Andy: It's TERRIBLE! That was the heart of the legendary wings of the "Daring DeMayos." I learned to FLY on this plane!

Me: Calm down, mac. We'll fix your plane good as new. Better even, Pearl here is a master mechanic.

Lapis: No one was even using that junk anyway.

Peridot: Now it's actually good for something.

Andy: See that's the problem with people like you, you think everything just belongs to you, cause nothing belongs to anybody, and you take it, and everything's cool! And it ain't cool!

Me: Hey! We're just trying to make you a nice dinner here! If you don't like it, why don't you leave?

Andy: How? I can't even use my plane anymore! (Andy and I growl at each other)

Greg: Andy?

Andy: (covers face) I'm gonna need a moment. I-I can't look at this right now. (storms off offscreen)

Steven: Uh-

Me: That's right! Walk away! Cause you know you're not hot enough to handle all this! (I gesture to all of me)

Greg: Andy, hold up! (follows him offscreen, and their voices are heard) They didn't know!

Andy: (offscreen) Right, I get it. In-laws

Steven: This is going down in flames.

Pearl: I'm sure Greg will turn this around.

Andy: (offscreen) What do you mean you weren't "technically married?!"

Greg: (offscreen) Look, Andy-

Me: You know there's always plan B.

Steven: No, Marble! We gotta up our game. It's going to take the ultimate party to turn this around. Like, all the best parties of all time put together!

Pearl: I think that's doable.

[Pearl, Garnet, Peridot, and Lapis are all in the van, waving to Me, Steven, Greg, Amethyst, and Andy. Pearl drives off.]

Pearl: See you in a bit!

Amethyst: Have fun!

[Scene cuts to a table outside the barn, where there are carrots and potatoes. Steven holds up a knife.]

Steven: Ready? (Pumpkin Dog's barking gets everyone's attention and they all look at Amethyst)

Amethyst: What's going on with the pumpkin?

Me: He has a certain fear of getting carved into a delightful Halloween decoration. Pumpkin Dog fearfully jumps out of Amethyst's arms and runs off)

Amethyst: Whoa! Chill out, dude! (She chases it as Pumpkin Dog whimpers)

Greg: You sure I can't help you with anything?

Steven: It's okay. Uncle Andy and I got it. (notices how Andy is peeling the potato altogether) Whoa! It's one peel!

Andy: Aunt Deb and I usually got put on kitchen duty when the family got together. I peeled a lot of potatoes back in my day.

Greg: Aw man, what's Aunt Deb been up to lately?

Andy: Suddenly you care about Aunt Deb? Ohh, "Mr. Curiousity". Let's see if I can cram 20 years into a sentence.

(I bang the table and send the vegetables flying in the air, then I summon my axe and slice them all into pieces and they all land on Steven's sheild)

Me: That's how we Marbles get it done.

Andy: Do you really have to smash the table like that?

Me: Come on the table's fine. (The table breaks in half, I nervously giggle)

Steven: Uh, I'm gonna get these onto the stove.

Andy: Sure.

[Steven places his shield on some bricks near the engine, functioning as a pot so the veggies cook]

Andy: Hehe. Hey. it works! You know I guess it's good these plane parts are getting some use. Maybe recycling ain't so bad.

Greg: Looks like you got a new plane, anyway.

Andy: And she's a good one, too. Been all over the world in that thing.

Steven: You've been all over the world?

Andy: You better believe it. It's really something else, you know? Just you and the hum of your engine up in that thin air, no other people, no living things around to uh, keep you company. (pause) Buut you know, it's not like there's much for me on the ground these days either, so.

Steven: Uh, Uncle Andy? (They hear the van's horn honking)

Andy: Your aunts are back.

[The Gems arrive, returning with groceries]

Pearl: So Andy, we heard you like marriage, so we thought, why don't we all marry each other? (I stood in shock)

Me: Say what now? (Peridot unveils a wedding cake with multiple figurines)

Peridot: Ta-daa! (Andy has a look of discomfort)

Pearl: And if that's not human enough for you, we can throw a little being born (camera cuts to Garnet, holding a balloon with "It's a boy!" titled on it) and some dying! (Lapis heads over with a headstone, with the title "RIP Andy" over it.)

Lapis: (cheerful) We're very sorry for your marriage. (hands him the headstone)

Pearl: We tried to cover as many celebrations in the human lifespan as we could.

Amethyst: Nice. (Steven's nervousness creeps up as they look at Andy. I smack myself in the head)

Me: Oh, we're gonna crash and burn...

Andy: (laughs) Okay, okay. I give up! It's too much! (laughs and takes off his hat) Alight. Where am I sitting?

[Cut to exterior of The Barn, in the evening. Everyone's sitting at the same table altogether.]

Andy: What do you say we get right to it, huh? And hey. If we're throwing all tradition out the window anyway, why don't we start with this gorgeous cake! (cuts a slice into it) Dessert before dinner! (laughs and stops himself from digging in) Where are my manners? Steven, (passes plate of cake to him) pass it to your friend. (Steven hands the plate to Peridot)

Peridot: (Takes the plate) Oh. Where are my manners? (Hands plate to Lapis)

Lapis: (Takes the plate) Oh. Where are my manners? (Hands plate to Pearl offscreen. Camera cuts back to Andy)

Pearl: (Takes the plate) Oh, thank you Lapis. But where are my manners? (Hands plate to Amethyst)

Amethyst: (Takes the plate) Oh. Where are my manners? (Hands plate to Me)

Me: (I grab the slice of cake off the plate and I eat it) Mm. I misplaced my manners.

Andy: Hey, how come your friends don't wanna eat cake? What, they don't like it?

Me: It's not that they don't want to eat, more than they can't eat.

Steven: Gems don't really eat. Well, except for Marble and Amethyst.

Me: Speaking of, (To Amethyst) how come you didn't want a slice?

Amethyst: I'm good. I had about three bottles of cooking oil earlier. (pounds chest and burps out fire)

Andy: That's uh.. alright.

Pearl: That's what we forgot, more cooking oil!

Peridot: And the shopping cart! We should've taken it.

Lapis: We could've put it in the wall next to the truck.

Pearl: That would have been stealing.

Steven: (jokingly) Cause it's made out of steel?

Peridot: Didn't we save the earth? (folds arms) We should have access to everything on it by right!

Me: Uh, just because you saved the earth doesn't mean you own everything on it.

Peridot: Uh, yes it does! It should be our reward for stopping a giant gem cluster from breaking the earth in two!

Andy: You guys think you're saving the Earth-

Pearl: Saving the Earth from Homeworld is its own reward.

Peridot: You know what else would be a reward? (stands up) A reward! (high fives Lapis)

Greg: Alright, we don't wanna start another Gem war at the table.

Garnet: Oooh, don't start it! (Amethyst giggles in the background and Andy's discomfort begins to show.)

Peridot: What if I just come to this table and started colonizing it cause (mocking tone) I'm a Homeworld Gem?! (Steven and Lapis laugh)

Me: Oh, yeah. Because we Homeworld Gems can get whatever they want if they wanted to. (mocking tone) In the name of the diamonds I declare this barn to be mine and only mine! (Mocking Yellow Diamond) I'm Yellow Diamond and I approve of you taking this earth so I can crumple it up like a piece of paper. I also like to declare that I'm a big whiny sourpuss with a butt the size of jupiter! (Steven and the gems laugh)

Amethyst: (gasps) But you can't! This table has corn on it and it's beautiful and (high pitched voice) "we'll defend it!" (everyone laughs except Andy)

Peridot: You're right. Now that I've spent time at the table, I can see the value of your corn!

(everyone laughs again)

Lapis: Why don't you put that corn in a mirror for thousands of years and then see how it feels about the table?! (Peridot laughs with her and Lapis can barely control herself while laughing. The Gems are staring awkwardly) IT WOULD REALLY HATE THE TABLE!

Me: Awkward...

Greg: You know what? Thank you Steven. Putting this meal together was a great idea.

Steven: Oh no, I should be thanking Garnet. She got up all the vegetables.

Garnet: Lapis and Peridot grew them. Thank you.

Peridot: Oh, but it was Pearl who drove us to the "store."

Pearl: Well, I have to thank Steven for cooking the vegetables. And Amethyst, for putting out that grease fire.

Amethyst: And starting it. Oh, and thanks to Greg for lending his van.

Greg: (laughs) I guess you can say we can thank everyone.

Me: And let's not forget me. Who brought the wholesome family atmosphere to the table.

Pearl: What are you talking about? You barely did anything for this dinner.

Me: Did I?

Pearl: Yes.

Steven: Hey, uh. What about Andy?

Peridot: Hmm... thank you, Andy for.. showing up! Because of you, everyone came out here to the barn, and now we're all here for the first time in a while. And it's actually... pretty great! So.. (takes plate and holds it up) Cheers!

Everyone (except Andy): (holds up plate) Cheers! (they all laugh and Andy looks down at the single groom figurine on his slice of cake.)

Andy: (stands up) You can have it. The Barn. It's yours. (puts hat back on and storms off)

Me: We did it! We get to keep the barn! High five! (I put out my hand but no one wanted to high five me) What? Don't leave me hanging.

Pearl: Marble, Andy didn't seem very happy. Did we do something wrong?

Peridot: I thought I said something really sentimental.

[Everyone notices Andy flying his plane again, leaving.]

Me: Well, he's in a big hurry.

Steven: No! Wait, he can't leave! Lapis? (she nods) Marble?

Me: Forget it.

Steven: Come on, Marble. He's family.

Me: YOUR family. He's no family of mine. Besides, he never liked me.

Steven: That's because you didn't give him a chance to know who you are. That's the point of familes, you're part of something you know you belong in. We shouldn't shut out other members beacuse differences. Besides, don't you know what it feels like to be part of something great? (I look at the gems and I look back at Steven)

Me: (sighs) Yes. Yes I do...

[Scene cuts to Andy flying the plane in the sky. Lapis, carrying Steven and I is flying, not far behind]

Andy: Ugh (puts hand to face) What was I thinking?

Steven: (in the distance) Hi Uncle Andy!

Andy: (turns and sees Steven next to him) Ah, what-what are you doing, kid?!

Steven: I thought everything was going really well! Is somethings wrong?!

Andy: Yeah, something's wrong. YOU'RE A MILE IN THE SKY, HANGING OFF A FLOATING LADY! GO HOME! (begins to fly faster. Steven, Lapis, and I follow him over the ocean and she leans him close to the water.)

Me: Listen, Andy. I know we've got on the wrong foot earlier, but I feel like you shouldn't hide your feelings from us. I don't know exactly what's bugging you but let me your shoulder.

Andy: BUZZ OFF, PURPLE! I'M NOT LETTING YOUR BIG SHOULDERS NEAR ME!

Me: That's it! You wanna go, old man!

Steven: Marble! Andy! Please! Why'd you leave?

Andy: I'm the only one who didn't! It was your goofball father who was the first one to hightail it out of here. Then after him, it was Aunt Deb. She and her partner got the RV. No reason to stick around with that thing! Grandpa moved to the keys, too old to make the drive anymore. I was the only one who tried to keep everything how it used to be. I knew what it meant to really be a family. And look what that got me, huh?! Nothin'! (accelerates plane faster and it dashes higher into the sky)

Steven: Ah, no wait!

Lapis: Hold on! (she accelerates up with her wings to follow Andy. Steven screams in surprise.)

[Andy goes higher up in the clouds, getting angrier as the three of us catch up.]

Steven: Lapis, throw me onto the plane.

Me: You sure you know what your doing, kid?

Steven: Yes... maybe.

Me: Close enough. You heard him, Lapis!

Andy: What?! I swear, if you throw him, I'll- (Lapis throws Steven onto the wing of the plane.)

Steven: (Gives thumbs up) I'll meet you back at the barn!

Lapis: (Gives thumbs up back) Roger. (Flies away)

Andy: (Steven lunges forward due to the weight) You're throwing off my balance, you're gonna bring us both down!

Steven: Andy! I love that we both eat cake!

Andy: What?!

Steven: And you have that cool hat! And you know how to peel potatoes! And you need a plane to fly! I love the Gems, but I'm a human too! I never had a chance to know that part of my family! But now I do. Andy,I want to be your family! Isn't that why you came back?

[Andy is silent for a few moments until the plane begins to go down again]

Steven: Ah!

Andy: Ah, Steven you better hold on! (pulls the engine up but it still tips Steven over, still hanging on)

[Steven tries to grab on again, but he falls off the wing]

Andy: Steven! STEVEN!

Steven: AH! Float, float, float! (shuts eyes) Apple pie, video games, fresh laundry! (the plane comes over and catches him in the seat) Andy! (Andy pulls the plane up before it falls into the ocean. That was a close one, Uncle Andy! You sure are good at-)

Andy: DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU?! (Steven looks in surprise) What good to are you to me as family (turns, revealing tears in his eyes) if you're-(covers his face) Sorry. Look I just-I'm just glad you're safe. (Steven smiles) [The plane is flying over the ocean on the horizon.] It just doesn't feel fair, everything got so different. I wanted everybody to stay the same, but they-they just didn't. Geez. What am I even doing? I got an airplane. I could've been visiting everybody, everywhere they went. (turns to Steven) I could have known about you. I guess I could have just changed too, you know?

Steven: It's not too late. We're here. If you want us to be. (Andy smiles)

[Scene changes back to the exterior of the Barn. Peridot and Lapis are talking to the Pumpkin Dog.]

Peridot: No! Say clod! Cl-od! (Pumpkin Dog barks as Andy's plane flies back to the barn)

Pearl: Steven!

Steven: Hii! (Steven and Andy head over to everyone.)

Pearl: Andy.. it's good to see you again. I'm sorry if-

Andy: Hey! Uh, you guys probably have a lot of leftovers right? I-I just figured I could come back and help you with that. You know, since you don't eat and all.

Me: (I was eating a turkey leg) Too late. Beat ya to it.

Pearl: Marble! Save some for Andy!

Me: (Off-screen) I'll try! (The Gems and Lapis leave, but Peridot stays behind for a second)

Peridot: (Turns and waves) Wow, thanks for the barn! (catches up with the others)

Greg: (heads over to them) Hey, Andy? I'm really glad you came back.

Andy: (Silent for a second then smiles, taking Greg in for a hug) Ah, come here you goofball! (laughs) You need a haircut, son. (They laugh and Steven smiles. Pumpkin Dog arrives.)

Steven: Pumpkin!

Andy: Hey, you got some leftovers for me too, you little-you little freak of nature there?

[Pumpkin Dog coughs up a groom figurine from the wedding cake. Steven, Greg, and Andy to laugh for a bit]

Andy: (While laughing) That's, uh, that's gross.

Ahh, the fall season. A great time to get together with friends and family to a nice cooked meal. Sure change can be a bit hard to swallow sometimes. But what did you expect? Things will change somehow. But it's great to know that friends and family like this, you'd get used to the taste.

[Episode Ends]


	66. Year 4 - Four Gems and a Baby

**Year 4: Four Gems and a Baby**

It was a cold, wintery day in Beach City. The kind of wintery day that makes you want a warm up at home sharing a cozy hot cup of cocoa with the ones you love.

[The episode opens outside the Beach House. It is snowing heavily outside and Steven is looking through the window.]

Steven: It's snow just keeps falling and falling! *Looks at Greg* I'm glad you're staying here with us, Dad.

Greg: Yeah, me too buddy. It's way too cold to stay in the van during this blizzard. Besides the heater in the van hasn't worked since I got that sweet mini disk player installed. Which I do not regret.

Steven: I've never seen it snow like this before.

Garnet: That's not entirely true.

Steven: Really?

Pearl: You mean back when- *starts laughing* Oh, ho-ho. That was about fourteen years ago. There was a snowstorm happening just like this around then.

Steven: Fourteen years... Hey, I'm fourteen years!

Greg: That's right, little man. You were only a few months old and it was snowing so hard, I thought we were going to become "Snowman" and "Snowman Jr., son of Snowman." *Pearl gets up while he is talking and sets a kettle on the stove* But Vidalia was out of town visiting family, so she let us crash at her place for a while. It was the first time you-;

Steven: *turns to him and shouts* DAAAAD!

Greg: I'm not that far away Steven.

Steven: Don't forget our... arrangement.

Me: An arrangement? Interesting.

Greg: *grabs guitar as Pearl returns to join them* Good gravy.

Me: Oooooh! You're gonna sing are you?

Greg: Yes, Marble.

Steven: That's what you get for teaching me to love music!

Greg: Luckily, I have a song for this story already.

(Greg plays a song about the struggles that may come ahead in raising Steven alone.)

[Flashback begins, the camera pans down on Vidalia's house in the middle of a snowstorm.]

Greg: [Sings]

 _I could never be, I could never be_

(Greg rushes into the house, holding groceries and baby Steven)

 _I could never be ready for this._

(Greg looks at the baby blanket he's holding and is shocked to see bread inside instead of Steven. Baby Steven pops out of the grocery bag instead and he is relieved. Cut scene to Vidalia's kitchen where Greg is heating up a baby bottle for Steven in a boiling pot.)

 _I could never be, I could never be_

(Greg is eating a peanut butter sandwich while doing so and looks at baby Steven in his other hand. Steven pulls at his hair, making him let go of the pot and dropping the sandwich as the water boils over to his shock)

 _I could never be ready for this._

*Greg grabs the pot again*

(Greg brings baby Steven over to the couch with the baby bottle)

 _Things start and things end,_

*Greg puts the bottle in baby Steven's mouth*

 _And isn't it lovely in theory but..._

*Greg suddenly realizes it's cold and uses his foot to turn on the space heater next to them.*

 _I could never be, I could never be, I could never be ready._

[Song ends]

(As baby Steven finishes his formula, he yawns and goes to sleep. Greg sets the bottle on the table and notices a photo of Vidalia, Yellowtail, and young Sour Cream. He looks at it, having a sad expression as he falls asleep on the couch. Time passes. The snowstorm seems to be getting worse as seen through the windows. Baby Steven and Greg are still sleeping when he suddenly wakes up uncomfortable. Steven starts crying and struggling, Greg wakes up)

Greg: Hey, Shtoo-ball. What are you doing, all dancing in there? You wanna get out there and show me your moves?

(Baby Steven continues crying and moving around until his blanket unravels and his onesie unbuttons.)

Greg: Hey now. You unbuttoned all your buttons I buttoned up. *Blows raspberry and baby

Steven laughs* Let's get you buttoned back up *Lies Steven down and buttons his onesie back up* Ookie pookie. There. *Baby Steven coos and unbuttons himself again, exposing his gemstone.* Huh-What? Does your gem need to breathe? *Steven's gemstone flashes over* Hmm. How about *Buttons the top up, but he leaves an area unbuttoned in the middle, to expose his gemstone.* this? *Baby Steven laughs and there's a knocking at the door.*

(Greg opens the front door and it is revealed to be Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and I holding gift boxes at the door.)

Greg: Oh! Um, heyyy ya'll.

Garnet: Hello.

Amethyst: Yo Greg, check it out! We brought gifts for little Rose!

Garnet: *Sets hand over Amethyst's head* Amethyst. We've gone over this. Steven is a...

Amethyst: *Sadly* Human baby.

Garnet: And Steven is...

Amethyst: Not Rose.

Me: Alright, enough of that! Where's the little bugger?

Greg: *Lets them into the living room* He's right in the living room. Can I get you guys anything? We've got water... old plates. Uh... how about some tea?

Pearl: No. We're just here to drop off these gifts.

Greg: Right. Sure.

Me: (I look at Baby Steven) Awww! Just look at him! [Tickles Baby Steven] Coochie coochie coo! *Baby Steven giggles* Oh, I just wanna dip him in my coffee!

Garnet: *Hands her box to Steven* Here you go. *Baby Steven coos*

Greg: You'll probably have to open that up for him.

Garnet: It's just a box made to look like it's been carefully wrapped. *Takes off the top* Ta-da!

(The inside of the box reveals to be a razor and Greg picks it up)

Greg: Whoa! Thanks Garnet, but I don't think he needs this.

Garnet: Oh, he'll need it. In the future.

Me: But for now, let's give him a present for his present. (Hands Steven a teddy bear) Here you go, little guy. I got you a little friend for you to play with. (Baby Steven hugs the teddy bear)

Amethyst: Let's open mine next!

Greg: Wow! Diapers! This is so practical! Wait. Are these adult diapers? They're way too big for him.

Me: Maybe he'll need it when he's older. WAY older...

Amethyst: So tell him to get older. You can do that! Right, Little Greg?

Greg: You can call him "Steven". That's the name Rose and I liked the most.

Pearl: Well, whatever you call him, you'll need this.

Greg: Uh, thanks. This some kind of kid's book? Oh. A dictionary.

Pearl: Obviously, it's the best gift for a being that can't yet communicate.

Greg: Well, maybe you guys could use it to look up what a baby is. These gifts are great, but Steven's just too young for this stuff.

Me: [To Pearl] Told you he wouldn't like it.

Greg: Nowadays he's really into this. [Holds up a pair of keys] Carabiner! Carabiner!

Amethyst: Whoa, he loves it! [Grabs the keys and jiggles them on top of Steven] Hey little Steven!

Garnet: Well next time, we'll just bring a big box of keys for Steven.

(Baby Steven giggles and his gemstone begins glowing, gaining everyone's attention)

Amethyst: Whoa!

Greg: *gasps*

Garnet: Ooh!

Pearl: Wha?

Greg: What's happening to him?

Me: (Gasps) Baby's first gem glow! And me without my camera!

Garnet: It's... Rose!

Pearl: Is that possible?

Me: I thought his name was Steven.

Greg: Is he gonna turn into a laser?!

Amethyst: Relax, y'all, I got it all figured out. Rose is trying to shapeshift back to her old self!

Greg: What?!

Me: (Gasps) Baby's first shapeshift!? That even better!

Pearl: She can't shapeshift because she's trapped in a baby!

Me: Pearl, he's Rose's kid! Anything's possible!

Pearl: Rose? Rose, it's me, it's Pearl. Are you in there? Glow twice for yes. Baby, please. I'm trying to talk to Rose. *Steven giggles, and grabs her nose*

Garnet: Rose hasn't shapeshifted, and she isn't trapped. Steven is a fusion. Rose could be trying to un-fuse.

Me: (Gasps again) Baby's first fusion!? This kid is full of surprises!

Greg: Whatever Steven is, something's happening, and I- what can I do to help?

Pearl: Well, what do you do with a human baby when it glows?

Greg: First off, human babies don't glow. And letter number B... what if they do? Okay. Vidalia has some books on babies I've been reading. They'll help us figure something out. Calm down. You got this. Guys, if this is anything like a fever, then we should... uh... Guys? Guys?!

[Camera cuts to outside, where the Gems have rushed off with Steven in Greg's van. The flashback abruptly returns to the present.]

Steven: You kidnapped me?

Amethyst: Yep!

Garnet: Some of our actions were a bit regrettable.

Me: Besides to be fair, it was Pearl's idea.

Pearl: At the time, we thought it'd be better to handle things our way.

Amethyst: Meh, we straight-up 'napped you.

[Back in the flashback, Greg is running outside in the snow, following the direction the van's going in.]

Greg: Steven! My van! Give me back my babies!

Amethyst: *Looking back in the side mirror* He looks mad.

Pearl: He'll thank us later.

Me: Guys, I don't think this is a good idea!

Garnet: Greg was doing his best up to this point. But the situation has changed. Steven is clearly a gem.

Me: Yeah, half a gem. The other half's all human. And the way I see it, I don't think humans like getting kidnapped from their parents.

Amethyst: Relax, Marbs. We'll give him back to him. As soon as figure what's going on. All right, Rose. We saw that glow. So why are you still a baby? Is it... really fun or something? *shapeshifts into a baby* Garnet. Hold me. *Garnet holds her in her left hand.* All right, I get it. This rules. But it's been so long, like months! *shapeshifts back to normal* That's longer than I was a toilet! C'mon, Rose! You have to change back! *shapeshifts into a baby* Baby, *shapeshifts back to normal* normal! *shapeshifts into a baby* Baby, *shapeshifts back to normal* normal! *shapeshifts into a baby* Baby... It's so easy! Why can't she do it?

Me: I don't think she can. Or is it a he? This is turning out to be one confusing day.

Garnet: It's a she, Marble. And she's not a shapeshifter, it's fusion. Steven, I understand Greg is part of you and you don't want to un-fuse in front of him. That would be very rude. But he's not here now. It's just us! You can take a little break. Here, I will too! *unfuses into Ruby and Sapphire, who look at him silently.*

(Baby Steven, who's suddenly afraid and confused by Garnet's disappearance, begins to cry.)

Me: Uh, guys? I don't think he understands how fusions work. Maybe we'll try again when he's older?

(Ruby and Sapphire are surprised, and they quickly fuse into Garnet again.)

Garnet: *Sadly* I'm here! You know me! You know them, too! *sits back down* I don't understand!

Me: Hmm. Maybe getting to the bottom of this baby puzzle requieres some classic Marble ingenuity.

Amethyst: Knock yourself out. (I walk over to Steven and I pull out my teddy bear)

Me: Don't cry, Steven! Bear Bear is here to make things better! *Steven stops crying and hugs the teddy bear* By jove, I think I got it!

Amethyst: Got what? All did is get him to stop crying.

Me: Exactamundo! You see fellow gems, Rose clearly took this human child form to experience the life of an innocent youth. Not having to worry about Gem wars, or Diamonds, or... (My smile drops)... losing the ones you hold dear...

Garnet: Marble...

(Pearl slams on the brakes, stopping the van and she goes to the back, joining the others.)

Pearl: Give me that! (Pearl snatches Steven away from the teddy bear and he starts crying again)

Me: Oh, Pearl! What the hey? I just got to understand the guy!

Pearl: What are you talking about?

Amethyst: Marb here thinks Rose took this form be a child or something.

Pearl: What!? That's ridiculous!

Me: Oh yeah? What's your theory, oyster head!

Pearl: Don't you see? Rose is right there! She just can't reform because... she has this... baby around her. *Picks up Steven* Rose, I know you're in there. I can let you out. *Her hand suddenly goes down near Steven's gemstone* We'll be... together... again. *Her hand rests on Steven's gemstone, when he begins laughing.* I can't. I can't! She wanted this so much. I just... don't... understand... why! *Begins to tear up* Everything should grow, and everything should change, and isn't it so great how it comes so naturally to humans? Well, it's not natural for us! It's not natural for me.

Garnet: It will be- for him.

Me: Yeah, don't beat yourself up Pearlie. Humans can be a bit hard to understand sometimes.

Amethyst: *Sadly* ...What about Rose?

Garnet: This isn't about Rose. From now on, everything has to be about Steven.

Me: Good idea, that should make things way less confusing.

(Greg catches up to the van, and he is being chased by the dog from earlier with the sled tied to it.)

Greg: Help! Help!

(Garnet opens the back door to let Greg jump in)

Greg: Ugh, thanks. *Looks at Pearl, who's still holding Steven* Hey, wait a minute! Why did you take Steven on a joyride in the middle of a blizzard? What's the big idea?

Amethyst: It wasn't really a big idea, just a bunch of small ideas that never came together.

Garnet: My apologies, Greg. We thought we knew what Steven was, but we didn't.

Me: Well, I thought I was pretty close.

Pearl: We never were kids.

Greg: I don't know how we're gonna figure this out, but I think we'll have a better shot if we do it together.

[Back to the present. The kettle goes off, and Pearl heads back to the stove.]

Steven: Wow. You guys were wrong about everything.

Pearl: Well, that was a *laughs* ha-ha, really long time ago, wasn't it?

Amethyst: Cut us some slack, will ya?

Garnet: *Takes off her visors* We couldn't have known what to do. Even me.

Greg: Especially me.

Me: But by being corrected, we learned from our mistakes. And during our time on earth we Gems have studied closer into humans and realized something far more vital. Humans are... deep.

Steven: No, I mean, about changing and growing. *Pearl comes back over with tea and hands a mug to Greg. She picks up the tea bag and gives it to Amethyst to eat* And how it doesn't come naturally to you? But look at you now! I know you'll never stop missing Mom, but I bet she would've loved this. I do.

Everyone: Hear, hear!

Pearl: It wasn't such a big deal when that teenage girl kidnapped Steven.

Greg: That was his babysitter. She took him to the park! You really scared her when you threw that jungle gym at her.

Me: Overprotective much?

[Star iris closes on the exterior of the Beach House. Episode Ends.]


	67. Year 4 - Steven's Dream

**Year 4: Steven's Dream**

Dreams, sometimes there weird, sometimes they're wonderful, but sometimes they give us messages. Unusual messages, messages about strange connections. Yeah, I can't really explain this since we gems don't need to sleep. But maybe this story can help...

[The episode opens in a lush, grassy field, with the camera centered on a group of flowers.]

Greg: (Faintly) Steven? Steven?

(Cut to a shot of Steven waking up, tears pouring down his face.)

Greg: Steven.

(Steven appears shocked as he wipes away the tears from his face. The camera pans toward the television, which shows a small clip from a movie featuring a UFO abducting a cow.)

Greg: You okay, bud? You fell asleep during the movie. I was gonna let you sleep, you looked so cute, but then you started crying, and that was less cute.

(Steven wipes away the residual tears from his eyes.)

Steven: Haha, no, I'm fine. I dunno why I was crying. M-my dream wasn't really sad.

(Greg checks his watch.)

Greg: Oh gee, look at the time, and my classy new watch. Let's get you home, bud.

(Scene cuts to an outside view of the beach house at night, slowly panning down as Greg and Steven walk toward the steps.)

Greg: Eh, you didn't miss much. Turns out they were abducting cows 'cause they needed milk for their cereal planet.

(Steven climbs up the steps, abruptly stopping halfway up before turning around.)

Steven: Dad, before you go, can I ask you something?

Greg: Yeah, of course!

Steven: Did Mom ever talk to you about... Pink Diamond?

Greg: There were some things your mom didn't like to talk about. I never pressed her for details.

Steven: Why not?

(Greg approaches Steven and sits down next to him on the steps.)

Greg: Rose and I talked about tons of important stuff. Music, comic books, getting sand between your toes, y'know, feelings. We both made a lot of mistakes when we were young. I thought disco was coming back, she started a war, I think she felt like she needed to confess everything to me, but I told her, "The past is the past. All that matters to me is who you are now." And who she was, was an incredible, loving being.

(Steven and Greg hug.)

Steven: Night, Dad.

Greg: Night, Steven.

(Cut to an aerial view of Steven's bed as he crawls into it, staring up into the camera as he closes his eyes while the screen fades to black.)

(The shot returns to the same view as the beginning, a lush field centered on a flower.)

Steven: I'm here again... huh? I guess I can look around. (The camera begins panning around, looking at nearby trees and other scenery.) What is this place? (The camera pans right, the music increasing in intensity as the dilapidated overgrown remains of the Palanquin come into view.) What's... what is... woah...

Steven: Huh?

(The scene cuts again to Connie sweeping a bunch of papers off Steven's living room table as he sits next to her, watching the papers scatter.)

Connie: (excitedly) Sorry, I'll clean that up later!

(Connie removes the journal of Buddy Buddwick from her bag, placing it on the table.)

Connie: When you told me about your dream, I thought it sounded familiar.

(Connie flips through the pages, stopping on the entry for the Palanquin.)

Steven: *Gasp* That's it! The... palanquin.

Connie: Actually, it's pronounced palanquin.

(The sound of the warp pad activating plays offscreen.)

Me: (Off-screen) Ding dong!

Steven: It's the gems! They've gotta know about this thing!

(Steven grabs the journal and runs toward the warp pad as Connie follows.)

Steven and Connie: Woo!

Amethyst: Yo.

Me: Hey hey, how's Rose's kid doing?

Steven: Hey, do you know anything about this thing?

(Steven opens the journal to the page featuring the Palanquin, showing it to the gems. Amethyst leans in to look at it closer.)

Amethyst: Hmm, Steven, you deserve to know the truth. And the truth is... I have no idea what that thing is, I've never seen it before in my life. Why don't you ask Marble? She knows something about this stuff. Don't ya Marb?

(I look at the picture and stood silently)

Me: Uh... I don't really want to talk about that...

(Pearl steps in to take a look.)

Pearl: Excuse me, Amethyst, allow me. Uh, well... it appears to be an illustration in some kind of journal.

Steven: C'mon, you know what I mean. I had a dream where I saw this thing. Connie and I were wondering if maybe...

Pearl: S-steven, why don't you and Connie...

Garnet: You can't go there!

Steven: Why not?

Amethyst: Yeah, why not?

(Garnet says nothing.)

Steven: I thought you were going to tell me everything from now on.

Pearl: Oh, Steven... We...

Steven: Does this have anything to do with Pink Diamond? I already know mom shattered her, so what is it about this that you can't tell me?

(Pearl winces, looking over to Garnet.)

Garnet: Please, you're making Pearl very upset.

Steven: No! I'm very upset!

(Shot of Connie and Amethyst exchanging worried glances as they back away.)

Me: Steven. You have to understand that this is a delicate topic...

Garnet: We're. Not. Going. Rose never wanted you to see this place.

Me: Yes. Exactly. Thank you, Garnet. And some of us think it's best that we leave this kind of buisness alo-

Steven: (Angrily) NO! I'm sick of everyone lying to me! Rose is my mom, out of anyone, don't I deserve to know the truth?!

(Amethyst offers a box of popcorn to Connie, who silently rejects it.)

Garnet: This isn't the time.

Steven: I don't care! I wanna go there now!

Garnet: Steven!

Connie: I'm sorry... I... I shouldn't have brought the book.

Steven: Yes, you should've brought it. It's lucky something has some information that I don't have to get out of them! Connie, I need to borrow this book.

Connie: Okay, just be careful. I gotta return it to the library in a week.

(Steven walks off frame.)

Me: Oh, man. I gotta talk to him.

Garnet: No, Marble. You know how you are when it comes to the diamonds.

Me: Well, I have to do something. Or at least just calm him down.

Garnet: I'll handle this.

As Garnet was tried to talks some sense into Steven I looked back at that palanquin in that picture. It reminded me of what I've been through with my Diamond...

(Flashback to 20 years ago, in the earth kindergarten where I was made. I was ordered to go back to Homeworld to fight in a war. I witnessed many good gems getting shattered by Homeworld. I was frightened at what I saw. I was given orders by Yellow Diamond and I refused and ran away. I lost the only friend I had while I caught in the crossfire of the war. I ran to the nearest roaming eye and flew out of Homeworld a complete disgrace to my diamond. End flashback.)

Garnet: Marble. Marble. (I snap out of it)

Me: Oh, hey Garnet. How did it go with Steven.

Garnet: He's fine now. Are you okay?

Me: Yeah... I'm fine.

Garnet: You were thinking about your Diamond, weren't you?

Me: You can't prove that!

Garnet: Marble, I know that you feel strong about diamonds. But were doing this for Steven's good.

Me: *sighs* You're right... Besides, what can go wrong? (Garnet suddenly gets a vision) Garnet? Somethin' wrong?

Garnet: It's Steven! *Runs off*

Me: Oh come on, Garnet. How much trouble can that kid get into?

[To Be Continued]


	68. Year 4 - Adventures of Light Disortion

**Year 4: Adventures in Light Disortion**

Announcer: Previously on Steven Universe...

(Cut to scenes from the previous episode)

Steven: Did Mom ever talk to you about... Pink Diamond?

(Cut to Steven's dream)

Steven: What is this place? (The camera pans right, the music increasing in intensity as the dilapidated overgrown remains of the Palanquin come into view.) What's... what is... woah...

(Cut to another scene)

Me: Steven. You have to understand that this is a delicate topic...

Steven: (Angrily) NO! I'm sick of everyone lying to me! Rose is my mom, out of anyone, don't I deserve to know the truth?!

(Cut to another scene)

Garnet: Marble, I know that you feel strong about diamonds. But were doing this for Steven's good.

Me: *sighs* You're right... Besides, what can go wrong? (Garnet suddenly gets a vision) Garnet? Somethin' wrong?

Garnet: It's Steven! *Runs off*

Me: Oh come on, Garnet. How much trouble can that kid get into?

(Cut to black. The next episode starts)

Me: SAY WHAT NOW!?

Pearl: Blue Diamond!? O-o-on Earth!?

Amethyst: Holy smokes! They're all coming out of the woodwork.

Pearl: Amethyst, turn into a chair. I-I need to sit down.

Steven: She took Dad! She alien-abducted him, and it's all my fault!

Amethyst: She took Greg!?

Pearl: Our Greg?

Me: No no no no no no no! This is not happening! Tell me this is not happening!

Amethyst: Oh, it's happening!

Steven: What did she even want him for? To eat him!? T-to put him in a zoo!?

Pearl: Wait. That might be it.

Steven: [Gasps] She's gonna eat him!?

Pearl: What? No. But there was a... No. No, it couldn't possibly still exist. Not since we-

Garnet: That's right! Pink Diamond's insidious human zoo.

Me: A zoo for humans? Huh, guess I owe Ronaldo five bucks.

Steven: What?

Garnet: During her reign on Earth, Pink Diamond stole humans from their families as trophies of her conquest.

Amethyst: You gotta be kidding.

Pearl: Oh no. It was very serious. When I still served Homeworld, I saw it myself. A private menagerie deep in space. Humans in captivity. We were never able to rescue them. We had no way to get to them after the war. But, that was over 5,000 years ago.

Amethyst: You really think Greg's there?

Pearl: Steven, Blue Diamond wanted him alive?

Steven: Yes! Yes! She liked him!

Pearl: I can't think of anywhere else she'd put him if she wanted to keep him, that is if the zoo's still there.

Steven: It's our only chance! But, how are we going to get there?

Garnet: With the Roaming Eye.

Amethyst: The Ruby ship?

Garnet: That's right. We're going into space, and we're not coming back without Greg.

Me: Well, good luck with that. I'll hold down the fort while your gone. *I walk off but I was stopped*

Garnet: Marble! You're coming with us.

Me: Um, Garnet? You're asking me, a Homworld fugitive to go straight into the Diamond authority to rescue Greg!? No way!

Garnet: We're doing this for Steven.

Me: You're doing this for Steven. I'm staying right here where no Diamond can get to me!

Steven: But, Marble! We need everyone's help! I can't Blue Diamond put my dad in a zoo!

Me: Well, I'm not stoppin' you am I? Besides, you know what Blue Diamond will do If she finds out that a renegade Marble is siding with the Crystal Gems! She'll rat me out to Yellow! No! I'm staying right here where it's safe!

Amethyst: Okay. But there's a chance that Blue Diamond might come back for you.

Pearl: Amethyst, what are you- (Amethyst puts her hand over her mouth)

Amethyst: Shh!

Me: Say what?

Amethyst: Oh, you haven't heard? Blue Diamond's looking for Marbles like you on earth for a special addition to her army. And when she finds out you're here... (I was frightened and I rushed to the warp pad)

Me: Well, what are we waiting for?! We got a dad to save! Move it! Move it!

Pearl: Was it really necessary to lie to her like that?

Amethyst: *scoffs* It worked, didn't it?

[Transition to The Barn]

Peridot: Let's see. Rear pulsar trackers are tracking pulsars. The atmosphere shield seems functional, but you're not going to need that in space, obviously.

Garnet: Well, make sure it is safe for Steven.

Peridot: He should be fine. But, I think I should go in and change the system preferences the Rubies set. How do you feel about green lights instead of red?

Steven: There's no time for that! If it works, then let's just do it already! [Steven walks to the barn shed while talking to Connie on the phone.] Sorry, Connie, but we just can't wait. Dad's in trouble, and we need to go into space to get him back. There's no time. We're going right now. Just protect Beach City while we're gone.

Pearl: So, if I input the coordinates, it will take us right there?

Peridot: It's a little more complicated than that. These aren't your Era 1 light kites. You're gonna be pretty much bending reality if you turn on the gravity engine. Come to think of it, I should really change the Ruby preferences on that, too.

Me: Well, come on! What are we waiting for!? We gotta go before those Diamonds come after me! (I push Steven and the gems into the spaceship)

Pearl: Rubies aside, will it fly?

Peridot: Short answer, yes.

Amethyst: Okay. Let's go.

Garnet: Lapis, Peridot, stay here. You'll have to protect Beach City if something happens while we're gone.

Lapis Lazuli: [Thumbs up]

Peridot: You can count on us!

[The Roaming Eye launches into space.]

Steven: Don't worry, Dad. We're on our way. I hope you got to see some of this. There's enough out here for a whole album about the cosmos.

[The Roaming Eye encounters an asteroid field.]

Pearl: Space turbulence!

[Pearl pilots around the incoming asteroids.]

Garnet: Sweet moves.

Pearl: Hold on.

[Pearl navigates until the Roaming Eye exits the asteroid field. Ruby members Doc, Navy, and Army hit the windscreen of the Roaming Eye.]

Me: Ugh! Ugly looking bugs they got here.

Doc: Who are you calling ugly!?

Steven: Uhh! Sorry, Rubies.

Garnet: We should really do something about them.

Steven: We can pick them up on the way back. Dad comes first. How much longer till we get there?

Pearl: Well, at our current speed, we should be reaching the human zoo in approximately seventy human years! Just in time for Greg's 110th anniversary of being alive.

Me: Oh, for Rose's sake! Isn't there any to make this hunk of junk faster?

Garnet: Before we left, Peridot did mention the gravity engine.

Amethyst: Oh yeah. She said it bends reality.

Pearl: Oh, I'm sure she was exaggerating. It probably just alters the definition for speed by manipulating space-time, but what effect would that have on organic matter? It might flatten Steven's body into a pancake of skin and bones.

Amethyst: Eww, bones are gross.

Garnet: You have bones in your bedroom.

Amethyst: That's different. Those are my bones.

Me: I'm sure he'll be fine. He'll be wearing a seatbelt. There are seatbelts in here, right?

Pearl: No.

Me: Oh.

Steven: If being a pancake means saving my dad, then bring on the syrup!

[Steven pulls the lever, activating the gravity engine, speeding up the ship, and causing Steven to black out.]

Garnet: Steven!

Pearl: Steven! Are you okay?

Steven: I'm fine. I-I think I just blacked out. Umm, are you guys okay?

[The activation of the gravity engine happened to flatten Me, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl instead of Steven.]

Amethyst: [Laughs]

Garnet: You tell me.

Pearl: Uhh, we're not okay!

Me: Look at me! I'm a kid again.

Garnet: You were never a kid, Marble.

Me: I know you are but what am I? [Blows rasperry at Garnet]

Garnet: That doesn't make sense.

Me: Give me a break, I'm new to this whole kid thing.

Steven: Uhh, why do you guys look like that?

Garnet: The gravity warp seems to be affecting our bodies.

Amethyst: Please tell me this lasts forever.

Pearl: Our bodies are made of light, and usually, they form a mass dependent on the air pressure and the level of gravity in the environment, but we're in a situation where the normal laws of physics don't apply.

Me: Since when do normal laws ever apply to us?

Amethyst: Who cares? It's funny.

Pearl: In what way is this funny!?

Me: Well for one, you look adorable when your angry. [laughs]

Steven: So, you guys aren't doing this on purpose? Can't you shapeshift back?

Amethyst: Hold on. [Transforms] Huh, check it out. Puma cub.

Me: Aw. You look just like a human trick-or-treater! Where's my candy?

Garnet: The ship seems to be putting out some kind of energy keeping us in this shape.

Steven: Oh, I know the problem.

Pearl: You do?

Steven: Peridot said the ship was calibrated for Rubies. It must be making you all Ruby-sized.

Pearl: Ugh! Why doesn't she tell us anything? This is why we don't listen to her.

Me: I just don't listen to her cause she's a nerd.

Amethyst: True that.

Steven: Maybe I can change the settings.

[Steven changes the calibration to work for Quartz Gems. Marble is seen back to normal]

Me: Ah, that's better. (I look at the other bulked up gems) You guys look good.

Steven: No.

[Then an unknown but small Gem type.]

Steven: Nope.

[Then Diamond Gems.]

Me: Ow.

Steven: Sorry.

Garnet: This isn't working.

Pearl: Try adjusting it manually.

[Steven opens up the manual configuration menu.]

Steven: Woah! Umm, maybe this one?

[Steven made the necks of Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and I long and unstable.]

Steven: Okay, so that does that. Uhh, maybe this one.

[Steven makes their necks and arms grow longer.]

Steven: Agh! Why is this so complicated!?

[Steven starts to press random options which result in their forms returning to normal briefly before Garnet is flattened into a pancake, Pearl bloated like a ball, and Amethyst turning into a long noodle. I laughed until my head expanded and fell on the ground]

Amethyst: Guh. hey, Steven! this is getting a little weird, even for me.

[Steven continues to press random options until an error message pops up.]

Steven: I think I found the off-switch!

[Steven presses the error message, and the Roaming Eye goes into hyperdrive where Steven is stuck to the seat and the Gems turn into Gemstones.]

I couldn't remember anything while we were at lightspeed but I can tell that Steven was sad that he was rushing things too fast. I can tell by end of that mess, he needed to mellow out.

Steven: Guys! Wha, what did I do!?

[The Roaming Eye is seen going so fast it creates visual wormholes in the fabric of space. It is overwhelming to Steven.]

Steven: [Gasps] Amethyst!? Garnet!? Pearl!? Where are you!? What happened? Are you cracked!? [Breathes heavily] Amethyst is usually back by now! [The screen alerts the destination is approaching at an uncomfortable speed.] Oh no. That's the zoo. Uhh, we're gonna smash right into it if we don't... slow... down! [Steven struggles to moves from his seat to touch the screen to stop the ship.] Gah! Come on, Steven. You can do it! I-it's okay! The Gems are gonna be fine! [Groans] They gotta be fine! D-Dad's gonna be fine, too! Gah! I-it doesn't seem like it right now, but later, we're gonna laugh if I just stop the ship![Steven reaches his arm out and tries his best to get to the control panel but fails. Breathes heavily] It isn't going to stop. There's no fixing this. It's all my fault! I rushed us! I pushed us [Begins to cry] into making stupid mistakes! [Pants] It didn't have to be this way. I didn't have to not listen to Garnet. I didn't have to go to Korea. Dad! I didn't have to get you taken away forever by Blue Diamond. I, I wasn't trying to be selfish. I just wanted to know what was going on for myself for once! [Sobs] But now, I lost everyone. Dad! [Sobbing] Dad! I want my dad! I just want my dad.

[Steven, collecting determination from his moment of weakness, reaches for the control panel again and succeeds in stopping the ship. The Gems phase through the wall and rejoice with Steven.]

Steven: [Pants then gasps] You're back! Where'd you go!? I was so worried!

Pearl: [Sighs] I think in your attempt to fix our bodies, you may have accidentally shut off the calibration altogether. Our light-composed forms couldn't keep up with the ship moving faster than the speed of light.

Steven: So, you were just lagging behind the ship this whole time?

Garnet: Yeah. Don't worry about it too much. Amethyst liked it.

Me: I didn't. My body maybe made of just light, but i literally feel like puking all over.

Amethyst: I never thought I could stretch so far! Hah! I think I kind of phased through a planet. [Laughs but looks at Steven's tears] Uhh... Yo, Stevie man. You heard Garnet. We're totally fine, dude.

Steven: I-I was pushing so hard, I... I just wanted to get Dad back so much, I-I almost wrecked the mission. This whole thing is my fault.

Me: Don't be. You got us in, kid.

[The zoo is in sight.]

Garnet: You got us to the zoo.

Steven: Yeah?

Garnet: And seventy human years ahead of schedule.

Steven: I'll see you really soon, Dad. I hope.

[To be continued]


	69. Year 4 - Gem Heist

**Year 4: Gem Heist**

[The Crystal Gems fly in the Roaming Eye to Pink Diamond's Zoo.]

Pearl: The human zoo. I can't believe it still exists.

Me: I think I owe Ronaldo 10 bucks...

Steven: Dad's gotta be in there. We just have to find him and bust him out.

[The Roaming Eye enters the zoo via its ring. The Crystal Gems notice the two Amethyst guards next to a door.]

Amethyst: Those Gems.

Pearl: Amethyst guards. Right, like we could just waltz up as an ownerless Pearl, a quartz soldier, and, and you.

Steven: We just need disguises. I'll be Esteban Universidad.

Pearl: Steven, it doesn't matter what your name is. We're all going to stand out.

[Garnet unfuses into Ruby and Sapphire.]

Sapphire: We won't stand out if we play the roles we were made for.

Steven: Ruby! Sapphire!

Ruby: Okay, everybody. Hear her out.

Sapphire: Today, I'm a Sapphire traveling with my Ruby guard, my quartz soldier, and my personal Pearl. Esteban, I've brought you as an offering for the zoo.

Steven: Pobrecito Esteban!

Amethyst: Uhh, what about me?

Sapphire: You're accompanying me as extra muscle.

Me: I thought I was the extra muscle.

Sapphire: You can both be the muscle.

Amethyst: Muscle like them?

Sapphire: Exactly.

Amethyst: But I've never even seen another Amethyst before. What do I do? What if I say something wrong?

Me: Don't worry, Am. I've seen you peform tought roles before. Just say nothin' and get ready to shoot on my signal.

Sapphire: We won't do anything like that. You're new and we're rusty, but we just have to sell this long enough to find Greg.

Pearl: Is this really going to work?

Sapphire: No.

Unison: [Gasps]

Sapphire: Just stick together. Play it straight. Let's change the future.

[The Crystal Gems walk out of the Roaming Eye towards the guarded door.]

Steven: You'll never cage me, you rockheads!

Me: Quiet, meatbag!

[The Crystal Gems encounter the guards.]

Amethyst: [Groans]

Guard 1: State your purpose.

Sapphire: I'm here to make a delivery to the human zoo.

Guard 1: Bad news. The human zoo shut down, which means we'll just have to throw you in space.

Steven: [Whimpers]

Guard 1: Heh, look. He believed me.

Guards: [Laughs in unison]

Me: (I laugh with them) Ha! You got us good!

[Holly Blue Agate enters.]

Holly Blue: What are you doing?

Guards: Nothing, Holly Blue Agate.

[Holly Blue notices a Sapphire is here then scolds the Amethysts for messing with her and the group.]

Holly Blue: [Gasps] Why didn't you tell me there was a Sapphire here? What have you miscreants been saying to them!?

Guard 2: Nothing, Holly.

Holly Blue: You'll have to forgive them. [Laughs] They're from Earth. Ahem! Apologize.

Guards: Forgive us!

[Holly Blue punches them to say it correctly.]

Guards: Forgive us, your Clarity!

Me: (To Pearl) Get a load of this broad.

Sapphire: No use dwelling on the past. I've brought a new human for the collection.

Holly Blue: How unprecedented! Nothing for millennia, and then two humans back to back! Well, it's probably for the best that first one wasn't in the best condition.

Steven: [Gasps] Dad! That's him!

Ruby: Shh!

Holly Blue: Ohh, their incessant barking. What is it saying?! [Laughs] The other one was loud, too, and all that thrashing about. I'm sure Blue Diamond would want to thank you personally, but you just missed her. Amethyst, take this human to the -

Sapphire: Wait! The thing is we've traveled so far, and it would be a shame to leave so quickly. Perhaps you'd grant us a tour of the facility?

Holly Blue: I would be honored! Right this way, your Grand Clarity. Amethysts are to stay and guard the door.

Amethyst: Uhh, but-

Holly Blue: The door.

Amethyst: [Groans nervously]

[Transition to the tour group]

Holly Blue: Does your Pearl always walk next to you?

Pearl: [Chuckles nervously] I'll just be right here.

Holly Blue: Hmm. Chatty. This facility originally belonged to Pink Diamond and houses and staffs the otherwise useless Quartz that she produced and what was her colony. But Blue Diamond and her trusted Agate, that's me, have been maintaining this place since the dawn of Era 2. [The tour group encounters a door. Holly Blue had expected Pearl to open it for them without a prompt.] Is she going to do it or should I say something?

Sapphire: Oh! Pearl, the door.

Pearl: Hmm? Oh, right, right! [Chuckles] I got it!

Holly Blue: You are so patient with her. How do you do it?

Sapphire: As a Sapphire, I know it will happen eventually.

[Pearl opens the door.]

Holly Blue: That will be all.

Sapphire: Sorry.

Steven: Hang in there.

Holly Blue: Do keep up, Pearl.

Pearl: Ugh.

Holly Blue: The bottom half of this structure is devoted entirely to specimen containment. Apparently, humans don't take well to captivity, but once you understand their needs, they're easy to control. It's tragic that Pink Diamond's existence in this universe ended up being so finite, but what a selfless act for Blue Diamond to step forward and spend her own time and energy preserving this place in Pink Diamond's memory. It's a real testament to Blue Diamond's merciful and giving nature. Don't you think?

Sapphire: Uhh, of course.

Ruby: Grr!

Steven: [Speaking while Holly is speaking] Keep it together, Ruby. Our roles, remember? Gotta Esteban it.

Me: Uh, excuse me miss? But when can we see the human z-

Holly Blue: Do you have permission to speak?

Me: Uh, what.

Holly Blue: Marbles aren't supposed to speak unless they're spoken to. They're made to take orders. [I glare at Holly Blue] You're clarity, please control your Marble. [I let out my axe ready to attack]

Sapphire: No, Marble. Stand down. [Whispers to me] Esteban it. [I sigh]

Holly Blue: And past this way is the health reservation sector… And here, of course, is the human disposal shoot.

Steven: Whaa! Ho-o-ow do you get in the zoo!?

Holly Blue: Oh, there it goes again with its hilarious noises.

Sapphire: So, how do you get in the zoo?

Holly Blue: Excellent question, your Grand Clarity! On the rare occasion that we would need to enter the containment area, we would do so via this service door.

Steven: Dad. That door's how we get to Dad. We just need to come up with a distraction.

Me: I got this. I have a plan.

Pearl: Please don't tell me it envolves us "dressing in drag and doing the hula".

[Beat]

Me: I don't have a plan.

Ruby: I got this.

Holly Blue: As a one-way access point, there are no risks of an escape. In fact, it's only been used once for a human-

Ruby: Explosion!

Holly Blue: Pardon me!?

Ruby: Uhh, I just remembered I left the gravity engine idling, Sorry, my Sapphire. I'm so forgetful and disposable.

Sapphire: What?

[Steven, Pearl, Ruby, and I signal it is part of the plan.]

Sapphire: A-a-a foreseen turn of events. Yes. It is going to overheat and explode. The damage will be massive.

Holly Blue: My word! I don't know why anyone trusts Rubies with those ships! This is what happens.

Sapphire: If we hurry, we can disable the engine before any damage is done. It should only take five minutes, so everyone, be on your best behavior.

[The group (except Holly Blue, of course) wink their approval of the plan.]

Holly Blue: This way, your Clarity, although I'm sure you don't need my guidance.

[Sapphire and Holly Blue walk off.]

Ruby: [Growls] I can't believe all that stuff about Blue Diamond being merciful! She's a shatterer! She yelled at Sapphire! She hates fusion a-and love!

Me: She totally disrespected me! Man, if she saw who I really was she wouldn't be so sassy about me!

Steven: I know, guys, but we don't have much time! We have to open this door!

Ruby: Right. Right. Pearl, open it!

Pearl: Of course. What else am I good for? [Touches screen] It's different from the others. [Error x2] A-ha! [Error] I actually can't figure this out at all.

Ruby: What!?

Steven: But Pearl, you're our hacker.

Ruby: We don't have time for this! Steven, help me open the door.

Steven: Okay.

Ruby: And Pearl, hack faster.

[Pearl continues to hack while Steven and Ruby bash the door. I bring out my axe]

Me: Stand back! I'm breaking her in! [I was about to open the door when suddenly we heard Sapphire's voice echoing through the halls]

Sapphire: I am so glad we are almost back! I was really enjoying the tour!

Holly Blue: Yes, I can tell by the tone of your voice. Thank you so much again for averting that crisis. [Gasps]

[Holly Blue notices the dents on the service door.]

Holly Blue: What is going on!?

Sapphire: Oh, well, I'm sure there's a reasonable-

Holly Blue: Did you see the Amethyst that did this!?

Unison: [Sighs]

Holly Blue: Really? we have guests.

Guard 3: Holly Blue Agate! We have important news for you!

Holly Blue: We do not run or shout in these hallways!

Guard 3: I'm sorry. I-i-it's just that-

Holly Blue: How am I supposed to know what you're saying when you're mumbling.

Me: Ugh! Who can stand this nag?

Guard 3: Blue Diamond is on her way!

Holly Blue: Oh my stars! She's back already?! You two, best behavior. Shoulders squared! Minds cleared! Backs straight! And surely, Blue Diamond would want to thank you personally for this special delivery, your grand Clarity.

Sapphire: Yes. I suppose she will.

Holly Blue: Well, don't just stand there, you useless chunks of earth! Make yourself useful and escort that human to the assimilation bay!

Sapphire: But the tour...

Holly Blue: Oh, your Clarity. You flatter me, but we really must get ready. Our Diamond will be here at any moment.

Steven: Let me go, you bigger Amethyst!

Guard 3: Heh, these newer humans are so spunky. In you go.

There Steven went to get prepped for an exhibit for the human zoo. No one can do anything because we can't go into the zoo ourselves because we're not humans. All we can do is go along with the plan. It's not like it can get worse from here... right?

[To Be Continued]


	70. Year 4 - That Will Be All

**Year 4: That Will Be All**

So there we were, trying to save Steven's dad from becoming the latest exhibit in Pink's human zoo. And so far we came across a few sassy Amethyst guards and and a very... Hmm. What's the word to describe Agate?... Nah, too inappropriate this show. Let's just say she's a bit like Pearl, only worse. Anywho, we were still on the tour of the zoo with Agate until we came across the one thing that I was worried about from the start.

Holly Blue: And now we have reached the pinnacle of our tour: the Diamonds room. I know Blue Diamond will be delihghted to see you, your clarity. (I grow extremely nervous)

Me: Uh, excuse me Holly Blue...

Holy Blue: What have I told you about speaking, Marble?

Sapphire: It's alright, Agate. I'll allow it.

Me: Thank you, your clarity.

Holly Blue: Alright, what is it?

Me: Uh, I don't feel that it's necessary to visit the diamonds just yet... Maybe we can go back for another look at the zoo? (Smiles sheepshly)

Sapphire: Um... Agate? May I have a private word with my Marble?

Holly Blue: Oh, of course your clarity. (walks away)

Sapphire: Marble, what are you doing? We need to keep this up if we're ever going to get to Greg.

Me: Yeah, I got that. I know the plan. But, consider this: there is a Diamond in there! And Diamonds hate me!

Pearl: Come now, Marble. The Diamonds have a million Marbles.

Me: And how many are from Earth? (I point to myself) You're looking at it!

Sapphire: Just leave everything to me. I'll make sure the diamonds won't even notice you.

Me: I'm just not sure about this...

Holly Blue: (Offscreen) Your clarity? Is everything alright?

Sapphire: Just fine, Agate. We're ready to continue.

Me: I hope you know what your doing...

[The door opens. Agate, Ruby, Sapphire, and I walk through.]

Holly Blue; And we have arrived. That will be all, Pearl. (Pearl walks away and they get closer. Holly bows.) My Diamond. My gracious, wondrous, luminous, lustrous Diamond (looks up, seeing Yellow Diamond)... sss? [Gasps] Oh, my! It's truly an honor to bask in your radiance... ses?

Yellow Diamond: Get to the point, Agate.

Holly Blue: [Clears throat] Yes, of course. My deepest apologies. You'll be pleased to know that your Sapphire and Marble have completed your special delivery.

Blue Diamond: (Turns) What special delivery? (I gulp)

Holly Blue: Um, the special delivery you requested from Earth, of course.

Blue Diamond: (Serious tone) I never asked any Sapphire to go to Earth.

Sapphire: I... Um... (The floor below her begins to freeze up)

Yellow Diamond: And how is it that you have a Marble? Most of them were wiped out after the gem war. (She took a closer look at me) Why do you look so familiar to me?...

(I grow extremely nervous as Yellow Diamond examined me)

Me: (thoughts) Were dead. Were dead. We're soooo dead...

(Ruby holds Sapphire's hand behind her for comfort.)

Sapphire: My... future vision foresaw you, my Diamond, desiring more... humans for the zoo, so I... acted accordingly.

Blue Diamond: (Looks down)... It's true. The window for preserving Earth specimens is closing.

Yellow Diamond: (Turns to her) Is that what you want? Sapphire, has the Cluster emerged yet?

Sapphire: No, it has not.

Yellow Diamond: Then there's still time. That will be all. (Claps twice)

Holly Blue: (Bows) My Diamonds.

[Steven and Greg escape the room with an unknowing Agate relieved that all went well.]

Holly Blue: Two Diamonds?! I can't believe it! Can you believe it? Oh, well, of course, you can. You probably foresaw the whole thing.

Sapphire: Of course! No surprises here.

Holly Blue: I never expected to see Yellow Diamond in person. What a commanding presence. You can just feel strength and confidence radiating from her.

Me: That's not all that's radiating from her...

Holly Blue: Don't misunderstand me, of course. I'll always be in Blue's confidence, but if I had been made for Yellow, you wouldn't see me complaining. I do hope they appreciate all my hard work to preserve the Pink Diamond legacy. It would really make it worth being stationed here with these sorry excuses for Gems. Oh! It's a shame though. This outpost is so remote, I was beginning to think we'd been forgotten. But we haven't! Two Diamonds - one day! What an honor. I don't think anything could spoil this for me.

[Holly Blue notices Steven and Greg, who laugh nervously.]

Holly Blue: What... is... the meaning of this?! (The Quartz guards appear in the doorway) Why are these two outside the containment area?!

Sapphire: Holly Blue, I can explain.

Holly Blue: No need, your clarity. Not even you could have foreseen how incompetent these Amethysts are. (Summons a blue, electric whip) Well, if you want something done right, you just do it yourself. You two are coming with me! (Launches the whip at Steven and Greg)

[Ruby and Sapphire fuse into Garnet, who catches the whip's tail.]

Holly Blue: [Gasps]

Quartz guards: [Gasps]

Steven and Greg: Garnet!

Garnet: Steven, get Greg on board!

Greg: Yes, please!

Garnet: We'll handle this noise.

[Pearl slices the whip in half, and Amethyst spin dashes to wrap it around Holly Blue, being cheered on afterward by the Quartz guards.]

Garnet: I've been waiting to do this all day.

[Garnet threatens Holly Blue with her gauntlet, but punches her in the stomach with her normal hand instead. The Quartz Gems and I laugh.]

Me: Oh snap! She got you good!

Holly Blue: You're not supposed to-

Me: Aw, shaddap! (I slap Holly Blue)

Holly Blue: What are you doing?! They're traitors! Destroy them!

Quartz guards: [All say their goodbyes]

Amethyst: [Smooches] "Famethyst" for life!

Holly Blue: I'll report you to the Diamonds! All of you! You'll all be shattered!

Pearl: You're really gonna tell the Diamonds that you allowed a band of traitorous rebels to infiltrate a highly secure facility and escape from right under your careful watch? [Inhales sharply] Doesn't sound like a wise thing to do, Holly Blue. So do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut. That will be all. (Bows and Steven claps twice)

Me: Ohhohoho! You just got roasted!

[Holly Blue groans in misery while the Quartz Gems continue to laugh at her. The Crystal Gems fly off back toward Earth in the Roaming Eye.]

Greg: Thanks so much for coming to get me. That has to be, like, the third craziest weekend I've ever had.

Steven: Dad, I'm really sorry I got you into all this. This whole thing started 'cause I wanted answers.

Greg: You don't have to be sorry about a thing. I hope you found what you were looking for.

Steven: I did. I found you.

[The episode ends with the Roaming Eye warping away.]

Well, we didn't solve the mystery around Pink Diamond. But, we're all still alive. And we humiliated a Holly Blue Agate. I'd say it was a productive mission. As for Pink Diamond? Well, let's just say... That's another story.


	71. Year 4 - Storm in the Room

**Year 4: Storm in the Room**

After that adventure in the human zoo, It sure was great to be back on earth. And Connie, Peri, and Lapis were keeping Beach city safe while we were away. They made a new sign for Greg's car wash, that's nice. Though it was after they destroyed the last one, but I digress. I decided to spend some time with Steven, to comfort him after the whole episode. Little did I know that the kid's gonna be needin' some more comfort than I thought.

(The episode begins outside the temple)

Pearl: Are you sure you don't want to come with us, Marble?

Me: Nah, I already had enough travelling for one day. I'll just be hangin' out with the boy. Hey, save me a slice will you?

Amethyst: You got it. (Greg and the Gems drive off. I notice that it was beginning to rain and I walk inside the house)

Me: Steven? You decent?

(Steven notices me)

Steven: Huh? It's just you, Marble. (I notice that Steven's clothes were soggy)

Me: Pretty rainy outside, huh?

Steven: Yeah. Are the others with you?

Me: No. They're out. Should be back after a while. Just us until then. (I sat down beside him) You gonna finish that? (Steven gives me the bowl of soggy mac and cheese and I eat it)

Steven: (sighs and looks at the portait of Rose) Marble? Can I ask you something?

Me: Sure, what is it?

Steven: What was my mom like? (I gulp)

Me: Uh, your mom? Well... that's a pretty delicate topic, dont'cha think?

Steven: (sighs) I just wanna know, Marble. I want to know what she did, what happened?... (Looks at the portrait) I just want to know the real Rose. Not the Rose that everyone tells me about. I just want to know the truth.

Me: Oh, boy... Listen kid, I know you want to get some answers. But it's not like you can ask her yourself.

(Just then, Steven's gem begins to glow and his room opens, he walks inside.)

Me: Steven? Steven, where are you going? (I follow him inside Rose's room) What in the world...? (I look around and see a whole area full of pink clouds) Where am I?

As I continued to trek through Steven's mysterious looking room. I finally found Steven and one big surprise that... left me speechless.

Steven: Uh, hey room! It's been a bit huh? Is that a new cloud? (Laughs) So, I suppose you're wondering why I'm here, I know nothing in here is real but, I wanna see my Mom.

(Rose Quartz appears from clouds.)

Rose Quartz: (Walks up to Steven.) Hello Steven.

Steven: Um, it's nice to meet you.

Rose Quartz: (Laughs) It's nice to meet you too.

Steven: (Laughs) Sorry, this is a little weird for me.

Me: Steven? (I walk closer to Steven) There you are. I have to say, you've got a lovely room here, plenty of space and... (I stopped once I saw Rose. Rose looks at me as I stood speechless)

Rose Quartz: Oh, hello there. Are you one of Steven's- (Suddenly, I run up to the cloud Rose and hug her. Tears of joy flowed from my eyes)

Me: Rose! Oh, my Quartz! I... I thought I never see you again! W-W-With the kid and the war and... (I continue to hug her) Oh! You don't know how glad I am to see you...

Steven: Uh, Marble? You know that's not- (Sees how happy Marble is and thinks for a second) Nevermind...

Rose Quartz: (Giggles) Steven, you never told me your friend was so happy to see me.

Me: Friend? Rose, come on. It's me! Marble! One of the Crystal Gems? Hey, remember that one time that I put pizza slice tan-line on Greg? Priceless!

Rose Quartz: (Laughs) You're so funny, Marble. Greg can be very careless sometimes.

Me: Yeah! And remember when Pearl- (Gasps) Pearl! Oh my gosh, the other gems! And Greg! Oh, Greg! He'll be so surprised to see you again! And Pearl, oh man! When she sees you, it's gonna be like, an emotional volcano up in there! (I grab Rose's arm) Come on! You've got to see them! Come on!

Steven: Wait! You can't let her see the gems!

Me: Huh?

Steven: Uh, I mean. Just yet... I wanted to spend time with mom first.

Me: Oh, yeah. Maybe we'll save the surprise for later. Right now we've got some lost time to make up for!

Rose Quartz: Okay, so what do you wanna do?

Steven: Oh, uh I guess I hadn't thought that far ahead. Do you like video games?

(Game appears.)

Rose Quartz: So tell me about this game Steven.

Steven: Well, I guess it's an arm wrestling simulator, which is a spinoff of a fighting game. Based on a show about a lonely swordsman that I like. It's kinda weird and hard to explain, but that's why I like it.

Rose Quartz: That sounds just marvelous.

Steven: Yay, I won!

Rose Quartz: Yay, you won.

Steven: What else do kids do with their parents?

Me: Hmm... Well, they like to play football.

(A cloud football appears, and Steven grabs it. A montage of the football being thrown is shown as Steven catches it.)

Rose: Nice catch, son. (gives him thumbs up)

Steven: This is fun. (throws football') Or would baseball be better?

Rose: Steven. All sports are beautiful. Each sport is a unique experience. The adrenaline, the glory. (catches football and spins around) The sheer feats of athleticism, each one of them so complicated. And yet, exactly the same. (descends onto the ground)

Steven: Whoa.

Me: (I shed a tear) Oh, I miss that poetic genius of yours Rose.

Rose: Thank you, Marble. Hey Steven! (Steven turns and Rose holds the football for him to kick on the ground)

Steven: You know, I always thought there was something strange about my adolescence. Maybe this is what I've been missing. Football!

(Steven runs towards the football and Rose lifts it away at the last second and he misses the kick, flying in the air.)

Steven: Whooa! (falls to the ground)

Me: Eat your heat out, Schultz.

(Steven and Rose laugh.)

Steven: Touchdown!

Rose: Steven. (pats down the floor next to her for him to sit)

Steven: (sits down) I've been, uh thinking about you a lot. More than usual.

Rose: Is that so?

Steven: Yeah, well...for my whole life, I've been hearing stories about you. About how amazing you were. That you were so kind and loving. And every time I'd see the painting hanging of you in the temple, you inspired. And reminded of how much I had to live up to you. I've (laughs) uh, even thought about dying my hair pink. More than once.

Rose: (laughs and puts her hand on him) There's nothing wrong with your hair. It's wonderful just the way it is. Wonderful in every way. Just like you. (Steven lies down on her and she hugs him)

Steven: Wow...this is it. It-it's really nice.(tears up) I-I should have tried this a long time ago.

Rose: But Steven, don't you realize? We've been together this whole time.

Steven: (closes his eyes and tears run) Oh! (laughs) That's-that's right!

Me: Let me in on that hug! (Rose pulls me in for the hug) Oh... that feels nice...

Steven: (sniffles and a tear comes down, and Steven lets go) Oh, this is the first time we've hung out together.(takes out phone) I gotta capture this moment! (Steven snaps a photo of himself, me, and Rose. He looks down and only sees me and himself in the photo.)

Me: Huh, that's weird. Must be a glitch in the phone. (I grab Steven's phone and see only nothing as I took the picture. I look at Rose and back at the phone.)

Steven: There's nothing here but us, Marble. We were talking to no one this whole time.

Me: (scoffs) What are you talking about? Rose's right here.

Steven: That's not my mom.

Rose: I'm not?

Steven: This is how I want you to be. But I don't know if this is who you really are. (Room suddenly grows dark)

Me: What the?

Steven: I've learned things about you. Things you wanted to keep secret. You locked Bismuth away inside of Lion, because she wanted to shatter Gems, and you never told Garnet or Pearl. But then you shattered Pink Diamond! Now all of Homeworld has it out for Earth, and the Crystal Gems and me! You put us all in danger, and you just disappeared! (Thunder rumbles and lightning strikes in the room. Wind blows and Steven is knocked to the ground. Rose stands still but begins floating in the storm.) I finally know the truth. I know what you are! You're a liar! I thought you'd never want to hurt anyone! You hurt everyone! How could you just leave Garnet, and Amethyst and Pearl, and-and Dad?! They don't know what to do without you! (gets up) Maybe they didn't matter to you as much as hiding the mess you made! And that's why I'm here, isn't it?! Did you just make me so you just wouldn't have to deal with your mistakes?! (Steven sighs and falls to his knees, sighing) Is that what I'm all here for...?

Me: Steven...

(Rose floats down and the storm calms down.)

Rose: Steven, you know that isn't true. In the tape I left you, I told you I how much I wanted to have you and let you exist. Do you think what I said to you in the tape was a lie?

Steven: No... I'm sure you meant it. (Rose comes over to hug him, and it begins to rain in the room) I get it. I know you didn't want me to deal with your problems. You're a part of me now. I have to deal with what you left behind. (hugs her tighter, and she disappears into clouds. Looks at Marble and sighs) Sorry you had to find out this way, Marble.

Me: (sighs) I should be a mixture of both sad and mad at you for fabricating the one person I thought I'd never see again, and totally playing with my emotions. Not cool. (Steven looks down) But... I actually had a great time today. It was good to actually be with Rose again for the first time in years. Even though she wasn't really here. But I feel like she's still here. With me... (I see that Steven's gone) Steven?

(The room door opens and Steven sadly emerges from it. He heads over to the couch to lie down and turns away. The front door opens with Greg and the Gems.)

Greg: Hey, Shtoo-ball! Guess who's back in jean shorts! And guess who also got you a pizza? (sets it down) It was me! (hugs him)

Steven: Dad! Amethyst? Garnet? And Pearl, too?

Greg: They were all out of pepperoni by the way, so I just got you mushroom. I hope that's alright. (Marble sits by Steven)

Steven: (picks up a slice) It's perfect.

So there you have it, a gripping tale about our dear friend Rose. Even though she's not here with us today. It's great to know that her spirit lives one with us, The Crystal Gems. And mostly, to Steven...


	72. SUMMER HIATUS NOTE

**Attention my dearest fans, I have an important announcement to make! Summer officially starts next week and as you can tell by the many chapters I've made, I have been working too hard non-stop for months and have negelcted my projects from outside the site. So starting next week, I'll be taking advantage of two months of summer I have to take a break from Fanfiction for a while. But don't worry! This doesn't mean I'm leaving perminently. I'll be back as soon as summer ends. Mostly because my inspiration thinks better during the fall season. So, If any of you guys have any ideas for my stories feel free to PM me.**

 **See you in September!**

 **\- Kinghammer**


	73. Year 4 - Rocknaldo

**Year 4: Rocknaldo**

I was walking with Steven down the Beach city docks one fine day. How I admired to see so many familiar faces I haven't seen in about a week since we went off to outer space to save Steven's dad. And I almost got my gem handed to Yellow Diamond. I certainly needed a day off from all that. But of course that was compromised thanks to one certain crackpot who I don't mind forgetting...

[Steven and I notice Ronaldo handing pamphlets to citizens as they pass by]

Ronaldo: The horror! The terror! Protect yourself against the menace that threatens Beach City!

Me: Oh great... What's he babbling on about this time?

(Onion jumps in out of the blue)

Ronaldo: Protect yourself against the menace that threatens Beach City? Mr. Smiley, protect yourself against the menace that threatens Beach City? (I walk over to him) Aah! Stay back rock person!

Me: Rock person? What are you talking about?

Ronaldo: I'm talking about the latest threat to Beach City: rock people! Sentient space rocks come to invade earth! (I grab a pamphlet and read it)

Me: Seriously? You gotta be a complete idiot to fall for this shtick!

(Just then, Steven came in and grabbed the pamphlet from my hands)

Steven: I'll protect myself from the menace that threatens Beach City.

Me: (facepalms) I weep for this generations youth...

Ronaldo: Steven! I knew I could count on you!

(Steven takes a pamphlet and sits down on a bench)

Steven: Let's get knowledgeable! (I grab the pamphlet from Steven)

Me: Let's not!

Steven: Hey! I wanted to protect myself against the menace that threatens Beach City!

Me: What menace!? There hasn't been a menace threatening this town in months! We were always there to stop it!

Steven: Well, yeah. But these guys sound real tough. I mean they are sentient space rocks.

Me: Steven! Are you even hearing yourself?! "Sentient Space Rocks"! That's the most idiotic thing I've ever heard! (sighs) Look, Steven. I'm only trying to protect your adorable little mind from social network parasites like him. I mean, think for a second do you really believe in such thing as... [reads from the pamphlet] "Sentinent space rocks that can change their form at any time, combine their bodies to make one giant being, and summon weapons out of thier-

Steven: What? (Steven grabs the pamphlet and reads it) "They're adding mind-controlling minerals to our water suppl-" "They hate men"?!

Ronaldo: Protect yourself against the menace that-

Steven: Ronaldo! Wait! What is this?

Ronaldo: Well, technically, it's an infozine pamphlet, but I've been calling them "Ronalphlets."

Steven: I get that part. I'm talking about all this mean stuff you're saying about the Crystal Gems!

Ronaldo: No-no-no. Crystal Gems aren't Rock People. Crystal Gems fight Rock People. See my documentary Rising Tides, Crashing Skies.

Steven: Crystal Gems don't just fight Rock People. We are Rock People! Also, don't say "Rock People". It's offensive.

Ronaldo: Rock People are different, obviously. For starters, they have rocks embedded in their bodies.

Steven: (Lifts up shirt, showing his gemstone) Like this?

Ronaldo: But they can summon weapons from the Mud Dimension.

(Steven summons his shield)

Ronaldo: No-no, you're not getting it. They can alter their forms. That's how they trick humans into loving them!

(Steven shapeshifts his finger into a cat finger)

Ronaldo: Aww! Wait a second. You're a Rock Person?!

Steven: I'm a Crystal Gem, Ronaldo. (Dismisses cat finger and his shield) And you're not wrong about everything. We're just ignored and misunderstood.

Ronaldo: I'm so glad you're the only one that took a Ronalphlet! I'm so sorry! [Weeps]

Steven: Hey, it's okay. Everyone makes mistakes. Just as long as you realize that the Crystal Gems and I aren't that different from you.

Ronaldo: Right. Thanks, Steven. I gotta go... rethink some things.

[The scene switches to the interior of the Beach House. The Crystal Gems are reading Ronaldo's blog]

Amethyst: (Reading Ronaldo's post) "I'm shutting down my blog," blah blah blah, "social media," blah. "I may never come back to the Internet!" [Chuckles] Whoa, dude.

Pearl: I suppose it's a good thing that he's taking time to think.

Me: The longer the better.

Steven: There's a new post.

Pearl: Hmmm.

Steven: It's a video.

Ronaldo: Good day, loyal followers of Keep Beach City Weird. I've come to you today because I pride myself in bringing you the truth about all the weird stuff in Beach City the Man doesn't want you to know about. But today, I need to tell you some truths about this man! I've mixed up what is right and wrong and ended up saying some pretty mean things about the Crystal Gems. I feel terrible about my mistake because I know more than anyone what it's like to do thankless work and to be an outsider. That's why I'm joining the Crystal Gems!

Me: Joining the what now?

(Ronaldo's video keeps playing in the background)

Ronaldo: (Knocks door, and then slam opens the door) Steven!

Steven: Ronaldo...

Ronaldo: Guess what!

Steven: You want to join the Crystal Gems.

Ronaldo: [Gasps] I thought you'd never- (I slam the door before he continued)

Me: Nope. (I walk away)

Steven: Marble. (Steven opens the door for Ronaldo and he steps in with his luggage)

Ronaldo: You know, I always felt strangely at home here.

Me: You don't even live here! You barely know about this place!

Pearl: Unh-unh. No. You are not living here. And you certainly can't join the Crystal Gems.

Ronaldo: But...

Garnet: You don't have a gem. Your body is organic.

Me: (I push Ronaldo out the door) Sorry, 'Naldo. But they're right. You just don't meet the Crystal Gems standards. But thanks for visiting and feel free to visit sometime, bye! (I slam the door at him again but Steven opens it again)

Steven: My body's organic and I'm a Crystal Gem. (I close the door)

Me: That's different, Steven. You have a gem on you and he doesn't.

Steven: (Opens the door) Yeah, but he wants this.

Me: (Closes the door) But we don't.

Steven: (Opens the door) He has to join us.

Me: (Closes the door) Let's just get one thing straight here. He won't stay here!

Steven: (Opens the door) He will!

Me: (Closes the door) He won't!

Steven: (Opens the door) He will!

Me: (Closes the door) He won't!

Steven: (Opens the door) He will!

Me: (Closes the door) He won't!

Steven: (Opens the door) He will!

Me: (Closes the door) He won't!

Steven: He will!

Me: (Opens the door) He will!

Steven: (Closes the door) He won't!

Me: (Opens the door) He will!

Steven: (Closes the door) He won't!

Me: (Opens the door) He will!

Steven: (Closes the door) He won't!

Me: (Opens the door) He will!

Steven: (Closes the door) He won't!

Me: (Opens the door) He will!

Steven: (Closes the door) He won't!

Me: (Opens the door) He will!

Steven: (Closes the door) He won't!

Me: (Opens the door) Enough! I say Ronaldo will stay here and that's final!

Steven: (Brings Ronaldo inside) Great! Glad we can agree on something.

Me: (Realizing my folly) Clever boy...

Pearl: You're going to entertain this?

Steven: We're all different, but we love and accept each other. That's what Crystal Gems do. And isn't it great that someone is actually interested in what we do? What better way to show him what we're about than to accept him as a Crystal Gem, too?

Pearl: Uhhh...

Garnet: (Slowly claps)

Amethyst: (Claps) Let's do this!

Pearl: Well, it's not the strangest house guest we've had.

[Steven and Ronaldo are in Steven's room; Ronaldo is rummaging through his luggage]

Ronaldo: So, when do I get issued my gem?

Steven: Oh... It doesn't really-uh-eh- But if you had a gem, what would you want it to be?

Ronaldo: Well, I care so much, I think it'd be, like, deep in my heart. Or like a million tiny gems, like one crushed-up gem coursing through my blood, like-like... Bloodstone!

Steven: Perfect! That's your Crystal Gem name.

Ronaldo: Wait! Check it out! (Pulls out a sword) I have a Gem Weapon now, too!

Steven: Wow! A sword!

Ronaldo: I got it at DelmarvaCon last year. It's a replica from the anime I Can't Believe My Stepdad's My Sword. It can cut through a carton of milk like a carton of butter!

Steven: There's a half-full juice box by the TV.

(Ronaldo unsheathes the sword and hits the juice box, sending it flying to the fridge.)

Ronaldo: [Grunts]

(Steven tapes a paper star on Ronaldo's shirt)

Steven: Nice! That star looks good on you.

Ronaldo: Thanks.

(The other Gems warp in)

Amethyst: Mission time!

Ronaldo: Awesome! Let me grab my katana from upstairs. (Ronaldo jumps on the couch, trying to reach the sword and fails miserably.) [Wheezes, pants] I'ma take the stairs.

Me: Should I tell him or should you?

Pearl: Uh, I'm sorry, Bloodfry. You're going to have to sit this one out. It's a bit dangerous.

Ronaldo: But Steven gets to go.

Me: That's because he can handle it. He had years of training while you just been here for one day.

Steven: Don't worry, Bloodstone. I didn't get to come along at first either. We can start your training soon. Be back in a bit!

(The Gems warp out)

Ronaldo: But... I'm a Crystal Gem, too.

(Ronaldo is standing in front of Steven and inspecting him with a pair of binoculars)

Steven: Um... hi, Bloodstone.

Ronaldo: Oh. Hi, Steven. Didn't see you there. So... how'd the mission go without me holding you back?

Steven: Uh, it went fine. You know, the usual - fighting monsters, sharing emotions.

Ronaldo: I'm glad you didn't get hurt. With me not there.

Steven: Yeah... Well, I'm heading out.

Ronaldo: And you're going out like that?

Steven: Uh... like what?

Ronaldo: Well, I just think a real Crystal Gem would want to show off their gem, like, all the time. If I had a gem, I'd show mine off.

(Steven ties a knot in the bottom of his shirt, revealing his gem)

[The scene changes to the Beach House at night; Steven is in bed]

Steven's Phone:You are in a quiet forest. The trees are quiet. The sky is quiet. A small rabbit begins to sing.

Steven: Ahhh...

Ronaldo: Rah!

Steven: What the-

Ronaldo: [Inhales] [Grunts] (Hits a milk carton with his sword, splashing milk in Steven's face)

Steven: [Sighs] Bloodstone, I know you want to train, but it's bedtime.

Ronaldo: Funny that you... sleep, when Gems don't need sleep. Why is that?

Steven: I-I don't know. Because I'm half human, I get tired and I...

Ronaldo: Huh. Well, I'm two halves human, and I'm not [Yawns] tired at all.

(Ronaldo swings the sword around. He drops it. Steven's eye twitches.)

Ronaldo: Ever since I became a Crystal Gem, uh... sleeping... [Chuckles] I don't... do it.

Steven: That's great, Bloodstone.

Ronaldo: (Sleepy) What a cool name. I'm so cool. (Falls off to the first floor)

[The next day inside the temple, I was practicing my attacks at a training dummy]

Ronaldo: Hello, Marble.

Me: Beat it, Bloodstone..

Ronaldo: Ha! Classic Marble. Always with the sass. But I have to say that your weapon isn't as accurate at attacking.

Me: And your stupid toy sword can attack better?

Ronaldo: I'll have you know that my stepdad sword is top of the line. Watch as it slices this training dummy in half like a milk carton. [Ronaldo swings his sword at the dummy but it didn't cut] Huh. Maybe i need to swing harder? [He swings his sword harder and still nothing, he then swing his sword so hard hit knocks it over] Ha! How's tha- [The dummy swings back at Ronaldo, knocking him down] Oof!

Me: Hm. Hard to tell which one's the dummy.

[Later, just outside of Steven's house, Connie is leaving.]

Steven: Bye, Connie! See you tomorrow for sword training! (Bumps into Ronaldo) Ah!

Ronaldo: Her gem weapon's a sword, huh? She totally ripped that off from me.

Steven: What?! That sword belonged to my mom!

Ronaldo: How come I don't get your mom's gempon? That's "Gem" and "weapon".

Steven: Well, Connie's been a part of the Crystal Gems longer than you, so...

Ronaldo: Admit it. She's just in because she's your girlfriend.

Steven: What are you talking about?!

Ronaldo: She doesn't even live here! I'm here all the time! Look at that quality groove I've established! If she was a real Crystal Gem, she'd be a little bit more dedicated!

Steven: Are you serious?! Bloodstone, ever since you got here, all you've done is boss me around! Who are you to tell anyone how to be a Crystal Gem?! You're just-You're just... a guy with a blog!

Ronaldo: (Deadpan) Is that love? Is that acceptance? Maybe you're the one that isn't a Crystal Gem. I think you need to leave and think about stuff.

Steven: (Pacing outside) What is my problem? He just wanted to be included...

Me: Are you hearing yourself, Universe? You're taking blame for taking that guys baloney! He has been a complete pest since he moved in with us! We have to get rid of him!

Steven: But, Marble. He's just trying to be a part ofthe team.

Me: Sorry, Steve-O. You had your chance. Now we're doing this my way. And I've got just the plan to drive that fruit loop back to his fry-shack...

[Later, back at the temple]

Ronaldo: [Maniacally laughs] Amethyst! [Laughs]

Amethyst: Yo, I didn't even say anything.

[Just then the gems and Ronaldo sees some light coming from outside]

Pearl: What's going on?

[The gems and Ronaldo ran outside and see a giant cardboard hand painted red and blue]

Pearl: What's this?

[Inside, Steven and I were controlling the hand]

Steven: You really think Ronaldo's going to fall for this?

Me: We're talking about the guy who believes in 'snake people' controlling our government. Trust me. [Takes a deep breath] Okay... You can do this... [I shapeshift myself into a giant gem and walked outside]

Ronaldo: Woah...

Me: Bloodstone. I have been watching you for quite a while. You've really proven yourself to be quite the warrior.

Ronaldo: Ha! I knew it! Told ya!

Pearl: We all know that's Marble, right?

Amethyst: I didn't know she can make herself that big!

Garnet: She won't be able to hold it.

Me: I want you to come with us back to our world to begin your training.

[Ronaldo looked on in awe but then he looked back at the gems]

Ronaldo: I'm sorry, madam. You make a compelling offer, but my place is here on earth with the Crystal Gems.

Me: But... This is your destiny! You were meant for something greater!

Ronaldo: There is nothing greater than being on this team! I am a Crystal Gem and I swear by my sword to always be there to defend the earth!

Me: Are you kidding me!? You're- [I couldn't hold my form anymore and shrunk back to my original form. I lied down on the ground completely exhausted; panting] Guh! Huh! Too big!...

Garnet: Told you she couldn't hold it.

Ronaldo: Marble! I should've known it was you, you little prankster you!

Me: [Still exhausted] You.. don't... belong... on... this... team...

Steven: [Walks out of the cardboard hand] Marble, stop! You shouldn't be doing this! Of course he belongs with us! If I were a Crystal Gem I would... wait a minute... That's it! Bloodstone! You're right! The Crystal Gems are about love and acceptance! But you've been acting really mean to me, and I don't love that. I don't accept that. I wish I hadn't snapped at you, it's just... I really thought you joined because you were interested in the Crystal Gems. But the second it wasn't about you, you stopped caring. This isn't the Bloodstone club about making Bloodstone feel good. This is my whole life! Do you care about that or not?!

(Ronaldo's star starts falling off, and then he faints)

Amethyst: Whoa! You truthed him so hard, he died!

Steven: No! Bloodstone! Bloodstone!

Me: Relax, SU. He's just sleeping.

Ronaldo: [Snores]

Steven: [Sighs] Thank goodness. Guess staying awake for a whole week finally caught up with him.

Me: He stood up for just a week? Pfft. Ametur.

Pearl: Well, what do we do with Fryrocko now?

[The Crystal Gems bring Ronaldo to Beach Citywalk Fries, and drop him on the ground outside]

Garnet: We should let his parent know he's back.

Amethyst: (Shapeshifts into Ronaldo) Hey, Dad. I'm back. Blog, blog, blog.

Me: Ha! Nailed it!

Pearl: That was really good!

Amethyst: (Shapeshifts back) Thanks!

Steven: I'll... text Peedee and let him know he's here. You think he'll be okay?

Amethyst: You've worried about him enough, Steven.

Garnet: Crystal Gems, let's head back.

(Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst, and I jump away farther down the beach and walk away)

Me: (Offscreen)I don't think that jump was necessary.

Amethyst: (Offscreen) No, but it did look cool.

Me: (Offscreen) Yeah, it did...

Ronaldo: [Snores]

[Three weeks later, Steven is walking around the boardwalk with a worried expression on his face]

Steven: (Sees Ronaldo standing by a bench) Bloodstone!

Ronaldo: Oh. Hey, Steven.

Steven: Are you all right? I haven't seen you in three weeks.

Ronaldo: Yeah. I took a real long nap, and then I did some hard thinking. I wasn't acting like Bloodstone. I was acting like [Inhales] Jerknaldo. You accepted me, but I still felt like an outsider. I guess even amongst outsiders, I am the ultimate outsider. I think it's better Ronaldo Fryman work alone.

Steven: Are you sure? I was really glad you wanted to help our cause.

Ronaldo: I still do. (Hands Steven a new "Ronalphlet")

Steven: Oh. It's you and Pearl shaking hands. When did that happen?

Ronaldo: I used the magic of photo-editing software. Hey, but, uh... Ronalphlets aside, can I ask you something?

Steven: Yeah?

Ronaldo: Why don't you use your Gem name?

Steven: Oh. My Gem name is my mom's name. Actually, the only time Gems really call me that is if they're about to kidnap me or beat me up.

Ronaldo: That's rough, buddy. You want me to put that in the Ronalphlet?

Steven: Eh... maybe not.

Ronaldo: Got it.

(The screen closes in a star shape on Ronaldo's face.)


	74. Year 4 - Tiger Philanthropist

**Year 4 - Tiger Philanthropist**

[The episode begins outside the Abandoned Warehouse. Another wrestling match is ongoing.]

Mr. Smiley: They're the team you love to hate, but also hate to love!

Me: Give them heck, Puma!

Lars: I love wrestling!

Mr. Smiley: Ooh, another devastating move by Purple Puma and Tiger Millionaire tonight

folks! Looks like Shark-O-Mania is seeing starfish after that last one!

Steven: Let's finish him off with our special move!

Amethyst: Yeah, why not?

Steven: Take my hand!

[Purple Puma takes Tiger Millionaire's hand and spins him in the air.]

Mr. Smiley: Here it comes, ya'll. The Purple Millionaire kick!

[Purple Puma spins Tiger around so he kicks Shark-O Mania in the face, knocking them on their back.]

Mr. Smiley: And Shark-O-Mania's out cold. Somebody put that fish on ice before it stinks up the joint! Folks, Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma have done it again! They are still your tag team champions! Will their special brand of jungle terror ever come to an end?

[The crowd cheers loudly, including Lars.]

Lars: Yeah! Don't ever stop!

Steven: Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma forever!

Mr. Smiley: Such dedication to teamwork! And friendship- (Purple Puma takes his microphone) Wha-

Amethyst: (sighs) Hey, it's been fun but, I'm over this.

[The crowd gasps, and goes silent.]

Me: [Shocked] WHAT!?

Steven: W-What's going on?

Amethyst: I'm through with this place! Here's your belt back. (drops the mic)

Me: B-B-B-But...

Mr. Smiley: Hey now, that mic is expensive! You can't just (she removes her tag team belt and drops it) Oh, no, you're just gonna do that and leave?!

[Steven runs over and picks up the belt, picking the microphone up.]

Steven: Uh, sorry everyone. I guess... this is over. Bye, Mr. Smiley

[The crowd begins protesting and booing as Amethyst and Steven exit.]

Mr. Smiley: What an unbelievable shame, folks.

Lars: What! That's it?! You can't quit now!

Mr. Smiley: What a sad and anti-climatic end to one of the greatest tag team careers to ever grace the squared surface.

[Still shocked by the news, I ran after Steven and Amethyst. The door closes behind Amethyst and Steven, and she shapeshifts back into herself.]

Amethyst: Ahh! Got my Saturday night spank.

[I open the door]

Me: What the heck was that back there!? You just admitted you're retiring in front of your loving audience!

Steven: Did you really mean what you said? About being through with wrestling?

Amethyst: Come on, Steven. Wasn't that match kinda boring? We don't need wrestling to have fun anymore, right?

Steven: Uh, right!

Me: [I grab Amethyst] ARE YOU CRAZY!? We've built an entire career on this! And you want to give up!?

Amethyst: Dude! Relax. Face it, We've been doing this for years now. But things have changed since then.

Me: I know that, but don't you think you might be giving up too soon? I mean, we're at the top of our game! Everyone loves you! All the wrestlers envy you! You loved this.

Amethyst: Before. I loved it before. But now, I'm just done with wrestling. But it was fun having you as my manager, Marble. Now come on. Let's go home and get some grub.

As Steven and Amethyst walked home, I felt like a washed up wrestling star. Amethyst and I always enjoyed sneaking off into the night and duked out a secret life of wrestling. We used to spend so much time together. But now, I fear that I might be losing her...

[The next day, I was in The Big Donut on a table. Sadie was walking to her table with a box of donuts.]

Sadie: Here you go. One cup of coffee and one box of donuts.

Me: Thank you, donut girl. Your service will not be forgotten.

Sadie: Uh... okay? [She pours me a cup]

Me: Leave the jug. [Sadie leaves the jug of coffee on my table. And I drank from the jug]

[Steven then enters the store]

Steven: Marble? What are you doing here?

Me: Drowning my sorrows in coffee. What's it look like?

Steven: Oh. I get that, you're still peeved about Amethyst quitting last night? [I bang my hand on the table]

Me: [agitated] I used to be part of something big! We were gonna go all the way to the championships! Gonna be up there with the big wrestling stars like Sheamus, Sin Cara, Kane! [sobs] Oh, Kane! He was the brutalest one of all... [I lie my head down on the table]

Steven: [Looks on in concern] Okay... [Walks over to Sadie and Lars] Hey Sadie, hey Lars! Can I get the special?

[Lars drops Steven's order on the counter.]

Steven: (Picks up his order) Uh.

Lars: (Groaning) Tiger...

Steven: (Gasps)

Lars: ... he left wrestling at the highest of his career. (Groaning) Why~?

Sadie: Why don't you just ask Steven?

Lars: You and your theory. Steven is not Tiger. Tiger's ripped and like seven feet tall.

Steven: Well, I heard Purple Puma didn't want to do it anymore.

Me: She didn't want to do it becuase she thinks it isn't fun anymore! [eats a donut] You wanna know what's fun? Slamming the Good Looking gang and breaking one of thier jaws. Remeber that? I remember that... [I lie down on the table]

Lars: See? She understands it! Besides, just because Purple Puma quit doesn't mean Tiger had to.

Steven: (Pensive) I also heard Tiger didn't think of that.

Lars: Well, he shoulda. It's the least he could do for his fans.

Steven: (Pensive) Hmm... (Leaves the shop)

Sadie: O-uh. It is him, right?

Later that night, another wrestling match was going down in the old warehouse. Sure, my days of participating are over but at least I could still watch. But little did I know that tonight's show was in for a surprising guest star...

Mr. Smiley: Now I know these days we are in a depression. But underground wrestling is too big to fade. We got two new fighters on loan and they are here to collect. Ladies and gentlemen, The Wolves of Wallstreet!

Billy Bank Assets: We'll huff! We'll puff! And we'll blow your stocks down!

Lars: What a ripoff.

Me: [drinking the jug of coffee] Hey, wolves! You huff and puff but your team blows!

Lars: Ha! Good one!

Me: Shut up. [kept drinking from the jug]

Sadie: Uh, I'm gonna need that jug back.

[A familiar looking figure wearing a shawl enters the building and jumps to the ring]

Mr. Smiley: What's this? It looks like we have a new challenger making his way into the ring. What mystery could possibly lie beneath that identity-concealing shawl?

[Steven, dressed as Tiger Millionaire, removes his disguise. Cue Tiger Millionaire's theme. I was shocked and spat out my coffee]

Me: WHAT!?

Mr. Smiley: I don't believe! It's Tiger Millionaire ladies and gentlemen.

Steven: You are wrong Mr. Smiley. Tiger Millionaire, is gone forever. He retired to his huge pile of money. But he realized it didn't make him happy. So here I am ready to give back to the fans. Tiger Philanthrophist!

[Tiger Philanthrophist throws money to a very excited crowd. Sadie is confused. Lars is unamused. And I looked on concerned]

Me: I gotta go! [I drop the jug smashing it and ran off]

Sadie: And now you have to pay for that...

Mr. Smiley: So the millionaire becomes a philanthropist. A person who gives money away!

But I ask you. Can the Purple Puma's backup make it solo?

Steven: Bring it on! [I appear from the guidelines]

Me: [whispering] Pssst! Steven! What are you doing?!

Steven: [whispering] I'm continuing our wrestling gig.

Me: But you're outnumbered! You're gonna get creamed!

Steven: [To his opponents] Hey, tough boy! You need a loan to start a small business?

Billy Bank Assets: Oh. I'm actually pretty financially stable-

Steven: 'cause you've just been approved.

Billy Bank Assets: But I guess that-

[Steven charges at Billy with an elbow strike and knocks him down. I was impressed by his attack]

Mr. Smiley: Oh my dang! Billy Bank Assets just got a taste of The Philanthropist business loan elbow! Howl Jones is still in this match thought! He's gonna make a withdraw! Oh! Overdraft!

Steven: (Throws money at Howl Jones) This should cover your medical bills!

Mr. Smiley: What a generous wrestler! Oh-what? Looks like Shark-o-Mania is back for revenge! With a new partner! The Sea-Wasp! Which is a very poisonous type of jellyfish.

Steven: Ha! Looks like we'll have to give them the old Purple Pum-(Looks behind, and realized Amethyst is not there)

Mr. Smiley: Dang! How is Tiger gonna get out off this fishy situation?

Me: I can't watch! (I cover my eyes)

Steven: Ahhhh

[Steven charges at Shark-o-Mania and Sea-Wasp and takes them both down with an arm to their guts. I looked and I was impressed]

Me: Wow...

Mr. Smiley: Oh! He hit 'em with a charitable Take-Donation! And now a wringing-catapultist! Did you see that? He's paying for their medical bills too! It looks like this philanthropist is the real deal, ladies and gentlemen! No one is leaving here tonight unimpressed.

[Steven looks at Lars and frowns, noticing a look of disinterest on his face. Later, outside the warehouse.]

Me: (I run up to Steven) Tiger! That was great! You slaughtered them in there! You slayed them! You paid for their medical bills! I love it! I love it! [I gave Steven a noogie]

Steven: Hah. Thanks Marble... [I noticed that Steven was looking down]

Me: Hey, what's the matter Steven? You miss Puma?

Steven: Huh? Oh, it's nothing Marble. See ya...

[The next day, Steven went into the Big Donut to see Lars]

Steven: (Cheery) Hi Lars!

Lars: (Deadpan) Uh, what.

Steven: So... how was your evening?

Lars: Fine I guess. Kind of boring

Steven: What do you mean kind of boring?

Lars: Why are you so worked up over how my night was?

Steven: Oh, uh. Well, I was wondering if you've seen any good wrestling matches lately?

Lars: Hmpf. Now that you mention it, no!

Steven: But I heard Tiger Millionaire was back. He's your favorite, right?

Lars: Yeah, but he came back as some lame, Tiger... Phil-harmonic donations-thing. Which is honestly, is such a weird angle, you know? The whole thing just felt so off.

Steven: What do you mean off?

Lars: He took off his tie, and is throwing money at everybody. It's like, the sequel no one asked for.

Steven: What! It's the sequel you asked for!

Lars: Well, he just didn't seem into it you know? He used to care about his money. Now he's just giving it away. And he still just wins like, every match.

Steven: Oh, I get it. You want him to lose and keep his money, right?

Lars: No, I don't want him to lose, just-

Steven: What do you want him to do! Just tell meeee!

Lars: I don't know! I don't even know what I want for breakfast half the time! I'm a complex individual teenage boy. Now get out of here and stop taking such a personal interest in my habits and well-being!

[Later. Just outside Steven's house.]

Steven: I don't get it. I don't even know why I'm wrestling anymore. I guess I'm doing it for Lars and he doesn't even care. I liked it better when I was doing it for you.

Amethyst: But who needs it you know? I mean, I needed it when I felt like eh I wasn't good enough. But I don't feel like that anymore. Do you?

Steven: No. No, that-that's never why I was doing it. I just, liked it was our thing we did together. But, you're right. Doesn't make sense anymore. I think I should just do what you did. Just tell everybody I'm quitting and... leave like it's no big deal.

Me: What!? Oh no! I ain't losin' antoher one! Come on, Steven! You shouldn't care what anyone thinks! You should just keep doing what you love. You feel me?

Steven: Yeah. But, I'm not sure I love doing this anymore. [walks away]

Amethyst: What's the big deal, Marbs? If I'm done with it, I'm done with it. If Steven's doesn't wanna wrestle anymore, that's cool. So what's your deal?

Me: You wanna know what my deal is, Amethyst? It's that wreslting used to be our thing! We would face all odds and you and Tiger would come out on top and I would be your manager through it all. But now, things changed, you changed. And now, you're just gonna give it all up? Let Tiger go off half butted like you?

Amethyst: Look, dude. I only gave it up because I didn't feel worthless anymore.

Me: But Steven never gave up. And yet you're letting him walk out to get probably beaten up. [Amethyst stood silent and I sighed] So that's it huh? It's over? Fine. I'll see you around, Puma... [I leave]

[Later, that night. At the abandoned warehouse]

Mr. Smiley: Ladies and gents. Tonight is a very special night here at the Beach City Wrestling Arena Dome and Building. I'll let my good friend Tiger Mill- I mean Philanthropist explain.

Steven: Thank you Mr. Smiley.

Lars: What now.

Steven: Tonight will mark my greatest and finalist act of philanthropy. Tonight, I am giving away the Tag Team titles. Whoever can grab them first can have them.

[The crowd boo Tiger Philanthropist.]

Lars: Boo! Philanthrophy is lame.

Steven: Boo all you like! I don't care anymore! These belts don't mean anything to me! They never did.

[The crowd keep booing Tiger. Cue the Brothers Construction theme.]

Mr. Smiley: I know that sound! It's the Brothers Construction! Concrete Heat and Chunk Truck! So sad to see Tiger giving up those belts without at least putting up a fight.

[The Good-Looking Gang theme plays as they enter the warehouse.]

Mr. Smiley: Oh no! It's Good-Looking Gang music! They are back to finally claim the tag titles! Look like things are heating up on the ring, who'll be the next tag team champion!

Me: Oh no! He's way outnumbered! He's gonna get pulverized!

[A Puma's Roar announces Amethyst's entrance.]

Amethyst: Whoa there, Tiger!

Me and Steven: Amethyst?

Mr. Smiley: He's back! The legend has returned to the ring! Purple Puma!

Amethyst: Those belts aren't yours to give away! Those times we wrestled together meant everything to me! (Jumps on the ring) You can give away all jungle bucks you want. But I will not stand by and let you give up our memories!

[Amethyst hugs Steven, I get in on the hug, and the crowd cheers!]

Mr. Smiley: Oh what a display, ladies and gentlemen.

Steven: You came back!

Amethyst: I'm sorry. This was our thing we did together and I just quit on you guys.

Me: Aw, that's alright now!

Steven: Yeah. You were right. We don't need this anymore.

Me: Well, I wouldn't go as far to say we're all done with it...

Amethyst: Admit it, dude. You were tired of it too!

Me: Well... I... Yeah, It is getting kinda tiresome. But you were just so hasty to give up in your prime. And also I was kinda worried I was losing you...

Amethyst: Ha! That's why you were so worried? Dude! You'll never lose me. We'll always be buds!

Me: Really? Heh. Then I guess it is time we let go of this fad, eh?

Amethyst: That's the spirit! So, Steve. How do you wanna go out?

Steven: With a bang!

Mr. Smiley: It looks like this fight for the belt it's still on! The Brothers Construction look like they are ready letting down a foundation of pain! But Oh! Shark-o-Mania is back again! He's not even in the match!

[Shark-o-Mania charges and head-butts Tiger.]

Mr. Smiley: Tiger Philanthropist is down!

Lars: What!

[Shark-o-Mania and Concrete Heat grab and knock down Tiger Philanthropist and Purple Puma respectively. As they stand up, Chunk Truck punches Tiger and Concrete Heat executes a Double Axe Handle on Puma]

Lars: This isn't fair! Stop the match! They're gonna be destroyed!

Steven and Amethyst: Finish it.

Mr. Smiley: No! The Good-looking Gang hit the Star-Cross Lovers our Puma and Tiger! This is their chance! (A scene of purple/pink confetti fills the ring.) The belts are hanging free and clear! They got it! It's official! The Good-Looking Gang are the new Beach City underground tag team wrestling champions! This is truly the end for Tiger Millionaire and Purple Puma. What a way to go out!

Me: That's my girl!

[Sadie keeps the warehouse door open as a security guard escorts Lars outside the building.]

Lars: How can this be happening! It was just getting good! You can't quit now! Tiger! (Sobs)

[The screen closes in a star shape on Amethyst and Steven, as they wink at each other.]

And so that was the end of Purple Puma and Tiger Millionare/Philanthropist. Sure, most people weren't crazy about the duo giving up so soon. Neither was I. But all in all, things stood the same for me and Amethyst. Although I will miss all the fame 'n' glory. But hey, what are you gonna do? This is Steven's world after all...


	75. Year 4 - Room For Ruby

**Year 4: Room For Ruby**

It was a beautiful starry night, the kind of night you want to spend looking at the stars. But here's the thing this... wasn't that kind of night.

Steven: Ooh! There's one! Garnet, you gotta make a wish!

Garnet: All right.

Steven: Close your eyes. ... All of them.

Garnet: Ok, ok.

Steven: Now make your wish. But don't tell me what it is. (Whispering) Garnet, what did you wish for?

Garnet: I wished... for another shooting star so that you could make a wish.

Steven: (Blushing) Oh my gosh.

Me: Pfft! That's a lame wish.

Steven: Marble!

Me: What? Just saying.

Steven: Well, what would you wish for?

[I imagine myself on a throne surrounded by gold and jewels. Clones of Pearl were tending to my every whim]

Steven: Marble? Marble? [I snapped out of it]

Me: Huh? Oh uh, I'd wish for a... shiny new axe?

Garnet: [smirks] Yeah. And thousands of Pearl servants.

Me: I TOLD YOU THAT IN CONFIDENCE!

[A red shooting star passes by.]

Steven: (Gasps) Garnet! It worked! Is that star... screaming?

[The star crashes on the beach]

Me: Hey, Steven? Did you wish for a big crater in the middle of the beach?

[We ran towards the crater and it turns out that the shooting star was a Ruby]

Steven: What's that? It's Navy!

Me: Navy!? You mean the adorable little Ruby from season 3?

Garnet: That's... a Ruby.

Steven: Don't you remember? I gave them all names. This one's Navy 'cause her gem is on her navel.

Garnet: Oh. I finally get it.

[Navy jumps towards Steven. He quickly summons his bubble shield.]

Navy: Oh please! Oh please! Don't make me go back to Homeworld! Oh, I wanna stay here with you.

Garnet: This... is a surprise.

Steven: You... wanna live on Earth?

Navy: Yeah. All the other Rubies are mean to me. I just want to be somewhere where I can be myself.

Me: Awww. You poor thing! Well, don't you worry you adorable little crem pie! You can stay here as long as you want!

Navy: Aw! You're soo nice!

Steven: You're not mad at us from before?

Navy: What do you mean?

Steven: You know, about tricking you into playing baseball?

Navy: That was fun!

Steven: Or, when Amethyst pretended to be Jasper?

Navy: I've got to admit, that was pretty clever.

Steven: Or when we blasted you all out into space and stole your ship so you'd be stranded forever?

Navy: Well, we were fighting so it's understandable.

Me: See, Steven? It's all good. [I hug Navy] Now can we keep her?

Garnet: I don't know about this. She tried to stab you in space.

Steven: That was Eyeball. This is Navy. She always seemed really nice, actually.

Navy: Hey thanks!

Steven: And you know, a Ruby falling from the sky, discovering this beautiful world. Sounds a lot like a story you told me once.

Garnet: (Blushing) Oh stop.

Me: So are we keeping her?

Steven: Yes we are!

Me: Woo hoo!

Steven: Let me take it from here! I know exactly where she'll fit in.

Garnet: All right, Steven Universe. Go work your magic.

[The scene shifts to the DeMayo Barn. It's early in the morning.]

Me: Navy, let me tell you. You are gonna love living on earth. It's greatest planet ever to live in. A few of my friends lived here and they grew to love it. Well, some took longer than others.

Peridot: Finally. There's a star to wish on. (Points to the sun as it rises on the horizon)

Steven: Peridot! Lapis!

Lapis and Peridot: Steven! Marble!

[Pumpkin runs to Steven barking excitedly.]

Steven: And Pumpkin. Can't forget you.

Me: Hey guys! Guess what? You're getting a new roomate!

Peridot: Ah, Steven, glad you finally decided to join us.

Steven: Actually, maybe not me. But I know someone else who might be interested.

Me: [holding Navy] Tada!

Navy: Hi! I'm Navy, a refugee from Homeworld. Just like you guys. (Giggles)

Peridot: So uh, when did you show up on Earth?

Navy: Today.

Peridot: New barnie!

Lapis: What?! No! Hold on. Can we... talk about this first?

Me: Don't worry, Lapis. We've already got Navy's room covered. [Pulls out a blueprint] We use this side of the barn next to the aqurarium and make a bed out of your meepmoprs and-

Lapis: Not that!

Me: Yeah, you're probably right. Gems don't need to sleep...

Lapis: No! [Lapis encases Navy in a water bubble.] Why would she wanna live here? We've been awful to her. She must hate us.

Steven: She doesn't, though. Give her a chance. She's on our side now.

Peridot: Just like that? Wow.

Lapis: There's no way!

Steven: Well, you guys wanted to start a new life here too. It can totally happen.

Lapis: Even if she wants to be here, she doesn't know what she's getting into. Life on Earth is really confusing. It took me a long time to get used to it. I'm still getting used to it.

Steven: (Faintly) Hmm.

Me: Lapis. I know what's going on here. You're worried that Navy won't be able to get used to this new world like you. But, it's alright. Now she's got you two to help her understand.

Peridot: The Marble speaks the truth. We can show her the way. I mean, we've been through the wringer on all this stuff. It'd be cool to share what we've learned. And, you know, I think we'll be really good at it.

Lapis: Ok... Ok. I'll give it a try. But we'll have to take it slow.

Peridot: Yeah!

Me: That's my girl!

Steven: This will be great! I just know it!

[Pumpkin barks at Navy. Lapis snaps her fingers to dispel her water bubble and release Navy.]

Navy: Thank you!

[Later. Just outside the barn.]

Peridot: So you're an Earthling. But what does that mean? Well, the answer is (Lapis flips the board) "Who knows?" (Laughs) And that's the beauty of Earth. Nothing here makes sense, but that's why you have us now.

Lapis: It might be hard to like Earth at first. It is where a bunch of bad stuff happened.

Me: Well, sometimes bad things happen. But most of the times good things happen. The best part about living on Earth is that you never know what's gonna happen! And that's the exciting part!

Navy: I love it! It's so sunny.

Peridot: Ah, yes! The sun. Ever burning. Until it's not.

Lapis: This planet has weather, which can be confusing and alarming. It's sunny now, but it can always rain later.

Navy: What is... rain?

Lapis: It's like... oh wait! I can just show you.

[Lapis controls a giant water bubble over them, and simulates rain. I pull out an umbrella.]

Lapis: I know it's a bit strange, but-

Navy: (Squeeing) Oh ah ha ha, the sky is crying!

Steven: She likes it! Navy likes it!

Navy: Oh, a planet that's not always sunny. It's almost like, it's always changing. Oh-ho-ho! It's so beautiful!

Steven: Yeah! Exactly!

Peridot: Wow! That's like chapter ninety-seven of Earth stuff! Looks like we have an advanced student on our hands.

Lapis: (Annoyed) Yeah. No kidding.

[The scene switches to inside the barn.]

Peridot: This is our Gem Cave. Lapis hates it when I call it that. So I don't. The barn's pretty big so you can have one of the corners. Make it your own.

Navy: That sounds so nice. Any corner would be lovely.

Steven: You should have a look around.

Me: You should check out the toilet fountain these guys did! It's awesome!

Navy: What's that?

Me: It's basically a magic city fountain on toilets!

Navy: Oooh!

[Navy inspects the toilets, and gets curious about the hammock.]

Navy: Oh. What's this for?

Peridot: That's a hammock. It's a bed you fall out of.

Lapis: It's where I like to sleep. I don't have to do it, but I like to do it. You know. Turn off for a bit and-

Peridot: Snore! Like this! (Snores very loud) Snore!

Navy: Wow! Sounds groovy! How do I start?

Lapis: That one is really hard to explain. You lie down somewhere and close your eyes. And think about nothing, or everything. But it may take you a little while feel comfortable enough to-

Navy: (Snores)

Lapis: (Annoyed) Looks like you've got it.

Me: She looks so cute when she's sleeping!

[Outside in the Corn Fields.]

Peridot: And here is our organic Earth farm. The ground around here is teeming with resources which feed the growing crops around us. Don't bother talking to the corn. It can't hear you.

Me: Peridot still has a lot to learn about gardening. But her vegetables are exquisite. [I take the corn form Peridot]

Lapis: Plants may seem strange to you at first. But don't worry, you don't have to love everything right away.

Navy: I love plants! Oh.

Lapis: Well, what about Pumpkin? Do you love Pumpkin too?

Navy: (Cheery) I love Pumpkin! (Giggles)

Steven: Eww! Pumpkin kisses. (Laughs)

Lapis: (Very annoyed) Well, what about dirt? Do you love the dirt too?

Navy: What's dirt?

Me: You're standing on it.

[Lapis points to the ground.]

Navy: Ah! I do love the dirt! (Rolls on the ground laughing)

Lapis: So, what about us? How do you feel about us?

Navy: You guys are the best! Thank you, thank you. Thank you all for taking me in. Oh, we're gonna be the best of friends.

Me: Awww! Come here! [I get down on the ground and playfully wrestled with Navy]

Lapis: But we were just enemies! Don't you remember? (Flustered) Why don't you get mad?!

Navy: I think even if I really tried that's the one thing I can't do.

Lapis: (Angry) Oh come on!

[Lapis flies away.]

Navy: Did I do something?

Steven: I think it might be more complicated than that. Why don't you stay here and admire more of the plants?

Peridot: Lapis!

Steven: Lapis!

Me: Lapis!

[Peridot, Pumpkin, Steven, and I run off-screen looking out for Lapis.]

Navy: (Sighs)

[Back at the Barn.]

Peridot: Lapis!

Steven: Lapis! Where are you?

Lapis: She's just... I-I-It's just like she's fine with us. Like, there's no problem.

[Peridot lifts herself, Pumpkin, and Steven on a trash can lid.]

Steven: Lapis, are you ok?

Lapis: No. Something is seriously wrong with me. It took me so long to learn to like this planet.

Peridot: Hey, no one said there's a rush.

Lapis: Navy just loves everyone and everything right away. She has no guard, no fear. I just don't get it. Why it is so easy for her when it was so hard for me?

Me: Well, and I'm not taking sides here but, maybe it's because she didn't suffer getting fused to another Homeworld gem and didn't spent her entire life beating herself up about it. Look, I know what you're going through. All too well. And I know you're not too crazy about this Navy. But give her a chance. I know that she'll do just fine here. Besides, theres so much more to this world then she thinks and she needs help understanding.

Lapis: You don't get it! She'll love anything she doesn't understand! While I'm still learning!

Navy: Oh no! I-I didn't to make anyone upset! Maybe I just should go.

Steven: Ah... Navy!

Lapis: No, no. It's my problem. I didn't mean to make you feel like you don't belong here.

Peridot: Yeah. You should stay.

Navy: Oh! You guys! I'm so glad! I don't know where I'd go anyway. Can't go anywhere without my ship. That's the only place I ever really belonged anyways. I miss it so much.

Steven: Navy! We have your ship! It's right over there!

Navy: You do? (Camera pans the entire barn) Wow! I didn't even notice it there!

Steven: Maybe you could uh... show us the ropes?

Navy: Oh! I would love that.

[Steven and Co' ride the Eyeball.]

Me: Okay! Last part of the tour, into the Eyeball and keep your hands and feet inside the ship at all times.

Steven: This is perfect! The Crystal Gems finally have a pilot!

Peridot: Things are going ok now, huh?

Lapis: Yeah. Yeah they are.

Navy: Hey Steven. Hit that button behind you and I'll show you what this baby can really do.

Steven: Uh, you mean the one right here?

Navy: Yeah, that's the one!

Steven: I'm gonna press it!

[Navy's seat is encased in a light tube, while the lights are turned off. The hatches open and everybody is hanging on the edges of the door.]

Me: Uh, Navy! I think there's something wrong with the ship!

Navy: The only thing wrong... is that you're still holding on. (Laughs)

Steven: Wait. This whole time, all you wanted was your ship? You could've just stolen it to begin with!

Navy: I could have done that, but then I would've never have gotten to see the look on your face when you were tricked by your favorite little Ruby!

Lapis: What?!

Me: How could you do this, Navy!? After all we taught you! All that time hugging you and making you fell like part of our family. It was all a lie!?

Navy: Yep! And you were the easiest to fool, Marble. You couldn't stop saying how cute I am! [laughs] What a dope!

Me: [gasps] You're not the cute one! You're the evil one! [Lets go of the ship] EVIL I TELL YOU!

Steven: Uh, Marble? Who's hanging on to the ship?

Me: Well, I... [I see that we're no longer hanging on to the ship and we were now falling]

All: AAAAAHHHH!

[We land into the ocean]

Navy: Bye bye!

Steven: What! Lapis she's getting away! [Lapis laughs]

Me: You knew this would happen, didn't you?

Lapis: I was right! No one could be that well-adjusted. (Keeps laughing)

[Lapis, Peridot, Pumpkin, Steven, and I swim to the shore and meet with Garnet.]

Steven: Garnet!

[Garnet is holding two balloons. One that says "Welcome to the Party!" and one that says "Sorry for your Loss".]

Me: The blue one.

[Garnet pops the red one]

Garnet: It was still worth a shot.

[Everybody looks up at the sky. The screen closes in a star shape in the sky, over Navy's Face.]

I really thought that there could be more gems out there that wanted to be on our side. But I guess some people just can't be trusted. Maybe someday we'll find more rebels to join us. But that is an incredibly different story for and incredibly different time.


	76. Year 4 - Lion 4: Alternate Ending

**Year 4 - Lion 4: Alternate Ending**

[Scene opens up with Me and Steven frozen up on a spaceship by a small blue gem. Scene pans through the gems and Connie and a few civilians in the water]

Yep, that's me. Taken down a peg by a little blue gem. You're probably wondering how I got myself into this situation. Well, it all started just a couple of days ago...

[Scene flashes back to Steven watching her mother's tape]

Rose: Steven, we can't both exist. I'm going to become half of you. And I need you to know that every moment you love being yourself, that's me, loving you and loving being you... because you're going to be something extraordinary. You're going to be - [Steven rewinds it back to "you're going to be something extraordinary" two times before he writes down on his notepad.]

Steven: Extraordinary... experience. [Lion gets comfortable on Steven's bed as he grooms himself] Okay, I think I've got something. [Clears throat to get Lion's attention] So, this time, I put together the first letter of the first word of every sentence. It spells "ittaisiaby."

[Meanwhile, I exit my room and went into the kitchen. As I grab a soda, I take a peek at what Steven's doing]

Me: Do I dare meddle in Steven's buisness? Of course, it's our job to look after the boy. [I sneak up on Steven]

Steven: It might not sound like much, but if you rearrange those letters, it says "Bait it I say," or "I stay a bit," or "I bitty Asia." [Lion sees me and I tell him to shush] Well [Sighs] "I bitty Asia" could mean something. Maybe I'm supposed to go back to Asia? And... bite something?

Me: Hey, Steven!

Steven: [Startled] AAH! [Sees it's me] Oh, it's just you Marble. You gotta stop doing that.

Me: Eh. I like to surprise people when I enter the room. [I grab his notebook] So what you're doing here? Hm. Some kind of word jumble?

Steven: [Grabs the notebook back from me] It's not a word jumble. I'm trying to find out the secret message my mom left in her tape.

Me: Didn't we already established that your mom want you be something amazing?

Steven: Yes. But I feel that there is something more than that. Mom says she wanted to have me. But that must mean there's a reason. There has to be something I was meant to do. My magical Gem destiny.

Me: [ponders] Gem destiny...

Steven: Wait! You know my mom better than I do! You must know what she meant when she had me!

Me: Ummm... Not so sure. She mostly spends her time with Greg so it's mostly personal stuff. [Steven groans] But that doesn't mean I can't help you figure out what it means.

Steven: That would be great. Because I need a gem to help got to the bottom of this.

Me: Are you suggesting we make a mystery out of this?

Steven: I believe I am, my dear Marble.

Me: Excellent, Watson! Now then to get us started. Do we have any clues?

[Lion starts to gag and then he starts to retch]

Steven: No, no, no! Lion, at least do it on the floor! [Lion finishes coughing up, liquid splattering.] Why is it always on the bed? [Gasps]

[Steven notices Lion coughing up a Pink Key.]

Me: Well, what do you know! Our first clue! [I grab the key and disgust at the slobber on it] Uh... maybe we should clean it first...

[Steven cleans up the mess and focuses on the key.]

Steven: Right. Anyway. This key. Mom must have wanted you to give this to me now. What does it open?

Me: I bet we can guess. [Runs out and comes back with a chest] Maybe it opens this treasure chest! [I try to use the key on the lock but it didn't fit] Nope, too big. [Runs out and grabs a vault] Or maybe this vault! [Uses the key but it didn't work] Nope! [Runs out and grabs a big door] Maybe this door! [I use the key on the door but Steven stops me]

Steven: Marble! How is this supposed to help me figure out my destiny?

Me: Your what? [Remembers] Oh! Yeah! Sorry, I lost track there for a second... [I give the key back to Steven]

Steven: [Places hand on the bow] Hm... Oh! Maybe it does open a chest! Just not that one. Hey, Lion. [Steven enters Lion's Dimension to unlock the chest. The key does not fit, so he heads back out; Exhales deeply and pants] Maybe if I... [Steven heads back in to try again only to fail again; Exhales deeply and pants]

Me: Did we solve the mystery yet?

Steven: Not even close...

[Steven and I enter Rose's Secret Armory.]

Me: Anything?

Steven: No.

[We enter Rose's Fountain and Steven tosses the key into the water, to no effect.]

Me: Anything?

Steven: No.

[We enter Rose's Room.]

Steven: Give me something this key unlocks.

[A padlock appears we gasp]

[Steven puts the key into the padlock and twists, unlocking the padlock]

Me: We did it! Mystery solved! [The padlock disappears causing nothing to happen]

We were having no luck finding the truth behind Steven's destiny. Even though he has no idea the answer was staring him in the face from the beginning.

[Back at the beach house]

Steven: [Scratches head with key] Hmm... [Gasps] Of course! The answers were inside me the whole time!

[Steven jabs himself in the head with the key and falls back-first]

That's not what I meant...

Steven: [Sighs] Where am I supposed to go? This has to unlock something. There must be someplace I haven't been.

Me: You sure we can't try the door again?

Steven: No, Marble! [Crawls to Lion] Lion. Take me somewhere new.

[Lion yawns]

Steven: Hey, come on. Where did you get this? Can you please take me there? Pleeeeease? [Gets knocked down by Lion] [Muffled] Pleeeee... [Normal voice] ...eeeease?

Me: You know he's not gonna stop until you say yes.

[Lion, Steven, and I warp to the desert.]

Steven: Hey. This is where we found you. Something of Mom's is hidden here, right? Take me there.

[Lion begins to run toward the destination.]

Me: This is it! The moment of triumph! Just a short ride through the desert and we will have all the answers we need!

[One long trek through the desert later...]

Me: [Uncomfortable basking in the heat] Ugh... Are we there yet?

Steven: [Weakly] Where are we going? It's been hours. [Sighs] Mom... who were you? Who am I? Garnet... Amethyst... Pearl... They won't say it, but... I know they expect something big from me. But how can I fulfill my destiny if I don't even know what it is? Who am I supposed to be? [Steven checks where he is, seeing Lion as arrived at the destination] Mom?

[Lion stops, and Steven and I fall to the ground dehydrated]

Me: Finally! Were here! Passing out now... [passes out]

[Steven reaches into Lion's mane to refresh himself with a bottle of water. He gaves some water to me and helps me get up. Steven and I approaches the structure's while observing its outer design]

Steven: Whatever's behind this door, I know it's something important. [Steven jams the key into the lock] Please tell me my destiny. [Steven opens the door] Wha...?

[The destination's interior is revealed to be Rose's Landfill.]

Me: Man, I never knew that Rose was a hoarder.

[Steven is dazed; he picks up a sword that turns out to be broken from the sheath]

Steven: What? Is this... just Rose's trash dump?

Me: Hey, Steven! Check it out! [I was seen morphed into a french conqueror while on an old rocking horse; french accent] Onward to victory, my people! Let us eat cake!

Steven: Marble! Focus!

Me: Well, excuse me for adding some comic relief to this otherwise serious situation. [I morph back to normal and start to search for any clues. So far we have no luck]

Steven: No. Please! There was supposed to be something here to tell me my purpose! This is just a bunch of garbage Mom left behind! [Growls]

[Steven kicks a hardhat far away. He wipes his face of his sweat. We notice a VHS tape.]

Me: What's this? Could it be the clue we have been searching for? [Steven grabs the tape from me]

Steven: But... wh-who's Nora? A-Am I not the only one? Do I have a sister? Marble! what is this? W-Who's Nora?

Me: Calm down! I'm sure there's an abandoned vhs player and TV around here somewhere...

Steven: [To Lion] I know I've asked a lot from you today, but please, just one more time. I need your help. I need to know what this tape means. I won't get mad the next time you throw up on my bed. [Lion widens his eyes and warps once more, this time, close to Beach City] This is near Beach City. Lion, are you sure this is the right - [We notices guitar music playing.] Nora?

Me: Nop. [Points at Greg playing a tune on his guitar]

Greg: Oh, hey, shtu-ball.

Steven: Dad?! You're Nora?

Me: Sherlock Holmes, he is not.

Steven: What are you doing here?

Greg: Getting some songs figured out. Ah, this is sort of my jamming hill. Used to be a tree by the warehouse, but a 7th-grader with a flute muscled me out.

Me: Well, enough of that pathetic story. [Gives the tape to Greg] We found this tape at Rose's junkyard and we were hoping you would help decode it.

Greg: Oh, my gosh. [Grabs tape] I never thought I'd see this again.

Steven: You've seen this tape before?

Greg: Of course. Come here. You should, too.

[Greg puts the VHS into his TV and presses play. Greg and Rose appear to be at the beach, with Greg being followed by a seagull.]

Greg (TV): He's following me now.

Rose: [Laughing] Maybe he'll help you with your intro this time.

Steven: Dad?

Greg: Shh! Keep watching.

Greg (TV): Okay... now!

[The camera pans to Greg in his Mr. Universe pose with guitar in hand.]

Greg (TV): They call me... [Strums his guitar three times] ...Mr. Universe! Get ready, baby, 'cause you're gonna have the coolest dad this side of the cosmos. [Continues to strum guitar while orally imitating such strums]

Me: Is this going anywhere?

Rose: I press it now, right?

Greg (TV): Do it. Woah! [Falls over]

Rose: Greg? [Laughs at the seagull landing on the headstock]

Greg (TV): Can we edit this part?

Rose: [Laughing] No, no. It's perfect.

[The video cuts to Rose's message.]

Rose: Isn't it wonderful, Nora? This world is full of so many possibilities.

Steven: ... My video.

Rose: Each living thing has an entirely unique experience. The sights they see, the lives they live are so complicated and...so simple.

Steven: This is just like the video Mom made me.

Me: What does it mean.

Rose: Nora, we can't both exist. But I won't be gone. I'm going to become half of you. And every moment you enjoy being yourself, that will be me, loving being you.

Steven: No! [Turns off TV] I don't understand. Why is this the same as the video you guys made me? Who's Nora?

Greg: [Chuckles and wipes tears] N-Nora is you.

Me: Nora is Steven? How is that. Oh! I think I understand.

Steven: I'm my mom and my sister?! What kind of destiny is this?!

Greg: [Laughs] No, no. We just had it down to two names - Steven if you were a boy, and Nora if you were a girl.

Steven: So, then, would Nora have the magical destiny if I wasn't here?

Greg: Magical destiny? I don't know about that.

Steven: But Mom did. She was trying to tell me something with my tape. She keeps leaving me... puzzle pieces. Sooner or later, I'm going to understand what I'm for!

Me: Let me handle this, Greg. [I approach Steven then I start to shake him] Calm down, Steveeeen! [I put him down] Better?

Steven: No...

Me: Weird, it always works on Pearl. And she freaks out all the time.

Steven: Am I supposed to be - D-did she want me to be Nora?

Greg: Steven, she just wanted you to be you. When you have a kid, you have no idea who they're gonna be. Even Garnet couldn't predict it. That's what was so exciting to your mom, that life is full of so many possibilities, and you would get to explore them for yourself. I mean, you could be Steven or Nora or anyone else. And you can always change your name. Hey, I did.

[Steven, after a little pause, resumes the tape.]

Rose: Because you're going to become something extraordinary. You're going to be a human being. [Giggles] That's my favorite part. A human being. A human is an action. I wonder who, how you'll be, what you'll think, what you'll want. Oh, I'm so happy for everyone who's going to know you. [Chuckles] I'm rambling. If they look to you, trust yourself. Take care of them, Nora.

[The video ends]

Steven: So that's it. I'm just... supposed to be her kid.

Greg: Well... yeah. Is that okay?

Steven: Yeah. [Wipes face] I think I can handle that.

Me: Well, looks like another mystery has been solved thanks to Marble.

Steven: Actually, I don't think there was a mystery at-

Me: I am outta here. [I leave]

And so I left after Steven and I finally found his true destiny. But that was only the calm before the storm. For we were about to be in the middle of something bigger...


	77. Year 4 - Doug Out

**Year 4 - Doug Out**

It was just a regular evening in Beach City, I was getting fries from my regular fryman place. Just then I heard sirens...

[I walk out of the fryman place when I suddenly heard police sirens]

Me: Oh no! They finally caught me! I gotta hide. [I ran out to find some place to hide and then I hide under the bench where Steven and Connie were sitting]

Connie: Marble? What are you doing?

Me: Shhh! Quiet! The cops are coming!

Steven: The cops?

Doug Maheswaran: *Yells through microphone* Hey, kid!

Me: AHH! THEY FOUND ME! [Hides under the bench] Take the boy! He's the one you want!

Steven: Oh no! All the years of ordering off menu have finally come back to taunt me!

Connie: You meant haunt you? Steven that's not even a police car, it's just-

Steven: I surrender! *He gets off the bench and runs towards Doug* I knew I was breaking the rules but, I did it anyway! The bits had their hooks in meee.

Me: Yes! Take the boy. Not the innocent gem.

Connie: *Runs over to Steven and laughs* Dad, quit joking around!

Doug: Come on, Connie I almost had him! *He takes the microphone away from his mouth*

Steven: Mr. Maheswaran!? *Sighs and falls to the ground*

Doug: *Puts microphone back into his car and walks over to Steven* Wow, I didn't think he would take it that seriously.

Connie: You can come out now, Marble. It's just my dad.

Me: [Still hiding in the bench] Shh! Don't tell him where I am!

Steven: Don't worry, Marble. He's a nice guy.

Connie: By the way. What did you do to make you think that the cops may be after you?

Me: Nothing, just a harmless trip to the big donut...

[I suddenly flashback to the time me and Amethyst broke into the Big Donut having a donut eating contest]

Me: Am I winning yet?

Amethyst: You wish! I'm almost at one hundred!

Me: Cute. I'm almost at TWO hundred. [I struggled to take a bite of one donut but I was so full I passed out]

Amethyst: Hey! I'm not done beating you yet! [squirts me with jelly donuts] Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Heh heh heh... [passes out as well]

[End flashback]

Me: Anyway. [Gets out of the bench and shakes Doug's hand] So nice to meet you again, Mr Maheshwaran. You know me, don't you?

Doug: Yes. You're Steven's big sister, right?

Me: Well, I wouldn't call myself that but I do consider myself a sister figure.

Doug: And how's my swashbuckling swashbuckler doing?

Connie: I'm good.

Doug: You know, Steven, maybe you're dehydrated. Probably from eating all that garbage before dinner.

Steven: Respectfully, Fry Bits are not garbage.

Me: Besides, you should see all the garbage I eat.

Connie: So what are you even doing in Beach City dad?

Doug: *Takes a note from car* I'm out here on a job, actually. *Lifts paper up* The private security company I work for got a call from a Mr. Harold Smiley stating that someones been lurking around Funland after hours. So I'll be here all night. On, *Grabs side of glasses and the lenses shine* a stakeout.

Me: A stakeout? You mean you're gonna sit around for hours waiting for something to happen even though sometimes they never do.

Doug: What's wrong?

Me: Doug, you're never gonna catch this perp just by sitting around watching life go by. In my expereince, action is the way to go.

Doug: Well. Maybe you guys, could help out tonight.

Steven and Connie: What?!

Connie: Even though we're not officially sanctioned security personnel?

Me: We would love to! Nothing excites me more than the idea of busting some sorry lawbreaker.

Doug: Uh, I'm pretty sure it's just some kid loitering.

Me: Loitering? Or secretly conspiring a carefully complex scheme to destroy the economy of this town?

Connie: I'm sure no one's planning to do that, Marble.

Me: Oh don't be so sure, Constance. In my personal experinence, I've learned that every town's got their criminals. Bad people who want to do bad things in secret. And that's why we need lawmen, to take down their secret orginization and expose the private parts of thier ulterior motives.

Steven: Woah. How do you know about all this?

Me: I watch a lot of cop shows...

Connie: Hey Steven, you wanna help ruin some teen's night?

(We drive up to Funland)

Steven: *Whispering* Coast is all clear behind us.

Connie: Things seem pretty quiet so far.

Me: That's what they want you to think. We need to get closer to investigate.

Doug: I don't think we need to do that, Marble. Nobody's gonna even try hopping the fence with us here. But you never know, sometimes, I actually leave the car.

Steven and Connie: Wow.

Doug: I'm sure you guys do lots of waiting when you're saving the world. It can't be all bam, pow action all the time.

Steven: Aw, I wish. There's a lot of fighting, I mean, I kind of inherited an intergalactic war.

Me: That settles it. I'm taking over this investigation. [Puts on a police hat]

Connie: I'm not sure you're capable of handling this assingnment. You can be reckless at times. And irrational.

Me: Sometimes you gotta be irrational to solve a rational solution.

Steven: Wow. I never knew that.

Connie: *Reaches arm into box* Hey dad, what's this box?

Doug: Oh, I just confiscated that from a kid who was shoplifting in a costume shop.

Steven: Woah! *Takes a mustache out and holds to mouth* You could totally use these for disguises! Don't you ever need to go.. Undercover?

Doug: How do you know I'm not undercover *Lifts glasses up* Right now?

[I was unimpressed]

Me: I can see you coming a mile away... But I think Steven's up to something. Going undercover is the perfect way to get closer to the criminal.

Connie: Yeah. I'll be.. [Puts on a red hat and jacket] Veronica Cucamonga.

Steven: *Puts green hat on* *Italian accent* It's a-me, Peter Pizzapoppolis, from Italia!

Me: *Morphs into an aviator outfit* And I am Annie Jurgenson, the daring female aviator who circumnavigates the globe! When I'm not travelling the world I do stand-up comedy.

Steven: Cool.

Doug: No thanks, being a security guard is no joke. Which is why, they equip us with these. *Pulls flashlight out*

Connie: Wow, a flashlight!

Doug: Yeah. It gets pretty dark out there.

(Loud crash)

Doug: What was that?

(The four of us walk up to the smashed-in part of the fence)

Steven: Mama mia the fence-a!

Me: We're already on the trail of the perp.

Doug: How on earth did this happen? *Him and the others walk closer* If this were some punk with a pair of bolt cutters this would have been a clean cut. *Leans down and grabs a piece from the fence* But this chain looks like it was torn apart. This was no kid.

Me: Exactly! This is the work of a master criminal.

Steven: A master criminal?

Me: That's what I said!

Connie: Well, I'm not certain we're dealing with a master criminal. But what could it be?

Doug: It's up to us to find out! Sounds like we better investigate. Cucamonga, Pizzapoppolis, Jurgenson.

Connie: Right!

Steven: Right-a!

Me: Roger dodger! That's my catchphrase.

(We start walking in before Connie leans down to pick up a ripped piece of leather from the fence)

Connie: Huh? *She stands up and puts it in her pocket*

Doug: Hello? This is security! You are trespassing on private property. Do not attempt to make yourself a corn dog. Funland incorporated is not liable for the harm you may incur on trying to operate a deep fryer without a license.

Steven: You need a license to operate a deep fryer?

(Loud crash)

Connie: Woah.

(A big shadow appears)

Me: There he is! After him!

(We all run towards the shadow)

Doug: Follow my lead. (They somersault across the ground one by one) *Shines flashlight* Don't move!

Connie: Did we lose them?

Steven: Which a-way did they go so fast-a?

Doug: Mouths closed, eyes and ears open.

(They all put their hands to their ears)

(Hyper Space door creaks)

Doug: Bad move chump, that space ship's permanently earthbound. *They run into the ride* Gotcha! I mean freeze! Oh, man. *Shines light at control panel* Are we dealing with some sort of escape artist?

Me: A criminal mastermind and an escape artist. This will make an awesome police story!

Doug: Marble, please! We need to focus!

Connie: Maybe we should get our weapons.

Doug: That won't be neccessary. We're not here to escalate the situation. Besides, a good security guard only needs their trusty flashlight. (Door creaks and slams)

Doug: Hey! *pulls on handle* Open up this instant!

Connie: Yeah let us out! *Her and Steven attempt to open the door*

Me: Bet you wish you had a gun, huh?

(The lights turn on and the ride starts moving)

Steven and Connie: The ride's moving!

Connie: We gotta shut it off!

Me: Do we have to? How about one more run?

Steven: Marble!

Me: Sorry. Got distracted.

Doug: Don't worry! I'll just use my trusty flashlight. *Throws it towards the Off button but it misses and repeatedly hits him in the face*

Steven: Oh no!

Connie: The laws of physics!

Doug: *Flashlight hits face* Ouch!

Me: Looks like it's up to me. [I summon my axe and it came stuck to the wall by the gravity] Well, that didn't work.

Doug: Hang on, I've got a new idea, though. This time, I'll throw it at an angle!

Connie: Dad, I don't think that'll work.

Doug: Go! *Throws flashlight and it hits all four of our heads multiple times*

(All of them scream)

Steven: We got to get out of this spicy meat-a-ball! *Grunts while trying to push himself off the wall and lands on the middle of the ride* Hey, this part isn't moving at all!

Connie: Steven!

Doug: *Gets hit with flashlight* Augh!

Steven: Sorry! *Pushes Off button*

(The ride stops and they all climb out of the ride groaning)

Me: Oh, man... That was dizzying... Let's do it again!

Doug: Listen, you bodybuilding escape artist criminal. This isn't a game. You've endangered an officer of the law and two small children. Show yourself before you get into serious trouble!

Connie: Guys, do you think it's some sort of Gem Mutant or Monster?

Me: Nah, it would be less human. And bigger. And It wouldn't be smart enough to trap us.

Steven: Yeah. The monsters and mutants aren't that smart.

Connie: Could, we be dealing with a Homeworld Gem?

Me: A Homeworld Gem? Here? Impossible... but we had some run in with some Homeworlders before... *gasp* This is a game changer! If Homeword is sending gems here we could be in danger. Mainly me!

Doug: Well, whatever it is *Takes batteries out of flashlight* if someone's trespassing *Takes new batteries out of pocket and puts them into the flashlight then turning it on* they'll have to answer to me.

Connie: It's so.. Quiet.

(The streetlights turn on and music starts playing, making them all gasp)

Me: Classic horror movie move.

Doug: I can't believe this. They're mocking us. Show yourself! What is it that you want here?! Prizes? Fun? You think this is the place to get your kicks? You sick monster. Destroying the sanctity of this land of fun!

Me: Tone it down a bit there, Doug.

(A small shadow appears above a small minigame)

Connie: Behind you!

(The fence falls onto Doug)

Connie: Dad!

Steven: Mr. Maheswaren!

Doug: Ugh, don't worry, I'm fine. Just-

(Shadow runs past them)

Doug: *Gasp* There they are!

(Steven and Connie gasp)

Connie: Come on Steven! *They get up and follow the shadow*

Me: It's go time! *I summon my axe and we began to give chase to the mysterious figure*

Doug: I'm right behind you!

Connie: You're not getting away this time!

(The shadow knocks over a trash can and a gumball machine)

Connie: That's a lot of gumballs!

[I used my axe to pole vault through the gumballs]

Steven: Jump!

(Connie jumps and Steven grabs her hands, then floats over the gumballs, then run to a dead end)

Connie: It's time to give up!

Steven: There's no way out!

Doug: Gumballs? Aaah! *Falls* *Groans and walks over* Hey, kids.

Connie: The culprits at the end of this corner, dad.

Doug: Good work you two. Now, let's shed some light on this subject *Turns flashlight on and shines it onto Onion*

Me: Onion?

Steven: Wait. Onion!

(Onion looks towards them squinting)

Doug: You? What are you doing here? We're in the middle of a very important investigation.

Connie: Dad, I think this is who's been causing all this trouble.

Me: You mean all this time we've been chasing after Onion?

Steven: Onion, It's me, Steven. *Takes mustache and hat off* Steven Universe.

Onion: *Murmurs frantically and hides behind Steven*

Steven: That's just Mr. Maheswaren. Oh my gosh did you think a bunch of strangers were chasing you? No wonder you were trying to throw us off your trail. Onion, everything's okay.

Doug: *Walks up to them* It can't just be a kid. It doesn't make any sense! What about that huge shadow?

(Connie turns the flashlight on and shines it on Onion, a big shadow appearing behind him)

Connie: I think the flashlight just made him look big.

Me: But what about the fence?

Steven: I have seen him use a blowtorch before.

Connie: *Walks up to them* I also found this piece of fabric stuck in the fence.

(They look over at Onion, Onion shows his foot to reveal a tear in the heel)

Me: Huh. I guess it was Onion.

Doug: *Groans* Of course. It's never actually something.

Connie: What's wrong?

Doug: Nothing's wrong, it's just my job isn't the exhilarating adventures you've been having with Steven. Or the life-threatening emergencies your mom deals with at the hospital. The most action I see is telling kids to quit loitering around. I was hoping maybe you'd get to see me take on a serious job. But I guess all i'm good at is being your silly, old dad. *Trips on a gumball and falls, grunting*

Connie: You're right, you are silly. But that's why I like hanging out with you. I've got enough serious things going on in my life. Sometimes I just wanna spend time with my dad.

Doug: *They both smile* Thanks. *Chuckles* You're a keeper Veronica Cucamonga.

Connie: *Laughs*

Doug: Well, kid. This may have been a big misunderstanding. But you're still in trouble for this fence.

Onion: *Looks and shakes his head*

Doug: Oh, yes you are.

Steven: Just let him off the hook on this one. We already scared him straight.

Connie: The law must be different for someone his age.

Doug: *Sigh* You learned your lesson?

Onion: *Nods*

Doug: Then you're free to go.

(Car door opens and closes and the engine starts)

Doug: And rememember kid, no loitering. *Backs the car up* I don't know how I'm gonna explain this back at the office.

Me: Well, I'm still dissapointed. I was really hoping that we would be taking down a fierce criminal mastermind.

Connie: Might as well, I mean. There are never any crimes in this town...

(Onion walks forward, a stomp is heard and a large shadow appears behind him, and a smaller shadow with wings flies up next to the other one)

Oh, if only she knew how wrong she was...


End file.
